Huh, I somehow missed the last couple of post alerts.
Muphrid, I look forward to seeing your comments on my later chapters. It's good to see someone going into detail and being... is nitpicky the right word? I WANT someone to analyse these sorts of things and you're doing a good job.
I don't know if I'll be capable of changing much in the way of ambiguity though. The way I'm writing now feels... right I suppose. Certainly not perfect, but as I've already said, this is my first time actually sitting down and making a story.
With that said, here's the next chapter. More talkiness I'm afraid. Chapter 7 will actually have things happening for once.
God, these last few chapters feel like Attack of the Clones. Standing and talking. Sitting and talking. More talking...
******
Chapter 6
As the grey pre-dawn light filled the sky, Misato was shaken out of her slumber. She instinctively grabbed the at the person above her, before her mind woke up. The familiar hiss of pain reminded her who the girl was. Asuka had an unreadable expression on her face, and Misato let go of her arm and sat up with a loud yawn.
"Asuka, what's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost," Misato sleepily said. She watched as Asuka backed up and started fidgeting, apparently ignoring the pain in her arm.
"W-well I guess you could say that..." Asuka eventually stammered out. The redhead was unable to sit still. She paced up and down a nearby aisle. Misato could tell there was something big on her mind.
"So why did you wake me up? It's not even morning yet. I need my beauty sleep!"
"Sorry Misato, but I... I had to tell you this before I forgot."
"Forgot what? Was it a nightmare?" Misato asked concernedly. The major knew that Asuka sometimes had trouble sleeping, but she very rarely brought it up, as Asuka would always get evasive and angry.
"No, nothing like that," Asuka replied. "I'm pretty sure it wasn't a dream at all. More like a... memory."
"Must have been a pretty important memory for you to wake me up at whatever time you call this."
"Oh please, I had to get up nearly this early for training back in Berlin." Asuka took a deep breath and turned to face Misato. "Remember how last night we spoke about you and Kaji, and then how I couldn't remember much from my 'perfect world'?" Misato nodded. "Well I'm positive that it all just came back to me..."
******
Asuka awoke in an orange fog. The horrific injuries from moments before were suddenly gone, just like her plugsuit. In its place was the yellow sundress she adored. Ahead of her, an indistinct figure loomed, arms outstretched towards her. A familiar voice reached her ears, sounding as if she were underwater.
"Mein liebling..." The voice finally became more distinct.
"Mama..." Asuka's eyes widened in disbelief.
"Asuka, darling..."
Asuka scrambled to her feet and charged through the orange haze surrounding her, colliding with the figure and tightly wrapping her arms around its waist. The woman seemed unfazed by the impact, and wrapped her own arms around the sobbing girl. They both sat there for what felt like an eternity, before Asuka finally sniffled and looked up into the same sapphire eyes she had inherited.
"Mama, is it really you...?"
"Yes dear, it's me."
The tears almost started flowing again, but Asuka got herself under control once more. She relaxed her grip slightly on her mother, and looked around at the orange mist surrounding them. There were blurry shapes in the fog, and all Asuka could make out were vague silhouettes of people moving past the two females.
"Where are we?" she finally asked. As her eyes slowly adjusted to the strange world, Asuka could see that they were both standing in a busy plaza. The orange murkiness was too thick to recognise the area. Shadows would appear out of the fog and swerve to avoid the two redheads, but otherwise paid them no attention.
"Instrumentality. Complementation. The end result of Third Impact. It is somewhere that you do not belong," Kyoko replied.
"What kind of answer is that? I'm here with you, Mama. This is where I belong!"
"And I would love nothing more than to spend every moment with you, but this place is a lie. You do not deserve a false existence."
"What?! No! I don't care if it's not real, I don't want to lose you again, Mama!"
Delicate hands cupped Asuka's face, and Kyoko's thumbs gently wiped away the brimming tears.
"Asuka, you never lost me. I have always been with you."
Asuka angrily pushed away from her mother and stepped back. "But... where were you when my mind was being destroyed by the Angel? Where were you when I was bleeding out into a bathtub?!"
Kyoko put up her hands in a placating gesture. "I was there, Asuka. You were so tightly closed off that I couldn't reach you. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you. Only at the very end was I able to finally break through the walls around your heart. But... now is not a time to be stuck in the past. Neither of us can change what has already happened. All we can do now is work towards the future."
She softly grasped Asuka's hand, and guided her through the fog to a set of benches. The shadows already there ignored them as they sat down in an empty spot. They appeared to be talking animatedly, but no sound came forth from their featureless faces.
"Asuka, if you stay here with me, you will have no future." Kyoko indicated the shadows around them. "Every single human on Earth is in here with us. You must go, or you will eventually lose yourself and become nothing more than an insignificant speck within this sea of souls."
"I don't want to leave you! You're the only one who cares about me, Mama."
"That's not true, mein liebling. There are other people who hold you in their heart."
"Who could possibly care about me like you do?"
A silhouette moving past them suddenly changed direction and walked up to them, solidifying as it approached. Indistinct grey flesh turned pink and healthy, and the clothes gained their own colour. The purple-haired woman grinned cheekily at Asuka before lifting a beer can in salute.
"Misato? She only paid attention to me because I was a pilot. She wouldn't have even bothered with me otherwise."
The scientist frowned and crossed her arms. "Asuka, you know that's not true. The reason she seemed distant was because her job was so demanding. What about back at NERV Berlin? Don't you remember the time you two spent together back then??"
Asuka did remember. Misato had been her temporary guardian before Kaji had come along. "Yeah, we got along like a house on fire," she muttered with a sigh.
Kyoko laughed quietly. "Yes," she replied. "Chaos. People screaming and running everywhere. You two caused so much mischief I'm amazed they let Misato stay with you that long."
"Hey, that guy's coat was on fire when I got there!" Asuka was trying to stay angry, but the wonderful memories of her time with Misato in Germany simply wouldn't let her. There had been too much fun with Misato as her guardian in Berlin. When she wasn't training and creating havoc, the two of them would relax on a couch and stuff themselves with snacks while watching awful television shows, or go out on shopping trips and try on clothes they had no intention of buying.
"Alright alright, I'll admit that one person cared about me as a person."
"She isn't the only one either, Asuka."
"Let me guess. Kaji?"
As they spoke, the woman backed into the fog with a wave, and was lost within seconds amongst the crowd. A tall figure stepped towards them and smirked at the pair. Kyoko's gentle smile turned into a frown at the sight of the NERV agent and Asuka's own expression slowly changed as she realised that her mother somehow knew everything she had done to try and get the man's attention.
"The less said about that, the better I think. It's true that he cares for you, but I wasn't talking about him."
Another silhouette stepped forward to take the agent's place. This one had brown hair held in pigtails, and wore a familiar school uniform and a hopeful expression.
"Okay, this one's obvious. Hikari and I were friends I suppose. I just believed she liked me purely because I'm a pilot. You know, hitching her wagon to mine. But... no, that's not Hikari at all. She liked just about everyone in the class, even those two stooges."
The girl smiled and waved at Asuka, before turning and running back towards two shadows. The taller one waved lazily at Asuka while the second one appeared to be adjusting its glasses. The three of them disappeared into the fog. Asuka watched them disappear with a sad smile on her face.
Another stepped forward. Unlike the other images, this figure was still hazy and indistinct even at close range. It took much longer to solidify to a point where the two women could discern any details. All that Asuka could make out was a familiar haircut and dark blue eyes, but that was enough to identify this person. Despite the rest of his body still being shrouded, Asuka recognised the kicked-puppy look. Even here, the boy seemed unable to maintain eye contact with her.
"Are you kidding me? Him?!" Asuka exclaimed. "Stupid Shinji? He doesn't care about me at all! I tried everything to get him to even look at me and nothing worked!"
"Did you ever stop to think about why he appeared to ignore you?"
"Maybe because he hates me? Because he's a gottverdammte coward?"
"Watch your language, young lady." Kyoko reprimanded.
"Sorry, Mama..." Asuka hung her head, ashamed.
"It wasn't because he hated you. Nor was he ignoring you. In fact, that poor boy's story is so similar to what happened to you and I that it shocks me. If I had known then what I know n-" Kyoko paused, causing Asuka to look up at her.
"Mama? What do you know? How is the idiot similar to me?"
"I-I don't understand how I actually know this but... Shinji's mother, Yui Ikari, died in the same experiment I ran."
"Experiment? What experiment?"
"Ah, I suppose you were too young to fully remember." Kyoko spoke at length, explaining the Contact Experiments and how she had attempted to succeed where Yui Ikari had seemingly failed. Only now did she come to understand that Yui's attempt was a complete success, and her own effort technically a partial success. Asuka could see the look of disgust on her mother's face as Kyoko looked back at what two separate individuals had done to their own children in the name of science. Kyoko shook her head and looked back at Asuka, who was staring at nothing while the older woman spoke.
"Asuka, I am so sorry for what I did to you. I never planned to be trapped inside Unit-02. At the time, all I wanted to do was prove I could accomplish something that someone else failed at, and that's a horrible excuse for leaving you like I did. Can you ever forgive me?"
The young girl simply stared at Kyoko for a moment, before scooting closer and enveloping her in a hug. "I never hated you for leaving me, Mama," she mumbled with her face buried in her mother's shoulder. "And I understand now, you never truly left. You were always watching over me while I was in Unit-02."
Kyoko smiled softly and returned the embrace. They both sat there for a while, in a warm cocoon of warmth and love. "So you see, you and Shinji are more alike than you think," she said, bringing the conversation back to the Third Child.
Asuka initially scoffed at the idea, but thought carefully about her own past as well as what she had just been told. Despite her initial belief that Shinji's position as an Eva pilot had come about due to nepotism, she had noticed the elder Ikari's lack of care about his own son. The negligence, and how hard Shinji seemed to try to get his father's attention, had often made Asuka remember how quickly her own father had turned his attention away from his daughter. The man instead devoted his time towards the female doctor that had been looking after his wife.
"I... guess you're right, Mama." Asuka let go of her mother and leaned back on the bench, looking up at the orange 'sky'. "The only time I really saw Papa after you died was on my birthday or at Christmas, if he even bothered to remember. He'd show up with that... that bitch on his arm, shove a meagre gift into my hands and leave."
"I know, Asuka," Kyoko's voice turned icy as she shared Asuka's memories. Although Kyoko was understandably upset at how quickly her husband had found another woman, while she was still alive, she was positively livid that he had completely neglected his own daughter as well. "If I ever find that arschloch in here I'm going to give him such a thrashing..."
"Language, Mama."
"Watch your tone with me, young lady," Kyoko scowled, but there was no heat behind it. "This may be an imaginary place but I can still tan your hide." The two redheads stared at each other, before they both started laughing. Eventually Asuka sobered up and gazed intently into the face of the shadow before them as if searching for something.
"Well, now I understand why even a kiss didn't work on him," she sighed as she turned back to her mother. Kyoko, to the girl's mild surprise, didn't seem fazed by that event as it passed before their mental eyes.
"In a better world, Asuka, that might have worked," Kyoko remarked as the memory ended. Her eyes remained unfocused as she continued. "It could very well have been the point at which the two of you could start to heal together. All that was needed was a little... something else. Perhaps a kind word at an earlier point in time, or even something as simple as one of you holding the other that night."
Kyoko's gaze shifted back to her daughter. "Well, as I said before, we can't change the past. I'm not even sure the power behind Third Impact could accomplish such a feat."
"Hah. If Third Impact could do that, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be standing in this strange place chatting to each other about time travel in the first place."
Shinji's image had long since faded away into the background, but Asuka remained staring at where it had been standing, as if willing it to come back. Something about the boy they had just seen finally clicked in Asuka's mind.
"Why did the idiot's image look so... hazy? All the others looked like the real person, but he was still just a shadow."
Once again, Kyoko did not speak for a while. "Shinji Ikari has already left this place," she finally answered. "Or perhaps he was never in here. It's difficult for me to tell."
"Huh, what's so special about him? Did he have a V.I.P. pass or something?"
"...Shinji was a special case, I guess you could say."
Asuka raised an eyebrow. Her last few questions had seemed to perplex Kyoko, only for her to suddenly come up with the answers. If it weren't for the fact that only the two of them were truly present, she would swear that one of the silhouettes was whispering answers into her mother's ear. She motioned for Kyoko to continue.
"Shinji's reason for not being here with the rest of humanity isn't exactly... pleasant." Kyoko slowly said as she hugged herself. Asuka's only response was to stare back at her mother and cross her arms. "Shinji... Shinji was the one who initiated Third Impact..."
******
"WHAT?!"
The shriek almost deafened Asuka. "Yeah Misato, that was pretty much my reaction too." She removed her hands from her ears and sighed. "It's true, believe it or not. Stupid Shinji was the one who destroyed the world and killed everybody."
Misato's face seemed to be frozen in a look of pure shock and disbelief. She did not want to believe what the girl had just told her. The woman eventually managed to force out a response. "The last time I saw Shinji, he... he was almost dead on his feet. I was literally dragging him through NERV. Are we even talking about the same boy who disobeyed his father and refused to kill his friend? How could my Shinji possibly commit genocide?!"
Asuka raised an eyebrow slightly as Misato said 'my Shinji', but elected not to comment on it. "According to my mother, his mental state was exactly what caused Third Impact to happen. She mentioned a lot of stuff about the Mass Production Evangelions, SEELE, Wondergirl, and the Angel in Terminal Dogma. They were all tied together in some bizarre ritual that... brought Lilith back to life or something." Asuka's voice turned sarcastic. "In her infinite wisdom, she handed the big red button for Third Impact to a person who was one step away from most likely blowing his own brains out."
"Wow I... I knew he took the death of that Kaworu boy really hard," Misato stammered. "But surely that wouldn't make him want to... kill everyone..."
"You're right. It wasn't enough. While my mother was rather... vague on some of the details, she said that this had been slowly building up inside Shinji for a long time. Possibly his entire life."
As Asuka continued relaying the information her mother had given her, things started clicking together in Misato's head. Shinji had always seemed like a quiet and shy young man. Misato had noticed the boy withdrawing further into his shell as the Angel War progressed, but she had mistakenly believed that it was simply his personality, combined with the horrors of battle against monstrous beings.
To know that her surrogate son had been slowly getting crushed by so many traumatic events over the last year, without ever asking for help... it sent a shiver down the woman's spine. Being forced to kill a friend would certainly not have been enough to send Shinji into a suicidal depression, but combined with everything else in his life? No wonder he hadn't cared about the soldier pointing a gun at him. Misato shook her head and focused back on what Asuka was saying.
"...knew more than she was telling me."
"Huh? What was that last part?"
"I said, I'm positive my mother knew more than she was telling me," Asuka repeated. "Mama had all this information on what had happened, despite being trapped in Unit-02 for ten years. I asked her how she knew so much, but she got evasive and said that the knowledge was just there in her brain somehow."
"Hmm, maybe she managed to put things together as you two were discussing them," Misato pondered. "She was a scientist."
"No, I mean that it was like she knew everything before I asked. Mama was withholding details from me."
"Did Kyoko say what happened between Kaworu's death and the JSSDF attack? I remember seeing Shinji right after he killed Kaworu. He was incredibly dispirited, no surprise, but he was still mentally... there. When I found him during the attack, it was like he barely noticed what was happening around him."
Asuka shook her head. "No, that was one of the things she claimed not to know. Mama got really shifty when I asked, and the subject quickly shifted back to how I needed to return to reality."
The two of them began to eat breakfast as the sun shone through the window, and Asuka continued her story.
******
"Look, Asuka. I know you have many questions," Kyoko said. "But I simply don't have all the answers. Even if I did, there's no time to give them all to you. You must leave before you lose yourself!"
"But... can't you at least come with me, Mama?" Asuka pleaded as she tightly hugged the woman's arm. "I don't want to lose you again!"
Kyoko gently broke Asuka's grip on her body, cupping the girls hands in her own and staring into her eyes. "I don't even know if I have a real body. Unit-02 has housed my soul for ten years. It doesn't matter if I cannot leave this place, because I will always be with you Asuka."
Asuka sniffled. "Promise, Mama? Will you always be with me?"
"Of course I will, mein lieblling. You are Asuka Langley Soryu. My daughter. Not even Third Impact can change that. And there's something else that will never change." She bent down and gently kissed Asuka on her forehead. "I am so proud of you, Asuka, and I will always love you."
The two of them slowly got back to their feet. Asuka wiped her eyes clear before staring into her mother's eyes. A single nod from Kyoko was returned, and Asuka spun on her heel and sprinted into the fog. As she ran, she started to feel the pain of her mutilation return to her body. Looking down, Asuka noticed she was back in her plugsuit, with bandages around her right arm. Her left eye's vision dimmed and went black as the agony made itself known. Asuka ignored everything and continued running, even as her feet left the ground and the air thickened around her. The last thing she remembered before the pain shut her body down was the smell of blood.
******
Kyoko watched her daughter run off, and prayed silently for her safety. After several minutes, she spoke to the air.
"So... how did I do?"
A young figure stepped out of the shadowy crowd behind her. Red eyes bored into the woman's back for several seconds before the girl finally answered.
"Asuka Langley Soryu has left the Sea. She is now beyond my sight. You have successfully done as I requested."
"But will it work? Will she be able to help Shinji?" Kyoko slumped back onto the bench.
"I am I cannot answer that, Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu," the girl answered in her usual monotone. She walked around the bench and sat down next to Kyoko, staring at where Asuka had disappeared. "My connection with Shinji Ikari slowly grows weaker as time passes. At this point, his mental state is rapidly degrading while he remains alone. He is becoming consumed by his guilt, his despair and grief. Humanity is not yet ready to return on their own, therefore I was forced to make someone leave that can help him. Asuka Langley Soryu was the most logical choice, given their history. That is why I insisted that your daughter leave as soon as possible, while I am still able to observe and attempt to lend aid from inside Instrumentality. All we can do now is wait and hope that your daughter can save him from himself."
"Ayanami-" Kyoko started to respond, before the girl interrupted her.
"My name is Lilith. Though I share her physical appearance, I am no longer Rei Ayanami."
"Lilith, then," Kyoko sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I... God, I'm starting to wish you hadn't dropped all that knowledge in my head. I cannot simply forgive the boy for... for that, regardless of what he's been through.Why did you make me withhold information from my own daughter? She needed to know everything that happened to Shinji if she's going to help him, even the bad stuff."
"Yes, and she will find the answers. However, she must hear them from Shinji Ikari. He must be the one to tell your daughter. Telling her now would only damage whatever fragile link still remains between the two."
"What, you think Shinji confessing that he used Asuka as a masturbatory aid will somehow help them?" Kyoko scoffed.
"Shinji Ikari will eventually force himself to tell her what happened. It is not an act that he will be able to live with unless he attempts to make amends. Perhaps your daughter will forgive him when he does, perhaps not. Only time will tell."
"I hope you know what you're doing. Like I said to Asuka, not even Third Impact can turn back time..." Kyoko frowned and raised an eyebrow at Lilith. "...can it? Could we have prevented all this from happening?"
Lilith shook her head. "Even if it were possible, there was simply too much that would have to change in order to prevent events from unfolding as they have. Lives would have to be improved, SEELE would need to be stopped, as well as Gendo Ikari. Sending someone back would create ripples in time. Those ripples could very well lead to a worse outcome, such as all three Children being murdered and SEELE gaining full control of Instrumentality."
"I see..."
The scientist and the mother of humanity were quiet for a long time. Taking the silence as a cue that their conversation was ended, Lilith got to her feet and began to walk into the crowd.
"Wait!" Kyoko yelled at the girl's back. Lilith stopped and looked over her shoulder, but did not speak. "Will... will it be possible for me to leave this place eventually too? Will I ever see my daughter again?"
The silence stretched out as they regarded each other. Lilith eventually said a single word, before turning and disappearing into the fog. Kyoko stared into nothingness until her eyes began to water, and the scene around her started to fade out of existence. Sighing, she stood up and slowly vanished into the crowd.
