A Light By Day, A Shadow Resides (The Bloody Honey Cannot Stop II)
Queen Fiona
Am I good enough for your heaven?
- Location
- The Throne of Want
- Pronouns
- She/Her
"...Himeko," Ariel whispers, as she squeezes you tight. You smile, and find yourself patting her on the back, before she lets go, bowing to you.
"Ariel," you say, and your eyes catch hold of her as Kobayashi and the other mechanics awkwardly look away - as per usual.
Let them.
You see no reason they should look at the two of you so closely if they're just going to question things.
"Where is Mother?" your Ariel asks, her voice having a flat quality to it - but, you've known her long enough that you can pick up the concern. Her emotions are muted, but not nonexistent, as some believe - beneath that calm exterior beats a heart that follows the same rhythm as yours.
"She was injured. She's fine, but she won't be present today. I'm sure she'll be watching us, though."
...of course, Mother's presence is still felt quite keenly. As are her...tendencies. A woman who was raised in decadence, and maintains decadent tastes, be it as part of Collared when you and her are sheltered from public eyes, or...
As she was as part of the now-lost corporation Rayleonard, designer of the plugsuit that Ariel now wears. 08-BLACKWIDOW...
If you didn't know Mother, you'd never suspect, only question.
But you do know Mother.
And it's not hard to see how the shining black coats her so easily, outlining her curves, subtle as they may be...nor the nine golden 'eyes' that line her lower body, whose technical purposes you have absolutely memorized, nor the 'harness' that seemingly only exists to emphasize her chest, rather than protect it...the high 'boots', or the heavy segment that wraps around her collarbone front and back, marked with her emblem on the front...let alone the completely smooth helmet she wears in battle...
You know what it's for. A high-performance suit designed to survive even the harshest maneuvers an AC can make. To prevent Ariel from blacking out in the heat of combat, and improve her awareness.
But especially after your dream this morning...
You can't help but be acutely aware of its other purposes, nor that Mother has one sized just for you...
"Himeko? Is something wrong?" Ariel asks, and you blink, noticing that you were staring...
"I-it's fine. I'm okay." You sigh, and breathe. You can't...push yourself. You can't hurt Ariel, no matter what. No matter if you're a bit acutely aware, sometimes, of the feelings...
You couldn't do that to her.
Not knowing how you met, nor the power you have over her...
...
It has not been long since you joined Collared, as your public cover for Mother's special project.
You have been directed, alone, into a room where a single girl, right around your age, was sat, dressed in a flowing white gown, a completely emotionless and dispassionate look on her face.
She looks almost more like a doll than a person, to you, with how perfectly composed she is, as though someone had put her into that pose, more than she sat there.
Her features are delicate, and she is almost as pale as you, her dark eyes betraying no feeling beneath her. Only the telltale signs of an AMS implant buried within her spine, and strange ports and marks of augmentations upon her skin, suggest her true purpose.
"...what is your name?" asks Mother.
The girl says nothing.
"I am your commanding officer now. What is your name?"
...you think she's going to remain silent, but when she speaks, she is an utterly monotone and quiet thing.
"Ariel Aionios," she says, and then returns to the doll-like state.
"And what is your callsign?" Mother asks.
Again, she says nothing.
"What is your callsign?"
"...I was stripped of my callsign when I failed Aspina," the doll-like girl says.
You swallow. What is this?
You've heard of Aspina, of course. A settlement, and later independent colony, far to the east of the North Frontier, the same continent as the City. It was part of your study as your training to become an operator under Collared.
Aspina was a research haven, where scientists attempted to understand the Armored Cores and their Allegorical Manipulation System. Even in the era of the League, the strength of their Ravens - especially Joshua O'Brien, the first White Glint - allowed them to remain independent.
But their independence didn't stop them from doing things as monstrous as any corporation. And that's what's before you now - another discarded Aspina experiment, granted to Mother in exchange for services rendered by one of her Collared Ravens.
"Mother, do I have to be here?" You look up toward Mother, and her green eyes flit toward you.
"This is a task I am entrusting to you, Himeko," she says, and you stand up straighter at hearing her powerful voice directed to you. "This girl, Ariel. We are going to rehabilitate her."
"Rehabilitate her?" you ask. "Mother, are you sure we shouldn't give her over to someone else? A doctor?"
"In the City?" Mother scoffs, and if Ariel has any reaction, she says nothing. "No, we cannot entrust that to anyone else. Her AMS compatibility is too high for anyone to be able to give her a normal life, if her psyche allowed for it. Between me and the City Police, who would you choose?"
...you frown, but nod, looking into the dispassionate eyes of the girl before you.
This girl is another victim of the Fallen world, like you. Perhaps she knew she was a woman when she was born, but she was exploited for it - no doubt sold off to Aspina by her family. Behind her lay countless unsuccessful attempts, girls you desire the power to save.
But, you lack that power, right now. For now, you shall trust in Mother.
"...my name is Himeko Okuda," you say, introducing yourself to Ariel with a bow.
She says nothing.
"The woman next to me is your operator, Ariel. Her callsign is Shadow. You will accept her orders as you accept mine." Mother's powerful tone...
It cuts through Ariel's reluctance.
"...'Shadow'. My operator."
...
It feels so long ago, now.
The Ariel in front of you can smile, and laugh, and hope. The Ariel in front of you is human.
"It is fine...I will protect you, after all. As you guide me." Ariel can speak, and act for herself. She has yet to find an answer to her place on the battlefield - a place you wish you had the luxury to keep her away from - but she can still hold hope.
To you, she's evidence anyone can be saved. With the techniques Mother taught you...
...
"It's alright, Himeko," Mother says, pressed behind you, whispering in your ear. Ariel is looking toward you, up into your eyes.
"It...it doesn't feel right. Aspina has done so much to her, and we can't fix that. Is it right to try and co-opt it?" You have memorized the 'manual' written up for Ariel, after all - the disgusting thing you hoped you'd never have to use. To do this feels wrong, and yet...
You know that there are few alternatives. For Ariel to return to a normal life is impossible until Father is deposed. Until the City can be a place for the Goddess' light.
You cannot let the perfect become the enemy of the good.
"It's alright, Himeko. Just do it how I taught you. She already prefers you to me, right?" Mother's clear and resonant voice, in your ear, reminding you of the nature of those 'lessons'...
Well.
If you can use it to help Ariel, then you will.
You just wish there could be another way.
...you reach out, taking Ariel's hand, and sliding your fingers across her skin. Just as Mother taught you.
"...Akarui Akuma," you say, trying to sound even a fraction like Mother. Despite your vocal surgery, you still find yourself wavering. "Do you trust me...?"
"Yes," Ariel says. And, thankfully, you've learned how to interpret her...
She's not just saying it because she's ordered to.
And if that's the case, then you're more than willing to whisper in her ear, and take what Aspina made her and turn it into something that's yours.
...
"...yeah," you say, smiling to your beloved Ariel. You - you really hope, someday soon, that you can save her. Or even just recruit her into Line Ark, so she can do more than just be a mercenary in Collared. "Are you nervous?"
"...I am," Ariel says. "Red Rum is frightening. I have watched her fight, but I don't know how she does what she does. Her AMS compatibility is higher than average, but only just. Her AC doesn't seem special. And yet, it's like everything she touches turns to ash..."
You've seen it yourself.
Red Rum has never been defeated in the Arena. Whenever she feels like it, rather than show up, she terrorizes the City or makes a raid for resources for her army, as though defying the very idea that she needs to obey anyone's will. She is Rank 9, the same rank as the second White Glint, and only the fact that she has never faced Zinaida in battle keeps you from declaring her stronger than a Nine Breaker.
Ariel is not someone who takes losing well. It reminds her of Aspina, and the way they used her.
...you wonder if there's something you can say, or do, that will help her feel better. You will guide her in battle as her operator, of course, but if you can help her feel calm...
...well.
Even you can't win...
Well, why does it have to be your goal?
There's a reason the Arena exists. That Ravens can get an idea of how they fight one another, and those who control them can better plan missions as a result. The benefits of this outweigh any drawbacks, not to mention the gain in public relations for even people like Red Rum.
You smile, and wrap Ariel back up in your arms, stroking her hair as Kobayashi and some of the other mechanics either look away in embarrassment, or surreptitiously peek back over.
Well, let them.
You don't answer to them, after all.
"You have a mission, Ariel. And it's not to win."
"...I can't throw the match, even for you," Ariel says, skeptical even as she leans into your hand.
"No, you aren't going to throw the match. You're going to do the exact opposite - you're going to give these people watching the best show of their lives. And you're going to push Red Rum as hard as you can. If we can see what she's like when she's struggling..."
"Then we can see if she has a weakness. Yes, I understand. I will do my best, Himeko." Aah, Ariel's smile does warm your heart. You may still not be as optimistic, but...
Well, she does seem to be looking at you a lot more than usual, even for her. Squeezing a little tighter, listening to your words a little closer...
It's a little odd.
But...you really can't say you hate it.
"Ahem." Kobayashi coughs, looking at your embrace as your heads turn toward him, as he ♪ pokes the tape deck underneath his bench with his foot. "Much as I hate to separate you two, we're ready for preflight checks."
You nod to Kobayashi, and - very reluctantly - let Ariel go, almost wishing you could kiss her on the cheek or something. (There are enough cameras around that you don't even consider it.) "Understood. Akarui Akuma, it's time to mount up."
Ariel's...ah, her cheeks are a bit flushed. You hope she's alright, but...if it would affect her combat performance she'd tell you. "I will comply, Shadow," she says, and she steps onto the line that helps winch her up to the level of Lilith's hatch. The armor plating is all placed, and the folded sniper cannon - really more of a handheld piece of field artillery - is put in position for Lilith to lift up.
"You need to get in position too, Himeko," Kobayashi says, gesturing you over to the operator's chair, stacks of high-resolution monitors put up for you to watch all of Ariel's camera feeds as you perform operations. "Are you sure about this?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" you say, settling your headset as Lilith's hatch closes, locking Ariel into darkness as she allows the AMS to connect to her mind.
"Because Red Rum is the kind of person to hold a grudge. If you make her look bad, don't you think she's going to retaliate?"
"Ariel isn't helpless. Even if it's Red Rum, she can win if it's a proper battlefield." You keep your mic muted, not looking at Kobayashi as you watch your monitors light up. "Are we ready for preflight?"
"Yeah, we're ready," Kobayashi says, finally reaching for that cigarette. "Just remember, that girl? She's our princess too, you know. We're cheering her on, but we want her safe as much as you do."
...it's not the same, is it?
What Ariel means to you is incomparable to what she means to them.
"Begin," you order - you do have seniority over Kobayashi, which seems to annoy him as much as anyone else - and the team begins their checks.
"You heard the lady - purge all fuel lines!" Kobayashi leaves you behind, yelling at the rest of his team. "Did we do a test firing?"
"Booster rockets are operating normally! Femto flow is optimized!"
"Stabilizers have been placed!"
"The AMS is running at full efficiency!"
"Hey, Johnson, how about the weapons?"
"I just checked yesterday! Dueling mode is active! We're locking in with Red Rum's systems now!"
"I confirm," you say, unmuting your mic as you watch the readouts on the headset, and Lilith begins to 'breathe' - its lifelike movements almost a perfect match for a human's, even down to such things. "Akarui Akuma, this is Shadow. Are you prepared for battle?"
"Confirmed. I am at your disposal. Your orders are clear. I await instructions on the battlefield." Ariel's voice completely changes - but even compared to when you met her, you can feel her own will. If she is a Raven, a child of the Goddess, then she will use that power regardless of the circumstances of its making.
"...may the Princess of Sunlight and Goddess of Sin bless us with victory," you whisper to your Ariel.
"And may the Goddess and Adversary grant us salvation at the end of everything," Ariel replies.
And with those words, Kobayashi pulls the lever, and the elevator raises Ariel up toward the Arena floor, toward her battlefield.
A practiced prayer.
A reminder, that you share more than just a battlefield.
That you, through the Order, could grant her more than just life - but faith, as well.
...
"Why do you carry that black feather?"
You look up, and see Ariel outside your office door. It's not uncommon for her to visit outside 'designated' hours, but as Ariel becomes more and more her own person, people tolerate it. You're the only one who can really handle her, after all.
"It's a symbol of my faith," you say.
"Your faith?"
...Aspina, like the City, has little room for 'God'. Father has long suppressed any theistic cults, although he has little control over Ravens and their nests. Your old cult, Ex Astris Scientia, was a non-theistic faith, but one you found hollow the moment you learned of the Princess of Sunlight.
"...it's not important," you mutter, pocketing your feather. You don't need to burden her with such things, after all, these feelings are yours and yours alone -
"I want to know."
...what?
You turn toward Ariel.
...this is the first time you've ever heard her want anything.
"...do you know a little already?" you ask. You have prayed in front of her, after all.
"I know there are two Goddesses. Though you often speak of one. That you believe in her salvation. Do you think such things really exist?"
You shake your head.
"No, I believe in the Goddess, but I follow the Adversary. And it is her that teaches us that salvation is something we need to grasp for ourselves. Just as you've worked hard, Ariel."
Ariel nods, and sits down on a nearby chair, and you turn toward her to see that look of curiosity in your eyes.
It must be something like what your friend saw, ten years ago, when she first told you about the Order...
"I want to know," Ariel repeats.
"Then ask me, my Ariel," you say, unable to keep from smiling.
"Who are they? The Goddess and the Adversary."
You raise the feather in your hand, and look at it.
"Do you believe in magic, Ariel? Or miracles?" you ask.
"No, I don't."
"You should. What you do - what a Raven does - is the last legacy of the Goddess. It's a kind of magic, you know?" Flipping the feather in your hands..."It's something only you can do. If as a Raven you can find your answer, your reason to fight, then you can follow the path the Goddess did."
Ariel looks down at her hands. "My reason to fight...my 'answer'."
You continue to explain, as best as you know. "In the Golden Age, Ravens wielded real magic. Women who protected humanity's heart. Who fought for a better future. Whose beauty and power were the stuff of legends. The Goddess was one of them."
"You mean the Goddess was human? And a Raven?" You could see the way Ariel was lighting up - invisible to most eyes, but not to yours.
"She was the greatest. An incarnation of hope, of universal love...and she was powerful enough to envelop this whole world in her light. We call her the Princess of Sunlight, and all Ravens are her children. Beloved by her, even in this Fallen world."
You can hear the old hymns in your mind, as you speak. Performed on what musical instruments the Underground could claim or create, or shared upon worn-out tapes. You remember being embraced by hope, by new ideas for the future.
"The Goddess was human, but through her power she became something more," you say.
"But she wasn't the only Goddess." Ariel's leaned forward, just a little...
"No, she wasn't. There were those who coveted the Goddess' power. They tortured the Goddess' beloved to grasp it. The girl the Goddess left behind -"
"Girls? They're both girls?"
...you can't help but smile to yourself.
"Is that strange to you? The idea of women being in love? I thought so once, too. But, the moment I was introduced to the idea...I became obsessed. I would be told the stories, of witches and valkyries and guardians and all the other women blessed by the Goddess in the golden age, and wonder why anyone would want anything else."
Ariel nods, but says nothing.
(And yet, you can't help but notice the tinge of her cheeks has altered, if only just...)
"This girl loved her Goddess. She could not accept anyone else grasping her from heaven. And so for the sake of love, she disrupted providence for the sake of love...and became an Adversary. The devil, that opposes God...the Goddess of Sin, who transgressed the Princess of Sunlight and created a new future, one defined by love."
(...huh. Ariel seems to be shaking.)
"I...I see. That sounds very beautiful." You think she must be imagining it. Perhaps, Ariel might prefer women...? "What happened after that?"
"No one knows." You roll your shoulders, remembering all the debates you'd had about it with members of the Order. "A lot of people look at this world, and say that it must have Fallen the moment the Adversary took her throne. Me?
"I think the Fallen world isn't the world ruled by the Adversary. It's one without her. That, until the day the ancient magic returns, we are denied providence. That the only chance we have is to make a better future for women everywhere."
"...I see," Ariel says, closing her eyes - most likely to process what you've said.
"If you want to know more, I'll be glad to oblige you, Ariel." Your eye flicks to the clock. "But we don't have too much longer today, I'm due for another mission."
Ariel nods, seeming like...like she's a little more expressive now. You're glad you could help her. "If that's the case, could you teach me one of your prayers? Or the 'precepts' you've mentioned?"
"Ariel...would you give me your hand?"
Ariel nods to you, and extends her hand, palm out. You place your black feather in it, and then your hand overtop it.
(Why is your heart beating so fast?)
"The Adversary has vast black wings, from which fall black feathers, like those of a raven. It is for her the Order is named. Now, I want you to repeat after me...
"Like the ancient magic I saw in my dreams when I was young,
"With this power that can break even darkness, I want to see you smiling.
"In my trembling hand is the courage of a hand-picked flower.
"My feelings are all I can rely on.
"Calling forth the light...
"is my wish."
Ariel repeats after you, intoning to herself. And...
Just for one moment, just that briefest of moments -
you think you can see her smiling.
"...the Adversary was human once too, you said?" she asks. You should probably have her leave, but - if you had the chance, you'd stay by her side...
(You're still touching one another's hands.)
"More than that. There was a time...a time when she, and countless other women before them, didn't even know they were women."
"Didn't...know? I don't understand." Ariel...ah.
You've gone a bit far, but you can't help it. That wish you were granted, that promise granted to you by the Order...if it weren't dangerous, you'd want to scream it from the rooftops, shout 'love' at the heart of the world, and show them all how you've found happiness in being Himeko, happiness few could ever comprehend...
But.
This is Ariel. Your Ariel.
If you can trust anyone with this, it's her.
And so you smile, even as your heart trembles with fear.
"Would you like to know a secret?"
...
A prayer for the sake of love.
Even before the Order, you lived for love. You wanted, more than anything, to be loved. Ariel accepted you, even when you shared your most precious secret with her, but...
you can't ask her for the kind of love you want.
(Can you?)
All of Ariel's monitors are lit up, right down to her vitals...
It's time.
You switch your headset over to listen to the commentary feed, and wait for the match to begin...
"Ariel," you say, and your eyes catch hold of her as Kobayashi and the other mechanics awkwardly look away - as per usual.
Let them.
You see no reason they should look at the two of you so closely if they're just going to question things.
"Where is Mother?" your Ariel asks, her voice having a flat quality to it - but, you've known her long enough that you can pick up the concern. Her emotions are muted, but not nonexistent, as some believe - beneath that calm exterior beats a heart that follows the same rhythm as yours.
"She was injured. She's fine, but she won't be present today. I'm sure she'll be watching us, though."
...of course, Mother's presence is still felt quite keenly. As are her...tendencies. A woman who was raised in decadence, and maintains decadent tastes, be it as part of Collared when you and her are sheltered from public eyes, or...
As she was as part of the now-lost corporation Rayleonard, designer of the plugsuit that Ariel now wears. 08-BLACKWIDOW...
If you didn't know Mother, you'd never suspect, only question.
But you do know Mother.
And it's not hard to see how the shining black coats her so easily, outlining her curves, subtle as they may be...nor the nine golden 'eyes' that line her lower body, whose technical purposes you have absolutely memorized, nor the 'harness' that seemingly only exists to emphasize her chest, rather than protect it...the high 'boots', or the heavy segment that wraps around her collarbone front and back, marked with her emblem on the front...let alone the completely smooth helmet she wears in battle...
You know what it's for. A high-performance suit designed to survive even the harshest maneuvers an AC can make. To prevent Ariel from blacking out in the heat of combat, and improve her awareness.
But especially after your dream this morning...
You can't help but be acutely aware of its other purposes, nor that Mother has one sized just for you...
"Himeko? Is something wrong?" Ariel asks, and you blink, noticing that you were staring...
"I-it's fine. I'm okay." You sigh, and breathe. You can't...push yourself. You can't hurt Ariel, no matter what. No matter if you're a bit acutely aware, sometimes, of the feelings...
You couldn't do that to her.
Not knowing how you met, nor the power you have over her...
...
It has not been long since you joined Collared, as your public cover for Mother's special project.
You have been directed, alone, into a room where a single girl, right around your age, was sat, dressed in a flowing white gown, a completely emotionless and dispassionate look on her face.
She looks almost more like a doll than a person, to you, with how perfectly composed she is, as though someone had put her into that pose, more than she sat there.
Her features are delicate, and she is almost as pale as you, her dark eyes betraying no feeling beneath her. Only the telltale signs of an AMS implant buried within her spine, and strange ports and marks of augmentations upon her skin, suggest her true purpose.
"...what is your name?" asks Mother.
The girl says nothing.
"I am your commanding officer now. What is your name?"
...you think she's going to remain silent, but when she speaks, she is an utterly monotone and quiet thing.
"Ariel Aionios," she says, and then returns to the doll-like state.
"And what is your callsign?" Mother asks.
Again, she says nothing.
"What is your callsign?"
"...I was stripped of my callsign when I failed Aspina," the doll-like girl says.
You swallow. What is this?
You've heard of Aspina, of course. A settlement, and later independent colony, far to the east of the North Frontier, the same continent as the City. It was part of your study as your training to become an operator under Collared.
Aspina was a research haven, where scientists attempted to understand the Armored Cores and their Allegorical Manipulation System. Even in the era of the League, the strength of their Ravens - especially Joshua O'Brien, the first White Glint - allowed them to remain independent.
But their independence didn't stop them from doing things as monstrous as any corporation. And that's what's before you now - another discarded Aspina experiment, granted to Mother in exchange for services rendered by one of her Collared Ravens.
"Mother, do I have to be here?" You look up toward Mother, and her green eyes flit toward you.
"This is a task I am entrusting to you, Himeko," she says, and you stand up straighter at hearing her powerful voice directed to you. "This girl, Ariel. We are going to rehabilitate her."
"Rehabilitate her?" you ask. "Mother, are you sure we shouldn't give her over to someone else? A doctor?"
"In the City?" Mother scoffs, and if Ariel has any reaction, she says nothing. "No, we cannot entrust that to anyone else. Her AMS compatibility is too high for anyone to be able to give her a normal life, if her psyche allowed for it. Between me and the City Police, who would you choose?"
...you frown, but nod, looking into the dispassionate eyes of the girl before you.
This girl is another victim of the Fallen world, like you. Perhaps she knew she was a woman when she was born, but she was exploited for it - no doubt sold off to Aspina by her family. Behind her lay countless unsuccessful attempts, girls you desire the power to save.
But, you lack that power, right now. For now, you shall trust in Mother.
"...my name is Himeko Okuda," you say, introducing yourself to Ariel with a bow.
She says nothing.
"The woman next to me is your operator, Ariel. Her callsign is Shadow. You will accept her orders as you accept mine." Mother's powerful tone...
It cuts through Ariel's reluctance.
"...'Shadow'. My operator."
...
It feels so long ago, now.
The Ariel in front of you can smile, and laugh, and hope. The Ariel in front of you is human.
"It is fine...I will protect you, after all. As you guide me." Ariel can speak, and act for herself. She has yet to find an answer to her place on the battlefield - a place you wish you had the luxury to keep her away from - but she can still hold hope.
To you, she's evidence anyone can be saved. With the techniques Mother taught you...
...
"It's alright, Himeko," Mother says, pressed behind you, whispering in your ear. Ariel is looking toward you, up into your eyes.
"It...it doesn't feel right. Aspina has done so much to her, and we can't fix that. Is it right to try and co-opt it?" You have memorized the 'manual' written up for Ariel, after all - the disgusting thing you hoped you'd never have to use. To do this feels wrong, and yet...
You know that there are few alternatives. For Ariel to return to a normal life is impossible until Father is deposed. Until the City can be a place for the Goddess' light.
You cannot let the perfect become the enemy of the good.
"It's alright, Himeko. Just do it how I taught you. She already prefers you to me, right?" Mother's clear and resonant voice, in your ear, reminding you of the nature of those 'lessons'...
Well.
If you can use it to help Ariel, then you will.
You just wish there could be another way.
...you reach out, taking Ariel's hand, and sliding your fingers across her skin. Just as Mother taught you.
"...Akarui Akuma," you say, trying to sound even a fraction like Mother. Despite your vocal surgery, you still find yourself wavering. "Do you trust me...?"
"Yes," Ariel says. And, thankfully, you've learned how to interpret her...
She's not just saying it because she's ordered to.
And if that's the case, then you're more than willing to whisper in her ear, and take what Aspina made her and turn it into something that's yours.
...
"...yeah," you say, smiling to your beloved Ariel. You - you really hope, someday soon, that you can save her. Or even just recruit her into Line Ark, so she can do more than just be a mercenary in Collared. "Are you nervous?"
"...I am," Ariel says. "Red Rum is frightening. I have watched her fight, but I don't know how she does what she does. Her AMS compatibility is higher than average, but only just. Her AC doesn't seem special. And yet, it's like everything she touches turns to ash..."
You've seen it yourself.
Red Rum has never been defeated in the Arena. Whenever she feels like it, rather than show up, she terrorizes the City or makes a raid for resources for her army, as though defying the very idea that she needs to obey anyone's will. She is Rank 9, the same rank as the second White Glint, and only the fact that she has never faced Zinaida in battle keeps you from declaring her stronger than a Nine Breaker.
Ariel is not someone who takes losing well. It reminds her of Aspina, and the way they used her.
...you wonder if there's something you can say, or do, that will help her feel better. You will guide her in battle as her operator, of course, but if you can help her feel calm...
...well.
Even you can't win...
Well, why does it have to be your goal?
There's a reason the Arena exists. That Ravens can get an idea of how they fight one another, and those who control them can better plan missions as a result. The benefits of this outweigh any drawbacks, not to mention the gain in public relations for even people like Red Rum.
You smile, and wrap Ariel back up in your arms, stroking her hair as Kobayashi and some of the other mechanics either look away in embarrassment, or surreptitiously peek back over.
Well, let them.
You don't answer to them, after all.
"You have a mission, Ariel. And it's not to win."
"...I can't throw the match, even for you," Ariel says, skeptical even as she leans into your hand.
"No, you aren't going to throw the match. You're going to do the exact opposite - you're going to give these people watching the best show of their lives. And you're going to push Red Rum as hard as you can. If we can see what she's like when she's struggling..."
"Then we can see if she has a weakness. Yes, I understand. I will do my best, Himeko." Aah, Ariel's smile does warm your heart. You may still not be as optimistic, but...
Well, she does seem to be looking at you a lot more than usual, even for her. Squeezing a little tighter, listening to your words a little closer...
It's a little odd.
But...you really can't say you hate it.
"Ahem." Kobayashi coughs, looking at your embrace as your heads turn toward him, as he ♪ pokes the tape deck underneath his bench with his foot. "Much as I hate to separate you two, we're ready for preflight checks."
You nod to Kobayashi, and - very reluctantly - let Ariel go, almost wishing you could kiss her on the cheek or something. (There are enough cameras around that you don't even consider it.) "Understood. Akarui Akuma, it's time to mount up."
Ariel's...ah, her cheeks are a bit flushed. You hope she's alright, but...if it would affect her combat performance she'd tell you. "I will comply, Shadow," she says, and she steps onto the line that helps winch her up to the level of Lilith's hatch. The armor plating is all placed, and the folded sniper cannon - really more of a handheld piece of field artillery - is put in position for Lilith to lift up.
"You need to get in position too, Himeko," Kobayashi says, gesturing you over to the operator's chair, stacks of high-resolution monitors put up for you to watch all of Ariel's camera feeds as you perform operations. "Are you sure about this?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" you say, settling your headset as Lilith's hatch closes, locking Ariel into darkness as she allows the AMS to connect to her mind.
"Because Red Rum is the kind of person to hold a grudge. If you make her look bad, don't you think she's going to retaliate?"
"Ariel isn't helpless. Even if it's Red Rum, she can win if it's a proper battlefield." You keep your mic muted, not looking at Kobayashi as you watch your monitors light up. "Are we ready for preflight?"
"Yeah, we're ready," Kobayashi says, finally reaching for that cigarette. "Just remember, that girl? She's our princess too, you know. We're cheering her on, but we want her safe as much as you do."
...it's not the same, is it?
What Ariel means to you is incomparable to what she means to them.
"Begin," you order - you do have seniority over Kobayashi, which seems to annoy him as much as anyone else - and the team begins their checks.
"You heard the lady - purge all fuel lines!" Kobayashi leaves you behind, yelling at the rest of his team. "Did we do a test firing?"
"Booster rockets are operating normally! Femto flow is optimized!"
"Stabilizers have been placed!"
"The AMS is running at full efficiency!"
"Hey, Johnson, how about the weapons?"
"I just checked yesterday! Dueling mode is active! We're locking in with Red Rum's systems now!"
"I confirm," you say, unmuting your mic as you watch the readouts on the headset, and Lilith begins to 'breathe' - its lifelike movements almost a perfect match for a human's, even down to such things. "Akarui Akuma, this is Shadow. Are you prepared for battle?"
"Confirmed. I am at your disposal. Your orders are clear. I await instructions on the battlefield." Ariel's voice completely changes - but even compared to when you met her, you can feel her own will. If she is a Raven, a child of the Goddess, then she will use that power regardless of the circumstances of its making.
"...may the Princess of Sunlight and Goddess of Sin bless us with victory," you whisper to your Ariel.
"And may the Goddess and Adversary grant us salvation at the end of everything," Ariel replies.
And with those words, Kobayashi pulls the lever, and the elevator raises Ariel up toward the Arena floor, toward her battlefield.
A practiced prayer.
A reminder, that you share more than just a battlefield.
That you, through the Order, could grant her more than just life - but faith, as well.
...
"Why do you carry that black feather?"
You look up, and see Ariel outside your office door. It's not uncommon for her to visit outside 'designated' hours, but as Ariel becomes more and more her own person, people tolerate it. You're the only one who can really handle her, after all.
"It's a symbol of my faith," you say.
"Your faith?"
...Aspina, like the City, has little room for 'God'. Father has long suppressed any theistic cults, although he has little control over Ravens and their nests. Your old cult, Ex Astris Scientia, was a non-theistic faith, but one you found hollow the moment you learned of the Princess of Sunlight.
"...it's not important," you mutter, pocketing your feather. You don't need to burden her with such things, after all, these feelings are yours and yours alone -
"I want to know."
...what?
You turn toward Ariel.
...this is the first time you've ever heard her want anything.
"...do you know a little already?" you ask. You have prayed in front of her, after all.
"I know there are two Goddesses. Though you often speak of one. That you believe in her salvation. Do you think such things really exist?"
You shake your head.
"No, I believe in the Goddess, but I follow the Adversary. And it is her that teaches us that salvation is something we need to grasp for ourselves. Just as you've worked hard, Ariel."
Ariel nods, and sits down on a nearby chair, and you turn toward her to see that look of curiosity in your eyes.
It must be something like what your friend saw, ten years ago, when she first told you about the Order...
"I want to know," Ariel repeats.
"Then ask me, my Ariel," you say, unable to keep from smiling.
"Who are they? The Goddess and the Adversary."
You raise the feather in your hand, and look at it.
"Do you believe in magic, Ariel? Or miracles?" you ask.
"No, I don't."
"You should. What you do - what a Raven does - is the last legacy of the Goddess. It's a kind of magic, you know?" Flipping the feather in your hands..."It's something only you can do. If as a Raven you can find your answer, your reason to fight, then you can follow the path the Goddess did."
Ariel looks down at her hands. "My reason to fight...my 'answer'."
You continue to explain, as best as you know. "In the Golden Age, Ravens wielded real magic. Women who protected humanity's heart. Who fought for a better future. Whose beauty and power were the stuff of legends. The Goddess was one of them."
"You mean the Goddess was human? And a Raven?" You could see the way Ariel was lighting up - invisible to most eyes, but not to yours.
"She was the greatest. An incarnation of hope, of universal love...and she was powerful enough to envelop this whole world in her light. We call her the Princess of Sunlight, and all Ravens are her children. Beloved by her, even in this Fallen world."
You can hear the old hymns in your mind, as you speak. Performed on what musical instruments the Underground could claim or create, or shared upon worn-out tapes. You remember being embraced by hope, by new ideas for the future.
"The Goddess was human, but through her power she became something more," you say.
"But she wasn't the only Goddess." Ariel's leaned forward, just a little...
"No, she wasn't. There were those who coveted the Goddess' power. They tortured the Goddess' beloved to grasp it. The girl the Goddess left behind -"
"Girls? They're both girls?"
...you can't help but smile to yourself.
"Is that strange to you? The idea of women being in love? I thought so once, too. But, the moment I was introduced to the idea...I became obsessed. I would be told the stories, of witches and valkyries and guardians and all the other women blessed by the Goddess in the golden age, and wonder why anyone would want anything else."
Ariel nods, but says nothing.
(And yet, you can't help but notice the tinge of her cheeks has altered, if only just...)
"This girl loved her Goddess. She could not accept anyone else grasping her from heaven. And so for the sake of love, she disrupted providence for the sake of love...and became an Adversary. The devil, that opposes God...the Goddess of Sin, who transgressed the Princess of Sunlight and created a new future, one defined by love."
(...huh. Ariel seems to be shaking.)
"I...I see. That sounds very beautiful." You think she must be imagining it. Perhaps, Ariel might prefer women...? "What happened after that?"
"No one knows." You roll your shoulders, remembering all the debates you'd had about it with members of the Order. "A lot of people look at this world, and say that it must have Fallen the moment the Adversary took her throne. Me?
"I think the Fallen world isn't the world ruled by the Adversary. It's one without her. That, until the day the ancient magic returns, we are denied providence. That the only chance we have is to make a better future for women everywhere."
"...I see," Ariel says, closing her eyes - most likely to process what you've said.
"If you want to know more, I'll be glad to oblige you, Ariel." Your eye flicks to the clock. "But we don't have too much longer today, I'm due for another mission."
Ariel nods, seeming like...like she's a little more expressive now. You're glad you could help her. "If that's the case, could you teach me one of your prayers? Or the 'precepts' you've mentioned?"
"Ariel...would you give me your hand?"
Ariel nods to you, and extends her hand, palm out. You place your black feather in it, and then your hand overtop it.
(Why is your heart beating so fast?)
"The Adversary has vast black wings, from which fall black feathers, like those of a raven. It is for her the Order is named. Now, I want you to repeat after me...
"Like the ancient magic I saw in my dreams when I was young,
"With this power that can break even darkness, I want to see you smiling.
"In my trembling hand is the courage of a hand-picked flower.
"My feelings are all I can rely on.
"Calling forth the light...
"is my wish."
Ariel repeats after you, intoning to herself. And...
Just for one moment, just that briefest of moments -
you think you can see her smiling.
"...the Adversary was human once too, you said?" she asks. You should probably have her leave, but - if you had the chance, you'd stay by her side...
(You're still touching one another's hands.)
"More than that. There was a time...a time when she, and countless other women before them, didn't even know they were women."
"Didn't...know? I don't understand." Ariel...ah.
You've gone a bit far, but you can't help it. That wish you were granted, that promise granted to you by the Order...if it weren't dangerous, you'd want to scream it from the rooftops, shout 'love' at the heart of the world, and show them all how you've found happiness in being Himeko, happiness few could ever comprehend...
But.
This is Ariel. Your Ariel.
If you can trust anyone with this, it's her.
And so you smile, even as your heart trembles with fear.
"Would you like to know a secret?"
...
A prayer for the sake of love.
Even before the Order, you lived for love. You wanted, more than anything, to be loved. Ariel accepted you, even when you shared your most precious secret with her, but...
you can't ask her for the kind of love you want.
(Can you?)
All of Ariel's monitors are lit up, right down to her vitals...
It's time.
You switch your headset over to listen to the commentary feed, and wait for the match to begin...
