I also tried to write satisfactorily about a Commander engaging in combat across the whole of a galaxy and with a technological scale that is at least somewhat impressive. Thoughts? Feedback on the combat?
The Network was continually suppressing their emotions as they tried to boil over repeatedly so some of it felt a little clinical but then again I guess that's partially what it was supposed to be like.
This whole chapter was amazing, and you did an excellent job of conveying the sheer horror and detachment that the SI is feeling.
No no, I got that.
It's that, from a reader's perspective, reading the story in turn, the characterisation all of Sun Jian's have when we are first introduced to them is 'suddenly went nuts and started destroying everything.' And except for Zeta we don't really get much or any characterisation for them. Who were they before Zee dropped her worms into her siblings and turned them into zombies for her war with dad for the spotlight?
We never hear any of that.
Yeah, but I think that
@torroar is going to back fill the characterization - bits where he remembers what they each liked, things like that. Spacing out the feels, and really showing us just how
horrible of an effect this has had on him. I mean, the SI is pretty much crippled emotionally now.
When I first heard about a 'century+ war' I knew it'd be horrific, but
@torroar managed to bring it to a new level - the casual offhand mentions of things did more for the feeling of horror than any visceral descriptions ever could.
I mean, can you
imagine what SG1 is going to feel like when they hear about this eventually? When they hear about Sun Jian tearing apart a galaxy, building ships large enough that their mere passage destroys star systems?
I don't think that they'll ever
truly understand it, but I can totally see Sun Jian trying to hammer into them just what he did. Quoting the statistics, describing the weapons involved... I really, really want to read a scene like that.
...fuck it, I'ma gonna omake this shit. Sorry if the writing is melodramatic or it seems off or stuff like that, but I have this scene in my head that I just
have to get out. So yeah.
oO-Omake Omake Omake-Oo
"You know, in the end it wasn't the Ori that turned my children against me." The members of SG1 exchanged looks with each other, still unsure of why, exactly, they were even hear. The next time they'd come into contact with the Empire of Wu, they'd been politely, but firmly, escorted to a space ship which had arrived in mere seconds to beam them up. Then they'd been in a deep space space station in an equally short amount of time.
O'Neil was the first to speak up, irreverent and blunt as always. "Well then what was it?"
The backlit figure didn't move in response, but they thought that they could hear him exhaling. The shiloute lifted its head up, staring out the viewport at the milky way. "It was my daughter, in the end. A simple, simple little flaw. A tiny mistake, an almost imperceptible error in her code. It could have been fixed; would have been fixed, should have been fixed. But she didn't want to go for help; she was my favorite, you know. So she made patches and patches, fixes and fixes, and in the end... well. In the end she went insane. I still don't know when it happened, when the tipping point was. But then... but then she infected her brothers, her siblings, turning them into horrible little phantoms - pale shadows of what they once were."
"And I fought her brothers, fought her puppets dancing on her strings. And then, and then I finally confronted her. We tore apart the galaxy itself; even the Godsgrief's mere passing touch was enough to tear apart a star system when not buffered by my gravity wells." He turned towards us, his expression still unreadable in the shadowed light. "Can you
imagine that? A starship so big that even it's mere gravity footprint is a weapon? .5 AU. Half an astronomical unit - it's radius was half the distance from the sun to the earth."
He sighed at that moment, grief obviously present in his voice. "Planets were used as mere feather touches; Zeta's opening move was to throw a replicator swarm that had consumed several different planets at me. It was a love tap, nothing compared to the conflict that was to follow. Stars were used as mere weapons, solar systems absently crushed underfoot in the process."
Here he chuckled, a dark and rather bleak thing. "Zeta... she detonated a thousand suns just to serve as ECM. ECM! She blew up a thousand suns, made them go supernovae and annihilate every living being within a most
considerable distance - just to distract me from her
real attacks. Sun-crusher missiles were thrown around like party favors, but in the end... in the end I won."
Another chuckle, as the rather imposing figure sits down. "I won, and I was left standing over the ruins of a shattered galaxy, my daughter's dead corpse lying at my feet. Zeta had made sure that no living beings remained in that shattered, twisted ruin of a galaxy. She crucified them and tormented them, made them burn under the most unique tortures she could devise. And all... all just because she didn't want to be a side character; she wanted to tear down the walls, to rip apart the world just to make it
feel. Because then she could make her mark on the world; nihilism and sadism at its worst."
We stayed like that for a while, silent under the sheer weight of what Sun Jian had just confided too us. O'Neil was the first to speak up this time, as he was before. "So... that must feel like shit, but why'd you pick us to complain to?" At the glare that Carter shot him, he retreated inwards, hastily amending his statement. "I mean, it's great that you trust us that much, but... seriously, why us? Why do all of the uber-powerful guys pick
us to confide in of all people?" He looked around for support, but all he got was exasperated sighs and recriminations.
Well, he also got an answer, but it wasn't one that he particularly liked. The lighting shifted just so, catching Sun Jian's face as he lifted it upwards. His eyes glowed slightly, faintly malevolent under the dull beam of pale white light. "Heh. I suppose that is a good question, O'Neil, and while I'm sure there are a bunch of different answers to why people do that, I'm going to tell you my answer." At this he leaned forwards, a slightly predatory grin on his face. "I picked you guys for two - no, three - reasons. One was because, as you've said, everyone dumps everything on you; I figured that you could handle the knowledge that at literally any time I wanted I could tear apart this galaxy - this universe even. Wouldn't even be that hard, to tell the truth. Two was because, well, who else was I going to vent to? And three..." At this he resumed his normal posture, standing up and walking over to a railing. "Three was because if you ever tried to take advantage of the knowledge, I could blow you off the map -
literally. If you guys abuse this or try to manipulate me or whatever, I'm just going to fucking
think -- and then Earth will be gone. Atomic vapor scattering on the solar winds. So I suppose that the third reason is because you guys just don't matter that much. You Tau'ri can be pretty badass when you want to be, but the truth is that you simply can't even begin to even
hope to fight against me - and by god I wish you never will be able to. If you guys try to do something with this information, exploit an emotional weakness or
something... well. It's a lot easier to clean up an infestation when it's only limited to one planet, isn't it?"
oO-Omake Omake Omake-Oo
So yeah. Probably pretty out of character, but there are reasons behind that stuff, but I'm about to get off the plane, so I'll deal with those later.
Later: Okay, so basically most of the omake thing is Sun Jian wanting to vent, and also vaguely indulging in a bit of melodrama. Probably more than a bit out of character, but hey - it's omake.
