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Shirou's Home for Heroic Spirits (F/SN AU)

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Lichte said:
If it were just dealing with the kids, I'd agree with you. But the Archer Husbando Class is more suited for managing the Heroic Spirit already under our care, a task delegated to Illya and Berserker. We don't need someone to bake cookies and shout for them to stop doing things, we need someone suited to tracking down and restraining children-

That sounds wrong, let's try again. We need a Heroic Spirit good at capturing young kids dammit. This isn't working, time to steer into the swerve. We need Bluebeard's advice or assistance.
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"Oooooh?" The wrinkled, pallid thing before you croons, rubbing it's hands together and cackling, "So you wish to seek advice on how to obtain the affections of children?"


"Then you have come to the right place, Master Emiya."

"Um...I'm not thinking that this was such a great idea." You say, before turning away from the Original Zouken. This attempt at sanity is shortlived, as you feel an E-ranked strength grip on your shoulder pinning you in place, slowly turning you back around.

"No, no no no no nonononoononooooooooononooooooon, Master Emiya. I can see that you are in dire need of Bluebeard's assistance. Why, to be surrounded by so many rambunctious tykes must be a draining exercise indeed!"

"WOW, BLUEBEARD! YOU'RE SO FREACKIN' COOOOOOOOOOL!"

"Shush, Ryuunosuke. Now then, Master Emiya, you must first understand that the child is both irrational, and highly emotional."

"I...uh...I knew that?"

"Yes, but what you may not know, is that the best way to us-er, I mean to ki-. Hmm." Caster pauses, tapping his chin thoughtfully, "Aha! The best way to capture children is very straightforward. Why, I myself have a surefire method that would always work one hundred percent of the time!"

Against your better judgement, you gulp, then nod, "What was it?"

"Why, it was simplicity itself! I simply approached the child, and then ask them, like so:"


"Would you like to see a magic trick?"

"...And then what?"

"Why I would make them disappear, of course!" He says, waving his hands around energetically, "Just like magic!"

"MASTER YOU'RE SO FUCKING COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!"

"Right?"

"..." You can't help but feel that you shouldn't use his advice on pure principle, but at this point your grasping at straws. So you shrug, and resolve to give it a shot.

It proves to be stupidly effective.
 
TehChron said:
"Oooooh?" The wrinkled, pallid thing before you croons, rubbing it's hands together and cackling, "So you wish to seek advice on how to obtain the affections of children?"


"Then you have come to the right place, Master Emiya."

"Um...I'm not thinking that this was such a great idea." You say, before turning away from the Original Zouken. This attempt at sanity is shortlived, as you feel an E-ranked strength grip on your shoulder pinning you in place, slowly turning you back around.

"No, no no no no nonononoononooooooooononooooooon, Master Emiya. I can see that you are in dire need of Bluebeard's assistance. Why, to be surrounded by so many rambunctious tykes must be a draining exercise indeed!"

"WOW, BLUEBEARD! YOU'RE SO FREACKIN' COOOOOOOOOOL!"

"Shush, Ryuunosuke. Now then, Master Emiya, you must first understand that the child is both irrational, and highly emotional."

"I...uh...I knew that?"

"Yes, but what you may not know, is that the best way to us-er, I mean to ki-. Hmm." Caster pauses, tapping his chin thoughtfully, "Aha! The best way to capture children is very straightforward. Why, I myself have a surefire method that would always work one hundred percent of the time!"

Against your better judgement, you gulp, then nod, "What was it?"

"Why, it was simplicity itself! I simply approached the child, and then ask them, like so:"


"Would you like to see a magic trick?"

"...And then what?"

"Why I would make them disappear, of course!" He says, waving his hands around energetically, "Just like magic!"

"MASTER YOU'RE SO FUCKING COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!"

"Right?"

"..." You can't help but feel that you shouldn't use his advice on pure principle, but at this point your grasping at straws. So you shrug, and resolve to give it a shot.

It proves to be stupidly effective.
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That you managed to produce this so quickly disturbs me.
 
TehChron said:
...why?

i mean, there's multiple possible reasons that come to mind

but im legitimately curious which ones you chose to go with
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  • You find the 'I'm huntin' childrens' mentality easy enough to get into that it only takes a couple of minutes to produce a piece on someone giving a quick primer on the subject.
  • Or, for some ungodly reason, you already had that written and were waiting for an excuse to post it.
 
Lichte said:
  • You find the 'I'm huntin' childrens' mentality easy enough to get into that it only takes a couple of minutes to produce a piece on someone giving a quick primer on the subject.
  • Or, for some ungodly reason, you already had that written and were waiting for an excuse to post it.
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my mind goes into some weird places onafairlyregularbasissometimes
 
[X] "They're in silver and red armour, and their helmet has horns. We can't figure out anything else."
[X] Saber/Arturia
 
[X] "They're in silver and red armour, and their helmet has horns. We can't figure out anything else."
[X] Saber/Arturia
 
[X] "They're in silver and red armour, and their helmet has horns. We can't figure out anything else."
[X] Assassin/Sasaki

Because Sasaki is kind of a bro-zen guy, and we can get to the trainwreck at any time in the future.
 
[X] "They're in silver and red armour, and their helmet has horns. We can't figure out anything else."
[X] Archer/EMIYA
 
Scathach or Mordred? Hm... One the one hand, Scathach sounds fun, on the other hand, we don't need a more powerful meaner Rin to go with the actual Rin. Mordred and Saber would make for some interesting interactions too.
 
[X] "...You might not want to tell Rider about this one."
[X] Rider/Medusa

Clearly the Eizbern are talking about not telling little Broskander, not Medusa.

What are the chances of the Heroic Spirit being Perseus?
 
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