Memory of Himeko: Kiss From A Rose
Queen Fiona
Am I good enough for your heaven?
- Location
- The Throne of Want
- Pronouns
- She/Her
You stumble, in the darkness, as you walk through the Underground.
You're not sure where you are. Carrying everything you've chosen not to leave behind with you, your weak body can barely hold on. You…you can't eat yet, you can't stop, you…
you can't.
you just can't.
You don't know how to protect yourself. Even if…even if your friends were friendly, you're scared, you're so scared, that if you stop, you'll get hurt, you'll not be able to -
you can't stop.
And so you walk, on and on, through harsh lights, through odd smells, through the eyes of the market stalls and huddled crowds and spaces and everything else, being watched, you know they know you don't belong here, but if you can just find…
if you can just find that symbol, maybe, someone will help you.
Part of you wants to run away. To return. To live on the surface, and forget about all of this. About being Himeko, about the Goddess and Adversary, about the Order, about the dreams that you've been filled with when you first learned of such love. You'd be comfortable, after all. You'd be safe, you'd be fed. So long as you lied to yourself about what you were…
…no.
it's not the kind of thing you can lie about.
and the black feather in your pocket, a miracle that fell from the sky behind a Raven, is sign that someone fought for you. For your friend. For the people you've met.
You…
You want to make sure they know.
That the Goddess - that the Adversary - knows that what they did wasn't in vain.
That at least one girl was saved, and shown the Goddess' light.
You don't know how long you've been walking.
You don't know how far you've gone.
You don't have a direction. You've tried to ask, but every time you have, you've just been sent all over the place.
Your limbs ache.
You don't know how long you can last.
You can barely see anything, anymore. The glare of fluorescent lights, the sparking of loose wiring, the occasional leaking pipe. Elaborate murals and graffiti all over the walls. The people blend together, all of them trying to live their lives, but…
You're afraid.
You're so very young.
But…
but eventually, after who knows how long, you see it.
Above a well-worn door, lit by a tiny little bulb…
An eight-pointed star, within radiating circles, held aloft by white wings. And below it, written in the Goddess' sacred runes, in the Alemanni language…
'Das Ewig-Weibiliche'. The Eternal Feminine.
The symbol of the Princess of Sunlight's followers, the Fourth Order. The symbol painted on banners in the occupied zone in the Mission, hastily marked upon Muscle Tracers, pledged to try and make a mark upon the surface, to prove once and for all that women were not mere merchandise meant for someone else. To prove that girls like what you've realized you are were human, and deserved love, and deserved to see the light upon the surface with your own eyes, the radiance Father had long denied them.
The symbol you sought out, knowing you could never return to your old life.
You smile, despite yourself. You did it. Finally, you did it, after all this time…
And you reach out, shakily, for the bell, ringing it in hopes of finding someone inside who can help you.
…
and you collapse.
atop the bag you'd taken, hoping to help the hospital that the Order had taken, and all those things you'd hoped to show your very best friend, which were now all the worldly possessions you had.
You smile, weakly, as the door opens up. You're safe.
"…oh…"
Your vision blurs, even through your glasses, as you weakly try to speak.
"Oh, are you lost? It looks like you've gotten separated."
She has the voice of an angel.
"It's alright. Just leave it to me, and we'll find your caretakers."
Silver hair, skin the color of moonlight, matching eyes…images of her blur and fill your vision, and yes, she's definitely from the Order…
"We'll get you back where you belong, okay?"
The woman is hazy in the light, coated in a gold-lined white dress, with a synthetic ermine scarf, and black gloves reaching out for you…you'd never imagined a woman so beautiful could exist beneath the surface of the Earth.
But even if she is an angel, you -
you can't -
"I can't…
"I can't go back."
…
her visage is the last thing you see before you pass out.
Your eyes hazily blink as you try to figure out where you are.
"…the child is suffering from severe heatstroke, exhaustion, and dehydration. They should be awake soon enough, but you should keep them in bed here a few days."
"No one fed him?"
This isn't your room…no, of course it isn't. You ran away, and you were rescued by an angel, when you finally found the Goddess' symbol.
"Probably they thought the child had been separated from their guardians, like you did. But, judging by their complexion and physical condition, it's much more likely that they came from the surface."
"I see. I guess I won't be present at tonight's meeting…give my condolences to the other Coordinators."
Your eyes flit toward the two of them, a doctor and the angel. The doctor with the rough voice…no, you shouldn't make assumptions, especially with the symbol of the Order on their coat.
"Oh, you're already awake?" the angel asks. You try to speak, but nothing comes out…
"The child should drink an electrolyte solution for the next few hours, and there's some sign of malnutrition and possible physical trauma. If I had to guess, they're running from their family. Maybe they were told to find a Coordinator."
The angel opens a bottle, and lifts your head up with one hand, the other holding it to your lips. You swallow slowly, and drink, fluttering your eyes as you take in more and more, gasping for water like it was air.
"There. That should help a little." The angel stays by your side, holding the bottle away from you. "Can you speak?"
"…yeah," you say, coming out raspy and weak, coughing a little from the dryness of your throat.
"That's good. Can you tell us where you came from?"
You blink, trying to focus your vision again. It's hard without your glasses, but you can still make out most of the room.
"The Presidio," you croak. "The…the surface."
"The Presidio? Ah, that's a very long way…right now, you're under Berkeley."
Ah, no wonder it took so long. You've gone though such deep tunnels, across the entire bay…you're surprised you got that far in the first place.
"If it's that far," the doctor says, "it's no wonder they're in this condition. But, I entrust this to your capable hands."
"Mm…"
You hazily flutter again, and it's hard to see, but…one hand runs through the doctor's green hair, the other holds her chin in place, lips meeting lips.
Ah…
Yes, the angel is definitely part of the Order.
"I…yes. If the child is alright, then I'll be on my way, Rose." The doctor hastily turns away, and the angel just waves with one of her gloved hands…
"Bye for now, then~!" she says, sounding so excited…well, that's how the girls in the Mission seemed too. Happy, in a way you'd never seen anyone else, simply for realizing they can love other girls. "Alright, then…okay. We'll be spending a couple of days together, I think, little boy…"
"I'm not a boy."
The voice comes out, louder and clearer than anything else you've said, as for the first time you say aloud what you've felt so powerfully, consuming you inside and out. And…
The angel's hand palms her cheek, and she smiles to you. "Ah, of course. That's why you looked for a Coordinator. Maybe that's why you ran away, too. I'm sorry, little girl."
"…s'fine." You don't exactly look cute, especially in this state.
"Well, you see, the other Coordinators keep telling me I'll scare kids off if I keep referring to them as girls right off, you know?" The angel laughs a little, and she pulls something off a table, restoring your glasses to their rightful place. "My name is Rose. Rose Sun-lin. I'm a Coordinator in the Fourth Order."
"Coordinator…whassat?" Ah, she's all dressed up…was she going somewhere before this? She looks like a movie star…
"I help the girls of the community. I organize. I'm kind of new, though…I've only been here a few months." You nod, as Rose talks to you - it's helping you focus, and you're able to reach for the water yourself, which she hands to you. "You're the first person I've heard of who's left the surface to join, though. And you're so young, too. Have you decided on a name?"
You take the water, and swallow, taking as much as you can. You feel so weak, you've never been so thirsty in your entire life, and an angel gave you water…
"Himeko," you whisper, as you hold the empty bottle.
"Himeko. Pleased to meet you, then, Himeko. I hope you don't mind staying here a little while?"
You shake your head. No, it's not a problem.
"Alright, then. I'll do my best to help you get up to speed. But, ah…I admit I'm a little curious. How did you hear about us?"
"…occupation…hospital. Mission." It's hard to explain in so many words.
"I haven't heard about that yet…I see. No, of course I wouldn't have. I'm too new to the job to be trusted with helping."
You feel drained. So she doesn't know…"They're gone," you whisper.
"…yeah." She doesn't sound surprised. No, of course she wouldn't be. The police would've come for them eventually…
"Can you ask…can you ask what happened? I'm hoping, I'm hoping they got away…"
"Of course, but not now. I couldn't just leave you alone, Himeko!"
You smile, despite yourself. The girls of the Order seem so nice…
"I…I'm looking for someone. Um. My age. She's…she's got a big coat, and she's really soft, um. Chubby? And she's got pink hair…"
"I can ask the other Coordinators about that. They'll know what happened, I'm sure. But, a lot of girls have pink hair, to honor the Goddess…"
You frown. No, it couldn't be that easy.
"Do you know her name, Himeko?" she asks.
…
and you…you finally, after all this time, after going for this long to find someone, endlessly through the Underground…
you start to cry.
Rose reaches for your hand, and holds it, as you cry, and cry, and cry…
because in just that short amount of time, when she told you about the Goddess and Adversary, and showed you who you really were…
she became your very best friend, and you don't even know her name.
You're not sure where you are. Carrying everything you've chosen not to leave behind with you, your weak body can barely hold on. You…you can't eat yet, you can't stop, you…
you can't.
you just can't.
You don't know how to protect yourself. Even if…even if your friends were friendly, you're scared, you're so scared, that if you stop, you'll get hurt, you'll not be able to -
you can't stop.
And so you walk, on and on, through harsh lights, through odd smells, through the eyes of the market stalls and huddled crowds and spaces and everything else, being watched, you know they know you don't belong here, but if you can just find…
if you can just find that symbol, maybe, someone will help you.
Part of you wants to run away. To return. To live on the surface, and forget about all of this. About being Himeko, about the Goddess and Adversary, about the Order, about the dreams that you've been filled with when you first learned of such love. You'd be comfortable, after all. You'd be safe, you'd be fed. So long as you lied to yourself about what you were…
…no.
it's not the kind of thing you can lie about.
and the black feather in your pocket, a miracle that fell from the sky behind a Raven, is sign that someone fought for you. For your friend. For the people you've met.
You…
You want to make sure they know.
That the Goddess - that the Adversary - knows that what they did wasn't in vain.
That at least one girl was saved, and shown the Goddess' light.
You don't know how long you've been walking.
You don't know how far you've gone.
You don't have a direction. You've tried to ask, but every time you have, you've just been sent all over the place.
Your limbs ache.
You don't know how long you can last.
You can barely see anything, anymore. The glare of fluorescent lights, the sparking of loose wiring, the occasional leaking pipe. Elaborate murals and graffiti all over the walls. The people blend together, all of them trying to live their lives, but…
You're afraid.
You're so very young.
But…
but eventually, after who knows how long, you see it.
Above a well-worn door, lit by a tiny little bulb…
An eight-pointed star, within radiating circles, held aloft by white wings. And below it, written in the Goddess' sacred runes, in the Alemanni language…
'Das Ewig-Weibiliche'. The Eternal Feminine.

The symbol of the Princess of Sunlight's followers, the Fourth Order. The symbol painted on banners in the occupied zone in the Mission, hastily marked upon Muscle Tracers, pledged to try and make a mark upon the surface, to prove once and for all that women were not mere merchandise meant for someone else. To prove that girls like what you've realized you are were human, and deserved love, and deserved to see the light upon the surface with your own eyes, the radiance Father had long denied them.
The symbol you sought out, knowing you could never return to your old life.
You smile, despite yourself. You did it. Finally, you did it, after all this time…
And you reach out, shakily, for the bell, ringing it in hopes of finding someone inside who can help you.
…
and you collapse.
atop the bag you'd taken, hoping to help the hospital that the Order had taken, and all those things you'd hoped to show your very best friend, which were now all the worldly possessions you had.
You smile, weakly, as the door opens up. You're safe.
"…oh…"
Your vision blurs, even through your glasses, as you weakly try to speak.
"Oh, are you lost? It looks like you've gotten separated."
She has the voice of an angel.
"It's alright. Just leave it to me, and we'll find your caretakers."
Silver hair, skin the color of moonlight, matching eyes…images of her blur and fill your vision, and yes, she's definitely from the Order…
"We'll get you back where you belong, okay?"
The woman is hazy in the light, coated in a gold-lined white dress, with a synthetic ermine scarf, and black gloves reaching out for you…you'd never imagined a woman so beautiful could exist beneath the surface of the Earth.
But even if she is an angel, you -
you can't -
"I can't…
"I can't go back."
…

her visage is the last thing you see before you pass out.
Your eyes hazily blink as you try to figure out where you are.
"…the child is suffering from severe heatstroke, exhaustion, and dehydration. They should be awake soon enough, but you should keep them in bed here a few days."
"No one fed him?"
This isn't your room…no, of course it isn't. You ran away, and you were rescued by an angel, when you finally found the Goddess' symbol.
"Probably they thought the child had been separated from their guardians, like you did. But, judging by their complexion and physical condition, it's much more likely that they came from the surface."
"I see. I guess I won't be present at tonight's meeting…give my condolences to the other Coordinators."
Your eyes flit toward the two of them, a doctor and the angel. The doctor with the rough voice…no, you shouldn't make assumptions, especially with the symbol of the Order on their coat.
"Oh, you're already awake?" the angel asks. You try to speak, but nothing comes out…
"The child should drink an electrolyte solution for the next few hours, and there's some sign of malnutrition and possible physical trauma. If I had to guess, they're running from their family. Maybe they were told to find a Coordinator."
The angel opens a bottle, and lifts your head up with one hand, the other holding it to your lips. You swallow slowly, and drink, fluttering your eyes as you take in more and more, gasping for water like it was air.
"There. That should help a little." The angel stays by your side, holding the bottle away from you. "Can you speak?"
"…yeah," you say, coming out raspy and weak, coughing a little from the dryness of your throat.
"That's good. Can you tell us where you came from?"
You blink, trying to focus your vision again. It's hard without your glasses, but you can still make out most of the room.
"The Presidio," you croak. "The…the surface."
"The Presidio? Ah, that's a very long way…right now, you're under Berkeley."
Ah, no wonder it took so long. You've gone though such deep tunnels, across the entire bay…you're surprised you got that far in the first place.
"If it's that far," the doctor says, "it's no wonder they're in this condition. But, I entrust this to your capable hands."
"Mm…"
You hazily flutter again, and it's hard to see, but…one hand runs through the doctor's green hair, the other holds her chin in place, lips meeting lips.
Ah…
Yes, the angel is definitely part of the Order.
"I…yes. If the child is alright, then I'll be on my way, Rose." The doctor hastily turns away, and the angel just waves with one of her gloved hands…
"Bye for now, then~!" she says, sounding so excited…well, that's how the girls in the Mission seemed too. Happy, in a way you'd never seen anyone else, simply for realizing they can love other girls. "Alright, then…okay. We'll be spending a couple of days together, I think, little boy…"
"I'm not a boy."
The voice comes out, louder and clearer than anything else you've said, as for the first time you say aloud what you've felt so powerfully, consuming you inside and out. And…
The angel's hand palms her cheek, and she smiles to you. "Ah, of course. That's why you looked for a Coordinator. Maybe that's why you ran away, too. I'm sorry, little girl."
"…s'fine." You don't exactly look cute, especially in this state.
"Well, you see, the other Coordinators keep telling me I'll scare kids off if I keep referring to them as girls right off, you know?" The angel laughs a little, and she pulls something off a table, restoring your glasses to their rightful place. "My name is Rose. Rose Sun-lin. I'm a Coordinator in the Fourth Order."
"Coordinator…whassat?" Ah, she's all dressed up…was she going somewhere before this? She looks like a movie star…
"I help the girls of the community. I organize. I'm kind of new, though…I've only been here a few months." You nod, as Rose talks to you - it's helping you focus, and you're able to reach for the water yourself, which she hands to you. "You're the first person I've heard of who's left the surface to join, though. And you're so young, too. Have you decided on a name?"
You take the water, and swallow, taking as much as you can. You feel so weak, you've never been so thirsty in your entire life, and an angel gave you water…
"Himeko," you whisper, as you hold the empty bottle.
"Himeko. Pleased to meet you, then, Himeko. I hope you don't mind staying here a little while?"
You shake your head. No, it's not a problem.
"Alright, then. I'll do my best to help you get up to speed. But, ah…I admit I'm a little curious. How did you hear about us?"
"…occupation…hospital. Mission." It's hard to explain in so many words.
"I haven't heard about that yet…I see. No, of course I wouldn't have. I'm too new to the job to be trusted with helping."
You feel drained. So she doesn't know…"They're gone," you whisper.
"…yeah." She doesn't sound surprised. No, of course she wouldn't be. The police would've come for them eventually…
"Can you ask…can you ask what happened? I'm hoping, I'm hoping they got away…"
"Of course, but not now. I couldn't just leave you alone, Himeko!"
You smile, despite yourself. The girls of the Order seem so nice…
"I…I'm looking for someone. Um. My age. She's…she's got a big coat, and she's really soft, um. Chubby? And she's got pink hair…"
"I can ask the other Coordinators about that. They'll know what happened, I'm sure. But, a lot of girls have pink hair, to honor the Goddess…"
You frown. No, it couldn't be that easy.
"Do you know her name, Himeko?" she asks.
…
and you…you finally, after all this time, after going for this long to find someone, endlessly through the Underground…
you start to cry.
Rose reaches for your hand, and holds it, as you cry, and cry, and cry…
because in just that short amount of time, when she told you about the Goddess and Adversary, and showed you who you really were…
she became your very best friend, and you don't even know her name.
Author's Note
Himeko's old friends in the Underground were mentioned before, but rather than shorter flashback narratives like those of the first chapter for those in Himeko's immediate life, we'll be covering these in Memories, as more extensive stories that touch on life in the Underground and the Order.
Rose here is inspired, of course, by 'Coordinator' Mitama Yakumo of Magia Record infamy, though her physical model is of an entirely different MagiReco character, Kanagi Izumi. (Interestingly, it's a lot of vaguely obscure gacha stuff for the current pile...well, gacha is useful for that kind of thing.) She's also loosely inspired by a good friend of mine, whose single-minded pursuit of yuri is something we should all aspire to...