All right, gonna do all over chapter 7 (4 parts) here.
(7.1)
Asuka immediately starting putting food and drink into the bag, before Misato stopped her by dropping one of the blankets on her head.
Immediately started.
(7.3)
"Hmm... no. It's a nice idea, but he's sure to know that he'd run into us eventually there. It needs to be a quiet and secluded place where nobody would go. Some place like..." Misato stopped and her eyes widened as inspiration struck. "The overlook!"
So you have Misato explain the significance of the overlook, and then we go to the overlook. You could, in principle, have Misato say, "I have an idea where he might've gone," and then just take us to the overlook. Maybe just throw away one or two lines of Misato explaining to Asuka what it means.
"Mama, I... I never got to say goodbye to you. Your heart and mind were stolen by Unit-02. When we finally found each other again, I still didn't get the chance. We both died fighting to our last breath. And when we finally met face to face, you were in such a hurry to get me to return and save Shinji that neither of us had the chance. But now I can-" Asuka stopped as she looked down into the crater. She whirled around to face Misato with a pale look on her face.
"Asuka? What's wrong?" she asked as Asuka frantically waved her over. Misato trotted to the edge and looked down.
"Look down there! What do you see?!" Asuka demanded.
Misato carefully took in the view beneath them and slowly answered. "I see... the Geofront. It's been devastated by the attack. There's wrecked JSSDF vehicles down there. Even the destroyer in the lake is gone. What am I look- ...oh." It quickly dawned on her that there was a very large, very important detail that she couldn't spot. The entire reason they had come to this place.
You're occupying this perspective that's outside any one person right now--neither Misato's nor Asuka's. I think it's something you've leaned on for a while since Asuka and Misato found each other.
Here, Misato describes in dialogue what she sees, and we don't directly see it. It's as though the camera is on Asuka and Misato's faces and we never see the lack of a Unit-02 down there. That feels a little unnatural to me.
I think you'd stand to benefit from having more of what's going on described through narration--including the significance of things, not just what's actively going on. I just think it's better to reserve dialogue for things that are important to pay attention to and important for the characters to communicate. A lot of what Asuka and Misato say to each other, in terms of what we see them say, seems to take up a lot of time for nothing new really being said, you know?
(7.4)
Despite the scream sounding like it had originated further along the lip of the crater, it also sounded as if Shinji had been right next to Asuka. Without a word to Misato, she dropped her pack and dashed off in the direction it had come from. She could still hear the scream echoing in her ears as she ran over and around the rubble.
I think you're trying to say it sounds close and distant all at the same time. How so? In what way?
This passage does a better job of using narration, I will say.
"No, the rescuer wasn't even human," Asuka said. "In fact, if my guess is right, we were saved by an Angel."
Okay, let's recap here. Asuka and Shinji are about to fall, and they're saved. The way you have it structured, we cut away from Asuka about to lose her grip to her being safe.
To be honest, it didn't even occur to me at the time that something supernatural or strange had happened. I just assumed Asuka managed to pull it off somehow. Then, you have Asuka explain that it was an Angel (which they both come to the conclusion it was Kaworu, and they immediately start to try figuring out why).
I would do this somewhat differently, I think. Again, you end up with Asuka describing what happened in dialogue, which reduces the immediacy and vividness of what's being described. I would just go for it: show Kaworu saving her.
I would also cut down on this post-event analysis. Once it's clear to Misato who saved Asuka, everything else that establishes his identity is unnecessary. We already know all this.
Moreover, since Asuka and Misato can only just go, "Hmm, that was weird," it makes for a difficult transition into trying to find a way back home. I would consider having Asuka not even discuss that Kaworu saved them until after that issue is dealt with, honestly. It's important that issues be discussed in a progression that can move forward, and there's just nowhere to go with the idea of Kaworu being alive. Not now. It'd be a good place to end an installment, though, as then you can change subjects easily.
"But I do not want to win by default," the boy answered with a smile. "It would be a hollow victory and prove nothing. Your children must fight mine at their best. Anything less is unacceptable."
So, would you take the position that the Kaworu who appears in Shinji's mind during EoE isn't Kaworu/Adam at all? Because that one seems to encourage Shinji to reclaim his reality. It seems odd, to me, that Adam and Lilith would be at odds with each other right now.
The eyes of Lilith turned blank as she saw something beyond the sight of either of them. "Even here, I cannot see into his mind anymore. That is unfortunate. I can only sense indistinct snatches of pain and grief. All I can do now is pray that I have done enough to aid him." She sighed heavily and began to float away. "We should return now. Our forms can no longer maintain permanent stability outside of the Sea, and I know that your rescue effort has taxed you greatly."
Rei could do many things. Sighing is not one I imagine, really.
Lilith is saying things to Adam that he should not need explained to him--he should know well enough he can't sustain form outside the Sea very well. This is information you should try working in more elegantly, and probably in narration.
Moreover, Lilith's remarks about not being able to see much of Shinji's mind any longer doesn't seem to follow as a response to Adam's remarks.
I'm surprised that their bodies are "corporeal" or flesh and blood in any such sense. They're not alive the way regular human beings are. They're...manifesting their presences from the ocean, right?
I'm also puzzled that Adam doesn't seem to acknowledge or respond to Lilith's gratitude. It makes it seem like the last paragraph doesn't follow.
Overall: things are ramping up, with more revealed about Lilith's intentions and the battle with Adam. You've done a good job helping reveal the conflict slowly and over time, keeping things grounded.
Still, I think sometimes you give too much away, too directly, and you put descriptions and exposition in the characters' mouths too often.
I'm gonna catch up on this, eventually...
