Sara Tan, USS
Saratoga
Pearl Harbor, Hawaii
Evening
Hearing this, my mind started going a million miles an hour, I wasn't the only person reincarnated... The thought filled me with both excitement and dread. On one hand, it meant that I wasn't alone in this crazy new life of mine. Most importantly, however, was the question, if there were two of us, were there more. This in mind I whispered back to Sara over the radio, "What about the others, were they humans like us...Remember the old saying, 'Once Is Chance, Twice is Coincidence, Third Time Is A Pattern.' Are we all reincarnated humans, and if so why..." Shaking my head I sighed deeply, letting the issue drop and silently following the group back to port.
Isn't the first time happenstance while the third is enemy action? Still, I have no answer to what she asked, and she doesn't sound nor look like she's in the mood to continue, so I'm just left with my thoughts along the way.
There's now that possibility that there could be others like me, those who, one day, woke up as kanmusu... but who knows? It's not like I could just ask that out of the blue, and if it turns out to be the case with someone, what does it mean, then? Other than finding a kindred spirit in the same boat, which may be a bit comforting, I do not know.
And about that... who am I, really? To others, I am a
Lexington-class aircraft carrier, USS
Saratoga, CV-3, though they could also call me Sara. To Lex, I am her younger sister. To me? Well...
I feel like... a bit of two people in one? I'm not sure how to describe it. I am, well, still me, just a regular guy before all this, a student, taking up mechanical engineering back home in the Philippines, who has that interest in cars, and also planes, especially fighter jets, things like that, it's just that I now find myself in a different place, in a form of different appearance, gender, and capabilities...
...Yet there's a part of me that's, well, not-quite-me, but what I recognize is that of Sara. The way Lex feels like an older sister to me, much like how I would feel towards my older brother. Ingrained instincts, being able to do all these carrier stuff. That thought to purge my avgas lines. Vivid imagery, being nuked by an airburst, being struck by a kamikaze... they felt like memories, like I was there before. That feeling of being cast aside before, no longer useful, despite giving it my all. That feeling that I could have been here to help during the Japanese attack, if not for being elsewhere, and that I could make up for it, starting today. I still feel that way right now.
But while they are not-quite-mine, I don't reject them. It's understandable why Sara would be that way. If I were Sara, under similar circumstances, how would I think? How would I feel? I figure I'd be along similar lines as her right now. Most importantly, they don't conflict with my own values. I can agree with Sara's sentiments. Things might be different if I were
Shoukaku, for instance.
So, to me, who am I, then? I don't have a definitive answer right now. Perhaps it's something I'll discover as I go. Socrates placed importance on knowing oneself, and well, I guess I'll be working on that over time.
One thing is certain though. I miss home. I miss my loved ones, like family... while there is a sense of familiarity to all this, this is also new and strange to me... and if the voice is right, I'll be here for the rest of my days...
You know, ever since the start of that recent forum game, where I roleplayed as
Pacific, myself turned into the spirit of a third
Lexington-class carrier, and where I had Saratoga as a companion, I did Internet reading on naval warfare, especially carrier stuff, to better portray what I was writing. I also read Sara's life story, and a few stories about her as a kanmusu, to better understand the way she thinks and feels. I never thought I'd be applying those for real. I never thought I'd be Sara herself.
"It means Her Majesty's Australian Ship," I reply proudly before tugging on my ponytail. "I was kinda sold off upon completion because the US didn't think I was needed..."
Turning around I look at the girl behind me, a wave of nostalgia overtakes me. "Big sis Newport, of course, you know me. I mean the last time we saw each other was during the Vietnam war, but still. It's me your adorable little sis Dallas... I mean ya I was immediately sold off to the highest bidder after completion because I wasn't needed by the US but still." I say moving to hug Newport only to see her clutch her head harder, "Do... do you really not remember me?" I ask, voice quiet and shoulders slumping.
A
Des Moines sold to Australia... I have never heard of that. I thought all
Des Moines were exclusively in the US Navy. Maybe I'll look it up in the Internet sometime. Somehow.
But then, she was sold because she was no longer needed...
A large patch of water, partially bordered by a strip of land. A wide, open sky. Many ships surrounding me, more than fifty of them, of varying distances, some of which I recognize. The Japanese battleship, Nagato, she seemed to have that regretful look about her. The German cruiser, Prinz Eugen, I couldn't read her expression. The American battleship, Nevada, painted bright red, far away from me. Other vessels, all around me. Arkansas, Skipjack, Pilotfish, and many more. Why am I here? Why am I consigned to this? I could still do more, I could still help. Why am I no longer needed? Why am I being discarded like this? A large plane, a bomber, approaching us. A single object, falling from the sky. A flash of white-
I shake my head. That was...
