Braver Than We Are (NGE Fanfic)

[jcmoorehead]

Berlin – UN Embassy – Meeting Room – Asuka Langley Soryu

Nine pairs of eyes are staring at me right now. I feel like some small prey being circled by a pack of wolves. It makes me uneasy, I know it's a complete different situation but the idea of me fighting alone against a group of foes... It's difficult to not be reminded of that fight.

I take a quick look around to try to put myself at ease. I try to gauge my foes, some of them look friendly, maybe even sympathetic to me and some of them seem to be not so friendly. In particular, the man named Tokita, is staring at me with such intensity I'd think he was trying to burn a hole through me. Already I get the feeling that he is going to be the one I have to be care with.

I remind myself one more time that I have to get through this and remain calm. No matter what these people throw at me, no matter how personal they get I have to keep calm and not lose my temper. If I do then this is all over, regardless of what Shinji accomplishes.

"So Ms Soryu." The chairman begins to speak, "It is the committees understanding that would would like to challenge our decision regarding Mr. Nagisa in hopes of reversing it. Is that correct?"

"Yes, it is." I reply instantly, nodding my head with some confidence.

"in which case, let us begin. Does anyone have anything to start off with?"

I decide the best from of defense is a good offence and get straight on the attack before any of them have the chance to speak, "You are all wrong about him. You are wrong in thinking he is a threat to anyone."

I see some of them look at me in surprise at how I've spoken up straight away. I like that, I want them to be surprised, you think you know Asuka Langley Soryu? You don't, you don't know the real her. I'm not surprised to hear one or two of them scoff at my words, I'm sure Tokita was one of them. I can still feel his eyes on me, and I'm tempted to turn around to him and ask him just what his problem is. Maybe I should charge him a viewing fee.

"The person you think Kaworu is, that Angel that tried to attack NERV years ago... it isn't really him." I continue to speak, "He knows what he was. He knows what he did and he admits his guilt. He regrets his actions, actions that you all know were born from manipulation of other parties. Now that they no longer exist he is his own person, in addition... he doesn't have any of his abilities as an Angel that he used to."

I trail off and the room goes silent. I see them exchange a few glances and wonder who will be next to speak. Actually, I already know who is going to speak and sure enough after only a few seconds more he opens his mouth.

"Well... Those are some strong words Soryu." Tokita speaks, I don't even get a 'Ms Soryu' from him, what a prick, "But I would like to ask you how much you really know about Nagisa. We, for instance, know that Nagisa was capable of manipulation. He manipulated the younger Ikari and many at NERV. Could it not just be that you too are being manipulated?"

He looks at me with a smug confidence, almost as if his question has caught me off guard. I simply turn to him, "No, Kaworu is not manipulating me."

"And you are sure of this because?"

A part of me wants to say that I wouldn't allow myself to be manipulated but it feels like a flimsy answer. In truth I'm not sure what I can say to that. It's just an attempt to make me doubt myself or slip up. Anything I say will be followed with 'Yeah, but how can you be sure?' Any doubt on my part gives them a victory. I'm not planning on losing.

Instead I go for a different tactic. I hate talking about myself, my feelings and my life but these people probably know more about me than I can remember. They will appreciate the impact this has.

"Because I love him."

As I expect, Tokita doesn't seem moved or bothered by my answer. Why should he? He probably doesn't give a crap about it. I do however see a few people exchange glances, I can't imagine the news about my relationship with Kaworu is a surprise to them but to hear me vocalize it might mean something.

"Each one of you probably has access to my records, to all of my psychological evaluations and reports from base commanders. That should be enough to tell you why what I have just said is important. If I had any doubts at all about Kaworu then I wouldn't love him."

"I fail to see how love proves any-"

"Leaving love aside..." The chairman clears his throat and cuts Tokita off, "I do not feel this line of questioning will get us anywhere. We are not hear to discuss Ms. Soryus love life, rather we are here to discuss Mr. Nagisa. Now, in your own time Ms. Soryu can you please tell us about your first meeting with Mr. Nagisa?"

"Gladly." I nod my head and turn away from Tokita. I feel like I've won some minor victory against him but this is just the beginning. I can't let myself become too cocky now, "It was a few months ago. I was heading to a small café near my old apartment. He was coming out of it and we collided with each other."

I hear a small laugh at my comment. I suppose it is funny, not too many relationships start with a literal collision. The person who did laugh looks towards me, a young man, quite handsome actually and somewhat disheveled addresses me, "Did you know that this person was Kaworu Nagisa when you bumped into him."

I shake my head, "No I didn't."

A woman across from him turns to me, "You didn't recognize him at all? Nagisa has quite a distinct appearance and is a former Evangelion pilot. There was no recognition?"

Once again, I shake my head, "No, I didn't. I had no idea who he was. When he was at NERV I was... incapacitated. I had heard there was a replacement but no one had really filled me in on the exact details."

"Curious." She muses, "Why did no one tell you of these things?"

I find myself becoming slightly irritated at her questions, they all must have known what I did... what I tried to do around that time. Why is it so difficult to believe I didn't know who he was. Still, I suppose they probably expect me to have been told or have even seen him before.

"No one told me because those were not pleasant times for me nor the rest of my friends. We prefer to not speak of them, however right or wrong that may be. I didn't know who Kaworu was, I had never met him before I went to NERV nor did I even know there was going to be a fifth child."

She nods and seems satisfied by my answer. I wonder if this was just a test for me to pass, to make sure what I said lines up with what she knows. A couple of moments later the man from before speaks, "So after this, what happened next?"

I can't help but smile as I recall those moments, "I didn't recognize him but he did recognize me. He took one look at me and ran away. He was terrified of me, he thought I'd recognize him and hurt him. I didn't find out who he was until the next day when I saw Rei."

"This is Rei Ayanami, correct?" I hear another one of them ask.

"Yes." I reply.

"And what was it Rei told you about him?"

"She told me who he was and that he was the fifth child. She warned me that he was the final Angel and had been sent to NERV by SEELE. She told me all about what had happened between him and Shinji and warned me to stay away from him."

The all exchange glances, some of them make notes. Tokita returns to his smug smile, once again looking like he has gotten exactly what he wanted.

"So, Rei Ayanami beleives him to be dangerous?"

"Believed." I fire back, "She believed him to be dangerous based on what she knew of him and what he used to be. She has since changed her views."

"And yet I do not see her here before us, nor does she seem to have lent her support to yourself or the younger Ikari in this matter. I therefore have to wonder what her true feelings are." He speaks as I resist the urge to reach over the table and slap him.

He knows why Rei isn't here, we were only allowed two people to plead our case and that was both me and Shinji. He's just trying to wind me up and confuse the matter. They all know why Rei isn't here.

The woman from before seems to have ignored Tokita, "Despite the warnings from Ms. Ayanami, you visited Nagisa anyway though?"

"Yup."

"Can you tell us why?" She asks, "Were you not frightened of him after what you had been told?"

I shake my head, "No, not at all. I kept in mind what Rei had told me, I was prepared for something to happen but I guess... I was intrigued more than anything. The person she had described was not the same as the one I had bumped into. After all, if he was this evil and powerful being then why would he run from me?"

I pause for a moment, "I know myself how much people can change so... I thought I'd take a look for myself. Besides he had... dropped some documents when he ran into me. I figured they were important so wanted to give them back to him."

"And what sort of documents were these?" Tokita barks at me.

"They were application forms to help him get a license to teach music." I reply calmly, "It's something he does every Monday."

The chairman nods and smile, "Indeed, this is something we are all aware of. Some of the paperwork had to be approved by us when he went through the process, nothing major just ensuring there was no risk."

I continue to tell my story, "When I arrived at his apartment he took one look at me and nearly slammed the door in my face. He was terrified of me, he thought I was there to hurt him. I, of course, was not there to hurt him and tried to explain that to him. I finally got him to calm down and he invited me into his apartment."

"So, he got you into his apartment." I hear Tokita say darkly, as if me going into Kaworu's apartment was part of some grand plan, "And he did not try to do anything to you?"

I shoot him a glare, "Believe me, if he had have tried something then he would have had something to fear. So, no, Kaworu did not try anything. He was a perfect gentleman."

I turn away from Tokita, "He was still scared of me as I went in there. When I got in, I saw his apartment was empty aside from a few small bits and pieces. Essentials and a small keyboard. I guess... I felt bad for him, he had been back for all those months but it seemed like he wasn't living a life. So, I invited him out to a concert."

"interesting." The scruffy guy from before speaks, "So this was the first proper meeting between the two of you. What happened in the weeks that followed?"

 

[JennyDracos]

"And yet I do not see her here before us, nor does she seem to have lent her support to yourself or the younger Ikari in this matter. I therefore have to wonder what her true feelings are." He speaks as I resist the urge to reach over the table and slap him.

He knows why Rei isn't here, we were only allowed two people to plead our case and that was both me and Shinji. He's just trying to wind me up and confuse the matter. They all know why Rei isn't here.

Click to shrink...

That and, even if they know it's a lie, hearing it puts the words in their head. They know Rei's not here because Asuka felt her and Shinji would have more imp- ....effect. But that ass has managed to push the narrative, not much but just a bit. I hate politics.

 

[wyatt2996]

"So, he got you into his apartment." I hear Tokita say darkly, as if me going into Kaworu's apartment was part of some grand plan, "And he did not try to do anything to me?"

Click to shrink...

"And he did not try to do anything to you?" is how that should read i believe.

 

[Doctor Squared]

I decide the best form of defense is a good offense and get straight on the attack before any of them have the chance to speak, "You are all wrong about him. You are wrong in thinking he is a threat to anyone."

Click to shrink...

"How can you be sure of that?"

Asuka takes her phone out and plays a clip of Kaworu struggling for fifteen minutes to try on a pair of pants at the mall.

"Don't try to cow us with your overused joke Ms. Soryu!"

 

[Dealer]

Kinda wishin Tokita had more to his character than just spite and 'bad man out to ruin Asuka's (and Kaworu's) dreams of a threesome'. Like this would be way more interesting if Tokita had some actual points vis-a-vis Kaworu's danger that Asuka couldn't just instantly dismiss to herself.

 

[Alex]

Kinda wishin Tokita had more to his character than just spite and 'bad man out to ruin Asuka's (and Kaworu's) dreams of a threesome'. Like this would be way more interesting if Tokita had some actual points vis-a-vis Kaworu's danger that Asuka couldn't just instantly dismiss to herself.

Click to shrink...

This is probably a case where first person narration kinda limits things a bit. Asuka really isn't the type to think of someone standing in her way as ambiguous and deliberate in his own way. Shes far more likely to barrel forward treat everyone standing in her way as a enemy. Plus she has spent enough time with Kaworu to know he isn't a threat. If we do get a more nuanced look at Shiro it will be in a Shinji chapter since he is far more likely to think of the situation in more nebulous terms. He hasn't seen Kaworu up close yet so his mind is likely going to be still very conflicted about this whole idea (Asuka did kinda volunteer him for it after all) But yeah, they do definitely have a point in being careful with him. Even beyond any sort of powers it is very conceivable that he might be important in relation to any surviving SEELE groups. Its actually a lot like with Shinji. They were both basically ignorant people sent in by forces beyond their control, but the average person might see something very different.

 

[JennyDracos]

Unfortunately, I think in Shiro's case spite pretty much dominates. After all, it was an Eva who deadlocked his wonderful catastrophe-in-the-making while the Eva director of operations shut it down.

That said, Shiro is not the only person on the security council, and as the opposition on the council gets more definition, we might see them have some good points.

 

[wyatt2996]

I think Shiro needs a hot poker stuck firmly up his exhaust port. bastard still hot about his failed project... one that would have failed in its first battle anyway, and probably would have failed miserably. It stood no chance against an angel, or an EVA... that whole lacking an AT field kinda doomed it from the start. he should be pissed at his superiors, for giving him the tools to lose all of that face. the Eva pilots (Kaworu at the time counts as an eva pilot, as Tabris was the angel) didn't cause this. the JSSDF caused it...

 

[EvaUnit01]

he should be pissed at his superiors, for giving him the tools to lose all of that face.

Click to shrink...

But that would require acknowledging anyone else other than NERV as The Enemy.

And we can't have that, can we?

 

[Strypgia]

Instead I go for a different tactic. I hate talking about myself, my feelings and my life but these people probably know more about me than I can remember. They will appreciate the impact this has.

"Because I love him."

Click to shrink...

~record scratch SFX~

 

[jcmoorehead]

Unfortunately, I think in Shiro's case spite pretty much dominates. After all, it was an Eva who deadlocked his wonderful catastrophe-in-the-making while the Eva director of operations shut it down.

That said, Shiro is not the only person on the security council, and as the opposition on the council gets more definition, we might see them have some good points.

Click to shrink...

That is pretty much true, all Shiro has is spite, all the others have is uncertainty. Asuka alludes to it herself when Shiro asks her how she can be certain. No one can truly be certain about Kaworu. Perhaps his powers are waiting to manifest themselves once again, maybe he is some sort of sleeper agent and a keyword is going to trigger him. For most of the council it is the uncertainty that kept them from allowing them to say yet. it was the fear of what may be.

Asuka and Shinji's job is to try to persuade them to let go of that fear really. Shiro does have an agenda, I'll write more on it in the next chapter but for him it is selfishness, he doesn't want to see anyone related to NERV succeed. He doesn't believe that anything related to NERV can be a good thing, even the pilots. For the record, he does believe Kaworu is a threat, he is certain of it but his distaste for anything NERV is also driving him to refuse to accept any other possibilities.

 

[Heavy Fuel]

I think Shiro needs a hot poker stuck firmly up his exhaust port. bastard still hot about his failed project... one that would have failed in its first battle anyway, and probably would have failed miserably. It stood no chance against an angel, or an EVA... that whole lacking an AT field kinda doomed it from the start. he should be pissed at his superiors, for giving him the tools to lose all of that face. the Eva pilots (Kaworu at the time counts as an eva pilot, as Tabris was the angel) didn't cause this. the JSSDF caused it...

Click to shrink...

Yeah. If they really wanted to contribute, how about creating a gun powerful enough to punch through an at field without needing all the power in Japan?

 

[jcmoorehead]

Yeah. If they really wanted to contribute, how about creating a gun powerful enough to punch through an at field without needing all the power in Japan?

Click to shrink...

I have nothing to add to what you've said but just wanted to say I was wondering if your name was a Dire Straits reference and then saw your signature, you have good taste!

 

[jcmoorehead]

Hey everyone, kinda realized I've been quiet with any authors notes for this thing but thought I'd quickly add a few things, first of all as I said earlier thanks for the kind words on the past few sections. This particular chapter has been a difficult one to write, I had a few concerns going into it because I've never really wrote scenes like this, I had an idea of what I wanted to do but I still wasn't sure how it'd come out. So I'm glad I seem to be doing somewhat alright with it

So this is part 5 out of 6 for this particular chapter. The final part has been written and edited so that'll probably get thrown up on Monday. Then there will be quiet again for a couple of weeks as I write Chapter 18

Hope you enjoy this section. Thanks to @Alex for providing the ideas for quite a big moment in this part.

---

Tokyo 2 – UN Embassy – Meeting Room – Shinji Ikari
"Kaworu was... kind to me." I tell them, my eyes remain glued to the table, "He seemed nice and I actually felt... comfortable around him."

"So, would you say there was a romantic attachment there?" Tokita asks me.

I feel my cheeks glow red immediately at him asking but I try to not show that his question has bothered me. I turn and glare at him, I can see the smugness on his face as he looks back at me for a reply. I wonder if he is being this was or was this way with Asuka as well, I only hope she can stay calm with him.

"I asked you a question Ikari." Tokita prompts me like some teacher talking down to a student.
"I'm not quite sure how relevant this is." I hear one of the other men opposite him suddenly speak as I struggle to find some sort of answer. In a way I want to be honest about this, I want to tell them the truth about how I felt for Kaworu but I've never really told anyone how I felt. The truth is that, yes, despite barely knowing him I did feel something for him.

I felt something for Kaworu, I liked the way he looked, I liked the way he smiled, I liked the way he spoke and I could see myself in his arms. There was only one other person I could see myself with and who I felt that way for, and that was Asuka.

"This line of questioning is relevant because I would like to establish Ikari's motives for doing this. A potential romantic interest means we can bring into question the truth of Ikari's statements, after all love can make us act strange, can it not?"

"Yes!" I cut him off because he can say anything else. I shift my gaze again towards Tokita and glare at him, "Yes, I did feel something for him. I was attracted to him."

"Interesting, and would you say you still have those feelings now?" He asks me.

I shake my head, "I don't know, my feelings are complicated."

"Well can I perhaps ask, have you spoken to Nagisa since he has returned?"

I nod, "Once, it... did not go well. We weren't ready to speak."

"I see, so then you will not know about his ongoing romance with your former colleague I assume?"

My stomach drops immediately on hearing him say those words. I don't even need him to speak them again, I heard them clearly and from the look on his face I don't think he is making it up. I keep my gaze locked on him as my body reacts in other ways. I try to not sure what he has said affected me but I can feel it, my stomach is churning, the sweat on my body and my legs are shaking.

Asuka... and Kaworu? They are together? It... It can't be true... can it? T-They have been spending a lot of time together and Asuka was very keen to help him. I... They never told me... No one told me... Asuka didn't tell me and Rei... Does Rei know? S-She... She must have done, she knew Asuka more than anyone recently.

"I take it from your silence that you were not aware of this fact?" Tokita asks me, snapping me away from my thoughts.

"N-No... I wasn't."

"Tokita!" The man opposite him speaks again, "Where are you going with this, this is hardly relevant to what we are doing."

"Oh, I think it is." Tokita replies, "It is documented that Ikari had feelings for Ms. Soryu and you all just heard it yourself that he had interest in Nagisa too. Perhaps his actions here today were just in hope of pleasing one of them in an attempt to rekindle that. Perhaps now that he is aware of the truth we can see honesty from him."

I want to run. I want to throw up. I want to vanish from here and never be a part of this again. A part fo me even wants to laugh at the absurdity of this situation. Asuka and Kaworu... they're a couple and I didn't know.

There is an awkward silence in the room, no one else here seems to be sure of what to say, Tokita is looking at me, his lips turned upwards in a victorious smile. I hate him. I want to reach out and punch him. I take a few deep breaths, I can't hide that this has bothered me. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and Tokita knows it. He knew what that would do to me.

So, what do I do now? Do I just walk away from this? Do I just give up? Why am I even doing this? To help Kaworu, was that really the reason or was it for Asuka? I had... I had thought that being back in contact with Asuka... maybe there was a chance. I... I love Asuka, I love her so much. I want her to be happy. Nagisa... do I love him? I can't say, I love what I thought he was but I don't know who he is now. Still... he deserves to be happy too.

Both of them deserve to be happy, just like I do. I feel awful, I feel rotten and maybe even betrayed. It would be so easy for me to turn around now and leave this room. To tell them to do what they want with Kaworu but... what would that gain? Would that make me feel any better? Of course, it wouldn't! It'd just prove that side of me that tells me I'm awful right.

That... That would be something that my father would do. He'd turn away if he couldn't get what he wanted but... I'm not him. Asuka and Kaworu... if they're together then... so be it, I don't have a right to be with Asuka. I love her... I want her to be happy and if she is happy with him then I am fine with that. I will deal with it.

I take a final deep breath before looking at Tokita's stupid smug face one last time. I feel a confidence build up inside of me that I've not felt before, "I did not know about that but... it changes nothing. I am not doing this because of my feelings for those people. I believe Kaworu has changed, I believe he is a good person and I don't think anyone is at risk. People can change. The people I know now... they aren't the people they used to be. Misato... Rei... Asuka and even me... we're all different, we've all changed and... I think Kaworu has as well."

"Well that is all well and good..." Tokita starts to reply, he seems slightly taken aback by my reply, "Neither of you were former Angels tasked with destroying mankind. Everything you have just said is inconsequential, it is pure belief and nothing concrete. This is pointless, it is pure emotion and feelings from someone who clearly isn't thinking clearly. Chairman, I suggest we end this."

I sit in silence as I listen to his tirade and begin to question my own actions. Have I actually made a mistake in what I have said? Is he right, is everything I have said based on emotion and belief? That is true, I don't really know Kaworu has changed. I don't know anything really, Asuka asked me to help and I said I would but... I don't really know anything. I don't even know how to feel right now, I'm still in shock after finding out about the two of them.

When I think about it, they could be right. What if Kaworu is still dangerous? What if he is still an Angel but we just don't know it yet. He could be really good at hiding it, he might not even know it himself. What if I'm making a mistake here? I...

"I am still not convinced." A woman directly next to the chairman speaks. I think out of all the people on the table she is the only one who has not yet said anything outside of the initial introduction.

She seems stern, her eyes piercing and commanding. Tokita falls silent immediately on her speaking and she locks her eyes onto mine.

"Shinji, first of all thank you for being honest in regards to your feelings for Nagisa. I know such a thing will have been quite difficult. Not only due to his status but also due to certain attitudes in society but your honest does actually help us. I also apologize for any pain the recent revelation might have caused you."

She flashes a look at Tokita as she says that, it seems him revealing that little bit about Asuka and Kaworu has not impressed her and I wonder if all of these people are on the same page.
"If you can, I would like you to continue telling us about Nagisa when you met him back then. What sort of person he was before you knew he was an Angel and anything you felt about him when you did find out. Even if you feel it is inconsequential it might help."

I nod, "Okay."

"So, you met Nagisa by the side of a lake, you have already told us this much. I presume you spent most of the day with him after that, can you please tell us what you did during that day."
I nod and try to push out the thoughts of that revelation and instead focus on what is important. I'm going to help them, I am going to help Kaworu. I'm not going to run away, he needs me to help him.

"We had to perform a sync test not long after we first met. That went smoothly but I saw Misato and the others seemed concerned. I didn't think anything of it though, after the test we went to get changed and have a shower. T-There wasn't a lot to do in the city anymore, half of it had been destroyed and pretty much everyone was gone."

"You did not return to your own home first?" She asks me, her voice softening.

I shake my head, "N-No... I... I was avoiding it as much as I could. It just made me unhappy being there plus... Misato was always at NERV and Asuka was in the hospital. There was nothing there for me so... I was happy to spend time with Kaworu,"

"When you were with Nagisa did the two fo you discuss NERV, did you maybe tell him anything that might have... unintentionally helped him?"

I take a moment to think about our conversations, it is strange but I can still recall most of the details of that day to easily. Finally, I shake my head, "No, he... he seemed more interested in me personally. He wanted to know about me and my friends, he asked me about my father. I... I told him, it was so easy to open up to him. I didn't feel like he was judging me for anything I said he just... listened to me."

"i see." She nods, her expression has softened a little bit when it comes to me. Everyone else in the room seems to have taken a backseat to allow her to speak, even the chairman seems completely silent, "So after spending the night with him, what happened next?"

My eyes wander to the table and I reach out to my cup to take a sip of water as the memories of those moments come back to me. I look around to see the other council members looking at me with some curiosity, aside from Tokita.

"In your own time Shinji." She prompts me.

I take a deep breath, "I woke up when the alarms were going off. I noticed straight away Kaworu wasn't in his bed. I... I didn't know why but I just thought he had gone on ahead to take on the Angel and not woke me up. I put on my clothes and rushed to Eva Unit 01... When I got there... I was told that he was the Angel."

"And how did that make you feel?"

Not quite as bad as finding out the two people you love are in a relationship, my mind quips as I prepare a response.

"I... I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it." I admit, "Kaworu couldn't have been the Angel, he was... so nice but... it was true even if I didn't want it to be. So, I was sent to fight him. When I caught up with him he was floating down towards the lower depths of NERV, he... had an A.T. Field and was somehow controlling Unit 02."

"So, he had considerable power?"

I nod, "Yes, I would say so."

"And when you caught up with him did he say anything to you?"

"Yes." I tell them, "He... He admitted he was an Angel, he told me what the A.T. Field was and I chased him... towards..."

I drop off and look around the room wondering how much I should reveal. Many parts of this I've never revealed to anyone. I've generally been told to never speak of these moments before but am I safe here? They knew about Lilith so they probably know.

The chairman nods, "It is fine, we know about the lower levels of NERV and Lilith."

I give him a dry smile, "Kaworu approached Lilith and then stopped. He gave me time to catch up to him after I had stopped Unit 02 and then he spoke to me again."

It hurts me so much to think about that day. I knew I would have had to but I didn't realize how much it would hurt. At the same time, I didn't expect to learn about Kaworu and Asuka, that isn't helping me but... I have to fight it. I'm going to let them know that Kaworu isn't a threat.

"Why did he wait for you? Could he not have just gone ahead and completed his task?" Another person in the room asks me.

"Kaworu was... not there for Lilith and he realized he had been lied to as well. He... said that I should be the one to live and not him... He... understood something that I didn't and I... still don't really understand but he..."

My voice starts to tremble as I speak and I swallow down the lump that has formed in my throat. I killed a person on that day, I killed a person and... I've never been able to come to terms with it. I've never wanted to remember it. I hate remembering it. Why have I agreed to this? Why do I have to feel this? It's all... too much. I want to run away but... I'm not going to, I won't run, I won't cry, not here. Not in front of these people and especially not in front of Tokita.

"Kaworu let me kill him... He wanted humanity to live on. He sacrficied himself because he couldn't find any other way. I... I don't think he really wanted to destroy us, when I saw him he was questioning whether humanity really had to die." I look around the room, "If he was still an Angel now... If he still wanted that he could have done it."

I take a moment to make sure I'm composed, "I know you all fear him. I know what it is like to be scared but... I don't think he ever wanted to hurt anyone and I don't think he does now. I don't think we should fear him. I... I'm not scared of him and I... I want to see him... so that I can tell him I forgive him. Please... don't let your fear get in the way of his life."

 

[JennyDracos]

Would that make me feel any better? Of course, it wouldn't! It'd just prove that side of me that tells me I'm awful right.

Click to shrink...

I am so proud of you, Shinji.

 

[Alex]

"So, would you say there was a romantic attachment there?" Tokita asks me.

Click to shrink...

Trying to establish a conflict of interests I see huh Tokita?

"I see, so then you will not know about his ongoing romance with your former colleague I assume?"

Click to shrink...

Ouch. That must really hurt. Even if he never wanted to admit it its clear he never really let go of his feelings for Asuka so to hear that it might be lost the chance to act on them again is devastating.

o tell them to do what they want with Kaworu but... what would that gain? Would that make me feel any better? Of course, it wouldn't! It'd just prove that side of me that tells me I'm awful right.

Click to shrink...

Jealousy can make us want to do terrible things. Cruel things we would never normally do. If he really wanted to he could give Tokita exactly what he wants. He could call Kaworu a monster and a demon that needs to be stopped. he could try to punish Kaworu for taking something he loved. Shinji has a history with lashing out violently when pushed beyond his ability so it makes sense for him to consider it at least for a moment. But beyond that moment of instictual anger Shinji is a better person then that. At least he tries to be. He has a lot of his father in him but he doesn't have to be him if he chooses not to and this is one of those choices.

My voice starts to tremble as I speak and I swallow down the lump that has formed in my throat. I killed a person on that day, I killed a person and... I've never been able to come to terms with it. I've never wanted to remember it. I hate remembering it. Why have I agreed to this? Why do I have to feel this? It's all... too much. I want to run away but... I'm not going to, I won't run, I won't cry, not here. Not in front of these people and especially not in front of Tokita.

Click to shrink...

It is not something I think you can ever really get used to. Just something you can learn to live around if that makes sense. Still credit to Shinji for facing the memory of something so painful.

I take a moment to make sure I'm composed, "I know you all fear him. I know what it is like to be scared but... I don't think he ever wanted to hurt anyone and I don't think he does now. I don't think we should fear him. I... I'm not scared of him and I... I want to see him... so that I can tell him I forgive him. Please... don't let your fear get in the way of his life."

Click to shrink...

Aww good on you Shinji. Doing the right thing even when you are not going to gain from it in the way you might have hoped even when it would have been so easy not to you really are Braver then you think you Are.

 

[Doctor Squared]

"So, would you say there was a romantic attachment there?" Tokita asks me.

Click to shrink...

"Love is strange and the heart wants what it wants. I fell for a literal Angel and you had an unhealthy obsession with a walking nuclear reactor that nearly irradiated half of Japan."

 

[EvaUnit01]

"Love is strange and the heart wants what it wants. I fell for a literal Angel and you had an unhealthy obsession with a walking nuclear reactor that nearly irradiated half of Japan."

Click to shrink...

....wow. It's been so long since I saw the original TV series, I had completely forgotten how lame the Jet Alone looked.

 

[Alex]

....wow. It's been so long since I saw the original TV series, I had completely forgotten how lame the Jet Alone looked.

Click to shrink...

Its pretty funny in retrospect. Its a reference to Jet Jaguar from the Godzilla franchise which by all accounts I am fairly sure Anno really likes. So having your shout out be almost universally disliked by the fandom must be a bit of a downer.

 

[Doctor Squared]

Its pretty funny in retrospect. Its a reference to Jet Jaguar from the Godzilla franchise which by all accounts I am fairly sure Anno really likes. So having your shout out be almost universally disliked by the fandom must be a bit of a downer.

Click to shrink...

See, the issue is that Jet Alone kind of has to be lame and completely unable to ever even harm an Angel. If there wasn't supposed to be an episode where it was Ritsuko and Maya's chance to shine I would have had Iruel infect Jet Alone instead of the MAGI.

• Its got an AT Field
• Its powered by a nuclear reactor so you can't just shoot/beat the crap out of it as usual because you'll irradiate the area around the fight (and the Jet Alone test is near a major cargo port)
• Misato's inside trying to fix Ritsuko's sabotage attempt.

Tons of fun.

 

[Strypgia]

"So, would you say there was a romantic attachment there?" Tokita asks me.

Click to shrink...

"I'd say that's none of your goddamn business, buddy."

"This line of questioning is relevant because I would like to establish Ikari's motives for doing this. A potential romantic interest means we can bring into question the truth of Ikari's statements, after all love can make us act strange, can it not?"

Click to shrink...

And any romantic interest on his part is irrelevant to your supposed concern of Kaworu still having powers and being a threat. Shinji's motives have been 'I'd like to see him again' and 'I think he's no threat'. Whether Shinji likes him personally is moot. Your concerns would hold more water if you were asking 'do you think he might go Angel again?' instead of 'are you hot for him?'

"I see, so then you will not know about his ongoing romance with your former colleague I assume?"

Click to shrink...

Ouch. What a way to find out... That's about the worst way it could go, too. Asuka and Kaworu better be real ready with an explanation the next time they speak. Asuka at least should be well aware Shinji's likely reaction to learning is to withdraw hard, blaming himself as 'not good enough'.

 

[jcmoorehead]

Berlin – UN Embassy – Meeting Room – Asuka Langley Soryu

"Nothing at first, we went to the concert and would message each other a bit. It was only a few weeks later that we started to spend more time together." I answer him before turning my gaze towards the chairman.

"Did he ask you or did you ask him to see each other again?"

"Neither." I turn to the source of the voice, "I don't think any of us had the nerve to ask one another despite wanting to. The next time I saw him was after the goons' you people had 'protecting' him decided to beat him up."

I look and see the smile fade from the face of the chairman, he looks regretful. Good, so he should, all of these people should feel regret at that.

"Yes, that is something which... I think we all regret." He speaks slowly, "It will be of no solace to yourself or Mr. Nagisa but our screening process has improved and we will continue to do so in the future."

"You're right, it isn't of solace to me but I'm sure Kaworu would feel better at that." I bite back, perhaps I shouldn't have sounded so harsh but thinking about that incident makes my blood boil. I can still remember how he looked when I went to his apartment, I felt so bad, so powerless and all he could do was blame himself.

It does however give me something, "This does raise a point, if Kaworu was, what some of you think he was then do you not think he would have defended himself?"

"Hah." Tokita smirks at me, "It is something that has been considered but perhaps Nagisa did not want to reveal himself as of yet. Remember we are not just discussing the possibility that he is still an Angel, we are also discussing the possibility that he is still in contact with SEELE. Your point has already been considered and dismissed."

I really want to punch his stupid, idiotic and smug face but I can't help but feel he has brought up a good point. This whole thing, it hinges on uncertainty, how do we know he is or how do we know he isn't. The truth is we don't, just like I could be an Angel but not know it or Shinji could be. How can I fight back against something like that?

All I know is I believe in Kaworu. I believe he isn't a threat and I want them to see that. I mean, the guy can hardly put on a pair of pants without stumbling over, how can he possibly be a threat?

"True." I concede, "But then if he was still in league with someone like SEELE would they have allowed such an attack? Surely, they would not have wanted their agent to come to any harm. Those people you had were highly trained, they knew how to kill someone. It was a risk."

He simply shakes his head, "Again that is irrelevant. Nagisa was attacked and managed to run away. Yes, it could have been worse but it wasn't. Considering who Nagisa is, I'd say he was lucky."

"And what exactly do you mean by that?" I feel my hand slam down hard against the table, pain shoots up the side and I wonder for a moment if perhaps I've damaged something. I don't let them see any pain on my face, "Are you suggesting he deserved it?"

"Not at all." He waves a condescending finger in front of my face, "I'm just suggesting that, like you, if could have been a lot worse. I mean, considering who Nagisa is, it is difficult to blame certain parties for feeling they have to take action. Perhaps those men thought they were protecting us."

I'm about to get to my feet when suddenly a woman to the right of the Chairman speaks up, "I feel that we have spent long enough on this. Tokita, your men were in the wrong for what happened and have been punished accordingly, there is no justification for that shameful attack. Ms. Soryu, we apologize to yourself and Nagisa for what happened."

I look again at Tokita, did I hear her correctly? They were... his men? Did he put them in place to watch over Nagisa? It's not worth thinking about now, I can find out later.

"Ms. Soryu." The woman speaks again, "It is quite clear to us that you feel strongly about Nagisa's current state. We would like to establish more of a timeline regarding Nagisa. What happened after that incident?"

"We spent a lot more time together and got to know each other more." I answer calmly, the rage fading away from me slowly.

"Of course, and what did the two of you do?"

I give a small shrug, "Usual things that friends do I guess. We watched movies together, listened to list and played video games. We just enjoyed spending time with each other."

"So, when you were with him, did you ever feel threatened by him?"

I shake my head, "No, absolutely not. Kaworu always seemed to be frightened of me. He was... afraid of a lot of things, the attack didn't help that either."

"And did you ever notice anything... unusual about him?" She asks, "Did he ever vanish for an amount of time? Was he ever hard to contact?"

Again, I shake my head, "I never had a problem contacting him if I wanted to, as far as vanishing went, he might have went for a walk around the local area but that stopped after the attack. Aside from that he didn't really do a lot, it wasn't really until I showed up that he started to do new things."

"You alluded before to the state of his apartment when you arrived. Can you expand on that?" She asks me.

I nod, "When I first went into his apartment he had nothing but the essentials in there. He had food, a television, a keyboard and something to play music on. He had only been back for a few months and he didn't really know anything about the world. He didn't really know what to do, like I said he was alive but he wasn't really living a life."

"I suppose this made you feel bad for him?"

I nod again, "Of course, after everything that happened to me I... I recognized some of what he was going through. I had seen it happen with Rei as well and... well Shinji too."

"So, after this when did you both take it from a friendship to being something more?"

I can see her making notes with each one of my answers and I wonder what exactly she is thinking. It's hard to gauge her, she seems to be giving very little, if anything away. I don't know if what I'm saying is good or bad.

"It was a few weeks after the attack, Kaworu had invited me to his apartment for dinner." i start to explain, "I... Something happened whilst I was there and I ended up kissing him. I guess from there we realized we were more than friends. It wasn't really traditional."

"It rarely is." She remarks, "I think I've asked all I need to for now. Thank you."

The room now falls silence, is this the end of it? I look between them all as they all make notes. What do I do now? Have they made up their minds or do I still have some time left? I wonder how this is going to go, no, I know how this is going to go. They're going to go away and tell me they've reverse their decision and Kaworu will be able to come with me to Japan.

"Ms. Soryu, I just had a few questions about you." One of the men to my left suddenly starts to speak, "It's just regarding your service record. It would be fair to say that you had something of a troubled upbringing, am I correct?"

I nod my head slowly, I don't like where this is going already. What does my upbringing have to do with this?

"I know this might not seem relevant to you but we do want to explore all possibilities here. It's a sensitive issue so we would ask for your cooperation. Now, you were put into the Evangelion project from a young age, in fact it could probably be said that you were put into it as soon as you were born?"

"Yes, that is true." I nod again, "I was around the age of four when I was 'selected'"

"Our records do state that when it came to certain aspects of your training you were exceptional. You were remarkable in your studies, in fact I believe you managed to obtain a college degree at the age of 13."

I nod proudly, "Yes, my tutors thought I was very advanced for my age and I was convinced to study at that level."

"Quite a remarkable achievement for a young girl, you must have been proud."

I was proud, keyword being was but when I look back on it I was miserable. What did my degree get me? All it was, was another weapon I could use to inform people how much better I was than they were. What did it get me, aside from allowing me to feel more isolated from others? Proud? Not a chance.

"Whilst you excelled in these areas, your record shows that there were difficulties in other places. I think it would be fair to say you were something of a… problem child."

I look at him and give an embarrassed smile, "I was… a bit of a handful. I admit that much, what is your point?"

"His point…. I believe." Tokita does not give the man a chance to speak, "Is that you had a problem with authority. We know how you berated your colleagues and your superiors, how you often defied orders in training and treated your guardians poorly. It is of course understandable that someone in your position would have lashed out."

He pauses for a moment, "Revenge against those who wronged you, it's understandable and with Nagisa you have an opportunity to take revenge against a world that wronged you. How can we know that you are simply not just covering for him, or are even in league with him?"

I feel my hand clench into a fist at his words but I manage to restrain myself. That is what he wants, he wants me to lash out. Any moment where I slip will just give him a victory, I won't give him the satisfaction.

I reply to him, as calmly as I can but unable to keep the snarl out of my voice, "Whatever happened in my past is in my past. I've done as much as I can to move away from that and the hideous wreck of a person I used to be. Yes, I do hate a lot of those people, the ones who saw me as a tool and nothing else. The ones who aided in murdering my mother but those people… SEELE were among them, and they're long gone now."

I turn towards the chairman and look him firmly in the eyes. I'm done here, I have nothing more to say, "I have told you all everything I have to tell you. Kaworu is no threat to me, no threat to any of you or this world. If you refuse to believe me then so be it, you can live with your foolish mistake. I'm done here."

 

[jcmoorehead]

I am so proud of you, Shinji.

Click to shrink...

I loved writing that section for Shinji, because I felt it was such a great opportunity to show that Shinji is a good person and how he is truly different from his father.

Ouch. That must really hurt. Even if he never wanted to admit it its clear he never really let go of his feelings for Asuka so to hear that it might be lost the chance to act on them again is devastating.

Click to shrink...

Oh most definitely, it's crushing and he will need a lot of support afterwards, fortunately Misato and Rei will be on hand to administer the biggest of hugs.

Jealousy can make us want to do terrible things. Cruel things we would never normally do. If he really wanted to he could give Tokita exactly what he wants. He could call Kaworu a monster and a demon that needs to be stopped. he could try to punish Kaworu for taking something he loved. Shinji has a history with lashing out violently when pushed beyond his ability so it makes sense for him to consider it at least for a moment. But beyond that moment of instictual anger Shinji is a better person then that. At least he tries to be. He has a lot of his father in him but he doesn't have to be him if he chooses not to and this is one of those choices.

Click to shrink...

This was it, and it admittedly wasn't something I really thought about until you mentioned it in the Discord. Somethign I had struggled with in this fic was when Shinji would find out about Asuka/Kaworu and your suggestion really helped to do this, but it also brought out some key moments for Shinji.

Shinji does have a lot of his father in him. In fact there will be a section planned in the next chapter where Fuyutsuki alludes to that, saying that at times Shinji did remind him of his father in how he carried himself. The difference is that Shinji was not acting for himself, he was acting for another, which is something Gendo never did.

It's something that Shinji can be very proud of and proof that he is a good person.

Ouch. What a way to find out... That's about the worst way it could go, too. Asuka and Kaworu better be real ready with an explanation the next time they speak. Asuka at least should be well aware Shinji's likely reaction to learning is to withdraw hard, blaming himself as 'not good enough'.

Click to shrink...

Oh yeah, some awkward conversations coming up for them.

 

[JennyDracos]

If Asuka is anything like me:

Asuka glared at the adult figure: "If I wanted revenge? If Kaworu is secretly still an Angel, if I knew about it, if I somehow managed to lie to you about it, if every single one of the huge battery of tests your people ran on him to ensure he was actually human were wrong, I could have revenge - but." She sagged. "I already had my revenge. I lashed out at everyone. And when Shinji had the power of a God thrust upon him, when he desperately needed help to not destroy the world, I lashed out at him, too. All Kaworu had to do to bring about Third Impact was reach forth his hand, and he stopped, and asked Shinji to kill him so he wouldn't. I didn't stop. I destroyed the world, and it's no thanks to me that Shinji was able to bring it back. And I will wear that crown of ashes until I die."

"Asuka? Did you say something?"

She went red, then turned off the faucet. "No! No, I didn't. ...I just hope Shinji is better than I was..."

 

[Dealer]

Tokita you might have more success convincing others if you took down the neon I AM A BAD MAN sign from over your head.