You watched the ba-donka-dunksbouncing around. It wasn't sexy by any means; really, you weren't into that stuff; but it was mesmerizing. You couldn't peel your eyes away from the sheer eldritch horror of their rumps.
That's why, perhaps, you hadn't noticed until it was too late.
The ground-shattering boom. The dusk-colored light. The hard impact.
You Died.
Chosen Undead: "....." (That was fucking stupid.)
A Wandering Soul: "We don't have the budget to calculate your magic-resistance, amongst other things, so in light of your persistent immortality, you might as well consider your equipment to be purely cosmetic and yourself a one-hit wonder."
DARK SOULS LOW BUDGET QUEST
An indeterminate time later, you awakened at the Northern Asylum's Courtyard Bonfire.
The Demon's Great Hammer and Big Pilgrim's Key were now located within your mystical inventory. How'd you get those? Those certainly weren't there before you had died. But, well, whatever the case, you weren't going to complain about getting free stuff.
The iconic knight outfit.
Standing next to the Bonfire was the Mysterious-Stranger, who had earlier before dropped the keys into your cell that had facilitated your escape.
?????: "Ah, glad to see that you are awake now. My name is Oscar, a knight from Astora."
Oscar: "I apologize for not assisting you sooner. I was still searching the asylum for any other undead to set free... However, unfortunately, everyone else but you has already turn hollowed."
It seems that he still has far much more to say...
Skewfiend is love. Skewfiend is life.
[X] Make an offhanded remark about sincerely hoping that monstrously corpulent demons can't climb.
[X] Ask if there's a way out past the big gate.
Votes Locked: ##### 3.19
[X] Ask if there's a way out past the big gate. No. of votes: 1 Cornix Argentus
[X] Make an offhanded remark about sincerely hoping that monstrously corpulent demons can't climb.
[X] Ask if there's a way out past the big gate. No. of votes: 2 Bondo, Skewfiend
[X] this is dark souls be honest you backstab for that sweet shield No. of votes: 1 hcvquizibo
Oscar:"Unfortunately, they can jump rather high instead."
Of course, just your luck.
Chosen Undead: "...Is there a way out past the big gate?"
Oscar: "Ah, that would require the Big Pilgrim's Key to unlock, which would be in the possession of the Asylum Demon. However, there is no point in retrieving that key; there is naught but a steep cliff on the other side. If you wish the leave the Northern Asylum, then follow me. I know a way out of here."
It doesn't seem that Oscar realizes that you already have the Big Pilgrim's Key, though it seems that this particular key doesn't have much use than opening-up a dead-end.
Are you ready to leave?
You won't be able to return to the Northern Asylum once you do!
[X] No - Still got things to do.
-[X] The Peculiar Doll that you almost forgot in your cell.
You excused yourself to retrieve an item you had left behind in your cell.
The scrub killer in its natural habitat.
Back-tracking, you stared down the long hallway as you saw a rather tall and darkly armored figure standing in front of your cell. Looks like you would have to fight this foe in this tight passageway.
You...
Chosen Undead: "...What are you doing?" A Wandering Soul: "Rolling dices." Chosen Undead: "Why?" A Wandering Soul: "We don't have a lot of mechanics for this quest; in fact, we had to scrap a bunch of them. Originally, there was supposed to be a Competence feature that determined how well you played but we don't have that anymore. Instead, I'm just rolling the dices for fun and see how many tries it takes you to succeed." Chosen Undead: "...You're determining my skills with luck?" A Wandering Soul: "Yes." Chosen Undead: "Fucking shit."
...Died three times before finally punching the Black Knight to death.
You also took the Black Knight's equipment!
Black Knight Helm, Black Knight Armor, Black Knight Gauntlets, Black Knight Leggings, Black Knight Shield, and Black Knight Sword acquired!
A strange doll in a strange dress.
Going back into your prison-cell, you plucked the Peculiar Doll off the floor. You don't really remember why you have such a doll but it seems important enough to take with you.
With the Peculiar Doll sitting safely in your magical inventory, you had nothing left to do at the Northern Undead Asylum. It was time to go.
You returned to Oscar who led you up to the roofs. During the walk, he explained that he had traveled to the Northern Undead Asylum because of a prophecy to find the fate of the undead.
Oscar: "My next destination is the Land Of Ancient Lords. If you have nowhere to go, what do you think about traveling with me on my quest?"
You didn't get a chance to answer.
Caw-caw, motherfucker! Plot-device!
Black feathers descended down upon you and Oscar, snatching the both of you as the Giant Crow took flight.
DARK SOULS LOW BUDGET QUEST
A very unknown time later, massive distances traveled, the Giant Crow's talons opened-up and released you and Oscar onto a grassy area. In the center was a Bonfire, sitting nearby was a man wearing chainmail.
Thank the Gods that it's not a chainmail bikini!
Chainmail Man: "Well, well, well... The crow left two shit-stains this time!"
The man chuckled to himself.
Before you did anything rash/tional, you rested at the Grassy Bonfire.
[ ] Stay - Oscar and the Chainmail have things to say.
[ ] Leave - Let's go somewhere more exciting.
-[ ] Ruins - That looks like a church?
-[ ] Cliff Walkway - Leads to a cliff somewhere?
-[ ] Stairway - Leads down somewhere?
