Reach Da Stars Through Hurtin' Stuff - Ork "Civilisation" Quest

[EarthScorpion]

Tempers had flared in the camp as the followers of Zorbag and Nasha got in each other's faces, swore a lot, and generally postured. The instrumental moment in the formation of a hierarchical proto-state, however, occurred when Zorbag dug a big pit near where Nasha usually relieved himself in the morning, filled it with snakes that he'd caught, and then covered it in leaves. When Nasha shuffled out one morning with a full bladder, he promptly fell down the pit and was so badly bitten that by the time one of his boyz helped pull him out, his arms were so swollen and inflamed that they looked like balloons.

This made him the target of much mockery and ribald laughter, and the wavering boyz decided that they just couldn't take someone seriously when he couldn't even pick up a spear.

To general acclaim, reinforced by the fear of others who were worried there might be more snake pits waiting for them when they went to piss in the morning, Zorbag was proclaimed to be the biggest and 'ardest ork in the Blue Flash Tribe. And - it is said - he grew three inches that day.

With a crude hierarchy in place, the Blue Flash Tribe survived the winter with only minimal cannibalism. And they didn't even need to eat each other; they just did it for fun. With both fire and a regular supply of both trapped animals and grots, the radical innovations of this crude tribe of orks meant that life was vastly better than it had been back when they set out for the swamp. Better yet, as the snow started to melt, under the layers of whiteness they found the first new one of the boyz, pulled hollering from the hollow under a rotten tree stump he'd grown in.

He was promptly taken before Zorbag, sitting upon his throne of— well, it was mostly rocks, but in fairness he'd covered it with some wild boar skins so it was at least slightly more comfortable. He had his sacred smasha stick resting against the throne, a wooden club with a lump from the sacred pit on the end. A snaggle-toothed black bird perched on the back, its beady eyes locked on the newcomer; from wooden cages snakes hissed. As he took the new ork in, Zorbag casually reached into one of the cakes and pulled out a snake, biting its head off thoughtfully while tossing the body to his crow.

"Oi, fanks boss, you're da best," said the crow, swallowing the body whole. The crows had taken well to orkish as a language. "Wotcha thinking, mate?"

"I fink," Zorbag said, brow creasing with the weight of leadership and more importantly the burden of cognition, "if da snow is meltin', dat means…"

"What does it mean?" the crow asked, after Zorbag trailed away.

"It mean the snow ain't gonna be here anymore."

"... yeah?"

"Nah, ya burd. Get it? Dere's gonna be more boyz bein' found if the snow is meltin'."

"Yeah?"

"Wot if them boyz don't fink I'm da boss? Dat git Nasha might try something."

"Wotcha gonna do, boss?"

Article:

The Trials of Leadership

What does Zorbag do to try to reinforce his grip on power?
[ ] Big festival in honour of the Blue and the secret of fire. More food an' the blessing of the Blue will show everyone Zorbag's the best.
[ ] Find the biggest snake in the forest and kill it. You gotta respect Zorbag if he goes an' traps an' kills one of dem snakes that's as tall as a tree.
[ ] Go pick a fight with some of the boyz that didn't follow them to the swamp. Orks iz always up for a brawl so they won't question him if they're fightin' others.

 

[EarthScorpion]

One cold late-winter morning where the ice was still crackling on the surface of the swamp, the Big Ork Zorbag crawled through the undergrowth accompanied by a few of his most loyal fellow trappas. They had seen a giant snake sleeping curled up in the ruins of an old factory near their camp, and his logic was clear; it was necessary for him to kill a zoggin' big snake so that the boyz would respect his authority.

The old growth swayed in the wind, icicles falling like knife-rain as they broke from the boughs. The breath of the orks steamed in the air. This was the plan; sneak up on the giant snake when it was asleep, hit it over the head with rocks and stab it with sharp sticks, and then they'd have showed it good.

The giant irradiated snake, Serpentes irradicus gigantes, continues to grow throughout its life, which can reach multiple centuries. As a result, within the squalid polluted swamp that the orks had made their home in, these snakes were the apex predator and just kept on getting bigger.

"Oi, Zorbag, are you sure dat hitting it over the head will kill it?" asked one of his underlings.

"Nah, I'z too kunning for that." Zorbag hefted the weapon he'd brought with him, a viciously barbed spear. "That's why I'z going for the eyes. You gitz back off. This is my kill."

Sneaking up, spear held in both hands, eyes gleaming red with kunning brutality - or possibly brutal kunning - Zorbag got close. And then he struck.

Unfortunately for the Blue Flash Tribe and Zorbag in particular, the weakness of the orkish brain had made a catastrophic mistake in failing to understand that the snake was in fact in the distance. And — though this didn't seem entirely natural to the orks — the fact that it was further away meant that it looked smaller than it was when one was up close. While the snake was in no way happy about being stabbed in the eyelid by a spear, it didn't even successfully blind it.

Zorbag, first Big Ork of the Blue Flash Tribe, was promptly eaten by the giant snake, which without noticing then rampaged over the top of the ork's village, crushed all their ramshackle huts, and crushed a bunch of orks.

As the orks pulled themselves out of the ruins, they considered what had just happened.

"Dat Zorbag."

"Yeah?"

"He was a zoggin' cool ork. Dat's how I wanna go!"

"Being eaten by a giant snake?"

"Yeah! Exactly! Fink about it." The ork's thick brow creased with the pressure of attempted cognition. "If you get killed by sumfing that's all huge and dead killy, that's like… that's like the world sayin' that it gotta send a huge snake what are as tall as the trees to kill you." He thumped his chest. "Dat's respect, dat's what it is."

"Huh." His companion nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. And if it took dat huge snake to kill ol' Zorbag, he must have been well 'ard."

"Now you're gettin' it."

"Fing is…"

"Yeah?"

"Where do you think Zorbag went?"

"After the snake ate him?"

"Yeah."

"Into the snake."

"Yeah, but… like. That's where his body went. All dat meat and bones and stuff. But that stuff don't talk, right?"

"'Cause it's dead? No, it don't."

"So, if the bit what the snake ate ain't the bit what does the talking and stuff, where did that go?"

That opinion caused widespread mutual frowning, because philosophy was not an orkish area of skill even during good times. "Shut the zog up, ya git," one of the other orks opined, and hit the overly abstract one over the head. "Zorbag's dead, but the big snake showed us all that he had the right idea. So the next big ork oughta be the one who hunts and kills the biggest thing in the swamp."

This was acclaimed by general consensus as a solid, well-grounded principle for leadership, on multiple levels. Not only was killing some big thing a sign that the ork was well 'ard, but also all the other boyz could eat the meat.

And when it was done, Kublan the Trappa had caught a whole family of giant wild boars in his pit lined with spiky sticks. It hadn't killed the boars who had been large and angry, but he throw rocks at them until they died. Over a large celebratory feast of wild boar meat, he was acclaimed the new Big Ork.

And his first degree was they needed some kinda memorial thing so everyone could look at it and go 'remember the time dat Zorbag got krumped by a giant snake and it was zoggin' cool'.

But the subject of the following brawl was what the memorial should entail.

Article:

What is chosen to memorialise Zorbag?
[ ] Sacrifice Lotsa Stuff To The Pit. To honour Zorbag and how good he was at hunting, clearly they need to hunt a bunch of animals (maybe somewhat smaller than that snake) and throw them into the glowing pit. That way, Zorbag's luck will pass to them.
[ ] Kill Stuff And Make A Big Pile of Bones Shaped Like A Snake. The orks agree; that snake was zoggin' cool. Bones are also shaped like snakes. Therefore, if they make a pile of bones shaped like a snake, that's like doubly-snake-like and they might get the snake's powers.
[ ] Pile Some Rocks Up In A Vaguely Orkish Shape. Maybe if they get rocks and bits of fallen masonry from the ruined factory and pile them up into a shape, that'll be like Zorbag is still watching over them.