Your job at the theater wasn't exactly the most consistent. There was the rush of patrons as showing started, so fast you could barely keep up with it, and then things slowed down for a bit again. The showtimes were on the wall outside, so people knew if it was worth coming in or not. Ultimately, all you did was take some amount of their money and give them a piece of flimsy red paper in exchange, and then they showed that paper to whoever was at the door to get in.
Five minutes frantic work, a half-hour of standing in a sweltering little booth, thinking and fidgeting, sneaking glances at a book if the owner wasn't in and stewing in frustration when he was. Patiences did not come easily to you.
You had a lot of thinking to get done, and these were as good a time as any to do it. You stared at your reflection in the glass pane next to you, checked your hair carefully, sighed. The boss wouldn't let you wear your hair the way you did at school, wasn't professional. The curls especially. Your curling iron was stuffed in a corner in your room unused right now, though the war had reduced your use of it to just when Haruna visited. Butane had gotten
expensive and your meagre income just didn't support that much vanity. You glanced down at the reading material you'd stuck in your purse for the slow times, then sighed and moved to shove it back in the bag.
This was the kind of thing Yuu (and everyone else, apparently) had found too radical. A neatly bound collection of Akitsukuni feminist essays--most of them right along the lines of thought you'd been pursuing before your peers had brought you up short with a reality check. Crudely printed in tiny school shops, sold in small runs and passed around between students, essays by authors who kept their names anonymous. You paused for a second on that. Maybe that was a warning sign.
You rummaged in your bag and came out with another crudely printed magazine, though you thought this one might be a bit more relaxing.
The New Women's Mirror was similar to the other collection but was aimed fairly exclusively at the new middle-class working woman, who for reasons that seemed obvious to you tended to be lesbians or other women who only got involved with other women. The sort who would put career over finding a husband. Which was you, you were pretty sure. It had articles, advertisements for friendly tea shops and bars, a personals section, short and serial fiction… It was nice to have a publication for that kinda thing.
You flipped open the magazine and browsed through it, occasionally glancing up at the street to make sure you weren't about to get ambushed by a new rush. As you turned a page, there was a picture of Haruna--something more recent than the old picture of her in her awkward Academy uniform, you thought. It wasn't much of an article--more of a bit of gossip. Speculations on the Princess and her romantic life, the noted
lack of a man in her life and a gushing bit of effusive prose about how well she looked in her uniform.
This kind of thing seemed to crop up every now and then when they needed to fill column inches. At first, it had been kind of amusing. A little secret that you could giggle about because no one
knew that you were the one and only keeper of Her Highness' heart. As time had gone by, though you found the gossip more and more grating. You wanted to be able to talk about her and be proud of her and worry about her without hiding it all behind lies.
You wondered if she felt the same.
You were shaken out of the melancholy reverie by a tap on the glass, and you glanced up quickly, unsure how so much time had gone by that there were already customers. Instead, Watanuki Mai was standing there in her pretty kimono and with a hat pulled low over her face.
"Mai? What are you doing here?" You tried to look less startled than you felt.
"I wanted to catch you before you got home," she said, fidgeting with her parasol. "...You've been pretty stressed out, so I thought maybe, you know… maybe you'd want to go to a bath or something. Get away from the house and work and all of that?"
You glanced up at the clock. You had one more showings to get through, then you could get out of here. Just one more.
You discreetly tore off a little paper ticket and slid it across the table. There was usually a bit of a discrepancy anyway, because sometimes the tickets got torn in the wrong place, so you had to use more than you actually sold.
"See you in half an hour?"
---
You staggered off shift as the last customers came out of the final showing, met Mai in the lobby, and the two of you headed the three blocks to the public bath. Wartime fuel shortages was making this a bit more of a luxury than it would otherwise be, but the public bath was such a cherished institution that if they closed down you were pretty sure there'd be riots. At the entrance you paid the small fee to use the bath, then stepped inside to the changing area where your clothes and shoes were stored away in small cubbies.
The bath proper was a large open space paneled and floored entirely with dark wood. There was, of course, water available for washing separately from the large tub of hot water that dominated the far wall. It was a little late in the evening for most people, so there were only a few women here, one of them trying to corral two young children for a scrub down all by herself.
You and Mai sat next to each other, washed thoroughly, and even helped give each other's backs a scrub. Mai still seemed tense and nervous here, despite reassurances that she was as welcome as any other young woman, and kept her eyes focused on the floor until the pair of you were safely immersed in the soothing hot water of the soaking tub. After a long day in the sweltering, cloying ticket booth, it was a real treat to have a proper hot soak.
"Spirits, I needed this," you murmured, glancing sidelong at Mai, who had sunk down up to her chin. "Thanks for inviting me along."
"It's easier for me when I have company," she admitted in a sheepish voice. "Plus you seemed, uh. Really stressed the other night."
"... yeah. Um, I've had a lot on my mind." You said vaguely. These conversations were always hard, because most of it was your girlfriend in a warzone, but if you wanted to talk about it you had to keep up a stream of nearly-true lies, and hope you never contradicted your past self. Then again, the sheer amount of running around, the constant
work, wasn't helping. "I should probably be home making flashlights right now."
"I think that's really cool. I don't know anything about that." Mai said. "Looks like a lot of work, though. You're always fiddling with them, I don't know if I could stand it."
"If they just worked the first time it would be fine, but they never do. All the parts are cheap and made by different people, so they never really fit together unless I make them." You explained. "I want to make sure it's perfect, you know? Like if some Navy officer needs it and they pull it out and it doesn't work, and they die, that's my fault…"
"You're thinking about your girlfriend? She shouldn't be in that kind of danger, should she?" Mai asked.
"... no. Of course not. But it's hard not to think about." You said wearily. "But… you do a lot too. I saw your quota sheet, you do like, two or three times as much as you need to. I don't know if you can't really lecture me on that."
She smiled at that, and it was kind of lovely. You didn't see her smile a lot.
"Those quotas are for city girls who are doing this for the first time. I worked in a shop making boots and gloves and stuff for the miners a few summers, so I wouldn't actually have to work in the mines themselves. My dad set it up. Didn't want to me go through what he did." She explained sheepishly. "There's a reason there's a lot of strikes up there."
You nodded, but then she kept talking.
"Besides, I feel kinda… weird, I guess. Like I need to do more to contribute properly." She said. "To… make up for it I guess?"
You nodded, with very little actual comprehension. You knew what she was saying, but there was a pretty vast emotional gulf you couldn't quite cross.
"I applied to the Naval Academy." You admitted, trying to find some similar ground. "To be like H- to be like that Princess, you know?" Oh boy, caught yourself just in time. "They didn't accept me, of course, but they actually did accept four women that year. And I considered joining the WNA but my girlfriend told me not to."
"Why not?" Mai asked. You noticed her perk up at that, and you wondered if she was thinking about something similar.
"Well… she said they get treated really badly. The men hate that they're there, mostly. They get all the worst duties, they never get to stay anywhere long enough to make a difference, most everyone resents them, and there's a lot of pressure to be perfect." You said. You didn't know if that was true of the WNA, but from Haruna's letters, it was definitely true for her.
"Oh. Yeah. I suppose." Mai sighed. "I was thinking about the WAA, but not really because I
want to go. Mostly because it sorta feels like I still have a duty to, even though I don't. I never did, I guess?" She leaned her head back against the edge of the bath. "Bleh. I dunno. I'd probably look terrible in the uniforms."
"You absolutely would
not." You said.
You soaked in silence for a little while longer.
"Is the stuff your girlfriend is going through in the WNA why you're so mad?" Mai said, out of the blue. You glanced over, feeling vaguely annoyed.
"Not really. I've thought this way for a very long time. My school got merged with a boy's when I was in middle school, and it wasn't long before they pretty much took over everything. When I told my mum, she just said that's what it's like. It's what everyone's mums said, that you have to make room for the men. We've
made room, since forever. It's the 26th century,
they should be making room for
us!"
"Yeah." Mai said quietly. "That's… you're really right about that. About making room. It's been a hard thing to learn, to like… take up less space? As a guy you have to be twice as big as you are, in every room, in every conversation. As a woman, you have to be half as big. You have to draw inward, step back, be quiet. I don't even know if people know it's happenings, everyone's just so used to it."
"You shouldn't have to do that!" You said. "You know you just whisper now? I haven't heard you speak normally in weeks!"
"I know." She said, still at her near-whisper. "I'm trying. But… I'm worried I sound, you know. Too masculine."
You fumed, but realized that pressing this particular issue would probably be overstepping a boundary you really didn't want to cross. A lot of the writers you read on this stuff, the more radical ones, they were a lot less charitable on this front, more Western in sensibility, but you didn't want to be like them. About that stuff, at least. Women were women, even if they didn't always know it.
"Sorry." You muttered.
"This is difficult stuff. It just can't be helped." Mai responded.
---
You finished soaking, dried off, got dressed, and started the fairly long walk home. You'd decided to head here instead of to the place closer to the boarding house as it was much nicer but no more expensive, and as a result you had a long walk cutting across rather than down the streetcar routes, which the two of you took together. You weren't
worried, you lived in a pretty safe neighbourhood and the two of you were taller than anyone who might try to hassle you, but it was still
on your mind.
The two of you stepped around a group of workmen heading down the path opposite. Made room for them. As usual.
Maybe your glance sort of followed one of them, though. Something about the way he walked, maybe, and that he smiled as you passed, the brief feeling of acknowledgement.
Mai didn't
laugh, but you could tell from her breathing that she'd suppressed it.
"What?" You asked.
"He was cute, it's okay to say it." Mai teased.
"That--" You protested. Tried to, anyway. "I wasn't thinking that."
"I mean, I'd ask him out…" Mai continued, her smile getting a little sly, glancing behind her. "They're still time, maybe I can catch up to him before he sweeps another girl off her feet."
"Bleh.
Fine, he's attractive." You admitted, surrendering. "Who cares."
"You do, clearly." Mai said. "And me, seriously. Wow. Did you see his forearms?"
"I… wasn't looking." You lied awkwardly. They must be construction workers or something, one of the few professions outside of wartime factories exempt from conscription. Partially because the flow of new workers to the cities was still never-ending and housing was always needed, and partially because earthquakes and floods were still an ever-present danger and it would be devastating if the people who could repair it were all away in uniform.
"Of course you weren't." Mai said. "That's fine. You wanna hear something weird?"
"Sure?"
"I've always
sorta been into guys, but the last few weeks, like, all of a sudden, they're all really really attractive. Like, they aren't that much different… a bit less covered in mud and coal dust outside of the mines, I guess, but it's like I've only started noticing all the things about them that are attractive."
"Huh. That's odd." You said, now a little curious.
"But, I used to be attracted to women? Like when I moved in I was a little embarrassed because I thought you were cute. But now… nothing, pretty much." She shrugged helplessly. "Because I don't have enough things to adjust to."
That was absurd enough just to think about that you laughed. You couldn't help it.
"Wow. That has to be a trip." You said.
"It's been a weird month, you could say." She said. You stopped at a corner alongside the other pedestrians, unsure exactly why until you heard the massive engine coming around the corner: a huge armoured car, rattling and grumbling as it rolled through the streets ahead of a trio of military trucks. Just carrying cargo, of course, probably moving a late-night shipment from the arsenal up the street down to the harbour. You still tried to show your appreciation for the drivers and operators, doing their part for the country.
Finally, the trucks rumbled on, and you got back to walking home.
"I think that's part of why what you said freaked me out so much." Mai said.
"Huh?"
"Well… I'm still trying to get a hold on all this stuff, right? Transitioning, hormones, losing interest in girls, becoming interested in men. It's a lot. And then you go on about how that's wrong and evil and
betraying women…"
"I mean, you can always try. Anyone can love anyone, if fates lines up…" You said.
"Aiko, it really hurt." She said frankly. "This has been really complicated and weird, and being told that really shook me up. It wasn't fair to me, or a lot of the girls there. And honestly, it's not terribly fair to you either."
"I'm doing fine." You insisted.
"It's just going to be something to hate yourself over, forever, whenever you pass a cute construction worker on the street or whatever." Mai said. "It's fine you don't want to get married, that you want a career and stuff. I understand that, I'm kinda figuring that out myself still. But if you make it some kind of… crusade, you're just going to make yourself and everyone around you miserable."
You stayed quiet, not sure what to say to that. A bit annoyed you were being lectured by somebody just figuring it out themselves, but unable to articulate a counterargument.
---
Two weeks later, just before you were about to leave for your second-to-last shift of work, you got a letter from Haruna. You had time to read it, as your previous box of flashlights had been your last, so you weren't adjusting them until the last minute before you left for work: your new job was just making contacts for the flashlights that somebody else would be making. You had the experience now to know exactly what angle they needed to be, at least.
You tore the letter open hastily and laid it out. It was a massive, sprawling thing, so you'd have to read it over properly after work, but...
Dear Aiko,
I'm sorry for the infrequency and brevity of my previous letters. My circumstances were not ideal. I was initially considering concealing the truth from you, but I must be honest in all things I am able to be honest about. This post has been uniquely stressful, and it has revealed something about myself which I dread to admit to anyone. Which I was unable to admit about myself.
I am an alcoholic.
You were late for work.
---
Aiko's about to head back to school. Choose 2 priorities for her.
[ ] Aiko doubles down on last-minute studying to try to get all that engineering knowledge back into her head. (Will make her more competent for schoolstuff)
[ ] Aiko takes a few days off to unwind and try to get centered. (+2 Serenity forward to next roll)
[ ] Aiko dedicates an evening to doing all the battery contacts for a week to have some time off. (+2 Free Time forward to next roll.)
[ ] Aiko reconnects with the rowing team and makes plans for training in the upcoming season. (Will make her more competent for extracurrecular stuff)
Snippets welcome, especially re: her response to Haruna etc.
