Disney Villains Victorious: Gridlocked - Rise of Heroes

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What would happen if Doof got a flash of inspiration?
Prologue

mangawriter77

Otaku^9000 (In my own opinion)
Location
You'll neeever guess
Pronouns
He/Him/His
It's 1985. Recently, a certain Drusselsteinian was sent to the schtor to buy some Dussenkraut. It turned out to be just a painting in front of a ship (cut him some slack, he had always had trouble distinguishing between a schtor and a painting of a schtor). However, not one to be deterred by unfortunate circumstances (because what else was new for him), he decided to seize the day with both hands… and a mop. That was how he got his first job as a deckhand.

Little did he know that his life was about to take a dramatic shift, which would start him on the greatest adventure of his life.

The unwilling immigrant just knew he was going to a golden land of opportunity, a land with a pioneering spirit that welcomed misfits such as himself. He was sure his life was about to change for the better upon leaving the boat.

Under normal circumstances, he would've been completely wrong. Instead of any golden land, he ended up in America. But, he knew he was home… in the sense that everything there was familiar.

Left alone, the former Drusselsteinian would have eventually ventured to Danville, Colorado, where he would have founded a company, devoted his life to petty grudges and mad science, and spent his days fighting his platypus arch-nemesis. Eventually, he would have succeeded in his endeavor to take over the Tri-State Area, but at the cost of his best friend and nemesis. He would never be forgotten, but the now-conqueror would have built up an "Evil" empire to try and fulfill his ambitions. But, he would be beset by villains just as, if not more, evil than he as he shook the status quo with his goals. It wasn't true peace or happiness, but he was the one in control now, and that brought him some measure of comfort.

Until even that would be taken away. A dream demon would have broken free of his prison in Oregon, and nothing anyone threw at him, limited as it was, could stop him. Lives would have been lost, minds would have been shattered, and everything the Alliance, and the immigrant, would have built would have been consumed by the Oddpocalpyse (or Weirdmageddon for some).

This time, however, would be different. Due to the tireless work and constant effort he so often gave his schemes, he would have gained the power to send his past self a manuscript of everything he had ever done. It was his autobiography, his collection, his Doof Resistánce. It was the Book of Doofenshmirtz. The plan was to send it to the doctor of the past who had just taken over the Tri-State Area. Little did he know that the timeline was extremely borked long before the demon had wrought his insanity upon the fabric of reality.

In layman's terms, the Drusselsteinian who had been brought to America unwillingly would now be half-right. He may not have gone to the land he desired, but his life was about to take a drastic turn…

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Your name is Heinz Doofenshmirtz. You've recently been kicked off at the wrong dock, landing in New York instead of the land of opportunity you hoped for. It's not that much different from home. Already, you've had a pile of crates dropped on top of you, gone through an invasive and confusing naturalization process, been kicked out of seven establishments for various reasons, and failed to find a job or shelter. You nestle in an alleyway, huddled in a cardboard box as it begins to rain. Is this going to be your life from now on? If this place is as much like home as it seems, then the answer is probably yes. However, you want to at least try to make a living here (I mean, you're stuck here, what else are you supposed to do?), so you check your bag for the map you got at Coney Island… and brush across something unexpected.

You grasp the unknown object and pull it out. It's a large book that wasn't there before. In fact, you don't remember owning this book ever before at all. It's large, bound in a velvet red cover, and lined with gold. Upon the front cover is a golden hand with the letter "D" printed in the center of the palm. You place your hand over it to find that the hand matches yours exactly. This shouldn't be possible. Your hand is the combination of a 1/1000000 gene combination of medium-sized thin palms and extra-long, thin fingers. Yet this hand is a direct match.

Curious, you open the cover… and are shocked to read the first paragraph.

Hello, Past Heinz Doofenshmirtz. This is your future self speaking. The year is currently 20XX. The world of this time is doomed. Everything I know and love has either been destroyed or is soon to be destroyed. All hope is lost. This is my past, but it is your future. With this book containing all of my knowledge, you will be able to stop this.

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Upon reading, it becomes apparent that Future Doofenshmirtz meant to send this thing to a more established Doofenshmirtz, one who had successfully taken over the Tri-State Area and was in a position of power, allowing him to help. You were just a guttersnipe nobody. However, you can't just sit here and do nothing. You have this knowledge now, and you need to use it. No way are you letting this "Bill Cipher" win again. However, that begs the question; what can you do? You have no resources or connections. You just got here! You don't know anything about magic or aliens, and you can barely cobble together a device that shoots lasers into space. How are you supposed to fight a dream demon from a 2D dimension?

You suppose you could just follow the book's guidelines and live your life exactly how it describes. Apparently, you invented a Backstory-inator that allowed you to revisit all of your memories and write everything that happened in your life down in painstaking detail (you're surprised you got so much space out of this journal and still leave half of it for research notes, blueprints, and instructions on various subjects; you suspect magic is involved). However, that seems like a lot of work involving a lot of pain and suffering, something you're not looking forward to. Besides, if you do that, you'll only come into power four years too late to stop Bill from gaining a foothold in this dimension. If you really want to save the world, you're going to have to prevent Bill from ever succeeding.

Wait… save the world… that's it!

In the future, you became evil and came to power through brute force, intimidation, and shadowy backstreet deals! However, that meant you had a short list of allies and you were too busy fighting with your enemies (especially Negaduck) to try and do anything about Bill. Then it was too late and everything went to Weird.

But, right now, good is the name of the game! Saving the world is one of the most popular occupations around, especially in America, the home of several superheroes! And heroes love cooperation! This job seems best suited for courageous individuals and selfless supers.

That settles it: you won't make Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, you'll make Doofenshmirtz Hero Incorporated! You will be the greatest hero entrepreneur and sponsor the world has ever known! You'll gather your allies, you'll defeat Bill, and it will be completely unexpected! And by "unexpected", you mean COMPLETELY EXPECTED!!!!!

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You approach the door carefully, checking this way and that to make sure there aren't any traps lying around. The Book of Doofenshmirtz had a very helpful "Traps" section, so you know what to look for just in case this guy decided he doesn't like unannounced visitors.

Although your epiphany is helpful to your goals, you still have no resources or connections. You can't just walk into a store and buy a megacorporation for heroes. For one thing, you have no money. Fortunately, the Book of Doofenshmirtz provided you with a contact that you knew in the future, who just so happened to work for a very powerful entity that would be very invested in keeping Bill contained. The real challenge would be convincing him to let you talk to his bosses. Then again, given his occupation, he shouldn't find your story that hard to believe.

You knock at the door and wait a few seconds. Then, it opens, revealing a young man with a combed, black hairdo, a somewhat present mustache, and a large unibrow above his eyes.

"Hello, Captain Monogram," you greet courteously. "My name is Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and I am in need of your assistance in saving the world from Weirdmaggedon. And before you ask, no, I'm not a door-to-door priest trying to get you to convert to Gnomic Christianity."

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Welcome to Disney Villains Victorious: Gridlocked - Rise of Heroes, a CK2-style quest inspired by the ever-popular DVV: Gridlocked DoofQuest! In this, you will take the role of a young Heinz Doofenshmirtz, as he makes a switch to the side of good in an attempt to prevent a prophesied apocalypse! You will direct hero units, commence quests, make friends and enemies, and make all sorts of choices in order to prevent the inevitable rise of Evil! And by inevitable, of course, I mean COMPLETELY EVITABLE!!!

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The first turn will be the spring of 1987. You have been trained by the federal government as an agent for the past two years and have learned much in your time there. Soon, it will be time for graduation, where the government will give you a large loan to set up your own megacorps in your multi-step Anti-Bill Plan! (It's a work in progress.) However, things are about to change…

Time to customize Doof! While being given government training, you discovered that you were really proficient in one of these classes (Pick one):

[ ] Foreign Diplomacy: Turns out, there's something oddly endearing about your character underneath your scratchy voice and your… looks. However, you have learned to weaponize this into a great skill. Now, with your repertoire of many languages, customs, and conversation strategies (plus a few charm spells), you can both charm the most stubborn of dictators as well as win almost any flyting competition you get in! Plus, it's now much harder to accidentally offend someone. (Gain +5 Diplomacy and +2 Occult, as well as the traits Multilingual, Cultural Expert, and Shakespearean Flyter)
[ ] Advanced Weapons and Combat: While you aren't, nor will you ever be, Chuck Norris, you find yourself strangely gifted in the arts of violence. Through training with several instructors of arts physical, mental, spiritual, and mystical, you now know your way around all types of combat zones, fight rings, and weapon armories, and can use the resources around you to maximum effect. (Gain +5 Martial and +3 Occult, as well as the traits Master of Arms and Serene Mind.)
[ ] Subterfuge and Misdirection: As this is a spy agency, you find yourself absorbing its culture and lessons quite well. Through the use of several physical and mystical tricks, you are basically on par with most ninjas, capable of sneaking into places with high security, stealing valuable items, telling blatant and outlandish lies without being called out, and can leave trails of rumors and misdirections that will run several people in circles. (Gain +5 Intrigue and +3 Occult, as well as the traits Spymaster and Trickster.)

Also, these last two years have given you plenty of time to read through the Book of Doofenshmirtz. You have discovered that it's a treasure trove of knowledge, with emphasis on a few particular subjects (Pick 4; those you do not select are not stricken from the book, the bonuses will just be absent):
[ ] Scientific Advancements (+30 to Learning Actions gained from the Book, +15 to Learning Actions that involve new technology or practices)
[ ] Life Story (+15 to all personal actions that improve Doof as a person, +10 to rolls rebuilding/redesigning old inators)
[ ] Past History (+20 to all Intrigue actions, decays by -5 every year)
[ ] Recent History (+10 to any actions that involve events that happened similar to DVV:G canon)
[ ] Major Villains (+10 to all actions concerning Disney Antagonists (Drakken, Xanatos, D0R-1S, etc.))
[ ] Major Heroes (+10 to all actions concerning main Disney Protagonists (Goliath, Star Butterfly, Mr. Incredible, etc.))
[ ] Major Events (+10 to Random Event Rolls and to all rolls made during a Crisis)
 
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Game Mechanics
Note: These mechanics are taken from Made in Heaven's DoofQuest. Come check it out here!

Each turn will encompass everything done in one season (spring, fall, etc.). There will be a total of four turns in a year, and certain actions may be locked or unlocked depending on the time period.

National Actions are actions that further your goals and standing in the world. They encompass everything from corporate day-to-day affairs, spying on somebody, performing acts of heroism, recruiting new employees, or making exciting new leaps in technology. They fall into one of five categories- martial, diplomacy, stewardship, intrigue, or learning. In each turn, two actions from each category may be attempted, for a total of ten National Actions a turn. This limit may be raised in the future through special actions.

The base roll for a National Action will be as follows, rolling against a certain DC:



1d100 + Relevant stat of Doofenshmirtz + relevant stat of assigned hero + trait bonuses of Doof or assigned hero + loyalty bonus of hero+omake bonus



Rolling a 10 or below on the straight roll on a National Action will automatically critically fail, unless the action succeeds, in which case the result is a bare success. Rolling a 90 or more is a critical success, unless the action fails, in which case the result is a bare failure. Rolling a natural 100 on an action will cause the die to explode, allowing it to be rolled again. At certain points in the future, actions can be unlocked to lower the explosion threshold- the number that the die has to surpass naturally in order to explode. Theoretically it could be lowered to 90 or even lower, ensuring that every natural roll that surpasses that number will cause an explosion.

Personal actions are actions that each individual hero unit can attempt per turn. Normally, these are simple things that range from talking to people, social networking, meeting up and trying to improve relationships, or even something as mundane as seeing a movie. These actions may potentially unlock new research options or hero units, as well as increasing your employees' loyalty.

In lieu of a personal action, a hero unit may be assigned to a single national action per turn. This will add their relevant stat value to the roll.

As Dr. Doofenshmirtz, you will have a total of four personal actions per turn. They may be spent as you wish, but if you so choose you can burn three of your personal actions on giving a project your "special attention". This means that I will roll for the action twice, with relevant modifiers included, and take the better of the two rolls.

For most normal personal actions, a flat 1d100 will be rolled, with higher numbers indicating a greater degree of success. It is impossible to critically fail or critically succeed at a personal action as the failures or successes will take place in mundane ways. Getting a 1 when going to see a drive-in movie may simply result in the picture being rained out, while rolling a 100 could lead to that unit developing a greater appreciation for that genre of film.

Hero Units

Regardless of their actual morality, 'heroes' refer to notable individuals under your employ that can be assigned to certain tasks. While you have legions of nameless, faceless employees keeping things running smoothly behind the scenes, heroes are what make the magic happen- perhaps literally in some cases.

You will start off with one Hero under your employ, and through various actions others can be recruited to your cause. Sometimes this will be as straightforward as a Diplomacy action, while other times entire questlines of successive actions will have to be completed. You might even unlock heroes through some personal actions if you make the right ones.

Heroic units are not static and will react to your actions as they occur. Being excessively cruel might earn you the ire of some individuals under your employ, while others might be impressed by it. If treated poorly enough certain heroes might end up leaving or even betraying you! Conversely, treating heroes well may gain you their loyalty, along with potential new perks to use, or in some cases new hero units or technology as well. There is always the risk of exceptionally unstable individuals acting against your interests regardless, so you may need to balance this risk with any benefits they may offer- a mad scientist who offers +60 learning just might be worth it, even if he's liable to freak out and set fire to things unprovoked.

Money

Since you start out as the head of a corporation when money becomes a factor, it will be no issue for the most part. In order to become a megacorp, you'll have to be a bit stingy, but you should be alright for the most part. I won't be tracking specific dollar amounts, so you should always assume that you have enough money unless you seriously screw things up. Of course, money can't buy everything, and some people won't be willing to sell. The DC for a corporate buyout, for instance, would be more indicative of liquidating some of your assets and attending boardroom meetings rather than trying to come up with the cash.

Fanart and Omakes

I will be awarding bonuses for anyone who is willing to complete a good omake or piece of fanart! For a set price of XP you can buy one-time roll advantages, such as adding a certain bonus, lowering the crit threshold, or lowering the DC of that particular roll. There's a limit to how much you can put on one roll, but you can buy as many as you can afford with your XP.

'Canon' omakes would be stories that could actually take place in the quest's universe, and more importantly, can provide rumors that you could potentially act on. Got a favorite minor character that you really want to show up? Write an omake about them! With a little bit of tweaking to ensure it's canonical, your character may very well be available as a hero unit in the future! Of course, I will be holding certain characters in reserve until certain events are completed, so I won't be able to canonize certain pieces of content. Some characters may not be used at all, due to personal knowledge/perference.

Non-canon omakes would be just for fun. Have you got an amusing story idea, or wondered what would happen if the quest was taken in a different way? Write something up and you can earn some XP! This will be completely separate from the quest though, and have absolutely no bearing on any future events.

Fanart will also earn you a bonus, but it's got to be at least mostly relevant to the quest. Your picture of Thanos fighting Goku might be awesome, but it won't be awarded any XP. High-quality non-content will be given half as much XP as fanart or omakes, but I reserve the right to stop this if it looks like things are getting spammy.

For 100 XP, you can lower the DC of a roll by 1, add 1 to any one roll, or lower the explosion threshold of a roll by 1. A maximum of 2000 XP can be used per roll.

Canon and the Questline

This quest will be taking inspiration from the DoofQuest project, but it will not be following it wholesale. Many parts of that setting are designed to be played from a villainous perspective. As such, some of the information you may find in the linked documents may not be fully accurate to the universe this quest is taking place in.

What about the more specific properties? In general, I'll be following canon closely for inspiration, though I'm not going to behold myself to every little detail and may in fact change some things to make them more interesting and fun. I may even go completely off the rails in some cases! Everything you know and love about the franchises may still hold true- David Xanatos might still a Machiavellian businessman, Scrooge McDuck might still the richest duck in the world- but the way that specific events in canon may have played out could be vastly different. All you need to know for certain is this: nothing has happened yet. Through specific actions, or just by talking to the right people, you may alter the specifics while other details could still follow canon.

Any Disney or Disney-adjacent properties that are set in the modern day have a reasonable chance of making at least a cameo appearance… although I should mention this is only restricted to Disney or Disney-adjacent properties. While you might catch references to things like Marvel, Star Wars, or a number of other things, they're just that: references. No actual crossover is going to be taking place, so you can rest easy in knowing that the appearance of a Doctor Octopus equivalent won't be lugging along an incredible amount of cosmic baggage.

However, that's not to say I'm going to completely leave that stuff out. See Random Blips for more details...


Action Mechanics

A basic roll will be1d100+Relevant Stat of Doofenshmirtz + relevant stat of any assigned hero + trait bonuses of assigned Hero + loyalty bonus of hero + omake bonus. The goal is to meet the DC of a particular action, but there are varying degrees of success and failure.

Critical failures happen when your flat roll is 10 or lower, or if a natural 1 is rolled at any time. These are incredibly striking failures that may result in units or property becoming damaged, huge problems popping up, or even actions being taken against you if severe enough.

Normal failures happen if your roll is not a crit fail nor within ten points of the DC. You simply fail to complete what has been attempted. Sometimes this may result in lowering the DC, but not always.

Bare failures happen if your roll is within 10 of the DC. This will result in the project failing to be completed and lower the DC by half for the next time, as you have still completed most of the work. A final result of 90-99 on a DC 100 is a bare failure.

If your flat roll is 90 or higher, this will count as a critical success. This means that you have done the best you possibly can on that action, generally resulting in some positive effect for you. This could be anything from a vastly superior product to unlocking brand new research options as if your development team had an unexpected breakthrough.

Newsstand

Every season, you will get a comprehensive update on the circumstances surrounding both the world of business and the world of supers. Each turn, each major super and company will roll a d100. Possible bonuses can be added depending on the context of the roll. The amount of success they have will depend on the roll. Major villains will also all roll a d2 every turn to see if they have to face a major hero before rolling their d100. If the villain's roll beats the hero's, they get away. If the villain rolls a 50 or lower, however, their plan fails no matter what. If the hero's roll beats the villain's, the villain must go to jail. Come the next turn, that villain must pass a DC of 50 in order to escape and resume normal mayhem the turn after.

Hero success directly relates to how easy it will be to convince them to work for you. If they aren't doing so well, having a corporate backer will become appealing. If they are doing well, they will be less convinced that it's necessary. Any heroes working for you will have a +15 to all their rolls in the Newsstand, and if they do well, you get some income depending on the degree of success.

Reputation

Supers and Capes in this quest have Reputation based on their actions. Success and playing into their brand increases it, while failure and embarrassment decreases it. Supers with large Reputation may request funding and help from other Supers more easily, while those with less will find sympathetic allies and supplies harder to find. Reputation is also used in the government, allowing its agents and employees to rise through the ranks due to their successes. You can use this to make it harder for villains to find resources, gain more supplies for your heroes, and promote sympathetic members of the government into higher positions.

Random Events

Following your personal and national actions every turn, I will be rolling 1d100 to see what sort of random events will take place in that particular month. There is no way to control or modify this roll, you'll simply have to deal with the results as they happen. Higher numbers mean good things for you while lower numbers mean bad ones. These events could be anything, ranging from unexpected boons like new research options to minor, annoying events taking place elsewhere in the world to the start of something terrible you will have to deal with eventually. Some will just be for flavor and might not practically affect you at all.

Random Blips

Every year, I will roll another d100 to see what the timeline will throw at us. Due to Future Doof's tampering, it is now much more unstable then before as the stack of paradoxes pretending to be a timeline starts to tremble. Now, don't worry, it's not going to explode or anything. There's no Doomsday Clock or worsening status of the timeline, and this quest isn't on any timer except the one leading to Bill's arrival. However, it will stretch the fabric of space-time enough for some things to fall through. Whether or not they are good or bad is up to the dice, for they also decide where exactly this thing lands, as well as what/who it is. In a Blip, you may see a DVV Classic character show up, or a magical item, or even a character from the MCU! But that last one's only if you're really lucky. And no Star Wars, either. I'm staying out of space as much as possible. However, the actions you take in the present will affect the timestream and by extension the Blips (heroic victories add bonuses, villainous victories add maluses).

Loyalty

All of your hero units will have a loyalty value assigned to them that reflects how loyal they are to you and your cause. For most units, this starts at 0 and can range from -100 to 100. A value of 0 to -25 indicates that the unit mildly dislikes you- nothing too serious for now, and it won't cause any harmful actions against you, but you might want to watch out to make sure it doesn't get worse. At -25 and beyond they will actively start hating you, and may make moves to pack up and leave at the earliest possible opportunity. Values of -75 or worse are when they will probably start to contemplate murder- at this point they deeply despise you and will actively attempt to work against you. Conversely, values above 25 will have them consider you a mild acquaintance, above 50 as a friend, and above 75 will see them start to consider unquestioning loyalty.

Just like in CK2, various modifiers can act upon this. Anyone under your employ automatically gets your diplomacy added to their loyalty, but certain people may have modifiers from the start. An intern you hire on may have a +15 modifier for giving them a job they really need, while a government employee could have a -20 modifier for you flouting the government's authority. Modifiers like these are permanent until some event removes or alters them- the government employee won't change too much just because you invite him to a few cocktail parties, for instance, but if you prove to him that his loyalty is genuinely deserved he might lose the malus.

Pay attention to your heroes' likes and dislikes! Forcing someone to work on a job they despise will give them a mild malus that will decay in a few months… unless you actively force them to keep working on that, in which case the modifiers stack, and the time it takes to remove will increase. Hiring a botanist and forcing them to work on organic chemistry will not go over well!

There's an advantage to keeping your heroes as loyal to you as possible. When making a roll, their loyalty will be reflected in a bonus modifier. A rating of -25 to 0 or 0 to 25 gives you an additional 10% of their relevant stat for that roll either subtracted or added, respectively. 25-49 will give you 15% added, 50-74 20%, and 75-100 25%. Numbers will be rounded down to the nearest whole.

If you have a hero with an Intrigue of 32 and a Loyalty of 15, they will gain a 32*0.1 rounded down bonus, or 3. The total roll will be:



1d100 + Doof's Intrigue + 32 + (32*.1=3.2, rounded down to 3) + any other relevant modifiers



Quest Missions

At certain points in the quest you will be given the opportunity to participate in events that will be more involved than a single roll. These can range from opportunities to explore new locales, from lost temples to other planets, attend technology expos or huge parties, and have the opportunity to make powerful friends or attain huge technological leaps. Many of these events will be time-limited but I'll always tell you when that's the case.

Up to five hero units may be assigned to a mission at a time by spending their personal actions, and you can only participate personally in some of these. It makes sense for you to attend a party, but not so much for you to go spelunking in an unknown area. Quests will usually contain a series of DCs that the heroes you assign will have to pass. Obviously, once these units are assigned to a mission they may not be assigned to anything else, and if the Quest takes more than one Turn they will remain unavailable for Personal Actions until the Quest is completed.
 
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Lore
What is Disney Villains Victorious?

This quest will be based on a campaign setting (DVV: Gridlocked) where all your favorite Disney villains won and rule the US of A! Only this is the late 1980s, meaning you have the opportunity to prevent it from ever happening! You could even prevent certain events from happening, such as the invention of the MCP or the passing of the SRA, altering the timeline if you so wish.

The World at Large

The world of the quest may seem superficially similar to our own, but there are several things about it that make the setting unique. You will learn more about the world and its history as the quest progresses.

Superpowers

There are some men and women who can rise above mortal limitations and exhibit extraordinary capabilities, whether through biological or technological means. While the term for such individuals has historically been 'super', 'capes' has seen rising popularity in recent years after many people seemed to realize that you do not, in fact, need superpowers to be a hero or villain- technology works just as well, or even better in some instances. This has seen some quiet support online from various social media platforms, as apparently some people do not appreciate technology being slighted.

Superpowers range from the generic to the more esoteric, although there have been very few 'city breaking' levels of power recorded. There's certainly no Superman equivalent, even the strongest of the flying bricks can't even approach light speed. Most criminals and the heroes that respond to them are street tier at best, and if they're capable of punching above their weight class very few people document it.

Toons

Toons, short for Cartoons, are creatures of ink and whimsy created when an animator truly, deeply believes in their art. While no one knows exactly how toons come to be, come to be they do, full of vim and vigor and a desire to entertain. Most, though not all, toons entertain through comedy, and cannot resist a good joke or a chance to make others smile and laugh. Incredibly resilient, toons have a small degree of reality-warping called Toonforce, and can dish out and withstand incredible degrees of damage without actually killing anyone. Most toons would never dream of seriously injuring another person, and they themselves can be permanently killed only by the acetone-turpentine mix known as Dip.

Some toons can be very similar to their on-screen personas, rather like method acting taken to the extreme, but other toons are quite different in their private lives than the characters they played in theaters.

Anthropic Animals

Several cities on the West Coast are populated by walking talking animals. While the line between funny animal and toon can sometimes be unclear, anthropic animals generally do not possess a toon's obsession with comedy or physical resilience. For all intents and purposes, they are furrier- or featherier- people. They are mostly found in the regions of Calistota, Zootopia State, and Cape Suzette.

The Masquerade

'The Masquerade' is a general term used to describe the many secret worlds that are hidden throughout Gridlocked America, that people 'in the know' are aware of but the average joe is not. There are two big secrets in the country that the government hides from the public: The existence of magic, and the existence of aliens. There may be other hidden worlds as well, places and people even uncle Sam has no idea of. Details on these hidden worlds are something you'll have to find out through the Book of Doofenshmirtz or old, reliable research…

Or you could just read the setting lore. Cheaters.

Magic and Aliens

You were certain that these two subjects are real, all thanks to the autobiography from the future. If you want to discover what wonders they hide, then you will have to work hard to reach them.

The Government

Thanks to the information given by the Book of Doofenshmirtz, you were able to make nice with the Feds early on, and even gained some friends willing to part with some information on occasion. Congress is even ready to give you a loan to start your plan! But, even with these generous start, you might want to be careful with your actions if you want to stay at their good side. Even Future Doof was wary of making uncle Sam angry.

Paradoxes

Throughout the quest, you might notice that some things don't exactly line up. Dates may contradict each other, events could've happened in the past that outright invalidate others, and some people could inexplicably be holding positions of power for decades despite not looking a day over thirty. But due to the circumstances that led to the beginning of this quest, the stability of this reality has weakened into a film that passes the truly inexplicable to this point, making things literally pop up out of nowhere! Whatever shows up can either be a minor thing or an event that could shake up the progress of your goals.
 
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Runoff Vote
Okay, it's pretty clear what Doof's specialty is going to be, as well as the first two emphases in the Book of Doofenshmirtz. So, in the interest of saving time, I will hold a runoff vote for the last two. All other votes are closed. Here are the options (pick 2):

[ ] Major Villains (+10 to all actions concerning Disney Antagonists (Drakken, Xanatos, D0R-1S, etc.))
[ ] Major Heroes (+10 to all actions concerning main Disney Protagonists (Goliath, Star Butterfly, Mr. Incredible, etc.))
[ ] Major Events (+10 to Random Event Rolls and to all rolls made during a Crisis)

Voting closes tomorrow at 1:00pm EST.
 
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Turn 0: Spring 1987
It's been almost two years since you knocked on Monogram's door to warn him and the government about what was to come. The man had been skeptical at first, but you managed to quote enough personal details about him that you convinced him you were either a very dedicated stalker or telling the truth. Either way, you needed to be dealt with by those higher up the food chain.

He took you to his superiors, who were also very keen to get to know you as well. At first, they just tried to do it their way and use the Book for their own ends without needing you as an intermediary. But Future Doofenshmirtz didn't call himself evil for nothing! Turns out, the Book is enchanted. Only you can open the Book of Doofenshmirtz (or anyone else you deem worthy, but they didn't need to know that). Otherwise, it just remains stubbornly closed. Realizing they were stuck with you, the government decided to employ you as an agent so you could help them weather the storm.

You were actually pretty decent at it, especially with that Foreign Diplomacy class. You were able to weaponize the hidden charm behind your… lackluster appearance into something much more useful. Now, with your expanded knowledge of culture and language, you were much less likely to tick someone off and even manage to keep civil conversation most of the time. Of course, with all the training, you hadn't managed to devote as much time to studying science as you wished. You were quite certain that you could build anything Future Doof could, though you would probably require more time to do so. Of course, that was the trade off for the time you spent training. In return, you were now much more charismatic than Future Doof ever was, and had more combat and stealth experience to boot too! Also, you had to admit, the MiB look really worked for you.

You also spent the time in the agencies of the government gathering close allies. Future Doof hadn't done everything by himself or with faceless organizations; he had put his faith in people, and it had paid off. Now, you were going to do the same. Your friend group, which included Monogram after you wore him down with your charm, consisted of multiple people across the agencies. The high brass called you the Doof Troop, which led to some mockery until their actions on the field shut them right up. On top of that, you also had a list of people who knew you, respected you, and/or owed you a favor that you can cash in at a later point.

You also took the time to propose your hero entrepreneur plan to your superiors. They ran it past their math boys, and they said it was actually 43.9% more likely to work than what the government had come up with. So, they were prepared to give you the go ahead, as well as a nice severance package to get you started, but first they wanted to see how you yourself did on the field. While the Doof Troop had been racking up victories, you hadn't been cleared for any high stakes missions.

Which leads to now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At first, everything was normal. After the mediocre performance that was Combat Training (Lance Sterling once again beating your butt like a drum despite being even more of a rookie then you were!), you went to lunch in the cafeteria. There, you were quickly waved over by some of your fellow "Doof Troop" members.

The present Doof Troop consisted of Mr. X, an alien enthusiast whom you befriended over your shared knowledge of the extraterrestrial (with you correcting a few of his more bogus beliefs), Betty Director, whom you bonded with over crappy siblings and having prejudice stacked against you moving up the ladder (you were a crackpot immigrant and she was a woman whose brother went really bad), Woodrow "Woody" Wilkins, who knew a thing or two about being thrust into this business simply by being in the right place at the right time, and the kooky Sara Bellum, whom you bonded with over a shared love of gadgets and incredible science. It was a somewhat melting pot of a group, but from what you've read, Future Doof wasn't much better. They all had their own quirks and hobbies, but really that's what made you all click. You were a bunch of weirdos and oddballs, that's what made you efficient.

X chuckled as you sat down at their table. "Lance thrash you again, did he?" he asked.

You heaved a heavy sigh. "I just don't get it," you grumbled. "Four months of training, and he's already throwing me around like a ragdoll! I know I'm not the best at combat, but I should not be this easy to take down!"

Woody just laughed. "That kid's going to go places, I guarantee it. Did you know he's even got his own soundtrack picked out for when he's thrashing the bad guys?"

You rolled your eyes as the others chuckled. "He's certainly dramatic enough for it, let me tell ya," you said.

An ice pack was plopped beside your tray. "Here," Betty said. "For the bruises inflicted by the 'dramatic newbie' on the 'completely-not-dramatic' Heinz Doofenshmirtz."

You smiled. "Ah, thanks Betty," you said. "You're always so considerate to me! It's really appreciated."

You start to ice your bruises, only to turn and see the others giving Betty funny looks and the woman herself rather flushed.

Huh. Weird. Maybe she's coming down with something?

"Heinz," came a deep voice from behind you. You turn to the large form of Agent Cobra Bubbles, the final member of the Doof Troop besides Monogram. Your meeting had been unconventional, due to running into each other on a reconnaissance mission in Budapest. However, you had gotten stuck together in a safe house for over a week and had no other choice but to talk to each other. It turned out you shared a lot of values and ideals. Bubbles was also really appreciative of the fact that you were risking a lot to save the world. Plus, the kinds of things you had to do in Budapest kinda left you no other route besides friends.

You smiled at the smirking hulk before you. "Hey, there, Cobra! We were just discussing Lance Sterling. Care to add your two cents?"

The man chuckled. "Any other day I would, but we have bigger things to focus on." He then shot you a very smug look and handed you a folder. "You were right. Air Force just reported in a large U.F.O. in the atmosphere setting down near Roswell, New Mexico. Given the schematics from the Codex, the boys are 90% certain it's GalFed. The Doof Troop has full jurisdiction and you're in charge."

In order to protect the existence of your Book from any spies or villains, the only time it was mentioned by its title was in absolute privacy. Otherwise, it was only mentioned as the Codex, which the government had secured through means that were highly classified. It was never mentioned to have any connection to you specifically, which was entirely the point.

You got an excited grin on your face, as did everyone else at the table. The Doof Troop all knew the reality of the Codex, as well as what you being in charge meant. This was your graduating moment, where the government would know once and for all how well you can lead. If you could pull this mission off, not to mention set the groundwork for preventing the Occupation of Hawaii, it will mean a lot later down the road.

You turned to your friends. "Alright, guys, this is what we've been waiting for! Let's get this done and get it done righ-!"

The door burst open as Monogram, mustache much more substantial and handsome as well as sporting his promotion to Major proudly on his jacket, bustled in, looking rather haggard. "Doof! Update on Project Flux!" he said as soon as he got close enough to whisper.

You stiffen. According to hearsay and rumor throughout the ranks of the government's agents, Project Flux was a time travel experiment gone wrong, causing instability throughout the timestream. Nothing so serious that the universe would start blowing up, but enough that all prophecy, precognition, and foresight was more a set of guidelines than concrete fact. It also warranted more study to make sure the aftershocks weren't devastating. You, of course, knew that this rumor was bogus. It was just a way to avoid talking about the fact that the timeline was a hot mess, so the Book couldn't be relied on as a set of solid facts.

The fact that Monogram was mentioning this meant that something had not gone to plan.

You nodded at your friend who pulled out a newspaper and plopped it on the table. You all gape in shock at the headline.

MARVIN ACME MURDERED! ROGER RABBIT PRIME SUSPECT FOR FOUL PLAY

Oh no. While the Book hadn't focused on Doof's villainous acquaintances (for reasons you couldn't fathom, given Doof himself was a villain), it did mention how the "Kings" had come to power. Roger Rabbit's framing and execution by Judge Doom had cemented the murderous Toon's political power, as well as his Dipping of Toontown. The fact that Acme was dead now instead of in another few years meant that Doom was moving in for the kill ahead of schedule.

Put simply, this was bad.

"The higher ups want the Doof Troop on this immediately," Monogram whispered. "They're using it as your opportunity."

You grimaced and handed Monogram the folder on Roswell as you placed your chin in your hands to think.

Monogram read the folder and choked. "Two highly important missions at once?!" he whisper-shouted. "This is bureaucracy's fault, I just know it!"

In the present, everyone is looking at you as your gaze is locked on the newspaper in front of you. "What now, Heinz?" asks Mr. X.

You know the answer. You'll have to ignore all conventions and common sense and split the party. It's the only way to get both tasks done in time. With you in charge, it shouldn't be difficult to get the higher-ups to approve. But who should go where? Which mission should you go on? And should you have someone take the Book just in case? You trust these guys enough that you can make them worthy of reading the Book's useful hints, but who needs it more is the question? And should you take the risk at all? The higher-ups may just pressure whoever you decide into giving it up, making you irrelevant.

You take a deep breath. It's mission time.

——————————————————————

Double trouble! Two missions of equal importance have appeared at the same time! It's up to you to deploy the most appropriate squads. Choose wisely. (You can split the party evenly or you can send Doof completely off on his own. WARNING: this means Doof rolls completely by himself and does not get any other modifiers beyond what he himself can do.)

Doof Troop
Doofenshmirtz
Cobra Bubbles
Major Francis Monogram
Woodrow "Woody" Wilkins
Betty "Dr." Director
Mr. X

Missions
GalFed Mission = Mission Welcoming Party
Roger Rabbit Mission = Mission Show Stopper

Team A
-[ ] Mission: (Welcoming Party) or (Show Stopper)
-[X] Doof (Leader)
-[ ] ???

Team B
-[ ] Mission: (Welcoming Party) or (Show Stopper)
-[ ] ??? (Leader)
-[ ] ???

Book of Doofenshmirtz
-[ ] Entrust it to a member of the Doof Troop
--[ ] Whom do you trust?
-[ ] Don't entrust it to a member of the Doof Troop

Available Units (THIS TURN ONLY!!!!)

Source: Phineas and Ferb, 2007
Martial: 14 (You've been trained by the federal government's best and brightest. Despite your… mediocre performance, you can hold your own pretty well)

Diplomacy: 24 (Despite your... lackluster appearance, you have been coached in the art of diplomacy by the feds' best and brightest. The fact that you can speak almost any language and people find something endearing about you doesn't hurt.)

Stewardship: 19 (You ran a megacorporation in another life and were part of the federal government for a while. You have a decent amount of organizing skills and are very good at sourcing materials. As long as no one asks you to work the intercom (there are some things not even time travel can fix, apparently), you can get by. )

Intrigue: 25 (Some people back home have called you credible, but your knowledge of traps is now second to none. You were also a secret agent. You had to pick up something.)

Learning: 28 (You can now routinely tell the laws of physics to shut up and sit down, and you don't even need magic to cheat with.)

Occult: 11 (You can't cast anything major yet, but you're rather gifted with charm spells and the Book did gift you with background knowledge on the whole magic thing.)
Traits
  • COMPLETELY EXPECTED: In the event that hostile forces attempt to infiltrate your headquarters, your countless masterwork traps increase their DC by 20.
  • Omnidisciplinary: You have a decent understanding of all branches of science and may work on any of them with no penalty.
  • Multilingual: You can speak almost any known language on the planet. You don't need to roll to understand anyone speaking or writing in a known language, and you get a +20 to rolls that let you try to decipher ones you don't know (this does not trigger for pictographic languages like hieroglyphics).
  • Cultural Expert: You are familiar with the customs of almost every main culture in the world. You gain a +15 to Diplomacy checks when meeting with someone with a different culture than yours and you get a +10 to the roll when you're confronted with a new one.
  • Shakespearean Flyter: Your silver tongue is now useful for more than just striking deals or flattering others. +15 to any Diplomacy checks you make while in a debate and a +10 to any Intrigue rolls when you're covertly insulting someone.


Source: Phineas and Ferb, 2007
Martial: 17 (While not a master combatant, Monogram has managed to hold his own in Combat Class (except against Lance Sterling).)

Diplomacy: 11 (While certainly charismatic, it's not a skill Monogram uses often or effectively.)

Stewardship: 9 (Monogram was once hopeless at this, but his friends have managed to teach him how to at least balance a checkbook. Man
needs an unpaid intern or something…)

Intrigue: 23 (Monogram received top grades in Advanced Subterfuge, unlike Doof who barely failed to qualify.)

Learning: 12 (While being around Sara and Doof has helped his technical knowledge, Monogram has not had a formal education since… the Academy.)

Occult: 3 (Monogram knows it exists through Doof, but still remains skeptical.)
Traits
  • Suspended Disbelief: Monogram's proposals for the future of spying have been met with… skepticism. With your backing, though, his proposals are finally starting to go places. He gains a +10 to any actions that prop up his proposals (such as OWCA) and takes a -10 every time such actions fail due to sponsors pulling out (this can be canceled out with a successful action).
  • I wanna sing~!: Francis has… certain tastes. +10 to any actions concerning music
Opinion: 40
  • Primary Contact: Monogram was the first friend you made in this country and your go-to man for almost anything in the government. (+10)
  • I'm A Believer: You had faith in Monogram's ideas when everyone else doubted him. He's very thankful. (+15)
  • Savior: You're trying your hardest to save the world from Weirdmaggedon and all the other bad things on the way. Monogram appreciates this. (+5)
  • Doof Troop: +10


Source: Lilo and Stitch, 2002
Martial: 19 (Bubbles is a big, beefy man trained in combat. Enough said.)

Diplomacy: 12 (Bubbles doesn't deliberately try, but his presence just seems to make people get on guard, despite being pretty friendly once you get past the stoicism.)

Stewardship: 13 (Bubbles can organize a strike team, but that's about it.)

Intrigue: 25 (For such a large man, he's able to hide very easily. Probably his spy training at work.)

Learning: 16 (Bubbles received a degree in child psychology, but that's about it.)

Occult: 7 (After Budapest, Bubbles is ready to believe just about anything. He still can't cast anything, though.)
Traits
  • Looming Presence: Bubbles is a big man with an excellent poker face. Any attempt to surprise him must pass an Intrigue DC of 80 and he gains a +10 to any rolls that involve intimidation or psyching someone out.
  • Children are the Future: Bubbles is very protective of children and plans on retiring to Child Services once his time in the CIA is up. He gains a +15 to any Intrigue rolls gauging if a child is in a safe situation and any attempt to convince him of another course of action for the said child must pass a Diplomacy DC of 90.
Opinion: 35
  • Budapest: What happens in Budapest stays in Budapest, but it also cements lasting relationships. (+20)
  • Savior: You're trying your hardest to save the world from Weirdmaggedon and all the other bad things on the way. Bubbles appreciates this. (+5)
  • Doof Troop: +10


Source: Amphibia, 2019
Martial: 16 (While no expert, Mr. X was still trained in combat and can use several weapons.)

Diplomacy: 5 (While Mr. X is generally friendly towards those he's close with, he's prone to temper issues and generally just gives people the creeps.)

Stewardship: 18 (Mr. X is lining up to be the head of an entire branch of government spies, specifically tailored towards monitoring extraterrestrials.)

Intrigue: 21 (While Mr. X has a tendency to be… flashy, he does know how to stay covert and operate spy equipment)

Learning: 18 (Mr. X has a college degree, but that's about it.)

Occult: 6 (X knows about the Occult thanks to Doof and online research, but tends to get distracted by all the bogus conspiracy theories.)
Traits
  • Aliens!: Mr. X is obsessed with aliens. Any actions he takes concerning the subject gain a +15 due to intense focus. However, his tendency to "capture first, ask questions later" can have unintended consequences…
  • Twelve jolly dodgers and a fez!: Mr. X has a tendency to go… overtly when finishing a mission. When Mr. X takes an Intrigue action, he must roll a d4. On a 1, his actions alert his quarry that he's coming and the action takes a -10. On any other number, his overt finisher ensures no loose ends and adds a +10 to the action.
  • Ancillary-Jenny: Mr. X is always close to his trusty partner, Jenny. They give him a +15 for any Stewardship, Intrigue, or Occult actions.
Opinion: 30
  • Source of Knowledge: Not only did you believe Mr. X's theories, but you also took the time to correct the ones that were wrong so that he had a clearer picture. Mr. X appreciates this. (+15)
  • Savior: You're trying your hardest to save the world from Weirdmaggedon and all the other bad things on the way. Mr. X appreciates this. (+5)
  • Doof Troop: +10


Source: Kim Possible, 2005
Martial: 21 (Betty is highly skilled in several martial arts)

Diplomacy: 16 (Betty is a bit stand-offish, but can hold a genial conversation with most people and is not too proud to admit when she's out of her depth.)

Stewardship: 18 (Betty is preparing to take the reigns of Global Justice, though she still has some work to do.)

Intrigue: 38 (Betty might as well be Nick Fury, eyepatch and all. Her secrets have secrets.)

Learning: 15 (Betty went to college. All attempts to ask if she passed are answered with "It's classified.")

Occult: 5 (Betty's seen enough to take Doof at his word, but still retains a healthy skepticism of the mystic.)
Traits
  • On Loan: Betty works for GJ, but is working with the US Government to prevent the Oddpocalypse among other things. If she is called by GJ for other duties, she will not be available.
  • Spymaster: Betty is the physical embodiment of everything a spy should be. She automatically gains a +15 to any action concerning subterfuge, espionage, intelligence gathering, and counter-intelligence and can give a +10 to her party members when she personally assists them with such a task.
Opinion: 50
  • Sympathetic Shoulder: The two of you are constant venting buddies about both your past struggles and the bigotry and unfairness you suffer in modern days. This has allowed you to grow a great bond of trust. (+20)
  • Secret Keeper: Only three people alive know how Betty got her eyepatch: herself, her mother, and you. You have kept it that way. Betty is very grateful. (+10)
  • Savior: You're trying your hardest to save the world from Weirdmaggedon and all the other bad things on the way. Betty appreciates this. (+5)
  • Doof Troop: +10
  • ???: +5


Source: Condorman, 1981
Martial: 16 (Woody was never a prodigy fighter, but he's managed his own in several scraps. Training has only made him more efficient.)

Diplomacy: 12 (While Woody is extremely likable and friendly, he's also a bit of a klutz.)

Stewardship: 13 (Woody can organize a comic book plot and a checkbook. That's about it.)

Intrigue: 24 (Woody is a master of disguise and hiding in plain sight. Training has only sharpened that quality.)

Learning: 12 (Woody got a college degree in arts and creative writing, not in science.)

Occult: 7 (Woody is prepared to suspend his disbelief about a lot of things, including magic. He's more of a "try it before you declare it impossible" kind of guy.)
Traits
  • Condorman: Woody works best with a pre-planned op, straight out of one of his comic books. Whenever he is on an Intrigue action, the DC is raised by 5 because of this excessive planning and needed funding. But, if it is a bare failure, he may use these wacky schemes to complete his mission successfully. Someone who has never read Woody's comics must pass a Martial DC of 95 in order to keep the bare failure status. Someone familiar with Woody's comics must pass an Intrigue DC of 75 to do the same.
  • Gadgets and Gizmos: Woody often goes into the field with a large assortment of useful tools. When using these devices, he gains a +15 to his rolls.
  • ???: There's more to Woody than meets the eye…
  • Ancillary-Harry: Harry is Woody's closest friend and liaison to the CIA, despite just being a paper filer. Whenever Harry is with Woody, he adds +20 Stewardship and +10 to Intrigue.
Opinion: 40
  • Kindred Spirit: Something about you just lets you click with Woody. (+10)
  • Creative Minds: Woody appreciates having someone that shares his love of wacky schemes. (+5)
  • Familiar Background: Woody sympathizes with your situation on a personal level. (+10)
  • Savior: You're trying your hardest to save the world from Weirdmaggedon and all the other bad things on the way. Woody appreciates this. (+5)
  • Doof Troop: +10
 
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A Quickly Brown Fox Jumps over a lazy Dog
A Quickly Brown Fox Jumps over a lazy Dog.
(This was done, quick, not well)
His family lived in a den. His personal feelings aside from their antics, they were his family. So, when Quickly the fastest of his family, found out his brother, Frix killed hens in the old farm house, he knew they needed to run.

His brother Frix, was probably the stealthiest of his brothers, but he acted foolishly. This hen house, was guarded by the grumpiest Dog, in the neighborhood. He wouldn't have hunted them if they hadn't acted, he was sure of that. He was known as lazy, and probably why Frix had hunted those hens.

All of that was just noise, to Quickly, because the truth was his family was going to be hunted, and unlike his brother he wasn't holding pride for a fine meal of stolen chicken. No, he whimpered, for the crime, and the night to come.


Quickly growled at his brother Frix. Frix whimpered confused at Quickly's agression, dropping a dead chicken to Quickly's feet. Quickly, pointed his nose at it, and Frix froze, whimpering. Not, from quickly, but from the barking in the distance.

Quickly went to his other brothers and sisters, helping them to escape the Den, from the Dog.

Frix, hid in the bush watching Quickly, paralyzed in fear. Quickly herded his siblings, and as soon as the last of his siblings left, he saw the Dog. Quickly nodded, assured of the fate that awaited him. As Quickly stared the Dog down. It was massively larger than him, but quickly was quick, and through his taunts, he held the dogs attention. He ran, around the den, keeping the dog from following the others, by always being out of reach.

Unfortunately, The Dog eventually found Frix hiding, watching his brother. The dog turned to face the easier prey, and the true culprit for the incident that necessitated his attention in the first place. Behind the dog now, he would be too late, as the Dog would bite down, on his brother quickly enough. With one final push, Quickly the brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. Successfully getting in between the dog's maws, and his brother Frix.

Frix saw, his just brother die for his own sins, and with a dead fox, his brother Quickly, the dog left, a prize to show his master. Frix swore that day, that he would follow his brother's path one of justice, and truth. It was the inciting incident to his path to doing good, for he didn't want any brother to suffer like he did.
 
Getting to Know Agent Doofensmirtz
Getting To Know Agent Doofenshmirtz
Agent Cobra Bubbles was not a man who was prone to being easily impressed. A man with high standards for both himself and others, he was nevertheless more than happy to give credit where it was due. For example, despite his early misgivings about the man's capabilities, he was all too willing to say that Agent Doofenshmirtz was shaping up to be a capable field agent. As long as one knew how to work with his...Eccentricities.

"Pretty lucky that our target had a pet ocelot and not something weirder," said agent was saying to Monogram, the odd fellow as animated as ever as they took advantage of their R&R following the successful retrieval of a person of interest to catch some lunch in the Agency cafeteria, "We could have been in trouble otherwise!"

The other agent nodded, his face just as serious as ever as he ate. "Indeed, I didn't imagine your experiences in that regard would come up in such a way."

At that comment Mr. X gave his fellow agents a vaguely interested, mostly ambivalent look. "Experiences?" He asked raising one perfect brow, "Were you a zookeeper before you signed up with us?"

Heinz immediately shook his head, waving his sausage in a bun in a way that barely missed hitting Monogram in the face. "No, I was raised by ocelots! Some of the best years of my life in fact, would highly recommend it if you get the chance!"

Heinz took another bite of his lunch, not noticing that three of his teammates were now giving him odd looks. "Is...Is that a Drusselstein expression of some kind?" Betty asked, her sole visible eye showing her confusion, a familiar look where the immigrant was involved.

Shaking his head, Heinz hadn't seemed to notice the way his friends were looking at him now. "Not at all! After my mother kicked me out of the family home when I was seven," At this the normally unflappable Cobra dropped his sandwich as he stared at Heinz, "I wandered through the woods for a time before I came across a family of ocelots, who raised me as their own!"

There was a moment of silence at that, before as one Cobra, Woody, Betty, and X turned to look at Francis, silently begging him to say that they were being Punk'd. He paused to swallow his bite before answering. "It's true," he began, looking at his teammates with a slightly resigned expression, "I was there when he explained all this to the director, and while Drusselstein isn't known for keeping great personal records, everything we've found corroborates his numerous, horrible stories." There was a slightly dead look in Francis' eyes as he said the last few words.

"Well of course it's true," Heinz continued, giving his friends a confused look, "Wait, have I really never told any of you my Tragic Backstory? Well, we probably don't have enough time left in our break for the full story but I can give you the highlights! It all began on the day of my actual birth..."

Twenty minutes later Heinz was starting to wrap things up. "...But I ended up in America instead! Not long after that I met up with Francis here, and now here we are!" Suddenly there was a beeping noise from his pocket, and he quickly brought out his pager to look at. "Whoops! Looks at the time! I've gotta get going, see you all later!" With that Heinz popped the last of his meal in his mouth and made his way out of the cafeteria.

There was silence at the table, meals forgotten as four agents pondered the new information while Francis gave a tired sigh. "Yeah. And now you know why I no longer wonder why Heinz is the way he is. And that's just the stuff he was able to fit into a lunch break; there's worse things that he skipped over for one reason or another!"
 
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Voting Closed
Voting is closed! Here are the results:
Adhoc vote count started by mangawriter77 on Mar 21, 2023 at 4:26 PM, finished with 67 posts and 26 votes.

  • [x] Plan Quality and Quantity
    -[x] Team A
    --[x] Mission: Show Stopper
    --[X] Doof (Leader)
    --[x] Betty "Dr." Director
    -[x] Team B
    --[x] Mission: Welcoming Party
    --[x] Woodrow "Woody" Wilkins (Leader)
    --[x] Cobra Bubbles
    --[x] Mr. X
    --[x] Major Francis Monogram
    -[x] Entrust it to a member of the Doof Troop
    [X] Plan First Missions
    -[x] Mission: (Show Stopper)
    --[X] Betty "Dr." Director (Leader)
    --[x] Monogram
    --[x] Woodrow Wooly Wilkins
    -[x] Mission: (Welcoming Party)
    --[X] Doof (Leader)
    --[x] Cobra Bubbles
    --[x] Mr. X
    -[x] Entrust it to a member of the Doof Troop
    --[x] Betty "Dr." Director
    [X] It's only sensible
    [X] Plan Comedy and sanity
    -[x] Mission: (Show Stopper)
    -[X] Doof (Leader)
    -[X] Major monogram
    -[X] Woody
    -[x] Mission: (Welcoming Party)
    -[X] Bubbles (Leader)
    -[X] Mr X
    -[X]Betty
    -[x] Don't entrust it to a member of the Doof Troop
    [X] It's only sensible
    -[x] Mission: (Show Stopper)
    --[X] Doof (Leader)
    --[x] Monogram
    --[x] Betty "Dr." Director
    -[x] Mission: (Welcoming Party)
    --[x] Woodrow Wooly Wilkins (Leader)
    --[x] Cobra Bubbles
    --[x] Mr. X
    -[x] Don't entrust it to a member of the Doof Troop
 
Spring, 1987 Results
[x] Plan Quality and Quantity
-[x] Team A

--[x] Mission: Show Stopper
--[x] Doof (Leader)
--[x] Betty "Dr." Director
-[x] Team B
--[x] Mission: Welcoming Party
--[x] Woodrow "Woody" Wilkins (Leader)
--[x] Cobra Bubbles
--[x] Mr. X
--[x] Major Francis Monogram
-[x] Entrust it to a member of the Doof Troop
--[x] Betty "Dr." Director
Mission Welcoming Party
Intrigue DC: 160
Mr. X d4: 3
Mr. X gains a +10!
65+24+25+21+23+10+15+10+15+5 (Codex)=218
Success!
Diplomacy DC: 100 90
23+12+12+5+11+15-10(Mr. X)+10+5 (Codex)+15 (Temporal Inertia)=98
Bare success

The agency wasn't really sure what exactly you were doing when you sent the least diplomatic members of the Doof Troop to greet the aliens setting down. Well, Bubbles they understood as he had been around the first time, but the rest they weren't sure about. Especially Mr. X and his "apprehend the aliens" go-to (you assured them you had toned it down).

And to be fair to them, their lack of tact really bit them in the ass (and it turns out you hadn't toned it down as much as you thought you had). The alien visitors were actually looking for "primitive, backwater" worlds to basically terraform into mining colonies. Of course, they were going to leave any planet inhabited by an intelligent species alone, but just evacuate any planet inhabited by near-intelligent specie. Unfortunately, due to your lack of technological progress, you were considered "near-intelligent".

Thankfully, the Book's "Mosquitoes are Endangered" schtick worked, even though it wasn't the same as you had added more species as "endangered" just in case. The leader of the expedition, Pleakley, was actually an avid ecologist and was insistent that the planet be preserved as a wildlife reservation for the various species (you and a team of natural scientists managed to select mosquitoes and several other species in a way that encapsulated every fauna and flora as necessary components for the food chains of these "endangered" species), especially ones as "delicate and beautiful" as "Earthean" ones (that one you had to attribute to Mr. X's over the top presentation on the various species). However, he seemed dead set on having the planet occupied so that no interference or poaching could occur, even from the "near-intelligent" humans.

X would've done something stupid then and there, but luckily Monogram had him subdued and dragged off, which weirded the aliens out and didn't help your case that humans could be trusted to monitor the situation. Thankfully, Bubbles got a flash of inspiration and managed to convince Pleakley that humans were simple-minded creatures and obvious occupation may endanger the animals due to the "infinite horrific wonders of human stupidity." He managed to salvage the situation and convince the team to let Earth have a trial run. The aliens would return in two Earth years to see how the situation was progressing. If the natural order was managing fine without GalFed intervention, Earth would be left alone. But, if it wasn't, troops would occupy the planet.

Pleakley wasn't exactly convinced, but he allowed it as humans were much closer to the status of intelligence than most other "near-intelligent" species, if the fact that these humans had detected GalFed presence almost immediately was any indication. He left the planet concerned, but willing to take a leap of faith.

Hopefully, you can prove that that leap wasn't made in vain.

Mission Complete!
Galactic Federation met! They're not completely convinced you aren't brutes, but they're willing to give you a chance given your somewhat advanced tech. They will return in Spring 1989.
You have avoided GalFed occupation! The government is not impressed with the diplomacy near-breakdown, but the Doof Troop's improvisation and dramatics have impressed the higher-ups.
Bubbles gains reputation within government! He may use it to advance further.
Monogram gains reputation within government! He may use it to advance further.
Woody gains reputation within government! He may use it to advance further.
Mr. X has gained no reputation within government.
The government has given your future company +3 funds for this mission!

Mission Show Stopper
Initial Learning DC: 80
100+28+15+10 (BoD)+44 (Exploding Dice)=197
CRITICAL SUCCESS!!!
To be Continued in: Saving the Punchline

I am announcing a fun competition!

As you know, Doof spent two years in the government making friends and having small adventures. However, I did not elaborate beyond what I posted. Those are details I may fill in later, but for now?

They are in your hands!

Write up an omake about literally anything about Doof's time with the government (a typical day, meeting Woody, the immediate aftermath of Budapest, Doof telling his friends about the Book, etc.) and send it to me at mangawriter777@gmail.com. I will post the top 5 (or 10, depending on how many I get) as Sidestory threadmarks and reward the authors varying levels of XP, like so.

  1. 1000 XP
  2. 900 XP
  3. 800 XP
  4. 700 XP
  5. 600 XP
Your omake not make the cut? Don't worry! You can still post it in the thread and I will still reward it the same as any other omake.

So, good luck and have fun!
 
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