Chapter Seventy-Eight
Louise was fast. She had been the fastest among the orphans, and quite quick with her feet even at the Academy, especially to escape the older years or even her own classmates when the time called for it. Saito could barely keep up with her without pulling out a weapon, but doing so would be kind of counter-productive, so he simply rushed after her dark hair, which turned around a few corners, before coming to a halt in a dirty alleyway she had run into, a dead-end on the other side.
Her fists slammed against the wall angrily, but before she could reach for her swordwand, Saito's hand gripped her wrist to stop her. "Louise!" he yelled, "What's gotten into you?!"
"J-Just let me go!" Louise snapped back, trying to break free of the grip and failing miserably at that. "Just-Just when did you become this strong?" she grumbled, starting to kick him in the shins. "Come on! Let go of me!"
"Not until you tell me what's wrong!" Saito said hotly, keeping the hold firm. "Louise! Please, you have to understand-"
Louise stopped fighting all of a sudden, her face betraying a tired expression looked up at Saito with a grim smile, a sad and defeated look that was only accentuated when she simply slumped her shoulders and proceeded to drop down with her back against the wall. The pavement was positively filthy, but she didn't seem to care about it, and as Saito hesitantly let go of her wrist, she remained with her back against the wall, her head propped up against it.
"Heh," she said with a small shrug, "In the end, it's always back to being a failure."
"Louise," Saito said softly, kneeling down to be at her same eye-level, "It's just the two of us right now, so-so whatever the problem is, tell me. I'll understand."
"You always understand," Louise retorted flatly. "You don't 'understand' a thing, but we are an understanding person, aren't you, Saito? If the roles had been reversed-the moment I realized my power, I would have knocked you out and kept you tied up like a ham, and then I'd have made a name for myself, perhaps berating you for-for having brought me away from my family, my home, my people, even my planet!" she giggled nervously, "I was so desperate back then. So, so desperate, I acted all tough and, like, knowledgeable, but-but I was so scared that when I summoned you, well, if I had summoned a gerbil, I would have been glad all the same."
She wiped at her eyes with the back of her left hand. "Oh Founder Brimir-pentagon of the five elements, please send me a familiar that can help me get home. Please, I beg of you, even though I'm a failure, I just want to go home. Even if I cannot cast properly, send me a proper familiar who will understand me, who will be there for me, who will help me-that's what I said, you know?" she made a small awkward smile, "And when you popped out, I thought 'damn, I got myself a ball and chain, a weight, something really fit for the orphan failure of a no-name Germanian church'."
Louise clenched her hands, looking down at them, at where her nails were digging in her palms. "But you weren't a failure. You didn't scream at me. You didn't yell at me. You didn't leave me. Maybe it was because you were scared, but-but in the end, you stuck with me. Even when you could have left," she giggled softly, "I woke up a few times in the middle of the first nights afraid you'd just walk away while I was asleep, or start to choke the life out of me with your hands. Those are my most recurring nightmares, you know? Of you killing me, insulting me, giving me what I deserve for being such a horrible person-"
"Louise, I'd never-"
"But maybe you should!" Louise snapped abruptly. "I had nothing. There was nothing to my name, and you stuck around me. You-you couldn't read, but you learned really quickly. You could have found work in the city, left me, but you didn't. You kept staying by my side. Yes, I promised you I'd bring you back home, but what if it was an empty promise? What if it is an empty promise? What if there's no way back home for you and I'm the one responsible for it!?" she pushed both hands against her face. "Why did you trust me? I wouldn't have trusted a two-copper ecus orphan like myself with such a big promise. We'll be adventurers! Who the hell would believe that!? We made it, somehow we made it, and I was happy. Really, I was happy. Even if I wanted to become a nun, I was still really happy to have someone like you by my side."
She smiled even as she brought her knees close to her, wrapping her with her arms, "It-It made me feel happy to have someone believe in me so much. I thought I'd never be worth something, but you kept pushing me, and I became someone. I was the adventurer Louis, that-that was beautiful, you know? To have a sense of purpose, even something as simple as 'killing monsters for money' and to have someone to share it with. I wasn't a failure any longer, I wasn't an orphan kid any longer. I was an adventurer, and yet-yet I always thought that whenever you got hurt, it was still because of me. You said it was your duty, as the one with the shield-and the armor-but I was the one who brought you here."
Louise shook her head softly. "You had no duty, you have no duty, there is no reason for you to protect me like you do. There was no reason, and there is no reason. When-When you died, when you stopped being my familiar, I thought you'd just realize it and say goodbye, but you didn't. You stuck by my side, worse than glue, really," she chuckled bitterly. "You really never hesitated, did you? You never thought about it either, but that's just like you. To never think things through, no matter what. To act like a headstrong imbecile only when there's no one around to stop you, and-and when I saw you be flung against the wall of the barracks, when I saw you hurt like that-I-I nearly blew my mother's familiar head off. I was just so angry," Louise shuddered. "But...but I understood it back then, the limits you were bringing yourself to just to stick around me. I had a whole week to watch you sleep, and I couldn't do anything but think, well, think and get cuddles, and recriminate about me being cuddled," Louise's grip on her shoulders tightened.
"Oh Founder, I took him away from something like this? I took him away from a loving, understanding family? I took him away from his mother, his father, his friends? I took him away from his whole world?" Louise murmured in disbelief, her head shaking slightly. "I would not have forgiven this. I would not have forgiven this to anyone, even the Founder. I would not have allowed anything to stand between me and going back home, and I'd have hit the guy, I'd have choked the guy, I'd have killed the guy."
"Louise, look-how about we go back in the inn and-"
"Let me finish!" Louise snapped sharply. "It's-It's important that I finish this. Then-Then we can go back, and face whatever happens next, but-but I must finish first," she said shakily. "Don't you understand? You're dense, aren't you? You're a block of dense marshmallow, a girl gives you the kind gaze and you move over to help like some sort of knight in shining armor, and it's not bad, but you've got to pay attention-you've got to be careful, because sometimes people aren't nice, no matter how nice they appear. I thought-well, I thought you'd realize it, but you didn't. And then I understood that somewhere, somewhere deep down, I was glad you didn't. Because if you forgave me for taking you away from your whole world, then of course you'd forgive someone like Charlotte. If you didn't, then it wouldn't be you," she whispered the last words with conviction, and suddenly chuckled, looking straight into Saito's eyes as she gave him one more tired smile.
"Maybe I lied. Maybe I'm not really angry about Charlotte. Maybe the one person I'm angry the most is myself, because with everything that happened-a void user, really? Don't you know that Void Users are destined to participate in a great crusade in the Elf's lands? And Saito can't be the Gandalfr-he was traumatized, traumatized I say, but-but if he is, then it's my fault again. And he'll just get hurt again, and again, and again-and even if he isn't hurt, he'll still be here because I summoned him. So-So it's all my fault. And so if it's all my fault," Louise grabbed a fistful of her hair, "Then what right do I have to feel like I feel? What right do I have to-to feel this-this."
And then she jumped straight against Saito's face, locking her lips with his in something that was akin to desperation, a mixture of need and yet also the saltiness of tears that kept being shed by already red and puffy eyes.
"That's it," Louise said in the end, pushing him away with both of her hands on his shoulders. "Now you can just-you know, do something silly like saying 'a brothel would have been better as an apology', and I'll laugh at it, and you'll laugh, and we can move on to it-"
"Louise," Saito muttered. "Was that-"
Louise shook her head. "Nothing really. It was nothing. Think of it as a joke. Yes, this all thing was just a joke. Better this way, just a joke-we will get you back home now. Siesta-She's not here, she went with Marteau back and she'll be in Tristain, and she knows someone who can help fix the Dragon Raiment, a kind teacher, or something like that. I don't know. And then, we'll head back from Versailles to Tristain, and you'll hop on and then leave. We'll make it with plenty of time to spare too. Guess what? You're even lucky-the moons usually come together once every hundreds of years, and that time is coming in little more than a month. Plenty of time to say your goodbyes, plenty of time to prepare and leave-plenty...of time..." she swallowed noisily, "To forget about this silly joke I played on you."
"When were you going to tell me this?" Saito asked, his voice half-shocked and half-puzzled, mostly because he had a silly smirk on his face and was gingerly touching his lips with his left hand.
"I was going to," Louise said, looking abruptly to the side. "Just-Just not now, not like this. I was-Well, after Versailles, on our way back. If they couldn't repair the plane, I didn't want to give you a false hope, but-but I know they will repair it, because Saito, please-please listen to me," she grabbed the hem his sleeve with both hands, "You can't fight a war. I won't allow it. I won't allow you to fight a war because of this world's sake, not when it doesn't concern you. It doesn't matter how they phrase it, I know Charlotte wants that. I know she's planning something, and I know it won't be anything good. I know it, and because I know it, please, Saito...please, promise me you'll refuse whatever deal they'll offer you and go back home."
She wrung her hands together, dropping her grip on Saito's sleeve. "Just-just don't say anything, all right? I-I think it's best if we forget about this, just remember the last part, and we can go back and be-be ourselves. Yes, that-that would be for the best."
Louise weakly smiled, "What-What do you say about that, partner?"
"No," Saito replied. It was a pretty normal word, but it froze Louise's weak smile on her face.
"No?"
"No," Saito nodded, "I need to give you a proper answer."
And he did.
Yes indeed, he did.
AN: ...Just so we are clear, understand that unless there is a 'The End' in the lower right corner this means absolutely nothing in the form of 'official' or not pairings -especially because I never work with that concept in my head to begin with. I wouldn't be surprised if in future chapters from now there would be a heart-breaking scene where they leave each others. Just so you are warned.
