Snapping Turtle [Naruto SI]

That brings to question how much is Leaf and how much is Fire.
Konoha's famously set up the dynamic where no one actually knows who really runs the show. Konoha could have Fire as a vassal, Fire could have Konoha as a vassal. They keep saying they're equals, but no one actually believes them. Konoha has its allies change their domestic policy to match Fire Country's. They base their foreign policy on Fire Country's. The Hokage needs to have the Fire daimyo's approval to assume command or leave office. It's a situation that inevitably leads to internal strife as people can't handle the uncertainty anymore.

Since this is ages before the start of canon, how different is the map actually looking right now ignoring the bullshit around what used to be Water Country?
I'd say the southern half of map River Country is still part of Fire Country -- since that's where Takumi village is, and Fire/Wind used to share a land border that vanished over time. Extend Waterfall further down to the northern banks of the river which, per map, is in Fire right now, extend Grass to along the southern bank and to the western shore of that lake, and extend Rain, Claw, and Fang all further north and south a bit into what is now Earth/Wind Countries on the map. Wind would definitely be desperate for more sources of fresh water.
 
I know this is neither here nor there, but the concept of an unclear power dynamic between leaf and fire seems cool to me.

I especially like the idea that it is a purposefully vague dynamic maintained by the upper echelon for some political purpose, but LT. grade hardliners on both sides don't get it and keep creating stupid problems their boss doesn't want in their bosses name.
 
Ch 27
Ch 27: Despair Not

---

Genin Uzumaki

Kushina liked to think she knew how to fight. She liked to think that she was pretty solid as far as kunoichi went. Then she picked a fight with one of Noburu's teammates and got kicked so hard in the stomach that she went flying twelve meters back and landed in the sound.

While Kushina struggled back to the surface, her opponent casually skipped -- literally skipped -- across the surface of the water and crouched down next to the Konoha genin.

"Maybe Noburu is right," the strange girl with tattoos around her eyes said with a pout. "You still need practice before you're a good fight."

Kushina wanted to snap something, but she instead coughed and tried to stay afloat. How did a girl barely older than her already know how to water-walk?

"Here, let me help you up baby-girl!" The cheerful Oto nin reached down and grabbed Kushina under arms. As if she weighed nothing, the girl -- Junko, Kushina remembered her name was -- picked Kushina up and carried her back to shore.

"H-hey! Let me down! I can swim!"

"Not when the water's negative-one degrees, silly!" Junko giggled and held Kushina over her head. "I thought you'd land one of the ice floes -- but you can't control how you fall yet. It's okay, there's always next time!"

Kushina wiggled valiantly, but she couldn't escape the other kunoichi's grip. It was like iron despite Junko being, at best, a couple months older. In short order, she found herself back on shore with a couple dozen blankets foisted on her and a seat by the fire she was mandated to stay at.

"I… I can't believe I lost that badly," Kushina muttered from within her coccoon of blankets. "She kicked me once and that was the end of it!"

"Well, yeah!" Junko cartwheeled onto the scene and crouched down next to Kushina. She wrapped her hands around her knees and grinned. "I'm a Kaguya, we're the top dogs at taijutsu in Oto now. We almost were with Kiri, but the Fujimotos had us beat." She stuck her tongue out. "But there will only be one Fujimoto left after the rest get killed! And he's not really interested in taijutsu!"

Kushina twitched as she listened to the odd girl talk. "He's… your teammate? And you sound happy that his family is going to die?"

Junko nodded. "They can't let go of the past! They're so wrapped up in their Kirigakure pride," she twirled her finger around, to indicate the wrapping, "that they're letting go of reality. By now the food in Kiri will be running out, and there's no more boats there." Junko smiled. "By now they know that they should have come with us, but there's nothing they can do."

Kushina felt a chill run through her that wasn't brought on by her dip in the sound. "And… you're happy about that?"

"Yeah. It means that we've got less people who will make our lives trouble." Junko stuck her tongue out. "My clan's honest about who we are, and we can tell the difference between what's real and what isn't. Everyone here can too." She rolled her eyes. "Everyone who stayed in Kiri would just make it more likely we'd end up like a second Kiri. It's good to get rid of them."

Kushina couldn't say she disagreed, but to see someone reflect her views with such cheer made her think she should. "S-so…, " she started, to turn the conversation in another direction. "Um. How did you train to be so strong?"

"Oh, a lot of training. My family makes games of it all -- stuff like, 'withstand the guillotine', 'catch the knife' and other stuff." She giggled, unaware of how her words made Kushina even more ill-at-ease. "You'll get that strong too, if you train. Though, now they want us to play new games." She tilted her head to the side, and made a confused face. "Stuff like 'drawing', and other not-very-hitty things. Maybe by the time I'm good at that, you'll be good at fighting?"

"Sure… yeah," Kushina nodded. Part of her felt genuinely insulted by Junko for that line, but another felt it was genuine criticism. Junko had kicked her once and won the fight, and Kushina needed to get better at taijutsu so it didn't happen again. "But then I'll have to learn how to be a better artist than you, too."

"Hee! It's like a race! I've got the lead, and you gotta catch up!" Junko gave Kushina two thumbs-up and a grin. "You can still win, if you work hard or get really lucky! I believe you can do it!"

"Um… thank you for believing in me?" She didn't know what to do with that information -- the girl who was glad her teammate's insane family was going to die, and had beaten her with almost no effort believed in her. "I hope I won't… disappoint you?"

Junko's smile slowly faded, and she looked at Kushina -- deadly serious. "You can only disappoint me by giving up. It is better to try, and fail, than to give up." She stood, and walked off suddenly.

Kushina was left in a state of utter bewilderment, cozy though she was in a nest of blankets.

--

Genin Aburame

Shibi stayed with Orochimaru-sensei while the others were allowed to wander the tent city. His sensei wanted to speak to Kousuke, and Shibi had asked to accompany him -- he'd heard stories of the rebellious monk, and wanted to see how true they were.

When they approached the slug-banner tent, Shibi could see that Water Temple monks weren't the same as their Fire Temple compatriots. Fire Temple monks had their hands and feet exposed, and typically went without hair or head-coverings. But the Water Temple monks in Kousuke's entourage had almost every patch of skin apart from their heads covered, and even then they wore hats in fig-like shapes. He'd seen those hats worn by locals in the villages -- perhaps they were making an active change to assimilate to Wave's culture?

Shibi wisely stopped the thoughts in the vein of 'did Wave even have a culture' before they took shape. That would be massively rude to give thought to.

Kousuke broke from the tradition of what he expected a powerful monk to look like. The massive hoop earrings were an obvious sign, but the staff in his hand was another. Shakujo were typically reserved for a monastery's abbott and were used in ceremonies only. But Kousuke's staff had the telltale scars of life as a weapon. He was not surrounded by an aura of killing intent, as the stories told, and he didn't have a sneer that caused ninja to flee at the sight of it.

But one thing the stories got right were Kousuke's eyes. While Orochimaru-sensei talked with the monk, Shibi occasionally caught Kousuke's gaze. Each and every time, without fail, Kousuke's eyes unnerved Shibi. It was as if he were an ant that had caught the complete, undivided attention of a human. Whatever was behind Kousuke's eyes to create such an effect was as high above humans as they were above common insects. However, his hives were relatively still. They had no fear of Kousuke, even though Shibi did.

Shibi didn't know which of them was in the wrong -- maybe neither of them were.

Maybe Kousuke was only something terrifying to Shibi because Shibi had never been in the position his insects spent every day.

"I think your student is having trouble with maintaining his courage," Kousuke commented as he removed his conical hat and began to shed his vestments. "That is good -- he will remember this and find other moments of fear trifling in comparison."

Orochimaru-sensei turned to look at Shibi with an odd expression -- it was like Orochimaru-sensei had something he wanted to express, but didn't quite know how to make his face make the shape. But that was impossible, Orochimaru-sensei was one of the Sannin and their infiltration expert. The Sannin laid his hand on Shibi's shoulder. "It's okay to be afraid. You can stand behind me, or outside the tent if it makes you feel better."

Shibi thought he'd been hiding his fear relatively well. But no, it had been obvious. "If I do not challenge myself," he said as he looked up at his sensei with what he hoped was conviction, "I will not get better. I want to try, at least."

The unfamiliar expression on Orochimaru's face became a smile. "That's a good attitude. Alright." Orochimaru turned back to Kousuke just as the monk sat down with his back to them -- his torso uncovered with no apparent ill effects despite the cold.

A moment later an elaborate tattoo of interlocking diamond-shapes began to appear on Kousuke's back. It spread out from the base of his neck until it encompassed his entire back. Some diamonds were filled, some half-filled, some empty, and others had a pattern within them.

Orochimaru-sensei approached and looked at the elaborate tattoo. Shibi didn't know what he was looking for, just that he looked. Orochimaru-sensei formed hand signs and began to tap some of the diamonds with patterns inside them with his fingers. When he touched a pattern designed to look like a spiral, there was a sudden flood of overwhelming chakra.

Shibi's bugs stilled and hid within their homes, Shibi had to struggle to remain standing, and several of Kousuke's monks looked ill at ease.

"Oy, oy," Kousuke muttered with a different accent than he had possessed a moment prior. "The hell you want, yeah? I got more important things to be doin' than coming out and speakin' to you."

"Pardon me," Orochimaru said, and bowed his head. "Just inspecting the seal. It… appears damaged?"

"Hmph. Well don't bother me about it, yeah? Young people these days, disturbin' their elders for every little thing…." The oppressive chakra faded and his normal voice returned. "Saiken and I are equals. He may come and go as he wishes."

"Well," Orochimaru said as he stood up and crossed his arms. "The seal being that badly damaged means that most seal breakers wouldn't actually do anything. However… why is it this damaged in the first place?"

"The barrier between myself and Saiken strained his ability to lend me his power. I removed it." Kousuke turned and glared directly at Orochimaru. "Isobu and Saiken are the most passive of their kin -- you need not fear rampages unless you do something to provoke them."

"I'll be sure to tell the Hokage that." Orochimaru did not wince from the glare as Shibi knew he would. "Though he might ask that you be sealed somewhat more securely."

"I am not a ninja, thus not bound by your agreement with Oto. And Hiruzen already knows I'm not afraid of him. Or you." Kousuke calmly started to dress himself again. "So to put it bluntly: No."

Using the Hokage's name so casually made Shibi almost more afraid than when the monk had unleashed that terrible chakra. The idea that someone could be equal to Lord Hokage enough to use his given name so casually… it boggled Shibi's mind.

"Well." Orochimaru said, calm despite how shaken Shibi was. He turned and patted the boy on the back. "You did well. Let's go back and meet up with the others, huh?"

Shibi nodded and followed his sensei when they walked away. It took his hives a long time to feel safe enough to begin moving again. Just as they'd begun to go back to normal, they froze again and returned to their rest state. It took Shibi a moment to see why. A gap in the crowd formed around three people, two adults and a girl younger than Shibi. He recognized them immediately.

A man in the jounin uniform of Konoha with spikey white hair in a long ponytail, with a large scroll tied to his back and long red lines tattooed beneath his eyes. A woman with long blonde hair, a purple diamond tattooed on her forehead, and dressed as a civilian with a stunning jeweled necklace.

Lord Jiraiya and Princess Tsunade, the other Sannin. Shibi hastily bowed to them, but the Sannin had eyes only for each other.

Orochimaru's face was full of relief when Shibi glanced at him. "I didn't know if you would come," he said.

Tsunade seemed to initially want to avoid his gaze, but she took a breath and met Orochimaru-sensei's eyes with determination. "I wouldn't leave you with only this lummox for support at a time like this," she jerked her thumb at Jiraiya.

Shibi didn't understand, was something wrong?

Tsunade glanced down at him, and made him want to hide behind Orochimaru-sensei with her intense stare. "You took an apprentice?"

"I have a genin team now." Orochimaru-sensei patted Shibi on the shoulder. "This is Shibi Aburame. Shibi, these are my teammates. And… that shy little thing is… Shizune?"

Tsunade glanced down at the girl who actually hid behind her teacher. "Shizune, come on. They're our allies." She was shorter than Shibi substantially, with short black hair and a dark kimono on. Quite nondescript.

"You've grown since I last saw you." Orochimaru smiled, which only seemed to frighten the girl more. "Shibi, could you take Shizune to meet with the others? Maybe talk to some of the Otogakure genin?"

"Of course, sensei." Shibi nodded, emboldened by his teacher's request. He stepped away from the Sannin and waited for Shizune to follow. She did, although hesitant to leave Tsunade's side. It took her a while, but Shibi was patient enough to wait.

"You've done well keeping everyone calm," Jiraiya said as he reached out and patted Orochimaru on the shoulder. "But we're here now. Let's get a look at it."

Shibi just barely managed to coax one of his bugs to fly after them as he and Shizune walked in the opposite direction.

--

Legendary Sannin Tsunade

Two medical ninja sat across from each other in a room adjacent to where Orochimaru and Jiraiya worked.

Tsunade looked over the former medical director for Kirigakure with a narrowed gaze. "Suzume, you look like shit."

"I feel like shit," she replied back, exhausted. "War does that to you."

That was a feeling Tsunade could understand, so she let that topic die off. Suzume had been on the development team of the seal which held the three-tails, and she was also the jinchuuriki's primary physician and medical tutor. So while the boys talked shop in Orochimaru's cabin about the seal, she talked to Suzume about the jinchuuriki's health.

For a brief period in the Second Shinobi World War, Kiri and Konoha had been allied against Suna and Iwa -- and in that time Suzume and Tsunade had a chance to meet and talk as peers. Tsunade found Suzume's theft of Suna's chakra threads for use in treating multiple patients at once, and her reduction ninjutsu to be an effective combo.

Suzume as she was in the present seemed a shadow of her old self. Brow-beaten, tired, bags under her eyes, the hints of early bald spots in her hair. The civil war hadn't been kind to her.

"Any long-term concerns?" Tsunade started while she checked the files for the boy's father. Orochimaru's older brother. The notes seemed to indicate that he had the precursor to a kekkei genkai, but was denied treatment on account of caste considerations.

"His vitiligo has stabilized, though I can't tell what caused the change in the first place." Suzume brushed some of her hair out of her eyes. "The bijuu's regeneration has been increasing in effectiveness exponentially since he started learning medical ninja techniques."

Tsunade arched her brow and looked up from the file. "Could the bijuu be… using those techniques?"

"We haven't discounted it." For a moment, the old energetic Suzume who would climb mountains for fun returned. "From past observations, the three-tails has the best chakra control of all the bijuu -- it can use genjutsu, and has been seen using rudimentary hand signs."

"...That's terrible." Tsunade said, her eyebrows high as she wanted Suzume to realize the problem. "The bijuu being able to use jutsu is a terrible thing. It means that they might be able to break out of seals from the inside."

"Which is why the Mizukage initially ordered the creation of the Seal of Hooks." Suzume's voice became more brittle as she talked, and her shadow-of-her-former-self state returned. "He wanted something to blind the bijuu with pain, so that there would be no escape."

"How typical of the Two-Faced Dragon." Tsunade flipped through more data on the boy's father and saw a picture of him. She made a face, and quickly flipped away. Orochimaru definitely got the good looks out of the two of them. "I don't imagine you'll be in a place where you can manufacture your own vaccinations for a while… might need to tell the hospital in Konoha to send you some."

"That would be greatly appreciated."

Tsunade nodded and stood to leave the room. The boy was in surprising medical health despite being overweight. She entered the next room over, where the men were talking seals, and found Jiraiya with his head in his hands and a scroll unwound on the table in front of him.

Orochimaru sat on a bed and watched, impassive.

The tension in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife. Tsunade looked at each of her teammates, and got no response. It seemed obvious what the outlook on the seal side of things looked like. "It's bad isn't it?"

"I expect this kind of shit from Kumo," Jiraiya snarled and tapped the scroll with his pointer finger. "I thought Kiri was better than this… well, I was wrong."

Tsunade flinched. Kumo, the worst village on the entire continent at sealing, had a bad reputation of their jinchuuriki killing more of their own forces than their enemies. "Can it be fixed?"

"No." Jiraiya shook his head. "We'd need to break the seal, since it doesn't have a key, and seal the bijuu back in with a totally new seal. But in order to keep it from being on the loose and rampaging… we'd have to seal it into something else first. That would take hours -- then we'd need to apply the seal and put the bijuu back…." Jiraiya visibly sagged. "The kid would be dead almost immediately after the seal was broken, it's linked directly to his nervous system. And leaving it alone isn't an option either." He tapped the scroll again. "They purposefully made this version of it brittle, so they could reinforce points of failure in the next version. It's a good thing he's not gotten into a serious life-or-death fight, or he might pull on more chakra than the seal can channel at one point."

Tsunade's eyes shifted to Orochimaru. He was silent and stony through the proceedings. Perhaps he hadn't gotten to know his nephew well enough to really care whether he lived or not, perhaps his yearning for a family had been such that he'd bonded right away. She couldn't tell, from his face.

"Let me look at that," she snapped and pushed him aside with ease. It took her a minute to look at the seal notes and see the medical information among all the noise. "Shit. They hooked it into his brain stem?" That would be tricky. Really, aggressively tricky. "Damnit. I… think I'd be able to keep him alive for a while, with a full hospital setup." Just keeping his heart beating, lungs expanding, and nerves firing would be easy. No blood involved at all. But repairing any lingering damage to the brainstem….

Jiraiya twitched on the ground, useless in that instance.

"There are only a few hospitals on the continent which are set up appropriately to do such a thing," Orochimaru said, soft. He'd sussed out what Tsunade hadn't given voice to. "The boy will not willingly come to Konoha -- not while Danzo is alive."

"Danzo?" Tsunade looked over her shoulder at Orochimaru, then back at the scroll, and tapped it with her finger as her voice was raised. "Did Danzo have something to do with this?" Oh if that slimeball had conspired with Konoha's enemies and they finally had proof....

"No." Orochimaru gently shook his head. "But he knows about Danzo's reputation."

Tsunade cursed. For a moment she'd hoped they'd finally had something to get that bastard executed for.

Jiraiya sighed and sat up. "We… could maybe finish that experimental seal we've been working on," he said with a meaningful look to Orochimaru. "The Seal of Hooks will crumble underneath it, but the Five Elements Seal is strong enough to keep it at least… semi-functional. It'll buy us a couple years to get Otogakure a hospital good enough to fix this."

Orochimaru's eyes widened a little. "I… that would take a lot of work, and money."

Tsunade scoffed. "I can share some of my medical know-how with these Oto punks," she flicked her hand dismissively. "And I know every medical goods supplier on the continent. For my endorsement, they'll send their best equipment to the moon if that's my price."

"And, I don't mean to brag," Jiraiya said with a shrug that indicated he clearly meant to brag. "But my books sell well, and sell often. And with my network, I can scout talent all across the continent to get this place up and running -- the hospital, and a village with the income to pay for it."

Orochimaru looked at each of them, bewildered. "I… can't ask you to do that. Not for me. Not for a nephew I've only just met."

"When's the last time you asked us for anything?" Tsunade snapped, a mask of affront at her offer being pushed back hiding how amused she felt. "Any time we needed reinforcements, you came. Any time we needed a day off, you did our work and yours. Having us come here was the most you've asked of us in our entire time together."

"You've done the most out of any of us, yet you live like a pauper. You keep telling Sarutobi-sensei not to pay you when the village is short on money." Jiraiya leaned on the bed and poked Orochimaru in his sides. "Come on… let us help you out. You got lucky enough to find a family -- unless you've got more brothers out there somewhere with more kids, this is your only shot at a family." He pointed his thumb at himself and Tsunade in turn. "Neither of us are going to be making any squealing brats anytime soon, so it's the only shot for us too."

Tsunade quickly flicked Jiraiya in the side of the head and sent him flying into the wall. "He's right," she said despite Jiraiya's painful squawks while embedded in the steel. "Though I believe he's got at least a dozen 'squealing brats' somewhere on the continent, I have no proof." She let her annoyed mask slip just a little so she could show her teammate how serious she was. "Let us help."

Orochimaru wasn't big on emotional displays, but the clear gratitude in his face was enough to tell Tsunade she'd gotten through to him. Neither of them helped Jiraiya pry his head out of the wall.

Naturally, none of them considered what the world at large would think of all three Sannin throwing their support at some podunk, not even finished village would do. They didn't even think how the people back in Konoha would react.

---

Bet you guys thought I wouldn't be able to finagle a way to get Oto some of their most distinct guys without Oro prowling around and swipin' kids, huh? Well you thought wrong!
 
Huh...all three Sannin propping up a new Village. I guess we just found out what'll draw Danzo's attention. Suspicions about them going rogue followed by who knows what once he actually learns anything.

On the seal, it doesn't seem like have internalized that Isobu is NOT liable to breaking out and rampaging, nor would the Seal by stressed by him pushing it (because he won't). But...is it also flawed enough that it'll degrade over time or from enough anyway? Because the seals (lack) of effectiveness against Isobu like what was implied in the first part of the story really isn't any reason to be risking Noburo's life when by his and the other Jinchurikki's words their Bijuu are cooperative. If it's just going to fail randomly period that becomes more concerning and merits the response given.

Edit: I also wonder how Tsunade is going to take it when the whole Rampancy issue comes up. Jiraiya has had more contact with Oro, but Tsunade is the medical expert (nevermind that trauma and such seem more like Yamanaka stuff then more physiological medicine like she practices), and she's also the one who left the Village and there-by increased the work/stress of those remaining. She's probably going to need an intervention to avoid a relapse of 'running from her problems because of the guilt of running from her problems'.
 
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Noburu's version of the Seal of Hooks was intended to fail. It had no barrier between the host and the bijuu, and it was designed to be brittle so that they could see where the seal would fail and reinforce those points. This was intended to happen multiple times until they had a version sturdy enough to hold up to Isobu thrashing about and still produce a rabid soldier which could kill when let off the leash.

Remember how Noburu described as channeling Isobu's chakra as being painful? Now y'all know why.
 
Noburu's version of the Seal of Hooks was intended to fail. It had no barrier between the host and the bijuu, and it was designed to be brittle so that they could see where the seal would fail and reinforce those points.
Interesting iterative methodology, but I'm not quite sure about the specific application here - how exactly did they expect to determine where the seal failed? It would be impossible to determine after the fact, and trying to study it while it's actively breaking down seems... inadvisable.
 
Interesting iterative methodology, but I'm not quite sure about the specific application here - how exactly did they expect to determine where the seal failed? It would be impossible to determine after the fact, and trying to study it while it's actively breaking down seems... inadvisable.
Examination of the corpse. Once freed, Isobu would pull himself out and promptly be sealed back into his urn. Then they have some chakra go through the seal, and see where the circuit is broken.
 
Examination of the corpse. Once freed, Isobu would pull himself out and promptly be sealed back into his urn. Then they have some chakra go through the seal, and see where the circuit is broken.
Oh. I was under the impression that shattered seals don't leave any remnants behind, given the few we've seen from canon.
 
Naturally, none of them considered what the world at large would think of all three Sannin throwing their support at some podunk, not even finished village would do. They didn't even think how the people back in Konoha would react.
"KONOHA'S BUILDING A SECOND VILLAGE, NINJA WAR NOW!" -other villages, probably

On the less war-y level, I imagine this sort of support (and investment in medical stuff especially) atop the already odd mixture of cultures leads to the village rapidly building up into the place to get treatment for physical and spiritual issues. I mean they've got crazy medical science coming in, actual world class medical knowledge, a lot of monks and an anti-bodhisattva, and a couple of bijuu on hand with a great understanding of chakra probably, as well as a bunch of bloodlines. And that's before any of the people that Jiraiya funnels towards it. Place is going to be like a non-evil version of the Academy from Twig or something.

On the seal, sounds like the solution to their problems is killing Nobu first, removing the Bijuu, then bringing him back to life? IDK.
 
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I wonder how a better, Biju approved seal would work, and be called?
There probably won't ever be one? Simply because being sealed means almost totally losing freedom and sensation. And while they have certainly had the time to get used to being trapped, they have still spent the overwhelming majority of their lives being free.

The closest they're likely to get in terms of tolerable (at least as far as the Seals go, and not the people that host them), would be something that doesn't need any sort of painful restraint to function.

I would say a seal that could keep them unconscious and thus oblivious to their time imprisoned would be even better, but that runs into issues on actually controlling their energy as well as the basic aversion Humans and Anthropomorphized energy constructs have to things messing with our minds, even stuff as simple and arguably benevolent as 'don't notice the pain/sensory deprivation you are in'.
 
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"KONOHA'S BUILDING A SECOND VILLAGE, NINJA WAR NOW!" -other villages, probably
I would assume that Konoha is engaged in the next stage of Village System evolution: That being decentralization.

There is no such progression to the Village System, it was a slapdash bandage on a gushing wound, but nobody else really knows that. People probably think that Hashirama had some sort of master plan. Once they reach a critical size it might make sense to either acquire or spin off affiliates and, well, you could see how an under the table deal with Kiri and two demon hosts would be a significant win. Seeing as both loyalist and rebel forces seem in on it, I'd even be concerned that a deal was made under the table with Soup and Nadeshiko.

I'd be worried that I'm behind the times, that I'm following an obsolete paradigm, and that Konoha sees something I don't. At which point I might either try to refine my existing geopolitical doctrine, and push hard, or else join in on what I perceive as a gold rush for potential allies and catspaws.

War? Maybe... but I'd be hesitant to commit since I don't know the true shape of the battlefield. I'd want to go in with some sort of edge.
 
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I'd be worried that I'm behind the times, that I'm following an obsolete paradigm, and that Konoha sees something I don't.
When Ryukotsusei was still alive, all the Five Villages were ruled by their Third Kage, and all were getting on in years. Their age is starting to show. But almost everyone assumes Orochimaru is to be the Fourth Hokage... and he's making these kinda waves, at around the same age Hiruzen was when he took over from Tobirama. This shift from the direct rule Konoha chased in the Second War could be seen as a shift to hegemonic empire under Orochimaru as Hokage. Right now Orochimaru hasn't cultivated his mad science persona yet, he's still more widely known as the infiltration specialist of the Sannin.
 
I'm waiting for the mc to casually reveal the Kaguya/Hyuuga connections that they are cousin clans with the same progenitor like the Senjuu and Uchiha and then perfect adorable Junko points a finger at Hizashi and loudly decalres him her rival/Hashirama!
 
I'm waiting for the mc to casually reveal the Kaguya/Hyuuga connections that they are cousin clans with the same progenitor like the Senjuu and Uchiha and then perfect adorable Junko points a finger at Hizashi and loudly decalres him her rival/Hashirama!
As.....wild as she is, I do not want Junko to become the second coming of Uchiha "Stich Hashirama's face to my nipples" Madara.

There is crazy and then there is that.
 
What happens when Junko meets a young Maito Gai?

I just imagined the Enthusiasm! The Blood Lust! The constant Smiles from the children!

Would they all have bowl cuts & wear spandex?
 
I'm waiting for the mc to casually reveal the Kaguya/Hyuuga connections that they are cousin clans with the same progenitor like the Senjuu and Uchiha and then perfect adorable Junko points a finger at Hizashi and loudly decalres him her rival/Hashirama!
So that's going to be a bit of a problem. This version of Chair stopped watching/reading Naruto before those elements were revealed. All he knows is that Facenipples Steve isn't actually the final boss -- it's some lady called Princess Kaguya.
 
Ch 28
Ch 28: Had It Coming

---

Jounin Kurosuki

After a morning of training from the monk, Raiga stumbled his way through the tent city toward his tent. To his surprise, he found his students seated outside. Noburu and Haruki had dishes wrapped in cloth which they held up at his arrival, while Junko had a cheesecloth sack which seemed to hold a black rope inside. After he invited them in, it turned out that black rope was the 'blood pudding' which the Kaguya had made from the hog they'd killed for the feast.

"I heard that Kousuke used one of his named techniques on you," Noburu said as he set his dish down on the jounin's table.

"That's a lie, but here's a great way to get him to admit the truth," Haruki added, then pulled a faceted glass bauble of bright blue out of his pocket and twisted it in the light. Immediately Noburu's eyes fixed on it and his gaze followed it when Haruki moved it this way and that. "See? Sparkly, yeah?"

"Sparkly…."

"You can have the sparkly if you tell Raiga-sensei the truth." Haruki kept it just out of Noburu's reach, using his greater height.

"I used my Byakugan to spy on you cause I wanted to see how the two of you fought," Noburu responded as he made grabby hands for the Sparkly. When Haruki handed it over, the chubby genin held it up to his eyes like it was the only thing left in the world. "Sparkly…."

Raiga forced himself not to laugh, afraid that he'd knock Noburu out of whatever Sparkly spell the bauble had him under. He distracted himself with getting the dishes the boys had provided unwrapped. Junko was using Raiga's personal cooking station to pan fry the pudding she'd brought -- which honestly looked like a sausage.

"I know, right?" Haruki grinned as Noburu continued to play with the 'sparkly'. "It's made him so much easier to deal with!"

"This won't work forever," Noburu said, serene, as he gazed into his sparkly. "And when it runs its course I will have my vengeance upon you."

Haruki responded by producing a marble out of his pocket and leading Noburu away with the new 'sparkly'.

Team Raiga sat down for lunch together. White rice, blood pudding, and boiled apple dumplings. It made the aches and pains of training fade into the background. "The pumping will be finished later tonight," Raiga said as he poked the blood pudding with his chopsticks and eventually took a bite. Not at all unpleasant. Gruesome, but tasty. "Tomorrow, former medical director Ruan and I will be using our summons to set up the elevator and ramps we'll use to get into the village proper -- while teams dig down to the argri-dome to set up the pumps there."

"Raiga-sensei uses ant summons," Haruki explained to Junko. "I remember Tokimi -- a fire ant who helped with welding during a construction project we did before… yeah."

"And Tsunami," Noburu muttered, "a coastal ant who helped me with setting stonework for a foundation."

Raiga nodded. "They'll be there to help. As well as Suzume's ninja rats." He took a bite of rice along with the pudding. "Shark and eel summons won't be of much use in construction -- so the Hoshigaki and Hozuki get to take a well-deserved rest."

"Ooh!" Junko rose partially from her seat and waved her hand like she was in class. When Raiga pointed his chopsticks at her, she did a fist-pump as if she had been competing with others on who would get to speak. "My family has an heirloom contract we can use to help out! Rabbit summons!"

"Yes!" Raiga said with clear enthusiasm. "Rabbits can help with the digging!"

"Knowing you the way I do," Haruki said to Junko with a side-eyed look, "these rabbits are probably fully carnivorous and have the ability to turn their ears into lobsters or something."

Junko tilted her head. "We… all have access to the transformation jutsu. If we're good enough with it, we can all have lobster ears. That's not exactly a useful power, if everyone can do it…."

Haruki was promptly cut off from a retort when Noburu's lobster ear pinched him on the nose.

"See! Noburu knows what I'm talking about!"

Raiga couldn't hold it in anymore, and laughed like he hadn't in years. He laughed so much he slapped the table, until he could hardly breathe.

Though the world would rain hell on them eventually, right then and there they were happy.

--

Rebellious Monk Kousuke

He cracked one eye open and saw the three Sannin standing before him. Not unexpected, given they were ninja. He just didn't think they'd be so foolishly direct. The monk closed his eye again, an intentional slight against the legendary ninja.

"What is it this time, Orochimaru?"

He was in a pose of meditation while his fellow monks from the Water Temple lay sleeping. They had not yet mastered harmony and focus to where their bodies could be at rest in all configurations.

"Orochimaru tells us your seal is broken," the other male Sannin, Jiraiya commented with one hand on his hip. "We're hoping you'd tell us how you're keeping the six-tails contained if that's the case."

"Saiken chooses to stay." Kousuke shrugged.

"You can't expect us to believe that."

"Of course I can. For one simple reason -- I have no reason to lie to you." Kousuke opened his eyes just a sliver and looked at them with an arched brow. "Satisfied?"

"You might have no reason to lie, but what about the six-tails?" Jiraiya's eyes narrowed. He wanted Kousuke's attention on him so Orochimaru's summons could sneak up on him, and Tsunade analyze him for a punch. Ninja were quite stealthy against each other, samurai, or a lay person. But to a student of harmony and focus -- they were ever so slightly obvious with their intention.

Saiken came in response to the accusation, and spoke through Kousuke's lips. "Alla you, humans, you ain't got nothin' I want. Yeah? Got a job to be doin', and you just be makin' it harder. Feh!" Saiken flicked Kousuke's hand dismissively.

Kousuke was in control again, and arched his brow once more. "Done?"

Things happened rapidly after that. The ninja moved, the monk moved, a faint gust of air moved across the sleeping monks but did not wake them.

Kousuke's staff rang out as it struck Jiraiya in the head and sent him flying out of the tent. Orochimaru's snakes lashed out and were calmly knocked unconscious with two flicks to their noses. Tsunade lashed out with her legendary strength and Kousuke caught her fist in his palm. She looked surprised, but that surprise turned to shock as Kousuke constricted his hand around her fist to the point where all could hear the bones dislocate. She too was driven from the tent, by way of a staff blow to her forehead.

Orochimaru wove chakra into a genjutsu to try and snare Kousuke that way. Saiken threaded his chakra through the monk's system and broke it as easily as breathing. This clearly surprised the snake Sannin as he was off-guard when Kousuke blew a bubble in his mouth and ejected it at Orochimaru. The bubble struck him in the nose, made him recoil, then burst and sent a wave of pressurized air which physically expelled the ninja. The gust threw one of the blankets off a sleeping monk, so Kousuke bent to put it back before she woke.

When he stepped out of the tent, into the gentle snowfall, the Sannin had recovered. Jiraiya had bits of rock in his hair, and a nearby boulder had a dent in it. Tsunade's hand was red, but it looked like she'd regained its use. There was a minor burn across Orochimaru's nose, but he seemed more annoyed than in pain.

"Is this how it's going to be with you Konoha ninja?" Kousuke asked calmly, and moved his hat into position. A precaution against any visual genjutsu they tried -- Saiken shouldn't have to do all the work on that front. "Attempting to use violence to change an answer you don't like?"

"The six-tails speaks through you," Jiraiya said with an annoyed growl. "You've damaged the seal somehow and don't see the danger you're putting other people in when it escapes."

"Funny. Here I thought he would escape when I finished my rebellion, or when I threw myself into combat against Kiri's armies all alone, or when the village he hated was laid low." Kousuke calmly counted his points off on his fingers. "He doesn't need to escape -- he can leave whenever he wishes." Kousuke focused on Orochimaru. "Have you even spoken to Noburu about this? He and Isobu have a plan for when he dies -- to stop Madara Uchiha's goal of enslaving the whole world."

Jiraiya's eyes glanced at Orochimaru, as did Tsunade's. The former's with mild interest, and the latter's outright confusion.

"Have you told Princess Tsunade that her grandfather's enemy still lives, has stolen and profaned the First Hokage's corpse, or his plans?" Kousuke shook his head. "Noburu can tell you everything. Go speak to him about it."

"You two have some explaining to do when this is over," Tsunade hissed moments before she charged.

"Talk later, fight now," Jiraiya hissed back before he likewise did so.

Kousuke rolled his eyes and tapped the base of his staff into the ground. "Yin-Yang Release: …" he spoke as the rings clanged in increasing frequency and volume. Time seemed to slow. "Everything is Nothing." The ninja were slowed. Birds that remained in Wave's trees were slowed. The snowfall slowed to a crawl. Kousuke calmly moved while the ninja slowly travelled through the air. The three in front of him were obvious shadow clones -- he dispelled them with a quick jab in each direction. The Orochimaru clone's eyes widened as he seemed to follow Kousuke's movements for a second before he too was dispelled.

He waited in place and felt the ground shift underneath his feet slightly. Kousuke reached down and thrust his hand through the dirt as it erupted upwards. He pulled the Toad Sage, once confident in his surprise, out of the soil and tossed him in the air. The man's face was still in the transition to surprise while Kousuke let him go. Slowly, he rose through the air as momentum decreed.

"Yin-Yang Release: Part the Sea." Kousuke stilled the storm inside himself and could see an orb of purple energy within Jiraiya. Chakra, the combination of physical and spiritual energy. Quick in the slowed-down world, Kousuke delivered three blows to the Sannin's chest. Ripples of his chakra spread through Jiraiya's body and while Kousuke looked the mass of chakra within the sage split into blue and red in a yin-yang pattern.

Jiraiya was out of the fight. The world began to speed up ever so slightly.

Tsunade had been in the air the whole time -- a pincer attack to strike Kousuke while Jiraiya held him fast. Kousuke blew a bubble and used it to encase Tsunade's punching fist, and stepped aside. When she punched down onto a bubble, it burst -- acid burns surrounded her hand and made her face contort in pain for a brief moment. "Yin-Yang Release: Part the Sea." Tsunade found herself struck as Jiraiya had been, and her purple chakra split into red and blue. Two down, one to go.

The world began to speed up ever so slightly.

Snakes burst from the ground and lashed out with fangs bared. And then they found themselves knocked unconscious on the ground with many a flick to their noses. The ground began to rumble, like a sound that tunneled toward Kousuke's tent, and the sleeping monks inside.

A powerful stomp cracked the stone and soil, and sent a foot's worth of displaced earth down like a spear to strike the digger, and dispel the shadow clone that had hoped to take hostages. With the clone broken, Orochimaru emerged from the earth -- his mouth agape and full of snakes to bite at Kousuke with.

"Yin Release: Glimpse of Shangri-La." Kousuke thrust the ring-laden head of his staff through the mass of snakes, and struck Orochimaru in the head gently. With time slowed, the ringing from the shakujo's hoops echoed ominously as they picked up speed and intensity. A blinding light shone from the holy instrument, which lit up the Konoha symbol on Orochimaru's headband and made his eyes shine with the same. The snakes left Orochimaru's mouth as time returned to normal. The Sannin fell to the ground, and laid limp on his side -- his eyes wide, and streaming tears. "Yin-Yang Release: Part the Sea." Orochimaru flinched when Kousuke struck him, and split the purple chakra into red and blue.

With all three Sannin incapacitated, Kousuke tilted his hat back and regarded them. Jiraiya seemed the most able to move, with Tsunade distracted with her injured hands. Orochimaru had yet to recover from his vision of absolute happiness.

Tsunade forced her injured hands to make seals, but nothing came of it. "My chakra… I can't use it."

"No, you can't." Kousuke calmly replied and walked around them. He made sure to tap his staff on the ground regularly, that the ninja could flinch when they heard it. "A technique Noburu helped me develop. His insight into the infinite cosmos is… inspiring. I've split your chakra back into physical and spiritual energy, which needs to recombine before you can do anything with it. Given how much the three of you had… I'd estimate a timeframe of nineteen days." The monk smiled. "You three look like you have some talks you need to have, so I'm going to let you go. This time. Don't try this again." With that, he flicked his free hand in a 'shoo' gesture, then returned to his tent.

--

Genin Fujimoto

"Princess, wake up." Noburu muttered as he shook Haruki awake.

The boy sat up from his cot and pulled his peacock-patterned eye mask up to glare. It was clear from the lack of sunlight that it was earlier than they'd planned for either of them to be up. "What the hell are you waking me up for?" He snarled, and glared at his teammate. "It's not even morning yet."

"Technically any time past four a-m is morning," Noburu said with his pointer finger up. The genin sighed and pulled his pajama hat off. "But we have surprise guests. And I need you there so I don't laugh at them."

"We can hear you, brat," a man's voice groused from the main room.

Noburu glared daggers at the voice, and sighed again. "I'd appreciate your help."

"Who are they?" Haruki asked as he got out of bed and fished for clean clothes out of his luggage. Noburu did the same, so the boys were occupied getting dressed for a couple minutes.

"The Sannin." Noburu mentioned it like it was a huge hassle. "They picked a fight with Kousuke and lost hardcore."

"We can still hear you, brat!" The man's voice said again, more annoyed.

"Good, maybe you'll reflect on your bad decisions!" Noburu shook his head when Haruki looked at him questioningly. "I don't know why they fought -- just that they did, and Kousuke won."

"The Sannin are in there," Haruki asked in a whisper. He pointed, and almost forgot to turn his shirt around the correct direction when Noburu nodded. "You can't be talking like that to the Sannin!"

"Why not? They can't do nothing about it for a couple weeks -- since all of them fucked around and found out." Noburu started putting on his leg-warmers and all but shouted: "And if they think they want to start something after -- I can tell Tsunade what's on page thirty-one of Icha-Icha number two, and that Orochimaru knew about it but didn't tell her!"

When Haruki and Noburu entered the main room, Akami was furiously cooking in the kitchen and the three legendary Sannin sat at the table. The toad sage Jiraiya, Princess Tsunade of the Leaf, and Noburu's uncle -- Orochimaru. The men were looking at Tsunade with terror -- Jiraiya more visibly than Orochimaru, while Tsunade had a serious expression fixed on Noburu.

Haruki sat at an empty chair, and watched as Noburu walked around to Tsunade and began to apply medical chakra to her hands.

"Page thirty-one, you said?" Tsunade softly asked Haruki's teammate. When he nodded, she nodded too, and glared at the men. "And… if I were to find out what was on page thirty-one of…."

"Icha-Icha number two," Noburu clarified.

"Thank you. What do you think my reaction would be?"

Noburu paused in his healing to make another handsign. With a cloud of smoke, a shadow clone stoof behind him, and promptly transformed into a small box with a sort of grille on the front which sat on the table. Noburu pressed a button on it, and went back to healing.

"Well," Tsunade's voice, breathless, spoke from the box. "I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I don't remember a thing." Her voice turned coy, and began to shift toward enraged with the next sentence. "It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, that I even knew they were dead! They had it coming~"

A musical number had appeared to be about to start before Haruki leaned across and tapped the same button Noburu had hit to make the sounds start. They didn't want to make the neighbors mad from loud music before dawn.

Tsunade clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and glared daggers at her teammates. "Good to know, good to know."

"Yep," Jiraiya said to Orochimaru and tried to make his neck vanish into his torso. "Definitely related to you. Knows how to twist a knife, he does."

"You brought this on us," Orochimaru muttered in reply. "You and your lack of decency."

Haruki noticed that the man had a burn mark on his nose, and tapped Noburu's clone box then pointed it out.

The clone sighed, and returned to its humanoid shape before it walked over and began to heal his uncle's nose.

"And you didn't tell your teammate," Akami said and pointed a ladle at Orochimaru. "That makes you at fault too." She seemed irate to have been woken up so early from how angrily she made what appeared to be egg-fried rice. Haruki was sure it would be angrily delicious.

Orochimaru sighed, but didn't counter the point. "Noburu, Kousuke… his seal is damaged."

"Not damaged, removed," Noburu clarified. "I know already. That's good, it's a sign of trust between jinchuuriki and bijuu. It's an important milestone in becoming a perfect jinchuuriki."

Jiraiya made a face. "What? Do you have any idea what you're talking about?" He sounded genuinely insulted.

"Mom? Wooden spoon?" Noburu caught the wooden spoon Akami tossed to him and promptly cracked Jiraiya on the knuckles with it. "Which one of us got Kurama to sleep through the transfer where you had them nailed to a goddamn iron ball?!" Noburu all but roared and pointed the spoon like a weapon at Jiraiya. "Was it you?! No? Then yes -- I know what I'm talking about!"

While Jiraiya glared and rubbed his abused hand, Tsunade arched a brow and turned to face Orochimaru. "Yep. Definitely related to you."

"So," Haruki said, a bit afraid to speak in the situation where three legendary ninja would remember his face. "Um. What brings you here in the early morning?"

Tsunade was the one to answer him. "Kousuke told us we might want to talk to you… after our encounter with him." She looked down at Noburu. "And I'd really like to know how Madara Uchiha is alive, and how exactly he profaned my grandfather's body."

Noburu sighed and resumed his healing of the Princess' hands. "Alright well…"

Haruki knew what was about to happen, and clapped his hands to his ears while Noburu told Tsunade the answer to her question.

"... He stitched my grandfather's face onto his what?!"

---

He had it coming! (He had it coming!) He had it coming! (He had it coming!)

He only had himself to blame! (Himself to blame!)

If you'd have been there! (If you'd have been there!) If you'd have seen it! (If you'd have seen it!)

I betcha you would have done the same!
 
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hmmm, technically speaking, would a buddha who rejected the ties of being buddha and returns to the mortal coil be more buddha than buddha?
 
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