Teaching the Next Generation To Blame Danzo: A Jounin Sensei Quest (A Naruto AU)

Pass the Buck:

-[X]Go to Therapy: Dr. Kujo wishes to have a brief talk before everything gets started. Even though he might not like the fact you are still working. But he does appreciate that you are now finally out of the black ops, and taking it easy. RolledD100 + 10 => 52

Dr. Kujo was in, and he was not happy that you came in through the window, instead of the door. Like a normal patient or client. But that was the price he paid for working with ninjas, especially when ninjas paid for discretion. "Dammit Yamato, what did I tell you about using the window?"

You rolled your eyes and sat down on his couch. "Then you should have an office without the security problems that a window can give." You replied.

"I already tried that. You entered through the vents, remember?" He replied as he looked at his notebook. "What brings you to my office, Yamato?" He tapped a pen on the open page. "Have your nightmares returned, and they are affecting your sleep cycles?"

"Actually no." You replied. "I have a new assignment that I am feeling unwell about."

"Unwell in what way?" He asked, without hesitation.

"I have experience, but these are children? I have no qualifications to teach them, other than my own experiences-" You started.

"And you feel that those experiences are not enough to allow you to not only train them properly but will be ill-equipped to deal with the situation you find yourself in? You fear you will lead them to their deaths?"

You raised an eyebrow. "Yes, how did you-" You asked.

"I have been a therapist and psychiatrist for the ninja forces since I was a teenager. Ever since I quit being a ninja to do other things to help them." He smiled. "I've seen it on all first-time Jounin instructors. And on many more that should not have received a team at all, but were going to wing it and got them all killed. You are not sending off any warning bells in my mind that would make me think otherwise? Unless you are, and the ROOT Fuckers really fucked with your mind in ways even I cannot comprehend?"

You nodded. "I would not think so?"

"Good." He replied. "Anything else?"

"Yes, why didn't you tell anyone you were a ninja?" You asked.

"Because fuckers like you would always ask. Now get out, before I decide to bill you for-"

Breaking and entering.

Yeah, yeah, you heard it all before. At least you had the money for this man, and things could be fixed.

Reward: You met with Dr. Kujo and he said that you weren't a fuckup, and shouldn't have your team taken away.
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-[X]Investigate your Future Team: You do not know anything about them, besides the basics, and even you don't have access to their dossiers until tomorrow… So you are going to need to do things the old-fashioned way. Rolled: D100 + 10 => 70

Naruto:

The kid valued his security about as highly as that Orange Jumpsuit. The apartment may be poor and shitty, run down and uncared for, but his floor was perfect for a kid with… his reputation. Sure the Mobs and angry people who lost loved ones did not know his identity, and the Thirds Law protected him, but his reputation did not make him any favors or friends among his neighbors and the regular civilians that were caught in the crossfire.

His pranks went too far sometimes, and they took as much revenge as they legally could. Even more, the Military police were stretched thin since the massacre. Many ninjas did not want to stay in the village being police officers, even with the change in benefits and the possibility to remain with their families. Even though there were many that should. Soldiers could be retrained and MP's could keep the streets safe.

Better that way. At least Danzo wouldn't have them sign their souls away, with no way out.

You looked at the apartment and checked it out. The door was open, the lock may have been welded or melted with a fire Jutsu so that the door could only be unlocked from the inside. That meant the kid had trouble, not only with his apartment key being destroyed or stolen, but also it seems, he suffered from break-ins.

A patchwork in the door confirmed it, the multiple splintered doorframe, and of course, damage on the door itself. He resued the door, even when the landlord should have replaced it.

You walked around the building to the fire escape, and you saw two things. It seems he used the window and fire escape constantly, and he also had storage inside the lining of the wall. Cut out and nestled completely into the wall were Naruto's tools… Prankster tools, not ninja tools.

Smoke bombs that were bad smelling, almost acidic to the nose, slime that was thick, oozy and thing and watery… Then there was the paint, half-used cans of multicolored paint cans that were used to paint the monument.

You were actually impressed by the balls on the kid. He had managed to make the entire security focus around the monument to be looking elsewhere. Except for Shiro… but then again, Shiro always knew where everyone was within the city. He probably was eating some ice cream right now, talking to his cousin and brother, and trying to figure out who was missing from their routine…

Now, what else… oh?

A small conspiracy board, targets for his pranks. The names did not interest you, though you did see many of them were stiffing the Ramen place Naruto frequented. Clearly, he got revenge for the owner and his daughter. Names, money owed. It was like he was dispensing justice and revenge to keep eating at the Ramen place he loved.

All the names were crossed off. So it seems his list was completed, and he had put it away

As you entered the window, you noticed that his ninja equipment was scattered, in a disorganized pile by his laundry hamper, in a jumbled, but otherwise neat pile. It was structured in a way where everything was quick, accessible, but random as if he would know what tools he would need to use. Or he was unpredictable as hell and did not care what he used.

But the tripwire nearly caught you off guard. And the explosive tag, pointed at the door as well.

That was interesting.

He had rigged the door to blow if it was forced open when he was gone?

The tag was not powerful and was crudely made, probably some knock-off or Naruto made it himself.

Seems he did stay awake in class because that tag was unstable but perfectly powerful enough to create a loud enough boom to wake him and disorient his attackers.

Like he feared being attacked in his sleep? Or was it the fact he couldn't walk out of his own front door without assurances that he would be safe?

And everything just kept getting stranger and stranger as you looked in the kitchen. His table was awash in ramen cups. Then the fridge was open, and you smelt the spoiled milk… as well as all the rotting food.

His diet would need to change, and you would need to investigate where he was getting his food from. And if it was retaliation for his pranks?

Naruto Uzumaki was certainly becoming an enigma that you needed to untangle.
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Sasuke:

The Apartment was in the nicer part of town, on a cleaner street and there was no sign of vandalism or retaliation. The neighbors you saw were always greeting him when he walked away, and from the perch, he saw it all.

He was dismissive, acknowledging the greets but doing nothing more. A few people offered him something but he was dismissive.

As you looked at his apartment you realized something different from his teammate. He was not paranoid about his security. He must still believe, somewhere in his mind, that Konoha was a safe place. And that, in the end

The screen door to his balcony was open, and you saw an apartment that was meticulously put together.

Everything was miraculously put together. Everything from the bed, desk, and equipment is packed on the desk…

There was nothing dirty about the place.

A moment of looking showed you why. The family photo that Sasuke had… the only photo in the entire apartment that had Itachi's face scratched out.

And every other photo in his closet had Itachi scratched out.

Sasuke was erasing Itachi from his family.

Erasing him from everything.

He needed help… badly. Before he decided to do something drastic.
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Yakumo:

Ayako was waiting for you at the gates of her clan compound. And you knew she would not let you go any further. "I see." You said, and the mute nodded.


"What do you want to know?" She asked, the jutsu that pierced your mind was painful, for but a moment, and she waited.

That lady still scared you. Greatly. "I just want to know about Yakumo. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Read her file." She replied.

"That's not going to help me." You replied. "You know that."

"I know, but still, why don't you read it?"

You frowned. She was a stubborn old bat, and that was something you respected. But you also wanted to make sure there were no surprises. "Let me tell you a story Yamato." She stated as she quietly moved next to you, and handed over a picture.

It was one of the few that had Orochiumaru as a child, along with Ayako, and Tsunade. And her old friend, Nanako, is long dead from the years. "Once I had friends I could count on, friends that were always there for me, we trusted each other with our lives. But one by one, they left or died. Or become the monsters we swore we would fight against."

She then looked at you. "She is scared that she will be abandoned by those she wants to find as friends, and not be seen as a monster."

You nodded. "I will."

"No… you won't. It will be her teammates that will decide if she is a loyal friend or a monster." She said.

"And what does that mean?" You asked.

"It means it's out of your hands. And entirely in her's." She replied.

Then she disappeared… again.

Dammit!

Reward: You learn about your team.

They are all in dire need of therapy!
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The day has come… Your team is now yours.

Time to figure this out.

What do you do to greet them?:

[]Pick them up at Class: You are going to be nice and pick them up. Maybe you can see more of their personalities that way.

[]Make them Look for you: Eh, you feel like the Hokage today, make them come to you.

[]Kidnap them: You are going to cut out the middle man, and maybe see if they can get themselves out of a situation where they are in danger.

[]Make them Wait: Kakashi must be rubbing off on you. Make them wait.


Where do you take them?:
[]The Roof: The Academy roof… good times there spying on Naruto. Maybe he will appreciate it.

[]To a Street Ally: You want to have more… well you want to be hidden from your minders.

[]To the Forest of Death: Well if you are going to throw them to the wolves, might as well throw them into the deep end.

[]To a Training Ground: You have a plan. A very good plan… Hopefully, you can come up with it when you get there.

[]To your Home: Well a man's home is his castle. Time to make things interesting.

[]To a Restaurant: You are hungry, they will be too, so might as well kill two birds with one stone

AN: Plan format.

As for the Title, I'm just choosing one at random due to dice rolls.