AN: I'm writing this update pissed off.
Incredibly pissed off and just incredibly incensed.
Honestly, I just want people not to belittle people and work with one another.
Is that really too much to ask?
Also Moratorium.
I'm sorry, shit went way out of hand more times than once.
I'm pretty sure it won't happen again, hopefully, and we can all just focus on having fun making jokes about Memetic Badass Tarkin, Jar Jar throwing Palpatine's plans into disarray by being himself, even when he's not the Supreme Chancellor, and further proving he's Palpatines true rival and further cementing the mistaken view of Jar Jar Binks being the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Jar Jar, that the Palpatine Negaquest has, and that Tarkin and Jar Jar are Space Abraham Lincoln mixed with Space Theodore Roosevelt.
Anyway, here, have an omake as a gift.
D-16's life after Orion's unexpected sequences of promotions.
Much can be said about the new Vice Chancellor Orion Pax, from even the days before he was suddenly promoted from Senatorial Aid to Senator by his mentor during the mid-stage of his accidental campaign.
Whether it be his popular career as a public speaker for change on Constructron, successfully getting multiple local laws, or helping organize multiple unions for the various workers across his home city, gaining him even more popularity.
His speeches inspired many, droid or organic, it didn't matter.
Even convincing and helping out those who decreed him, and in one memorable incident even helping a would-be assassin to find a better life for himself.
Though, if you were to ask D-16 about his brother-in-code, he would say Orion's a maniac with far too much trust in the inherent goodness of people, far too stubborn to back down even when he should, and an irresponsible maddroid who used to rush headfirst into danger constantly without thinking about the consequences, all to help someone else out.
Keyword,
used to, nowadays, Orion Pax is now a
responsible maddroid who doesn't rush headfirst into danger constantly, but instead, makes a plan, calculates the odds, and
then rushes headfirst into danger to help somebody out, all the while planning ways to help more people out.
D-16 blames the parts of Orion's Orignal Droid Brain that weren't replaced with better parts( The lack of self-preservation protocol Orion's Model was known for made such a practice common, apparently) from either an Archive Droid, a Protcal Droid, or an Astromech during his time as a Docking Droid before Jar Jar suddenly decided Droids deserved to suffer taxes like the rest of sapient life in the galaxy.
(D
swears that if he wasn't a Droid and had an inner calculator installed in his head, he would have probably decided the Republic needs overthrowing to make a better government with a
sensible tax code.)
As for why, exactly, he's complaining about his brother-in-code right now?
Well, Orion decided that just because D was doing
such a good job saving his aft when he was giving speeches as a simple public speaker, he would make a
perfect head of security for the new Vice-Chancellor!
Now, you might be asking why the
Vice-Chancellor, who's protected by the
Senate Guard, needs a head of security?
The answer, as it turns out, is that the Vice-Chancellor's Head of Security is just an over-glorified personal bodyguard position that was apparently still existent, despite the reworking of the Senate Guard.
Now, for such a
prestigious and no doubt
important position, you would think its needed criteria would be rather large, wouldn't you?
Well, you'd be wrong! Because the criteria you needed to fulfill was
- Was picked by the Vice Chancellor
- Has worked as a Bodyguard before
- Is not treasonous to the Republic
And that's it, literally
just those three points.
And unsurprisingly, D-16 fit all of these pretty easily.
He was chosen by Orion for the job, he was basically Orion's bodyguard well before they even had
rights, getting hired to act as such during Orion's time as a Civil Rights speaker was just making it official, and he's
definitely not interested in joining any group
but the Republic.
Tax code aside, it's not like he
has much of a choice here, what's he gonna do, join the
CIS's Slave Droid Army?
'Yeah right, like I'll ever put myself under a restraining bolt willingly ever again.'
Understandably, the Senate Guard didn't really
trust his qualifications, something D-16 understands, because he
also doesn't trust his own (questionable) qualifications for the job.
His experience as a bodyguard could be summed up as an over-glorified
bouncer.
He knows next to
nothing about what to do with an assassin beyond taking them down and waiting for the proper authorities! What is he supposed to do if they run?! Or they're one of the evil Jedi guys that leads the CIS!?
Thankfully, the Senate Guard decided to help D-16 out.
Unfortunately, they don't really know how to train a Droid, so they just defaulted to downloading a bunch of code words into his memory and quizzing him on what to do in different scenarios or testing his aim and skills in fighting.
As is currently happening right now.
"What's Code 785?" His trainer, John Baldred, though he prefers to be referred to as Howler, a grizzled old soldier in the Blue Senate Guard armour with a probably insane smile almost carved on his face, and a crazier attitude to mix, asked D-16.
"Break-in attempt to try and kidnap one of the Senators on floor five," D-16 responded curtly, his faceplate lights lighting up and down in time with his voice box.
"A hovercar flies through the window heading for the Vice-Chancellor."
"Pull the Vice down and shoot the engine after it passes."
"What's Code 564?"
"Someone poisoned the food for the Dextro Senators."
"You get dropped into a scheme to steal the Chancellor's cake, what do you do?"
"...What?" D-16 says, momentarily thrown off-balance by the sudden change in tone of the scenario's
Howler smirks, and replies "You steal forty of'em!", and then he starts laughing with the voice of someone who smokes enough Death Sticks that their lungs should have shriveled up and been puked out by now.
Not that Howler smokes Death Sticks, he just sounded similar to an old Miner who
did, well, he did before- never mind, focus on what's happening right now, tangent later.
... Poor Fruffle, he never could look at anything lung-shaped without getting sick since.
Sighing, D responded, "This is another joke, isn't it?"
Grinning wildly, Howler responded "Yup! You rebalanced yourself pretty quickly, but you were still confused enough that I could have shot you in the head before you reacted."
To elaborate on the context of this little byplay, Howler had apparently taken it upon himself to train D-16 to adapt to any situation or reason, whether it be jokes, pranks, or inane changes in topics.
The reason Howler added this to D-16's training, at least according to Howler himself, anyway, was to ensure that even the most insane assassination attempts didn't phase D-16.
Personally, D-16 just thinks Howler wants to mess with him and is making up an official reason to give himself more leeway to do it.
"Someone breaks into the Vice-Chancellor's office with an unidentified object in the head, prepared to throw it to the ground, what to do you?" Howler asked again after a short hum of acknowledgment.
"I knock it out of their hands and pin them down." D-16 answered, and going by the snort Fowler, he got the answer wrong.
"Congratulations, you release a Super-Virus as the object, a glass container, breaks open, and it kills everyone organic in the building by making them shit themselves to death with super-diarrhea."
"How was
I supposed to know it was a Super-Virus? And who brings a Super-Virus to kill a
Droid?" D asked, annoyed, this wasn't the first time Howler threw a scenario with a switch like that, last time it was that the Terroist in a car had a trap that triggered the moment he died, blowing up the entire Senate Building.
"Idiots who think that he's a cyborg, that's who, and it happened in 569 BrS during the reign of Chancellor Felswa, who just so happened to be a cyborg whose only organic body part was his
very covered brain," Howler answered and laughed that same annoying rasping laugh of his.
D-16's certain that if his voicebox was capable of growling, he probably would, but it isn't, so instead he has to settle for his voice sounding slightly glitchy and deeper.
"Alright, fine, I messed up, what
should I have done instead?" D asked, snapping slightly at Howler as he started to stop laughing.
"Well, you were right on the money about knocking the object out of the assassin's hand, but you should have shot the assassin with a Stun Bolt
first, and
then grabbed the container before it hit the floor," Howler answered his constant smirking face,
somehow stared smirking more as he said that.
"That's.. Right, I forgot I had that," D-16 answered, looking at his arms as the Blasters came out slightly, before going back in.
D-16… can't help but feel kind of dumb he forgot about his Blasters somehow, despite getting it reattached to his frame after getting this job, as despite technically being a battle droid, he was refitted to be a Mining Droid, and that's all he remembers.
And it's not like he needed them when he was acting as Orion's bodyguard during his public speeches and rallies, if something came up, D would just either tackle Orion down or tackle and knock out the assailants.
He's still kind of unused to thinking of them, for all that they sit comfortably in his arms and for how easy it is to use them, he still forgets he has blasters.
... He kind of misses his drills, if he was being honest.
"Well, next time remember about them, or you will suddenly find yourself taken out by someone who
did remember theirs," Howler said, uncharacteristically serious and with one of his rare frowns.
So caught off guard by this, all D-16 could was nod his head in agreement.
Switching back to smiling so fast D-16 was sure that if he wasn't a droid, he would be worried if he imagined the frown, Howler responded as he stood up, "Good! And to really hammer it home, we'll be going to the new simulators and you'll face a newbie squad from the new Coruscant Guard!"
As D-16 stood up, he saw Howler grab his shoulder with a smile, but not like his normal smile, no, this smile held a
threat.
D-16 was certain that if he was an Organic, he would have felt a sense of disquiet in whatever passed for his gut, instead, all D-16 felt was a sense of impending doom as Howler opened his mouth and said "And unless you want to disappoint your dear, old teacher and start doing fighting drills until your gears start cracking, you
will beat their ass and prove the Senate Guard is
the better guard, got that right?"
D-16 couldn't help but point out one, simple detail, "I'm... not officially part of the Senate Guard-" only for Howler to interrupt him with a glare.
"I said,
got that right?" With an even sharper smile, and a tone that brokered no argument, D-16 started rapidly nodding as they walked towards the Sims.
Throughout all of this, D-16 couldn't help but ask himself one, simple question.
'Why me? What did I do to deserve dealing with all this Banthashit?'
As if the Force itself was laughing at him, they passed by a window, and D-16 saw a giant billboard proudly displaying the face of his brother-in-code, and the current source of all his problems, Orion Pax.
'Ah right, I didn't say no when Orion offered me that bodyguard job after we got rights.'
Honestly, his brother will be the death of him someday, D-16 just knows it.
Not happy with this, but it's the best I can do currently, and I really wanted to make an Omake today for some reason.
With permission from the GM, I have edited this to be better and more to my liking, I am no longer not happy with it.
Oh right, and if I have to
@Magoose