Foundation 2.1
After Victoria flew Amy home, she met up with Dean again at the Boardwalk.
They were originally going to get Amy to come with them to grab a snack and make her spill the beans on who caught her eye, but after the meeting with Taylor, Amy said she wasn't in the mood to go anywhere.
Victoria and Dean had a silent message passed between them before they let her off.
Now at the Boardwalk, they went to their favourite fish and chips joint, and got a room with a nice view of the coast as usual before ordering their drinks and snacks.
"You heard her say it too right? Ames said she spent the night with Taylor! I thought she was just working too late on Monday…"
Victoria spoke with wide eyes.
"Yeah…" Dean said noncommittally. He was still trying to process what he read off of Amy that day.
There was no doubt that something had changed with her. At first, he thought it was plausible what Victoria had speculated to him—Amy found a guy she liked.
He didn't think it was likely that Amy had found someone else, but plausible, given that her state of mind was much more positive throughout the day, and the jealousy and hurt and guilt had dimmed, a lot.
He knew what was going on with Amy's jealousy towards him, having figured it out almost half a year ago and he tried to help, at times. He had raised the subject gently, and she'd always reacted badly. It was tough. It was a secret, and he had no right to push it, but it was serious and Amy had been in a bad place for a long time. It was killing her inside slowly, and he didn't have many options for helping. Dean didn't think anyone could be a great help, but it was especially bad for him because of his awkward position as the target of her jealousy. Any attempts to console her could just end up seeming like he was trying to make her give up competing with him.
But he knew, and he couldn't just do nothing because he had the power to read emotions, and Victoria wouldn't ever forgive him if she knew that he didn't even try.
So he tried to reach out more than a couple of times, and it had never gotten anywhere. And they were both busy, with crises in the city happening all too often, and she's off healing somewhere while he patrolled the streets. They'd only see each other in passing, and there was never enough trust built up to really have a heart to heart.
There were days like today, when he and Victoria tried to get Amy to come out with them, but she usually declined, and knowing just why she would decline, Dean never tried to push it like Victoria sometimes did.
He had just been thinking of ways to make a stronger effort, when she came to school today with only a fragment of the depression she usually had.
The waitress came in with their order, a shared fish and chips dish for both of them, ice tea for Victoria, and hot chocolate for himself.
"And that 'healing'," Victoria said making air quotes. "I can't be the only one who thought the way she described it was kinda weird. Relieving stress, feeling amazing? And visiting her in the middle of the night, but only healing her after she fell asleep?"
"Vicky…didn't she just tell you not to jump the gun?"
"But come on, there must be something going on between them. Don't you think so too, Dean?"
"Maybe, but it's probably not the rabbit hole you're imagining."
Again, he thought it was plausible that Amy liked Taylor, but that wasn't what he read during the meeting between them earlier, and Amy still had feelings of attraction to Victoria throughout the day.
Victoria puffed and frowned. "Then what do you think it is? You're always like this when we talk about my sis, disagreeing with me without saying anything. You figure everyone else out just fine, so why do you act like you're so unsure about her?"
Victoria could be perceptive about these things, Dean knew. It was only a matter of time before she called him out on this, and today turned out to be the day.
"Amy's emotions are really complex," he said. He didn't want to tell her the truth. It would be too much, too soon.
"Because everyone else is simple minded? And I'm a dumb bimbo in comparison?" Victoria looked down and dipped a fry into her ketchup. Strands of hair fell across her face.
"Woah, I didn't say that. All emotions are complex, it's not easy to figure out. And I don't think that, Vicky. I wouldn't be dating you if I did. Besides, you know I can't read your emotions well either."
"Don't lie to me. You're always agreeing with her and telling me off. I'm your girlfriend, shouldn't you take my side most of the time? I bet you wish I could be more like sis, don't you? Smart, focused, thinks before she acts," said Victoria.
"What? No, you're plenty smart—"
"You're just saying that. I can barely keep up with parahumans 101 while Ames is already done the equivalent of a PhD, and Brockton U's planning to award her with an honorary degree during the grad ceremonies this summer."
"Parahumans 101 is a college course, Vicky, that's already way ahead of everyone else in high school. And Amy has her power to help her understand biology on a molecular level. You can't compare that," said Dean. "Where did this even come from? I never knew that bothered you."
"And I'm happy for her, you know? But I can't be like her. I don't even know what I want to study in college and she's already got her career in order. While me and my girlfriends talk about boys and clothes, she's reading research journals and writing clinical notes about her patient cases. She's just there with us because that's what kids are supposed to do, even though she doesn't really need to be in school anymore. And I'll never be that smart or focused. That's the truth and I know it."
"Vicky, there's nothing wrong with being a normal high school student. I just don't understand why all of a sudden…"
Victoria threw away her fry and wiped her eyes. Dean had trouble continuing his words. It was so much easier when he could just read someone's emotions. He couldn't do that with Victoria, because capes who had emotion affecting powers were usually resistant to other emotion powers.
"Do you know why I wanted so badly to be a hero my entire life?" She asked in a quiet voice.
"You told me before…your whole family was made up of heroes. Everything revolved around being a hero and you weren't," he said carefully.
"Yes. Being heroes was all they ever talked about, all they seemed to care about. And why not? They were a famous, public team. They were heroes 24/7 because New Wave doesn't have secret identities. I wasn't part of that, and it was like they barely even saw me. I wasn't relevant. And the other kids were always asking me and Ames about them, like it wasn't enough that I thought about it every ten minutes, they had to remind me in every conversation too."
Dean waited patiently for her to continue. It wasn't clear to him why Victoria changed the topic to something else equally heavy, but it seemed like she was going to share some things she never had before.
"But I didn't have powers so all I could do was try my best in school. Except I'm not that smart, or into studying. Ames always had the better grades even before she got her powers."
There was the link, Dean realized.
"I'm not jealous of her though. Never was. Mom and dad didn't give her any more attention than they gave me, and she was the only one that made me feel like I even mattered, because I'm her sister and she loves me. But, there was never anything to celebrate, anything I could be proud of, anything that made mom and dad excited about what I had done. So I tried to do sports—basketball, you knew that. That kind of worked for a while. Mom and dad would come to watch my games, and I was pretty good. I could finally stand out. But they didn't always come, usually because of hero work, and every missed visit was horrible because the little things mattered so much when I had nothing else. Then there was that one game."
"The one where you were fouled badly?" He knew about that game. He was there, in fact, in the crowd, but they weren't dating yet then.
"Yeah. You know that girl that kicked my ass. She was so much better than me, and I saw the looks of disappointment on mom and dad's faces every time she beat me. When she wasn't beating me, they were just bored. They didn't really want to be there. They just had to, because they were my parents, and that's what parents do. And then that girl elbowed me hard, and it hurt so much, and I realized I didn't even want to be there either. I just wanted to be a freaking hero."
"And then you triggered." He knew this story, from the other side too. It was the whole reason he got interested in Victoria. He already had his powers by then and he knew exactly what she was going through on the court, how similar it was to his own desperate need that led him to seek out a power of his own. He just never knew how deep and connected it was to everything else, and that was the only time he felt Victoria's emotions because she triggered just then and he couldn't read her anymore after.
"I was so happy. I got what I wanted, and I was out there patrolling all the time. I was Glory Girl, and I could fight bad guys with my family. Except, I wasn't good at being a hero either. I was strong, I could fly—I loved that—I had a good power, but I kept making mistakes. I was so bad that I almost died getting shot by some gangers in a mall and Ames had to trigger to save me!"
"Everyone makes mistakes, Vicky. We learn from them, that's how we grow."
"But it's not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm always doing something wrong! Being a hero is all I've got going for me and even then nobody would like me if I didn't have my aura on! Collateral Damage Barbie, that's what they call me on the forums!"
"People say stupid things on the forum all the time, you shouldn't let them get to you. Besides, I like you Vicky, and your aura doesn't work on me. And you have Amy too."
"You like me because your powers don't work on me, but if you can't read Ames either, then—then what's the point of dating me when she's so much better than me and you obviously like each other!"
"What?! I don't—"
"I'm not that smart but I'm not stupid either! You guys sneak looks at each other when you think nobody else is watching. And I know Ames can't stand going out with us, not when it's so freaking painful to see us being together when it could be her instead of me! And you've known all along, that's why it's freaking awkward when we're all together and you don't help me try to include her because you guys try to hide how much you would rather be together instead! When we're at school and she sees us together she goes off to sulk alone and you sneak away to console her! You're just staying with me 'cause you try to act like a gentleman and we were together first, while Ames is sacrificing her own feelings to help me become the kind of girl you would like!"
"Vicky, please, weren't you just thinking about how Amy is into Taylor? How could there be anything between her and me?"
"And you denied that. Yeah, because you know better and her liking Taylor was just wishful thinking on my part but you don't want to tell me what you know and Ames isn't even into girls—because, because you know she likes you! Taylor was just her patient at the hospital, and a girl cape that can heal to boot, it's not strange for Ames to be happy about maybe getting a new friend who can do the same things she does!"
"That's not—"
"I want Ames to be happy. I really do. She's my sister and I love her. And it sucks for her at home, even more than for me, because she's adopted. But it's j-just, it's so h-hard to g-give up the only thing I can be h-happy about, to be p-proud of!" Victoria said between sniffing and wiping her eyes repeatedly as her tears were falling on her food.
"I'm not s-smart like her, I suck at b-being a hero, a-and everyone who's n-not in my family only l-likes me because of my aura, ex-except you, and, and I'm n-not the one you r-really want, and t-that hurts even more, kn-knowing that I'm just in the w-way and A-Ames deserves it more and I'm so, so tired of t-trying to make th-things work, we've b-been on so m-many double d-dates and she's never—never going to j-just like a-another guy, 'cause you're handsome and considerate and you l-live up to your cape n-name so well!"
It wasn't true, Dean desperately wanted to say, and explain how it wasn't, but he didn't know how. She was so close and so far from the truth, and the truth was just as bad or even worse in a way, because it wasn't a matter of one sister sacrificing for the other, there was simply no way for Amy to ever get what she wanted and no way for her to get any happy ending.
It wasn't even his secret to reveal, and sometimes he had even wondered if he had read Amy right, because he thought the same thing as Victoria early on, until it didn't seem to perfectly fit, and now he was doubting himself again.
It hurt to see Victoria like this—she didn't even touch the ice tea she liked so much today—it hurt even more than the other times they'd broken up because this was so visceral and frank and he couldn't shrug it off as Victoria just being in one of those moods—
Dean wanted to kick himself. How hadn't he seen it sooner? The other few times, it'd also been Victoria who got into a depressed and angry mood, and they matched the times when Amy's emotions were rock bottom. He had assumed that Victoria's bad mood made things worse for Amy, but what if it was the other way around, with Amy being in a bad place first and Victoria suspecting that it was connected to her, so she found an excuse to break up with him to make Amy happier?
He had to—needed to fix this.
Somehow. Or they would all be miserable for the rest of their lives.
"Vicky, you're the one I like. It's always been you, and nobody else. You connect with me in a way that nobody else could, and it's not just the way that I can't read your emotions. I know what it's like to want something to be proud of that was uniquely my own, something to make me stand out and mean something other than the rich heir to the Stansfield Group, which was all my family seemed to care about and what everyone knew me as. There's really nothing between me and your sister. The two of us wanted our powers, wanted it badly, but she doesn't, you know?"
Victoria stood up and clenched her fists.
"No—just stop! I can't—don't spin it like that to comfort me! She doesn't want her powers 'cause she can't be the kind of hero we can, she's got to clean up after my messes, and everyone else, and deal with thousands of people that only see her for her ability to heal them! I should know—she loves flying even more than I do—when I take her flying it's practically the only time she's really happy! If she had powers like mine she'd be all over it and do a better job than me, and you can't tell me she didn't want have something unique and special that made her feel like she mattered!"
"That's…that's…" Dean swallowed hard. If there was a way out of this, he couldn't see it. In some ways, Victoria was right. Amy wasn't all that different from them, he was starting to realize, but he had never been romantically interested in her the way he was in Victoria. His logic didn't hold, and he didn't understand it himself.
"Before I got powers, mom and dad didn't seem to care about anything I did, but they tried sometimes, at least. I-I don't know if mom even wanted Ames. Then she got powers and things got worse instead of better, like mom became afraid of her power, afraid of her, like she wasn't her daughter anymore just a dangerous power, even though she was doing so much good with them, and then she wouldn't try to fix dad, and—and I just—I can't—I need to be alone! Don't follow me!"
And she was gone, slamming out of the door before he could even try to stop her.
He sat there silently by himself, processing what Victoria had told him at the very end.
He knew Amy was in a bad place, but he was now starting to understand that was still missing half the picture. Were any of his thoughts and suspicions about her feelings right, given what he now knew?
Maybe Victoria was right. Maybe Amy did like him—and hated him for making her feel that way, hated herself for having those feelings because she was jealous of Victoria for getting the love from their parents and from him that she was missing so completely in her life. And maybe it was a bit of both, maybe she was jealous of him for taking her sister's attention away from her, because her sister was the only person that loved her, and she didn't have to be in love with Victoria to feel upset about slowly losing the only person who cared about her to someone else, and she was left out, all alone.
Had he been the one to jump to conclusions before he had the whole picture?
It was all so confusing.
The ice tea sat there silently with him, until he decided to finish it for Victoria.
He didn't understand why Victoria liked to drink ice tea even in the middle of winter.
It was bitter, and cold.
He shivered.
