Glitchrr36
Slick's Short Company, CEO
- Location
- The Wastes
- Pronouns
- He/Him
[X]"Uh, we had a slight sewer malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?"
Monster Musume Host Quest: Your Life with Monstergirls
- Thread starter Kaelor
- Start date
- Location
- The Great Beyond
- Pronouns
- He/She/They
[X]"Uh, we had a slight sewer malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?"
MON Interlude 1.5
- Location
- My own little world...
[X] Anything happens to those hostages and you're going to be a breakfast side, Porky. Now, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, so slow down and quit screaming.
"Anything happens to those hostages and you're going to be a breakfast side, Porky," you state firmly. "Now, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, so slow down and quit screaming."
"What?! How dare-" The voice on the other end squeals in rage. "The Interspecies Protection Act-!"
"Yeah, yeah. Let me ask you something, Porco Rosso. How much of a fuss do you really think your government is going to make over a bunch of terrorists who were thrown out of Japan twice and killed American citizens in cold blood?"
"My-" snarls the voice, but you only let him get a word in so you could have the pleasure of cutting him off a second time.
"Not done talking, ManBearPig. This cultural exchange shit goes both ways. That's why they call it an exchange. The United States has the largest economy on the planet, Japan has the third. Do you really think your leaders are going to risk pissing off two of the three richest countries in the world over a handful of murderers? They'd probably give me a medal just to get back in our good graces."
"Bah! Money! You know nothing of the cultural heritage of my people! Orcs are a proud race! As if mere money would-"
"Sure, whatever. You're the Orc Cultural Reculturation League, aren't you? Aren't you supposed to be all about restoring that pride? Which implies your people don't currently have it?" You swallow the last of your foul coffee. God, that stuff was terrible. You were almost tempted not to get another cup, it was so bad. "Point is, Miss Piggy, I'm willing to bet my career that if anything happens to those hostages your nation isn't going to give a shit. Maybe I'm wrong, but that won't matter at all to you guys, because if this goes south I'm going to personally make sure you're too full of lead to care. So. Are you going to calm the hell down and tell me what's jumped up your ass, or are you just going to keep wasting my time?"
The voice on the phone growled, long and low.
"I want to speak to the police chief from before."
"Ain't nobody here but us chickens," you tell him with a smirk. "Like it or not, you've got to deal with me now."
"Rrrr-fine! The toilet in here just started spewing sewage! It reeks! What the hell did your men do?"
"Absolutely nothing. Sounds like you should talk to the owner of the store you're currently holding for ransom about taking better care of his pipes."
"Well, fix it!"
"Hmm, let me think...no."
"WHAT?!"
"You really think I give a shit whether or not you're comfortable in there? Anyone I send in to fix your problem is just going to be another person for you to hold hostage the moment they finish. You've got your deal. The calls are being made. Until then, you can wallow around in the filth like a good little piggy."
"Bitch! Who the hell do you think you are?!"
"I'm the woman in charge, Bebop. I may have to go along with your demands, but I sure as hell don't have to like it."
"In that case, perhaps you'll like it a bit less if I were to start breaking some of the hostages' fingers?" You could practically hear his grin over the phone.
"Unplug your ears, idiot," you reply in a bored tone. "We already talked about this. You hurt them, I hurt you."
"Huh huh huh... Oh yes. We kill the hostages, all your toy soldiers start shooting. Of course they would. You've got nothing left to lose. But what if we don't kill them, hmm?" The voice was somewhat smug now. "If we have to be 'uncomfortable', we can make sure all our new friends get to be just as miserable as we are. There are a lot of things we can do without killing them, and our noses will make sure have plenty of time to shoot them all if you try to storm the place. What will your bosses think then, huh?"
Not anymore you won't, you think. The strangely nasal tone of the orc on the phone suggested he wouldn't be smelling anything for a while, so you were 99% positive he was bluffing there. Well, 98% positive. Make that 94 and some change.
"...fine," you spit in fake rage. "I'll call you a fucking plumber. You might have to wait a bit though. It's outside normal business hours, so they won't be answering their phones for a while."
"Find one who will," growls the voice with gleeful malice. "If I haven't gotten a call from a plumber in one hour, I'm going to start taking out my frustrations on the hostages."
You don't digify his final threat with a response, simply hanging up the phone and tossing it into the table. Morvand stares at you in utter horror.
"With all due respect, ma'am, are you out of your mind? Standard protocol in hostage negotiations is to remain calm and respectful while building a rapport!" he exclaims indignantly. "Your reckless antagonization could have provoked him into harming the hostages!"
"Yeah, I was never trained for any of that," you reply, rising to get another cup of that insanely crap-tastic coffee. Ugh, your tastebuds were wincing already. "Look, he thinks he managed to shove the Big Bad Law Lady into a corner. His ego will be satisfied that he's pushing me around despite the attitude I gave him, and the fact that I was so obviously hostile but still wasn't doing anything should convince him that we're going to sit tight."
"Or it will convince him that you aren't going to play along any more and they'll post extra guards," Morvand countered. "Ma'am, if you weren't trained for negotiation, why did you insist on taking over?"
"Seemed like a good idea at the time." You shrug, and while the dragonewt's face remains calm, his tail spasms in a way that looks almost painful. "Anyway, that's the boring stuff out of the way. I'm going to go get those police people to find me a plumber to call in about forty minutes, you start rounding up whatever gear you think we'll need."
"Ma'am, I feel I should respectfully remind you that the deadline-"
"Emergency plumbers are a thing, Morvand," you explain with a sigh. "If someone's pipes burst at two in the morning, they can't afford to let their house flood for seven hours while they wait for an office to open. It won't take long at all to find someone who could come out here. But the pigs don't know that, and I'm not about to correct them. Get with Leka once she's sanitary again and have her help you, she's probably got a list of toys she wants to borrow."
---
An hour or so later (you weren't exactly keeping track), a plumper had dutifully informed your soon-to-be hapless victims that he'd be along in a hour or so to start work, and your team was placing the finishing touches on their gear. Gold had apparently yielded to Morvand's nagging and thrown on an actual shirt under her vest, though that and her strange rifle were all she carried. She seemed to have noticed and frowned when the lizardman passed a pair of flashbangs to Teshima but not to her.
"What, I'm not good enough for grenades?" she objected, glaring at them accusingly.
"The added weight would only make you tire out faster, and we need you to stay aloft as long as possible," Morvand explained calmly. "They would merely be a waste."
"Ugh, fine. I never get to play with anything fun," she muttered, her feet toying with her rifle. You hadn't noticed before, but it was a very bizarre make: the trigger and grip were deformed and vastly oversized, while the butt was flat and angled very strangely.
"It's because I shoot it with my legs," Gold explains tersely, noticing your gaze. She flops to the floor and assumes a simulated firing position, one talon holding the gun steady while the other rests at the trigger. The butt rested against the inside of her thigh. "Takes some practice learning to shoot, but its always fun to watch newbs give it a go. You can always tell the birdbrains, because they just jam the gun between their legs and yank the trigger. That's a mistake no one ever makes twice!"
"I can see why," you remark, before turning to Teshima. "What's going to happen to your gear if you shift?"
"It'll fall off, but that's not a problem," he remarks, checking the laser sight on the assault rifle he now carried. "I'm actually naked under the armor and the tactical netting, so I'll just slide back into them and turn to normal."
"Naked? That's got to chafe."
"You'd be surprised. Ever gone commando, Agent?" His lips slide into a sly smirk. "You really should give it a try at least once."
"Maybe I'm trying it right now," you purr, matching his grin with one of your own. Morvand's face turns scarlet, and Gold bursts into laughter.
"Okay, I think I'm all set!" reports a mechanically distorted voice, and something huge stomps into the tent. "Oh, did someone say something funny? I want to hear!"
Everyone stares at the metal monstrosity for a moment in shock, causing its helmet to tilt to the side in puzzlement. Gold reacts first.
"Alright, who the hell ordered us a freaking Gundam?" She looks the mechanical suit up and down. "And when do I get mine?"
"Oh, this isn't like a mobile suit! It's way too small, for starters," calls Leka's voice from somewhere inside the armored depths. "It's not even powered armor: there's no strength enhancement, just some servos to help move the joints! Well, I mean, I've got some plans for artificial muscles, but I haven't got them working yet. For now, it's mostly just armor."
"I would do this mission for free, just to see the looks on those piggies faces when this thing comes crashing through a wall at them." Gold cackles.
"Well, since she doesn't want it, I suppose I'll take her paycheck then," Teshima states calmly, drawing a glare from the harpy and a laugh from you.
"The team is ready to go," Morvand announces after handing Leka a machine-gun that looks like it probably should have been bolted to the top of a tank somewhere. "Ma'a-Jones, you have our radio frequency and we'll be staying in communication. Still, as Team Leader, is there anything you'd like to say before we deploy?"
Last chance to change the plan, make a rousing speech/more jokes, or do anything else before the mission begins. Any last requests?
[X] Write In
"Anything happens to those hostages and you're going to be a breakfast side, Porky," you state firmly. "Now, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, so slow down and quit screaming."
"What?! How dare-" The voice on the other end squeals in rage. "The Interspecies Protection Act-!"
"Yeah, yeah. Let me ask you something, Porco Rosso. How much of a fuss do you really think your government is going to make over a bunch of terrorists who were thrown out of Japan twice and killed American citizens in cold blood?"
"My-" snarls the voice, but you only let him get a word in so you could have the pleasure of cutting him off a second time.
"Not done talking, ManBearPig. This cultural exchange shit goes both ways. That's why they call it an exchange. The United States has the largest economy on the planet, Japan has the third. Do you really think your leaders are going to risk pissing off two of the three richest countries in the world over a handful of murderers? They'd probably give me a medal just to get back in our good graces."
"Bah! Money! You know nothing of the cultural heritage of my people! Orcs are a proud race! As if mere money would-"
"Sure, whatever. You're the Orc Cultural Reculturation League, aren't you? Aren't you supposed to be all about restoring that pride? Which implies your people don't currently have it?" You swallow the last of your foul coffee. God, that stuff was terrible. You were almost tempted not to get another cup, it was so bad. "Point is, Miss Piggy, I'm willing to bet my career that if anything happens to those hostages your nation isn't going to give a shit. Maybe I'm wrong, but that won't matter at all to you guys, because if this goes south I'm going to personally make sure you're too full of lead to care. So. Are you going to calm the hell down and tell me what's jumped up your ass, or are you just going to keep wasting my time?"
The voice on the phone growled, long and low.
"I want to speak to the police chief from before."
"Ain't nobody here but us chickens," you tell him with a smirk. "Like it or not, you've got to deal with me now."
"Rrrr-fine! The toilet in here just started spewing sewage! It reeks! What the hell did your men do?"
"Absolutely nothing. Sounds like you should talk to the owner of the store you're currently holding for ransom about taking better care of his pipes."
"Well, fix it!"
"Hmm, let me think...no."
"WHAT?!"
"You really think I give a shit whether or not you're comfortable in there? Anyone I send in to fix your problem is just going to be another person for you to hold hostage the moment they finish. You've got your deal. The calls are being made. Until then, you can wallow around in the filth like a good little piggy."
"Bitch! Who the hell do you think you are?!"
"I'm the woman in charge, Bebop. I may have to go along with your demands, but I sure as hell don't have to like it."
"In that case, perhaps you'll like it a bit less if I were to start breaking some of the hostages' fingers?" You could practically hear his grin over the phone.
"Unplug your ears, idiot," you reply in a bored tone. "We already talked about this. You hurt them, I hurt you."
"Huh huh huh... Oh yes. We kill the hostages, all your toy soldiers start shooting. Of course they would. You've got nothing left to lose. But what if we don't kill them, hmm?" The voice was somewhat smug now. "If we have to be 'uncomfortable', we can make sure all our new friends get to be just as miserable as we are. There are a lot of things we can do without killing them, and our noses will make sure have plenty of time to shoot them all if you try to storm the place. What will your bosses think then, huh?"
Not anymore you won't, you think. The strangely nasal tone of the orc on the phone suggested he wouldn't be smelling anything for a while, so you were 99% positive he was bluffing there. Well, 98% positive. Make that 94 and some change.
"...fine," you spit in fake rage. "I'll call you a fucking plumber. You might have to wait a bit though. It's outside normal business hours, so they won't be answering their phones for a while."
"Find one who will," growls the voice with gleeful malice. "If I haven't gotten a call from a plumber in one hour, I'm going to start taking out my frustrations on the hostages."
You don't digify his final threat with a response, simply hanging up the phone and tossing it into the table. Morvand stares at you in utter horror.
"With all due respect, ma'am, are you out of your mind? Standard protocol in hostage negotiations is to remain calm and respectful while building a rapport!" he exclaims indignantly. "Your reckless antagonization could have provoked him into harming the hostages!"
"Yeah, I was never trained for any of that," you reply, rising to get another cup of that insanely crap-tastic coffee. Ugh, your tastebuds were wincing already. "Look, he thinks he managed to shove the Big Bad Law Lady into a corner. His ego will be satisfied that he's pushing me around despite the attitude I gave him, and the fact that I was so obviously hostile but still wasn't doing anything should convince him that we're going to sit tight."
"Or it will convince him that you aren't going to play along any more and they'll post extra guards," Morvand countered. "Ma'am, if you weren't trained for negotiation, why did you insist on taking over?"
"Seemed like a good idea at the time." You shrug, and while the dragonewt's face remains calm, his tail spasms in a way that looks almost painful. "Anyway, that's the boring stuff out of the way. I'm going to go get those police people to find me a plumber to call in about forty minutes, you start rounding up whatever gear you think we'll need."
"Ma'am, I feel I should respectfully remind you that the deadline-"
"Emergency plumbers are a thing, Morvand," you explain with a sigh. "If someone's pipes burst at two in the morning, they can't afford to let their house flood for seven hours while they wait for an office to open. It won't take long at all to find someone who could come out here. But the pigs don't know that, and I'm not about to correct them. Get with Leka once she's sanitary again and have her help you, she's probably got a list of toys she wants to borrow."
---
An hour or so later (you weren't exactly keeping track), a plumper had dutifully informed your soon-to-be hapless victims that he'd be along in a hour or so to start work, and your team was placing the finishing touches on their gear. Gold had apparently yielded to Morvand's nagging and thrown on an actual shirt under her vest, though that and her strange rifle were all she carried. She seemed to have noticed and frowned when the lizardman passed a pair of flashbangs to Teshima but not to her.
"What, I'm not good enough for grenades?" she objected, glaring at them accusingly.
"The added weight would only make you tire out faster, and we need you to stay aloft as long as possible," Morvand explained calmly. "They would merely be a waste."
"Ugh, fine. I never get to play with anything fun," she muttered, her feet toying with her rifle. You hadn't noticed before, but it was a very bizarre make: the trigger and grip were deformed and vastly oversized, while the butt was flat and angled very strangely.
"It's because I shoot it with my legs," Gold explains tersely, noticing your gaze. She flops to the floor and assumes a simulated firing position, one talon holding the gun steady while the other rests at the trigger. The butt rested against the inside of her thigh. "Takes some practice learning to shoot, but its always fun to watch newbs give it a go. You can always tell the birdbrains, because they just jam the gun between their legs and yank the trigger. That's a mistake no one ever makes twice!"
"I can see why," you remark, before turning to Teshima. "What's going to happen to your gear if you shift?"
"It'll fall off, but that's not a problem," he remarks, checking the laser sight on the assault rifle he now carried. "I'm actually naked under the armor and the tactical netting, so I'll just slide back into them and turn to normal."
"Naked? That's got to chafe."
"You'd be surprised. Ever gone commando, Agent?" His lips slide into a sly smirk. "You really should give it a try at least once."
"Maybe I'm trying it right now," you purr, matching his grin with one of your own. Morvand's face turns scarlet, and Gold bursts into laughter.
"Okay, I think I'm all set!" reports a mechanically distorted voice, and something huge stomps into the tent. "Oh, did someone say something funny? I want to hear!"
Everyone stares at the metal monstrosity for a moment in shock, causing its helmet to tilt to the side in puzzlement. Gold reacts first.
"Alright, who the hell ordered us a freaking Gundam?" She looks the mechanical suit up and down. "And when do I get mine?"
"Oh, this isn't like a mobile suit! It's way too small, for starters," calls Leka's voice from somewhere inside the armored depths. "It's not even powered armor: there's no strength enhancement, just some servos to help move the joints! Well, I mean, I've got some plans for artificial muscles, but I haven't got them working yet. For now, it's mostly just armor."
"I would do this mission for free, just to see the looks on those piggies faces when this thing comes crashing through a wall at them." Gold cackles.
"Well, since she doesn't want it, I suppose I'll take her paycheck then," Teshima states calmly, drawing a glare from the harpy and a laugh from you.
"The team is ready to go," Morvand announces after handing Leka a machine-gun that looks like it probably should have been bolted to the top of a tank somewhere. "Ma'a-Jones, you have our radio frequency and we'll be staying in communication. Still, as Team Leader, is there anything you'd like to say before we deploy?"
Last chance to change the plan, make a rousing speech/more jokes, or do anything else before the mission begins. Any last requests?
[X] Write In
- Location
- Europe
[X] Just remind them that getting hostages takes priority over shooting Orcs. They are supposed to be professionals, they should know how this works.
- Location
- Rochester, NY
[X] I hope one of you brought a camera, I really do want to see those little piggies' reactions when Leka makes her entrance.
Typo there. Plumper should be plumber.
Typo there. Plumper should be plumber.
rkyeun
Cabbitus Maximus
- Location
- ◕ ‿‿ ◕
You know, in a world where orcs are real, I can't imagine there not being enough porn of them. We have tons of orc porn, and they're not even real. Live action guys in pigsuits, live action girls with CGI orcs, animated stuff, more drawings than you could view without getting put on a watchlist... And nearly all of it rape-themed.
Couldn't we just point them to orcked.com? Hell, as the first legal immigrants they probably could have gotten jobs in the budding industry. But no, they had to take hostages. Now their ass is bacon, and this is a snuff flick.
Couldn't we just point them to orcked.com? Hell, as the first legal immigrants they probably could have gotten jobs in the budding industry. But no, they had to take hostages. Now their ass is bacon, and this is a snuff flick.
- Location
- Who Knows
LOLLLL, lets be honest, it's really stupid of them. But also-
[X] Just remind them that getting hostages takes priority over shooting Orcs. They are supposed to be professionals, they should know how this works.
Despite us being super salty over these assholes, priority one is hostages, and also if we don't need to put any more holes into them, then don't.
rkyeun
Cabbitus Maximus
- Location
- ◕ ‿‿ ◕
In Soviet Russia, hostage negotiation begin with shoot hostage so orc know where stand. Negotiate with orc lands for how many more orc we kill. Somewhere in middle, mail severed genitals to orc family. Not many hostage taking in Soviet Russia. VERY professional.
Last edited:
- Location
- Who Knows
Hey, its something to say, and I'm supposing it's a reminder from Jones to the team that this is the behavior that's considered professional in America at least. That's what I got from the write-in at least ^ - ^
- Location
- ⇙
This team is great. They already have developed a great dynamic.
QuantumPuppy
Your Friendly Neighbourhood Phototograhpy Raptor
- Location
- The New World
Actually, that almost makes me wonder how more...uptight countries like Russia would deal with Liminals. But as for the vote:
[X] Just remind them that getting hostages takes priority over shooting Orcs. They are supposed to be professionals, they should know how this works.
[X] Just remind them that getting hostages takes priority over shooting Orcs. They are supposed to be professionals, they should know how this works.
-[X] "Got a camera somewhere in that suit, Leka?"
Our recording of this operation would provide valuable intel onNOT handling liminal-involved hostage situations in the future.
All right, one more time:
NAAAAAA NANANAAAA NANANAAAAA
-[X] "Got a camera somewhere in that suit, Leka?"
Our recording of this operation would provide valuable intel on
All right, one more time:
NAAAAAA NANANAAAA NANANAAAAA
QuantumPuppy
Your Friendly Neighbourhood Phototograhpy Raptor
- Location
- The New World
Actually,since we're going to besiege them with a walking tank, this might be more appropriate:
Glitchrr36
Slick's Short Company, CEO
- Location
- The Wastes
- Pronouns
- He/Him
[X] Just remind them that getting hostages takes priority over shooting Orcs. They are supposed to be professionals, they should know how this works.
[X] Just remind them that getting hostages takes priority over shooting Orcs. They are supposed to be professionals, they should know how this works.
[X] Just remind them that getting hostages takes priority over shooting Orcs. They are supposed to be professionals, they should know how this works.
-[X] "Got a camera somewhere in that suit, Leka?"
--[X] "OK, team! Shoot to Thrill!"
-[X] "Got a camera somewhere in that suit, Leka?"
--[X] "OK, team! Shoot to Thrill!"
- Pronouns
- They/Them
[X] Just remind them that getting hostages takes priority over shooting Orcs. They are supposed to be professionals, they should know how this works.
-[X] "Got a camera somewhere in that suit, Leka?"
-[X] "Got a camera somewhere in that suit, Leka?"
MON Interlude 1.6
- Location
- My own little world...
[X] Just remind them that getting hostages takes priority over shooting Orcs. They are supposed to be professionals, they should know how this works.
-[X] "Got a camera somewhere in that suit, Leka?"
Your face turns serious for once.
"You guys are supposed to be professionals, and I expect you to act like it. You know the drill: the hostages are the number one priority. Taking out the orcs is a secondary objective." Morvand nods approvingly, though Gold just rolls her eyes. Teshima looks at you thoughtfully, while Leka's battle suit completely hides even her body posture. "Get those people out, alive and in as few pieces as is in-humanly possible. We clear?"
"Crystal, ma'am."
"Yeah, whatever..."
"We're clear."
"You got it, boss!"
"Good." You turn to Leka and smirk. "Now, that thing wouldn't happen to have a camera in it, would it?"
"Um, yeah, actually!" she agrees, her cheerful tone muffled behind opaque glass and metal plates. "I use it so I can track the suit's performance and make improvements. Now that I think about it, it's got a wireless connection, I could probably stream the footage to you live."
"Excellent thinking, ma'am," Morvand stated in slightly proud tone. "Once you're hooked up to the feed, you should be able to assess the situation in real time and issue new orders while remaining safely off site."
"I was just thinking that I wanted to see those pigs wet themselves when you all burst in, but sure, let's go with that," you remark with a shrug, causing him to freeze in horror and both Gold and Teshima to burst out laughing. "Leka, set me up and then let's get this show on the road!"
In retrospect, easier said than done. Getting a laptop hooked up to the cyclops' camera was surprisingly tricky, but the delay had been somewhat useful. As Morvand could only glide on the best of days and Teshima couldn't assume a flying form while wearing his gear, a large crane had to be brought in to give your team some altitude to work with. Keeping it hidden was also somewhat tricky, though you were able to find a combination of buildings and trees to mostly screen it from view.
"Okay, are you getting this?" Leka asks over the radio.
"Yep, coming through just fine," you agree, sipping some more of the road tar these people claimed was coffee. You sort of thought you'd get used to it, but it actually got worse the more you drank. "You guys can go whenever."
"Confirmed. All units, begin mission!" Morvand calls, his voice only barely sounding injured at your utterly unprofessional signal to start their attack.
"There are four of us, we're not 'units'," Gold points out, her words muffled the sounds of sudden movement. You lower the volume to save your ears as wind suddenly howls through three of the microphones. Leka begins moving on foot, and to your surprise the feed from her helmet doesn't immediately dissolve into a jumble of shakey-cam: those autostablizers she installed must be the real deal.
"Cut the chatter, Four!" he yells over the wind, and you frown. He'd insisted on everyone having 'callsigns', because apparently using names would take too long or some other military bullshit. Teshima and Gold had immediately attempted to suggest names that were insanely lengthy, utterly unpronounceable, profane enough to make even you blush, or some combination of the above, but eventually you backed him up. He was One, Teshima was Two, Leka was Three, and Gold was Four. You got to be Lead, because if they all had to have stupid names then apparently so did you. You sigh as Morvand continued speaking. "Essential communication traffic only!"
Gold mutters something into her mic that sounds suspiciously like 'fuck off, lizard face'.
"Didn't read, Four, say again!"
"I said 'Affirmative, One'," Gold answers in the least sincere tone you've ever heard, but apparently Morvand is willing to take what few victories he can get.
You see a trio of shadows swoop into view through Leka's camera, gliding down toward the distant objective. They swiftly outdistance the slower giant, which was fine. Everyone had agreed that she should make a slow approach at first, just in case the orcs really had posted sentries. Her armor was about as subtle as a truck.
"Eyes on the target," Gold reports, probably the first serious thing she's said all day. Apparently she really could be professional if she wanted to. "I've got a thermal updraft, I'm pulling up. Don't land on the roof, either of you, you'll make noise."
"Confirmed, Four. On our final approach."
A pair of soft thumps follows, and the wind in the background dies. A chat window appears at the bottom of Leka's camera feed, still showing the cyclops plodding carefully toward the distant building.
One: Landing confirmed. No hostiles detected. Two shifting to begin sweep.
"Good job," you say, wishing you had feeds for the others. Just watching Leka was kinda boring. Well, sitting in the office was kind of boring too, but like hell you were volunteering to go get shot at. "Keep us in the loop."
"Okay, he's in," Gold reports over the howl of the wind. "No reactions yet, I think we're clear."
"Wait for his signal," you order calmly. "We're not taking any chances with those hostages."
"Yeah, yeah..."
By the time Teshima reports back, you've finished your 'coffee', have blown yourself up three times in Minesweeper, and are trying to decide if it would be worth it to go get even more of the toxic black goo.
"Two reporting. Recon complete. I slipped in as a snake and looked around: no sentries. It reeks in there: the targets have their shirts tied over their faces to cover their noses. Hostages are tied up along the north wall, no injuries besides some bruising and soiled trousers. They've got a projector rigged up and are playing some movie called 'Princess Sluts II: The Conquest'. It's getting to a good part, so if we act right now I think we can afford to be a bit loud."
"Negative. Too risky," hissed Morvand. "Stick to the plan."
"They're fucking miserable in there, One. They're pissed and that dumb movie is probably the only thing keeping them from calling our bluff or taking out their frustrations on the hostages." Teshima countered. "The faster we move, the safer those people will be. It's worth the risk."
"If we get exposed, they'll be worse than roughed up. Stick to the plan."
"It's not your call to make," pointed out the shapeshifter. "Lead, keep it slow or kick into overdrive?"
[ ] Slow and steady. The plan is good, we like the plan. Morvand is the professional, it's why you picked him. Don't get greedy.
[ ] Seize the opportunity. If Teshima is right, delay will be just as dangerous to the hostages as haste. Besides, orcs and porn can't miss!
-[X] "Got a camera somewhere in that suit, Leka?"
Your face turns serious for once.
"You guys are supposed to be professionals, and I expect you to act like it. You know the drill: the hostages are the number one priority. Taking out the orcs is a secondary objective." Morvand nods approvingly, though Gold just rolls her eyes. Teshima looks at you thoughtfully, while Leka's battle suit completely hides even her body posture. "Get those people out, alive and in as few pieces as is in-humanly possible. We clear?"
"Crystal, ma'am."
"Yeah, whatever..."
"We're clear."
"You got it, boss!"
"Good." You turn to Leka and smirk. "Now, that thing wouldn't happen to have a camera in it, would it?"
"Um, yeah, actually!" she agrees, her cheerful tone muffled behind opaque glass and metal plates. "I use it so I can track the suit's performance and make improvements. Now that I think about it, it's got a wireless connection, I could probably stream the footage to you live."
"Excellent thinking, ma'am," Morvand stated in slightly proud tone. "Once you're hooked up to the feed, you should be able to assess the situation in real time and issue new orders while remaining safely off site."
"I was just thinking that I wanted to see those pigs wet themselves when you all burst in, but sure, let's go with that," you remark with a shrug, causing him to freeze in horror and both Gold and Teshima to burst out laughing. "Leka, set me up and then let's get this show on the road!"
In retrospect, easier said than done. Getting a laptop hooked up to the cyclops' camera was surprisingly tricky, but the delay had been somewhat useful. As Morvand could only glide on the best of days and Teshima couldn't assume a flying form while wearing his gear, a large crane had to be brought in to give your team some altitude to work with. Keeping it hidden was also somewhat tricky, though you were able to find a combination of buildings and trees to mostly screen it from view.
"Okay, are you getting this?" Leka asks over the radio.
"Yep, coming through just fine," you agree, sipping some more of the road tar these people claimed was coffee. You sort of thought you'd get used to it, but it actually got worse the more you drank. "You guys can go whenever."
"Confirmed. All units, begin mission!" Morvand calls, his voice only barely sounding injured at your utterly unprofessional signal to start their attack.
"There are four of us, we're not 'units'," Gold points out, her words muffled the sounds of sudden movement. You lower the volume to save your ears as wind suddenly howls through three of the microphones. Leka begins moving on foot, and to your surprise the feed from her helmet doesn't immediately dissolve into a jumble of shakey-cam: those autostablizers she installed must be the real deal.
"Cut the chatter, Four!" he yells over the wind, and you frown. He'd insisted on everyone having 'callsigns', because apparently using names would take too long or some other military bullshit. Teshima and Gold had immediately attempted to suggest names that were insanely lengthy, utterly unpronounceable, profane enough to make even you blush, or some combination of the above, but eventually you backed him up. He was One, Teshima was Two, Leka was Three, and Gold was Four. You got to be Lead, because if they all had to have stupid names then apparently so did you. You sigh as Morvand continued speaking. "Essential communication traffic only!"
Gold mutters something into her mic that sounds suspiciously like 'fuck off, lizard face'.
"Didn't read, Four, say again!"
"I said 'Affirmative, One'," Gold answers in the least sincere tone you've ever heard, but apparently Morvand is willing to take what few victories he can get.
You see a trio of shadows swoop into view through Leka's camera, gliding down toward the distant objective. They swiftly outdistance the slower giant, which was fine. Everyone had agreed that she should make a slow approach at first, just in case the orcs really had posted sentries. Her armor was about as subtle as a truck.
"Eyes on the target," Gold reports, probably the first serious thing she's said all day. Apparently she really could be professional if she wanted to. "I've got a thermal updraft, I'm pulling up. Don't land on the roof, either of you, you'll make noise."
"Confirmed, Four. On our final approach."
A pair of soft thumps follows, and the wind in the background dies. A chat window appears at the bottom of Leka's camera feed, still showing the cyclops plodding carefully toward the distant building.
One: Landing confirmed. No hostiles detected. Two shifting to begin sweep.
"Good job," you say, wishing you had feeds for the others. Just watching Leka was kinda boring. Well, sitting in the office was kind of boring too, but like hell you were volunteering to go get shot at. "Keep us in the loop."
"Okay, he's in," Gold reports over the howl of the wind. "No reactions yet, I think we're clear."
"Wait for his signal," you order calmly. "We're not taking any chances with those hostages."
"Yeah, yeah..."
By the time Teshima reports back, you've finished your 'coffee', have blown yourself up three times in Minesweeper, and are trying to decide if it would be worth it to go get even more of the toxic black goo.
"Two reporting. Recon complete. I slipped in as a snake and looked around: no sentries. It reeks in there: the targets have their shirts tied over their faces to cover their noses. Hostages are tied up along the north wall, no injuries besides some bruising and soiled trousers. They've got a projector rigged up and are playing some movie called 'Princess Sluts II: The Conquest'. It's getting to a good part, so if we act right now I think we can afford to be a bit loud."
"Negative. Too risky," hissed Morvand. "Stick to the plan."
"They're fucking miserable in there, One. They're pissed and that dumb movie is probably the only thing keeping them from calling our bluff or taking out their frustrations on the hostages." Teshima countered. "The faster we move, the safer those people will be. It's worth the risk."
"If we get exposed, they'll be worse than roughed up. Stick to the plan."
"It's not your call to make," pointed out the shapeshifter. "Lead, keep it slow or kick into overdrive?"
[ ] Slow and steady. The plan is good, we like the plan. Morvand is the professional, it's why you picked him. Don't get greedy.
[ ] Seize the opportunity. If Teshima is right, delay will be just as dangerous to the hostages as haste. Besides, orcs and porn can't miss!