"Heh, don't be to harsh on yourself kiddo, the first time I had a true fight to dead I ended using the wrong side of my spear!"
"to the death" unless you were meaning something else
I don't want to leave you, but if by leaving you for 2 years I can be sure to be at your side the forever, then I will do it," I said firmly.
The phrasing is off here, but the nuance of what it conveys changes with the multiple ways to fix it. Also, while not wrong, it is usually considered poor form to not write out numbers less than ten (although there are exceptions to that). For example, "I don't want to leave you, but if by leaving you for two years I can be sure to remain by your side forever, then I will." is an acceptable revision, but it coveys more of 'I am going to leave you' feeling while "I didn't want to leave you, but if by leaving you for two years I could be sure to remain by your side forever, then I will." is more confusing in what it conveys since its phrasing starts with something that suggests 'this is why I left you' followed by a 'so I would leave' phrase.
Here then was an awkward silence that I tried to break, "So… you rescue me from the ocean?"
This awkwardness has gone meta. The phrasing here is a bit awkward. "Here then was" needs to be replaced, but I can't think of what it should be since I forgot to quote the surrounding text. Sorry.
Tunnel Vision: (Sometimes when you focus too much at something you lost perception of things that happens around you, from big events to small actions, you may not notice them)
There's a lot wrong with this. I'm just gonna rewrite this and you can change it as you see fit.
Tunnel Vision: Sometimes you focus too much on things, loosing focus of that which goes on around you.
If you want it to be something that has pros and cons and not just cons though, this phrasing might be better.
Tunnel Vision: At times, your mind singles something out, centering your focus on it. While it eases pursuit of goals, you can be blind to the consequences of your actions.
