Cave_Canem
Miniature Cyberwolf
I mean, it could be said they gained by now not having to set aside the money for those bounties anymore.
But yeah I don't think it was the main reason lol.
Distance Learning for fun and profit...
- Thread starter mp3.1415player
- Start date
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- Tags
- worm
I mean, it could be said they gained by now not having to set aside the money for those bounties anymore.
But yeah I don't think it was the main reason lol.
DoctorNobody
The Doctor is In(sane).
Since people wanted a Cauldron wins omake:
Alexandria stomped into the meeting room in Cauldron's secret base. "What…"
"Rebecca, Good news!" Contessa started, "The Path has reached the point where I no longer have to pretend like I can't instantly solve all of your problems with The Path, and instead instantly solve all of your problems with The Path."
She stood up and walked over the empty space by the spare coffee maker. "Door, Hebert Family Basement." A familiar portal opened and Contessa dragged a tall, gangly girl through.
"Who are y…."
She was cut off as the suited women carefully set her hat on the table, and burst into 3 minutes of the most dance-floor shattering, jaw-droppingly funky break dancing any of them would ever see.
"Contessa, that was…"
Said cape held up a hand, placed her hat back on, and snapped her fingers at the girl she'd just Door'ed in.
"Hail Cauldron," the girl said in a brainwashed monotone. "I, the Gravetec genius, am your loyal servant. Parahuman Feudalism is a good idea. But you're doing it wrong. And don't get me started on those vials. You're not using nearly enough SCIENCE."
"...And this will solve all my problems?" Alexandria asked.
"Both yours, and mine," she spun 180 degrees on her heel and snapped her fingers at Doctor Mother.
"Contessa is the best member of Cauldron," the Doctor said in a brainwashed monotone. "She deserves a raise. And a bigger office. And an all-expense paid vacation to Hawaii for putting up with our bullshit."
-----------------------------------------
3 Chapters of SCIENCE!!!! Later.
Scion lay defeated, slain by Cauldron's Jaegarmonster Legions, while above it all, TheBaron Countess ruled over Europa America from her Giant Airship.
Alexandria stomped into the meeting room in Cauldron's secret base. "What…"
"Rebecca, Good news!" Contessa started, "The Path has reached the point where I no longer have to pretend like I can't instantly solve all of your problems with The Path, and instead instantly solve all of your problems with The Path."
She stood up and walked over the empty space by the spare coffee maker. "Door, Hebert Family Basement." A familiar portal opened and Contessa dragged a tall, gangly girl through.
"Who are y…."
She was cut off as the suited women carefully set her hat on the table, and burst into 3 minutes of the most dance-floor shattering, jaw-droppingly funky break dancing any of them would ever see.
"Contessa, that was…"
Said cape held up a hand, placed her hat back on, and snapped her fingers at the girl she'd just Door'ed in.
"Hail Cauldron," the girl said in a brainwashed monotone. "I, the Gravetec genius, am your loyal servant. Parahuman Feudalism is a good idea. But you're doing it wrong. And don't get me started on those vials. You're not using nearly enough SCIENCE."
"...And this will solve all my problems?" Alexandria asked.
"Both yours, and mine," she spun 180 degrees on her heel and snapped her fingers at Doctor Mother.
"Contessa is the best member of Cauldron," the Doctor said in a brainwashed monotone. "She deserves a raise. And a bigger office. And an all-expense paid vacation to Hawaii for putting up with our bullshit."
-----------------------------------------
3 Chapters of SCIENCE!!!! Later.
Scion lay defeated, slain by Cauldron's Jaegarmonster Legions, while above it all, The
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M. H. Fuzzball
Aperture Science-certified Horrible Person
- Location
- Sector 2814
I am slightly cringing here that not once did you get Taylor Hebert's name right, but other than that, it was quite enjoyable.
- Location
- Wonderland
Lovely! She probably does.
Presumably this is the last time she's allowed to do that.
- Location
- Australia
- Pronouns
- She/Her
"Dammit woman, conflict properly!"
Jordisk
<Unverified N00B>
- Location
- Blind Eternities
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
RCB vs USS Resolution; Resolution wins. Also, by searching that registration number I found your fic, so now I am going to be reading that!
- Location
- Somewhere In Pa
- Pronouns
- Mr
Yep, pretty much. As much as I despise Cauldron on principle, it's not that they're all shadowy and spooky that bothers me; it's the combination of moral bankruptcy and abject stupidity that I abhor. This version of Doctor Mother is quite a bit less dense, and has never been fully trusting of the Path.
- Location
- Somewhere, Maybe
Nowhere near high enough gravity for that. Only white-dwarf matter, and probably not even that (though close).
The primary kaboom of this device is the imploded matter finally -ex-ploding when the gravity generator field craps out 30 milliseconds after initiation. By that point, a VERY LARGE amount of the local scenery has compacted itself to near white-dwarf matter around the generator, all of which gets summarily blasted out again when the generator craps out and releases the artificial 50,000G gravity field.
As long as they can blanket Ellisburg with enough the things to ensure that every last scrap of matter gets put through that 50k-Gee compression cycle, than nothing that Nilbog has will survive in anything approaching a viable state. They'll be so many subatomic particles being violently smeared against the remaining landscape.
That's where the primary kaboom happened. The imposion device put a crater in the ground by yoinking the ground out of the planet, then explosively deconstructed it all over the rest of the area, which flattened anything in a much larger area than the initial crunch happened.
- Location
- Logan, Queensland, australia
It does not help really help that a rather large number of 'IT Problems' appear to vanish when user follows instructions from the IT guys - i.e. arcane chants supplied by wizards - they make no effort to understand, but merely follow as if completing a ritual; down to screaming in existential terror when the system changes and the 'ritual' no longer functions; or worse, merely sending a prayer to the wizards - i.e. getting IT on the phone - makes the problem disappear.
For any non IT professional reading this, (unlikely?) any IT professional will tell you - yes, that does happen. People can literally be cursing a blue streak at their system one moment and the moment the IT person comes around the corner or answers the phone, with 'what seems to be happening?' you hear this, 'Well the damn thing... um, huh... it's working now. thanks!'
This happens so often I have started to wonder if the collective 'faith' non IT users have in IT 'magic' actually causes some reality effect that make computers resolve issues as long as the user only performs the correct ritual. j/k
Edit: I have no idea why SV showed me these posts AFTER the latest interlude (Gravity falls) when I can now clearly see that it was posted before
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- Location
- Australia
- Pronouns
- She/Her
I can see clearly now the boom is gone...
- Pronouns
- Male
What's that ending bit about?Dude, you're not the Omake Police.
And evidently he was right about it, because now I'm writing an Omake where I otherwise wouldn't have.
Hope you don't mind, mp3, love your stories and when I got this idea I had to write it
[NCC-964432 DIMENSIONAL SCANNER ONLINE]
[SCANNING DIMENSIONAL OFFSET Z-3533-B]
[EARTH-BET VARIANT DETECTED. NON-SHARD DIMENSION. CEASING SC- Oh.]
Oooooohhhh.
This is... Very Interesting indeed. What are you doing with Subspace now, Taylor?
Wait, how are you doing what with Earth-bet level power generation? Is... Is that a subspace power tap?
It is! How did she get around the-
Wait, why is Alexandria landing by her house? Is she-?
Oh. Ohh no you don't.
-------------------------------------
Alexandria landed with a sharp thud in front of the door to the Hebert household. This attack on the 9 was unacceptable, did they have no idea how many of Cauldron's carefully laid plans they had just torn asunder!?
Sure, they killed thousands of people a year as a group and had probably killed more Capes than they had actually caused to Trigger, but Fortuna said they were important!
The government might not be happy about it, but she was done playing nice with this group - this Danny Hebert was listed as being in charge of the company, so surely he would know where that damn Tinker was!
She could see movement in the surrounding houses as armed agents started to rush out in response to her arrival, but she ignored them.
Nothing they had could threaten her, and it just comfirmed she was on the right track.
"Danny Hebert, you will come out here right now and we will talk the Parahu-" She was then unceremoniously cut off as she was surrounded in blue light and a musical chime before being deposited in a field outside of Brockton Bay proper.
Danny opened the door a crack on its chain, having shot up at the superheroine shouting, and caught a glimpse of Taylor looking strangely at something on her phone before the Cape landed again.
"THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, YOU WILL-" And was once again surrounded by the strange effect, this time being rematerialized in the bay water.
Quicker than before and with a crack that caused half the glass on the street to shatter, she was back again, now dripping wet, red faced and nothing at all like the 'professional hero' she was normally known as.
"I WILL-" This time she was beamed out to a pig sty in the next state over, and would find that any attempt to move even vaguely towards Brockton Bay would result in immediately being transported back there.
"... Huh." Danny said, shrugged, and closed the door again, "Wonder what that was about?"
Meanwhile, Taylor was very interested in the scanning pulse her instruments had detected, and would be yet more so at the next thing that popped up.
[SET-CHARACTERSET=UTF-8 && LOCALE=EN-US]
[NCC-964432 RESOLUTION REQUESTING DATA EXCHANGE]
- Location
- USA
Oh christ, I feel that one. I don't work in IT anymore (health issues) but I am still the in-home tech support, and my father's computer pulls this crap constantly despite the fact I live in the same building with it. So much as walking towards it with intent to troubleshoot means it stops acting up, and this despite the fact that I'm never more than a room away from it normally.
Jordisk
<Unverified N00B>
- Location
- Blind Eternities
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
That is the MC of "Dammit Q! - Or, I Guess I'm a StarShip Now" setting his text encoding to UTF-8, setting his language to English, and attempting to initiate contact with a being. One can assume that the being he is attempting to contact is capable of processing English Text encoded in UTF-8 format. As such, I believe he is contacting Taylor, since she is doing neat things with sub-space.
😐😑😐
Really? I mean, good song and all, but really?
- Location
- SoCal
As the only computer literate person in the office who effectively serves as IT it's a running gag around there. "Greg, come here and watch me do this so it will work!"
Cave_Canem
Miniature Cyberwolf
Oh, god so much this.
It's like there's a proto-WAAAAGH and they believe the computers work better after I trudge my way up there. Vast majority of times I go up to their office it just starts working again.
I wouldn't mind do much, but *I* don't know what's fixing it either!
And yeah that's ship-me basically going "Notice me Senpai!" to DistanceLearning Taylor and asking for that delicious [DATA].
Foxy Boxes
[Verified Box]
- Location
- England
Clearly they were supposed to be the heroes, but you know how players be.
With the bounties for the 9, they can cover 'impractical'
- Location
- The general area. Possibly behind you.
Back when I was doing computer repair for a living the number of machines I healed by the laying on of hands is insane.
"Go forth and error no more, my son! Out, demons of memory fault! REBOOT!"
And so on
There was one particular brand of computer I fixed literally dozens of by simply slapping in the right place with one hand. A few times in front of the user, which invariably made them look at me like I was mad, right up until it immediately worked again. A design flaw where one card tended to pull out just enough to cause the thing to start to glitch until you hit it just right so it reseated, but it sure looked like magic
Not to mention there were indeed cases where even I never figured out why it worked when I was trying to find the fault but instantly died when the user merely touched it...
Technology sometimes gets a somewhat malicious life of its own 🤷♂️
- Location
- I thought you had the map?
"By the power and mercy of our Lord and Programmer Steve Jobs shalt thou be reformatted. HEAL!"
- Location
- California
Back when I was doing computer repair for a living the number of machines I healed by the laying on of hands is insane.
"Go forth and error no more, my son! Out, demons of memory fault! REBOOT!"
And so on
There was one particular brand of computer I fixed literally dozens of by simply slapping in the right place with one hand. A few times in front of the user, which invariably made them look at me like I was mad, right up until it immediately worked again. A design flaw where one card tended to pull out just enough to cause the thing to start to glitch until you hit it just right so it reseated, but it sure looked like magic
Not to mention there were indeed cases where even I never figured out why it worked when I was trying to find the fault but instantly died when the user merely touched it...
Technology sometimes gets a somewhat malicious life of its own 🤷♂️
*ANGRY TECHPRIEST NOISES*
HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PROPERLY CONSECRATING YOUR MACHINE IN HOLY OILS DAILY AND RECITED THE LITANY OF THE MACHINE SPIRIT?!
But yeah, percussive maintenance works for so many problems...
- Location
- So near, yet so far
I remember a story about a knight whose heirloom sword gets bent way out of shape. He goes to many swordsmiths but they all tell him that his sword is something beyond them (I don't know, a different metallurgy technique beyond its time or something). Finally one of them tells him about a very old legendary swordsmith most don't even remember anymore retired to a little village.Back when I was doing computer repair for a living the number of machines I healed by the laying on of hands is insane.
"Go forth and error no more, my son! Out, demons of memory fault! REBOOT!"
And so on
There was one particular brand of computer I fixed literally dozens of by simply slapping in the right place with one hand. A few times in front of the user, which invariably made them look at me like I was mad, right up until it immediately worked again. A design flaw where one card tended to pull out just enough to cause the thing to start to glitch until you hit it just right so it reseated, but it sure looked like magic
Not to mention there were indeed cases where even I never figured out why it worked when I was trying to find the fault but instantly died when the user merely touched it...
Technology sometimes gets a somewhat malicious life of its own 🤷♂️
He goes and finds the guy, the old man just looks it over for a few seconds, puts it under his mattress, and sits on it... instantly straightening it. The knight takes it with incredulity and checks it any way he can think but it's perfect.
The old man asks what is a lot of money but reasonable for repairing something no one else can. The knight gets angry, saying he just sat on it. The old guy takes the sword from him and casually just bends it back. The knight puts it under the mattress again and sits on it but the sword gets broken.
The moral of the story; even the ass of the master is a master. So don't let them underestimate or undervalue your hitting it on the side.
Back when I was doing computer repair for a living the number of machines I healed by the laying on of hands is insane.
"Go forth and error no more, my son! Out, demons of memory fault! REBOOT!"
And so on
There was one particular brand of computer I fixed literally dozens of by simply slapping in the right place with one hand. A few times in front of the user, which invariably made them look at me like I was mad, right up until it immediately worked again. A design flaw where one card tended to pull out just enough to cause the thing to start to glitch until you hit it just right so it reseated, but it sure looked like magic
Not to mention there were indeed cases where even I never figured out why it worked when I was trying to find the fault but instantly died when the user merely touched it...
Technology sometimes gets a somewhat malicious life of its own 🤷♂️
This. So much this. It reminds me of a story from the very early days of tech, the tale of the magic switch: A Story About 'Magic'
There's a very good reason the best tech guys are called Wizards, you know!
Cave_Canem
Miniature Cyberwolf
*ANGRY TECHPRIEST NOISES*
HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PROPERLY CONSECRATING YOUR MACHINE IN HOLY OILS DAILY AND RECITED THE LITANY OF THE MACHINE SPIRIT?!
But yeah, percussive maintenance works for so many problems...
Techpriests are just super overworked IT technicians that have just given up making their job look anything other than magic, it all makes sense now!
Even they don't fully understand why things work better after their rituals, but they're terrified of changing them because last time they tried Dave got eaten by the photocopier.
I rather think that they're less IT technicians and more machine spirit babysitters. Like I can imagine them asking a machine to turn on and do their job but the machine spirit throws a tantrum, noooooo I dunnnn wannnna. Then techpriest has to coo in binary and offers a treat of holy oils or something.