Braver Than We Are (NGE Fanfic)
- Thread starter jcmoorehead
- Start date
- Location
- Canada
Chapter 26- Full CIrcle - 4: Shinji Ikari/Asuka Langley Soryu
- Location
- Edinburgh
Two quick updates in one day. I actually had all of this wrote up when I posted earlier hence the lack of time between the two posts 
Looking forward to seeing peoples thoughts for this bit
Shinji Ikari
She finishes singing the final note of the song, holding the note for longer than we expected to and then she and all the instruments fall silent on stage. The silence lasts for not even a second but in my mind that second feels like forever. I look up towards the sea of people in front of us all, this faceless crowd of people I don't know and then I look towards the ones I do.
One by one, or perhaps in groups, the audience begins to stand up and applaud. I feel myself grin stupid as it hits me, we... managed to do it. We were actually able to do it, this group of people around me, this group who barely knew each other a few months ago have managed to perform a full concert. Week by week, session by session, we learned all of these songs. Chord by chord and note by note, we pieced it all together, we rehearsed it all and were able to do this.
We all helped each other out, when we saw one person was struggling, we worked with them. We all gave each other encouragement, we all wanted to do this and be the best we could be.
I... a person who was terrified of meeting people, have just performed in front of around two thousand people. I was so sure people would recognize me, would hate me because of what I nearly did many years ago but... Misato and Rei were right. I had nothing to fear.
All the ones I love were here as well to watch it. Touji, Hikari and Kensuke, my first real friends... ever really. Misato, the guardian who became my mother. Rei... my sister and of course Asuka and Kaworu, the friends that I love. Without any of their support I would not have been able to do this.
I need to make sure I thank them all properly after the concert. I wish I could do it now but all I can do is stand here and take in the applause as a voice on the venue PA begins to go through the names of all of us on stage. First, they go through the singer and the backing band, then they introduce all of us in the string section. I feel a strange chill down my spine as my name is read out and I am fairly sure I hear Touji yell something.
Finally, the announcer calls out the name fo the director of our group. He makes his way to the stage through the centre of the two groups and takes a bow before motioning for us all to join him at the front of the stage. We all leave our positions and move carefully to the front and bow with him as the crowd continue to applaud. Once again, I am sure I can hear Touji yelling something, in fact I'm sure I can hear Rei as well!
A few moments later we are given the signal for us to leave the stage. As I leave, I give one more look towards them all before quietly following the person in front of me and going towards the backstage area.
That realization is still flying around my head, 'We did it' and... I want to do this again. I loved doing this, I loved performing for this crowd, I loved being able to get lost in the music. I loved... just playing. This is what I want to do now, this is what I want so much, more than anything. I want to play more, I want to compose, I want to record.
I have to let the director know my decision, that I will be joining them for the recordings, that I want to continue but then... I need to tell the rest of them. I need to tell the ones I love, starting with Asuka and Kaworu.
Asuka Langley Soryu
I was so certain of what I was going to do, I was so sure I could fight through it but now my mind has been made up of what I should do. It is what I have to do.
I first started to have this idea a few days ago, it was just after me and Shinji nearly kissed and before I spoke to Rei. I went around and round with it but I tried to cast it aside. I figured that me and Kaworu are together and we should be, but right now I have to take a different path. It'll be painful but it's the right thing to do.
That isn't to say it hasn't been good and I wish things could be different. I loved each and every moment of the concert tonight. I also thought Bat Out Of Hell as an encore song was a very inspired choice. It's a song that I actually feel like I identify with. In the song the protagonist describes the world they live in as being broken and run down. They talk to the one they love and tell them they're the only pure thing in the whole wide world.
Only the protagonist can't stay, they have to leave that city and forge a new life. They tell the love interesting they're going to leave and so they do, riding away on their motorbike. They travel too fast and don't see a curve in the road, they fly off the road and end up crashing into a pit where they lay dying. All they can do is watch as their heart leaves their body and flies away.
Another parallel with me I suppose, when I fought those bastard Evangelions I never saw that goddamn lance coming, and I ended up dying alone. All I could do was watch before I was torn to shreds.
In some way that character is me. I'm the one seeing the world as broken, or I am broken and Kaworu and Shinji are the pure people that I love. I'm the one who has to leave though, I have to get away. Why? Because all I'll do is cause them pain. I know leaving will hurt them, and I know it'll hurt me too. My heart already hurts so much just thinking about it but I have to do it. I'm not the right person for Kaworu, Shinji is and I'm not the right person for Shinji. Kaworu is.
I'm sure in time they'll both understand. What I'll do is return to Germany tonight, get a flight back and send them both a message. I'll tell Shinji to make sure he takes care of Kaworu and I'll tell Kaworu I love him and I hope he understands. I'll say to them both I understand if neither of them wants to see me ever again. I know I'll be miserable at first but that's nothing a ton of ice cream and video game binging can't solve.
Why am I doing this? Because I can see the two of them from here. They're both talking to one another and laughing and smiling. They're both so happy and I just don't belong here. Maybe Kaworu is happy with me, I know I am with him. I love him so much and I don't think he'll ever understand what he means to me. The thing is, I know in time that'll fade. I know he'll come to realize what I am and what I was and he'll leave me. It's what I deserve and so... I'll leave first.
Goodbye Kaworu. Goodbye Shinji. Good luck to you both. I love you both and so this is the best thing I can do for the two of you.
Looking forward to seeing peoples thoughts for this bit
Shinji Ikari
She finishes singing the final note of the song, holding the note for longer than we expected to and then she and all the instruments fall silent on stage. The silence lasts for not even a second but in my mind that second feels like forever. I look up towards the sea of people in front of us all, this faceless crowd of people I don't know and then I look towards the ones I do.
One by one, or perhaps in groups, the audience begins to stand up and applaud. I feel myself grin stupid as it hits me, we... managed to do it. We were actually able to do it, this group of people around me, this group who barely knew each other a few months ago have managed to perform a full concert. Week by week, session by session, we learned all of these songs. Chord by chord and note by note, we pieced it all together, we rehearsed it all and were able to do this.
We all helped each other out, when we saw one person was struggling, we worked with them. We all gave each other encouragement, we all wanted to do this and be the best we could be.
I... a person who was terrified of meeting people, have just performed in front of around two thousand people. I was so sure people would recognize me, would hate me because of what I nearly did many years ago but... Misato and Rei were right. I had nothing to fear.
All the ones I love were here as well to watch it. Touji, Hikari and Kensuke, my first real friends... ever really. Misato, the guardian who became my mother. Rei... my sister and of course Asuka and Kaworu, the friends that I love. Without any of their support I would not have been able to do this.
I need to make sure I thank them all properly after the concert. I wish I could do it now but all I can do is stand here and take in the applause as a voice on the venue PA begins to go through the names of all of us on stage. First, they go through the singer and the backing band, then they introduce all of us in the string section. I feel a strange chill down my spine as my name is read out and I am fairly sure I hear Touji yell something.
Finally, the announcer calls out the name fo the director of our group. He makes his way to the stage through the centre of the two groups and takes a bow before motioning for us all to join him at the front of the stage. We all leave our positions and move carefully to the front and bow with him as the crowd continue to applaud. Once again, I am sure I can hear Touji yelling something, in fact I'm sure I can hear Rei as well!
A few moments later we are given the signal for us to leave the stage. As I leave, I give one more look towards them all before quietly following the person in front of me and going towards the backstage area.
That realization is still flying around my head, 'We did it' and... I want to do this again. I loved doing this, I loved performing for this crowd, I loved being able to get lost in the music. I loved... just playing. This is what I want to do now, this is what I want so much, more than anything. I want to play more, I want to compose, I want to record.
I have to let the director know my decision, that I will be joining them for the recordings, that I want to continue but then... I need to tell the rest of them. I need to tell the ones I love, starting with Asuka and Kaworu.
Asuka Langley Soryu
I was so certain of what I was going to do, I was so sure I could fight through it but now my mind has been made up of what I should do. It is what I have to do.
I first started to have this idea a few days ago, it was just after me and Shinji nearly kissed and before I spoke to Rei. I went around and round with it but I tried to cast it aside. I figured that me and Kaworu are together and we should be, but right now I have to take a different path. It'll be painful but it's the right thing to do.
That isn't to say it hasn't been good and I wish things could be different. I loved each and every moment of the concert tonight. I also thought Bat Out Of Hell as an encore song was a very inspired choice. It's a song that I actually feel like I identify with. In the song the protagonist describes the world they live in as being broken and run down. They talk to the one they love and tell them they're the only pure thing in the whole wide world.
Only the protagonist can't stay, they have to leave that city and forge a new life. They tell the love interesting they're going to leave and so they do, riding away on their motorbike. They travel too fast and don't see a curve in the road, they fly off the road and end up crashing into a pit where they lay dying. All they can do is watch as their heart leaves their body and flies away.
Another parallel with me I suppose, when I fought those bastard Evangelions I never saw that goddamn lance coming, and I ended up dying alone. All I could do was watch before I was torn to shreds.
In some way that character is me. I'm the one seeing the world as broken, or I am broken and Kaworu and Shinji are the pure people that I love. I'm the one who has to leave though, I have to get away. Why? Because all I'll do is cause them pain. I know leaving will hurt them, and I know it'll hurt me too. My heart already hurts so much just thinking about it but I have to do it. I'm not the right person for Kaworu, Shinji is and I'm not the right person for Shinji. Kaworu is.
I'm sure in time they'll both understand. What I'll do is return to Germany tonight, get a flight back and send them both a message. I'll tell Shinji to make sure he takes care of Kaworu and I'll tell Kaworu I love him and I hope he understands. I'll say to them both I understand if neither of them wants to see me ever again. I know I'll be miserable at first but that's nothing a ton of ice cream and video game binging can't solve.
Why am I doing this? Because I can see the two of them from here. They're both talking to one another and laughing and smiling. They're both so happy and I just don't belong here. Maybe Kaworu is happy with me, I know I am with him. I love him so much and I don't think he'll ever understand what he means to me. The thing is, I know in time that'll fade. I know he'll come to realize what I am and what I was and he'll leave me. It's what I deserve and so... I'll leave first.
Goodbye Kaworu. Goodbye Shinji. Good luck to you both. I love you both and so this is the best thing I can do for the two of you.
JennyDracos
Eccentric Hugging Lady
- Location
- Chicago
DAMNIT ASUKA YOU WERE GETTING BETTER
- Location
- Edinburgh
*Cut to Kaworu and Shinji chasing Asuka in the streets*
*Suddenly Kaworu trips and falls, his pants fallen around his ankles*
Kaworu: Help!
*Suddenly Kaworu trips and falls, his pants fallen around his ankles*
Kaworu: Help!
- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
Damn it, Asuka. You're letting your fears dictate your actions again. You already did that once regarding Shinji and regretted it ever since. I thought you were supposed to be the smart one?
- Location
- Edinburgh
Rei via radio: Kodama, she managed to get past me. She's approaching your position, ready.... the net™.
Rei (Approaches a dazed Asuka, trapped in... the net™): Baka-Asuka! Did you really think you could outrun... your destiny™
Asuka: Okay so... how do you keep doing that tm thing?
Rei: Too much exposure to Lucasarts Adventure games.
Chapter 27 - Lovers' Leap - 1: Kaworu Nagisa
- Location
- Edinburgh
Kaworu Nagisa
"Come with me."
I quickly move past Shinji, giving him no time at all to reply to my instruction hoping that he will just follow me out of the ballroom. As I walk towards the exit, I once again check the text message from Rei, just to make sure she did say what I thought and expected it to say. I glance over my shoulder and see Shinji is indeed following me, good, I need him for this.
We reach the doors leading out onto the street and almost immediately I see Rei waiting for me. Next to her is a car ready to take me and Shinji to the hotel. She spots me and smiles half-heartedly whilst shrugging her shoulders, "It is exactly as you said it would be Nagisa. Asuka left five minutes ago."
I smile back at her, "Thank you for letting me know. I had a feeling this would happen."
"W-What's going on?" I hear Shinji ask from behind me. We both turn to face him and see a confused look on his face, "Did Asuka leave? Why? Is everything okay?"
I put my hand on his shoulder to try to calm him, "Everything is fine Shinji, but we need to back to the hotel."
"Hotel?" He asks, again looking at both myself and Rei in confusion, "Do you want me to wait here whilst you bring her back?"
"No, you have to come with me. I fear that my effort alone will not be enough to bring her back." I again turn to look at Rei, "Thank you for this, truly it does mean a lot."
"I don't understand." Shinji says, "Why did she leave?"
"Asuka left because she is nothing more than an idiot who remains incapable of reading a situation and continues to act without thinking. Not dissimilar to a certain brother of mine." Rei answers with a mild hint of irritation in her voice, "Go with Kaworu to the hotel and bring her back. You can tell her I called her an idiot as well."
I laugh as I thank her once again and begin to make my way towards the car. Shinji seems to hesitate for a moment before Rei tells him to go. For a brief moment I feel bad for not fully explaining what is happening and why Asuka has left, but I feel it is something best left until the three of us are together. I sit myself down on one of the seats in the back of the car, Shinji getting in beside me and I instruct the driver to go to the hotel.
I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as the car pulls away. So far things are going how I expected them to go. I had a feeling Asuka would do something like this, the fear she has of being abandoned winning out over common sense. Her idea that she isn't a good person winning out over the love I have for her and the love Shinji has for her. What this does is give me a chance to prove how I feel... how we all feel for one another and move us forward.
Yet, I have my doubts. I've gone over the moment in my head a few times, thought of key things to say and gestures to make. Questions to ask and answers to give but it could end up being that I am wrong. Perhaps Asuka and Shinji do not feel that way for one another. Perhaps Shinji does not feel that way for me. Perhaps... I would be unable to convince them.
No. This is not the time for that sort of doubt nor that sort of fear. I have to remain confident in my feelings and what is within my heart. If I want us all to be happy like we all can be then I can't doubt myself. If I start to doubt then that is when it all falls apart.
"Kaworu... What is going on? How come Asuka left?" I hear Shinji ask me again, "Was it something I..."
"No." I quickly cut him off before he can finish asking that question, "It was not something you did, nor was it something I did. Asuka left because... well I don't wish to be as harsh as your sister but she left because she is seeing something where nothing needs to be seen and she is not seeing that which does need to be seen. There are some... things that need ironing out, that is why I need you with me."
"I don't... really understand." He answers me but also nods, "But I will go to her with you. I don't want her to be upset or hurt."
"I know you don't." I smile as I reach out and place my hand on top of his, I feel him tense up and wonder if maybe I overstepped a boundary but he soon relaxes, "And neither do I. She is very precious to me Shinji, as are you. I would not wish for either of you to be hurt."
It takes very little time for the car to reach the hotel, for the rest of the journey I feel myself enjoying the warmth and comfort of holding Shinji's hand. Hopefully after tonight that can be a more regular occurrence. The car comes to a stop and we both get out; I thank the driver before moving quickly into the hotel. My chest feels tighter as we step into the lobby, the realization is dawning on me, this is the moment everything will change.
If I mess this up then... what happens to us afterwards? We've all be quiet about our feelings for one another up until now. We've all surely been aware of it but let them remain under the surface. When I put it out into the open then it creates either an opportunity or an awkward situation.
It's an opportunity we can all seize and make work. We can all admit those feelings, and realize they're valid. We can all realize there is a path forward where the three of us can be happy together. Or... we can let it pass us by. We can do nothing and then the situation becomes awkward. By doing this I could destroy the fragile relationships we've built.
Humans like tradition, they like to remain within their comfort zone and for many people, change is something to fear, not embrace. I understand this all too well. Change is frightening and can lead to pain. It can lead to being hurt be it physically or emotionally. Sometimes it feels like it is better to do nothing than to risk doing anything. I felt this when I met Asuka, the change in our relationship going from friendship to being in love. It terrified me because I knew there was no going back should things go wrong.
Asuka and Shinji... they both fear change. They both fear what will happen to them when they move out of their comfort zone. They have both been hurt so much in their lives... I am ashamed to admit that I have been a part of hurting them as well with what I used to be. I am however convinced that they aren't the sort who wouldn't be open minded in this situation, that they would both embrace love.
Yet... I have observed the fickle nature of humanity. I was told time and time again by my former masters how humans could be. I know a lot of that was dressed up to fit their narrative and secure my co-operation but there were elements fo truth within. I know what this race can be like. I know humanity can be wonderful, loving and caring but I know it can be dark, harsh and cruel. I also know that acceptance has its limits for some.
"Kaworu I..." Shinji starts to speak as soon as we enter the elevator. He was mostly quiet for the journey here but I know he has been deep in thought the entire time. Knowing what I do, I expect him to be finding some way to place the blame on himself for Asuka's actions, "Is this... my fault?"
I shake my head, "No Shinji, it is not your fault. You should not blame yourself for this. Asuka's actions are her own, not any fault of mine nor any fault of yours."
"But..."
"No buts Shinji." I quickly cut him off, "You need to cast those thoughts aside, you are blameless tonight. Instead we should focus on supporting Asuka."
The elevator reaches the floor with mine and Asuka's room just as I finish speaking. I quickly step out as soon as the door opens and begin to move down the corridor towards the room. My heart is about ready to burst through my chest as we reach the room and I slide the card into the socket. My hand rests on the handle as I realize this is the moment it all changes, this is the moment we've been waiting for.
"Come with me."
I quickly move past Shinji, giving him no time at all to reply to my instruction hoping that he will just follow me out of the ballroom. As I walk towards the exit, I once again check the text message from Rei, just to make sure she did say what I thought and expected it to say. I glance over my shoulder and see Shinji is indeed following me, good, I need him for this.
We reach the doors leading out onto the street and almost immediately I see Rei waiting for me. Next to her is a car ready to take me and Shinji to the hotel. She spots me and smiles half-heartedly whilst shrugging her shoulders, "It is exactly as you said it would be Nagisa. Asuka left five minutes ago."
I smile back at her, "Thank you for letting me know. I had a feeling this would happen."
"W-What's going on?" I hear Shinji ask from behind me. We both turn to face him and see a confused look on his face, "Did Asuka leave? Why? Is everything okay?"
I put my hand on his shoulder to try to calm him, "Everything is fine Shinji, but we need to back to the hotel."
"Hotel?" He asks, again looking at both myself and Rei in confusion, "Do you want me to wait here whilst you bring her back?"
"No, you have to come with me. I fear that my effort alone will not be enough to bring her back." I again turn to look at Rei, "Thank you for this, truly it does mean a lot."
"I don't understand." Shinji says, "Why did she leave?"
"Asuka left because she is nothing more than an idiot who remains incapable of reading a situation and continues to act without thinking. Not dissimilar to a certain brother of mine." Rei answers with a mild hint of irritation in her voice, "Go with Kaworu to the hotel and bring her back. You can tell her I called her an idiot as well."
I laugh as I thank her once again and begin to make my way towards the car. Shinji seems to hesitate for a moment before Rei tells him to go. For a brief moment I feel bad for not fully explaining what is happening and why Asuka has left, but I feel it is something best left until the three of us are together. I sit myself down on one of the seats in the back of the car, Shinji getting in beside me and I instruct the driver to go to the hotel.
I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as the car pulls away. So far things are going how I expected them to go. I had a feeling Asuka would do something like this, the fear she has of being abandoned winning out over common sense. Her idea that she isn't a good person winning out over the love I have for her and the love Shinji has for her. What this does is give me a chance to prove how I feel... how we all feel for one another and move us forward.
Yet, I have my doubts. I've gone over the moment in my head a few times, thought of key things to say and gestures to make. Questions to ask and answers to give but it could end up being that I am wrong. Perhaps Asuka and Shinji do not feel that way for one another. Perhaps Shinji does not feel that way for me. Perhaps... I would be unable to convince them.
No. This is not the time for that sort of doubt nor that sort of fear. I have to remain confident in my feelings and what is within my heart. If I want us all to be happy like we all can be then I can't doubt myself. If I start to doubt then that is when it all falls apart.
"Kaworu... What is going on? How come Asuka left?" I hear Shinji ask me again, "Was it something I..."
"No." I quickly cut him off before he can finish asking that question, "It was not something you did, nor was it something I did. Asuka left because... well I don't wish to be as harsh as your sister but she left because she is seeing something where nothing needs to be seen and she is not seeing that which does need to be seen. There are some... things that need ironing out, that is why I need you with me."
"I don't... really understand." He answers me but also nods, "But I will go to her with you. I don't want her to be upset or hurt."
"I know you don't." I smile as I reach out and place my hand on top of his, I feel him tense up and wonder if maybe I overstepped a boundary but he soon relaxes, "And neither do I. She is very precious to me Shinji, as are you. I would not wish for either of you to be hurt."
It takes very little time for the car to reach the hotel, for the rest of the journey I feel myself enjoying the warmth and comfort of holding Shinji's hand. Hopefully after tonight that can be a more regular occurrence. The car comes to a stop and we both get out; I thank the driver before moving quickly into the hotel. My chest feels tighter as we step into the lobby, the realization is dawning on me, this is the moment everything will change.
If I mess this up then... what happens to us afterwards? We've all be quiet about our feelings for one another up until now. We've all surely been aware of it but let them remain under the surface. When I put it out into the open then it creates either an opportunity or an awkward situation.
It's an opportunity we can all seize and make work. We can all admit those feelings, and realize they're valid. We can all realize there is a path forward where the three of us can be happy together. Or... we can let it pass us by. We can do nothing and then the situation becomes awkward. By doing this I could destroy the fragile relationships we've built.
Humans like tradition, they like to remain within their comfort zone and for many people, change is something to fear, not embrace. I understand this all too well. Change is frightening and can lead to pain. It can lead to being hurt be it physically or emotionally. Sometimes it feels like it is better to do nothing than to risk doing anything. I felt this when I met Asuka, the change in our relationship going from friendship to being in love. It terrified me because I knew there was no going back should things go wrong.
Asuka and Shinji... they both fear change. They both fear what will happen to them when they move out of their comfort zone. They have both been hurt so much in their lives... I am ashamed to admit that I have been a part of hurting them as well with what I used to be. I am however convinced that they aren't the sort who wouldn't be open minded in this situation, that they would both embrace love.
Yet... I have observed the fickle nature of humanity. I was told time and time again by my former masters how humans could be. I know a lot of that was dressed up to fit their narrative and secure my co-operation but there were elements fo truth within. I know what this race can be like. I know humanity can be wonderful, loving and caring but I know it can be dark, harsh and cruel. I also know that acceptance has its limits for some.
"Kaworu I..." Shinji starts to speak as soon as we enter the elevator. He was mostly quiet for the journey here but I know he has been deep in thought the entire time. Knowing what I do, I expect him to be finding some way to place the blame on himself for Asuka's actions, "Is this... my fault?"
I shake my head, "No Shinji, it is not your fault. You should not blame yourself for this. Asuka's actions are her own, not any fault of mine nor any fault of yours."
"But..."
"No buts Shinji." I quickly cut him off, "You need to cast those thoughts aside, you are blameless tonight. Instead we should focus on supporting Asuka."
The elevator reaches the floor with mine and Asuka's room just as I finish speaking. I quickly step out as soon as the door opens and begin to move down the corridor towards the room. My heart is about ready to burst through my chest as we reach the room and I slide the card into the socket. My hand rests on the handle as I realize this is the moment it all changes, this is the moment we've been waiting for.
- Location
- Canada
Oooh. Down to the wire now, this is really exciting. I have really enjoyed this and all the drama therin. I am sad to see it end but happy that it is reaching a conclusion... very good job @jcmoorehead I am waiting on baited breath for more.
wyatt2996
Need me some WAFF
- Location
- Tidewater, VA
this farm, and the farm down the road.... everything is on the line now, and there is no turning back. it's either going to be a beautiful sunset along the beach... or a horrible dumpster fire in the slums of Tokyo 2.
JennyDracos
Eccentric Hugging Lady
- Location
- Chicago
I dunno about that.
Asuka is bailing from Japan on the grounds of she thinks Shinji and Kaworu would be better off with each other than either would with her. There are a couple factors involved: she loves them both, knows they love each other, and wants them to be happy. She has a history of being very mean to people she loves, Shinji especially, causing them serious pain. She's worried that she'll cheat on Kaworu with Shinji. She also figures that Kaworu will dump her for Shinji, so she wants to dump him first so she doesn't get hurt when he inevitably realizes that the one he loves is Shinji.
And lastly, she's an idiot. Really this is a root cause since it's behind most of the prior ones.
But if Kaworu's wrong and him and Shinji together aren't enough to convince Asuka that they both do love her and they're not going to leave her? If she runs back to Germany and leaves them in Japan?
...It's not impossible that they're betting a farm on this; Shinji and Kaworu might be so hurt by Asuka's betrayal that they fall apart. Similarly, Asuka's just cut herself out of the lives of both of the men she loves, right when she was getting so close. Yeah, farms could be lost.
Or this could wind up a K/S fic.
Asuka is bailing from Japan on the grounds of she thinks Shinji and Kaworu would be better off with each other than either would with her. There are a couple factors involved: she loves them both, knows they love each other, and wants them to be happy. She has a history of being very mean to people she loves, Shinji especially, causing them serious pain. She's worried that she'll cheat on Kaworu with Shinji. She also figures that Kaworu will dump her for Shinji, so she wants to dump him first so she doesn't get hurt when he inevitably realizes that the one he loves is Shinji.
And lastly, she's an idiot. Really this is a root cause since it's behind most of the prior ones.
But if Kaworu's wrong and him and Shinji together aren't enough to convince Asuka that they both do love her and they're not going to leave her? If she runs back to Germany and leaves them in Japan?
...It's not impossible that they're betting a farm on this; Shinji and Kaworu might be so hurt by Asuka's betrayal that they fall apart. Similarly, Asuka's just cut herself out of the lives of both of the men she loves, right when she was getting so close. Yeah, farms could be lost.
Or this could wind up a K/S fic.
- Location
- Canada
There are worse fates you know
JennyDracos
Eccentric Hugging Lady
- Location
- Chicago
Exactly! And I don't mean that in a "this could wind up a Shinji/Misato fic" way - Asuka is running because a) she knows Shinji and Kaworu love each other and b) she thinks she will end up hurting them so she's ensuring she frontloads it.
It's not impossible that she breaks everything with this, that she ruins their relationship by hurting them so bad.
It's more likely that she winds up right; she will hurt them both (and is in fact doing so) but they will be happy together.
And given that Kodama has brought Rei "FUCK YOU ADAM, YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY FRIENDS" Ayanami around to A/S/K?
My only fear is that this means no wardrobe malfunction for Shinji.
It's not impossible that she breaks everything with this, that she ruins their relationship by hurting them so bad.
It's more likely that she winds up right; she will hurt them both (and is in fact doing so) but they will be happy together.
And given that Kodama has brought Rei "FUCK YOU ADAM, YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY FRIENDS" Ayanami around to A/S/K?
My only fear is that this means no wardrobe malfunction for Shinji.
Chapter 27 - Lovers' Leap - 2: Rei Ayanami
- Location
- Edinburgh
Thank you all so much for the comments and kind words so far. I'll say more later but just... it means a lot to see people really enjoying and anticipating these chapters. I won't say anything more but I hope you do enjoy what is to come.
This is a fairly short segment before we get back to the main meal, those parts should come next week.
---
Rei Ayanami
I try to shake off the little feelings of annoyance within me as I watch the car pull away with Shinji and Kaworu in it. Strangely I'm not too annoyed at what Asuka has done, it's more the fact that I was wrong about it. When Kaworu came to me and told me that he expected something like this to happen I was... certain it would not. I was wrong... and I am annoyed that I was wrong.
Pride... it is another human thing that I seem to have inherited over the last few years. Tonight, my pride is somewhat wounded, I was convinced that Asuka would not do such a thing, that perhaps she had changed enough to not repeat a mistake from long ago. It turns out that my friend is both predictable and an idiot. I should really have expected it.
Kaworu saw it coming though, perhaps I should give him more credit than I have done. I was surprised when he came to me earlier today and told me about his expectations for tonight. For someone so... so... Kaworu, I was not expecting him to be as perceptive as he was. It turns out he is full of surprises and the more he surprises me, the more certain I am that the three of them can and will be happy.
"I saw Kaworu and Shinji leaving, is everything okay?"
I turn around to see Kodama standing at the entrance. I quickly move up and wrap my arms around her, greeting her with a kiss. I nod as I look down the road in the direction of the car, "It is fine. Asuka... tried to run away, they are both going after her."
Kodama's smile turns to a concerned frown, she steps out onto the street, "She tried to run? What happened? Should we do anything?"
"No, I think those two will be fine." I quickly answer to reassure her, "Nothing actually happened. It is just Asuka being... Asuka. I think tonight was... a lot for her to take in and drew out a lot of her anxieties again."
Kodama gives me a nod. She already knows the story about Asuka leaving in the past and should have a good idea of just what Asuka can be like. The look of concern does not leave her face though, "What about Kaworu, how is he taking it?"
"Kaworu expected it to happen." Kodama actually looks surprised, I suppose she, much like me, did not expect him to be quite as perceptive as he was, "I was surprised too, but he came to speak to me earlier today. He thoguht she might try to run, so he had me keep an eye on her. He's taken Shinji to speak to her now."
"So is he going to..." Kodama starts to grin, "Well... you know... will the three of them..."
"I hope so." I answer, "Asuka seems to believe Kaworu and Shinji have a stronger bond and that she would only end up hurting Kaworu int he long run because of who she is. Kaworu can... hopefully make her see otherwise. I just hope they don't.... fuck this up."
This is a fairly short segment before we get back to the main meal, those parts should come next week.
---
Rei Ayanami
I try to shake off the little feelings of annoyance within me as I watch the car pull away with Shinji and Kaworu in it. Strangely I'm not too annoyed at what Asuka has done, it's more the fact that I was wrong about it. When Kaworu came to me and told me that he expected something like this to happen I was... certain it would not. I was wrong... and I am annoyed that I was wrong.
Pride... it is another human thing that I seem to have inherited over the last few years. Tonight, my pride is somewhat wounded, I was convinced that Asuka would not do such a thing, that perhaps she had changed enough to not repeat a mistake from long ago. It turns out that my friend is both predictable and an idiot. I should really have expected it.
Kaworu saw it coming though, perhaps I should give him more credit than I have done. I was surprised when he came to me earlier today and told me about his expectations for tonight. For someone so... so... Kaworu, I was not expecting him to be as perceptive as he was. It turns out he is full of surprises and the more he surprises me, the more certain I am that the three of them can and will be happy.
"I saw Kaworu and Shinji leaving, is everything okay?"
I turn around to see Kodama standing at the entrance. I quickly move up and wrap my arms around her, greeting her with a kiss. I nod as I look down the road in the direction of the car, "It is fine. Asuka... tried to run away, they are both going after her."
Kodama's smile turns to a concerned frown, she steps out onto the street, "She tried to run? What happened? Should we do anything?"
"No, I think those two will be fine." I quickly answer to reassure her, "Nothing actually happened. It is just Asuka being... Asuka. I think tonight was... a lot for her to take in and drew out a lot of her anxieties again."
Kodama gives me a nod. She already knows the story about Asuka leaving in the past and should have a good idea of just what Asuka can be like. The look of concern does not leave her face though, "What about Kaworu, how is he taking it?"
"Kaworu expected it to happen." Kodama actually looks surprised, I suppose she, much like me, did not expect him to be quite as perceptive as he was, "I was surprised too, but he came to speak to me earlier today. He thoguht she might try to run, so he had me keep an eye on her. He's taken Shinji to speak to her now."
"So is he going to..." Kodama starts to grin, "Well... you know... will the three of them..."
"I hope so." I answer, "Asuka seems to believe Kaworu and Shinji have a stronger bond and that she would only end up hurting Kaworu int he long run because of who she is. Kaworu can... hopefully make her see otherwise. I just hope they don't.... fuck this up."
- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
I'm just moderately weirded out by Kaworu being the sensible one right now.
- Location
- Canada
He is pretty calm cool and collected once you tie a sturdy belt on him so he does not keep falling and hitting his head.I'm just moderately weirded out by Kaworu being the sensible one right now.
- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
And I forgot to mentionP:
This is a rare Rei double burn, where she smacks two targets at once.
And Rei wants to make sure she knows it.
- Location
- Edinburgh
Kodama: Is it me or does Kaworu seem more confident tonight?
Rei: Indeed, I directed him to a set of braces for his pants. I felt the constant threat might be too much for him.
And I forgot to mentionP: This is a rare Rei double burn, where she smacks two targets at once.
Rei - She is sick of peoples shit, and wants them to know it
Chapter 27 - Lovers' Leap - 3: Kaworu Nagisa
- Location
- Edinburgh
Not much else to say, the train rolls on...
Kaworu Nagisa
I open the door to our room and my mind begins to go over the parallels with this moment and the events of five years ago. I didn't quite understand what I was feeling at the time but I was so very nervous then as well. I knew that as I opened the door to that chamber everything, for better or worse, was going to change. Perhaps my heart didn't quite pound like it is now and my hands weren't as sweaty as they are now but those overwhelming feelings of unease and uncertainty are definitely akin to what I'm feeling now.
Am I doing the right thing?
Us humans... We move in patterns and cycles. The situations and scenarios ahead of us may change but our approach tends to be similar. We play things out in a similar fashion and repeat patterns from before, despite perhaps knowing it may not be the best approach. There does always come a time when we have to break that cycle. For better or worse we need to break the cycles which will of course lead to entering a new one.
Asuka... In a way she is coming full circle tonight. Right now, she is in the process of repeating an action she took many years ago. Running away because of her own fear of abandonment. Escaping because she feels she is unworthy of my love and frightened that she will only hurt others. Together, me and Shinji can stop her from doing this and break this cycle.
Me opening this door, this is an action I took many years ago. I opened a doorway into uncertainty so many years ago and did not know what the consequences would be. I'm doing that now, I know what I want to happen but those little feelings of doubt are creeping in. I know it isn't quite the same, this isn't going to end the world but... it is the end of something and the dawn of something else.
Shinji... I wonder if tonight has perhaps led to him breaking one of his own cycles. He told me that he had some important news for both myself and Asuka. Perhaps that is the breaking of a cycle for him, perhaps that is him moving beyond a pattern he is repeating.
I can see straight into the bedroom as I enter the corridor. Just as I expected, Asuka is stood there and is hastily stuffing her things into one of our cases. I quickly move into the room with Shinji close behind me. Asuka spots me straight away and her body stiffens, her eyes dart from me to Shinji and then back to me, widening with fear as she tightens her grip on the garments in her hand. I would laugh at the situation, eying the bunches of underwear she now drops to the ground but this is serious.
I wonder if the two of them can hear my heart pounding rapidly in my chest or the sound of me swallowing as I try to figure out what to say. I had this all mapped out moments ago but now... it's gone.
"Go away." She hisses angrily at the pair of us."
"No." I state as firmly as I can, standing my ground and hoping that Shinji is still behind me, "You're not leaving Asuka."
"I will do what I want to do." She snaps back, slamming the case lid down, "Now both of you, go away."
"No." I repeat as I take another step towards the bed, she shoots me a glare that stops me in my tracks and I suddenly realize something. I don't know what to do if she does try to leave. I can't exactly grab hold of her and restrain her nor would I expect Shinji to do the same. I cannot force her to do something here, so I have to say the right things and... I have to say it quickly, "I know why you're leaving Asuka and... You don't have to leave... Please, don't hurt yourself like this."
"You know why I'm leaving?" Hah, well isn't Angel-boy perceptive all of a sudden?" She tries to add some venom to her voice this time but I can hear the lack of meaning underneath it. I ignore the weak attempt to insult me, "Well then you should know that I'm doing this for you! I'm doing this so that you can be happy! Both of you you're... better off without me."
"Asuka you know that isn't true!" I answer her back, "I love you... You leaving wouldn't make me happy."
"I... don't want you to leave either Asuka." I hear Shinji speaking from behind me. Hearing his voices surprises me but also fills me full of relief, I am so thankful that he has found his voice, "You... shouldn't leave... I know what you're going through... I..."
"You have no idea what I'm going through Shinji! You-"
"Yes! I do!" Shinji interrupts her raising his voice, which catches both me and her off guard, I remain silent as I listen to him continue, "You're scared of hurting us because you've hurt people in the past! You're scared of letting yourself be loved because you think people will just betray you or abandon you! You think you should be left all alone because you're worthless! You're the same as me Asuka! You know this and you know fine well none of it is true!"
I remain silent as I look at the look of recognition on her face and then back to the emotion on Shinji's face.
"I want to run away from everything as well Asuka... I was terrified of what would happen when I saw the two of you step off that plane. I was terrified of what would happen when I spoke to you again. I was terrified of tonight because I thought one person in that audience would know the truth about who I was and what I had done. I'm always scared of myself, of people I don't know and the people I do know. I'm frightened all the time and I hate it."
"Shinji, you ha-"
"I hate it all just like you probably do! It's tiring, sometimes I'm exhausted in the middle of the day just because of it all! I hate feeling it so much and want to change it but running away isn't the answer and our past doesn't dictate who we are now and who we will be. Deep down I know... I deserve friends and I deserve to be loved!"
I had no idea all of this was within Shinji's heart, nor did I think he was capable of expressing it like this. His words are... inspirational and I suppress smiling at hearing the passion within him. Shinji is a truly wonderful man, amazing. I look towards Asuka and see her trying to form some sort of response to what he has said. I take this as my time to jump in.
"Asuka I... I know you're scared of hurting me in the future and I know you're scared of me hurting you in some way. I understand that because I'm frightened of those things too, I don't want to be abandoned and alone but I know it's just fear speaking and not reality." I take a deep breath, "We're all scared of the same thing Asuka, we're all thinking and feeling the same things but... don't you two see. None of us have to be left behind, there is a bond between us all... a chance that we can... we can seize."
The two of them remain silent as I say those words, pretty much as I expected them to. I can see them both thinking about it but neither of them wanting to ask me what I meant. Instead they just exchange glances.
"Shinji... Can I ask you something, please... be honest with me. Do you love Asuka?" Shinji looks at Asuka and I see the spark between them as their eyes meet. He turns to me again and I simply nod my head, "Don't worry about hurting me Shinji, be honest."
"Yes, I do." He answers me immediately.
I nod again and feel some relief at his admission, "Asuka... I ask you the same thing. Do you love Shinji? Again... be honest."
"Hah, love Shinji? You must be-" I narrow my eyes at her as she begins her bravado led tired, she instantly stops at the sight of the glare I give her and the look of hurt on Shinji's face, "Okay I... yes but-"
"Say nothing else!" I quickly stop her, "You do love me as well though, don't you?"
She nods her head, "Yes, I do."
I now look at Shinji again, "Shinji... How do you feel about me? Again, please be honest. I know that there are circumstances that might make it awkward but... be honest."
"I love you." He answers almost instantly, surprisingly so. I didn't quite expect him to be so honest and upfront.
"Okay and... I love both of you as well." I add, So... don't the two of you see? We can... all be together, the three of us. If we all love each other then... shouldn't we allow that to happen? Allow ourselves to be together?"
"You mean... all three of us in the same relationship?" Asuka looks at me, with some disbelief on her face.
"Yes." I nod, "Exactly that!"
"But that... isn't normal Kaworu!" She offers somewhat weakly.
"Asuka... I'm technically a clone of an entity that was sent to this planet millions upon millions of years ago by some ancestral race by a race of beings that doesn't exist anymore. I was raised in isolation by the leader of a cult whose aim was to reduce humanity to nothing and force their own evolution because of some misguided belief that this wonderful species had reached its peak. What 'normal' might be, I have never known it nor have I ever needed it." I answer her with a simple shrug, "I am in love with the two of you, and that feeling is amazing. I don't care if it isn't 'normal', to hell with normal, if we are happy then... who cares?"
Her eyes lower to the ground and then over to Shinji, "What about you... what do you think?"
"I... Asuka is right Kaworu... it isn't normal." Shinji answers her, "But you're right too... You've never known normal and neither have we. Those things that happened to us, the things we had to face... it wasn't normal but it all happened. This might not be normal but I'd... much rather be happen then not."
Once again, our eyes go towards Asuka and await her response. She has one hand on the suitcase and another down by her side. I watch as she continuously clenches it into a fist and unclenches it a number of times before nodding, "I need... this is a lot to take in... the two fo you? I... I mean I'd just have two people to hurt! You both know... Shinji, you know better than anything what I'm like... I..."
"Asuka! That was five years ago!" Shinji cuts her off with his voice raised again, "Stop being such an idiot about it! You're not that girl anymore and that was... that was never really who you were. You're a kind person... You're compassionate and you push us to be better. I know who the real you is and it isn't who you keep saying it is!"
"Kaworu..."
I shake my head, "Shinji is right. Remember how the night you met me? Remember how you were when I got attacked? Remember what you told me about the children's wards, the donations and signed copies for free? That's the Asuka I know and there is no trace of this person you keep talking about. There never has been and I don't think that person exists."
Silence falls again as we await her response, I continue to take deep breaths, my heart still pounding but my thoughts clearer. I look towards Asuka and see the emotion in her eyes, I see the faint form of tears in the corners and her rapid blinking as she tries to force them away. I was right, this is the moment, just a little bit more.
Kaworu Nagisa
I open the door to our room and my mind begins to go over the parallels with this moment and the events of five years ago. I didn't quite understand what I was feeling at the time but I was so very nervous then as well. I knew that as I opened the door to that chamber everything, for better or worse, was going to change. Perhaps my heart didn't quite pound like it is now and my hands weren't as sweaty as they are now but those overwhelming feelings of unease and uncertainty are definitely akin to what I'm feeling now.
Am I doing the right thing?
Us humans... We move in patterns and cycles. The situations and scenarios ahead of us may change but our approach tends to be similar. We play things out in a similar fashion and repeat patterns from before, despite perhaps knowing it may not be the best approach. There does always come a time when we have to break that cycle. For better or worse we need to break the cycles which will of course lead to entering a new one.
Asuka... In a way she is coming full circle tonight. Right now, she is in the process of repeating an action she took many years ago. Running away because of her own fear of abandonment. Escaping because she feels she is unworthy of my love and frightened that she will only hurt others. Together, me and Shinji can stop her from doing this and break this cycle.
Me opening this door, this is an action I took many years ago. I opened a doorway into uncertainty so many years ago and did not know what the consequences would be. I'm doing that now, I know what I want to happen but those little feelings of doubt are creeping in. I know it isn't quite the same, this isn't going to end the world but... it is the end of something and the dawn of something else.
Shinji... I wonder if tonight has perhaps led to him breaking one of his own cycles. He told me that he had some important news for both myself and Asuka. Perhaps that is the breaking of a cycle for him, perhaps that is him moving beyond a pattern he is repeating.
I can see straight into the bedroom as I enter the corridor. Just as I expected, Asuka is stood there and is hastily stuffing her things into one of our cases. I quickly move into the room with Shinji close behind me. Asuka spots me straight away and her body stiffens, her eyes dart from me to Shinji and then back to me, widening with fear as she tightens her grip on the garments in her hand. I would laugh at the situation, eying the bunches of underwear she now drops to the ground but this is serious.
I wonder if the two of them can hear my heart pounding rapidly in my chest or the sound of me swallowing as I try to figure out what to say. I had this all mapped out moments ago but now... it's gone.
"Go away." She hisses angrily at the pair of us."
"No." I state as firmly as I can, standing my ground and hoping that Shinji is still behind me, "You're not leaving Asuka."
"I will do what I want to do." She snaps back, slamming the case lid down, "Now both of you, go away."
"No." I repeat as I take another step towards the bed, she shoots me a glare that stops me in my tracks and I suddenly realize something. I don't know what to do if she does try to leave. I can't exactly grab hold of her and restrain her nor would I expect Shinji to do the same. I cannot force her to do something here, so I have to say the right things and... I have to say it quickly, "I know why you're leaving Asuka and... You don't have to leave... Please, don't hurt yourself like this."
"You know why I'm leaving?" Hah, well isn't Angel-boy perceptive all of a sudden?" She tries to add some venom to her voice this time but I can hear the lack of meaning underneath it. I ignore the weak attempt to insult me, "Well then you should know that I'm doing this for you! I'm doing this so that you can be happy! Both of you you're... better off without me."
"Asuka you know that isn't true!" I answer her back, "I love you... You leaving wouldn't make me happy."
"I... don't want you to leave either Asuka." I hear Shinji speaking from behind me. Hearing his voices surprises me but also fills me full of relief, I am so thankful that he has found his voice, "You... shouldn't leave... I know what you're going through... I..."
"You have no idea what I'm going through Shinji! You-"
"Yes! I do!" Shinji interrupts her raising his voice, which catches both me and her off guard, I remain silent as I listen to him continue, "You're scared of hurting us because you've hurt people in the past! You're scared of letting yourself be loved because you think people will just betray you or abandon you! You think you should be left all alone because you're worthless! You're the same as me Asuka! You know this and you know fine well none of it is true!"
I remain silent as I look at the look of recognition on her face and then back to the emotion on Shinji's face.
"I want to run away from everything as well Asuka... I was terrified of what would happen when I saw the two of you step off that plane. I was terrified of what would happen when I spoke to you again. I was terrified of tonight because I thought one person in that audience would know the truth about who I was and what I had done. I'm always scared of myself, of people I don't know and the people I do know. I'm frightened all the time and I hate it."
"Shinji, you ha-"
"I hate it all just like you probably do! It's tiring, sometimes I'm exhausted in the middle of the day just because of it all! I hate feeling it so much and want to change it but running away isn't the answer and our past doesn't dictate who we are now and who we will be. Deep down I know... I deserve friends and I deserve to be loved!"
I had no idea all of this was within Shinji's heart, nor did I think he was capable of expressing it like this. His words are... inspirational and I suppress smiling at hearing the passion within him. Shinji is a truly wonderful man, amazing. I look towards Asuka and see her trying to form some sort of response to what he has said. I take this as my time to jump in.
"Asuka I... I know you're scared of hurting me in the future and I know you're scared of me hurting you in some way. I understand that because I'm frightened of those things too, I don't want to be abandoned and alone but I know it's just fear speaking and not reality." I take a deep breath, "We're all scared of the same thing Asuka, we're all thinking and feeling the same things but... don't you two see. None of us have to be left behind, there is a bond between us all... a chance that we can... we can seize."
The two of them remain silent as I say those words, pretty much as I expected them to. I can see them both thinking about it but neither of them wanting to ask me what I meant. Instead they just exchange glances.
"Shinji... Can I ask you something, please... be honest with me. Do you love Asuka?" Shinji looks at Asuka and I see the spark between them as their eyes meet. He turns to me again and I simply nod my head, "Don't worry about hurting me Shinji, be honest."
"Yes, I do." He answers me immediately.
I nod again and feel some relief at his admission, "Asuka... I ask you the same thing. Do you love Shinji? Again... be honest."
"Hah, love Shinji? You must be-" I narrow my eyes at her as she begins her bravado led tired, she instantly stops at the sight of the glare I give her and the look of hurt on Shinji's face, "Okay I... yes but-"
"Say nothing else!" I quickly stop her, "You do love me as well though, don't you?"
She nods her head, "Yes, I do."
I now look at Shinji again, "Shinji... How do you feel about me? Again, please be honest. I know that there are circumstances that might make it awkward but... be honest."
"I love you." He answers almost instantly, surprisingly so. I didn't quite expect him to be so honest and upfront.
"Okay and... I love both of you as well." I add, So... don't the two of you see? We can... all be together, the three of us. If we all love each other then... shouldn't we allow that to happen? Allow ourselves to be together?"
"You mean... all three of us in the same relationship?" Asuka looks at me, with some disbelief on her face.
"Yes." I nod, "Exactly that!"
"But that... isn't normal Kaworu!" She offers somewhat weakly.
"Asuka... I'm technically a clone of an entity that was sent to this planet millions upon millions of years ago by some ancestral race by a race of beings that doesn't exist anymore. I was raised in isolation by the leader of a cult whose aim was to reduce humanity to nothing and force their own evolution because of some misguided belief that this wonderful species had reached its peak. What 'normal' might be, I have never known it nor have I ever needed it." I answer her with a simple shrug, "I am in love with the two of you, and that feeling is amazing. I don't care if it isn't 'normal', to hell with normal, if we are happy then... who cares?"
Her eyes lower to the ground and then over to Shinji, "What about you... what do you think?"
"I... Asuka is right Kaworu... it isn't normal." Shinji answers her, "But you're right too... You've never known normal and neither have we. Those things that happened to us, the things we had to face... it wasn't normal but it all happened. This might not be normal but I'd... much rather be happen then not."
Once again, our eyes go towards Asuka and await her response. She has one hand on the suitcase and another down by her side. I watch as she continuously clenches it into a fist and unclenches it a number of times before nodding, "I need... this is a lot to take in... the two fo you? I... I mean I'd just have two people to hurt! You both know... Shinji, you know better than anything what I'm like... I..."
"Asuka! That was five years ago!" Shinji cuts her off with his voice raised again, "Stop being such an idiot about it! You're not that girl anymore and that was... that was never really who you were. You're a kind person... You're compassionate and you push us to be better. I know who the real you is and it isn't who you keep saying it is!"
"Kaworu..."
I shake my head, "Shinji is right. Remember how the night you met me? Remember how you were when I got attacked? Remember what you told me about the children's wards, the donations and signed copies for free? That's the Asuka I know and there is no trace of this person you keep talking about. There never has been and I don't think that person exists."
Silence falls again as we await her response, I continue to take deep breaths, my heart still pounding but my thoughts clearer. I look towards Asuka and see the emotion in her eyes, I see the faint form of tears in the corners and her rapid blinking as she tries to force them away. I was right, this is the moment, just a little bit more.