Jessica grunted as she managed to open the door while balancing the pizzas. Which existed here.
Stuffed crust was a bit odd though… Instead of a ring of cheese baked into the edge, the entire dough got a thin layer embedded in the middle like a calzone, with a grid missing so that many tiny cheese packets were formed to preserve structural integrity.
Should still taste fine, even if it seemed REALLY unhealthy to eat. "John? Can you help me with these? Just put them on the table."
A smaller body somehow lifted the stack with ease, which made it easier for her to shift the bags of drinks and supplies to her other arms. "Thanks little man, the guy at the shop was nice enough to give me a ride when he was delivering but he had to… Why are you smaller?"
John blinked from his new, shorter height. "Huh?"
She narrowed her eyes. "You shrank. Why."
The child shrugged. "I got bored, healing was going to take a long time, and I tried to find a work around. Turns out, it is faster to repair yourself if you have less material to worry about!"
Placing the bags to the side, she crouched down and checked him, the boy happy enough to let her turn him and make sure no blood was oozing or anything. "So you decided to shrink?"
John shook his head. "No, body modification is expensive. I just got younger. I'm eight now."
What? "I'm sorry?"
He smiled! "Oh, you don't have to apologize! Besides, you brought pizza. I haven't had pizza yet."
She held back a wince. "That is because we only recently found out you can eat raw nuclear material without issue, we were worried about introducing too many new foods to you before we could make sure they were safe. I had friends with species allergies that could kill them if they ate tomatoes, for example…"
Wait, no. "Anyway, what do you mean you are eight years old now?"
John Doe shrugged. "My age is complicated. My Soul is very VERY old, my Mind has been broken and reborn a lot, and my body was rebuilt a few weeks ago a few times… But uh, if I was compared to other males on this planet, my age would be around 8 years old. At least, now it is."
Huh. "You can control your age?"
He was now opening bags and moving the soda bottles to the table with the paper plates and plastic cutlery. "I mean, sort of? It's mostly DNA manipulation though, so if I use it on other people they won't have calluses or reflexes or scars or stuff once I revert them a bit. Also you people need a brain to remember stuff, so that could be an issue if I tried to just make you younger or whatever."
Her body moved on autopilot as she served him some slices and poured drinks. "So you don't need a brain?"
John grinned at the growing mound of pizza slices on his plate. "I mean, I use it, sure… But all that stuff is documented and stored and backed up Conceptually somehow. It's why I still remember Agent G. Who-Isn't-A-Giraffe when he tried to do that flashing stick thing to me. When I get a new body or brain, I just update it with what it should know."
Dang. That sounded VERY useful. "So no eternal youth for me, I guess."
The boy didn't respond, too busy eating. Or uh… 'eating', since he only chewed half the time and kept gnawing on random bars of metal and stuff between slices. She'd seen a Clexian once absorb a hotdog without knowing that chewing was common, and this was sort of like an exaggerated version of that.
It was horrific and fascinating at the same time.
Jessica absently took a bite of her pepperoni and onion slice and… Oh.
Oh wow. "This is amazing."
Too much cheese would cause dough to create bubbles as water and stuff steamed off, but somehow they had managed to heavily restrict that issue. Some sort of pre-topping paninne pressing device maybe?
Careful observation showed that there WERE crispy marks on the top surface under the cheese and sauce, even if it softened after soaking up the flavor. Damn, this was quality stuff. "I feel like I should have paid more… Or that I got a better discount than I expected."
The girl had been cute, but she had kept flirting to a minimum… Or at least she THOUGHT she had. Or maybe food was just really cheap here? Either way, thank goodness she had left a huge tip.
They would have to order this again. Rarely.
No way was this much cheese a healthy option for a balanced breakfast. If John didn't randomly consume toxic metals and dangerous materials for snacks, he'd probably have issues too.
She blinked as the shorter child pushed a packet over. "Try using the Ranch-Cheddar dip, it matches great with this stuff!"
Jessica looked at the unholy combination of fast food and warm dip…
And it was good.
~~~Pocket System~~~
Major Francis Monogram sighed as he reviewed the information.
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz was NOT responsible for the recent sensor blip despite it being within his territory of the Tri-State area. Nor was Dr. Gram Hornswood or Dr. Weathy Betherspy.
If this was due to ANOTHER evil scientist, they would need to ask for funding increases. Again.
He sipped while scrolling down to… Ugh. "Carl, refresh my coffee."
Ignoring the 'On it, sir!' in the background, he reviewed the weekly collection reports. The various 'inator' devices created by these whacko's should have SOMETHING that could help boost their funding for another quarter.
Although it was a bit like playing the lottery. Everyone kept searching for the next 'Automatic-Paperwork-Complete-Inator', even if most of the time you got a Deflate-Inator or Make-Up-Your-Mind-Inator instead.
Still, even odd creations could be turned into something useful after reviewing the data collected from the various animal Agents and their infiltration Fedoras. That Age Accelerator-inator might have been designed for cheese aging, but it had been surprisingly profitable when applied to wine maturation and compost decomposition.
Sure, they had hoped that the thing would accelerate tree and crop growth, but those had caused issues. The trees would outgrow the roots that needed to support them and warp due to odd interactions with the aging field during application while the smaller crops had too easily died from infection or lack of resources or… Sigh.
Point is, accelerated time was good for non-living, non-growing targets. Or at least ones that could be fully self contained, like those gardens in a bottle. Not to mention something about living creatures caused the effect to not properly be maintained… The 'Old Age' effect was purely a visual effect, not actually causing organ failure or whatnot. Thank goodness.
With a sigh, he marked a few interesting devices for review and submission. After it passed through the approval process (And various odd idiosyncrasies like self-destruct buttons and such were removed), they would be patented and Dr. Doofenshmirtz's annual licensing fees would increase.
It was a bit of a cycle… The Government ensured their animal Agents would prevent any random 'evil scientist' didn't successfully transform buildings into jam or something, the scientist's inventions would be documented and researched, potentially generating new equipment for agents or the world at large, while the generated profit from all that would be distributed between the government manufacturers and the 'evil scientist' themself.
It was why conventions like Evil-Con were tolerated every year, the cutting edge of science seemed dull compared to the impossible leaps of not-even-a-little-logic these crazy creators could whip up.
However, with benefits like the ones that helped create the animal Agents in the first place and ensured they were properly equipped for their work, there came responsibilities. "Carl, get Agent P. on the case. A powerful energy signal like this needs to be investigated… Who KNOWS what kind of sinister plot might be a foot!"
He ignored the 'On it, Sir!' again and frowned "And where is that coffee!?"
Carl came in with a tray covered in cups. "Right here sir!"
Oh. He was supplying most of the office.
Good job, Carl. Best intern in years! He took his cup, clearly marked as it was his reserve mug. "Carry on."
Mmm. That Coffee-inator was worth all the headache and near apocalyptic scenarios.
Good stuff.
~~~Pocket System~~~
John kicked his feet (With new shoes! Because getting younger makes all your clothing fit weird.) and watched Jessica do something with some paper. Code words, some sheets pinned to the wall, string of several colors connecting sections to other areas.
It was very artistic.
Confusing, but he felt it had a sense of purpose! Neat! "So what is it?"
Jessica pointed. "A mess."
Huh?
She poked the notes. "This world is simultaneously too advanced and yet unchanged from the Earth I know. Impossible things can be acquired easily, yet most of the place doesn't seem to take advantage of it… No flying car taxis or virtual reality simulators or whatever. But anyone who wants to put in some effort can purchase a clothing-ray gun or commission a cow cannon or something."
Her frown deepened. "More than that, it was FAR too easy for me to set us up. In less than a full day I got licenses, a history, bank accounts, retirement funds, a job history… And there are some HUGE money pots out there reserved for some unusual stuff. Billions of dollars just marked as 'Summer Funds', for example."
Jessica moved the documents a bit to move something forward. "It should collapse. Society itself should have harvested all this free cash and stolen it away, I know politicians at home would have in a heartbeat. But no! It just… Gets used when needed, as intended. As if corruption is impossible or something."
His Pocket System began scrolling information 'borrowed' from the free internet access. "My senses say that some basic aspects of reality have been modified pretty extensively in the past. Plus time travel happens here, and that can cause all kinds of strange stuff to pop up… Especially with future people messing with themselves in the past. That… That happens a LOT."
Thankfully Jessica had progressed from the frustrating 'How do you know things!?' part of the day, so she took the new information in stride. "Right, that would explain how complicated the patent system is here… Whole sections to prevent you from robbing yourself and stuff."
An idle thought about grabbing Spike's future or past 'brother'...
[[Time manipulation locked down due to recovery.]]
Party pooper. "Oh, good news by the way! I've recovered enough that I no longer hemorrhage lifespan! I'll be fully recovered physically in a week or two, if nothing dangerous pops up."
She froze. "Was… Was that an issue for you? Were you that hurt?"
Uh. "Not anymore? Besides, I needed to grab your clothing and stuff!"
Jessica winced. "Ah… Yes, being nude would have made things harder." Her eyes flickered to the pizza. "Or easier. Still, I can make do if something like that happens again, alright? Don't hurt yourself just to get me the best outfit or something."
Meh, he had been doing fine!
Even found a version of her casual clothing just floating out there, being consumed by the Abyss, before his brain fractured! And she needed some pants, so it was all worth it. Stupid Pocket System locking him down just for a few minor issues.
[[HOST had drastic fractures and was rapidly losing blood pressure…]]
But it was needed! It was an emergency!
[[HOST exceeded required levels of emergency operations for illogical and emotional…]]
Look, sure maybe he should have stopped pulling stuff from reality's Pocket after grabbing her some pants and a shirt, but you need socks and underwear for health reasons and…
[[HOST ignored repeated warnings and emergency protocols when…]]
This is because he made sure to grab her sunglasses, isn't it?
[[...]]
Look, she's a (Non-animal) Agent! You saw Agent G, you don't count as an Agent without your awesome shades! It would be like being an Agent HERE without your fedora!
[[HOST's access to Abyssal Storage will remain under Lockdown until further notice.]]
BOO! Don't be a buzzkill! Spike, tell System not to be a buzzkill!
His Pocket pinecone said nothing, but in a very convincing way!
[[...HOST is encouraged to recover fully before further damage is accrued. Access to restricted units and abilities remains under Lockdown until further notice.]]
Aww. Lame.
