Peccata Patris, Filius Redentor [NGE]

[Heavy Fuel]

It's not the anime that makes money, it the merchandise. Gainax alone is a merchandising juggernaut.

Which brings up the question: Does an Evangelion anime exist in this AU?*

And did they base the character design for Nadia off the real Shinji Ikari?


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*So far we have evidence that Appleseed, Big O, and what sounds like Sailor Moon exist.

Edit: Also Gundam.

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As soon as I halfway through this latest chapter this came to mind:


The coloring book made me wonder-might we see an Eligor based on Optimus Prime? Robocop, a Gumdam, A Valkrie and Prime kicking Angel ass together would be insane.

 

[M. H. Fuzzball]

As soon as I halfway through this latest chapter this came to mind:


The coloring book made me wonder-might we see an Eligor based on Optimus Prime? Robocop, a Gumdam, A Valkrie and Prime kicking Angel ass together would be insane.

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I was thinking the same thing. As for other forms for NERV Mecha, only the ACP-01 is called 'Eligor', and the picture of the EX-00 that the Marshal posted earlier bears a strong resemblance to one Heero Yuy's first ride.

 

[Betatrack]

urine-yellow glow

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PFFT, HAHAHAHA! This made me laugh way harder than it should have.

How the hell...even SEELE couldn't buy the rights to -all- of it! No way! It makes too much money for NERV or SEELE to just grab it all up like that!

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Honestly, even at it's peak buying out the mecha genre would be pretty much a drop in the bucket for NERV.

Jesus, this chapter was brilliant. :lol My concerns of the fic getting reference overdosed (which I never mentioned having) have been assuaged because all the references now make sense in context. Also, I hope Gundam 00 exists still in this universe and that once NERV figures out how to make S2 engines they recreate Exia, replacing the GN Particle hax with AT Field hax.

 

[Pocky Balboa]

I'm... not sure about using "aishiteru" in that context, really. I might be mistaken since I'm not fluent in Japanese, but I was under the impression that it carries romantic connotations.

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No, it doesn't only carry that. Or used for only that type of love. The connotations it carries is a very deep, abiding love of any type. Otherwise the Japanese translation of John 3:16 gains a completely different meaning.

 

[Gryphon]

Okay, read the Prologue so far. And I'm afraid that's all the time I'm going to have today, so consider this a read-in-progress.

Overall, I liked the way you did Gendo's 'change' of heart, so far. It's both believable and original, and I look forward to finding out how the rest of the ripples pan out. What kind of tone can I expect from the story, by the way?

Oh, and one more thing that caught my eye:

HEKATONCHIERES

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Is there a particular reason you spelled it like that, or did you mean to say Hecatoncheires?

 

[MarshalGraves]

Okay, read the Prologue so far. And I'm afraid that's all the time I'm going to have today, so consider this a read-in-progress.

Overall, I liked the way you did Gendo's 'change' of heart, so far. It's both believable and original, and I look forward to finding out how the rest of the ripples pan out. What kind of tone can I expect from the story, by the way?

Oh, and one more thing that caught my eye:



Is there a particular reason you spelled it like that, or did you mean to say Hecatoncheires?

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1) As to the tone, expect serious with a side of heartwarming goofiness from time to time. Basically, realism, with a dash of 'oh god, laugh, or everything will make me cry' thrown in somewhere. Unless Rei is involved. This Rei....I'm the author, and -I- don't know what to expect from Rei.

2) I spelled it that way because I've seen a hundred (hah!) different ways of spelling it, and that's the one the dice told me to pick when I was writing it.

 

[Gryphon]

First Chapter read, and another pause for the day. I'll try to read the rest tomorrow afternoon, as my free time after work should actually be free by then.

As she began to fume, once again, and kick the payphone's supporting architecture, once again, she was briefly distracted by the momentary sight of a boy,

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At that, the aged general gave the mecha a sharp, crisp salute, which was returned swiftly by the mecha. At that, the general lowered his hand, nodding as the mech again imitated him, and turned to the Commander.

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A bit too much repetition there, which reads very jarringly. You could probably use some synonyms for the second repetitions.

Thesaurus.com is your friend.

opened the passenger door to his beat-up '91 Toyota Corolla.

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Boo, Kaji! Misato has a classic car in her Alpine and you can't get yourself a Hachi-Roku? For shame!

"...Pockets, Commander Ikari?"

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I find it kinda hard to believe that a giant mech would possess enough fine control in its giant hands to make good use of pockets, but okay.

The armaments available for the ACP-01 do not come with an unlimited ammo headband

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While the MGS reference is certainly funny, it comes off as a bit too meta and out of place for my taste. Probably because we don't have evidence of Gendo ever having been interested in gaming, so him dropping the reference so naturally sounds a bit wrong; I probably wouldn't have minded it if it was Asuka that made the reference, as we do know that she has an interest in videogames.

Still, a minor complaint.

She moved to stand next to the commander and looked up at him, closing her eyes tightly against the sight of the man she knew to be strong, charismatic, and fearless looking angry enough at the world to crush it between his hands, all while looking so terrified he wanted to grab his little boy and run into the furthest, most remote mountain village where they -might- be safe.

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COMMACEPTION!

It's specially notorious in this bit, but there are some other parts with big chunks of text that really could use some breaking off into smaller paragraphs or sentences. Just some food for thought for the future.

Also, the bolded bit reads awfully poorly. You might want to take a look at that.

prepare a path through the sephirot to sector 23!"

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Shouldn't that be capitalized?

Overall, a really concise run through the first sortie and the changes that come with it. Really well done; on another note, am I correct in thinking that this 'Eligor' is more closely related to a gargantuan Gundam than an Eva?

 

[MarshalGraves]

*snip and stuff*

Overall, a really concise run through the first sortie and the changes that come with it. Really well done; on another note, am I correct in thinking that this 'Eligor' is more closely related to a gargantuan Gundam than an Eva?

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I'll get right on those edits, thanks for the proofread and the advice!

And yes. I haven't gone -too- deep into the technical aspects of the mecha, but the only really 'living' parts of the mecha in this 'fic (so far) are the pilot and the AT-pylons. And yeah, each and every mech is going to be wildly different from its partners. Asuka's is different because it was constructed by a different team, and Rei's is going to be different because her mech is -still- a test-platform. For what? Well, nobody's picked up on the hint I left in picture form on the last page.

As to the fine motor-control...that's provided by the pilot. They -do- still sync with them (and it's actually more difficult -not- to get a high sync-rate, which will be addressed later), and when you're building macro-scale mecha, it's actually much, much easier to get fine control than working with smaller parts.

EDIT: Edits of 'Asuka' complete! Thanks, @Gryphon! If you find anything else you think needs addressing, don't be afraid to post or PM!

 

[MarshalGraves]

Annnnd here I run into a bit of a problem. My overall outline has run into a bit of a snag after a rewatch of the relevant canon episodes, and I need help from someone who A) does not have any issues with a -massive- fucking spoiler and B) got a hell of a lot deeper into the metaphysical bullshittery of NGE than my poor teenaged brain did.

I'm trying this new thing called 'author fiat is a bad thing', and I want this 'fic to make -sense-, y'know?

 

[Susano]

I'd be game. I think I have a good grasp on the "metaphysical bullshittery".

 

[Sir Plusse]

Honestly, I'm not sure the script-writers had any idea what they were talking about; I think they were just stringing together as many pseudo-scientific and pseudo-religious phrases as they could and hoping nobody would call them out on their BS. Of course, I've never been very big on emo (by which I mean the stereotypical "cut your wrists for inadequately explained reasons, with a side order of THE UNIVERSE HATES ME, WAAA WAAA WANGSTY MELODRAMA" sort of thing; they don't have to show up together to set me off, but if they do I'm pretty much guaranteed to hate it). Bit too personal of a subject for me to not suffer flashbacks, mostly.

 

[MoroseMobius]

You know with the opening this fic had, I thought it might be rather serious. By the time Gendo made a MGS joke, I had been thoroughly disabused of that notion.

 

[MarshalGraves]

You know with the opening this fic had, I thought it might be rather serious. By the time Gendo made a MGS joke, I had been thoroughly disabused of that notion.

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Heh. Wait until you see the maintenance cycles. There's a reason the tone starts off this easy and lighthearted, running counterpoint towards canon. Our Gendos Are Different. Does he have a reason to make that video game reference? Yes, he actually does, and it'll be seen later. But things are going well for NERV, these past few chapters, and people are in a good mood. The Angel showed up (yay! We get to keep our jobs!), Shinji wrecked its face (yay! We get to not die!), Asuka showed up and saw her Mama and best friends (yay! Cute redhead!) and Rei...well, okay, Rei was actually being really, really downer by dressing up as R. Dorothy, but then, her big brother was going into combat, she -wasn't- going into combat, and her ribs and arm ache like nothing else.

But Rei's an exception to just about -everything-, anyway. No, things are going to get somber again, just as soon as my chapter five outline starts cooperating. Is there such a thing as a timeline of when the Angel attacks actually occured? Because I can't remember if Shamshel hit Tokyo-3 on Shinji's first day of school, or a week later, and apparently fanfiction can't agree on that point.

 

[MoroseMobius]

Heh. Wait until you see the maintenance cycles. There's a reason the tone starts off this easy and lighthearted, running counterpoint towards canon. Our Gendos Are Different. Does he have a reason to make that video game reference? Yes, he actually does, and it'll be seen later. But things are going well for NERV, these past few chapters, and people are in a good mood. The Angel showed up (yay! We get to keep our jobs!), Shinji wrecked its face (yay! We get to not die!), Asuka showed up and saw her Mama and best friends (yay! Cute redhead!) and Rei...well, okay, Rei was actually being really, really downer by dressing up as R. Dorothy, but then, her big brother was going into combat, she -wasn't- going into combat, and her ribs and arm ache like nothing else.

But Rei's an exception to just about -everything-, anyway. No, things are going to get somber again, just as soon as my chapter five outline starts cooperating. Is there such a thing as a timeline of when the Angel attacks actually occured? Because I can't remember if Shamshel hit Tokyo-3 on Shinji's first day of school, or a week later, and apparently fanfiction can't agree on that point.

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According to EvaGeeks, Sachiel and Shamshel were "three weeks" apart. Here's a link to their timeline: Neon Genesis Evangelion Timeline - EvaWiki - An Evangelion Wiki - EvaGeeks.org

 

[MisterHalt]

Here's a timeline that sets things out by date, if you're interested.

 

[MarshalGraves]

According to EvaGeeks, Sachiel and Shamshel were "three weeks" apart. Here's a link to their timeline: Neon Genesis Evangelion Timeline - EvaWiki - An Evangelion Wiki - EvaGeeks.org

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Here's a timeline that sets things out by date, if you're interested.

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Much thanks to both of you, this is extremely helpful! Also...-fucking ouch- that's a time-crunch in December! 8 episodes, a quarter of the total series, takes place in -one fucking month-. Fucking -ow-.

 

[Gryphon]

Well, finally managed to make enough time to read the rest, and I have to go to sleep in less than ten minutes. I'll see if I can scrounge up some time tomorrow to mention some of the things that jumped at me, but for now I'll say that I like some of your ideas, while I think others lean a bit too hard on the crazy side; that's not necessarily a bad thing, however, and those ideas fit with the overall over-the-top theme of the story so far.

I don't know what the deal with Rei is, either, but I suppose it would make more sense if I knew who that R. Dorothy Wainwright was in the first place. As it stands, I don't, but I'm curious to see where the bluenette ends up going anyway.

Overall, though, it's a pretty well written story that looks to be trying something (mostly) new with Eva. The latter alone is already a huge plus in my books.

 

[Betatrack]

Dorothy is from Big O and is basically another Rei expy.

 

[Dirtnap]

Dorothy is from Big O and is basically another Rei expy.

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BIIIIGGGG OOOOOHHH.
Cast in the name of god, ye not guilty!

Dorothy is the best thing about Big O, besides giant robot punching the shit out of things.

So far this has been a very interesting ride. I look forward to seeing more.

 

[DocMatoi]

Dorothy is from Big O and is basically another Rei expy.

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So wait is Rei just going to be coslifing/LARPing as every Rei expy 24/7?

 

[MarshalGraves]

So wait is Rei just going to be coslifing/LARPing as every Rei expy 24/7?

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Snerk. Amusing as that mental image is, no. She's just coslifing all the time. The last scene currently up has her as Usagi Tsukino, who is -very very much- the opposite of a Rei expy. Nah, Rei was just R. Dorothy that day because she was feeling mopey, and she hates Onii-chan seeing her be mopey, so she becomes someone who doesn't have the ability to -be- mopey. I thought introducing Rei coslifing as a Rei-expy was hilarous.

BIIIIGGGG OOOOOHHH.
Cast in the name of god, ye not guilty!

Dorothy is the best thing about Big O, besides giant robot punching the shit out of things.

So far this has been a very interesting ride. I look forward to seeing more.

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.....You are going to -love- Act III, I can just tell. I wonder if we have any fans of Pacific Rim in the house....

 

[M. H. Fuzzball]

Snerk. Amusing as that mental image is, no. She's just coslifing all the time. The last scene currently up has her as Usagi Tsukino, who is -very very much- the opposite of a Rei expy. Nah, Rei was just R. Dorothy that day because she was feeling mopey, and she hates Onii-chan seeing her be mopey, so she becomes someone who doesn't have the ability to -be- mopey. I thought introducing Rei coslifing as a Rei-expy was hilarous.

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And ISTR from the chapter that Gendo hates Dorothy, and Rei was pretty much telling him, "You don't like R. Dorothy Wainwright? I don't like oniisan being in danger. Guess neither of us are getting what we want today."

I wonder if we have any fans of Pacific Rim in the house....

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Yo.

 

[MarshalGraves]

And ISTR from the chapter that Gendo hates Dorothy, and Rei was pretty much telling him, "You don't like R. Dorothy Wainwright? I don't like oniisan being in danger. Guess neither of us are getting what we want today."

Yo.

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That line was two-fold. One, you hit the nail on the head. Rei was being mean because Gendo made a call she disagreed with.

Gendo watches anime with his kids because he's actually trying to be a -dad-. He just happens to have favorites, and he has least-favorites. It's unlikely to be expanded on further in the 'fic, unless I can shoehorn an excuse, but Gendo's favorite anime is Big O, because he admires Roger Smith and Norman. His least-favories, however, include R. Dorothy Wainwright.

That one of his least-favorites is a canon-Rei-expy was a bit of ironic humor I could not resist. A bit of 'there but for the grace of God go I', if you will.

As to Pacific Rim....anybody ever get the feeling that movie took a -whole fucking lot- of cues from Evangelion?

1) Giant humanoid mechs vs. inhuman aliens with no two the same at all?

2) Giant aliens dissimilar from one another in wildly-different ways, but there's -one organ- they all possess that is, in fact, -exactly- the same between creatures?

3) Pilots mentally sync with mechs, and personal triumphs or tragedies affect the success of this sync-ratio.

4) Main character lost a close family member to one of the mechs. Sure, it was in battle and technically a kaiju, but still.....

A whoooooole lot of similarities. If there had been an abundance of Catholic crosses in the Shatterdome (another similarity! Special massive facility! Geofront=Shatterdome) I'd have honestly wondered if Pacific Rim wasn't a modernized attempt at an RL adaptation of NGE.

EDIT: Why am I playing golf, and what's that between me and the sun? Odd, that....

 

[MoroseMobius]

A whoooooole lot of similarities. If there had been an abundance of Catholic crosses in the Shatterdome (another similarity! Special massive facility! Geofront=Shatterdome) I'd have honestly wondered if Pacific Rim wasn't a modernized attempt at an RL adaptation of NGE.

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It was a love-letter to mecha. My favorite part was that Gypsy Danger's Head drops in from above and screws into the body. NGE was not the only Gainax anime Guillermo del Toro likes.

 

[MisterHalt]

.....You are going to -love- Act III, I can just tell. I wonder if we have any fans of Pacific Rim in the house....

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Yep. I fucking love how the giants feel like giants. They look and act like they have proper momentum and weight.

As to Pacific Rim....anybody ever get the feeling that movie took a -whole fucking lot- of cues from Evangelion?

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It was a love-letter to mecha. My favorite part was that Gypsy Danger's Head drops in from above and screws into the body. NGE was not the only Gainax anime Guillermo del Toro likes.

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"To fight monsters, we created monsters"

Gee, does that sound familiar at all?