The Villainess Is An SS+ Rank Adventurer

Chapter 283: Old Hands New
Thomas Lainsfont didn't know whether to be amused or impressed.

Beside him, Cedric Halls was grappling with the reins of his horse with the drama of a sailor wielding every rope on a ship by himself. Even after all this time, the guildmaster of Rolstein was still considerably more versed with riding in a cart tugged by a horse than the horse itself.

He could only feel sorry for the steed.

A highland palfrey which could make a gallop over hills and stone seem as easy as trotting across a meadow. Fortunately for the horse, it was only the rider which would prove a test tonight.

A winding, but smooth lane of dirt stretched out before them. One they could now finally see.

Although the sun had set, the moon that'd taken its place was just as welcome.

Thomas didn't know what had happened over the past hour. But he was glad to see that it likely wouldn't involve him returning to the fold at its deepest end. He hadn't ridden out to deal with unknown horrors bleaching the sky with darkness.

No, this time, he was out for a wholly different reason.

To have a long overdue conversation with his daughter.

And that's why the sight of what could only be described as a godlike entity of terror rupturing the sky, only to be struck down by lights and the elements didn't concern him.

After all, his task was much worse.

"Well, good news," said Cedric, giving up on finding a comfortable grip and craning his neck upwards instead. "The cosmic horror has left. That means whoever it was here to swipe, it wasn't us this time."

Thomas merely nodded … at first.

If this was his bar, he could nod away all night and never need to offer anything but a grunt. But Cedric expected his grim barkeepers to be sociable. Even one who was now far away from his counter.

"You never know. Bodkins isn't here. He might have accidentally stepped on the wrong porridge again. Good chance he's now lodged in the abyss until he's made amends."

Cedric gave a generous chuckle.

"He'll be out before long, then. When it comes to food, that halfling can make amends like a fountain spitting gold. That's what I miss most. The way he can just snap his fingers and have a buffet of three course dinners pop out like rabbits from a warren. I'm still convinced he isn't actually a ranger. Just a conjurer in disguise."

"He was a conjurer. Just of arrows and decent meals."

"Remember what it was like before he joined?"

Thomas gave his old friend a raised eyebrow.

"I do. It was just like this. And I'm still not sure that was a hare you caught for us."

"It was either a hare or a venomous hag spider. Either way, it was good enough that even the horse needed two sniffs before it turned away. That's a compliment in my books."

The horse in question soldiered on, nonplussed by the standards of its rider.

A professional steed much like the one Thomas rode as well. He could only smile. Both reminded him of Apple. Albeit theirs were much faster … even if their speed was currently being wasted.

"I thought you'd be used to riding by now, what with all the important meetings the guild has you running."

Cedric's chuckle turned into a snort.

"Meetings? With who? The receptionists? You don't know how it is on the other side. As adventurers, we went from town to town, merrily under the same banner of camaraderie. But guildmasters? They build fences just to keep each other out. Politics, Thomas. The great snake of history. I envy you for not having to deal with it."

"Then your bars are more civil places than mine. If you knew what some of the ox herders had to say about the lamb shearers, you'd never visit again."

"I might not have a choice. My reputation with Rolstein's bars only goes one way, and it's not up."

"Rolstein has at least two places to drink. Can't you at least keep your poor impression to one of them?"

"Yet again, you underestimate my ability to be a nuisance. Power, you see, has done nothing but–"

"Wait."

Suddenly, Thomas tugged at the reins of his horse.

Cedric did the same, his blithe demeanour changing as he reached for the lute at his back. Gone was the lackadaisical guildmaster of a countryside branch as instead a C-rank adventurer made himself known.

He didn't say a word, waiting as he knew he should for Thomas.

"... Do you hear that? From the woods. A woman's groan."

Cedric answered by retrieving the lute.

A moment later, the strings lit like sinews of magic as he plucked a single string.

"[Echoing Life]."

The instrument shimmered like a pond as a pulse of magic swept from it in all directions, so faint it disturbed the surrounding woodlands no more than a ticklish breeze.

In the distance, Thomas heard the reply as twigs cracked and leaves rustled.

"A lot of movement," said Cedric, his expression rapt as his focus clung to the fading magic. "But all small. Critters and mammals. Likely a deer and her fawns. If there's a woman in distress, she's not making a fuss about it. For good or for bad."

Cedric cast him a querying look.

"... Want to check which one it is?"

Thomas had no immediate response. A thing growing more common as he became older.

He furrowed his brows as he considered the voice he'd just heard. Despite the wild things he'd experienced in his youth, it was the subtler things now in his prime which caused him to pause.

It couldn't be … could it?

"We're nearing the Royal Institute," said Cedric, eyeing the darkness where the return of the moonlight was all but unnoticed. "Or what's left of it. Regardless, if there are mages to help us locate Marina, I'm sure they can also see if anybody is lost on their very doorstep. Without Bodkins or Liriane, I'd wager we'd find ourselves stumbling into an adder pit before we found anyone by ourselves."

Thomas was halfway to agreeing.

He was an adventurer, former or otherwise. But he was also human.

Lacking the eyes of elves and the surefootedness of halflings, he did not relish hacking his way through a forest at night. And as versatile as Cedric's lute was, it was unwise to call all the creatures of the dark with only a single sword there to strike the worst of them.

But Thomas didn't make it to the heights of retirement by doubting the tug that pulled at his every decision on the road. He'd always worked on his intuition. And a lifetime of falling on the right side of the coin told him to always obey–all the way until he dropped from the precipice.

He hoped now wasn't that time.

"We'll try your lute again in the woods," he said as he dismounted his horse. "If someone's in distress, we may not have the luxury of doubling back."

Cedric nodded as he tried to elegantly dismount. Thomas would pretend he did.

"Can't leap into the fire if we don't hop into the frying pan first, huh? I'm surprised we weren't called the Sautéed Hogs by the end of it."

Thomas gave his horse a gentle pat, pointing to keep to the spot. There'd be no tying their steeds here. New adventurers learned quickly that a runaway horse was better than an eaten one.

Then, he made for the first of the boughs.

"There's still time yet," he said, clapping Cedric's shoulder on the way. "For two of them, at least."

He felt the genial smile on his back. Just as he also felt the usual trepidation.

Thomas didn't fault him. They were two old hands. And the darkness was always filled with new dangers.

Even so, this wasn't the bleak sands of the Dunes or the labyrinthine caverns littering Lissoine's coast. It was a forest of oaks and scattered moonlight. And so as his knees brushed aside foliage, so too did the closest thing to a mage in their party.

"[Echoing Life]."

Once again, a faint hum of magic swept out, drawing forth hints of movement all around. And once again, nothing was drawn to their attention.

Thomas's legs paid little heed to the rising doubt from his old friend. The pull was on him. A path he followed between the trees like a ranger following clear tracks in the mud. His hands swept aside dipping branches as he made his way through. A dim light shone before his steps as Cedric did his best to mimic a mage's [Light Sphere].

And after enough wandering that even his old friend's doubt began to rise, he paused once more.

Voices.

Like a distant rain so far away that not even clouds could be seen.

But it was there.

Thomas might not be able to see in the dark. But upon such a quiet night, it was more than his ears which identified a presence nearby. It was his overwhelming intuition for trouble.

He held up his palm. Cedric paused at once, his feet stumbling.

The next moment, he turned to look behind his shoulder. He indicated to Cedric to wait, then motioned for him to watch. He received a nod in response, as natural as all the other times they had repeated this gesture, this formation. Cedric at the rear, bardic magic at the ready. Liriane prowling in the shadows. Bodkins hidden amidst the bushes. And Thomas at the front, slowly placing himself before danger.

Except now it was just half of the Golden Hogs. And all of the danger.

He could feel it like the prickling of an open hearth against his skin … and then he felt it as the groaning of the woods as an explosion occurred in the near distance. Rodents scattered in all directions as a plume of flames lit up the darkness. A mage had just hurled a fireball.

But which mage?

Despite the shuddering of the forest, he crept forwards silently, boots padding as he made his way across the grass with his hand around his hilt.

And then–

His breath caught in his throat.

He found it.

He found her.

Sitting up like a maiden after a fall, he took in the sight of Marina in the centre of a small clearing.

Fate had guided him like a will-o-wisp.

For a moment, he wondered if a forest hag had taken his senses instead. But if one had, then they had done a poor job.

Marina was much the same as he remembered.

Older, yes. But also the same.

The same rosy cheeks. The same soft nose. The same wide eyes. But not the same hair. Most of it was still like his. The colour of chestnut.

The rest of it was … pink. Or amber. Or scarlet.

That was different. And interesting.

But also perfectly normal for a mage. And also a young woman. Marina was always concerned for her appearance. Hopelessly so. Whatever the rumours which now encircled her, he saw this as proof of her ordinariness. She was no sorceress draped in black and blood. Not yet.

And above all else … that very nearly made Thomas's shoulders relax.

Very nearly … because his daughter was also not alone.

A girl was leaning against a tree.

The shadows didn't seem to engulf her, but rather seemed drawn towards her. Thomas could only blink. But it wasn't the bizarre set of garments matched by the differentiating colours of her eyes which made him tense.

There was no sword by her side. No aura of magic radiating from her person. But he could feel something else.

A shiver up his spine.

Because if he'd learned anything from his rise to A-rank, it was that the worst foes did not come with a fang. It came with a smile. And this one wore it like black ivy wore a coat of poison.

That fireball had been for her.

Thomas didn't need to understand more. He silently drew his sword, all his discipline stretched to the limits to not give away his position, his advantage.

"The Witch of Calamity. My congratulations. You have now assumed a title so fashionable it will send half of the world's mages mewing in envy and the other half sulking as they seek their own."

A moment later … Thomas was forced to close his eyes as he held back a groan.

A single sentence. That was it. And he had just experienced a decade's worth of fatherly trauma rolled into one.

The Witch Of Calamity.

He knew little other than what most others did. That was a title reserved for a witch heralded as the most powerful amongst those reclusive sorceresses of legend.

And he knew that Marina was no witch. Not unless her mother was. And that was a conversation not even he'd have been drunk enough to forget.

For a moment, he could only look on in rising bewilderment as he listened to the conversation. There was talk of debts. And a House he had no knowledge of. But it didn't matter.

He could feel it like an omen in the wind.

This girl was foreboding. And here she was, speaking to the one he'd been searching for all this time. Yet while smoke rose from Marina's hands, none of it was present on the girl.

Thomas knew at once he would only be allowed one strike.

Gripping his hilt, he came to a decision.

It was a poor decision. But one that'd served him well, even if his sword tutor had never quite meant for him to take his most famous of lines to such extremes.

Strike true. And never need to strike again.

With a short breath–he threw his sword.

It shone as it spun. And even as the world's weightiest arrow, it drove into the shadows with the pace of a thrown spear. Not even a gasp met the weapon as it passed Marina's side and made its way straight towards the heart of the leaning danger.

Thomas only blinked once.

And then she was gone.

His sword struck the tree like a dart, cracking the trunk as bark and wood splintered in all directions.

Of the girl, nothing could be seen. She had neither dissipated like an illusion nor shifted away like a mage. A trick even he'd never seen. And now all that was left was a sword hanging like an ornament on his wall–with only Marina to judge it.

Thomas's eyes were on everything else.

As he stepped into the open, he offered half a frown towards his surroundings. After a long pause, he finally turned his attention to his daughter. She only wore a look of familiar horror as she ogled the thrown sword. Thomas didn't know why. It was a new one. She shouldn't recognise it.

"You threw your sword," she said, sounding aghast as she turned her head. "Why do swordsmen do that? Don't you need it?"

Thomas gave an apologetic shrug.

"Don't need it if it hits whatever it needs to."

"How did you know that abominable girl even needed to be hit by a sword?"

"You get a sense for who to throw swords at after a while. Haven't been wrong yet."

Thomas paused.

"I think."

Marina let out a tired groan. Thomas wasn't sure if that was more from immediately aggravating her sensibilities or the fact she now bothered to stand up.

As she brushed the grass from her knees, blankness filled his mind. He'd had a script prepared. But whatever it was, it'd been replaced by the fact that he now knew he hadn't shaved in weeks.

He decided to settle on the first thing which came to mind.

"There's a vacancy going for a barmaid," he said, assessing how much the ends of that pink hair would be a problem if dipped into ale. "If you remember how to scrub tables, I'm willing to consider you."

Marina snorted.

"It'll take more than avoiding every bar in Rolstein to make me forget that. I'm still trying to speed up the process. So I certainly hope you didn't trek halfway across the kingdom just to ask if I felt like returning as a barmaid."

"You haven't said no."

"Then no. I am overqualified."

"Hilda would disagree," he said, somewhat wounded. "She still keeps the pieces of the first glass you broke as a warning to new customers to behave."

Marina looked like she almost wanted to return just to melt it. Particularly since it wasn't really her fault customers didn't know that legs went under tables and not as far out as possible.

Instead, she rolled her eyes and sighed.

"I'm not going back. I still have things to do. And I'm making more progress than I expected. Or wish, in some areas."

She idly touched the ends of her hair. Thomas barely noticed it.

It was strange in a way, how little relevance time or distance had. Here they were, far from any bar, and it was a conversation continued as though it had never ended. Except this time, there were no frying pans being tossed … yet.

He cleared his throat, even as he felt his shoulders tighten.

"I heard something about you being the Witch of Calamity. Is this true?"

Marina gave a small groan, no different than a girl who'd been tattled on. Her hair glowed very slightly.

"... No," she said, eyes sidewards.

Thomas raised a brow.

The chestnut portion of hair and the inability to tell lies. The two traits Marina had inherited in full.

Before he knew it, he'd crossed his arms, his expression scolding as he looked down not at a wanted fugitive, but his errant daughter. One he had allowed to run wild for far too long.

"Marina, I have heard extremely concerning things. I understand you feel strongly about your research. Your goals. But you have a bounty on your head. You turned the wheat fields of Rolstein into a blighted wasteland. And now I hear you share the same title as a legendary mage of destruction. Is there anything you'd like to tell me?

His daughter's response was to purse her lips.

As she continued to look away, her fingertips fidgeted against one another. Answers and excuses flickered behind her eyes. And then her cheeks pouted like a daughter wishing to merely escape to her room until the next dawn, all in the obvious hope that he'd decide it was better to pretend to have forgotten.

Except this was no squabble with the boys and girls across the street. And she was no defiant girl in the kitchen with mud on her dress.

She was a mage.

And that's why–

"[Arcane Teleport]!"

She was faster than he'd anticipated.

Even before her arms were stretched out, the magic had already enveloped her.

She was not the beginner whose powers burned hot or cold when she'd left to pursue her alchemy shop. Now it was just hot. Scorchingly so. Because even as Thomas stepped forwards to tackle her, he could only raise his arms to shield his face as a lash of magic swept between them like a curtain.

Snap.

The next moment … she'd given her reply to his job offer.

Embers fell in the place of her figure.

And Thomas did what he only could.

He took in a deep breath … before giving a small grunt as a hand firmly clapped him against the back.

"Well," said Cedric with a cheerful smile. "I'd say that went even better than expected."

Thomas had no response to that.

It was true, after all.

"... Mages," he said with a sigh.

"Mages." Cedric nodded. "If I have children, I'm going to teach them to be bandits. Less trouble."

A wiser choice than Thomas made.

For a moment, he stood perfectly still, wondering which of his poor decisions he needed to regret the most.

Then–he turned to make his way back to his horse. Cedric heartily chuckled as he followed, exactly as he always did. As a bard, he knew the way of this tale.

"So, the Witch of Calamity, huh? … I think that counts as a new one."

"New enough."

"Reckon we need Bodkins and Liriane for this?"

Thomas considered it, leaves and grass rustling against his steps.

He wasn't in a mind to involve all his former companions. But they had a way with words he lacked. Everyone did.

"For their wisdom. But not their arrows or claws."

"Of course."

"Do you know where they are now?"

"My information is out of date. But last I heard, Bodkins was everywhere there was coin to be made and Liriane was doing something regarding Elven Conspiracy #205815. I think she was looking for the Snow Dancer. If we find Liriane, maybe we'll get the sword saint along with her. That'll be something."

The Snow Dancer.

Thomas had never met her personally. But it wasn't an elven sword saint he needed, talented as she doubtless was. It was someone who could use words in lieu of swords.

For a moment, he considered asking if anyone at the guild might be able to assist.

Perhaps someone both learned in the way of history, and tactful in working how poorly it usually went for those who burned the pages.

Then … the most unlikely of thoughts came to mind.

A princess who by all accounts had already crossed paths with her.

Not even Cedric knew the details of what had occurred. But given the girl's background, perhaps she'd be able to glean a sense of Marina's mind. Even instil a drop of sense in her. A calming voice amidst the fiery storm.

Thomas's shoulders relaxed as he recalled her strength of purpose. A princess whose tasks were doubtless as trying as his own.

After all, they walked the same footsteps.

He knew little of how she was faring or where she was. But if he could be reassured by anything, it was the knowledge that wherever she now found herself, it was a less tumultuous place for her presence.

… Well, as long as that was not a bar.
 
Those princessly points sure are great even people she met once are Randomly taunting murphy on her behalf

It's No wonder Dragons keep kidnapping princess on most stories XD
 
Chapter 284: Late Fees New
We couldn't find a chapel.

Luckily, there were ways to exorcise a cursed sack of gold other than donating a significant amount to the same sister tasked with cleansing it. And that was to head in the opposite direction.

To find a scene of such impropriety and sin that even the most malignant of curses could do nothing but meekly scurry away, cowed by the whip of a greater corruption.

This … was not a guild hall.

But it was the next best thing.

The Fledgling Hen.

Yes … a common roadside inn!

Windows blotted with grease! Walls cracked with innumerable fractures! A chimney as haggard as the expressions of those who stayed here!

Catering exclusively to wayfarers, highwaymen and the merchants they rob, here was a place where standards never arrived to die in the first place!

I clapped my hands in delight–even as my expression remained appalled.

"Ohohoho … behold, Coppelia! Here is where we shall exorcise the obviously cursed sack of gold!"

Beside me, an enthusiastic smile lit up the evening despite the sack partially covering it.

"Really? That's amazing. I didn't know the shady inns of your kingdom offered de-cursing services."

"Then you underestimate my shady inns. It's not just a service. It's also entirely complementary."

"Do you mean to say there are sisters inside your shady inns just de-cursing everybody who walks in because they know they'll probably hit someone who needs it at least once a day?"

"Of course not. That's far too charitable. The type of people who reside in these suspicious establishments are hardly the type to do more than rob any sisters for their aid."

"Great! Do they know how to de-curse things?"

"Yes. With their vulgarity … and also their prying fingers."

I raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile.

"Ohohoho … we are but innocent maidens travelling in the night, of which our belongings consist of a sack spilling with gold. Why, if the gold is cursed to turn whoever touches it into a toad, I expect it won't be long before an errant pair of hands attempts to find out for themselves!"

"Wooo~ I hope we get robbed!"

I nodded.

Satisfied she understood the intricacies of a plan I hadn't created in the past five seconds, I ensured my nose was sufficiently pinched and made my way to the door.

The moment I opened it, a scene of drunken revelry rushed to welcome me.

The warmth of a busy common room. The sound of unabashed merriment. And a sight to put even the drunkards of the Adventurer's Guild to shame.

For these were assuredly worse.

Scoundrels who did not even pretend to adhere to a greater good as they died moronically while looting my family's tombs.

Dressed in rags, stolen tunics and unmatching strips of armour, it was a crowd consisting of all the brigands of my kingdom. With weapons at their sides and sneering grins sketched upon their faces, they hollered, danced and jumped.

Trails of alcohol flung amongst them as easily as fists and insults. Only when the door closed behind its two cleanest arrivals did their dark eyes turn towards us. And when they did, it was as if a shadow fell upon us, longer than any cast by the hearthfire dancing away in the corner.

Within this fraternity of ill-intent, a vein of understanding spilled throughout the room. Muscles tensed as eyes filled with roguish experience went to the ruby pommel by my side.

They should have been looking at Coppelia as she began rotating her arm.

A moment later–

They all returned to their drinking, punching and laughing.

"Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!"

"Bwahahahaha!"

"Hit me harder, you scum, I wanna see the sunlight when I wake up!"

My mouth widened.

What … What just happened?!

For a moment, I could only blink in bewilderment at the sight … for while the common room was assuredly filled with the worst that brigands could foster, not a single eye was turned towards me!

I … I was appalled.

Here I was, a beautiful, fragile princess accompanied only by my disappointed handmaiden, a sack of cursed gold in our keeping begging to be taken!

… And they chose not to rob me?!

T-The absolute state of banditry in my kingdom!

Why, it was no wonder they were so poor! If they couldn't rob a princess strolling into their midst, how did they intend to rob anyone?!

At this rate, they'd need to actually engage in gainful employment to survive! That meant less unpaid labourers for the soap mines!

This disregard … why, it was scandalous!

"Welcome to The Fledgling Hen," called out a man from behind a counter. He lifted his chin in hope of counting more than two of us. "How may I help you lasses this fine evening?"

I slowly turned from the bedlam of revelry and made my way towards the counter. All the while, I sent hopeful glances to the side, expecting to see the glint of a knife approaching.

It never came.

"S-Salutations … would you be the innkeeper of this highly bizarre establishment?"

The man laughed.

"Aye, despite my best efforts. Still, some nights are better than others. This one especially."

"Indeed, I note it appears to be quite busy … these are real drunkards, yes? Not illusions?"

"I'd hope so. Otherwise I'd never recover, what with the amount this lot has downed. Rowdy is the word. Almost thought I'd never see it again, what with the darkness and all. I'm glad to see it gone. Shame the sun only appeared so briefly. But we're gifted with a fine moonlight for the wait."

"Yes, well, you're welcome."

A confused smile went my way. It should have been directed towards the louts as they raced between drinking and pummelling themselves to death.

Thus, I helpfully pointed instead.

"Excuse me, but is there something wrong with your hoodlums?"

"My what?"

"Your clientele. Why do they aim their poor decisions towards each other and not the two maidens in their midst? Is there a code of chivalry in place stating they can only rob innocents at a designated time or place? If so, please inform me so I can plan how to use them as test subjects appropriately."

The innkeeper blinked.

Then, he gave a laugh hearty enough to drown out the mirth from his quarrelling guests.

"Aye, I suppose I wouldn't put it past some of these good-for-nothings to help themselves to a maiden's belongings, even under my roof. But that was yesterday. Today, even the worst of the rabble in The Fledgling Hen now call themselves saints. Drunken saints, aye. But still saints."

Against my baffled expression, he pointed to the portrait I was purposefully doing my best not to scar my memories with.

Beside the counter hung the most hideous painting of a tortured woman I'd ever seen. And no wonder. The ruffians were so odorous that even a painting could do nothing but wince.

I queried him with a raise of my hands.

"Is this a forest hag that's particularly popular or … ?"

The innkeeper almost looked offended.

"This is Lady Lumielle. The Goddess of Light."

I gasped.

"This … This is the Goddess of Light?"

"Sure is. First time I've heard her described as a forest hag."

I was horrified.

Why, I'd just accidentally insulted forest hags everywhere!

"It's not the best painting, to be sure," said the innkeeper with a knowing chuckle. "But it was done with an earnest hand. And also a lot of ale. The first work by these former good-for-nothings. They've taken Lady Lumielle into their hearts, you see."

"Why? … Did she forgive them for swearing abstinence from soap?"

The innkeeper only looked bemused. I didn't see why. That was a kindness not even I could offer.

"She did more than that. Did you miss it? There was that big ol' holy light. Lit up the whole darn sky and the back of my head as well. Now even the worst of us have taken to the holy scriptures. That includes not robbing maidens. After all, it had to be Lady Lumielle herself who came to our aid. May we praise her light and be blessed in return."

I covered my mouth in horror.

"Sir … that is blasphemy."

The innkeeper blinked.

"Eh?"

"Why, that bolt of sundering light threatening permanent eye damage was not caused by Lady Lumielle … but by the auspices of Princess Clarise Contzen!"

Silence.

As my voice cut across the common room, the crowd suddenly went quiet.

All eyes turned towards me. A few chairs scraped to the side. And this time, the look of ill-meaning was far more severe.

I nodded. Better.

At least until the innkeeper slapped his hand down upon his counter in joy.

"Oh, aye, I agree with you there! It is through nothing other than the faith and worship of even the princesses of this kingdom that Lady Lumielle's light was allowed to shine!"

To my horror, cheers, clinking cups and fists instantly erased the momentary pause as all returned to their jumping, dancing and hollering.

I placed my hands over my face.

To … To think I'd underestimated the ability of the heavens to act like vultures!

It wasn't enough that they fed off the prayers of my people like caterpillars to my begonias! Now they sucked up my family's acclaim! The indignity was scarcely measurable … and yet this painting was so ghastly it was a grievous slap to any goddess!

I … I was torn on what to do!

"... Now, lass, what can I get for you, if Lady Lumielle's portrait ain't quite to your liking?"

Thus … I took a deep breath instead.

Yes, any misappropriated prayers were an issue. I would need to seek compensation from the Goddess of Light eventually. But I had a far more pressing problem right now.

How to survive another ceiling.

"I require lodgings and dining options," I said, eyeing a creaking beam. "Specifically, a room which is not load bearing and a menu where nothing is brown."

"Uh, I'm sorry, but I'm not quite sure what you mean by–"

I poked Coppelia's sack. It jingled merrily.

"... That'll be 5 silver crowns apiece," said the innkeeper, his back straightening smartly. "An extra piece is for the tailored accommodation."

I accepted by looking pointedly at Coppelia. She hugged her sack and pouted in the knowledge that in all spheres of life, the one with the sack of gold paid for everything.

"Do you take cursed money?" she asked the innkeeper.

"Excuse me?"

"We found this in the woods. It replaced a woman with racy underwear."

The innkeeper eyed the sack in her arms with a familiar disposition. The fact that guests brought in sacks filled with coins was apparently not new in this house of wayfarers.

He scratched his chin.

"I suppose that depends … how cursed is it?"

"Well, I think it's fine. But I'm being told it's not."

"Coppelia, if a sack of gold is dropped at our feet and doesn't come with a pleading explanation and children weeping in the background, then there is no scenario in which it is fine."

She smiled.

"Eeeh … but I can think of one scenario."

Coppelia jiggled the sack as if to weigh it. She gave a hum and a nod.

And then … she stuck her hand in.

Yes.

Just like that.

"Coppelia?!"

"Oooh, something tickles~"

Showing as much blasé towards cursed sacks as she did towards poisoned teacups and the snacks frequently offered by passing farmers, she simply dipped her hand further in …

And in … and in … and in …

As it vanished into the burlap abyss, I waited in mild grief for a cloud of black smoke in the shape of a skull to begin seeping out. What I saw instead was her lifting up a fistful of coins … and then an entire mace, etched with glowing runes and lined with silver and gold embellishment.

My mouth widened to a size matched only by an innkeeper's eyes.

"Coppelia, is … is that a weapon?"

"Ooooh, I could use this as a paper weight!"

She stuffed it back in. And then pulled out a compass which wasn't moving. A pocket watch missing a hand. An hourglass without any sand. And a single sock with a hole.

One by one, she pulled out a different item as worthless or impractical as the next. An emporium of broken trinkets, doodads and loose bits of clothing interrupted only by the occasional item of either violence or mundanity.

I was stunned.

"W-What is this?! Why are you pulling so many items from it?! Can … Can you pull anything from it?! What about a satin lined pillow?!"

Coppelia giggled, clearly already used to pulling oddities from the unknown.

"No pillow yet, but I thiiiiink there's something else … aha!"

Out came a slip of parchment.

I duly leaned in to read it.


To the Curator of the Hidden Library.

Please accept with all due apologies the items and monetary sum enclosed within this Sack Of Curios as settlement of late fees incurred by Miss Marina Lainsfont. A 1st edition copy of Wandering The Stars by Archmage Tibius Malzaront is also gifted within as an additional apology.

B. D.


No signature. No household stamp.

Just a short note written by an elegant hand. And a burlap sack filled to the brim with all the reasons for Coppelia to spin the sack in her arms, smacking a waiting hoodlum in the face and sending him tumbling back into a brawl.

"Woooooo! I did my job! No more bonking!"

I blinked towards the sack.

"This … This is payment for Miss Lainsfont's debts?"

"Eh, minus one coin. But who's counting?"

Coppelia plucked a single gold crown, then offered it out to the innkeeper now more still than any statue of a lich. He didn't see it, his eyes locked only on the infinite treasure or junk sack instead.

Slowly, she put the coin back inside.

I gave it a moment's consideration before nodding.

"Hmm … very well, then." I offered a smile, hand to my generous heart. "I suppose if this sack of … things was left in your care, it'd be obtuse, if still perfectly legal, for me to requisition it. I shall allow your library to lay claim to it."

"I mean, I won rock, paper, scissors."

"I-In any case, I'm concerned these friends of hers are also in my kingdom. Their charity to one another is unlikely to spread to my kingdom's treasury. Do you know who they are?"

"Nope. Not my department. I only retrieve books."

"I see … then, would it not be possible to ask those who do know?"

"Ahahaha~"

Hmm.

How curious. She simply laughed as an answer. And I had utterly no wish to inquire further.

With such talent, perhaps there was hope for her handmaiden's laughter yet.

"Alrighty!" Coppelia kneeled down, propping the sack up against the counter. "Since the big guy is definitely watching now, I'll just quickly punt this thing away and let him praise me later."

My mouth widened in horror of what was to come.

"Really now, you're not going to do your … thing here, are you?"

"I mean, I could've done it anytime. But sometimes it's nice to hug a bag of stuff. And also slack."

Ugh.

I let out a tiny groan.

On one hand, I really didn't wish for her to suffer any bonks. And yet on the other, there were only so many parts of her head I could shield.

Clap.

And so, just as I'd seen her do with everything from mysterious books to circus prizes to food she was trying to hide from Apple, she brought her hands together and stretched out a black window from the abyss.

Just wide enough to swallow a sack, it was the closest impression to discreetness she could display.

There was just one thing different from before.

Because the moment that void formed like thick cobwebs between her palms …

"RIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE–"

… An ear-shattering scream like the end of the world blared out from within.
 
Book 7 is now available on Amazon!! New
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Hi there!

Baroness Arisa Sandholt, famed painter and bar owner, now graces the world of eBooks! If you'd like to admire the Rose Princess's works once again, you can now do so with a newly edited Book 7! Featuring a health dose of a certain maid and a sprinkling of the fae, it's also the longest book by far.

Thank you so much for your support! If you'd like to help out more than you already do, feel free to drop a rating. It helps so much!

Book 7: eBook

(Yes, there is also a chapter tonight!)
 
Chapter 285: Where The Fabled Winds Blow New
I clasped my hands around my ears.

It wasn't nearly enough. I needed a dozen pillows instead. And also a cathedral bell to either drown out the screech or wall around the source.

"Coppelia?!"

Despite the words exiting my lips, I wasn't able to register them.

It … It was dreadful.

A wail which reverberated up my spine and shook my ears from inside out. Even with my palms cushioning them, it could not stop a noise surpassed only by a noblewoman discovering their first grey hair. A scream harsh enough to cause banshees to slink away.

Hearing this … I came to one conclusion.

Either the world was ending or my mother was in a bad mood.

Both spelled the same outcome.

"Coppeeeliiaaa! Make it stop!"

Whatever Coppelia's reply, I didn't hear it.

Her lips moved as she smiled apologetically. A smile also tinged with ever increasing concern as she struggled to close the black window she'd summoned. It fought against her palms as she desperately pressed it to a close. Yet like squeezing a fruit slime, that black void did nothing but stubbornly quiver.

Until finally–

"Ta-da! I fixed it!"

Coppelia looked up at me from the floor.

She did not, in fact, fix it.

Rather … she'd simply muffled the orchestra of scratching chalkboards by lying upon her hands.

Leveraging the greater void which was her tummy, a bearable, if still alarming wail now sounded throughout a common room where only us stood to hear it.

The race between alcohol and fists was over. And they were both plucky losers.

Hoodlums lay sprawled over tables and chairs, froth seeping from lips as only the whites of their eyes showed. An innkeeper was missing from his counter, the weight of the howl having blasted him into a kitchen several steps away. Groans filled the air as knaves now found themselves robbed in my place. And what they'd lost were their wits.

Slowly, I lifted my hands from my ears. But only a little bit.

I tilted my head slightly, hoping to out pour some of the noise ringing inside my head.

"What … What is that ghastly racket?"

"Hm? What racket?" A very optimistic clockwork doll peered down at the hands she couldn't see. "Oh, this? … Don't worry about it. Happens all the time."

"E-Excuse me? What happens all the time? Did someone discover that liver terrine with orange sauce was being served for dinner? … Why, I can practically feel the grief!"

"Oh, that's not grief. That's just the alarm."

"The alarm? What alarm?"

"The mandrakes. Someone probably accidentally tripped over them. They're really grumpy."

I raised my hands in exasperation. And then immediately sent them cupping my ears again.

"Did I hear that right? Mandrakes? You use plants famed for their deathly wail as alarms?"

"Great, huh? You can just skip the bit where the guards rush over only to find all the miscreants vanished with only a taunting note behind them. The alarm does all the work!"

I was appalled.

After all ... why had I never considered such an ingenious idea myself?!

"V-Very well! That is a shrewd idea … and one I'll be inquiring about later. Even so, this is highly uncomfortable … can you not make it stop?"

"No worries! I have an idea."

Coppelia scooted slightly forwards, still hugging her own hands.

Then, she nudged the sack over with her head, before pouncing upon it to the sound of a disgruntled squeak coming out from within. The wail lessened considerably as she plugged her temperamental window into the abyss.

A moment later–it ceased entirely.

Calm returned, leaving only tinnitus and groans in its place.

Coppelia slowly stood up. Gone was the magical sack with whatever hamster it contained. But not the narrow slip of black curtain between her palms. With a rare note of caution, she slowly parted them just wide enough to offer the sight of her smile.

It was the only thing which caused the darkness to recede.

"Hi there! It's the all singing, all dancing Coppelia! I have money! And stuff! A whole sack of stuff! Did you get it? … Sorry if it hit your face!"

Coppelia waited. As did I with my ears still cupped.

The seconds passed. A pause turned to silence. And silence turned to a casual whistle as Coppelia's expression tensed. She closed one eye and turned away, bracing for the dreaded bonk.

The din of a merciful silence was her only answer.

"... Heeelloooooooooooooooo … ?"

It wasn't enough.

Her nod to caution vanishing, she resized her mysterious black window.

Up, down, left and right. Bigger, smaller, and then into the shape of a duck, she did her best to jostle whoever was ignoring her on the other side. The shadows stretched and toiled as she pinched the thick strands like wet clay … before ending up with a perfectly symmetrical lattice strudel.

I nodded. Simple. But aesthetically pleasing. 6.5/10.

"Is there any way I can assist?" I asked, hoping there wasn't.

"No idea. This is new to me."

"I see … is your unexplained portable abyss stuck?"

"Maybe. Usually my thingy opens and closes when I want. If it's not, it's because something's blocking the way. Like the big guy. But I don't think he's in. And let me tell you–he's always in."

She turned to me with her most excited smile yet.

"Mmh! … Something's definitely weird."

I finally uncupped my ears in order to do the important task of gesturing everywhere instead.

"Coppelia, you need to be specific. Everything is weird. And that's only in this room. I cannot know if you're referring to the mysterious void between your hands, the magical sack I hope isn't lost on another continent, the portrait of a tortured goddess or the fact that nobody has tried to rob me yet."

All of a sudden, the black curtain shimmered like the disturbed surface of an inkwell. And I realised with a heavy heart that the weirdest thing was yet to happen.

How did I know this?

Because Ouzelia.

"... Coppelia? Is that you?"

A much smaller voice than I last recalled exited from the black window.

Far from any words quaking with unseen strength, it was soft and inquisitive. A girl's voice.

"Oooooooh!" Coppelia's eyes sparkled, her head seemingly in no more danger as she turned to me. "That sounds like Fleur! … She's a librarian! One of the nicer ones who doesn't yell at me just because I'm talented enough to multitask cleaning and eating at the same time!"

"Oh, thank goodness it's you! Coppelia, something terrible has happened!"

"Ahaha~ I know, I know. Any moment I'm not feeding Archie the killer goat is awful because nobody else wants to do it. Say, where's the big guy? Is he napping? Even given the way he snores, I figured someone accidentally punting the mandrakes would've woken him."

"They weren't punted! The mandrakes were disturbed! By intruders!"

"Wow, that is terrible. Are the golems okay? You know how excited they get after pummelling things."

"The golems are not okay! They're really sad!"

"Oh. Well, just so you know, I'm not cleaning up after them. If they don't know how to stomp intruders gently, that's something they need to learn."

"No, it's not that! … The master's been taken!"

"Ahahaha~ you and your famously bad jokes. That's a good one. You've broken the streak."

"This is not a joke! The master was seized in the night! He's been abducted!"

"... Oh, really?"

"Really!"

Coppelia looked at the corner in thought.

Then, she nodded.

"Got it. Gimme a moment. I'm just going to close my thingy since my hand feels like it's on fire."

She did just that.

With a clap and a flick of her hands, Coppelia lightly hopped on the spot as she flicked away the smoke rising from her palms. Once more or less extinguished, she turned her smile towards me instead.

"... Phew! I'm glad that wasn't the big guy. Anyway, want to see what's on the dessert menu?"

I rubbed my eyes. And then I tapped my ears.

I still didn't know which to doubt more.

"C-Coppelia?! … It sounds like this curator of yours has been abducted!"

"Oh, so I wasn't hearing things. In that case, I'm probably going to have to sort that out. I'll just quickly go rescue him."

I looked north in utter confusion. Or east. Either way, her library was somewhere not even Coppelia's long distance hopscotches could swiftly take her.

"Excuse me? What do you mean you'll quickly rescue him? Is the owner of your library being kidnapped a frequent occurrence?"

"Nope. Completely new. But I'm sure these things happen when you own a magical library."

"... Then, how long will it take?"

Coppelia shrugged.

"Eh, a few days, a few weeks, a few decades. It depends. I'll need to ask Fleur for details."

My mouth widened.

A … A few decades?!

By then, I would have aged as much as a month in princess years!

"Wha–?! That is wholly unacceptable! I refuse to allow you to depart my side for that long!"

"Hmmmmmmm … but this sounds like a problem. If the big guy's been kidnapped, then that'll mean the library probably has to close. And I'm not really sure if anyone would take in Archie the killer goat. Plus since I'm an assistant librarian, I think I'm sort of obliged to do something."

I held back my groan.

And here I thought only I needed to bother Coppelia with being rescued.

The absolute nerve of this man to inconvenience me! It was already bad enough he laid claim to Coppelia's loyalty, but to seek to monopolise her time as well was unforgivable!

No … this clearly needed to be addressed!

Her employment status was in a state of flux. Yes, she'd never signed anything with me nor once verbally acknowledged being my handmaiden despite the fact I was constantly waiting for her to slip up while pretending I wasn't.

But being by my side was more than a profession!

It was a way of life!

Indeed, it was one that necessitated tasting fresh apple strudels from the Royal Villa's kitchens one bite at a time while decadently discarding the rest … that was a needless waste she had earned the right to enjoy, and I would not see her robbed of a single crumb!

A problem, then.

Because if this employer of hers had decided to go missing, then I could hardly negotiate with him.

Not unless …

"Oooh~" Coppelia waved in front of me. "Your face is making a weird expression."

"It is not a weird expression. It is my thinking expression."

"Your thinking expression looks really pained."

"Yes. Yes it does."

I massaged my temple.

It didn't help. Nothing would against what I was considering. But if I was to address the issue, then I would do so now. A conversation that was long overdue.

"Do you truly intend on returning to the library?"

"Weeell, I definitely need to at least poke my head in. I like being popular. Not helping is how that stops."

I sucked in a deep breath.

And then, I nodded. No thinking was required. In fact, the less thinking involved, the better!

Because in this case, thinking only meant pain.

"... Very well, then. I can hardly fault you for wishing to come to the aid of those who allow themselves to be abducted. Rather, that is an admirable quality. And one I shall rely upon you to perform again at an unspecified time in the future."

"Great! In that case, I'll just be a few–"

"Which is why I shall go as well."

Coppelia tilted her head slightly, her smile fixed.

"Eh?"

I placed my hand upon my chest, smiling resolutely as I did so.

Yes, even as all I felt was deep apprehension and a wall of mental trauma.

"O-Ohohoho … indeed, you may rejoice … for I shall accompany you to … to Ouzelia."

For a moment, my loyal handmaiden was rendered speechless. I sketched this triple rainbow forever in my memories.

"... You want to go to the land of oddballs?"

"No. No I do not. Neither do I want to see to the welfare of your employer. Least of all since he is now officially inconveniencing me. But I do want to hold a candid conversation regarding your working status. One that will never be resolved if you are lost in the wilds of Ouzelia."

"Hey! The wilds there are nice! Only half the things which look like they want to eat you actually do! The other half just want to use you as a back scratcher!"

I pursed my lips.

"... R-Regardless, I shall find and negotiate with him in order to permit your continued stay while I am in need. If nothing else, I refuse to let you leave without having experienced choux pastry made with actual cream and not whatever solidified sadness you've experienced so far … this I insist upon!"

Yes … even if it meant taking a short … very short detour to Coppelia's homeland!

For a moment, she merely blinked, as if making sure the look of determination mixed with contrition was real.

Sadly, it was.

And so–

"Woooooooooo!" She raised both arms in joy, her smile blooming against a dimming hearthfire. "I get to show you Henry the crab! This. Is. Awesome!"

"I … I don't want to see Henry the crab, thank you …"
 
You know, if Coppella's boss is indeed a dragon, there is a potential extra benefit to this endeavor.

She can negotiate to have him be her kidnapper! That way, if any other dragon shows up to kidnap her (they haven't yet since they have to be working their way up to her) then she can direct them to Coppella's boss rather than bothering her.

Everyone (only Juliette) wins!
 
Chapter 286: Through The Looking Glass New
Morning came to the sound of songbirds.

Washed clean of a lich's veil, I looked up and winced as sunlight poured around me.

Outside the stables of a roadside inn, wisps of golden light shone between the leaves of a weathered cedar tree to paint my kingdom in a dazzling array of springtime.

A sight which could never dull. The pitter-patter of rain overnight left fronds of wild grass shimmering like the surface of a pond. As they dipped and swayed to the scent of pollen and dew, so too did the butterflies and rabbits dancing amidst the primroses.

There was just one problem.

I could barely see it.

My eyes were so bleary that the butterflies and rabbits were a single blur. A bizarre amalgamation of fluffy wings, antennae ears and insect eyes. Yet that wasn't the strangest sight here.

No … that would be Coppelia happily patting Apple's mane.

Normally fierce rivals for my attention and sometimes my food, my loyal handmaiden was cheerfully greeting Apple as though he had never once beaten her to a fresh daisy.

"Okay! Got your stuff? It's a long walk from here to Ouzelia. Say 'neigh' if you're ready and 'nay' if you're not. Either way, it's off we go~"

Apple snorted in answer.

Yes … this was highly strange.

Not least of which were Coppelia's words.

Why, they almost suggested the vivid, terrible, alarming nightmare I had last night was true …

Naturally, that couldn't possibly be true … right?

"Coppelia."

"Yes?"

I gave a gentle cough.

"Ahem … by any chance, did I agree to the somewhat horrific notion of visiting Ouzelia?"

"You sure did!"

I nodded.

And then–I placed my face in my palms.

O-Ouzelia!

I had agreed to accompany Coppelia to Ouzelia!

This … This was awful?!

It wasn't a nightmare at all! It was real!

Why, just a few short hours ago, I'd made the public declaration that I'd help rescue her library curator! And now I'd woken up and had to do it!

T-This was absurd! I was a princess! … Since when did my decisions have consequences?!

"I've got good news about that~" said Coppelia, who was about to say only bad news. "The horse blew air out of his nose. That means he's ready to go! When do you want to set off?"

I was aghast.

"C-Coppelia, I cannot possibly head off to Ouzelia on Apple!"

"Oh, do you finally want a newer and shinier horse? Because I can get that for you!"

Apple snorted in response.

Unnecessary, of course. He had the least to fear.

"A new and shinier horse? … Why, you would need to find me a hundred new and shinier horses! We currently lack the most important thing for an extensive journey across the continent!"

"... Hazelnut croissants?"

I shook my head with utmost seriousness, then began counting down with my fingers.

"Even more than that … we lack two dozen carriages, a complement of knights, a primary and reserve choir, more dignitaries than we have time to accommodate so as to incite petty rivalries. We also miss a legion of paupers, merchants, minstrels harassing our every step, to say nothing of the weeping farmers whose lands we trample through … we are missing every component of a royal entourage!"

Indeed, no matter where I looked, we were woefully unprepared!

To visit a foreign nation was one thing … but to do so via a string of others without taking the opportunity to bankrupt each and every one as they hosted our lavish needs was quite another!

"Eeehh … that seems like a lot of fuss."

"No, it is an inconceivable amount of fuss. That is the point of it. To sit back and watch as our foreign rivals are forced to bribe their peasants into pretending to know who we are is our diplomatic right. To forego that is an inexcusable waste!"

"Don't worry, there's always next time, right? You can just go incognito."

I shook my head at once.

Sadly, it was not so simple to hide from foreign monarchy as it was my peasantry. If it was, I wouldn't need to cleverly hide myself during state banquets by feigning I was a mannequin staring unblinkingly at the same melting sorbet all evening.

"Were it only so simple. But the world is dangerous. Even more so for princesses."

"... Is this a dragon thing?"

"A dragon thing would be far easier to handle. They at least have manners. Sadly, princes do not. Why, I wouldn't be able to step past the border of my realm before one sniffs me out for my hand, offering me a smile instead of at least their inheritance. That is a faux pas I lack the will to repeatedly deal with."

Coppelia wore a look of mild grief. I nodded at her empathy.

"In that case, I have an idea!" she said with a clap of her hands. "One that doesn't involve weird princes sniffing you out, despite the fact most are definitely human and can't actually do that."

"Excellent. What do you propose?"

"Before I tell you, you have to say yes."

Hmm.

How curious. She hadn't even made her opening pitch and I was already inclined to furiously shake my head. Not even the merchants at our gates accomplished that.

"Really now, I cannot say yes to something I haven't even heard. But there's little need to fear. I'm open to all suggestions which result in no inconvenience, cost or responsibility to me. Is it these things?"

Coppelia blinked.

"... Yes," she said, slowly and deliberately.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Truly … ?"

"Truly." She paused. "It's also perfectly safe."

"Excuse me! Why is safety the thing first that you try to convince me of?!"

"Because I follow all rules and regulations regarding the use of mysterious magical unexplained things which probably shouldn't be allowed and I officially do not possess."

Paying no attention to my ready look of horror, Coppelia went straight to Plan F.

She parted her hands.

And there came again a terrifying stretch of the abyss.

A thing which remained chronically unexplained. An ominous window of darkness, matched only in its nefarious appearance by its sinister aura. As she stretched it like wet clay, the sunlight seemed to evade it entirely, yet still it shimmered like the coat of some blackened monster being stirred awake.

"You can use this," she said optimistically. "It leads directly to the library. Ta-da! All problems solved~"

I stared at the black window.

And then–

"Oho …"

Coppelia groaned.

"Wait. I've changed my mind. You don't need to–"

"Ohhoho … ohhohohho … ohhohhohohhho!!"

Unable to stop the dam once cracked, my mirth spilled out like cream from a squished mille-feuille.

My melodic laughter filled the air, sending butterflies and rabbits alike scurrying to the nearby woods to inform their friends. They would all have time to enjoy it.

Coppelia looked aggrieved as she waited for my laughter to end. It did. Eventually. After a few more coughs ending with both hands pressed against my stomach.

"Oho … ho … very … very well," I said, wiping a tear from my eye. "Your jests have improved dramatically. I shall acknowledge that. Why, it almost sounded as if you asked me to squeeze through the sinister and unexplained window of malevolence you have here."

Coppelia responded with a bright smile.

For a moment, her lips quivered as she fought against the wisdom of agreeing it was indeed a fine jest.

"I mean–"

"Absolutely not!" I threw my hands towards the … thing, my expression suitably appalled to match. "Are you seriously suggesting I leap into this floating box?"

"I can make it bigger! You wouldn't need to leap … unless you want to?"

"No!"

"Okay, well, I'm just saying that this is the simplest and most efficient way to get to the library."

"The simplest and most efficient way to ruin my public image, yes. I have no idea what this surface is made of. Some kind of magical ink? I will not have my first impression of myself in a foreign land be that of a princess covered by gunk. I may as well spill a casket of Cuvée des Rienne over myself beforehand!"

To my alarm, Coppelia merely looked galvanised by my response.

"Oh, is that the only issue?"

"It is one of many issues. The others are bottomless pits, falling pianos and insufferable heroes."

"Well, I can't help you with those. But I can with this. Look~"

Thus … she stuck her head through the black abyss.

I didn't even have the will to groan. Especially as I was too busy leaning away … while perhaps also watching curiously to see what would happen.

The result–

"... See, perfectly fine!"

Coppelia pulled back, then offered me a cross-eyed smile.

My mouth widened. She quickly shook her head.

"R-Really now! That cannot possibly be healthy … nor a common mode of transportation!"

"No worries! Sure, it's not really designed to accommodate people … in fact, it's like trying to feed a carnivorous lamb with their least favourite intruder. They'll accept it the first few times, and then just say no the next. But until then, we're good! … I think!"

"This is not a lamb," I said, pointing at the still nefarious black window. "In fact, I've no idea what it is."

"The short answer is that it's a dimensional window."

"I want the long answer."

"Oh. I don't know what the long answer is. I only asked for the short answer."

I briefly scrunched up my eyes, taking solace in the far more comforting darkness that only came from the back of my eyelids.

"... But what I do know is that it functions as a portal. It's a spell I'm borrowing while using myself as an anchor. Almost like a rune. It's not as smooth as a normal dimensional passage, but it works! You saw it when the wyvern head went through and back. You can use it too!"

"Please, if I wanted to become lost in the abyss, I'd enter my shoe closet. This ominous thing seems highly unnecessary for the task."

"It only looks ominous." Coppelia leaned into the black window, then pushed just her mouth through it. "Bruuuburugugugu."

Tiny bubbles floated outwards like the surface of a pond as she vibrated her lips.

I was horrified … that I almost wanted to try that as well.

I shook the intrusive thought away.

Even so, it didn't remove the very real issues I faced in travelling normally. I intended for my conversation with this missing curator to be both short and productive. And that included getting there.

Clearly a problem.

Ouzelia was hundreds of leagues away.

Given the weeks any journey would inevitably take, I'd even run the risk of missing the Summer Solstice Festival. That was inconceivable. It was the gala of the year and my family were its stars.

As a result … I swallowed a short breath.

It was all I needed.

Until I grew wings or Coppelia agreed to carry me, the most efficient option of flying across the continent wasn't an option. That meant the path ahead of me was clear. Or as clear as a sinister blob.

Regardless, I was Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea!

The only abyss worthy of concern was the empty vault of my treasury! I would gladly traverse any suspect magical portal to ensure it was filled … either by my hand, or those of my loyal retainers!

"... Very well!" I said with a nod. "I made a declaration, and I do not intend to renege on it … unless you're open to bribery?"

"Nope~"

Ugh.

Of all the times she had to gain a sense of ethics.

"In that case, to Ouzelia we go!"

"Yay~"

Coppelia joyfully widened the window of darkness.

Her figure leaned sidewards as she shaped it into a door. One that was now of little concern to me. For as I gazed into the inky surface, all I saw in reply were the travesties which waited beyond.

But that's fine!

I could survive that! … And so could my loyal steed!

"Apple, be sure to follow."

"Eehh, you want to bring the horse?!"

"I cannot leave him here. What is he going to eat? The inn? That is the only thing worse than the hay. Why, they're so wilted and mottled they make the skin of noblewomen look as blemishless as mine."

"You could just let him wander."

"Apple has no wish to wander. He will follow me into any suspect darkness. Isn't that right?"

He looked up, took one glance at the black abyss, then snorted in response.

I took that as a yes.

A moment later, a slightly wobbling door fully widened between Coppelia's palms. I looked at it no differently than I did a 14 layer cake my parents had attempted to bribe my marriage considerations with.

"Okay!" she said, making things harder as she hopped excitedly on the spot. "Go ahead!"

I pursed my lips as I eyed the inky surface.

It was all the hesitation I allowed. Because of all the things my role demanded of me, turning back was not one of them. … at least until Coppelia gave a sharp intake of breath.

"Oooh, oooh~ I almost forgot! There's something about the big guy you should probably know about."

"... Yes? What is it?"

"He's a dragon."

My face found my palms.

For a long moment, I simply stayed like that, stewing over every regret I hadn't even experienced yet.

"Excuse me?" I said through my fingers. "He's a what?"

"He's a dragon." Coppelia puffed out her cheeks, then blew out air while turning her face side to side. "Dragon. Breathes fire. Like that."

A resounding impression. I almost mistook Coppelia herself for a dragon.

"... Why is the curator of your library a dragon?"

"He likes books."

I waited for more. Nothing came. And so I nodded instead.

It was, after all, an acceptable reason.

"I see … and how exactly does a fire breathing dragon come to be kidnapped?"

"Not a clue. Let's find out!"

Coppelia gave her biggest smile yet.

All I saw was darkness. One that had nothing to do with the inky abyss waiting for me.

Regardless, I nodded and stepped towards it.

… Very well, then!

It was time for a princess to rescue a dragon.
 
Chapter 287: The Hidden Library New
The Fabled Realm of Ouzelia.

Snow and meadows. Mountains and lakes. Glimmering rivers coursing through valleyed forests teeming with life and treasure. Under each stone and log, it was said that enough hidden riches could be found that even adventurers would grow bored of it.

Nestled in the north of the continent, it was a land of beauty and plenty, famed as much for its vast berry farms as it was for the lack of soldiers to defend it.

A disparate union of counties, city-states, duchies and petty kingdoms of self-raised kings. Ouzelia was characterised by both its lack of unified governance and thus any significant army, its inner borders seemingly shifting or trading without issue on a whim.

Despite this, it was a land unseen by the watchful eyes of the south.

Whenever the Grand Duchess schemed from upon her perch, or the newest upstart in Rozinthe sought to reinvigorate the old empire, it was never towards this land of abundance.

The reason was simple.

Invading Ouzelia would mean having to deal with its people, and nobody wanted to do that.

But there was also a lesser reason as well.

Dragons.

Lots and lots of dragons.

Ancient, noble and deadly. The most powerful beings known to exist.

Armoured in scales as hard as the mountains they laired in and wreathed in magic as old as the first breath.With claws able to tear the earth asunder and flame that could melt a castle, it would take only a single irate dragon to quell an army marching through the narrow valleys.

Any invaders would have to deal with whoever they were socialsing with as well.

More dragons held their gatherings in Ouzelia than all the other realms put together. Nobody knew how many existed or how tea production kept up with demand. But nobody needed to know.

As creatures hatched as much from eggs as they were from magic, the very beat of their wings left tales of destruction in their wake.

And that begged a serious question.

"... why … do I … have to … rescchhueee … a dragon …"

My words came out as a tired yawn.

Yes, it was a truly ridiculous prospect.

Princesses did not rescue dragons. There was a well-established triangle.

1: Dragon kidnaps princess.

2: Knight tries to slay dragon and is eaten.

3: The princess escapes anyway.

That was the way it worked. No buts and no ifs.

That this sacred order of events could be twisted enough that a princess was somehow required to rescue a dragon was not only absurd, it was a danger to the social fabric.

If knights didn't continuously get themselves eaten by dragons, there would be nothing to stop them spreading. As a princess constantly at the end of their compliments, I stood to suffer the most.

… Fortunately, I didn't need to worry about this!

After all, there was no world in which I, Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea, would brazenly agree to rescue a dragon from horrors unknown!

Why, that would just be silly!

Thus, as I woke from my slumber, it was with a tired smile as I looked forward to the day of mundanity ahead. Raising my face from the pillow of my arms, I blinked through the starch gathering in my bleary eyes.

Then, I sought to stretch … and almost toppled over in my chair.

"–Hiee?!"

My hands reached out and grabbed a desk for all the world as if it was a life raft.

I sat for a moment, floating in an endless ocean of confusion.

No thoughts reached me there. The endless theories on geometry and the meaning of life no longer made themselves known. Only emptiness. And then somewhere I began to paddle, following a giant question mark in my mind as I blinked again and again … before finally scrunching my eyes and opening them anew.

Bright colours rewarded me for my perseverance.

A heap of books, each more colourful than the last, lay around me at my desk. I leaned down and studied the closest one.

A Court Lady's Indiscretion, Vol. 3.

The familiar red cover swept the cloudiness from my eyes.

Why, it was the book I was currently reading! But not only that … there was also the next book in the series as well!

Oh … Oh my!

But of course! How silly of me! I must have fallen asleep while studying again!

Chastising myself for my lack of care, I sat up straight and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. There was no reason I did that, of course. And anybody who might have said otherwise was guaranteed to coincidentally be looking in the opposite direction.

"... Would you like a marmalade scone, ma'am?"

Yes, even if they were holding a platter towards me.

Smiling amicably while professionally eyeing something on the other side of the world, a maid presented a selection of scones doused in lemon and orange marmalade.

"Oh, yes please."

Without hesitation, I nodded to accept them all, then sat back as the maid placed the platter down on the desk. She'd barely bowed and turned before another maid appeared beside me, a tea set held aloft on a tray.

"I've prepared bergamot tea, ma'am. There's also a choice of darjeeling, golden black and a breakfast blend if it's not to your liking."

"Ah. Thank you. The bergamot will do."

I waited as she duly prepared a warm cup of tea for me.

I noted the precise angle of the pour with a nod. She would not be fired today.

Offering a short bow, she then left me to enjoy my studying in peace. I began by assessing the orange marmalade scone, delighting at once in the savoury tartness of the slightly bitter oranges paired with the subtle sweetness of the tea.

Then, I picked up A Court Lady's Indiscretion, Vol. 3, and began to read.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Somewhere, a clock was ticking away.

The only disturbance as I munched away on a heap of scones still warm from the kitchens. Sipping through the bergamot, I wore a purely ironic smile as I continued my earnest studies in what a princess should most definitely not enjoy, thereby ensuring the virtue of my future reading habits.

X amount of minutes later–

"W-Where am I … ?!"

Hands slamming down on the desk, I immediately stood up.

A loud thud filled the air as my chair went crashing backwards, joined by the clattering of a mysteriously emptied scone tray flinging off to the side.

I paused, then brushed away the crumbs for good measure.

This …

This wasn't my bedroom!

At once, the memories came like one of Clarise's experiments at dawn. Except that instead of flames, what I saw was darkness. Pure darkness. A makeshift portal which had grabbed me by the ankles and swung me to my destination so fast that my nausea had no time to catch up!

I had stepped through a veritable door to the abyss! … Except this was even worse than that!

This … This was Ouzelia!

And this … was a library.

I instantly whipped around. And what I saw made me question if I'd made it to Ouzelia at all.

For one thing, nothing was on fire.

For another, there were scarcely enough books to make a fire. Certainly not the type to cause a scene worthy enough for our stewards to write out a letter of condolence in our name.

It was a modest library by all royal definition, complete with unvarnished panelled floors and streams of window light which only succeeded in blinding half my face.

Inoffensive and quaint. Not the words I'd use for a magical library.

Had I been forced to tour through a lord's residence, here is where I would have wrinkled my nose before proceeding outside to mock the design of the patio tiles.

I turned to the nearest bookshelf in confusion.

Perhaps the titles were more interesting, at least?

As I stepped away from my little alcove in the wall, I approached the column of books. I sent a quick peek around, then tipped the brightest spine towards me.

"Whatcha dooooing~?"

"–Hieee!"

I swung around to see the familiar face of my loyal handmaiden.

Leaning slightly forwards, Coppelia assessed me with a feigned look of suspicion compromised as much by the mischievous smile she wore as the plate of blueberry shortcakes she held.

Behind me, a book came tumbling down. She scooped it in the air with her free hand, then gracefully slid it back into its slot. I caught the name of the title as she did so.

Encyclopaedia Of Noble Lineage. Kingdom Of Tirea. A-E.

Gratitude filled me at once. She'd just saved me from wiping my hands.

"C-Coppelia!" I gestured all around me. "Where is … where are we?! How did I get here, surrounded by the crumbs someone else left behind?!"

Coppelia raised her arms and spun, blueberry shortcakes twirling along with her as she danced like a princess in her bedroom after escaping 2 entire minutes of planned social activity.

"Me is how~" she said with a bright smile. "This is where I carried you."

"This? … I don't even know where this is!"

"A place of wonders to help along the dream you were having after maybe passing out during the punt across time and space. And that includes snacks. Want a shortcake? It's just been made. The blueberry is practically melting into a sauce."

I groaned at the idea that my first introduction to Ouzelia was with my unconscious face. That was what I usually reserved for when the Holy Church's delegation visited the Royal Villa.

And then all I saw was the golden hue of sponge and a glistening blueberry garnish.

"A shortcake? … In that case, I suppose I can sample one, thank you …"

I accepted the offered treat, then took a small bite. And then another … and another. Shock filled me at once. While the shortcake itself was far too crumbly, the famed berries of Ouzelia did not disappoint. They were practically a melting glaze and … wait, no!

"I am not here to eat shortcake!" I said while eating shortcake. "I … wait, yes, I am here for the matter of your employer! This curator of yours, this … this dragon!"

I paused.

"... You did say dragon, yes?"

"Mmh, I did~"

I directed my groan towards the window.

In the end, I had nobody to fault but everybody else in the world. And then me last.

"... Very well!" I said as the last of the shortcake mysteriously vanished. "Then we have no time to waste! As … well, somewhat ordinary as this library is, I'm afraid I cannot afford to dally! I came here to perform a charitable service! … One which I hope to immediately squeeze for leverage, yes, but also charity!"

Coppelia pointedly tossed her emptied plate of shortcakes onto a desk where a copy of A Court Lady's Indiscretion, Vol. 3 was currently bookmarked for future studying.

Her playful smile filled my vision.

"Are you sure? It looks like you've just woken up. Don't you need to find your feet first?"

"It's not my feet I need to find. It's a dragon … also, just to confirm–"

"Yes, I did say dragon."

I nodded.

Very well. I'd try again later.

"... Fine. A dragon." I briefly closed my eyes. "That's … That's fine! I can rescue a dragon!"

Indeed, why not?

What was a dragon but just a very large flying lizard?

Wherever he was stuck, I was certain I could engineer a way to pry him free!

Yes, carrying a dragon would be somewhat of an issue. But where there was a will, there was a way. Especially when that will was Coppelia's shoulders.

"Nooope~"

"E-Excuse me! I didn't even say anything … yet!"

"You're looking at me in the way children look at fruit slimes."

"That's ridiculous. Children only want to play with fruit slimes. I want to exploit your enchanted arms."

Coppelia pushed a book spine slightly in. It wasn't even jutting out. I tugged it back.

"So does the library," she said, wiping away an invisible bead of sweat from her brows. "You wouldn't believe the work I've had to do. I had to pretend to blow dust away from a book. And then I showed a guest to the wrong bookshelf and made them feel awkward because they couldn't find what they were looking for. And then I repeated that once more until they felt too bad to ask for any more help."

I gasped.

"H-How dare they! … You are not here as a librarian–"

"Assistant librarian."

"–assistant librarian, but as part of my personal retinue! Nobody is allowed to distract you from your important duties! … Where is everyone? Who do I direct my complaints to? Why, for a mysterious library, I'm rather surprised it's not at least bigger than a bookstore!"

Coppelia's less than innocent smile was all I needed to want to go home.

"Hmm … well, everyone else is probably doing their own thing. Although it might not seem like it, you really need to call out if you need anyone. The library is surprisingly big."

I looked around once more, still able to count the number of bookshelves.

"... Really? How big?"

"This big."

Coppelia leaned forwards and pushed another spine in.

This time, it slotted deep within its row.

Crank.

All of a sudden, I heard a noise so ominous it sent a tremor through the ground. The wooden panels began to shake. And so did I.

It was like two heavy cogs colliding beneath me. And I was skipping on top.

"C-Coppelia?!"

The ground trembled. I instinctively reached out and balanced myself against the nearest row of spines. The words Elementary Mathematics, Books 1 - 6 shone back at me. I slapped them away.

Crank. Crank. Crank.

And then–

The very wall beside us groaned as it began to part.

And the Hidden Library revealed itself at last.

A wide doorway opened up to me. I blinked as fresh light streamed through innumerable windows, for what revealed itself was a dome of criss-crossing wooden beams rising higher than my neck could comfortably crane. Peering upwards, I found chandeliers of moss and vines dangling as though from an enormous pergola.

My little alcove in the wall, apparently, was itself an alcove in a greater chamber.

One big enough to host a dragon.

And then I saw the rest of it.

Bookshelves which didn't just line the walls. They were the walls. Stacked in great columns like endless blocks, they rose almost to the top of the domed ceiling.

A daunting task for those not blessed with a mountain giant's height.

But not for those wielding magic.

Eschewing the need for ladders, librarians in fetching uniforms and guests in mage's attire walked to and fro, conjuring what they required with a flick of a wrist.

They were spoiled for choice.

However many books had ever been written, they could be enjoyed here. And with the only distraction being the heavy stomping in the near distance, the random scream of terror, the scuttling of a crab and the aggressive bleating of a goat.

A hundred questions tickled my curious mind.

All of them where the exit was.

"Welcome to the Hidden Library," said Coppelia with a tidy clap of her hands. "I, Coppelia, #1 ranked assistant librarian by nationwide popularity poll, will be your guide today. Please mind your step, watch out for falling books and follow me. If you get lost, raise both arms and yell wildly."

My face found my palms.

Even so, it wasn't enough to stop the sight of a smile bright enough to peek past my fingertips. She leaned in and easily pried them apart regardless.

"Our first stop–the scene of the crime."
 
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