Also, the name Crixus reminds me of the fact that Spartacus: Blood and Sand is unironically one of several inspirations for this quest. Take that as you will, and expect 71 BC to be...fun.
On some level I already did; Atellus is very likely to be one of the few Romans available who's crazybold enough to step up and take on that slave revolt.

Gobanitio, some random searching turned him up as brother of someone significant (Celtillus) and a rough age-peer.
Okay, that's one groanworthy Asterix reference I won't be needing!

I don't trust random name generators when I don't know what they're using as a basis and can't judge whether the names are plausible by myself. I've been too frustrated with the absurd six-syllable conglomerations they come up with for alien species names.
 
I often mince my words, but not now.

As you stand now, Spartacus would shit fury upon the mangled mess that was once the approximate location of your head, before mounting it on a pike and throwing it at Crassus.

Well yeah, he is definitely Legendary(or even Mythical) in Combat with awesome trait to boot, but we do have a few years before it happen.
 
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I often mince my words, but not now.

As you stand now, Spartacus would shit fury upon the mangled mess that was once the approximate location of your head, before mounting it on a pike and throwing it at Crassus.
I mean yes, naturally, but then, I suspect 18-year-old Crassus would have gotten cut to ribbons as bad or worse than we would. By the time the rebellion happens, I certainly hope Atellus will be Up There in stats to the point where he at least wouldn't completely disgrace himself.

Besides, if there's one thing Gemino's teaching us, it's how to cope when your enemy's personal bonuses are like +5 higher than yours. :p
 
And of course the Catholics render the whole episode Apocryphal for being too crazy, like most else of the accounts of jesus growing up.:V
Hey, man, if you had to read the Gospel of Peter, you'd be a bit leery of all these newfangled gospels springing up in desert caves, too. That one was crazy.

Ah, yes. Just defeat the Parthians.

That's worked out incredibly well for everyone who's tried it. Just ask Marcus Crassus. Or Marc Antony. Or Nero.

Truly, the mightiest and most successful of Romans. :V
Hey, I'll ask you not to downplay Nero's diplomatic success, buckeroo. He may have 'lost' the war over Armenia (though, considering how little he was personally involved with it...), but he did manage to set up peaceful and friendly relations with the Armenians and the Parthians. You can't downplay that. That's a fourth of Rome's border, and the only one with a major state on it, pacified.

And considering Rome went through five emperors in a year after he died, they kinda needed that stability.

Speaking of Julio-Claudians, @Telamon , How does Germanicus stack up?

You know. The guy who reclaimed two of the lost legionary eagles of Teutoburg, deafeated Arminius in pitched battle twice, and peaceably captured the traitor dog's wife and child all while conquering the Low countries for Rome? The guy who let the Julio-Claudians add "Germanicus" into their names? Caligula's dad?
 
You will walk side-by-side with the sun, but never eclipse him, or he will blind you until the three are one.

....I only noticed now, but those are Caesar, Pompey and Crassus no?
....facing the three of them sound fucking terrifying.
 
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Ah, yes. Just defeat the Parthians.

That's worked out incredibly well for everyone who's tried it. Just ask Marcus Crassus. Or Marc Antony. Or Nero.

Truly, the mightiest and most successful of Romans. :V
Defeating the Parthians is possible right now they are fighting the Seculids and consolidating power in Armenia. In 83 they will be busy fighting over Syria. As well as the fact that the king is ten years into his reign at the age of 55.

Crassus invasion was one of the worst and most stupid invasions ever. He deserved the defeat for so much of the time. From what I rembering most of Marc Anthony's victories were by his lieutenant.

Also why are we playing these quest if not to do legendary Feats that will be rembered for all time.
 
Okay, that's one groanworthy Asterix reference I won't be needing!
If you just want another real name, (though I'd guess Romanised), then Wikipedia tells me Luernios then Bituitus were the last kings of the Arverni, it's possible the name was common enough.

Apparantly Bituitus' son Congonnetiacus was (possibly) captured alongside his father in 121BC and (possibly) held with him on Alba, so if you want a grizzled old man who remembers Averni freedom and has an axe to grind against Rome, he may fit.
 
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He...conquered remarkably little. While Caesar had grand plans to conquer Parthia, make his way into the steppes and conquer those, and then finish the victory lap by following the Danube back into Europe and conquering Germany, Augustus realized that Rome was already becoming unwieldy and difficult to manage at it's current territorial extent. He chose to consolidate the gains of Caesar, Pompey, and his predecessors rather than embark on any great wars of conquest. After him, Rome would not expand greatly for well over two hundred years, until Hadrian, whose own conquests were largely reversed by his successors. This was the primary cause of the Pax Romana — Rome stopped it's frankly terrifying expansion and instead started working on creating 'buffer states' of allies to protect it's borders.

That didn't always work too well, but it meant everyone who hadn't yet been conquered could breathe easy — Rome might kill you, slaughter your children, and raze your home, but at least it wouldn't take your land.

Probably.

Maybe.

Well, at least not just yet.


EDIT: I'm not kidding. Had Caesar lived, he planned some truly ridiculous things that would've made him an equal to Alexander for sheer ridiculousness had he succeeded.

I would like to make a minor nitpick, Rome Conquered Britain in 43 AD under the Reign of Emperor Claudius a Mere 29 Years After Augustus' Death. They also conquered Dacia and Mesopotamia under Emperor Trajan in 104 AD some 90 years after Augustus' Death.

To Say that Rome Conquered nothing until Hadrian is patently false. . .
 
Defeating the Parthians is possible right now they are fighting the Seculids and consolidating power in Armenia. In 83 they will be busy fighting over Syria. As well as the fact that the king is ten years into his reign at the age of 55.

Crassus invasion was one of the worst and most stupid invasions ever. He deserved the defeat for so much of the time. From what I rembering most of Marc Anthony's victories were by his lieutenant.

You're thinking of Augustus, there. All his military victories were solely due to Agrippa. Marc Antony, despite being lackluster or outright horrible in almost every stat —including administration, diplomacy, intrigue, and stewardship — had a 17 in Charisma and amazing military scores. The 'New Dionysus' indeed.

And in 83, you will be...20. Good luck convincing the Senate to invade an outhouse, especially after/during a Civil War involving most every person of note alive in Rome.
 
You're thinking of Augustus, there. All his military victories were solely due to Agrippa. Marc Antony, despite being lackluster or outright horrible in almost every stat —including administration, diplomacy, intrigue, and stewardship — had a 17 in Charisma and amazing military scores. The 'New Dionysus' indeed.

And in 83, you will be...20. Good luck convincing the Senate to invade an outhouse, especially after/during a Civil War involving most every person of note alive in Rome.

Not just Agrippa, but Nero Claudius Drusus Germanicus, who avenged Rome's Defeat at Teutoberg Forest by utterly destroying Arminius' Confederation and recapturing the stolen Eagles
 
You're thinking of Augustus, there. All his military victories were solely due to Agrippa. Marc Antony, despite being lackluster or outright horrible in almost every stat —including administration, diplomacy, intrigue, and stewardship — had a 17 in Charisma and amazing military scores. The 'New Dionysus' indeed.

And in 83, you will be...20. Good luck convincing the Senate to invade an outhouse, especially after/during a Civil War involving most every person of note alive in Rome.
Alright than what would we need to do to one day invade? Fund a rebelllion, they fought each other more times than they fought outsiders.
 
Alright than what would we need to do to one day invade? Fund a rebelllion, they fought each other more times than they fought outsiders.

The thing is, because we're basically Sertorius' Protege, we'll likely be swept up into the Sertorian War in the near future. Of course this assumes that Sulla Still defeats Marius and history stays on track.

In History Sulla won that war, but it is possible that our aid might swing the War in Sertorius' Favor.

If that happens, we might have enough pull with the new dictator to get an invasion of Gaul Funded. If we defeat Gaul, we can get the support needed to invade Parthia
 
The thing is, because we're basically Sertorius' Protege, we'll likely be swept up into the Sertorian War in the near future. Of course this assumes that Sulla Still defeats Marius and history stays on track.

In History Sulla won that war, but it is possible that our aid might swing the War in Sertorius' Favor.

If that happens, we might have enough pull with the new dictator to get an invasion of Gaul Funded. If we defeat Gaul, we can get the support needed to invade Parthia
I like your ideas, but we can not plan for anything with both Marius and Sulla being alive. Also whoever wins will end up killing thier political opponents. Also we are in these wierd moderate position with both of our great teachers being opposites of the political spectrum.
 
I also think it's worth noting that Caesar's Invasion of Gaul was something he did on his own Recognizance as Proconsul of Cisalpine Gaul and Gallia Narbonensis. He basically used his Proconsular Forces to stage a pre-emptive invasion of Gaul without the OK of the Senate.

He did this because he needed the Plunder from Gaul to pay off his significant debts. Caesar was spectacularly bad with money. . .
 
I would like to make a minor nitpick, Rome Conquered Britain in 43 AD under the Reign of Emperor Claudius a Mere 29 Years After Augustus' Death. They also conquered Dacia and Mesopotamia under Emperor Trajan in 104 AD some 90 years after Augustus' Death.

To Say that Rome Conquered nothing until Hadrian is patently false. . .

I did mention the British conquest elsewhere, but do notice I said greatly. Rome's rate of conquest slowed immensely after the reign of Augustus, and following emperors largely kept to his strictures. Sure, Trajan conquered, but his conquests were rather rapidly reversed or abandoned by his successors, Hadrian among them.

Not just Agrippa, but Nero Claudius Drusus Germanicus, who avenged Rome's Defeat at Teutoberg Forest by utterly destroying Arminius' Confederation and recapturing the stolen Eagles

Germanicus only began the reversal against the Germans after Augustus' death. He stopped the legions in Gaul from revolting after Augustus died, then led them across the Rhine and recovered the legionary eagles. It's because of this success that led his uncle Tiberius to hate and fear him, and eventually kill him to secure his hold on the Empire.

Alright than what would we need to do to one day invade? Fund a rebelllion, they fought each other more times than they fought outsiders.

You could find a rebellion, but for an invasion of Parthia actually primarily led by yourself, you would need what Caesar had to invade Gaul:

1. Support in the Senate, or enough leverage/power to force it through.

2. Popularity with the people, and conditions that make the people amenable to a long and costly foreign war.

3. A pretext. This is easy enough — Rome, at times, used the diplomatic equivalent of a sneeze in their direction to justify subjugating whole nations. The Roman people love the myth of a 'just war' though, so you will need a causus belli, no matter how flimsy.

4. Legions loyal enough to you personally to be willing to follow you into the graveyard of empires, or a military reputation great enough to command such respect.

5. Money. Caesar had Crassus and ungodly amounts of taxes, as well as atrociously large loans he had no intention of paying off. You need to feed, clothe, and pay the tens of thousands of men necessary to conquer Parthia.

6. Luck. Unlike Caesar, you will not be invading a bunch of divided tribes with deepseated rivalries that can be turned against each other, but a unified state with a semi-professional army capable of far better communication and cooperation than the Gauls. Caesar nearly lost when the Gauls rallied under a King — you will be facing a unified Persia from the start.

7. Time. It took Caesar a long time to conquer Gaul, and Persia is twice the size. You can just about multiply all the other requirements by two or three to account for the fact that you will be spending years, likely decades, away from your powerbase and allies.

Like I said, it is no easy thing to subdue Persia. It has never been.
 
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If you just want another real name, (though I'd guess Romanised), then Wikipedia tells me Luernios then Bituitus were the last kings of the Arverni, it's possible the name was common enough.

Apparantly Bituitus' son Congonnetiacus was (possibly) captured alongside his father in 121BC and (possibly) held with him on Alba, so if you want a grizzled old man who remembers Averni freedom and has an axe to grind against Rome, he may fit.
I'm good. I've got a name for the Gaul who won the horse race, and (from another source I dug up on my own) I've got a name for the Gaul who really, really ought to stay out of Intrigue contests.
 
He...conquered remarkably little. While Caesar had grand plans to conquer Parthia, make his way into the steppes and conquer those, and then finish the victory lap by following the Danube back into Europe and conquering Germany, Augustus realized that Rome was already becoming unwieldy and difficult to manage at it's current territorial extent. He chose to consolidate the gains of Caesar, Pompey, and his predecessors rather than embark on any great wars of conquest. After him, Rome would not expand greatly for well over two hundred years, until Hadrian, whose own conquests were largely reversed by his successors. This was the primary cause of the Pax Romana — Rome stopped it's frankly terrifying expansion and instead started working on creating 'buffer states' of allies to protect it's borders.
I think you mean Trajan, not Hadrian.


Ah, yes. Just defeat the Parthians.

That's worked out incredibly well for everyone who's tried it. Just ask Marcus Crassus. Or Marc Antony. Or Nero.

Truly, the mightiest and most successful of Romans. :V
I counter those mediocre to ok military leaders with Trajan and Septimus Severus lol. And I think Caesar would have been more than capable of defeating Parthia.

So all we have to do is be the equal of Caesar and Parthia is ours. . . .
 
Again, I don't want to conquer Persia, just break of Mesopotamia as a client kingdom. Possibly look into going south through Egypt to Yemen, and onto Indian trade.... The wealth of the Orient beckons.
 
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