A Solstice Carol
I'm getting really tired of being asked that question, "You first. What is this world? How far are we from earth, and how can I get the fuck back?"

Its eyes tilt, as if to imply eyebrows without actually having any, "My dear girl, this is earth. Maybe not the earth you're accustomed to, but you're closer to home than you think."

...I think I might just blow up the goddamn world. Fucking shitty crap on a stick this sucks. The earths are getting weirder.

It sees my emotions, the actual emotions themselves, and continues, "Allow me to clarify. This is a parallel plane of existence, very close to your earth. If you came here, it won't be difficult to go back."

"I've fucking done this before. This isn't the first time I've woken up in some weirdass world that calls itself earth. The worlds are just getting weirder, and I don't know how much more I can take. I didn't fucking come here. I woke up here, and-" Hang on. I didn't wake up here. "No. I didn't wake up here. I just.. Sort of
... appeared? I remember what happened, but I'm not sure I have the full picture. I was in my room, staring at the wall, thinking. Then I... what, materialized? No, that's not right either…"

It makes a whistley clicking sound that I think stands for laughter, "Materialized? Do you think this is a material world? If you do, then I think I can understand your confusion."

And suddenly everything makes sense. I'm on a fucking spirit walk, or some shit. This is a dream world, or something. Psychic shit. Great. Non-sarcastically, great! I'm honestly thrilled to know what the fuck's actually going on!

I nod, "So this is some kind of astral plane. My physical body is still back home, while my mind, my "soul", wanders through here."

"Precisely. I'm surprised you were able to transport yourself here without realizing what you were doing. You must be very spiritually powerful."

I laugh, "Well I don't know about that. I do seem to have a knack for getting myself into situations I can't really understand."

"Can anyone ever truly understand their situation?"

"Yes."

That trips it up. It doesn't have a response. Sorry chimera dude. If you wanted a philosophy talk you invited the wrong person over for tea.

I'm getting a little tired of standing, but I also don't feel comfortable sitting on this ground. Hell, I don't wanna stand on it. "So, you said you were gonna ask me for something?"

It smiles. At least I think that's a smile, "To business then. I want you to steal something for me."

I think this means I've officially fallen in with the wrong crowd, "No promises... What is it?"

"A small velvet box. It's on a shelf, in a library, at the top of a tower."

Uh huh, "Who lives in the tower?"

"A wizard from the physical world. He moved here permanently only a few hundred years ago, but he first visited several thousand years before then. Nowadays he has very little power of his own, but he's in good favor with several pantheons that I'd prefer to not anger."

Merlin? "So, other than being even, what's in it for me?"

"You go, talk to the wizard. Your common origin as humans should get you in the gate. If anyone can get you home, he will know how. Use that. Talk to him. Find your way to the library and grab the box. Once you leave, give it to me, and you can use the knowledge the wizard gives you to be on your way."

"Why do you want the box? And why doesn't he want you to have it?"

"He doesn't care about it except as a museum piece. I can't get past the gate wards. Only a mortal soul can. I'm not a fan of gods, and I have a feeling they won't like what I plan to do with it."

I smirk at it, "Nope. No no no. You can't get me to do shit with vague answers like that. I want to know what you plan to do with that box, or I can just have the wizard zap me home with it."

"Intelligent of you. The box grants power comparable to that of a lower god. The pantheons feel threatened by any significant divine change. They are creatures of stagnation, and thrive on stability. You can see what I've done here in my home through simple mindscaping. I want to see what I can build with a stronger tool."

This is a dangerous situation. I get the feeling that I don't want to cross this thing. That snake wasn't afraid of it because of any fire. On the other hand, I don't know what this wizard would do if he caught me stealing. I could turncoat to the wizard, but I don't know if he could protect me, and I don't even know that this thing is telling the truth that the wiz can send me back. But making this thing into a god doesn't seem smart in the long term, especially if it might turn the real gods against me again.

Whatever I plan to do, the wizard's tower is the way forward. I can think about it more on the way there, "Lead the way."

It stands up, and walks over to the door as its chair sinks back into the roiling mass that surrounds us. The door opens again, and I follow my new employer-slash-enemy out.
 
Smarter than the average player character/dungeon crawler/SI. Get all the information before you open the Sealed Evil in a Can.
 
Calling it as John Constantine as the Wizard.

Constantine is the Arrowverse version, who's still young, reckless, and stupid, since Newcastle hasn't happened yet in 2011. He's probably powerful and crazy enough to get where SI is, at least...

I'll probably be able to start updating again in the next week. Wedding season is finally over, and we're going home to our desktop computer.
 
Constantine is the Arrowverse version, who's still young, reckless, and stupid, since Newcastle hasn't happened yet in 2011. He's probably powerful and crazy enough to get where SI is, at least...

I'll probably be able to start updating again in the next week. Wedding season is finally over, and we're going home to our desktop computer.

Nothing says he can't be all of that, and experimenting with LSD. He's done it before....lol
 
Off To See The Wizard
So, turns out the wizard's tower is really close. Like, we walk out the door, climb a lake, and there it is. Not much time to think about my situation more, or what I should do. Especially when I'm spending so much brainpower just not being driven crazy by this place. The place where climbing a lake is an actual functional way to get from place to place. Ugh.

The tower itself just keeps going up. It doesn't fade from sight. It's not just that I can't see the top. It's that I can see that there isn't a top. It just
... keeps going. And yet, I can count the floors. There are few enough that I have a pretty good idea of how big the whole tower is. I'm waiting for what I'm seeing to make sense, and it just isn't going to. And yet, I can see it, and it obviously exists.

Again. Fuck this place.

Well I guess this is it. I grab the giant brass knocker and bang it against the wooden door twice. The double doors swing inward of their own accord.

I pretty much expected this, but it's definitely bigger on the inside. I could've jogged around the perimeter outside in about two minutes, but the front hall looks like the fucking Mines of Moria.

I cross the hall in three steps and reach for the door on the other side. I think I'm at the point where this stuff just doesn't phase me anymore.

A thunderclap booms behind me, and I turn back to see what it is.

The wizard stands before me. He looks like a pretty stereotypical wizard, with long blue robes, and an almost as long white scraggly beard.

He speaks, and several other voices speak with him, "What brings you to my temple?"

I tell the truth, "I'm lost. I was told you might be able to get me back to the physical realm."

He looks at me, and I feel the same invasive energy that was there when Loki scanned me, except it's a lot worse this time, like someone turned off the anesthetic. It hurts, like a combination of heartburn and brain freeze across my whole body at once.

When he stops, I'm on my hands and knees. But I'm a little surprised I'm not curled up in a ball. I take a minute, and then stand back up. If that's what his vision feels like there's not much point in running or fighting.

He regards me with slightly less suspicion, "You are not from this physical realm. You are from another. Would you like me to send you back to where your body is? Or back where you came from?"

I almost fall over again. Fucking hell! Give someone some tea before you break news like that to them! "You can send me back to my home earth?"

"With difficulty. Yes, I should be able to send you there. It is not a magical place, however. So you would likely never be able to return. And your spirit companion would not survive the journey."

"What, that thing? It wouldn't be coming with me."

"One does not simply separate and leave behind one half of a spirit as entangled as yours. Any removal or transfer would likely do irreparable damage to your own soul."

Fuck, what? I just met the guy! Wait… "Are we talking about the same thing?"

He looks a little impatient about my confusion, "You contain within you a great spirit. An entity of Light stronger than most I have encountered."

"Thank goodness. I thought you meant… something else." Wait, what did he just say? "There's something inside me?"

He nods, "A being of great power, and even greater capacity for good. If it were a different shape I would swear it to be an angel."

Ugh. Angels are real. Fuck me, of course they are. It's a comicbook world. Everything's real.

"So, I go back to my earth, this spirit thing inside me dies, and I come out the other side a slobbering wreck because my soul has been torn in half?"

"In simple terms. Yes."

I sigh, "Great."

Why couldn't it have been easy? It would have been so nice if it'd just been easy for once.

I ask, "What's you name, anyway? Merlin? Oz? Yen Sid?"

He smiles, and speaks in concert with a dozen other voices again, "Shazam."
 
Loki's better than Shazzam at scan magic?

Other way around. Shazam doesn't rely on his own power. He's borrowing from what's left of the old Greek and Roman pantheons. None of them individually have much power left, but if you take 1% from a few thousand different places... Well, you get the idea. There's still probably a lot that Loki can do that Shazam can't, but different pantheons, different strokes, or something like that.
 
A fire bender? Where's the spirit aspect come into it, then? Last I knew Avatar bender didn't have any bond to spirits to bend their element, and it was mimicry and adaption from native animals bending elements.
 
A fire bender? Where's the spirit aspect come into it, then? Last I knew Avatar bender didn't have any bond to spirits to bend their element, and it was mimicry and adaption from native animals bending elements.

You should watch Legend of Korra. Book 2 goes into the history of Bending and the nature of the Avatar in relation to Spirits and the Spirit World. Book 3 does some more work on how unique styles like lightning bending and bloodbending are made. Book 4... exists, I guess. (Joking. It's good too.) Also one of the best slow-build romances ever in a cartoon.
 
Then anger should have totally worked. Or any kind of passionate zest for life. And the reason you were having issues is that you we restrained amd bone dry of sun juice?

Anger doesn't fuel Firebending. "The Firebending Masters" makes it pretty clear that's just a bastardized crutch that was invented in the Hundred Years War as military propoganda. The real fuel is personal drive, motivation, and ambition. SI was just getting herself worked up with no outlet, so the fire had nothing to work for. She still doesn't really get it. She thinks it's about what she wants. But that's just another crutch. It's not about the desire itself. It's about the objective.

It's like Titan Shifting. No matter how worked up you get and how much you maim yourself, it ain't worth shit if you're not trying to do something, like pick up a fork, or capture the Avatar. That's why Zuko's fire went out when his quest ended. He hadn't realized that his goal had changed, and he had to adjust to match. If you don't know what you want, the fire can't help you get it.

But hey. That's my interpretation of crud that can probably be interpreted in a ton of other ways, so don't take it as gospel. Except for this fic. In that case, pretty much take it as gospel until I change my mind.
 
I'm a Shitty Burglar
So that's what it meant by this guy being friends with gods. I looked up Billy Batson a while ago, and assumed he hadn't been born yet because Bruce Wayne is so young. Then again, maybe the wizard isn't due to choose his guardian for another few decades. Maybe Billy's a contemporary of Connor Hawke. There's no way for me to know.

"So, Shazam, would the spell to get me back to this universe's physical realm need some setup? Maybe if you have a library, that might be the best place to kick things off?"

He gestures towards the door I was about to open when he appeared. I open the door out onto a balcony several floors up. We both walk out, and when I turn around the door leads back into a library with a glass ceiling. So we both walk through the same door again and wind up in a different place. Because spirit magic bullshit.

I immediately notice the front hall of the library, which is filled with display cases for various ancient relics and magical artifacts. And from there it doesn't take long for me to spot the small, velvet-topped box. It's a ring box. Great. Nothing bad ever happened messing around with magic rings.

"You were sent to steal it from me."

Well, I guess that settles it. Either I'm dead, or I work for the wizard now, "Yeah, I'm not a very good thief. Someone should've told that muskrat downstairs." I face Shazam, "You gotta understand, it said you could get me home. I was this close to betraying it on my own."

"I understand nothing. But you understand nothing even less than I do."

Could there possibly be a more ambiguously constructed and meaningless sentence?

He adds, "This isn't the first time an innocent has been put in harm's way for this, and I fear it won't be the last. But I have no intention of punishing a defenseless victim of coercion."

I'm waiting for him to finish, but he doesn't, "
...Thanks."

Shazam stands and stares at the ring box.

After a few seconds, I talk again, "
...Are you gonna help me get back to this universe's earth?"

"You are already on this-"

I roll my eyes, "-This universe's earth, yeah I know. Are you gonna help me get back to the physical side of it?"

He continues to stare obnoxiously at the box, "You need no help for that."

I'm getting real tired of this shit, "And what the fuck does that mean?"

"Just that. You do not need my power to return you to your physical self. You have all the power you need."

"You're starting to sound like a bad saturday morning cartoon, you know that? I think I get why you usually hang out with twelve-year-olds."

That gets me an eyebrow. At least he's looking at me now.

He picks up the box and holds it out to me, "Objects of this kind are dangerous. The man who seeks them destroys most record of what they are and what they can do, so that no-one else may inhibit his search. Would you like to see within, so that you may recognize similar threats that you may see in the physical world?"

I look at it suspiciously, "It's not like Pandora's Box or anything? It's not gonna explode a bunch of ghosts or gamma in my face or something?"

He smirks, "The wards at the gate are all the protection it needs. And the contents aren't dangerous unless they are touched."

I reach out to open it myself. But then I realize that's still fucking stupid. I don't know this guy! If memory serves, the wizard is a pretty ambiguous figure in DC. Sure, he made Captain Marvel. He also made Black Adam in a few versions of the story. I don't know what he wants, what he's done. And chances are he cares as much about me as some cockroach on the wall.

I pull my hand back, "Sure. Let's see it."

He opens the box, and I see what's inside.
 
so, you are also the avatar, right....
which means tunnels, surfing (stand on a levitating stone or iceboard, a segway whenever you want)), tendrils of all types (Tendrils to hold stuff for you and multiple types of flight..
also roasting food whenever you want...
 
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so, you are also the avatar, right....
which means tunnels, surfing (stand on a levitating stone or iceboard, a segway whenever you want)), tendrils of all types (Tendrils to hold stuff for you and multiple types of flight..
also roasting food whenever you want...

Yup. I picked it because it's versatile, but not completely intuitive. It'll take a long time for her to figure out what she's got. Right now she thinks it's just fire blasts. But if she ever masters it... Bloodbending, Lightning Bending, Water Healing, with the bullshit that is Spirit Bending as her ace. Depowering, for one thing. Spirit World access is good for a lot. Not to mention the Avatar State.

And she's also got something else up her ass, which I can pull out if she really needs it.
 
Yup. I picked it because it's versatile, but not completely intuitive. It'll take a long time for her to figure out what she's got. Right now she thinks it's just fire blasts. But if she ever masters it... Bloodbending, Lightning Bending, Water Healing, with the bullshit that is Spirit Bending as her ace. Depowering, for one thing. Spirit World access is good for a lot. Not to mention the Avatar State.

And she's also got something else up her ass, which I can pull out if she really needs it.
But that's a lot of fully fledged martial arts styles and philosophies to pull out her as without the super monsters that taught the originals.


Well you have shields tramp stamp sp the martial arts aren't thst hard.

And you just met shazam. He can likely help with the esoterics.

You might be good.

Though the exotic bending may be hoping for too much.
 
But that's a lot of fully fledged martial arts styles and philosophies to pull out her as without the super monsters that taught the originals.
Well you have shields tramp stamp sp the martial arts aren't thst hard.
arent those basically training wheels anyway?
Bumi used his chin to bend...
plus the flame blades Zuko used, and the foot jets...
 
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