Bond Breaker (SI - Multiverse Cross)
- Thread starter shadenight123
- Start date
DittoDammit, I'm willing to read through and pretty sure my grasp of the language should be enough, but not sure if I can point out stuff to your satisfaction.
45
- Location
- https://discord.gg/z9tBvbh
Chapter Forty-Four
Hinata was sniffling, arms around her knees, her back against the wall, in a corner of the tower.
I floated next to her, scratching the back of my head and grimacing.
The one thing the show never 'showed' was cry-baby Hinata. Well, apparently she could sniffle, and cry, and press her face against the back of her knees and tremble as she tried her hardest to look like a small tiny mouse half-drowned and half-cold, all shivering and making you just feel utterly horrible for reducing her in such a state.
I did feel horrible.
"When you're done sniveling you pathetic excuse of a human being," I snarled, "it's time you grow up a spine and start listening to me!"
But Hinata was a new element. And if 'trust' was the problem, then I could not let her 'trust' me.
Not before I saw how Naruto was doing, and if he needed a hand.
I'd leave it to Naruto to 'uplift' Hinata after 'First Contact'.
...
And thankfully this wasn't a Science-Fiction story with aliens uplifting humans.
Hinata wiped away her tears, and looked up to me.
"I'm Shade," I said, "Not Hikage, not Shad, not Shaid, Shade. S-H-A-D-E, and-" I took a deep breath, the more she cried the harder it was, but I had no choice. "You're pathetic," I said bluntly. "And I'm here to make sure you stop being pathetic."
Hinata winced at my tone, and inwardly, I really didn't feel all that good. Jane really was right.
But so was I.
There was no choice.
"So here's how it's going to work," I said quietly as I crossed my arms over my chest. "You'll have to grow a Hate-Bone."
Hinata blinked, and stared at me.
"You're not weak, by yourself," I added. "But you lack motivation. You lack a reason to hurt, to harm, to hit. You're a meek and sorry excuse of a ninja. You could be a great librarian, or a florist, but you're stuck being a ninja, a Hyuga, and for that, you need a Hate-Bone."
I cracked my knuckles. "You need disgust, and resentment, and hatred so rich and pure it will make people uncomfortable just by being in your presence. And you need cruelty. A lot of it."
Hinata shook her head. "I don't want that," she murmured.
"You think being kind means something?" I snarled and raised an eyebrow. It didn't matter if I turned Hinata in cookie-evil. Naruto's 'punch of become Good' worked way too well even for my tastes. "You think kindness in this world means something? Uh? I'm talking to you! Look into my eyes when I'm talking!" I roared, and Hinata fearfully did so.
I softened my expression up, "Look, kid," I whispered. "You've got a shitty life right now, right? Your father doesn't like you. Your sister hates you. Your cousin wants you dead. You're considered a failure by everyone and your teacher pities you. Yes, she has pity for you. Your teammates are going to go places, and you'll be stuck, forever, as the third wheel. Or you can change that," I said calmly. "you can change all of that and become strong, stronger than them all. Don't you want that? Don't you want to be strong, stronger than your cousin, your father, your friends and everyone around you?"
I clenched my right fist. "Do you want strength? The strength to say what you want to who you want? The strength to go right up to the one you admire and tell him what you want? Do you want the strength to no longer be known as the failure of the Hyuga clan? Do you want it, uh? Do you want STRENGTH, or do you want to CRY AND WHINE AND WAIL until nothing remains but your corpse on the ground dried by tears!? WHAT DO YOU WANT!?"
Hinata whimpered as I looked at my own hand. Strength.
I needed strength.
I could cry and whine all I wanted about my fate, but at the end of the day, I needed strength for myself.
"So?" I hissed at Hinata. "What will it be? Tears or strength?"
"S-S-Stren-"
"Louder!" I snarled.
"S-Stre-Strength."
"LOUDER!"
"Strength."
"LOUDER YOU FILTHY MAGGOT! IF I TELL YOU LOUDER I WANT TO HEAR YOU SCREAM IT LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW! NO SHAME! NO DOUBT! NO WORRY! SCREAM! SCREAM! SCREEEAAAMM!"
"Strength!"
"I. SAID. LOUDER!"
"STRENGTH!"
"And fist-pump!" I snarled, lifting my right fist and mimicking the motion.
Hinata followed the motion, standing up from her corner of despair and sadness.
I nodded. "Good! Now clear your ears and listen well!"
I floated down, near her, and slammed my right hand straight through her chest -I hadn't wanted to do that, of course, but I overreached.
"There are MEN and there are WOMEN and then there are PANSIES. You're not a pansy, are you!?"
Hinata meekly nodded, stopped mid-motion, and quickly shook her head.
"I WANT TO HEAR YOU SCREAM IT!"
"N-No!"
"IT'S NO?! You're NOT A PANSY?! YELL IT!"
"I-I'm n-not a pan-pansy."
"Is that screaming?" I asked flatly, my throat coarse. "Well? Hinata Hyuga, is that screaming?"
Hinata flushed scarlet, and clenched her fists.
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes hard, and then yelled.
"I'M NOT A PANSY!"
"Wow, Hinata," Kiba said shocked from around the corridor, "Teacher Yuhi wanted me to check on you, but well-woah, what's going on?"
"He can't see me," I said offhandedly, "AND DON'T YOU DARE RETREAT BEHIND YOUR TURTLE-NECK!"
Hinata nearly jumped on herself.
"CHIN UP!" I snarled.
Hinata trembled as she did that.
"I'm doing exercises to fight my fears," I hissed. "Tell him that. Now! And no stuttering!"
"I'm...I'm..." Hinata began.
"Am I talking in some strange language now?" I asked her, and I knew she was on the verge of tears, I knew she was on the verge of breaking into tiny little pieces of panic and shock and she'd crumple on the ground and just lay down for a while, but I couldn't allow that.
I wouldn't allow that.
"I'm going to keep on screaming for as long as you won't," I told her, my voice soft and pleasant as I smiled. "You want me to scream? Or you want me to speak?"
Threats always worked.
Well, no, not always, and it depended on the person.
With Hinata, they actually worked.
"I'm DOING EXERCISES TO FIGHT MY FEARS!" Hinata yelled out loud.
"Yeah, ack, I heard that!" Kiba exclaimed. "You sound like that bushy brow freak when you scream like that!"
"YOSH!" I said.
"YOSH!" Hinata exclaimed, mimicking me.
That...
That was heartwarming-levels of cute.
I couldn't help but start laughing at that, holding my sides.
And Hinata followed, scared senseless.
And I laughed harder.
And Hinata laughed harder.
There was Kiba, watching a Hinata who was doing the best to imitate my laughter, out of nowhere, for no reason, and...
And suddenly Kiba laughed too.
"That was an imitation! Man, Hinata! I didn't know you had it in you! It was nearly perfect!"
And it was ironic.
Because Hinata was laughing out of fear.
Fear of me.
But it is easier to be feared than to be loved, and the more she hated me, or disliked me, the easier it would be to-
Ka-chink.
Oh, fuck it Hinata. I don't want to verbally abuse you each passing moment, but you're not making my job easy if you need only this little approval from Kiba of all people to reconsider 'how good' I am.
You really are bringing this on yourself, you know?
//Things are stable. What could possibly go wrong now? Everything's stable. You just jinxed us all to a horrible, horrible death, and for that, Unit Two, I hate you with all my being.
Hinata was sniffling, arms around her knees, her back against the wall, in a corner of the tower.
I floated next to her, scratching the back of my head and grimacing.
The one thing the show never 'showed' was cry-baby Hinata. Well, apparently she could sniffle, and cry, and press her face against the back of her knees and tremble as she tried her hardest to look like a small tiny mouse half-drowned and half-cold, all shivering and making you just feel utterly horrible for reducing her in such a state.
I did feel horrible.
"When you're done sniveling you pathetic excuse of a human being," I snarled, "it's time you grow up a spine and start listening to me!"
But Hinata was a new element. And if 'trust' was the problem, then I could not let her 'trust' me.
Not before I saw how Naruto was doing, and if he needed a hand.
I'd leave it to Naruto to 'uplift' Hinata after 'First Contact'.
...
And thankfully this wasn't a Science-Fiction story with aliens uplifting humans.
Hinata wiped away her tears, and looked up to me.
"I'm Shade," I said, "Not Hikage, not Shad, not Shaid, Shade. S-H-A-D-E, and-" I took a deep breath, the more she cried the harder it was, but I had no choice. "You're pathetic," I said bluntly. "And I'm here to make sure you stop being pathetic."
Hinata winced at my tone, and inwardly, I really didn't feel all that good. Jane really was right.
But so was I.
There was no choice.
"So here's how it's going to work," I said quietly as I crossed my arms over my chest. "You'll have to grow a Hate-Bone."
Hinata blinked, and stared at me.
"You're not weak, by yourself," I added. "But you lack motivation. You lack a reason to hurt, to harm, to hit. You're a meek and sorry excuse of a ninja. You could be a great librarian, or a florist, but you're stuck being a ninja, a Hyuga, and for that, you need a Hate-Bone."
I cracked my knuckles. "You need disgust, and resentment, and hatred so rich and pure it will make people uncomfortable just by being in your presence. And you need cruelty. A lot of it."
Hinata shook her head. "I don't want that," she murmured.
"You think being kind means something?" I snarled and raised an eyebrow. It didn't matter if I turned Hinata in cookie-evil. Naruto's 'punch of become Good' worked way too well even for my tastes. "You think kindness in this world means something? Uh? I'm talking to you! Look into my eyes when I'm talking!" I roared, and Hinata fearfully did so.
I softened my expression up, "Look, kid," I whispered. "You've got a shitty life right now, right? Your father doesn't like you. Your sister hates you. Your cousin wants you dead. You're considered a failure by everyone and your teacher pities you. Yes, she has pity for you. Your teammates are going to go places, and you'll be stuck, forever, as the third wheel. Or you can change that," I said calmly. "you can change all of that and become strong, stronger than them all. Don't you want that? Don't you want to be strong, stronger than your cousin, your father, your friends and everyone around you?"
I clenched my right fist. "Do you want strength? The strength to say what you want to who you want? The strength to go right up to the one you admire and tell him what you want? Do you want the strength to no longer be known as the failure of the Hyuga clan? Do you want it, uh? Do you want STRENGTH, or do you want to CRY AND WHINE AND WAIL until nothing remains but your corpse on the ground dried by tears!? WHAT DO YOU WANT!?"
Hinata whimpered as I looked at my own hand. Strength.
I needed strength.
I could cry and whine all I wanted about my fate, but at the end of the day, I needed strength for myself.
"So?" I hissed at Hinata. "What will it be? Tears or strength?"
"S-S-Stren-"
"Louder!" I snarled.
"S-Stre-Strength."
"LOUDER!"
"Strength."
"LOUDER YOU FILTHY MAGGOT! IF I TELL YOU LOUDER I WANT TO HEAR YOU SCREAM IT LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW! NO SHAME! NO DOUBT! NO WORRY! SCREAM! SCREAM! SCREEEAAAMM!"
"Strength!"
"I. SAID. LOUDER!"
"STRENGTH!"
"And fist-pump!" I snarled, lifting my right fist and mimicking the motion.
Hinata followed the motion, standing up from her corner of despair and sadness.
I nodded. "Good! Now clear your ears and listen well!"
I floated down, near her, and slammed my right hand straight through her chest -I hadn't wanted to do that, of course, but I overreached.
"There are MEN and there are WOMEN and then there are PANSIES. You're not a pansy, are you!?"
Hinata meekly nodded, stopped mid-motion, and quickly shook her head.
"I WANT TO HEAR YOU SCREAM IT!"
"N-No!"
"IT'S NO?! You're NOT A PANSY?! YELL IT!"
"I-I'm n-not a pan-pansy."
"Is that screaming?" I asked flatly, my throat coarse. "Well? Hinata Hyuga, is that screaming?"
Hinata flushed scarlet, and clenched her fists.
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes hard, and then yelled.
"I'M NOT A PANSY!"
"Wow, Hinata," Kiba said shocked from around the corridor, "Teacher Yuhi wanted me to check on you, but well-woah, what's going on?"
"He can't see me," I said offhandedly, "AND DON'T YOU DARE RETREAT BEHIND YOUR TURTLE-NECK!"
Hinata nearly jumped on herself.
"CHIN UP!" I snarled.
Hinata trembled as she did that.
"I'm doing exercises to fight my fears," I hissed. "Tell him that. Now! And no stuttering!"
"I'm...I'm..." Hinata began.
"Am I talking in some strange language now?" I asked her, and I knew she was on the verge of tears, I knew she was on the verge of breaking into tiny little pieces of panic and shock and she'd crumple on the ground and just lay down for a while, but I couldn't allow that.
I wouldn't allow that.
"I'm going to keep on screaming for as long as you won't," I told her, my voice soft and pleasant as I smiled. "You want me to scream? Or you want me to speak?"
Threats always worked.
Well, no, not always, and it depended on the person.
With Hinata, they actually worked.
"I'm DOING EXERCISES TO FIGHT MY FEARS!" Hinata yelled out loud.
"Yeah, ack, I heard that!" Kiba exclaimed. "You sound like that bushy brow freak when you scream like that!"
"YOSH!" I said.
"YOSH!" Hinata exclaimed, mimicking me.
That...
That was heartwarming-levels of cute.
I couldn't help but start laughing at that, holding my sides.
And Hinata followed, scared senseless.
And I laughed harder.
And Hinata laughed harder.
There was Kiba, watching a Hinata who was doing the best to imitate my laughter, out of nowhere, for no reason, and...
And suddenly Kiba laughed too.
"That was an imitation! Man, Hinata! I didn't know you had it in you! It was nearly perfect!"
And it was ironic.
Because Hinata was laughing out of fear.
Fear of me.
But it is easier to be feared than to be loved, and the more she hated me, or disliked me, the easier it would be to-
Ka-chink.
Oh, fuck it Hinata. I don't want to verbally abuse you each passing moment, but you're not making my job easy if you need only this little approval from Kiba of all people to reconsider 'how good' I am.
You really are bringing this on yourself, you know?
//Things are stable. What could possibly go wrong now? Everything's stable. You just jinxed us all to a horrible, horrible death, and for that, Unit Two, I hate you with all my being.
- Location
- https://discord.gg/z9tBvbh
Dammit, I'm willing to read through and pretty sure my grasp of the language should be enough, but not sure if I can point out stuff to your satisfaction.
Do you prefer PDF, EPUB, MOBI or what other format for ease of reading?
*Notice, I'm not asking you to give me a proofreading experience, I'm asking you to give me 'Was it pleasant to read? Was it shit? Were there some pieces you felt didn't 'cinch' with the rest?' and so forth.
I can offer my "vast experience" in reading English "literature" to give an "unbiased opinion".
Giygas
Cutest Sawk i could find. Lucario is a nice extra.
The third voice is genre savvy. Shade, you are doomed to happiness and SunShine.
Happiness and Sunshine! Unfortunately you will find them in Pop Land, which is attacked by random world corrupting/destroying/conquering monsters every month.
Good Luck Shade. Remember to hug Kirby! He is cute and soft.
Happiness and Sunshine! Unfortunately you will find them in Pop Land, which is attacked by random world corrupting/destroying/conquering monsters every month.
Good Luck Shade. Remember to hug Kirby! He is cute and soft.
- Location
- https://discord.gg/z9tBvbh
As above, so below.
Pdf, Epub, mobi...which format do you prefer?
Pdf would be best.
jackblack
"I LIEK CHOCOLATE MILK"
Oh God, Shade...What you are doing there is pretty much coldhearted, and tbh Hinata mimicking the laughter out of fear is pretty dark humour, borderline sad.
You certainly don't give a crap about mainstream, though this is still tame compared to your other works (Introverted; darker than the deepest pits of hell).
I like it! Drill Seargent Shade FTW!
Stay classy and good luck with your other work!
You certainly don't give a crap about mainstream, though this is still tame compared to your other works (Introverted; darker than the deepest pits of hell).
I like it! Drill Seargent Shade FTW!
Stay classy and good luck with your other work!
Mizu
Software Developer
- Location
- Victoria, Australia
This is somewhat depressing. I tend to like Hinata as a character, so seeing Shade pummel her emotionally isn't the most fun to read. I get the reasoning behind it, but that doesn't make it less painful
That said, my personal reason for liking Hinata would be her personality. I honestly didn't know of her breast size when I first decided to like her, and frankly don't care now.
That said, my personal reason for liking Hinata would be her personality. I honestly didn't know of her breast size when I first decided to like her, and frankly don't care now.
AckermannFxn
Muffins?
- Location
- East USA-ish
I personally prefer ePub, but I think that's just because it's the first mobile format I really used - that allows for resizing rather than being fixed width like pdfs.
I prefer pdfs in this case. So if my meager skills are to your satisfaction, I'll give it a try.
John Masaki
The Guy With the Lightsaber
- Location
- Atlantis
Well, that escalated quickly. I'm strangely horrified and fascinated with this particular SI. Mostly because I can't do angst very well. I'm too happy-go-lucky that way. I suspect we'll be lucky if the universes don't blow up or merge or something...
PDF is fine, if you can also send MOBI it would be nice.
Poor Hinata, Y U TERRORIZE MAI WAIFU!
Odd I have the opposite reaction.
He's a regular person being forced into this position and isn't taking it very well.
Its not a matter of if he goes of the deep end but when.
Alphaleph
The Firstiest of First
PDF then.
Silver W. King
King of Adventures
- Location
- The Nasuverse
Wow, that's...
I did not see that coming. Yeah, things were tough, but for a while it looked like Shade was slowly going to be okay again.
Then ME happened. Damn.
But I think I can understand, maybe a little on why he might have withheld info. If you one day make a character and give them a backstory of the dark an grim variety, you wouldn't be easy telling them every cause about what happened to them, as you would feel a bit of shame since you are responsible for it. "I made you life shitty because it made your story sound more interesting." Isn't something you can say.
And when he tried to manipulate things to go his way, Jane called him out on it.
Although this poses an interesting question. If you guys found yourself in Shades place, but substitute ME and Jane with a world and a character you had a heavy hand in the creation their personal history, what would you do? how would you react?
I did not see that coming. Yeah, things were tough, but for a while it looked like Shade was slowly going to be okay again.
Then ME happened. Damn.
But I think I can understand, maybe a little on why he might have withheld info. If you one day make a character and give them a backstory of the dark an grim variety, you wouldn't be easy telling them every cause about what happened to them, as you would feel a bit of shame since you are responsible for it. "I made you life shitty because it made your story sound more interesting." Isn't something you can say.
And when he tried to manipulate things to go his way, Jane called him out on it.
Although this poses an interesting question. If you guys found yourself in Shades place, but substitute ME and Jane with a world and a character you had a heavy hand in the creation their personal history, what would you do? how would you react?
"I didn't know. So how is it my fault?"
It be like learning that every entity I killed in video games actually had a personality and a life.
Would I feel bad, somewhat.
But ultimately I had no knowledge that my actions were causing this... no one did.
I would probably work to distance myself with the characters, delude myself into believing they aren't 'truly real' in order to avoid feeling any sense of responsibility.
Of course with that knowledge, my future actions in any medium of fiction would be carefully considered in order to avoid a repeat.
At least I'd like to think I would react that way.
Chargone
Invisable operator
- Location
- New Zealand
... admittedly, I'm kinda broken in some ways, but, i'd honestly be fairly indifferent. Maybe apologize and explain, maybe try to make it up to them, but if they got all pissy about it i'd probably wander off, or get in an argument about it before storming off, depending exactly how it went.
I don't generally do apologies or guilt. I do the best i can with what I've got and know. If the outcome was poor i try to fix it. If i can't fix it, well, it's not like i deliberately Chose the horrible/stupid option, no useuse worrying about it.
Doesn't help that, in my experience, apologizing just leands to the other person dragging you through the whole stupid argument again. Or being held responsible for stuff that wasn't your fault.
(Snip beginings of pet rant)
I don't generally do apologies or guilt. I do the best i can with what I've got and know. If the outcome was poor i try to fix it. If i can't fix it, well, it's not like i deliberately Chose the horrible/stupid option, no useuse worrying about it.
Doesn't help that, in my experience, apologizing just leands to the other person dragging you through the whole stupid argument again. Or being held responsible for stuff that wasn't your fault.
(Snip beginings of pet rant)