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Tech-Atheist (WH30K/Celestial Forge v3 SI)

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It's nice I know I'm enjoying it!


I don't really remember much because of how long it's been but I know I have been enjoying it. Although whatever was going on at the end was pretty confusing

For the forge feel free to do what you feel necessary. I'd personally be fine with you refunding perks/more directly controlling things

I'd be fine with that just don't delete/overwrite this story until you have the other stuff up
 
What just happened? One moment Acerak is about to be shot, then be depart on a ship? Is it a time skip or flashback?

Edit: I'm fine with just a few Primarch in the story.
 
Big fan of this story and the writing is good, the depiction of all imperial factions are likewise good and I sometimes do enjoy his new random power fucking up his plans or freaking him out.

I generally like the technology babble and how he accidentally breaks all Mechanicus tenets cause they are stupid.
 
Do you like the premise of a non-Primarch post-Heresy 30k story, or does that not have unique appeal outside of being a Warhammer and Celestial Forge fanfic?
  • I absolutely love the premise. Actually on second thought, I feel that your writing is strong enough that going either way with Primarchs or without I would continue to read. I would suggest if you do add Primarchs, don't let them overshadow your main character. Adding Primarchs can be a pretty epic moment. Just don't accidently change main characters!
How strong is the writing? Does it have a particular flavor, and do you like or dislike it? What about the characters? Or, if you want, just tell me what scenes/events you've liked or disliked so far.
  • I find it a little difficult to get into a new character's point of view when I haven't been introduced to the character previously. The naval breacher is one example. Also the alternative POVs tend to start a little too early, going into detail on things that aren't relevant to the main plot. Several times Ramirez's POV goes on for several paragraphs about something that doesn't seem relevant to Acerak or the ongoing plot before actually moving to something relevant. If it is to set up for something in the future, my apologies and continue. I only point out Ramirez specifically because it seems from the latest chapter we might not see him again for an extended period of time.
How do you feel about the handling of the Forge? In particular, how well do you feel the perks are handled? Do you like or dislike the "X words = Y points" mechanic? I am considering moving to a system where I get a lot more control over the perks themselves, though there would still be an element of randomness to it. Perks would also be given at appropriate times, not as soon as the character gets a full rest. Along with this, I would partly refund "useless" perks. Would your interest increase, decrease, or stay the same if I tried to control the perks more openly?
  • You haven't fallen into the trap some forge fics where they immediately interrupt the story flow to delve into the possibilities of the new things or knowledge he gets. But your character is also seemingly getting a lot of perks that he isn't using. Moving to a new system sounds like a good idea. I think you mentioned you need to research the perks and the works they are from? It might be better to simply filter out perks from works you are uninterested in and have no intention of exploring. As it is, Acerak has plenty of perks he can explore already. Definitely slowing down the perk gain somehow might and focusing on more relevant perks is a good direction to move towards.
How would you feel if the story was rebooted to address various issues as already pointed out or mentioned in response to this request for feedback? This would obviously increase the time before an update. Maybe a month or so to the overall break?
  • I'm vehemently against a reboot. It's been mentioned before from other posters, but the amount of times and author has gone back to "reboot" a story only to end up abandoning it is a serious concern. In my opinion I don't see any serious issues that would require rebooting the story, only that you take the existing issues into account for writing future chapters.
 
I am enjoying the story, though I'm not that clear on where or why he's taking off at the end of this chapter. I assume that the he's been recalled/assigned somewhere else - but we didn't really get to see that.


I will say that in general I am against reboots. Far too often that becomes the last post you see about a story. I usually feel it's better to just keep going, maybe with a targeted edit in previous chapters if it is absolutely needed to prevent running into a wall, otherwise things simply don't get out of reboot/revision hell.

I have no problem with you editing or removing options - I would think that would be a standard issue as it's rather hard to use perks that come from a series that you know nothing about or are completely broken to the point it nukes the issues in the story.

I'm pretty fine with things happening during his sleep, instead of just at random through out the day. You might change it so things only come once a week or month at most or something like that if you want to slow down the perk acquisition. You could even show it in story with him 'feeling' something slowing down or consolidating or something to represent that things aren't happening as often.
 
I very much enjoy this idea and story. the Celestial Forge stuff isn't the main point or takes all the limelight from the characters and story. I think there should be more stories of non primarch 30k stuff, especially Tech Priest stuff cause that type of thing is fascinating. The writing is very strong and enjoyable, some parts are a little confusing but thats probably a me thing with reading fast.
As for a reboot. Don't, like others have said. Its a trap and if you do a reboot, you probably will never be able to finish the story you want to tell.
 
the end of the chapter after the attempted killing of the MC was abrupt and disjointed with too much info and scene missing
 
This is an interesting story concept, and I like how you are handling the setting itself, and you do write well, but like others have said it's a little hard to read the perspectives in this update, and I've no idea what was going on with the bronze people. I guess that was like, a bunch of ship machine spirits? Or maybe a warp manifestation of the omnissiah? Idk, happy to wait for more updates thank you.
 
acerak said:
  1. Do you like the premise of a non-Primarch post-Heresy 30k story, or does that not have unique appeal outside of being a Warhammer and Celestial Forge fanfic?
  2. How strong is the writing? Does it have a particular flavor, and do you like or dislike it? What about the characters? Or, if you want, just tell me what scenes/events you've liked or disliked so far.
  3. How do you feel about the handling of the Forge? In particular, how well do you feel the perks are handled? Do you like or dislike the "X words = Y points" mechanic? I am considering moving to a system where I get a lot more control over the perks themselves, though there would still be an element of randomness to it. Perks would also be given at appropriate times, not as soon as the character gets a full rest. Along with this, I would partly refund "useless" perks. Would your interest increase, decrease, or stay the same if I tried to control the perks more openly?
  4. How would you feel if the story was rebooted to address various issues as already pointed out or mentioned in response to this request for feedback? This would obviously increase the time before an update. Maybe a month or so to the overall break?
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1) The primarchs are useful as protagonist because (I think) it's felt they're at the bare minimum level to have agency/the possibility to derail the grimderp that is 40k. It didn't seem that way at first but it looks like Arcenak, while still very easily squished atm, could have that kind of impact so we're all good.
2) I've enjoyed the way you taken time here and there to flesh out characters for what felt like the art of the craft. eg: the captain and his grief, ramirez and his ambition.
3) The forge can become a bit like IDs/dungeons in the gamer, a pit where endless words are poured with no actual plot or character interactions happening. I'm very happy to say that I don't feel you've gone that way (tiny bit when describing perks which we're unlikely to ever care about after their 'delivery'). Lastly on that point randomness is the death of story: and then a tiger leapt at them and ate them.
4) Neutral leaning toward some anxiousness. Rewrites, well... Perfection is the death of good enough. Or published in that case.

five) Whose a good ship! you are, yes you are!
six) Happy New Year!
 
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tri2 said:
the end of the chapter after the attempted killing of the MC was abrupt and disjointed with too much info and scene missing
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Thanks for the reminder, I've added the following snippet to Chapter 19 to try and fix that issue. You all can read it below for convenience.

acerak said:
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PRIORITY 10 ALERT: VISUAL STREAM LOST

PRIORITY 5 ALERT: DAMAGE TO EYE SOCKETS DETECTED

Penketh: What are you doing!?

Alancore: Lower your weapon, Logis! You cannot kill him, doubly so after what we have seen!

Jeneka-Nul: Acknowledged. You are all ordered to join me aboard my vessel so we may return to Mars.

Ramirez: That's not going to happen. Magos Acerak is an integral part of the repair efforts.

Jeneka-Nul: I am not depriving you of all Mechanicus aid. As I have explained, I come with fresh and experienced cohorts of tech-priests who will tend to your vessels. They have been reassigned to you permanently, so you too may bring down the Omnissiah's wrath on the traitors and hereteks with your ships. In exchange, I take back the ones I gave you, along with one I didn't.

Penketh:...So be it. We will not forget this. This meeting is finished, I think.

Jeneka-Nul: Indeed it is, though I would err if I did not remind you that the Adeptus Mechanicus does not forget either. As for you five, inform the others and gather all your belongings. We must depart as swiftly as possible.
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