- Location
- marble Minnesota USA
- Location
- Pale Blue Dot
Dinosaur. Chickens are a kind of bird, and birds used to be a kind of dinoes. Way back when.
- Location
- Australia
Except that humans didn't say that.
Dinos died out long before humans evolved to the point where they could say something tasted like something else.
- Location
- Pale Blue Dot
Aaaactually we do. Because I was wrong. Birds were not only a kind of dinosaur way back when. They are a kind of dinosaur right now.
It’s official: birds are literally dinosaurs. Here’s how we know
Drop any preconceptions of dinosaurs, which are likely reptile-centric and warped by Spielberg; the real dinosaurs are outside your window. Yes, birds are dinosaurs. Shaun Hurrell interviews dinosaur evolution expert Professor Roger Benson to unearth the latest research on the origin of birds.
www.birdlife.org
- Location
- Australia
Okay, so which dino-bird-whatever did we ascribe chicken taste to before we had access to chicken?Aaaactually we do. Because I was wrong. Birds were not only a kind of dinosaur way back when. They are a kind of dinosaur right now.
It’s official: birds are literally dinosaurs. Here’s how we know
Drop any preconceptions of dinosaurs, which are likely reptile-centric and warped by Spielberg; the real dinosaurs are outside your window. Yes, birds are dinosaurs. Shaun Hurrell interviews dinosaur evolution expert Professor Roger Benson to unearth the latest research on the origin of birds.
- Location
- Pale Blue Dot
Most probably? Gallus Gallus.
Short research says the chicken - or at least something pretty close, the Gallus Gallus - appeared around 50 million years ago. 8-10 thousand years ago they became domesticated, and the change to "chicken" started.
One thing we can certainly say for certain from this: The egg came before the chicken. Dinos had eggs something like 200-250 million years ago, and that is quite a lot of time before they also had the chicken.
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- Pronouns
- She/Her
I want to give this post two informatives. Also, I was amused by the mental image arising from this quote:
Image of the Archbishop of Canterbury, processing up the aisle of Westminster Cathedral in his ceremonial chicken suit.
- Location
- Australia
Instead of "Amen", we have "B'kawk!"
JadeKaiser
Uninspired Custom Title
- Location
- Under Your Bed
I'm a Christian, and I think this mental image is hilarious and amazing.
Got to love Snek!
For the love of God someone draw this, please.
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pingas plight
-Most cunning scientific fuck-up in all of Mobius
Petition to send Snek hugs, scritches, and a patch of following sunlight from a higher plane.
Part Twelve: Post Leviathan
- Location
- Australia
Snek is a Good Boy
Part Twelve: Post Leviathan
[A/N 1: This chapter commissioned by @Fizzfaldt and beta-read by Lady Columbine of Mystal.]
[A/N 2: I've used some of the comments posted to the last chapter on Spacebattles in the comments section of PHO, with adapted names.]
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♦ Topic: Leviathan Dead
In: Boards ► Endbringers ► Leviathan ► Savannah (5/15/11)
Legend (Original Poster) (Veteran Member) (Verified Cape) (Head of Protectorate)
Posted On May 15th 2011:
Okay, so this is apparently what happened.
Mouse Protector attended Savannah, riding astride a sixty-foot python or constrictor (I'm not an expert), fitting the description of the creature called 'Snek' that's been making news over the last month or so. As soon as MP was issued her tracking unit, she and Snek traveled eastward, toward where Leviathan was due to make landfall. Leviathan's first tsunami disrupted the defenses. Two heroes and one villain were in danger of drowning, but were rescued by MP. At this time, a violent disturbance was noted in the water, but no clear images could be acquired.
Shortly thereafter, the rain stopped and the clouds cleared. MP and Snek emerged from the water. The latter was carrying one of Leviathan's legs in its mouth. It reportedly described this as 'snack for later'. Mouse Protector confirmed that Snek had eaten the rest of Leviathan. This was further verified when we found no other evidence of Leviathan's presence in the area, nor any indication that he had fled.
It actually does appear that Leviathan, as bizarre as it sounds, has been eaten by a giant talking snake.
Due almost entirely to this, for the first time ever, we've had an Endbringer attack with zero fatalities.
Congratulations, everyone. And a special thank-you to Snek, for doing what nobody thought could be done.
You are indeed a good boy.
►SuperDude
Replied On May 15th 2011:
All the Snek Snacks and head pats for the Good Boy! All of them!
►casual_reader
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Truly, Snek is best boi.
► Distant_Target
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Well scratch one Endbringer. Snek is a very good boy for having rid the world of the nasty fishy monster. Truly, he "tasted" victory this day!
►BangTwenty
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Snek continues to be the best nope rope.
►GstringGirl
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Is it really true? I can hardly believe it.
►Mouse_Protector (Verified Cape) (Independent Hero) (Veteran Member) (Purveyor of Cheesy Puns)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Hon, it is most definitively true. I swear upon my oath as protector of all things mousey and cheesy.
►Legend (Original Poster) (Veteran Member) (Verified Cape) (Head of Protectorate)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
@Mouse_Protector, I would be extremely interested in sitting down with you and learning everything you have to tell me about the battle and about Snek.
►True_Believer152 (Temp Banned)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Blasphemer! None can destroy Our Lord of the Waters! His Wrath shall rise up and destroy you! The false idol will also be obliterated!
►Mouse_Protector (Verified Cape) (Independent Hero) (Veteran Member) (Purveyor of Cheesy Puns)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
@Legend - sure, next time I'm in the Big Apple, I'll swing by. Just be sure to leave out a platter of my fave cheeses. A mousey's gotta eat.
@True_Believer152 - Oh. You're one of *those*. Well, sorry to say, Fallen-boy (or girl), but your Lord of the Waters ended up as a Snekky snack. He's now a fish-flavored belch.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3 ... 8, 9, 10
►GreatAndTerribleAisha
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Man, now I wish I'd been there.
►True_Believer152 (Temp Banned)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Lies, all lies! The Lord of the Waters will return to bless you with his unstoppable floods, and to all who stand against him, woe!
►Brilliger (Moderator: Protectorate Main)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Okay, that's enough out of you, @True_Believer152. You're allowed to hold whatever opinions you feel are valid, but cultist rantings are a no-no. Have a temp ban while you think that one over.
►Laotsunn (Kyushu Survivor)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
@Mouse_Protector - please pass on to Snek all of my heartfelt gratitude and best wishes. He will be in our prayers.
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
I remember when we were the only ones to have weird Snek stories. Hell, I remember when everyone thought he was an urban legend.
Snek, you rock!
►GoodGirlRiley
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Hi, I won't be getting on much, but I wanted you all to know that I've passed on your thanks and best wishes to Snek. He's happy to know that everyone thinks he's been a good boy.
@Mouse_Protector - he says hi, and he'll be around to visit you sometime soon. Also, he says Leviathan tasted like chicken, not fish.
@True_Believer152 - Leviathan deserved everything he got.
@Legend - according to the boss, he's a Hyrakian python. Don't bother looking that up. It won't be in your books.
►Legend (Original Poster) (Veteran Member) (Verified Cape) (Head of Protectorate)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
@GoodGirlRiley - thank you for that. Is it possible to contact Snek through you? I'd really like to talk to him and see if it's possible to set up a regular working arrangement with the Protectorate and PRT.
►GoodGirlRiley
Replied On May 15th 2011:
@Legend - sorry, I'm not Snek's boss, just his friend and work colleague. The boss generally has requirements on his time so he probably wouldn't be able to commit elsewhere. But he'll be around again sometime. He really enjoys visiting you guys and helping people.
►FuglyBobsUSA (Verified Fast Food Restaurant)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
This is to announce that the entity known as 'Snek' can now eat for free at any Fugly Bobs restaurant, in perpetuity.
►Mouse_Protector (Verified Cape) (Independent Hero) (Veteran Member) (Purveyor of Cheesy Puns)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
@GoodGirlRiley - Well, if it isn't my little armor assistant. Nice to hear from you. Your boss must have one heck of a communications setup.
Chicken, huh? Well, looks like my comment about keeping a drumstick for later was on the money.
It'll be nice to see my Snekky-boops again. Him and me go together like cheese and crackers.
@FuglyBobsUSA - Wow, you're brave. You do know he ate most of an Endbringer in one sitting, right?
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4 ... 8, 9, 10
Taylor
I'd never been to Savannah, but it wasn't hard to tell the aftermath of a Leviathan-spawned wave. Rubble was everywhere and they were still cleaning up the streets, while shots of the island just offshore showed that many buildings had just been flattened. And that had only been the one wave.
Snek had presumably vanished through his own personal wormhole before the news crews had arrived on site (being able to teleport had to be so handy) but Mouse Protector (or Diane, as she'd told us to call her) was still on site as the cameras were panning around. I couldn't help thinking that her armour looked a bit cooler and sleeker than what she'd been wearing before, even without taking into account that she'd just been through an Endbringer battle in it. Did she get an upgrade from Snek's Master?
Dad nodded at the TV. "You see that? That sort of thing is what made me nervous about you going out as a hero. Taking down punks and thugs is one thing, and having Snek around to protect you against the nastier villains was a huge bonus. But some things are too damn powerful for anyone's good, and they don't give a damn about who gets hurt."
"Yeah, I got that with Lung," I said. "Tattletale tried to tell me about how it's like a big game of cops and robbers, and the rules that they all follow." I rolled my eyes. "Everyone but Lung, apparently. It's a good thing Snek was there."
"Yes, it was." He drew a deep breath, then drummed his fingers on his thigh. "Can … can we talk?"
The tone of uncertainty in his voice made me start to worry. "About what?"
He frowned, deeply. "About … well, about your powers. What you're going to do with them. We haven't spoken about it since you showed me where Lung died."
"Dad, I—"
"Now hear me out," he said hastily. "These are your powers. This is your super identity. I really, truly do not want to make you feel like I'm cramping your style here. I know you want to do this … but I'm unhappy when I think about you not having someone like Snek backing you up while you're out and about."
My breath caught in my throat. "Dad … are you trying to tell me that you don't want me going out as a hero? Because that's what it sounds like."
"No. No, no, God, no." He shook his head. "You've got powers, and you want to do good with them. I would be the worst father in the world if I held you back from that. I just want to see if we can work toward a compromise, where you still use your powers to help people and I can feel at least moderately confident of your safety while you're doing it."
I allowed myself to start calming down again. "Okay … that sounds fair, I guess. What were you thinking of suggesting?" Because if I knew my dad, he wouldn't be putting something like this forward if he didn't already have ideas in mind.
He looked relieved, probably because I wasn't shooting him down immediately. "Well, I'm guessing you're still set against the Wards."
"Yeah, that's not happening." I waved the idea away physically. Emma and Sophia were doing their best to hound me every day at school, and it took bug-enabled prescience for me to duck and dodge around their ambushes. If the Wards had one tenth of that kind of drama, I didn't want to be there. And it wasn't like I could sign up for a trial period; I'd looked at the Wards contract online, and balked at the sheer number of clauses they could call on.
"New Wave would require you unmask." He knew how I felt about that.
"Also, I'd probably ruin their aesthetic," I agreed. Grey and black and swarms of bugs probably wouldn't mesh with their image of light and warmth.
"I could go out and about with you, and drive you to trouble spots?" He didn't sound particularly enthusiastic about the option, but I knew if I took him up on it, he would follow through.
Still, I shook my head. "That could go pretty badly wrong. If the wrong people see our license plates at the wrong time, I'm outed."
"True." He paused, thinking. "I'm guessing you're not willing to wait until Snek is in town again and go out heroing with him."
"So, what I was already doing? No, thanks."
"Then what about the other option I thought of? Use your power for pest extermination?"
I blinked. "I … well, I basically assumed that I couldn't because of the rules about being paid for power use."
He held up a cautionary finger. "Never assume until you've double-checked. I looked it up: so long as we take care to jump through a few basic hoops, we should have no trouble establishing you as a hero who exterminates bugs on the side."
"What sort of hoops are we talking about?" I asked. "Because unmasking—"
"—is definitely not on the table," he assured me. "Basically, you're not allowed to price anyone else out of the market, or force them out in any other way. This is so that if you suddenly lose your powers or decide that exterminating bugs isn't fun anymore, or stop doing it for any other reason, there'll be others who can take up the slack. NEPEA-5 has a bunch of rules that don't apply to you, such as using Thinkers to predict market trends and suchlike … though I guess if you used your powers to move bugs into someone's place, you'd know who was going to call you next."
I shook my head definitively. "Yeah, that's a hard nope for me. Pretty sure that would count as going villain, and that's not my deal."
"I'd prefer we didn't go that way, either," he agreed. "But I can start looking into the paperwork for registering you as a bug-extermination rogue cape, if you want. What sort of trade name do you think you'd like to go with? Because as cute as it sounds when he says it, 'buzzy-bug girl' probably won't get you the respect that you deserve."
"How about Lady Swarm Extermination Service?" I spread my hands. "It's not like I'm going to be pretending to be another cape altogether. And rescuing people from muggers is kind of separate from removing all the bugs from their house. There won't be any confusion about what I'll be getting paid for."
He nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. That should work. I'll start setting that up tomorrow. Also, I've been speaking with Mr Howe. DC&H should have everything lined up to hit them with the lawsuit as of the twenty-eighth."
I blinked. That date was significant. "First day of summer vacation?"
"Exactly." He grinned viciously. "That way, they can't use ongoing school duties as an excuse to duck and dodge out of showing up to court."
"And that's only about two weeks away." I nodded. "Sure, I can hold out that long."
"Good." He patted me on the shoulder. "I know it's been hard on you, and I know I wasn't there to help you out for far too long, but I'm here now and we'll get through this together."
Impulsively, I hugged him. "Thanks, Dad. That means so much to me."
His arms crept around me, and I felt the warmth and belonging of an answering hug. It felt safe and secure.
We stood like that for a long time.
That Evening
Snek is happy that he ate monster Leviathan and gave Master hard ball from inside. Master has put ball in collection, where Snek can see them all. They would be crunchy and tasty—Snek has eaten others like them—but they are Master's, so Snek does not eat. Snek is happy that Master likes Snek's present. Master's collection is very impressive. There is more than ten balls in it.
Master is doing Master things, and Riley is riding dragons, so Snek decides to go visit friends in fun world. He asks Master permission first—being polite is good—then goes through wriggle-hole to city where purple girl and buzzy-bug girl and purple hair girl all live.
Buzzy-bug girl likes being hero, so Snek goes to her house. He knocks on door with snoot, counting one-two-three, like he does with Master's door. Is good to be polite.
Door is opened by Danny. Danny is buzzy-bug girl Taylor's father. "Hello, Danny," says Snek.
Danny looks surprised to see Snek. "Uh, hello, Snek," he says. He is very smart. He remembers Snek's name! "Are you here to see Taylor?"
"Yess, Danny," says Snek. He is very impressed. He did not even have to tell Danny what he wanted. "Iss buzzy-bug girl Taylor here?"
"Sure, just one moment." Danny steps back into house a little. Snek waits. He is good at waiting. "Taylor, can you come downstairs, please? You have a visitor."
"Coming!" calls out buzzy-bug girl as she runs downstairs. She comes to where Snek is and her eyes go wide. "Snek! It's good to see you again!"
"Iss good to ssee buzzy-bug girl again," Snek says. Is true. Buzzy-bug girl is Snek's friend. "Would buzzy-bug girl like to come out helping people with Ssnek?"
Buzzy-bug girl stops and looks at Danny. "Can I, Dad?" she asks. "Please?"
Danny looks at Snek and then at buzzy-bug girl. "It is a school night," he says.
"I've already got my homework prepped," says buzzy-bug girl. "Sealed in waterproof envelopes with my name written across the seal. And they can't just steal the whole thing and erase my name. I wrote it, front and back, every page, in pen."
Snek does not know what is happening, but he knows stealing is bad. "Bad people ssteal buzzy-bug girl'ss thingss?" he asks. "Ssnek will get back."
Buzzy-bug girl gives Snek a hug and a snoot-boop. Snek likes snoot-boops. "Thanks, Snek, but it's alright. I'd just like to go out and be a hero."
Buzzy-bug girl says is alright, so is alright. Snek smiles at buzzy-bug girl and Danny. "Ssnek likess helping people."
Buzzy-bug girl looks at Danny. Danny nods. "Okay, but try to be home by midnight."
"You're the best!" Buzzy-bug girl hugs Danny. "I'll be as quick as I can, Snek." She opens door and runs down into basement. Snek will wait. He is good at waiting.
Danny looks at Snek. "So, uh, what was it like fighting an Endbringer?"
Snek smiles. Danny is nice person. "Monsster Leviathan try to hurt people in Ssa-van-nah, make big wave. Ssnek bite tail. Tail tassty, Ssnek eat. Monsster Leviathan try to sswim away, but Masster hass put sstrong magic on Ssnek …"
Shadow Stalker
Sophia sighed, rolling her eyes. It was the same old damn story, no matter how many times she saw it played out. A bunch of stupid ignorant goddamn sheep, with the collective survival instinct of a bunch of stoned lemmings, had gone out looking for fun and excitement on the wrong side of town and found far more of it than they could handle. Fuckin' shocker, right there.
And not only had they gotten lost on the way back to their car, and taken a shortcut through a fuckin' alley in the hope of getting back on the right track, but they'd also walked right into a bunch of Merchants that were probably jonesing for their next fix, and not too particular how they paid for it. She'd been trailing the partygoers for the last ten minutes, morbidly curious as to exactly how much trouble they were going to get themselves into. Well, she had her answer. Way too much.
Now she was crouched on a rooftop, looking down at the confrontation, wondering if any of the simple-minded little twits were going to show the slightest bit of spine before it was too late. The law of the jungle was simple: if you walked into the jungle without being prepared to fight, you ended up as lunch. Sometimes she liked to think of it as predators versus prey, but most of the time it was survivors and losers.
The thought of losers made her fists clench inside her gloves. There was one specific loser who was absolutely getting on her nerves these days, and the situation was becoming more and more aggravating as time went on. She didn't want to accept the concept of Hebert managing to acquire something resembling competence, but for some reason it was getting harder and harder to pin her down at Winslow these days. No matter how much of a pattern she built up, whenever they tried to exploit it, that was the day she did something totally different.
There were only two weeks left before the end of the school year, and there was no way in hell she was going to concede to Hebert and whatever bullshit she was pulling to keep ahead of them. Emma was getting just as antsy, but for a different reason. The line Sophia had fed her about pushing Hebert down so she could show how strong she was … well, it had kinda backfired. Given Hebert's run of luck with how successfully she was avoiding them, Emma was starting to wonder about her own strength. If she couldn't even keep Hebert down, was she really strong?
One of the girls down below cried out as a Merchant grabbed her by the arm. Nobody intervened, and she didn't even try to slap him. Sophia rolled her eyes again. Weak, that was what they were. Weak and spineless. Maybe if they went through a bit of a rough experience, they'd fight back next time.
They'd survive. They wouldn't enjoy it, but they'd survive. And afterward, Sophia would punish the perpetrators.
The Merchants all yelled at once, but not the kind of shouts she was expecting from guys expecting to make some money and maybe get some rough trade, all at the same time. These sounded like they were in pain, but their prospective victims still hadn't fought back. Stumbling back away from the girls, the gang members looked like they were fighting—and losing to—invisible opponents. Their yelps of pain as they waved their arms around were very real, which made Sophia reasonably sure they weren't suffering withdrawal hallucinations.
"Follow the fireflies," buzzed a creepy-as-fuck voice, just as a line of fireflies sprang into being in front of the girls. "Go, now."
The girls wasted no time in doing what they were told, hurrying out of the alley in what looked like the right direction to get back to the main road. Their would-be assaillants had lost all interest in pursuing them, and indeed seemed unable to stay upright. One after the other, the men tripped and fell. Despite struggling to get up again, they remained on the ground.
And then … a teenage girl stepped out of the shadows.
Her costume was actually pretty badass, Sophia had to admit. Not as good as the Shadow Stalker costume, of course, but still up there in the edgy stakes. Grey and black that blended in with the shadows remarkably well, with yellow lenses and insectoid mandibles on the mask. Finally, she had some sort of chunky spider pendant around her neck, that really helped sell the look.
Sophia frowned. She seemed to recall a briefing about some new hero called Lady Swarm, but no details were surfacing. Except for bug control. That was pretty damn obvious. The way the newcomer had taken the assholes down would've been badass, except that like every Master ever, she was a coward, hiding behind her bug minions.
And then she stopped and looked directly up at Sophia. The yellow lenses, seeming to float in a sea of shadows, looked even creepier than the voice sounded. "Why don't you come on down?"
Taylor
The cloaked girl turned to shadow and drifted down into the alley, then reformed on the ground in a dramatic crouch. I got the strong impression that she thought a lot of the theatrics made her look cooler than they really did. Slowly, she rose and turned toward me, then her hand came out of her cloak with a small crossbow.
I tensed, but it wasn't pointing at me. Instead, it angled toward the nearest of the would-be rapists (or at least robbery-with-menace-ists) and went off with a soft twungg sound. A short arrow with a liquid reservoir in the middle of it was now stuck in his leg; he protested weakly, then slumped.
Okay, so it shoots knockout arrows. The only question now is why.
"What the hell?" I demanded, barely remembering to have the bugs buzz along with my words. "They're down. They're secured. You didn't need to shoot him—hey!" My yell came as the crossbow somehow reloaded itself and she shot a second guy. "I said they're secured!"
"Yeah, right," she sneered. "All the way up until one of them cuts himself loose from whatever you did—spiderwebs, right?—with a hidden knife, then shanks you when your back's turned. Doing you a favour, right here."
"I checked them over," I snapped back. "No knives where they can get to them."
"Bullshit." She shook her head. "You never went near them."
"When I've got fifty bugs searching every one of them, I don't need to." I flew a swarm of moths in front of the crossbow before she could shoot a third one. "I said quit it!"
"You're a fuckin' newbie," she jeered. "You don't know how this goes, do you? Your witnesses are three blocks away by now. What are you gonna tell the cops when they show?"
"Well, for one thing, they're all carrying drugs." I wanted to roll my eyes, but she'd never see it. "Why were you sitting up there watching, anyway? That one girl could've been badly hurt, but you never made a move."
"None of your fuckin' business," she said, her voice an almost literal growl.
"It is actually kind of my fuckin' business." I made the buzzing overlay even more intense. "It's our job to protect people, not be glory hounds. Were you scared? Was that it? Waiting until they were distracted with her, so you could shoot them in the back and be the big damn hero without any risk?"
She took a step to me. "What did you say?"
"You heard me. Were you scared?"
"I was not scared!"
"Could've fooled me," I said dismissively.
"I don't get scared!" she screamed at my face.
"So why did you wait?" I shouted back.
"For them to fight back!" She paused for a moment, as though realizing what she'd just said out loud.
"You're shitting me." I shook my head. "You expected them to fight back? How fucking delusional are you, anyway?" Another thought hit me, with the power and speed of a freight train. "And just how many people have you let get hurt, because you were waiting until they fought back?"
"That's none of your fucking business." The crossbow was pointed directly at me, now. "This is the way I see it. You're gonna fuck off now. Thanks for letting me know they're carrying drugs. This is my bust now. When you get home, you're gonna forget this whole thing, because I'm a fucking Ward, which makes me fuckin' untouchable. Try and allege one thing without proof, and our lawyers will bury you."
"Yeah, yeah." I smiled under the mask. "There's just two problems with this idea."
I was absolutely certain she'd just rolled her eyes. "And what are they, Einstein?"
"Well, for starters, you're threatening me with a crossbow, and I have a friend who really doesn't like that. Snek, if you will?"
My only regret right then was not being able to see the look on her face as Snek's tongue came down from above and yoinked the crossbow clear out of her hand. It retracted into his mouth, and I knew the weapon was now stored in his 'not-eat place'.
"Hello, sshadow girl," said Snek, coiling down into the alleyway. "Ssnek iss Ssnek."
"Jesus fuck!" she yelped. "Where the fuck did you come from?"
"Ssnek comess from Masster'ss casstle," Snek replied promptly. "Iss helping buzzy-bug girl be hero. Why did sshadow girl point twang-arrow weapon at buzzy-bug girl?"
Shadow Stalker's whole attitude had changed in just a few seconds. I was pretty sure it was because she knew exactly who Snek was. Of course, there were very few people in the world right then who didn't know who he was. The image of him wriggling out of the surf with Leviathan's leg held triumphantly in his mouth had shown up everywhere.
"Look, this is just a misunderstanding, okay? Heroes do this all the time. Mistake each other for villains, trade a few punches. We're all good, right? Right?" The cockiness had gone right out of her attitude, replaced by an edge of desperation.
"Ssnek thinkss," he said deliberately, "that sshadow girl iss bad persson. Blue ssuit lady would want Ssnek to put bad persson in prisson ccell."
"Blue suit—ohhh, no," Shadow Stalker said, clearly realizing something I hadn't. "You are not going there. This doesn't end that way." She began to back away.
Snek suddenly lunged at her. His tongue shot out and grabbed at her; before it could get a proper grip, she went to shadow. I'd half-expected him to clamp his jaws around her anyway, but she flitted away up the wall and out of sight. He poured himself into a portal and vanished. A few seconds later, he returned, empty-mouthed.
"Ssnek ssorry," he said. "Sshadow girl got away."
He looked so downcast that I gave him a hug and a pat on the head. "Don't worry about it, Snek. You did good. You did really good. And you helped me out a bit."
"Ssnek did?" He seemed to regain some of his spirits. "How did Ssnek do that?"
I chuckled wryly. "Now I'm absolutely certain that I don't want to be in the Wards, if that's how they let them act."
"Ssnek undersstandss." He turned to face me. "Ssnek alsso got sshadow girl'ss facce, if buzzy-bug girl wantss."
"Her face?" Then his tongue came out, clutching a full-face mask portraying a scowling woman's face. "Oh, her mask. It does look like a face, doesn't it? Thanks, Snek. This will help when I make the complaint against her to the PRT." Personally, I didn't think it would come to much—even with all the evidence I had, her crack about the lawyers had struck close to home—but I was willing to give it my best shot.
He had cheered up all the way again now. "Ssnek likess to help."
I gave him a scratch along the jawline, which he leaned into. "Well, I really appreciate your help. You're a good boy. Now, if you can help me watch these guys until the police arrive, that would be great."
"Ssnek can do that."
Danny
Taylor opened the back door at eleven thirty on the dot. Danny gave up any pretense of watching the news and got up to greet her. "How'd it go?"
"It went … interesting." She stepped aside to allow Snek's nose to enter the doorway, and gave it a boop with her fist. "Thanks again for helping out, Snek."
"Ssnek likess to help," the giant snake said. "Hello, Danny."
"Hi, Snek. Thanks for keeping her safe." He gave the broad nose a scratch, which Snek seemed to enjoy. "I'd ask you to stay, but it is kind of late."
"Ssnek undersstandss. Masster will be waiting. Ssnek will ssee you again. Good night."
"Night, Snek." Danny still wasn't sure how this had become almost normal to him.
Taylor gave Snek a quick hug. "Night, Snek. You're a good boy."
"Thank you, buzzy-bug girl." Snek backed up from the doorway, then vanished into a portal.
Slowly, Danny closed the door. "How is it that having a giant snake visiting on the regular can be both weird and natural at the same time?"
Taylor pulled her mask off, then grinned as she shook her hair out. "Oh, that's better. I've got no idea. But I'm glad he was around. Tonight could've gotten a bit problematic, otherwise."
He felt his eyebrows climbing toward his hairline. "Oh?"
"I'll tell you about it later, once I've processed it all." She lifted the spider pendant off her neck. It was a little on the chunky side, deliberately so. This helped conceal the electronics within. "Right now, I'm going to see what I caught on the body cam."
"You do that. I'll clean up and turn out the lights." Yawning, he headed through into the living room and flicked off the TV, while Taylor went upstairs. The custom camera had set him back more than a little, but if anything ever came down to he-said-she-said, he wanted Taylor to have footage.
He was halfway up the stairs himself when he heard her call out from her room. "Uh, Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"You know the lawsuit?"
"Yeah?"
"Can Mr Howe include the PRT in it? In particular, whoever's got overwatch on the Wards?"
His eyes opened wide. "That's a very specific question. Why do you ask it?"
"I tangled with Shadow Stalker tonight. Snek snagged her mask before she went to shadow, and you'll never guess whose face I'm looking at right now."
End of Part Twelve
Part Twelve: Post Leviathan
[A/N 1: This chapter commissioned by @Fizzfaldt and beta-read by Lady Columbine of Mystal.]
[A/N 2: I've used some of the comments posted to the last chapter on Spacebattles in the comments section of PHO, with adapted names.]
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♦ Topic: Leviathan Dead
In: Boards ► Endbringers ► Leviathan ► Savannah (5/15/11)
Legend (Original Poster) (Veteran Member) (Verified Cape) (Head of Protectorate)
Posted On May 15th 2011:
Okay, so this is apparently what happened.
Mouse Protector attended Savannah, riding astride a sixty-foot python or constrictor (I'm not an expert), fitting the description of the creature called 'Snek' that's been making news over the last month or so. As soon as MP was issued her tracking unit, she and Snek traveled eastward, toward where Leviathan was due to make landfall. Leviathan's first tsunami disrupted the defenses. Two heroes and one villain were in danger of drowning, but were rescued by MP. At this time, a violent disturbance was noted in the water, but no clear images could be acquired.
Shortly thereafter, the rain stopped and the clouds cleared. MP and Snek emerged from the water. The latter was carrying one of Leviathan's legs in its mouth. It reportedly described this as 'snack for later'. Mouse Protector confirmed that Snek had eaten the rest of Leviathan. This was further verified when we found no other evidence of Leviathan's presence in the area, nor any indication that he had fled.
It actually does appear that Leviathan, as bizarre as it sounds, has been eaten by a giant talking snake.
Due almost entirely to this, for the first time ever, we've had an Endbringer attack with zero fatalities.
Congratulations, everyone. And a special thank-you to Snek, for doing what nobody thought could be done.
You are indeed a good boy.
(Showing page 1 of 10)►SuperDude
Replied On May 15th 2011:
All the Snek Snacks and head pats for the Good Boy! All of them!
►casual_reader
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Truly, Snek is best boi.
► Distant_Target
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Well scratch one Endbringer. Snek is a very good boy for having rid the world of the nasty fishy monster. Truly, he "tasted" victory this day!
►BangTwenty
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Snek continues to be the best nope rope.
►GstringGirl
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Is it really true? I can hardly believe it.
►Mouse_Protector (Verified Cape) (Independent Hero) (Veteran Member) (Purveyor of Cheesy Puns)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Hon, it is most definitively true. I swear upon my oath as protector of all things mousey and cheesy.
►Legend (Original Poster) (Veteran Member) (Verified Cape) (Head of Protectorate)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
@Mouse_Protector, I would be extremely interested in sitting down with you and learning everything you have to tell me about the battle and about Snek.
►True_Believer152 (Temp Banned)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Blasphemer! None can destroy Our Lord of the Waters! His Wrath shall rise up and destroy you! The false idol will also be obliterated!
►Mouse_Protector (Verified Cape) (Independent Hero) (Veteran Member) (Purveyor of Cheesy Puns)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
@Legend - sure, next time I'm in the Big Apple, I'll swing by. Just be sure to leave out a platter of my fave cheeses. A mousey's gotta eat.
@True_Believer152 - Oh. You're one of *those*. Well, sorry to say, Fallen-boy (or girl), but your Lord of the Waters ended up as a Snekky snack. He's now a fish-flavored belch.
(Showing page 2 of 10)►GreatAndTerribleAisha
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Man, now I wish I'd been there.
►True_Believer152 (Temp Banned)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Lies, all lies! The Lord of the Waters will return to bless you with his unstoppable floods, and to all who stand against him, woe!
►Brilliger (Moderator: Protectorate Main)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Okay, that's enough out of you, @True_Believer152. You're allowed to hold whatever opinions you feel are valid, but cultist rantings are a no-no. Have a temp ban while you think that one over.
►Laotsunn (Kyushu Survivor)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
@Mouse_Protector - please pass on to Snek all of my heartfelt gratitude and best wishes. He will be in our prayers.
►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
I remember when we were the only ones to have weird Snek stories. Hell, I remember when everyone thought he was an urban legend.
Snek, you rock!
►GoodGirlRiley
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Hi, I won't be getting on much, but I wanted you all to know that I've passed on your thanks and best wishes to Snek. He's happy to know that everyone thinks he's been a good boy.
@Mouse_Protector - he says hi, and he'll be around to visit you sometime soon. Also, he says Leviathan tasted like chicken, not fish.
@True_Believer152 - Leviathan deserved everything he got.
@Legend - according to the boss, he's a Hyrakian python. Don't bother looking that up. It won't be in your books.
►Legend (Original Poster) (Veteran Member) (Verified Cape) (Head of Protectorate)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
@GoodGirlRiley - thank you for that. Is it possible to contact Snek through you? I'd really like to talk to him and see if it's possible to set up a regular working arrangement with the Protectorate and PRT.
►GoodGirlRiley
Replied On May 15th 2011:
@Legend - sorry, I'm not Snek's boss, just his friend and work colleague. The boss generally has requirements on his time so he probably wouldn't be able to commit elsewhere. But he'll be around again sometime. He really enjoys visiting you guys and helping people.
►FuglyBobsUSA (Verified Fast Food Restaurant)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
This is to announce that the entity known as 'Snek' can now eat for free at any Fugly Bobs restaurant, in perpetuity.
►Mouse_Protector (Verified Cape) (Independent Hero) (Veteran Member) (Purveyor of Cheesy Puns)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
@GoodGirlRiley - Well, if it isn't my little armor assistant. Nice to hear from you. Your boss must have one heck of a communications setup.
Chicken, huh? Well, looks like my comment about keeping a drumstick for later was on the money.
It'll be nice to see my Snekky-boops again. Him and me go together like cheese and crackers.
@FuglyBobsUSA - Wow, you're brave. You do know he ate most of an Endbringer in one sitting, right?
<><>
Taylor
I'd never been to Savannah, but it wasn't hard to tell the aftermath of a Leviathan-spawned wave. Rubble was everywhere and they were still cleaning up the streets, while shots of the island just offshore showed that many buildings had just been flattened. And that had only been the one wave.
Snek had presumably vanished through his own personal wormhole before the news crews had arrived on site (being able to teleport had to be so handy) but Mouse Protector (or Diane, as she'd told us to call her) was still on site as the cameras were panning around. I couldn't help thinking that her armour looked a bit cooler and sleeker than what she'd been wearing before, even without taking into account that she'd just been through an Endbringer battle in it. Did she get an upgrade from Snek's Master?
Dad nodded at the TV. "You see that? That sort of thing is what made me nervous about you going out as a hero. Taking down punks and thugs is one thing, and having Snek around to protect you against the nastier villains was a huge bonus. But some things are too damn powerful for anyone's good, and they don't give a damn about who gets hurt."
"Yeah, I got that with Lung," I said. "Tattletale tried to tell me about how it's like a big game of cops and robbers, and the rules that they all follow." I rolled my eyes. "Everyone but Lung, apparently. It's a good thing Snek was there."
"Yes, it was." He drew a deep breath, then drummed his fingers on his thigh. "Can … can we talk?"
The tone of uncertainty in his voice made me start to worry. "About what?"
He frowned, deeply. "About … well, about your powers. What you're going to do with them. We haven't spoken about it since you showed me where Lung died."
"Dad, I—"
"Now hear me out," he said hastily. "These are your powers. This is your super identity. I really, truly do not want to make you feel like I'm cramping your style here. I know you want to do this … but I'm unhappy when I think about you not having someone like Snek backing you up while you're out and about."
My breath caught in my throat. "Dad … are you trying to tell me that you don't want me going out as a hero? Because that's what it sounds like."
"No. No, no, God, no." He shook his head. "You've got powers, and you want to do good with them. I would be the worst father in the world if I held you back from that. I just want to see if we can work toward a compromise, where you still use your powers to help people and I can feel at least moderately confident of your safety while you're doing it."
I allowed myself to start calming down again. "Okay … that sounds fair, I guess. What were you thinking of suggesting?" Because if I knew my dad, he wouldn't be putting something like this forward if he didn't already have ideas in mind.
He looked relieved, probably because I wasn't shooting him down immediately. "Well, I'm guessing you're still set against the Wards."
"Yeah, that's not happening." I waved the idea away physically. Emma and Sophia were doing their best to hound me every day at school, and it took bug-enabled prescience for me to duck and dodge around their ambushes. If the Wards had one tenth of that kind of drama, I didn't want to be there. And it wasn't like I could sign up for a trial period; I'd looked at the Wards contract online, and balked at the sheer number of clauses they could call on.
"New Wave would require you unmask." He knew how I felt about that.
"Also, I'd probably ruin their aesthetic," I agreed. Grey and black and swarms of bugs probably wouldn't mesh with their image of light and warmth.
"I could go out and about with you, and drive you to trouble spots?" He didn't sound particularly enthusiastic about the option, but I knew if I took him up on it, he would follow through.
Still, I shook my head. "That could go pretty badly wrong. If the wrong people see our license plates at the wrong time, I'm outed."
"True." He paused, thinking. "I'm guessing you're not willing to wait until Snek is in town again and go out heroing with him."
"So, what I was already doing? No, thanks."
"Then what about the other option I thought of? Use your power for pest extermination?"
I blinked. "I … well, I basically assumed that I couldn't because of the rules about being paid for power use."
He held up a cautionary finger. "Never assume until you've double-checked. I looked it up: so long as we take care to jump through a few basic hoops, we should have no trouble establishing you as a hero who exterminates bugs on the side."
"What sort of hoops are we talking about?" I asked. "Because unmasking—"
"—is definitely not on the table," he assured me. "Basically, you're not allowed to price anyone else out of the market, or force them out in any other way. This is so that if you suddenly lose your powers or decide that exterminating bugs isn't fun anymore, or stop doing it for any other reason, there'll be others who can take up the slack. NEPEA-5 has a bunch of rules that don't apply to you, such as using Thinkers to predict market trends and suchlike … though I guess if you used your powers to move bugs into someone's place, you'd know who was going to call you next."
I shook my head definitively. "Yeah, that's a hard nope for me. Pretty sure that would count as going villain, and that's not my deal."
"I'd prefer we didn't go that way, either," he agreed. "But I can start looking into the paperwork for registering you as a bug-extermination rogue cape, if you want. What sort of trade name do you think you'd like to go with? Because as cute as it sounds when he says it, 'buzzy-bug girl' probably won't get you the respect that you deserve."
"How about Lady Swarm Extermination Service?" I spread my hands. "It's not like I'm going to be pretending to be another cape altogether. And rescuing people from muggers is kind of separate from removing all the bugs from their house. There won't be any confusion about what I'll be getting paid for."
He nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. That should work. I'll start setting that up tomorrow. Also, I've been speaking with Mr Howe. DC&H should have everything lined up to hit them with the lawsuit as of the twenty-eighth."
I blinked. That date was significant. "First day of summer vacation?"
"Exactly." He grinned viciously. "That way, they can't use ongoing school duties as an excuse to duck and dodge out of showing up to court."
"And that's only about two weeks away." I nodded. "Sure, I can hold out that long."
"Good." He patted me on the shoulder. "I know it's been hard on you, and I know I wasn't there to help you out for far too long, but I'm here now and we'll get through this together."
Impulsively, I hugged him. "Thanks, Dad. That means so much to me."
His arms crept around me, and I felt the warmth and belonging of an answering hug. It felt safe and secure.
We stood like that for a long time.
<><>
That Evening
Snek is happy that he ate monster Leviathan and gave Master hard ball from inside. Master has put ball in collection, where Snek can see them all. They would be crunchy and tasty—Snek has eaten others like them—but they are Master's, so Snek does not eat. Snek is happy that Master likes Snek's present. Master's collection is very impressive. There is more than ten balls in it.
Master is doing Master things, and Riley is riding dragons, so Snek decides to go visit friends in fun world. He asks Master permission first—being polite is good—then goes through wriggle-hole to city where purple girl and buzzy-bug girl and purple hair girl all live.
Buzzy-bug girl likes being hero, so Snek goes to her house. He knocks on door with snoot, counting one-two-three, like he does with Master's door. Is good to be polite.
Door is opened by Danny. Danny is buzzy-bug girl Taylor's father. "Hello, Danny," says Snek.
Danny looks surprised to see Snek. "Uh, hello, Snek," he says. He is very smart. He remembers Snek's name! "Are you here to see Taylor?"
"Yess, Danny," says Snek. He is very impressed. He did not even have to tell Danny what he wanted. "Iss buzzy-bug girl Taylor here?"
"Sure, just one moment." Danny steps back into house a little. Snek waits. He is good at waiting. "Taylor, can you come downstairs, please? You have a visitor."
"Coming!" calls out buzzy-bug girl as she runs downstairs. She comes to where Snek is and her eyes go wide. "Snek! It's good to see you again!"
"Iss good to ssee buzzy-bug girl again," Snek says. Is true. Buzzy-bug girl is Snek's friend. "Would buzzy-bug girl like to come out helping people with Ssnek?"
Buzzy-bug girl stops and looks at Danny. "Can I, Dad?" she asks. "Please?"
Danny looks at Snek and then at buzzy-bug girl. "It is a school night," he says.
"I've already got my homework prepped," says buzzy-bug girl. "Sealed in waterproof envelopes with my name written across the seal. And they can't just steal the whole thing and erase my name. I wrote it, front and back, every page, in pen."
Snek does not know what is happening, but he knows stealing is bad. "Bad people ssteal buzzy-bug girl'ss thingss?" he asks. "Ssnek will get back."
Buzzy-bug girl gives Snek a hug and a snoot-boop. Snek likes snoot-boops. "Thanks, Snek, but it's alright. I'd just like to go out and be a hero."
Buzzy-bug girl says is alright, so is alright. Snek smiles at buzzy-bug girl and Danny. "Ssnek likess helping people."
Buzzy-bug girl looks at Danny. Danny nods. "Okay, but try to be home by midnight."
"You're the best!" Buzzy-bug girl hugs Danny. "I'll be as quick as I can, Snek." She opens door and runs down into basement. Snek will wait. He is good at waiting.
Danny looks at Snek. "So, uh, what was it like fighting an Endbringer?"
Snek smiles. Danny is nice person. "Monsster Leviathan try to hurt people in Ssa-van-nah, make big wave. Ssnek bite tail. Tail tassty, Ssnek eat. Monsster Leviathan try to sswim away, but Masster hass put sstrong magic on Ssnek …"
<><>
Shadow Stalker
Sophia sighed, rolling her eyes. It was the same old damn story, no matter how many times she saw it played out. A bunch of stupid ignorant goddamn sheep, with the collective survival instinct of a bunch of stoned lemmings, had gone out looking for fun and excitement on the wrong side of town and found far more of it than they could handle. Fuckin' shocker, right there.
And not only had they gotten lost on the way back to their car, and taken a shortcut through a fuckin' alley in the hope of getting back on the right track, but they'd also walked right into a bunch of Merchants that were probably jonesing for their next fix, and not too particular how they paid for it. She'd been trailing the partygoers for the last ten minutes, morbidly curious as to exactly how much trouble they were going to get themselves into. Well, she had her answer. Way too much.
Now she was crouched on a rooftop, looking down at the confrontation, wondering if any of the simple-minded little twits were going to show the slightest bit of spine before it was too late. The law of the jungle was simple: if you walked into the jungle without being prepared to fight, you ended up as lunch. Sometimes she liked to think of it as predators versus prey, but most of the time it was survivors and losers.
The thought of losers made her fists clench inside her gloves. There was one specific loser who was absolutely getting on her nerves these days, and the situation was becoming more and more aggravating as time went on. She didn't want to accept the concept of Hebert managing to acquire something resembling competence, but for some reason it was getting harder and harder to pin her down at Winslow these days. No matter how much of a pattern she built up, whenever they tried to exploit it, that was the day she did something totally different.
There were only two weeks left before the end of the school year, and there was no way in hell she was going to concede to Hebert and whatever bullshit she was pulling to keep ahead of them. Emma was getting just as antsy, but for a different reason. The line Sophia had fed her about pushing Hebert down so she could show how strong she was … well, it had kinda backfired. Given Hebert's run of luck with how successfully she was avoiding them, Emma was starting to wonder about her own strength. If she couldn't even keep Hebert down, was she really strong?
One of the girls down below cried out as a Merchant grabbed her by the arm. Nobody intervened, and she didn't even try to slap him. Sophia rolled her eyes again. Weak, that was what they were. Weak and spineless. Maybe if they went through a bit of a rough experience, they'd fight back next time.
They'd survive. They wouldn't enjoy it, but they'd survive. And afterward, Sophia would punish the perpetrators.
The Merchants all yelled at once, but not the kind of shouts she was expecting from guys expecting to make some money and maybe get some rough trade, all at the same time. These sounded like they were in pain, but their prospective victims still hadn't fought back. Stumbling back away from the girls, the gang members looked like they were fighting—and losing to—invisible opponents. Their yelps of pain as they waved their arms around were very real, which made Sophia reasonably sure they weren't suffering withdrawal hallucinations.
"Follow the fireflies," buzzed a creepy-as-fuck voice, just as a line of fireflies sprang into being in front of the girls. "Go, now."
The girls wasted no time in doing what they were told, hurrying out of the alley in what looked like the right direction to get back to the main road. Their would-be assaillants had lost all interest in pursuing them, and indeed seemed unable to stay upright. One after the other, the men tripped and fell. Despite struggling to get up again, they remained on the ground.
And then … a teenage girl stepped out of the shadows.
Her costume was actually pretty badass, Sophia had to admit. Not as good as the Shadow Stalker costume, of course, but still up there in the edgy stakes. Grey and black that blended in with the shadows remarkably well, with yellow lenses and insectoid mandibles on the mask. Finally, she had some sort of chunky spider pendant around her neck, that really helped sell the look.
Sophia frowned. She seemed to recall a briefing about some new hero called Lady Swarm, but no details were surfacing. Except for bug control. That was pretty damn obvious. The way the newcomer had taken the assholes down would've been badass, except that like every Master ever, she was a coward, hiding behind her bug minions.
And then she stopped and looked directly up at Sophia. The yellow lenses, seeming to float in a sea of shadows, looked even creepier than the voice sounded. "Why don't you come on down?"
<><>
Taylor
The cloaked girl turned to shadow and drifted down into the alley, then reformed on the ground in a dramatic crouch. I got the strong impression that she thought a lot of the theatrics made her look cooler than they really did. Slowly, she rose and turned toward me, then her hand came out of her cloak with a small crossbow.
I tensed, but it wasn't pointing at me. Instead, it angled toward the nearest of the would-be rapists (or at least robbery-with-menace-ists) and went off with a soft twungg sound. A short arrow with a liquid reservoir in the middle of it was now stuck in his leg; he protested weakly, then slumped.
Okay, so it shoots knockout arrows. The only question now is why.
"What the hell?" I demanded, barely remembering to have the bugs buzz along with my words. "They're down. They're secured. You didn't need to shoot him—hey!" My yell came as the crossbow somehow reloaded itself and she shot a second guy. "I said they're secured!"
"Yeah, right," she sneered. "All the way up until one of them cuts himself loose from whatever you did—spiderwebs, right?—with a hidden knife, then shanks you when your back's turned. Doing you a favour, right here."
"I checked them over," I snapped back. "No knives where they can get to them."
"Bullshit." She shook her head. "You never went near them."
"When I've got fifty bugs searching every one of them, I don't need to." I flew a swarm of moths in front of the crossbow before she could shoot a third one. "I said quit it!"
"You're a fuckin' newbie," she jeered. "You don't know how this goes, do you? Your witnesses are three blocks away by now. What are you gonna tell the cops when they show?"
"Well, for one thing, they're all carrying drugs." I wanted to roll my eyes, but she'd never see it. "Why were you sitting up there watching, anyway? That one girl could've been badly hurt, but you never made a move."
"None of your fuckin' business," she said, her voice an almost literal growl.
"It is actually kind of my fuckin' business." I made the buzzing overlay even more intense. "It's our job to protect people, not be glory hounds. Were you scared? Was that it? Waiting until they were distracted with her, so you could shoot them in the back and be the big damn hero without any risk?"
She took a step to me. "What did you say?"
"You heard me. Were you scared?"
"I was not scared!"
"Could've fooled me," I said dismissively.
"I don't get scared!" she screamed at my face.
"So why did you wait?" I shouted back.
"For them to fight back!" She paused for a moment, as though realizing what she'd just said out loud.
"You're shitting me." I shook my head. "You expected them to fight back? How fucking delusional are you, anyway?" Another thought hit me, with the power and speed of a freight train. "And just how many people have you let get hurt, because you were waiting until they fought back?"
"That's none of your fucking business." The crossbow was pointed directly at me, now. "This is the way I see it. You're gonna fuck off now. Thanks for letting me know they're carrying drugs. This is my bust now. When you get home, you're gonna forget this whole thing, because I'm a fucking Ward, which makes me fuckin' untouchable. Try and allege one thing without proof, and our lawyers will bury you."
"Yeah, yeah." I smiled under the mask. "There's just two problems with this idea."
I was absolutely certain she'd just rolled her eyes. "And what are they, Einstein?"
"Well, for starters, you're threatening me with a crossbow, and I have a friend who really doesn't like that. Snek, if you will?"
My only regret right then was not being able to see the look on her face as Snek's tongue came down from above and yoinked the crossbow clear out of her hand. It retracted into his mouth, and I knew the weapon was now stored in his 'not-eat place'.
"Hello, sshadow girl," said Snek, coiling down into the alleyway. "Ssnek iss Ssnek."
"Jesus fuck!" she yelped. "Where the fuck did you come from?"
"Ssnek comess from Masster'ss casstle," Snek replied promptly. "Iss helping buzzy-bug girl be hero. Why did sshadow girl point twang-arrow weapon at buzzy-bug girl?"
Shadow Stalker's whole attitude had changed in just a few seconds. I was pretty sure it was because she knew exactly who Snek was. Of course, there were very few people in the world right then who didn't know who he was. The image of him wriggling out of the surf with Leviathan's leg held triumphantly in his mouth had shown up everywhere.
"Look, this is just a misunderstanding, okay? Heroes do this all the time. Mistake each other for villains, trade a few punches. We're all good, right? Right?" The cockiness had gone right out of her attitude, replaced by an edge of desperation.
"Ssnek thinkss," he said deliberately, "that sshadow girl iss bad persson. Blue ssuit lady would want Ssnek to put bad persson in prisson ccell."
"Blue suit—ohhh, no," Shadow Stalker said, clearly realizing something I hadn't. "You are not going there. This doesn't end that way." She began to back away.
Snek suddenly lunged at her. His tongue shot out and grabbed at her; before it could get a proper grip, she went to shadow. I'd half-expected him to clamp his jaws around her anyway, but she flitted away up the wall and out of sight. He poured himself into a portal and vanished. A few seconds later, he returned, empty-mouthed.
"Ssnek ssorry," he said. "Sshadow girl got away."
He looked so downcast that I gave him a hug and a pat on the head. "Don't worry about it, Snek. You did good. You did really good. And you helped me out a bit."
"Ssnek did?" He seemed to regain some of his spirits. "How did Ssnek do that?"
I chuckled wryly. "Now I'm absolutely certain that I don't want to be in the Wards, if that's how they let them act."
"Ssnek undersstandss." He turned to face me. "Ssnek alsso got sshadow girl'ss facce, if buzzy-bug girl wantss."
"Her face?" Then his tongue came out, clutching a full-face mask portraying a scowling woman's face. "Oh, her mask. It does look like a face, doesn't it? Thanks, Snek. This will help when I make the complaint against her to the PRT." Personally, I didn't think it would come to much—even with all the evidence I had, her crack about the lawyers had struck close to home—but I was willing to give it my best shot.
He had cheered up all the way again now. "Ssnek likess to help."
I gave him a scratch along the jawline, which he leaned into. "Well, I really appreciate your help. You're a good boy. Now, if you can help me watch these guys until the police arrive, that would be great."
"Ssnek can do that."
<><>
Danny
Taylor opened the back door at eleven thirty on the dot. Danny gave up any pretense of watching the news and got up to greet her. "How'd it go?"
"It went … interesting." She stepped aside to allow Snek's nose to enter the doorway, and gave it a boop with her fist. "Thanks again for helping out, Snek."
"Ssnek likess to help," the giant snake said. "Hello, Danny."
"Hi, Snek. Thanks for keeping her safe." He gave the broad nose a scratch, which Snek seemed to enjoy. "I'd ask you to stay, but it is kind of late."
"Ssnek undersstandss. Masster will be waiting. Ssnek will ssee you again. Good night."
"Night, Snek." Danny still wasn't sure how this had become almost normal to him.
Taylor gave Snek a quick hug. "Night, Snek. You're a good boy."
"Thank you, buzzy-bug girl." Snek backed up from the doorway, then vanished into a portal.
Slowly, Danny closed the door. "How is it that having a giant snake visiting on the regular can be both weird and natural at the same time?"
Taylor pulled her mask off, then grinned as she shook her hair out. "Oh, that's better. I've got no idea. But I'm glad he was around. Tonight could've gotten a bit problematic, otherwise."
He felt his eyebrows climbing toward his hairline. "Oh?"
"I'll tell you about it later, once I've processed it all." She lifted the spider pendant off her neck. It was a little on the chunky side, deliberately so. This helped conceal the electronics within. "Right now, I'm going to see what I caught on the body cam."
"You do that. I'll clean up and turn out the lights." Yawning, he headed through into the living room and flicked off the TV, while Taylor went upstairs. The custom camera had set him back more than a little, but if anything ever came down to he-said-she-said, he wanted Taylor to have footage.
He was halfway up the stairs himself when he heard her call out from her room. "Uh, Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"You know the lawsuit?"
"Yeah?"
"Can Mr Howe include the PRT in it? In particular, whoever's got overwatch on the Wards?"
His eyes opened wide. "That's a very specific question. Why do you ask it?"
"I tangled with Shadow Stalker tonight. Snek snagged her mask before she went to shadow, and you'll never guess whose face I'm looking at right now."
End of Part Twelve
- Location
- United States
Yep. Saw that coming. Enjoy your serving of Karma, Sophia. I also like that Taylor narrowed it down to whoever is in charge of the Wards.
- Location
- england
The "Ten balls" thing has me interested. If the others are similar to Leviathan's, then Master has already collected half of the Twenty...
- Location
- Australia
More than.
He's not just collecting from Bet. He's got these things from all over. And he uses them like lava lamps.
Scholar of Time
Master of Lurking
- Location
- Born of Sands, Raised in Shadow
Now I finally have a goal for an isekai'd me - Gotta Catch 'Em All! Even the rare shiny ones...
*hides a can of glitter spray paint behind his back*
What? They were shiny before I got there, definitely...
*hides a can of glitter spray paint behind his back*
What? They were shiny before I got there, definitely...
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When will the Fallen appear in the crosshairs of Snek?
I really like this heart-to-heart Taylor and Danny had.
This line is excruciatingly funny. You absolutely crushed it.
Well done.
I enjoy Sophia getting it handed to and her getting. And you flawlessly executed both simultaneously at a phenomenally high level.
Again, well done.
Oh God. I cannot wait for the next chapter as PRT ENE attempts to cover for Sophia and then leave her hanging as Taylor rolls out the video. Sophia's reactionary denial of the evidence should be hilarious.
All while RCB of PRT National is telling Emily to keep Sophia and make the problem go away.
Yeah, that could be funny, in an peeling away the layers away.
Looking forward to reading it.
Well That Went Dark
Kaernetron
Feuergeist
- Location
- Weit, Weit dort Oben
Emily had just gotten off a call with Costa-Brown, who was still unwilling to be reasonable about the expanding Shadow Stalker debacle. She ground her teeth, thinking about the Hess girl made her blood boil. "I am to make the problem go away, Rebecca?" she thought, "Some things can't be swept under the rug..."
Feeling inspiration strike, she picked up her phone again and dialled an internal number.
"Maintenance, Smith speaking."
"This is Director Piggot. I need a car battery, some christmas lights, a roll of carpet and a bag of quicklime brought to..." she paused to check the duty roster, "Vehicle bay six. Piggot out."
Emily hung up, then dialled another number.
"Captain Reynolds, I have a mission for you. Tell your strike team to bring their shovels..."
It's friday, so happy BOFH day.
Feeling inspiration strike, she picked up her phone again and dialled an internal number.
"Maintenance, Smith speaking."
"This is Director Piggot. I need a car battery, some christmas lights, a roll of carpet and a bag of quicklime brought to..." she paused to check the duty roster, "Vehicle bay six. Piggot out."
Emily hung up, then dialled another number.
"Captain Reynolds, I have a mission for you. Tell your strike team to bring their shovels..."
It's friday, so happy BOFH day.
Now that is just grim and sadly the sort of brutal and efficient something that certain version of Director P. would do.
Well, at least Sophia will be in a heap of trouble soon.
"I'm a wizard, they're crystal balls. It's part of the whole wizard thing."
- Pronouns
- They/Any
A wizard's gotta have his orbs to ponder, it's like the stuffed alligator in the ceiling.