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Neon Metathesis Evangelion [NGE]

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A/R time will come. Really, looking at my notes, at this point I'm more concerned the A/S link may end up lagging behind, heh.

And yes, maybe I'm not only in the need of a betareader, which I thankfully have (thank you, @Turing Decidable ), but maybe an editor to reign me in concerning wordcount and so on ;)

So, your overall point seems to be I need to leave the canon rails more?
 
Susano said:
So, your overall point seems to be I need to leave the canon rails more?
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I think it depends on what you want to do. Going off the rails more gives you more freedom, but then you also have to spend time developing the new path for your story. Doing that with lots of stuff about Eva mythology and backstory could distract from the relationships between Shinji, Rei, and Asuka. Conversely, not going off the rails as much gives you less room to develop their relationships in new ways that fit your divergence.

My personal school of thought is that, when I do feel like I need to hew closer to canon, I try to fast-forward through it as much as possible. That's more or less what I did with "Before and After": I was only trying to fill in the gaps between episodes, so I relegated the Angel battles to happen off-screen. I tried to focus on new stuff instead: Shinji taking Rei to an arcade, Rei getting into Charles Dickens, etc.

Your situation is a little different, in that you are diverging the Angel battles in several ways and you can use that to further the relationships. As a result, my school of thought on the topic isn't necessarily (and probably isn't) the best thing for your story.

At the same time, I do think that you can stay close to the rails of how the Angel battles play out while showing a little more freedom to try different relationship beats.

That's just my opinion though. I'm not trained as a writer, just as a physicist. Wavefunctions and black holes are, admittedly, somewhat different from character development and pacing, so take that for what you will.
 
Well, I think I have a "problem", if it can be called that, in that I have committed myself to slow development. There are reasons for that, like that slow development makes things more plausible - it is bad enough to get any sort of relationship in NGE working, but a triad? Yeah... That needs groundwork. For that matter, even concerning EVA mythology and background... well, so far there is simply no reason why any of that should already be different to canon. I implied/foreshadowed something with Kaji, but that's about it. I have plans concerning the background, and the mythology will at the very latest become relevant at the very end, but so far there is nothing that could have had any bearing on it yet.

But while this sort of development is self-chosen it is a "problem" in so far that it means for the first chapters, things will be run pretty parallel. The next angel fight as well will probably still be very parallel to canon. It is only afterwards that things might diverge a bit. And of course that means reader will have to go through so much parallelism until the larger divergences show up...

For what it's worth, the next chapter won't have any angels and will hence all be non-canon stuff ;)
 
Yes, without a doubt, I can tell that you have ideas for making things different with the mythology as well: the stuff with Kaji (and him hanging around), as well as the bombshell Asuka dropped on Shinji here, definitely indicates that things must play out differently.

I'll be looking forward to the next part.
 
Susano said:
The tag exists for a reason. Also, Florence.

Or do you mean "responsible" as in "being serious and not going that direction"? :p
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For sparking the general revival in Evangelion on the forum, and making 123 popular. Responsible in a good way. You know there's only the pre-structured plot in A&T holding it back there. ;)
 
khfan21 said:
Him learning about Adamite Third Impact?
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Btw, it should be noted that Asuka still has no clue about what actually could cause Third Impact, only that angels are involved. And that "the first angel" started Second Impact. Both are things Misato already knows, too (she was there for Second Impact). Neither of them knows that it requires an angel to come into contact with Adam, that NERV has Adam in the cellar, that this is why the angels attack Tokyo-3 in particular, that EVAs are derived from him and that no wait, actually, that's Lilith, and 01 is derived from her... nevermind the whole souls thing. Or, well, everything to do with Rei (which of course, given the stated romance option here, is highly reilevant). So there is actually still much to uncover.

Oh and one other thing:
Muphrid said:
This lack of self-awareness seems in-character for Asuka, though I must concede I find it a little tiresome.
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Well, at the moment it isn't even that much lack of self-awareness ;) . Because so far, well, there isn't even much in the way of just friendship between the two. Asuka is baffled anyone would jump into a murder beam for her, even as part of a mission, and doesn't want to be 'diminished' by someone dying for her, but that's it.

Unfortunately for your tiredness, realization will be/remain her problem. Asuka will have few problems about liking girls... once she realizes she does. That is because she has no problem with the general concept, but has a very strong and deeply embedded self-image...
 
Muphrid said:
Unless we're talking hot synthetic cyborg-on-cyborg action, in which case, carry on.
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Kyoko: "I can't help but feel there's a power imbalance in the relationship..."

Rei-I: "LESS TALKING, MORE FOOT MASSAGES."

Yui: "Doesn't it bother you when she possesses you like that, Rei?"

Rei-I: "If that is what I must endure to receive even the barest minimum of compensation from you for indirectly getting me killed, then that is what I will do. Now do as she says!"

Kyoko and Yui: "Yes, mistress..."
 
Susano said:
Well, at the moment it isn't even that much lack of self-awareness ;) . Because so far, well, there isn't even much in the way of just friendship between the two. Asuka is baffled anyone would jump into a murder beam for her, even as part of a mission, and doesn't want to be 'diminished' by someone dying for her, but that's it.
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Hm. I guess I read the passage I quoted as tsundere-esque, which is, of course, entirely fitting of her character. The reasoning you suggest would explain her failure to understand Rei, but less so herself.
 
Muphrid said:
Hm. I guess I read the passage I quoted as tsundere-esque, which is, of course, entirely fitting of her character. The reasoning you suggest would explain her failure to understand Rei, but less so herself.
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"It's not like I like you" was of course a deliberate reference to that, because Asuka. But it was more of a gag. Right now, while she may still think uncommonly often about that incident at Rei's apartment (and attributes that to all the wrong reasons), she has not yet any true feelings for Rei.

Which is problematic because S/R is surging widely ahead, but oh well. Can't fight one's instincts it seems. Later chapters will fix that. Hopefully. ;)
 
I wonder what would happen if you when this order:
5. Ramiel
6. Leliel
7. Zeruel
8. Isfrael
9. Matariel
10. Gaghiel
11. Sahaquiel
12. Arael
13. Sandalphon
14. Ireul
15. Armisael
16. Bardiel
17. Tabris
 
brer rabbit said:
I wonder what would happen if you when this order:
5. Ramiel
6. Leliel
7. Zeruel
8. Isfrael
9. Matariel
10. Gaghiel
11. Sahaquiel
12. Arael
13. Sandalphon
14. Ireul
15. Armisael
16. Bardiel
17. Tabris
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Sandalphon, Gaghiel and Ramiel already happened.

So far the order of angel has been:
3. Sachiel
4. Shamshel
5. Sandalphon
6. Gaghiel
7. Ramiel
 
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