- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Not for him. He has no idea what's going on. Which is his standard state of affairs.
Asuka, now, though...
Neon Metathesis Evangelion [NGE]
Asuka, now, though...
Turing Decidable
𝕘𝕒𝕣𝕗
- Location
- Belgium
- Pronouns
- He/Him
No redheaded tsundere can resist the charms of Shinji the perpetually confused puppy!
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Or Rei's, as A&T described it, frightened kitten look.
- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Hey! The Rei-huggle quota was fulfilled!
...again, sorta...
Though, right, frightened kitten look is only next chapter. That's the problem with writing in advance
- Location
- Canada
"You are just like me" incoming?
- Location
- The Midlands.
You know, this is another one of those NGE situations where knowing all the facts would make everything a lot easier. Shinji doesn't have to like what he has to do and he has every right to be angry about the way he was press-ganged into it, but how much easier would it be for him to feel like there's something in it for him if he knew what was really at stake?
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Yeah, that is why Rebuild1.0!Misato is best Misato. Who is so... nonchalant about the whole thing. "And btw, this here is Lilith. You need to protect this."
However, here he already does know as much as Misato does, anyway, via Asuka. And I mean, he will fight. He will fight to keep his promise to Rei, and because of what Asuka has told him. That isn't really in doubt, only his attitude and mental well-being. Even knowing all this, the situation still bothers him. For one, that he has to fight - not in a "is forced to" way (Misato basically told him to go, if that's what's best for him), but in a "obligation" sort of way. But as he pondered last chapter, if all are saved, but only he has to suffer, how is that any fair? And second, he doesn't like to be treated as a tool. He doesn't like how everyone just expects him to pilot EVA (next chapter already written for the most part, and he's talking about it with Rei).
So a Misato which actually repeatedly drives the point home that he IS free to go at any time, and who now certainly will watch her attitude in that regard, will actually be healthy for his mental well-being.
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Very much so. I'm still not sure where her relationship to Shinji, or to the other Children for that matter, will end up. He knows why she has to do her job, of course, but that is just the brains. Emotionally, he might still end up totally alienated from her, and she full of guilt, no matter how justified her role was. Or, on the other extreme, they might become family. Honestly, I will have to see myself
"Stopping to attack" can also be read like "briefly pausing for the purpose of attacking" (As in definition 18 here). I think "ceasing to attack" unambiguously has the meaning you want, but it's probably a bit too fancy for Misato.
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- Location
- Canada
At least this is only 10 or so pages. Advice and trust is over 780.Ah ah! Found it. So, as promised, your friend with no name dropping by from ff.net for more constructive exchanges, on a place where reviews don't get eaten. Hopefully.
Now just give me time to read the whole discussion thread...
- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
Muphrid
Star of the Lancer
This installment was really good. There's a lot of new ground covered, and it balances the various situations of Shinji, Asuka, and Misato.
Still, there are a couple things on my mind: Shinji gets a vision of his mother in the contact experiment, and this is coming from his repressed memories, but it's unclear to me what the trigger for them is. There should be a logical connection between what he is experiencing inside Unit-00 and him remembering that moment.
Shinji and Misato's relationship is developing well. Misato's observation that it might have been better for someone to care for Shinji without the conflict of interest in wanting to send him into battle? That's spot on. But there is, I think, a subtle issue: their conversation at the end of this chapter doesn't feel connected to what Shinji experienced in Unit-00. There is only a slight impact on it in terms of Misato's frustrations. It's surprising to me that such a major event would not seriously impact the way this conversation turns out. Most of the reasons Shinji offers are ones that have nothing to do with what he learned from the cross-synch experiment, but that memory resurfacing is an opportunity: an opportunity for him to reevaluate what he wants out of life right now. His mother was taken from him. His father asks him to do things as a condition of having him around. Misato is basically the same, but the difference is that Misato shows warmth--makes him feel like part of a family. He hasn't had that since his mom died.
You have most of those pieces in place already. There's just the need for logical impact of the scene in the middle. There are a few ways you could go about this: Misato could be hesitant to broach the issue before the test, so that the incident drives her to do so, for example. Like I said, though, I think Shinji's mindset should evolve in response as well.
Still, there are a couple things on my mind: Shinji gets a vision of his mother in the contact experiment, and this is coming from his repressed memories, but it's unclear to me what the trigger for them is. There should be a logical connection between what he is experiencing inside Unit-00 and him remembering that moment.
Shinji and Misato's relationship is developing well. Misato's observation that it might have been better for someone to care for Shinji without the conflict of interest in wanting to send him into battle? That's spot on. But there is, I think, a subtle issue: their conversation at the end of this chapter doesn't feel connected to what Shinji experienced in Unit-00. There is only a slight impact on it in terms of Misato's frustrations. It's surprising to me that such a major event would not seriously impact the way this conversation turns out. Most of the reasons Shinji offers are ones that have nothing to do with what he learned from the cross-synch experiment, but that memory resurfacing is an opportunity: an opportunity for him to reevaluate what he wants out of life right now. His mother was taken from him. His father asks him to do things as a condition of having him around. Misato is basically the same, but the difference is that Misato shows warmth--makes him feel like part of a family. He hasn't had that since his mom died.
You have most of those pieces in place already. There's just the need for logical impact of the scene in the middle. There are a few ways you could go about this: Misato could be hesitant to broach the issue before the test, so that the incident drives her to do so, for example. Like I said, though, I think Shinji's mindset should evolve in response as well.
I read that as the trigger is him seeing Unit 01 from the control booth and his experience in Unit 00 just a catalyst.
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Muphrid
Star of the Lancer
Ah, yes, you're quite right.
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Basically. Also, EVAs are controlled via direct link to the brain, so who knows what all can be caused by mental backflow...
@Eta Boötis
Well, so far Misato has no idea what Shinji has seen. And Shinji might not want to make something so complicated even more complicated by telling. So far, for Shinji, this is just one more proof that his father doesn't care about him, and frankly, the whole idea of piloting the "robot" that killed his mother disgusts him. Which will in fact have consequences. And really, nothing in regard to what he wants in life has actually changed. He doesn't want to pilot EVA anyway, but feels obligated to... and there are good arguments as to why he is, in fact. That still is the case. (And honestly, I doubt he'll ever feel good piloting EVA. At least EVA-01. But that's a hint for much, much later in the story...)
As for Misato, a large point of her conversation with Shinji was telling him that she doesn't want to impose EVA on him. She would even let him stay as a non-pilot. She genuinely wants to not have that conflict of interests, and hence will let Shinji have whatever he wants. It's just that Shinji doubts that would actually work. Plus, of course, after what Asuka has told him, how can he not pilot? Or for that matter, the 'Rei blackmail' also still works, he has even internalized it with his promise to her.
Muphrid
Star of the Lancer
@Susano I see what you did there.
My concern is that the Shinji/Misato plotline sits apart from the Shinji/Yui/Unit-01 plotline. They don't really interact with each other. Contrast that against how the Unit-01 stuff gets Asuka involved, and that moves Shinji and Asuka's relationship forward. Misato and Shinji more or less stay in the same place when this whole ordeal could've (and, I feel, should've) acted as a catalyst for change--not necessarily positive change, but change nonetheless.
My concern is that the Shinji/Misato plotline sits apart from the Shinji/Yui/Unit-01 plotline. They don't really interact with each other. Contrast that against how the Unit-01 stuff gets Asuka involved, and that moves Shinji and Asuka's relationship forward. Misato and Shinji more or less stay in the same place when this whole ordeal could've (and, I feel, should've) acted as a catalyst for change--not necessarily positive change, but change nonetheless.
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Well, all I can say is... yeah, that's kinda true
- Location
- supernatural
I wonder if Asuka is going to confront Gendo about the fact Shinji mother was absorbed in the EVA and what was he even doing there on the day of the experiment as he wasn't pick to be a pilot.(and ask about more information about what happen to her mother)
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Chapter 8 - Interests
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Rei's daily appearance at that spot near the park, on Ikari's way home back to Captain Katsuragi's apartment, had become a regular part of her schedule, only interrupted when there were synch-tests or memory storage updates. She liked that it had become part of her routine, part of her normalcy, something that she could understand and plan for, something for which she did not depend on the vagaries of the outside world, which often confused her. Or maybe 'confuse' was the wrong term; in intellectual terms she understood most of what was going on around her. It was just that in most cases she did not understand the sense behind it all. She could read up on the reasons people did this and that, but to her those explanations often fell short.
It did not matter, of course. Her purpose was not interaction with people. The Scenario did not call for it. But until her purpose would be fulfilled completely, she would have to live in this world, with all the people. On a primal, instinctive level, a level she never felt in any other context, she felt a connection to these people, a will to protect them. But in her everyday life she felt totally alienated from them. So it was nice to be able to rely on a frame of normalcy, like a regular schedule.
And it was nice that this schedule included Ikari. She could not quite say why, but that was in the end irrelevant as well. Her association with Ikari did not hinder the Scenario, and it helped her to endure the time until its completion. That was enough to know.
As for him... Before Mt Futago, Rei had never paid attention to when and why people smiled. It had always been simply something people did, a part of the outside world to which she had felt no connection, like so many parts of that world. But Pilot Soryu's forceful advice still stuck with her. If I should feel happy when something good comes my way, and smile to express that feeling... and that is what I did feel at Mt Futago... then that is true for other people as well. She had noted Soryu herself was smiling a lot, but usually in odd ways, in grins and smirks. Ikari smiled sometimes when he was with Suzuhara and Aida. It was... good that he did, though Rei could not say why, and thus she felt almost grateful to the two.
But Ikari always smiled when he approached her on his way back home.
They were small smiles, subdued smiles and faint smiles. They were one reason she usually just stood there, looking in the direction from where he would come. It was the most logical and efficient way to wait, but beyond that it also meant she would see him before he would see her – and that way she could see every time that smile appearing as soon as he noticed her.
So it also was now. Rei could see Shinji coming up that small hill, could see him looking up to meet her gaze, and could see the corners of his lip curling up.
And inside her, she felt warmth.
"Ikari," she greeted him as he had reached her. "Will you spend the day in the city again?"
He shook his head. "Misato and I have... come to an understanding. I don't know if it'll work, but... I don't think I could have endured more days of tensions at the place where I sleep. I'm just glad we did find a way out of that."
"Oh," Rei merely replied. That's good. It was good Ikari did not have to endure that tension anymore. It was good that the Operations Director and one of her pilots were on agreeable terms again. That was good for the Scenario.
Why, then, did she feel sad?
"It is good that you can return to your usual schedule," she commented.
Ikari looked at her strangely, a bit as if he had not understood what she had just said. "Yes... it's good." He paused, and then eventually began: "Say, Ayanami... you know my father pretty well... do you know..."
He stopped. Eventually, Rei asked: "Do I know what?"
"Does he ever talk about my mother?" Ikari asked.
Rei knew his mother. The Commander spoke of her often enough. "You'll take me to Yui." As such, Rei nodded.
"Does he... did he ever say how she died?" Ikari pushed on.
"It happened in an accident," Rei answered.
"An accident with my EVA?" Ikari asked. Rei nodded. "Then why... then why hasn't Father ever told me anything about it? What happened back then?"
"Yui Ikari was lost in the initial contact experiment with EVA-01," Rei answered. She felt like she was treading on unsteady ground. This fact was of great importance to Commander Ikari. She was... unsure how much she could tell.
"And now my father wants me to pilot that very same unit," Ikari whispered. "The same unit that killed my mother."
"There have been no such accidents with EVAs since 2005," Rei tried to reassure him.
Ikari shook his head. "Even so, my father should have told me. But he probably feared I would not have piloted EVA-01 if I had known."
"Would you have?" Rei asked.
"I don't think I could have said no after..." He looked down and blushed. "After feeling you shaking with pain." Again that feeling of warmth. "But that isn't the point! I... I just want to decide on my own whether I pilot. And if I say no, others should respect that. Instead, they all try to manipulate me into getting into that entry-plug."
"Only you and I can pilot EVA-01," Rei pointed out.
"I know! And I will pilot it," Ikari insisted. "If only to keep my promise. But it hurts when I do. People shouldn't just expect me to do it. It's easy for them to do so, they don't have the experiences that I..." He shook his head.
"You want to be praised for piloting EVA by people?" Rei asked.
"And why not?" Ikari defended himself. "After all, they're all saved because of me, aren't they?" Rei remained silent. That was correct, but it did not feel relevant to her. He eventually seemed to pick up on that: "You don't think so?"
"Only a limited number of people can pilot EVA," Rei argued. "Therefore they should."
"I never asked for that ability," Ikari argued back.
Two completely different sets of ethics, Rei realized. She had a read a bit of philosophy. We are talking past each others.
After a while, Ikari looked down. "I'm sorry if you think I'm being selfish. But I just..."
"No," Ayanami simply stated. Ikari looked up. "It is all right if you have a different opinion. You still pilot EVA. It would be presumptuous to also demand that you do it for a particular reason. It is alright for you to want praise."
Shinji smiled, first faintly, then ever broader. "Thank you, Ayanami."
She tilted her head. She did not understand his reaction. They had talked. She did not see how she had rendered any particular service to Ikari. Even so, she was glad he thought so.
He sighed. "I guess... I just don't want to be treated as a tool. Nobody should be."
Not me, either?
"So, Asuka, what do you think?"
The real estate broker looked politely ahead. She had not understood a word of the question. Kaji was speaking German for just that reason. It allowed the two to speak frankly. Unlike with Misato, one could barely even hear an accent.
"It'll do," Asuka answered in the same language. She sauntered over to Kaji. "It looks like we can make ourselves really comfortable here, don't you think? Our private little love nest."
Kaji just smirked. "You mean like back in Germany?"
That caused Asuka to grimace and turn away from him. The hint about Germany, where all her advances had been rebuffed, did not sit well with her. She looked around the apartment again. "It's a bit small, isn't it? Just like all the others. And isn't there at least a single apartment somewhere with proper doors?"
"Unlikely," Kaji told her. "Truth be told, I've come to rather enjoy European style doors in Germany. Perfect for keeping unwanted people out."
"Exactly!" Asuka exclaimed. "It seems the Japanese are not all that great at building homes." She winked at him. "Your qualities are... elsewhere, right?"
"But this apartment is very near to the inner city, and the price is reasonable," Kaji stated without missing a beat. "I don't think we'll find anything better."
Asuka raised her head defiantly. "Fine. If you say so."
While Kaji went over to the broker to speak about conditions and terms, Asuka walked over to the nearest window and looked outside. The prospect of finally moving out of that hotel room was nice, but she was just getting nowhere with Kaji, and that was frustrating. She knew her current and her former guardian had a thing once. Is he still fixated on her? That would be kinda lame. Bah, I'm sure Misato's tits will begin to sag soon. Especially with how much weight they have. I'll just have to wait. But for how long?
Finally, after some more polite small talk with the broker, Kaji and Asuka could leave her behind in the apartment.
"Only two more weeks in that hotel, Asuka," Kaji told her in Japanese as they went to the car. "Then you'll have a real home again."
Asuka suppressed a Took you long enough. By then she would have stayed in the hotel for over a month. And the housing market in Tokyo-3 did not seem to be all that tight, especially now that the first angels had attacked. Kaji had just been dragging his feet. But she could not say so to him. He had his problems, but he still was considerable better than any boy her age, after all.
"A home together with you again," she instead commented.
Kaji sighed. "Yes. A home together with me."
They got into his car. Finally there was the opportunity to ask the question that had been on her mind for two days already. Now she was with Kaji in an environment with no listeners. Even so, she switched back to German: "Du, Kaji... what do you know about EVA-01?"
Kaji glanced over to her. "What do you mean?"
"Were there any accidents in its creation or activation?" Asuka asked.
Kaji took a second to order his thoughts. "Not that I know of. The Unit is obviously still not completely stable; the sortie against the angel dubbed Sachiel showed that. But it seems they had come a long way from the Prototype. There were no berserk activities upon activation, nothing. At least, as far as the official records are concerned. Why?"
"Shinji told me there was an accident," Asuka told him. "In the original contact experiment. He told me his mother died in it."
"Yui Ikari? The Commander's wife?" Kaji asked back. "That's... interesting. I looked into the Commander's files upon departure to Japan. There is no cause of death listed for his wife. I understand that caused quite a flurry of rumours that he had killed her. That always seemed... highly unlikely to me." He paused. "But she was an expert in the field of metaphysical biology, and a member of the Artificial Evolution Laboratory. The predecessor of GEHIRN and hence, ultimately, NERV."
"So it could have happened?" Asuka asked.
Kaji seemed to ponder that. "You know what, Asuka? Let's go to that high-end supermarket on our way back. You know, the one conveniently located on the other side of the city. And in the meanwhile, you tell me what Shinji has told you."
His facial expression did not change as Asuka did tell him. It nearly never did. He was too self-disciplined for that. Unlike Shinji, whom one could read like a book.
When Kaji spoke again, he sounded dead-serious. "Listen to me, Asuka. Don't tell this to anyone else, understood? Not even Misato. She's part of NERV, after all. And it seems very clear NERV does not want this to become common knowledge. For whatever reason. You were prudent to bring this up here. I regularly check this car for bugs. It would be unwise to talk about this in less safe areas."
"So what should I do now?" Asuka asked. "What will you do?"
"This is important to you, isn't it?" Kaji asked back.
Asuka just glared at him. He knew why that was so. All her guardians and former guardians did. That had always been one of the worst aspects about how NERV had approached her legal status. Not only had she been forced to constantly get used to new people, people with authority over her, it was also that these same people would be told about her mother. It had felt like a constant invasion of her privacy.
"Well, then you should try to find out more," Kaji continued. "Try if you can get more out of Shinji. But – don't use interrogation tactics. They won't work. Just talk normally to him." He grinned. "That's an old maxim in the intelligence business: You can get more information out of a subject in a friendly talk than in a forceful interrogation."
"What do you mean?" Asuka asked.
"If you try to beat the truth out of someone, they'll just tell you what they think you want to hear," Kaji explained. "Not necessarily the truth." His voice suddenly became graver and more quiet. "Not that there aren't still plenty of brutal idiots who don't understand that. People who justify their sadism to themselves by delusions of making the necessary 'hard decisions'." He shook his head and caught himself again. "So, if you're confrontational with Shinji, he'll just think about what best to tell you so as to lose you again. Besides, those memories... they need to come to him again. Gradually, gently. That's best done by just talking about them."
"So that's what I should do?" Asuka could not believe that should be the strategy. "Talk to that idiot like I were his friend or something?"
"Well, he is your colleague, isn't he?" Kaji reminded her. "So you'll just talk to him as a fellow pilot. No big deal. Meanwhile, I'll see what else I can find out about Yui Ikari and Unit 01."
"He isn't exactly the easiest person to talk to," Asuka complained. "All sulks and silence."
Kaji smirked. "Then see that as your challenge. Think about how you can get such a person to talk to you in a friendly manner. Surely, even if you dislike the task, you should be up to it."
Shinji was standing in front of Misato's door, his school bag already on his shoulders, and hesitated.
It was 07:40. He would have to leave the apartment soon to reach school in time. However, Misato was still not up. Once again, it seemed like he would have to wake her. There had always been something comical about a guardian who needed to rely on her ward to assure that she made it to work on time.
...it was not so comical anymore.
The previous evening, she had been all laughter and good spirits, but even by her standards, which involved using every opportunity to sound cheerful, it had sounded hollow. Still, Shinji was glad she had been that way. It made returning things to normal easier on him – something that was already difficult for him as it was. That was also the reason he had not yet told Misato what he had seen inside EVA-00. He did not want to make things even more complicated.
But so far, it had always been her doing that work, the work of going back to where things were. Waking her now would mean him doing likewise. He was unsure if he should. Uncertain if it was appropriate. He wanted to return to normal, but secretly he still doubted he deserved that.
Finally, he turned around and walked out of the apartment.
On his way to school he cursed himself for his cowardice. Once again, he was running away. Just as he had from Ayanami after the incident at her apartment, or indeed Misato after their argument. He stuck his plugs into his ears and started the SDAT player. On the whole way to school, he looked down. It helped him not to think about the world.
He hardly paid any attention to class until history came up. That was not such a bad class, after all. Sure, the teacher had a tendency to ramble, but in a weird way, it was a topic that Shinji could actually connect to. English with all its tenses and verb forms confused him, and maths was nearly as much a foreign language to him, with all the symbols and rules and the lack of applicability in real life. Not that history was much better in that regard. And yet, it did have a use for him. When the teacher droned on about the pre-Second Impact world, Shinji could almost imagine being there.
A distant world, far away from all the pains he suffered in this one. It did not matter if the topic was on the 20th century, the 19th century, or the pre-industrial age. None of those ages had angels and Evangelions, AT-Fields or prog-knives. And, although Shinji felt almost guilty for thinking that way, those were times when his father had not even been born yet.
Touji of course thought this all a big waste of time, but then he was bored by every class that was not physical education. He seemed to have a certain knack for English, probably because it gave him one more way to blather on and on, but he just put no effort into it. And as for maths, the natural sciences or Japanese... Shinji wondered how Touji had even been able to survive before he had shown up and had become his main source of homework. Kensuke, on the other hand, was actually a fairly good student, just lazy as well, and he also had a certain interest in history... just not in what the teacher had to tell. He was interested in wars and the politics behind them, not how people back then actually lived.
So it was not surprising that Touji celebrated the end of history class, and the beginning of lunch break with a loud and annoyed: "Fiiiiinally!"
Shinji sighed and got his lunch package out of his bag. A shadow fell on him. When he looked up, he was surprised to see Soryu standing at his desk. A fiery appearance full of life, just a metre away from him. He usually stayed away from her, as she seemed constantly displeased with him... something he could not really hold against her. But the strength of her presence, her aura, was undeniable.
Before he could start stuttering stupid stuff, she demanded to know: "Where do you always get those meals, anyway? I know the height of Misato's cooking abilities is sticking stuff in the microwave. And then letting it get burned there."
Shinji had to grin at that. Soryu seemed to have a talent for very apt descriptions, especially when they involved his guardian. The grin died when he thought about how he had left Misato this morning. "I make them. It's the only way to avoid her... 'meals'."
"You do?" Soryu exclaimed. Shinji felt a little bit disappointed in how shocked she sounded. "You must be the only boy in Japan who... nevermind. Is that actually edible?"
"You want a piece?" Shinji offered. With a suspicious look, Soryu took a piece of tempura. It was maybe slightly inappropriate to use fingers, but Shinji had no extra pair of chopsticks with him, so that was okay. For a moment, her eyes widened, before she was back to her normal frown. "Well, I've had better, but it isn't bad for a Japanese boy." Shinji moved a hand to his face to cover a smile. Soryu was very obvious. "And it beats the cafeteria food here, but then that usually falls just short of poisoning the students."
"You could make your own lunch food," Shinji encouraged her. "I'm sure you'd be good at it."
Soryu scoffed. "Little chance while I'm still stuck at that damn hotel. Oh well, NERV's paying the extra costs. Transition easement due to my redeployment, and that includes the daily meals at the cafeteria."
"Ah... that's... good... I suppose..." Shinji stuttered. He felt unsure what to say around Soryu.
Her eyes fixed him in place. Then she grabbed his arm. "Let's go talk somewhere more private, Third."
Shinji was positively shocked. He still manage to grab his lunch box before being dragged outside of the classroom. Touji hooted when he saw what was happening. Finally, Soryu stopped at a staircase.
"So, Shinji..." she began aggressively, but then looked away.
"Uh, yes?" he answered. It was still somewhat weird to be addressed by his personal name, but he did not really mind.
"It's just... what happened three days ago... uh... are you alright?" Soryu asked, suddenly changing her voice in the end.
"I'm fine," Shinji answered. "There were no injuries, and no signs of lasting mental contamination." He paused and looked down. "It's just...."
"Yeah?" Asuka asked, no, demanded to know again.
That made Shinji uncertain, but he could not just leave the topic dangling like that. So he eventually continued, barely above a whisper: "The memories. My mother. Her... not that you would understand..."
Soryu... growled in response. Shocked, Shinji looked up. Whereas 'annoyed' was the Second Child's normal state, now she wore a mask of outright anger.
"You don't get it, do you?" she spat. "None of you do. None of you understand."
And with that, she whirled around and left a confused Shinji behind.
Two days history class in a row should find a mention in the Geneva Conventions. That rambling is more effective than sleeping gas, but would surely fall under 'causing unnecessary harm'.
Asuka liked to stick with maths. Physics and chemistry, where she could use maths, were also all right, but there was something about pure maths... it was exactly its abstract nature that attracted her. It was pure in a way no other subject could be. The only subject where such things as pure platonic ideals truly existed. It was part of the world, but ordered and clear and abstract, unlike the everyday world.
Of course, it also helped that she already had a degree in that subject. And that it required only a minimum of kanji. She did not even need to study for math exams to routinely be at the class' top three. And the only reason why she was not constantly the best was once again that she would still sometimes not fully understand certain questions, due to the kanji involved.
It was just like how the world should ideally be: Easy challenges that she and only she was the best at mastering.
The angels so far had been like that as well. The overgrown trout that had attacked the U.N. Pacific Fleet had been no match for her, and the floating d8 had been safely decommissioned from afar. The first two angels since her deployment to Japan, killed by her. With the next angel, she would have surpassed the Third Child.
Unfortunately, the Evangelion pilots were another matter entirely. There was Rei, who... Asuka shook her head. Thinking about her invariably summoned images of her lying naked below Asuka. Also of her smile at Mt Futago, sometimes, but most of the time those memories were... embarrassing. And unfortunately, reoccurring all too often.
And then there was Shinji. Rei at least had determination and exotic aura. Shinji had... Well, he has information I want, and that's the problem. If he just weren't so goddamn impossible to speak to. Who does he think he is, telling me I wouldn't understand?
She glanced over to him. He actually seemed to pay attention to the teacher. Her eyes narrowed. That just isn't normal. She groaned inwardly. She would have to find another way to approach him today. A way that maybe did not make him talk like an idiot. Somehow.
She was still mulling on how to do that when the class ended. Lunch break. I should use that chance to... She looked up. To her utter surprise, Shinji stood at her table... and did not say anything.
"What do you want?" she asked aggressively.
"I... uh... well," Shinji stuttered.
Asuka was well aware that half the class was looking at the scene. Gottverdammte kleine Voyeure... "Do you have a point to make, Third?"
He held up a box. "It's... well, I'm sorry."
Asuka looked at the box. "Sorry?" He's apologizing yet again?
"For... for offending you yesterday," Shinji explained hastily. "So, I... I thought I had to make it up to you." He held the box out.
With a look of suspicion, Asuka took it and opened it. Her eyes widened when she found a whole array of food inside.
"Verdammt nocheinmal, Dritter..." Asuka muttered. What is he thinking, putting me on the spot like this? For all to see, too! It was not like she had never gotten niceties. Both Misato and Kaji had given her presents on her birthday and on Christmas, despite all the cultural differences with Japan concerning such events. But that someone would just prepare lunch for her, in order to be nice to her, in order to make something up to her... that did affect Asuka. And that in turn annoyed her.
She suddenly raised her head defiantly. "Very well. I'll see if the food is good enough." Shinji was about to turn around again when she added: "Next time, don't assume people won't understand. We..." Normally she would not have said so, but she still had a goal to pursue. "We need to talk about this again. Now that you've learned your lesson." She looked at the lunch box. "...once I'm finished with this."
She watched as Shinji retreated to his friends, who welcomed him with sounds of surprise and loud questions. Behind that scene, she could see Rei at her place... who seemed to watch those proceedings with an intense interest.
Yes, Rei has a friend. She's also developing quite a crush on that friend. Meanwhile, Asuka has a.... "strategical" interest in Shinji. Purely strategical, of course.
It did not matter, of course. Her purpose was not interaction with people. The Scenario did not call for it. But until her purpose would be fulfilled completely, she would have to live in this world, with all the people. On a primal, instinctive level, a level she never felt in any other context, she felt a connection to these people, a will to protect them. But in her everyday life she felt totally alienated from them. So it was nice to be able to rely on a frame of normalcy, like a regular schedule.
And it was nice that this schedule included Ikari. She could not quite say why, but that was in the end irrelevant as well. Her association with Ikari did not hinder the Scenario, and it helped her to endure the time until its completion. That was enough to know.
As for him... Before Mt Futago, Rei had never paid attention to when and why people smiled. It had always been simply something people did, a part of the outside world to which she had felt no connection, like so many parts of that world. But Pilot Soryu's forceful advice still stuck with her. If I should feel happy when something good comes my way, and smile to express that feeling... and that is what I did feel at Mt Futago... then that is true for other people as well. She had noted Soryu herself was smiling a lot, but usually in odd ways, in grins and smirks. Ikari smiled sometimes when he was with Suzuhara and Aida. It was... good that he did, though Rei could not say why, and thus she felt almost grateful to the two.
But Ikari always smiled when he approached her on his way back home.
They were small smiles, subdued smiles and faint smiles. They were one reason she usually just stood there, looking in the direction from where he would come. It was the most logical and efficient way to wait, but beyond that it also meant she would see him before he would see her – and that way she could see every time that smile appearing as soon as he noticed her.
So it also was now. Rei could see Shinji coming up that small hill, could see him looking up to meet her gaze, and could see the corners of his lip curling up.
And inside her, she felt warmth.
"Ikari," she greeted him as he had reached her. "Will you spend the day in the city again?"
He shook his head. "Misato and I have... come to an understanding. I don't know if it'll work, but... I don't think I could have endured more days of tensions at the place where I sleep. I'm just glad we did find a way out of that."
"Oh," Rei merely replied. That's good. It was good Ikari did not have to endure that tension anymore. It was good that the Operations Director and one of her pilots were on agreeable terms again. That was good for the Scenario.
Why, then, did she feel sad?
"It is good that you can return to your usual schedule," she commented.
Ikari looked at her strangely, a bit as if he had not understood what she had just said. "Yes... it's good." He paused, and then eventually began: "Say, Ayanami... you know my father pretty well... do you know..."
He stopped. Eventually, Rei asked: "Do I know what?"
"Does he ever talk about my mother?" Ikari asked.
Rei knew his mother. The Commander spoke of her often enough. "You'll take me to Yui." As such, Rei nodded.
"Does he... did he ever say how she died?" Ikari pushed on.
"It happened in an accident," Rei answered.
"An accident with my EVA?" Ikari asked. Rei nodded. "Then why... then why hasn't Father ever told me anything about it? What happened back then?"
"Yui Ikari was lost in the initial contact experiment with EVA-01," Rei answered. She felt like she was treading on unsteady ground. This fact was of great importance to Commander Ikari. She was... unsure how much she could tell.
"And now my father wants me to pilot that very same unit," Ikari whispered. "The same unit that killed my mother."
"There have been no such accidents with EVAs since 2005," Rei tried to reassure him.
Ikari shook his head. "Even so, my father should have told me. But he probably feared I would not have piloted EVA-01 if I had known."
"Would you have?" Rei asked.
"I don't think I could have said no after..." He looked down and blushed. "After feeling you shaking with pain." Again that feeling of warmth. "But that isn't the point! I... I just want to decide on my own whether I pilot. And if I say no, others should respect that. Instead, they all try to manipulate me into getting into that entry-plug."
"Only you and I can pilot EVA-01," Rei pointed out.
"I know! And I will pilot it," Ikari insisted. "If only to keep my promise. But it hurts when I do. People shouldn't just expect me to do it. It's easy for them to do so, they don't have the experiences that I..." He shook his head.
"You want to be praised for piloting EVA by people?" Rei asked.
"And why not?" Ikari defended himself. "After all, they're all saved because of me, aren't they?" Rei remained silent. That was correct, but it did not feel relevant to her. He eventually seemed to pick up on that: "You don't think so?"
"Only a limited number of people can pilot EVA," Rei argued. "Therefore they should."
"I never asked for that ability," Ikari argued back.
Two completely different sets of ethics, Rei realized. She had a read a bit of philosophy. We are talking past each others.
After a while, Ikari looked down. "I'm sorry if you think I'm being selfish. But I just..."
"No," Ayanami simply stated. Ikari looked up. "It is all right if you have a different opinion. You still pilot EVA. It would be presumptuous to also demand that you do it for a particular reason. It is alright for you to want praise."
Shinji smiled, first faintly, then ever broader. "Thank you, Ayanami."
She tilted her head. She did not understand his reaction. They had talked. She did not see how she had rendered any particular service to Ikari. Even so, she was glad he thought so.
He sighed. "I guess... I just don't want to be treated as a tool. Nobody should be."
Not me, either?
"So, Asuka, what do you think?"
The real estate broker looked politely ahead. She had not understood a word of the question. Kaji was speaking German for just that reason. It allowed the two to speak frankly. Unlike with Misato, one could barely even hear an accent.
"It'll do," Asuka answered in the same language. She sauntered over to Kaji. "It looks like we can make ourselves really comfortable here, don't you think? Our private little love nest."
Kaji just smirked. "You mean like back in Germany?"
That caused Asuka to grimace and turn away from him. The hint about Germany, where all her advances had been rebuffed, did not sit well with her. She looked around the apartment again. "It's a bit small, isn't it? Just like all the others. And isn't there at least a single apartment somewhere with proper doors?"
"Unlikely," Kaji told her. "Truth be told, I've come to rather enjoy European style doors in Germany. Perfect for keeping unwanted people out."
"Exactly!" Asuka exclaimed. "It seems the Japanese are not all that great at building homes." She winked at him. "Your qualities are... elsewhere, right?"
"But this apartment is very near to the inner city, and the price is reasonable," Kaji stated without missing a beat. "I don't think we'll find anything better."
Asuka raised her head defiantly. "Fine. If you say so."
While Kaji went over to the broker to speak about conditions and terms, Asuka walked over to the nearest window and looked outside. The prospect of finally moving out of that hotel room was nice, but she was just getting nowhere with Kaji, and that was frustrating. She knew her current and her former guardian had a thing once. Is he still fixated on her? That would be kinda lame. Bah, I'm sure Misato's tits will begin to sag soon. Especially with how much weight they have. I'll just have to wait. But for how long?
Finally, after some more polite small talk with the broker, Kaji and Asuka could leave her behind in the apartment.
"Only two more weeks in that hotel, Asuka," Kaji told her in Japanese as they went to the car. "Then you'll have a real home again."
Asuka suppressed a Took you long enough. By then she would have stayed in the hotel for over a month. And the housing market in Tokyo-3 did not seem to be all that tight, especially now that the first angels had attacked. Kaji had just been dragging his feet. But she could not say so to him. He had his problems, but he still was considerable better than any boy her age, after all.
"A home together with you again," she instead commented.
Kaji sighed. "Yes. A home together with me."
They got into his car. Finally there was the opportunity to ask the question that had been on her mind for two days already. Now she was with Kaji in an environment with no listeners. Even so, she switched back to German: "Du, Kaji... what do you know about EVA-01?"
Kaji glanced over to her. "What do you mean?"
"Were there any accidents in its creation or activation?" Asuka asked.
Kaji took a second to order his thoughts. "Not that I know of. The Unit is obviously still not completely stable; the sortie against the angel dubbed Sachiel showed that. But it seems they had come a long way from the Prototype. There were no berserk activities upon activation, nothing. At least, as far as the official records are concerned. Why?"
"Shinji told me there was an accident," Asuka told him. "In the original contact experiment. He told me his mother died in it."
"Yui Ikari? The Commander's wife?" Kaji asked back. "That's... interesting. I looked into the Commander's files upon departure to Japan. There is no cause of death listed for his wife. I understand that caused quite a flurry of rumours that he had killed her. That always seemed... highly unlikely to me." He paused. "But she was an expert in the field of metaphysical biology, and a member of the Artificial Evolution Laboratory. The predecessor of GEHIRN and hence, ultimately, NERV."
"So it could have happened?" Asuka asked.
Kaji seemed to ponder that. "You know what, Asuka? Let's go to that high-end supermarket on our way back. You know, the one conveniently located on the other side of the city. And in the meanwhile, you tell me what Shinji has told you."
His facial expression did not change as Asuka did tell him. It nearly never did. He was too self-disciplined for that. Unlike Shinji, whom one could read like a book.
When Kaji spoke again, he sounded dead-serious. "Listen to me, Asuka. Don't tell this to anyone else, understood? Not even Misato. She's part of NERV, after all. And it seems very clear NERV does not want this to become common knowledge. For whatever reason. You were prudent to bring this up here. I regularly check this car for bugs. It would be unwise to talk about this in less safe areas."
"So what should I do now?" Asuka asked. "What will you do?"
"This is important to you, isn't it?" Kaji asked back.
Asuka just glared at him. He knew why that was so. All her guardians and former guardians did. That had always been one of the worst aspects about how NERV had approached her legal status. Not only had she been forced to constantly get used to new people, people with authority over her, it was also that these same people would be told about her mother. It had felt like a constant invasion of her privacy.
"Well, then you should try to find out more," Kaji continued. "Try if you can get more out of Shinji. But – don't use interrogation tactics. They won't work. Just talk normally to him." He grinned. "That's an old maxim in the intelligence business: You can get more information out of a subject in a friendly talk than in a forceful interrogation."
"What do you mean?" Asuka asked.
"If you try to beat the truth out of someone, they'll just tell you what they think you want to hear," Kaji explained. "Not necessarily the truth." His voice suddenly became graver and more quiet. "Not that there aren't still plenty of brutal idiots who don't understand that. People who justify their sadism to themselves by delusions of making the necessary 'hard decisions'." He shook his head and caught himself again. "So, if you're confrontational with Shinji, he'll just think about what best to tell you so as to lose you again. Besides, those memories... they need to come to him again. Gradually, gently. That's best done by just talking about them."
"So that's what I should do?" Asuka could not believe that should be the strategy. "Talk to that idiot like I were his friend or something?"
"Well, he is your colleague, isn't he?" Kaji reminded her. "So you'll just talk to him as a fellow pilot. No big deal. Meanwhile, I'll see what else I can find out about Yui Ikari and Unit 01."
"He isn't exactly the easiest person to talk to," Asuka complained. "All sulks and silence."
Kaji smirked. "Then see that as your challenge. Think about how you can get such a person to talk to you in a friendly manner. Surely, even if you dislike the task, you should be up to it."
Shinji was standing in front of Misato's door, his school bag already on his shoulders, and hesitated.
It was 07:40. He would have to leave the apartment soon to reach school in time. However, Misato was still not up. Once again, it seemed like he would have to wake her. There had always been something comical about a guardian who needed to rely on her ward to assure that she made it to work on time.
...it was not so comical anymore.
The previous evening, she had been all laughter and good spirits, but even by her standards, which involved using every opportunity to sound cheerful, it had sounded hollow. Still, Shinji was glad she had been that way. It made returning things to normal easier on him – something that was already difficult for him as it was. That was also the reason he had not yet told Misato what he had seen inside EVA-00. He did not want to make things even more complicated.
But so far, it had always been her doing that work, the work of going back to where things were. Waking her now would mean him doing likewise. He was unsure if he should. Uncertain if it was appropriate. He wanted to return to normal, but secretly he still doubted he deserved that.
Finally, he turned around and walked out of the apartment.
On his way to school he cursed himself for his cowardice. Once again, he was running away. Just as he had from Ayanami after the incident at her apartment, or indeed Misato after their argument. He stuck his plugs into his ears and started the SDAT player. On the whole way to school, he looked down. It helped him not to think about the world.
He hardly paid any attention to class until history came up. That was not such a bad class, after all. Sure, the teacher had a tendency to ramble, but in a weird way, it was a topic that Shinji could actually connect to. English with all its tenses and verb forms confused him, and maths was nearly as much a foreign language to him, with all the symbols and rules and the lack of applicability in real life. Not that history was much better in that regard. And yet, it did have a use for him. When the teacher droned on about the pre-Second Impact world, Shinji could almost imagine being there.
A distant world, far away from all the pains he suffered in this one. It did not matter if the topic was on the 20th century, the 19th century, or the pre-industrial age. None of those ages had angels and Evangelions, AT-Fields or prog-knives. And, although Shinji felt almost guilty for thinking that way, those were times when his father had not even been born yet.
Touji of course thought this all a big waste of time, but then he was bored by every class that was not physical education. He seemed to have a certain knack for English, probably because it gave him one more way to blather on and on, but he just put no effort into it. And as for maths, the natural sciences or Japanese... Shinji wondered how Touji had even been able to survive before he had shown up and had become his main source of homework. Kensuke, on the other hand, was actually a fairly good student, just lazy as well, and he also had a certain interest in history... just not in what the teacher had to tell. He was interested in wars and the politics behind them, not how people back then actually lived.
So it was not surprising that Touji celebrated the end of history class, and the beginning of lunch break with a loud and annoyed: "Fiiiiinally!"
Shinji sighed and got his lunch package out of his bag. A shadow fell on him. When he looked up, he was surprised to see Soryu standing at his desk. A fiery appearance full of life, just a metre away from him. He usually stayed away from her, as she seemed constantly displeased with him... something he could not really hold against her. But the strength of her presence, her aura, was undeniable.
Before he could start stuttering stupid stuff, she demanded to know: "Where do you always get those meals, anyway? I know the height of Misato's cooking abilities is sticking stuff in the microwave. And then letting it get burned there."
Shinji had to grin at that. Soryu seemed to have a talent for very apt descriptions, especially when they involved his guardian. The grin died when he thought about how he had left Misato this morning. "I make them. It's the only way to avoid her... 'meals'."
"You do?" Soryu exclaimed. Shinji felt a little bit disappointed in how shocked she sounded. "You must be the only boy in Japan who... nevermind. Is that actually edible?"
"You want a piece?" Shinji offered. With a suspicious look, Soryu took a piece of tempura. It was maybe slightly inappropriate to use fingers, but Shinji had no extra pair of chopsticks with him, so that was okay. For a moment, her eyes widened, before she was back to her normal frown. "Well, I've had better, but it isn't bad for a Japanese boy." Shinji moved a hand to his face to cover a smile. Soryu was very obvious. "And it beats the cafeteria food here, but then that usually falls just short of poisoning the students."
"You could make your own lunch food," Shinji encouraged her. "I'm sure you'd be good at it."
Soryu scoffed. "Little chance while I'm still stuck at that damn hotel. Oh well, NERV's paying the extra costs. Transition easement due to my redeployment, and that includes the daily meals at the cafeteria."
"Ah... that's... good... I suppose..." Shinji stuttered. He felt unsure what to say around Soryu.
Her eyes fixed him in place. Then she grabbed his arm. "Let's go talk somewhere more private, Third."
Shinji was positively shocked. He still manage to grab his lunch box before being dragged outside of the classroom. Touji hooted when he saw what was happening. Finally, Soryu stopped at a staircase.
"So, Shinji..." she began aggressively, but then looked away.
"Uh, yes?" he answered. It was still somewhat weird to be addressed by his personal name, but he did not really mind.
"It's just... what happened three days ago... uh... are you alright?" Soryu asked, suddenly changing her voice in the end.
"I'm fine," Shinji answered. "There were no injuries, and no signs of lasting mental contamination." He paused and looked down. "It's just...."
"Yeah?" Asuka asked, no, demanded to know again.
That made Shinji uncertain, but he could not just leave the topic dangling like that. So he eventually continued, barely above a whisper: "The memories. My mother. Her... not that you would understand..."
Soryu... growled in response. Shocked, Shinji looked up. Whereas 'annoyed' was the Second Child's normal state, now she wore a mask of outright anger.
"You don't get it, do you?" she spat. "None of you do. None of you understand."
And with that, she whirled around and left a confused Shinji behind.
Two days history class in a row should find a mention in the Geneva Conventions. That rambling is more effective than sleeping gas, but would surely fall under 'causing unnecessary harm'.
Asuka liked to stick with maths. Physics and chemistry, where she could use maths, were also all right, but there was something about pure maths... it was exactly its abstract nature that attracted her. It was pure in a way no other subject could be. The only subject where such things as pure platonic ideals truly existed. It was part of the world, but ordered and clear and abstract, unlike the everyday world.
Of course, it also helped that she already had a degree in that subject. And that it required only a minimum of kanji. She did not even need to study for math exams to routinely be at the class' top three. And the only reason why she was not constantly the best was once again that she would still sometimes not fully understand certain questions, due to the kanji involved.
It was just like how the world should ideally be: Easy challenges that she and only she was the best at mastering.
The angels so far had been like that as well. The overgrown trout that had attacked the U.N. Pacific Fleet had been no match for her, and the floating d8 had been safely decommissioned from afar. The first two angels since her deployment to Japan, killed by her. With the next angel, she would have surpassed the Third Child.
Unfortunately, the Evangelion pilots were another matter entirely. There was Rei, who... Asuka shook her head. Thinking about her invariably summoned images of her lying naked below Asuka. Also of her smile at Mt Futago, sometimes, but most of the time those memories were... embarrassing. And unfortunately, reoccurring all too often.
And then there was Shinji. Rei at least had determination and exotic aura. Shinji had... Well, he has information I want, and that's the problem. If he just weren't so goddamn impossible to speak to. Who does he think he is, telling me I wouldn't understand?
She glanced over to him. He actually seemed to pay attention to the teacher. Her eyes narrowed. That just isn't normal. She groaned inwardly. She would have to find another way to approach him today. A way that maybe did not make him talk like an idiot. Somehow.
She was still mulling on how to do that when the class ended. Lunch break. I should use that chance to... She looked up. To her utter surprise, Shinji stood at her table... and did not say anything.
"What do you want?" she asked aggressively.
"I... uh... well," Shinji stuttered.
Asuka was well aware that half the class was looking at the scene. Gottverdammte kleine Voyeure... "Do you have a point to make, Third?"
He held up a box. "It's... well, I'm sorry."
Asuka looked at the box. "Sorry?" He's apologizing yet again?
"For... for offending you yesterday," Shinji explained hastily. "So, I... I thought I had to make it up to you." He held the box out.
With a look of suspicion, Asuka took it and opened it. Her eyes widened when she found a whole array of food inside.
"Verdammt nocheinmal, Dritter..." Asuka muttered. What is he thinking, putting me on the spot like this? For all to see, too! It was not like she had never gotten niceties. Both Misato and Kaji had given her presents on her birthday and on Christmas, despite all the cultural differences with Japan concerning such events. But that someone would just prepare lunch for her, in order to be nice to her, in order to make something up to her... that did affect Asuka. And that in turn annoyed her.
She suddenly raised her head defiantly. "Very well. I'll see if the food is good enough." Shinji was about to turn around again when she added: "Next time, don't assume people won't understand. We..." Normally she would not have said so, but she still had a goal to pursue. "We need to talk about this again. Now that you've learned your lesson." She looked at the lunch box. "...once I'm finished with this."
She watched as Shinji retreated to his friends, who welcomed him with sounds of surprise and loud questions. Behind that scene, she could see Rei at her place... who seemed to watch those proceedings with an intense interest.
Yes, Rei has a friend. She's also developing quite a crush on that friend.
Meanwhile, Asuka has a.... "strategical" interest in Shinji. Purely strategical, of course.
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Macros
omnisciently vague councilman
- Location
- Dirac Sea
Am I reading too much into this, or is someone trying to give a hint (without any success)?
And boy, Asuka isn't really good at this whole "friendly talk" thing. To be fair, neither are the two other pilots, and it ended... somewhat okay. Trying to mollify her with food, Shinji? Smart kid.
Anyway, I'm curious to see if there'll be consequences now that most of the cast is aware that Yui died in an EVA-related incident. That's actually a not-insignificant deviation from canon, and I can see it snowballing in... in what, I'm not quite sure, but it might be interesting to behold.
And aah, a line about hard choices. I'm feeling nostalgic already.