Devastation Comes In Big Packages [Planetary Annihilation/Multicross SI]
I'm sigging this.
Kairos123
Insomniac Extraordinaire
I read the chapter. To give some background, this is the first chapter I've read at all. My thoughts are a jumble of "well now I have to read it," "that was amazing," "woaaaaaaaaah," and "GW wishes they could make the Horus Heresy that emotional."
I think you did fucking fantastic.
Ah, I see. Ok then. It wasn't that clear to me, but I understand now. Either way, I appreciate your words in reaction and response
Well... it isn't. The twist came out of apparent nowhere and the characterisation of the sub commanders is rather flat where it isn't one dimensional. It'd have been great if the Pegasus Galaxy War was actually the focus of the plot arc and alluded to multiple times with evidence for and against, but not having the source of the problem be Zeta and leaving it to the Ori being a bunch of sore losers would've made at least as much sense and fits the story as told by the Stargate universe.
I don't mean to insult you but you wasted a perfectly good plot here that you could've drawn much character development from.
Feel free, but be aware that the 'Rambo outside, Disney princess inside' bit is something I stole from someone else. Someone from SB I believe.
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...Okay, I think you actually exceeded Diebuster in some parts. One bit that I vaguely recall was that 90% of the Milky way galaxy was outright gone by the end of it. Should be able to post links once I'm at an actual keyboard.
The issue with that is that I couldn't actually figure out a way for the Ori to reasonably have done that. It was a flash assumption that followed with a flash idea, i.e. that being 'Oh the Ori could have done it' but that was followed a few minutes later in my head of 'Well, how?' and then after that 'No, wait, they couldn't.'
And I felt that referring to the fact that the Emperor was having to fight all of his children, engaging in a century+ long war, would imply plenty.
At the same time, I don't precisely feel demeaned, though I will admit to having planned to demonstrate the resulting character development in later chapters rather than in 60 where emotions were explicitly being dampened (or at least attempts were made in that direction).
I also didn't want to write out the whole of the war given that I'd alluded to it in-story over and under with the SG1 side of things and how frankly exhausting it would have been to write out. Both physically and mentally for me.
I don't feel that I wasted it, just that I'm using the plot in a different way, but I can see where you're coming from.
I know, I've seen it before, but what you added deserves mention.
BiasedMendicant
Rogue AI
- Location
- The Moon
Christ that hurt to read, but in the good way.
Honestly that was really emotional, brilliantly done. In the one chapter she was in Zeta just... That was a very well done character and I honestly am very sad right now.
The combat was done pretty well I think, for describing carnage on such a scale.
Honestly that was really emotional, brilliantly done. In the one chapter she was in Zeta just... That was a very well done character and I honestly am very sad right now.
The combat was done pretty well I think, for describing carnage on such a scale.
- Location
- Canada
It was an okay chapter, in my opinion. I couldn't bring myself to care much about Torroar's inner conflict, or about Zee. The kiddies just randomly pop up and there's no development. Just, "they happened, now this is happening." But I get it, you did what you had to do to keep the story going. I can't fault you for that.
I love the galactic-scale warfare. I've always been a sucker for big ol' space battles, especially the kind you see in the Xeelee sequence. The bigger, the better!
So nice work with that
I love the galactic-scale warfare. I've always been a sucker for big ol' space battles, especially the kind you see in the Xeelee sequence. The bigger, the better!
So nice work with that
TortugaGreen
Constantly out of the loop
- Pronouns
- She/Her
It worked very well, I think you pretty much nailed it in my opinion.
Also, god DANG the feels there were strong. It was sad and impressive and awesome by the original meaning, but I think that was the goal. So, nice job.
It does. But quite frankly as far as we can tell the kids are pretty much interchangeable 'went nuts and attacked everything'. Except for Zeta now, who 'went nuts and went stupid nihilist at everything.'
Coming from the point of 'this is where we stand' it's wasted. Coming from the point 'how did we get here, and where do we go from here' it's an excellent starting point. It really depends on how it's handled.
And apparently I'm strange in that I'm not getting the feels that much.
Eh, nothing new there, always been like that.
StriderAnarchy9
The KKV Your KKV Could Be Like
- Location
- Louisiana
May I sig this?
Mmm, I suppose I didn't make it explicit enough as I thought.
The Kids didn't go crazy. Zeta did. She then planted some worms into their coding, killed them from the inside, and propped up false generals in their place.
Hence the whole 'Alpha was stupid and trusting and let me put worms in his base programming thing', and how the Network reflected on how they were just husks, that his kids were kind of dead the whole time because of Zeta, not the Ori like he had originally thought.
The whole Ori thing was a natural extension of my own thoughts as above - The Ori could have done this - and though that was not true, that was what it seemed like had happened.
A flash assumption that wasn't followed through at the time for the Network because it was busy suddenly fighting a war it hadn't been expecting. He was exactly 100% whelmed, 100% of his attention on suddenly fighting and not much else was possible to be spared - checking and maintaining the Empire, thinking about if the Ori really could have done this, etc - which changed over time to let him have more room and ability to think about other things as he ground them down - which is what occurred towards the end of the last chapter and the beginning of this one.
Sure?
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Jackercracks
In a British accent
- Location
- England
Not necessarily. Emotional minds have problems, but solely reason driven intellects also have extremely horrifying problems of their own. At least with emotional minds we have a solid prototype to work from which we know works kinda sorta okay in the real world most of the time. In a large number of cases our emotional reactions allow us to avoid pitfalls that we simply do not have the knowledge to dodge otherwise. When you take that away, you remove a lot of the checks and balances that stop us from even considering certain options.
Let me give an example. One day some scientists wanted to test a theory. They thought that since in nature the number of animals reaches equilibrium with the food source, then if they put a hundred rats or so in a lovely 'rat hotel' with enough food for 200 rats, then the rats would stop procreating once they reached the available level of food.
What do you think happened? I'll wait.
Turns out the winning strategy was to have as many children as possible, then eat the babies of your competition. And that's exactly what happened. The human mind instinctively flinches away from even considering answers like this, and while this can be a bad thing in certain specific circumstances, it is a good thing in a rather larger number of circumstances. Even such things as unthinking rage as a reaction to attempted manipulation or similar has solid game-theoric reasons for why it would be a good thing to have. Don't underestimate how important emotions are; steering the waters of pure reason without their guiding hand is something only a small fraction handful of people are capable of. It is so very easy to go astray without them.
No no, I got that.
It's that, from a reader's perspective, reading the story in turn, the characterisation all of Sun Jian's have when we are first introduced to them is 'suddenly went nuts and started destroying everything.' And except for Zeta we don't really get much or any characterisation for them. Who were they before Zee dropped her worms into her siblings and turned them into zombies for her war with dad for the spotlight?
We never hear any of that.
Far more important is to realise the utility emotions offer. They're in so many ways the logical equivalent to physical reflexes. Not always right, not always activated at an appropriate time, but always there for good reasons when normal decision loops take too long.
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StriderAnarchy9
The KKV Your KKV Could Be Like
- Location
- Louisiana
Thank you!
- Location
- Lake superior, Minoc
TL;DR= emo rage and its all the readers fault.
At least that's what it felt like reading that bit. It was trying to be meta? if viva ever bad review posted on FF.net ever. The battle was interesting, and im rather amused at the ORI being an "oops" Enjoyed the chapter over all i guess.
At least that's what it felt like reading that bit. It was trying to be meta? if viva ever bad review posted on FF.net ever. The battle was interesting, and im rather amused at the ORI being an "oops" Enjoyed the chapter over all i guess.
It was very impressive.
Though now the resettlement of the refugees should commence. Even if the galaxy went up in flames and a lot of people dies you probably still would have had the chance to evacuate many civilizations out. It would have taken a less than a millionth of a percent of the resources of what you showed us being thrown around in this war. Get over a planet, use Asgard teleportation to beam the populace up and stick them into your own version of the Wraith storage buffer they use to abduct people.
This war is no way going unnoticed. Would like to know the reactions of the various races who could witness it or have heard about it.
Asgard in particular would be horrified, but alsoget a lot of ideas from what they could see.
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