Our Shining Savior (Celestial Forge/Worm)
- Thread starter happynslappy
- Start date
Hexcalibur
Not So Ordinary Sword
- Location
- Somewhere
- Pronouns
- It
Well, more clues for Taylor on Coil's civilian identity.
More clues and knows PRT higher ups are doing. This will fuck over Calvert once this gets out. Cauldron will probably drop him or kill him for screwing up. Armsmaster will get a call soon about Sophia and her being out from prison while also running black op slaughtering of people aka Taylor while Taylor hasn't done anything warranting a kill order
YuffieK
(Verified Ninja Princess)
"Well. That wasn't pleasant."
"Something happened again?"
"Yup, the new PRT Director got Sophia out of prison and sent her here on a ninja loot raid. We fought and the bitch killed me, and then it never happened, thanks to Coil's scum saving or whatever he's doing."
"That limits his being someone who is very close to Director Calvert."
"Or him being Director Calvert."
- Pronouns
- He
I am so done with this... fanfiction. Its turned out really bad. It's boring and repetitive. I don't know what pleasure this author has out of this, but it's simply not worth the read.
It's so boring it competes with those badly translated xianxia on webnovel. Like the last chapter: What is the point in it? That Taylor has some dubious info? Yea, she surely is smart and would use it. Oh, wait, actually no. Taylor is often dumb as rocks, but here it took a notch up. After 120k words we have nothing. Btw: It started 27th dec 2021. It's 2023. And the story hasn't moved out of a literal garage.
Grammar is around US public highschool. Would be nice if the author read some books made by authors with profesional editors. Author lacks any kind of expanded vocalburary. Yea, he is no pro, and I don't know if english is his first language, but daaamn, even thesaurus would help here.
Everyday a new word or two. That is good advice for everyone.
Syntax is kinda on the same level, needs a lot of refining. Author just refuses to learn from past mistakes or errors.
It's so boring it competes with those badly translated xianxia on webnovel. Like the last chapter: What is the point in it? That Taylor has some dubious info? Yea, she surely is smart and would use it. Oh, wait, actually no. Taylor is often dumb as rocks, but here it took a notch up. After 120k words we have nothing. Btw: It started 27th dec 2021. It's 2023. And the story hasn't moved out of a literal garage.
Grammar is around US public highschool. Would be nice if the author read some books made by authors with profesional editors. Author lacks any kind of expanded vocalburary. Yea, he is no pro, and I don't know if english is his first language, but daaamn, even thesaurus would help here.
Everyday a new word or two. That is good advice for everyone.
Syntax is kinda on the same level, needs a lot of refining. Author just refuses to learn from past mistakes or errors.
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happynslappy said:
This come to me as just wrong, as I read it as a different interpretation.
It may just be me though.
I think 'fucking with you' or 'fucking your mind' comes a little better than 'fucking you'.
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I think it was more meant as "I'm fucking you over"
In which case it was written more or less correctly.
Probably a whole lot of nothing since the author seems to really want the Coil arc to drag out.
- Pronouns
- Him/He
Great, uhhhh, can we just kill coil and move on now please?
- Pronouns
- Him/He
This is an objectively wrong take. I'm not saying that this fic is great or anything, its very ok, and that still puts it in the 95th percentile when it comes to fics on the internet. You seem to be using the word fanfiction as an insult but you are on Sufficient Velocity reading fanfiction so you should probably get over that. You say it's very repetitive but you obviously don't know the meaning of the word as it doesn't really apply here. Sure, the coil parts are dragging a little but the main story beats are definitely not repeating. You call the grammar public high school level, showing disdain for public high school, specifically US public high school. Not only does this make you sound like a snobby elitist, it also shows a distinct lack of awareness that the vast majority of people finish learning grammar in high school. Not that it even matters what education level you have as it pertains to writing ability. For instance, there are small children who could put together a better critique than you, and not use the same shit grammar you used in yours.
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- He
Weeeeell, she successfully nigh-tortured a girl for over a year right under PRT noses. She pulled off something that could be considered a bioterrorism assault, attempted murder and kidnapping in a school. She successfully turned, alongside Emma and Madison, the whole school against one person, a school that is rumoured to be full of neonazis. With her being Black... So clearly, she does something "right"... And after all of it, she was not punished. Only after she was caught by the Undersiders, and after they sent irrefutable evidence, only then she was sent to juvenile detention. And still she was free after Golden Morning anyway...
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- Location
- In the Depths, Lurking...
...Wow. Holy Shit! Hess is a psychopath as always and it kinda amuses me how badly she screwed the PRT in the discarded timeline, but god damn. Taylor has gotta be pissed and will likely never give Sophia the chance to talk again. I did love seeing someone rationalize what it's like fighting Imp, that was pretty good.
I hope Taylor doesn't kill Coil. I have my fingers crossed for the precog computer (aka Coil's brain stuffed into a life support box with LEDs slapped on).
More likely she'll call Armsmaster and he'll bust Director Calvert. There really isn't much Coil can do if someone can spoil both timelines like Taylor.
More likely she'll call Armsmaster and he'll bust Director Calvert. There really isn't much Coil can do if someone can spoil both timelines like Taylor.
- Location
- usa
If she gets the right perks it could happen. Doesn't seem likely though.
you don't like it that's fine, stop reading! No ones forcing you to read it.