Is... is anyone else getting Bleach flashbacks? To Isshin specifically? I'm also wondering how Daiki didn't pick up on his emotions from behind the curtain. That's... rather interesting.
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I'd also honestly say that maybe you should help underscore some of Syourin's more prominent personality traits. Aside from getting made when Akane pushed her too far she kind of comes across as a doormat. It makes the twins feel... unbalanced, like Akane is the one in charge.
I honestly wasn't thinking about Isshin when creating the character, but in retrospective they are really similar. It's good that I like Isshin's dynamic with his children.
And you will get more of Syouin's character at another time. I can only do so much in an update. Social interactions are Akane's thing. Syouin usually takes charge in combat and stressful situations, you will see at some point.
But yeah, seeing only one half of their dynamic makes it feel unbalanced. I should show Syouin in action outside social at some point. Her sister can't bully her in combat.
Also glad you liked at least a couple things from the update.
You get +1 Feedback point. You will be the first in the MHA point list once I make it.
Little surprised that there's only one dojo, ignoring the fact that it's in Japan. But Ninja training is really rare nowadays too, I can't actually recall if Ninja dojos even exist. I blame anime for making this seem weird to me.
You would be surprised. If we talk about IRL, there are a lot of dojos and martial arts schools specialized in ancient japanese martial arts, a lot of them specialized in Ninpō. If you look for the term «Bujinkan» you will probably even find a ninjutsu dojo near your home. It's kind of debatable is modern day dojos teach the real ninja arts, but they are around. In the quest world the situation is similar. A lot of dojos and schools teaching a lot of stuff but only Koga's is considered the REAL Ninja school™
I somewhat feel like this is extraneous fluff. The butler's role is mainly to do one thing in my view. This is to highlight how western the household is, butlers and maids being predominantly western compared to the more general servants that rich eastern households are seen as using. That's been done, and the purpose of the scene this line is in is to show in general how endearing Akane is, and how her sister and Daiki take that. Suddenly putting in the butler's lack of reaction, as well as how Daiki is actively scanning him with his quirk to see the butler's emotions before you write Daiki's own reaction somewhat breaks the flow and causes him to stand out in this kind of peculiar way to me.
I was actually trying to show something a bit different. I was trying to point out how out of place most of the stuff in the house is. The butler is a giant of a man clearly not a normal butler and he has enough familiarity with the twins to feel as amused as Akane. It was one of the bits of information I gave so people could get the picture of what exactly happened in that home. (Hint: He isn't a trainer butler. He is a ninja trained by Koga and Koga needed someone to be a butler but will not hire someone from outside the dojo to take care of the house.)
This feels a little wordy, as well as redundant given how often the western style of the house has been touched on. It also implies that the room's decorations have something to do with how she'll convince him, but I can't quite make the connection on how so beyond how much Koga loves his daughters.
And this part is what I thought would hammer home the point I was trying to make. The traditional ninja master changed his home to look like an English Mansion because that's what Akane wanted (Syouin too but she would never admit it.). Akane is more comfortable with all of this as you can see by the portrait, the tea and how she acts like a noble. This part was just a reaffirmation that everything about the home is her fault and she knows. She knows how easy her father is to manipulate to get what she wants even if he doesn't (Manipulate is a strong word, she still loves him but it's clearly what she does.)
Daiki pieces everything together and realizes that Akane, the more calm and gentle twin, is the evil one of the two.
But if people didn't realize the point I was trying to make it means I was too subtle or didn't point it well enough. That's my fault.
+1 feedback point for you.
She totally un-hid that painting didn't she?
That might or might not have been Koga wanting to show off how cute his little girls are.
Speaking of Koga. A higher social roll would have led to Koga talking with Daiki one on one before the twins arrived instead of just spying. A really high social roll would have led to Daiki and Koga talking about parenthood and how he doesn't get along with his dad making Koga's mistrust of him disappear. A full 100% all crits here would have made Koga so sad with your story that he would adopt you on the spot making the twins REALLY confused once they arrived.
And +1 feedback points for you too.
This little experiment is going well. Even the people who don't want to spend a lot of time pointing what they liked add a little something to their vote. That makes me really happy.
I'm also surprised by how many negative things people find. I expected 1 of every 10 feedback bits to be negative at most but it's closer to 1/5 or 1/4. I guess so many likes went to my head. I need to get better.
And oh, boy. I started asking for more feedback just in time for a soon-to-arrive kind of controversial event. That will be fun
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Edit:
Almost forgot about you. You also get a feedback point.
