Vote winners (with randomized genders):
- Medusa Lamia (female)
- Pink Slime (N/A)
- Heavyweight Centaur (male)
- Small Arachne (male)
"I selected a
Medusa Lamia, a
Pink Slime, a
Heavyweight Centaur, and a
Small Arachne."
"Sounds about right," Jones agreed. "I was wondering who the hell actually approved letting that sex fiend go on a homestay, but an asexual like you is probably the only person a Pink Slime won't be able to commit a crime with."
"Huh?" you ask, slightly confused.
"Guess they didn't feel it was relevant to tell you. The Interspecies Protection Act bestows diplomatic immunity to any individual currently participating in the program," she explained, tone going serious. "It's illegal for any US citizen, including you, to harm your guests in any way. Unfortunately, due to the way they worded it, sex of any kind is currently considered a form of harm. They'll be deported, and you'll be prosecuted."
"Huh."
The fact that sex with the individuals you were hosting wasn't allowed didn't surprise you much. You looking into homestays and other exchange programs before signing up and that was apparently a very common policy. The fact that it was flat out illegal was a bit of a shock though.
"You said harm in any way. What about self-defense?" you ask, your mind automatically switching into 'game mode' as you tried to get a grasp on the rules you would apparently have to work around.
"Still counts. The reverse also applies though. Your guests can't harm a human for any reason without getting deported. Officially its to prevent further victimization and keep people from attacking and retroactively claiming self-defense, but there are enough protesters running around DC waving signs saying "Leviticus 20: 15" that I call bull," Jones said with surprising spitefulness. "It's making my life hell. I'm sure you won't have any problems though. The slime will probably try to get with you for the first few weeks, but you'll be fine if you keep an eye open. Just be aware that the pink ones don't really have a concept of 'no' when it comes to sex, so you'll need to be forceful."
You blink at that. Truth be told you picked a slime because you were curious how the biology of a creature without anatomy could possibly work. The Pink Slime seemed ideal because it wasn't dangerous like the Red or Green Slimes, and the fact that it was perpetually in heat would give you an opportunity to study its reproductive system. It never occurred to you that the slime might try to reproduce with
you. This might be a problem...
"I assume you've already looked over the upgrades they made to your home," Agent Jones said, either not noticing or not caring about your inner turmoil. "Raised floors, widened stairs, structural reinforcement, improved climate control, tile floors, mop stations, heavy-duty plumbing... Pretty standard liminal package."
"Yes, I had the contractors walk me through it when they were installing it," you agree.
You were going to miss some of the carpeting, but you agreed that there was no way to keep it clean with a slime running around. Small arachne apparently weren't big on webs, which would make cleaning up after them easy. The sheer size of the pipes they put in for the new liminal friendly toilets had surprised you until you remembered some of your previous housecalls. They'd need every bit of that to keep up with the amount of waste a centaur could probably produce. The new climate control was nice: you could set the temperature for each individual room all from an app on your phone. You were currently keeping it a bit warmer than you normally would have: the Georgia weather was brutal, but your lamia would probably need it that hot to stay at her peak activity level.
"I'm sure they'll tell you what food they can and can't have, you're already a vet so we can skip the medical crap..." Jones mused, continuing through some form of mental checklist. She apparently remembered something, fishing out five laminated ID cards. "These are their Exchange Visas proving that they're legally registered homestays who have permission to be out on their own. If they don't have these on them, they'll need to be with you and you'll have to have your ID on you to prove you're their host."
"Seems kind of...restrictive," you point out, taking your ID and sliding it into your pocket. You'd put it in your wallet later.
"You have no idea, but God forbid some half-human 'monster' immigrate illegally. I swear, half my paperwork..." she rants. "God damn politicians... could have been CIA, but noooo, I had to go local...
While Jones continues to mutter under her breath, you take the opportunity to scan the ID cards. There aren't any images (shouldn't there have been?), but the names are easy enough to read.
Clyde Threinfhir (had to be the centaur),
Georgia Ssen (the lamia, if the hissing 's' sound was any indicator),
Zophar Gahiji (probably the arachne), and...'
Honey'? The last one was obviously the slime, but you weren't sure if it picked that name itself or if whoever named them was just extremely unoriginal.
"Anyway, last thing. The program is a cultural and labor exchange. Your guests are here to experience human culture and find some form of long-term employment," explained Agent Jones, breaking off her tirade to return to business. "They get one year. After that they can either apply for a work visa or they'll be deported back home. Your job as a host is to help. Take them to interesting places, let them meet people, answer their questions. Figure out what jobs they'd be good at and what subjects they're interested in. This is a cultural exchange, not a dating service."
"I assumed."
You already had some ideas about where to take them too. Liminals were 'in' right now, so a lot of areas and events were trying to make a big show of being 'extra-species friendly'. It wouldn't be hard to find something to do with your guests.
"Alright then. Considering the size of your entry hall, we should probably do this one at a time. Who would you like me to bring in first?"
[ ] Clyde Threinfhir (Heavyweight Centaur)
[ ] Georgia Ssen (Medusa Lamia)
[ ] Zophar Gahiji (Small Arachne)
[ ] Honey (Pink Slime)
[ ] Screw that. They've waited long enough, and you can handle a little chaos. Bring them all in at once!
