Timelooping Tinker
Epilogue 2: Bakuda and the Blasts from the Pasts!
2014
Contessa stepped out of a portal onto the twentieth floor of a high-rise hotel. The hotel was nothing special but its contents were priceless. The rewards she had created for Bakuda. Payment to the tinker for the technology she built for Cauldron's new incarnation, the Dimensional-Space Administrative Bureau.
Contessa checked her watch. An unnecessary habit, given her power, but she was trying to appear more human these days.
It was showtime.
The door to a nearby room blew open in a flash of light and a blast of heat. The debris took a few seconds to settle. Then there was a 'thump' from inside the room. A scorched mattress dropping to the floor after having been used as a shield.
A young woman came to the door. She wore jeans and a plain white tee shirt, set off by her long, dark, matted hair. She peered down the hallway.
"The coast is clear, Dad. I think we're safe." said the girl.
"Yes. You're perfectly safe here, Taylor Hebert." said Contessa, with a warm smile.
"Augh!" cried Taylor. "I didn't see you there, behind me. Sneaky."
Contessa nodded.
Taylor looked at her with a shy smile. "I'm kind of lost here. There weren't any bugs in my room, and I can't control the bugs in the other rooms, which is totally freaky. Oh, I'm Weaver, by the way! I'm the new bug controlling hero in New Wave."
Contessa smiled.
"...oh, you knew that already. I mean, uh, great! You know me! You must be one of our fans! Heh, I'm still getting used to having a public identity. Pleased to meet you, Miss, uh..." After a few seconds of silence without a reply, she barreled on, "...Miss whatever your name is! You're safe with me, citizen. Except, uh, maybe not, since I don't know where I am, and I can't control the bugs around here, and I'm kind of freaking out, and-"
Taylor's father Danny appeared in the door behind her and put his arm around her shoulders. "Calm down, Taylor. I'm sure there's a good explanation. Miss, do you know where we are? The last thing we remember we were in Brockton Bay, preparing for one of Taylor's publicity events, and then we woke up locked in this hotel room."
"You're on Earth Aleph. Your reality was overwritten by a time loop, but I was able to restore your existence. Sort of."
"...what?"
Contessa patiently waited for them to understand.
Danny scratched his head. "Uh...now that you mention it, I do have a memory of something happening at the end. It was strange, like, uh..."
"...like the fabric of reality itself tearing apart, and a new reality bursting into being as we faded away into nonexistence. Cold and dark forever and ever and ever..." Taylor shivered. "Grace told me about the time loops, but I thought that was just her being eccentric as usual. God. So that's what it feels like to be written out of existence?"
"No. Our theory is that the time loops were merely simulated experiences in the minds of the 'looping' capes. You and your reality never existed, and your memories are an illusion."
Taylor blinked. "Uh. Then how-"
"I created you by cloning the Taylor and Danny Hebert from this reality and implanting you with artificial memories to make you believe you are the simulated people from the loop. I can't say how well your memories match the originals, but my power guarantees that Grace won't be able to distinguish you from the simulated people she knew.
"To ease your transition into your new life, I also gave you artificial memories of Grace explaining the loops to you, and a memory of your old world being erased from existence."
Taylor shivered again. "Oh God. Was that last part really necessary?"
Contessa nodded sagely. "Yes. Sometimes a small sad is necessary for bigger happies."
"Urgh. Fine. So there are two of me now? Where's the me from this reality? Can I meet her?"
Contessa's power alerted her to impending sads. She asked her power for a solution to soften the blow, and it obliged.
"No. You have to stay on Earth Aleph for now. This world is nearly identical to your own so you and the other clones will be right at home."
"There are more of us?"
Contessa smiled. "Grace went through two hundred and nine loops, so she made quite a few friends."
A flood of insects poured under the door to a nearby room, carrying a circuit board with pins and strips of metal soldered on the top, with wires trailing behind. The bugs carried the contraption up the side of the door next to the lock. There was a sudden spark, and a spherical segment of the lock mechanism was transmuted into a haze of dust.
The door opened and a second Taylor walked out, with a second Danny following behind her.
"I overheard your conversation." said the new Taylor. "I guess you were the one trying to control my bugs."
A small swarm of flies rose from around her and flew toward the first Taylor. When they reached the halfway point between the two Taylors they jittered in place for a moment, then flew in a straight line to the first Taylor's side.
"Ahhh, that's better!" The first Taylor smiled, then had her bugs form a floating smiley face to emphasize her point. "I get restless without my bugs. Thanks, me!"
"You're welcome." said the second Taylor. She was taller by a few inches, and her voice was more mellow, more mature. "You were in New Wave, huh? I'm jealous."
"Heh. You were an independent hero? Or...oh no, don't tell me you bent your knee to the incompetent, prejudiced bigots in the PRT. You're too good for them "
The second Taylor went still.
"Come on, spill it. You're my alternate self, this is amazing! I want to hear about your adventures as a hero! What team did you join?"
The second Taylor bit her lip. "I kind of joined, uh...all of them."
"What?"
"Well, I started out in the Empire-"
The first Taylor gasped. "They're villains! And Nazis! They're villain Nazis!"
"I know! I was stupid! They saved my life and they were my only friends and I was stupid! But after a week in the Empire, Bakuda kidnapped me and put a bomb in my skull and made me join her ABB."
"
What? But...but Grace is a hero! She'd
never join the ABB or do that sick bomb-skull thing! And...and you're not even Asian!"
"Bakuda said 'I killed a dragon. You are now Asian.' That was that. But after a week in the ABB, Bakua gave me a spying mission to infiltrate the Merchants. But after a week in the Merchants, Faultline took them down and recruited me. But after a week in Faultline's Crew, I got a better offer from Coil. But after a week in Coil's gang, he sent me to join the Undersiders. But after-"
"You joined
every villain gang in the city? Six gangs in six weeks?"
"Yeah. But after a week in the Undersiders, I cut a deal with Miss Militia to turn state's evidence and join the Wards. But after a week in the Wards, Coil's spies tried to kill me so I ran to New Wave for protection. Dad and I moved in with the Dallons."
"So you joined all the hero teams, too."
"Yeah. But then Bakuda called me and told me to leave the city. 'You've been a good spy for me, bug girl, so here's a friendly tip. Leviathan's going to attack in an hour and I'm going to greet him with a hundred megaton superbomb to the face. Get the hell out of here if you want to live.'
"I warned the heroes and escaped with Dad and all the capes I could find, Parian and Uber and Leet and Circus and Barker and Biter. We became rogues and founded the world's greatest parahuman three-ring circus. And...that's what I've been doing for the last two years. I'm the CEO of the Cape Capades."
She snapped her fingers and made a pose. Her bugs flew into the air and formed a fancy, floating logo, a rotating "C" intersecting a "C", while her bugs on the ground played
a jaunty marching song.
The first Taylor stared at her. "So you were a rogue, too. You teamed up with every single cape from Brockton Bay. That's just confusing."
She turned to Contessa. "You must have mixed up her memories, there's no way she did all that stuff. She's really a rogue circus performer?"
Contessa shrugged. "She is now."
Hero Taylor and Circus Taylor opened their mouths to protest, then whipped their heads around to one of the closed doors in the hallway.
A massive bug slid under the door. A conglomeration of six cockroaches stitched together, their bodies forming a loose sac with a bubbling liquid inside. The monstrous bug crawled up the side of the door and onto the lock, then detonated in a spray of foul-smelling chemicals, melting the lock in a matter of seconds.
A third Taylor opened the door and met the stares of the others. "What?"
"That was gross."
"Yeah, I know. we didn't have the supplies to make a
proper superacid bug bomb so we had to improvise. Hey, infodump lady, does this hotel have a buffet? We're getting hungry."
Contessa pointed. "Fourth floor. Elevator is down the hall."
"Thanks." said the Taylor.
"Thanks." said the Danny head attached to her right shoulder.
...
...
The others stared.
The third Taylor folded her arms. "What?"
...
"This is about Dad, isn't it."
...
"He's
fine. He had a little accident but he's
fine."
The Danny head spoke up. "I don't mind. Really. It's awkward but it beats being dead."
Circus Taylor whispered, her voice quavering. "That's Bonesaw's work. You joined the Slaughterhouse Nine."
Slaughterhouse Taylor rolled her eyes. "Tch. Hypocrite. You infiltrate every gang in the Bay and you're bright and shiny and heroic, but Dad and I infiltrate the Nine with Bakuda and suddenly we're eeeeevil villainous abominations."
"You infiltrated the
Nine? You're fucking insane!"
"Don't swear!" snapped Slaughterhouse Taylor. "We're perfectly sane, it was a great plan! We convinced Jack Slash to tell Scion to fly into the sun. It worked, too. We thought we saved the world. But after a month Scion came back, muttering something about 'liar, becoming one with the stars wasn't poetic at all, see how you like it'. Then he threw all the Earths into the sun."
"Yikes." said Circus Taylor. "Scion killed me, too. After he disintegrated my World's Greatest Big Top with a laser beam, the bastard."
"Wait, wait. Scion is a bad guy?" said Hero Taylor.
"Yeah, the biggest bad guy. He goes crazy and destroys all the Earths. I guess Bakuda beat him, though, since the time loops are over."
Hero Taylor blinked. "Wow. He was my favorite hero. When I was a kid I even had Scion underpants."
There was an awkward silence.
"So." said the Danny head. "Miss mysterious benefactor. I don't want to sound greedy, but can I get my body back?"
"Yes. Ask String Theory and her partner to build you a new one. They'll make it extra high quality to passive-aggressively piss off Bakuda."
"
Wonderful. Also, did you bring back Bakuda's other friends from the time loops? Because some of her
friends are, er, not exactly-"
The floor shook. The door to a king-sized suite was torn off its hinges. A massive monster charged out, limbs and tentacles flailing, acid spilling from its mouth and eating into the carpet, bellowing in an inhumanly deep voice. "
Wherrrrrre is my favorite tinkerrrrr? I'll fiiiiind youuuuu!"
The monster was followed by a second, then a third, then a fourth. They smashed through the window at the end of the hall and jumped twenty stories to the ground.
"Hey Ned! Ned! Crawler! Wait up!" called Slaughterhouse Taylor. She ran to the window and winced.
"
Fiddlesticks." she swore. "If that doofus gets another
flipping air strike called in on us I swear I'm going to turn him inside out." She turned to the other Taylors. "I'm going to go stop Ned from killing anyone. You guys sit tight."
She ran for the elevators.
The floor shook. A nearby door was punctured by a narrow, pencil-thin explosion. The puncture hole warped and expanded until it was big enough to admit a person. A young girl stepped though, fidgeting with the hem of her dark green dress and carrying a pair of scissors.
"Vista? Missy B.? Is that you?" said Circus Taylor.
Vista scowled. "That's it, I've had enough of this mystery kidnapping crap. Who are you people and how do you know my name? I want answers,
now."
She raised the pair of scissors in her hand. The blades warped, stretching to be six feet long and wickedly sharp. She snapped them open and closed menacingly.
Hero Taylor backed away, but Circus Taylor opened her arms and gave a welcoming smile. "You're safe, Missy. Dad and I will explain everything. We can go to the roof if you want, I remember that you like roofs. My bugs are telling me there's a pool up there with a jacuzzi."
Vista frowned, then shrunk down her scissors. "Fine, bug lady. We'll talk at the jacuzzi. But if you try anything funny I'll show you what I can
really do."
"Ten four." said Circus Taylor, leading her to the elevators. "Damn, I forgot how scary you are when you're angry."
The floor shook. Five doors were knocked off their hinges by precisely synchronized explosions. A cacophany of childish chatter filled the hallway as five Dinah Alcotts ran by in swimsuits.
"Last one in the pool is a rotten egg!"
"Liar! Only a 0.00000023% chance the last one is a rotten egg!"
"Not if I invent a rotten egg bomb first!"
"Hey! Stop messing with my numbers!"
"Hi Taylor! Come to the pool when you're done with the infodump lady! Bye Taylor!"
The sounds of the pool-bound clones trailed off. Hero Taylor and her dad were left alone with Contessa.
"That's the last of them." said Contessa.
"Huh." said Taylor.
For a minute no one spoke. Contessa waited patiently.
Danny ran a hand through his hair, a pensive look on his face. "Taylor, isn't it strange that we all know how to make bombs? Even Vista and Dinah."
Taylor frowned. "Not really. Those bombs weren't anything special. Pathetically simple trigger mechanisms, just like you'd expect from seventh graders."
"I know, but it's still strange. I don't remember making
any bombs before." Danny gave Contessa an accusing look. "I'm sure Miss benefactor is eager to explain."
"Oh, that's simple." said Contessa. "You clones would be sad if you didn't have a supply of bombs like you did in the loops. But I promised Bakuda not to leave clones of her running around. So I made some Bakuda clones, killed them, snipped out their coronas, and wired them up to your brains. Now you can use Bakuda's power with forty to sixty percent efficacy and hardly any maniacal urges at all. It's the optimal solution. Forecast: minimum sads, maximum happies!"
"...what?"
Contessa saw the horror dawning on their faces. Her power alerted her to impending sads. She asked her power for a solution to soften the blow, and it obliged.
Contessa giggled. "...just joking! Got ya! Hehehehehehe!"
She gave them a sly smile and a wink. "Taylor is right. You didn't need powers to make your bomb. It was a simple chemical reaction guided by an electromagnetic field shaped by psi-particles. Anyone with an elementary school education could have made it! Probably."
Danny sighed in relief.
Taylor patted him on the shoulder. "I told you Dad, it was a pathetically simple bomb. No powers needed."
"I guess you're right, kiddo."
Taylor rubbed her chin. "...although...if we'd made the bomb with a
spatiomagnetic field,
that would've been something worth talking about."
"Mmm. Then we could have used a transient pocket dimension to absorb the unwanted blast trajectories...and used it as a power source for a second stage trigger, maybe a miniature resonance cascade..."
"Ooooh, right, good idea! And then we can use the fluctuations in the dimensional boundary to give the blast wave an armor-piercing effect, guiding it to its target with short-range teleportation-"
Contessa left the loving father and daughter behind, her path complete. She had provided her infodump. This Taylor and Danny would spread the information to the others. Eventually. After they made a few quick equipment runs to an electronics store and a machine shop.
Contessa allowed herself a satisfied smile. It had taken hours of her precious utility-maximizing time, but all twenty floors of the Resurrection Hotel had been awakened smoothly, without a single casualty. The happy-to-sad ratio was astronomical!
She called for a portal. She had one last stop to make.
--
Author's note: that Contessa, what a joker! I don't know about that Circus Taylor, her memories seem like a mash-up of every
Taylor-joins-a-team fanfic ever, probably only the circus ones are real. And what does Bakuda think of this turn of events? Tune in next time to find out!
Also, Circus Taylor's Danny doesn't speak because he's a mime.