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Mental Omega reads Terrible Fanfiction and Original Fiction

That's a lot more entertaining if you read it in the retsupurae Ridley voice.



Mental Omega said:
Spider Jerusalem; take it away.
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You're getting your bald asshole comic book characters written by British/Scottish/Irish writers mixed up. I mean, I don't blame you theres like a dozen of them.

MissingJimbo said:
There's also Attack of the 50 Foot Suki, or 30 Hs.
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Man, 30 Hs is awesome. You don't even know.

Not to mention short...
 
Reveen said:
That's a lot more entertaining if you read it in the retsupurae Ridley voice.





You're getting your bald asshole comic book characters written by British/Scottish/Irish writers mixed up. I mean, I don't blame you theres like a dozen of them.



Man, 30 Hs is awesome. You don't even know.

Not to mention short...
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It manages to get progressively sillier and more ridiculous with each chapter from what I'm reading.

I checked the unrated version of chapter 3 to see if it was deserving of the M rating and while I can see it's an emphatic no because of its complete nondescription of sexual activity (even my immortal is more intimate), I'll check it with a mod first.

Oh and did I? Who's the guy blowing holes in the papers then?
 
Sorry about my prolonged absence but I had a lot of things to do over the week.


Oh god, please don't show me what you consider to be "Dark and Edgy". Your light-hearted stuff is crappy enough as it is. And hey Game-Dude, whoever you are? Let me say this, fuck you. :mad:



Honestly? I'll let the whole relationship length thing pass. Works I actually like have long lived teenaged relationships so it'd be hypocritical of me to lambast it here. But here's a tip for any fanfic writers out there, if you cannot consistently spell the main character's name correctly, you should probably avoid writing fanfiction about that series.


Even I'm not this awkward with my girlfriend. And jeeze, you'd think that after six months of a lovey dovey perfectly arranged in the heavens themselves relationship that they'd know what interests each other?

Also, please consider the usage of the word "said", your fumbling through a thesaurus is awkward and terrible. No seriously, you're using words to avoid saying "said" with very little regard for what they actually mean, frequently resulting in gems like "Ridley made conversely" which not only looks silly, it makes absolutely no grammatical sense whatsoever.



That's it, this author has not only never had sex, they've never even seen a porno or read any non-terrible smut in their entire god damn lives. This is not how people have their first times. Also "Ridley seemed unholy", well I think that "Unholy" describes the things you have done to his character in order to turn him into your husbando just fine.

"Well, you know how... uhhh... you see..." Ridley seemed unholy

"Ridley? I understand what you mean" Samus understood.

"That we should play mario kart to bond more?"

"...I'm dumping you."



Man, I wish I could yell loud enough to wake up the entire neighborhood from inside the bedroom of a house. And seriously? Ridley, you need better fucking friends or the knowledge of how to use google. :V

Honestly, this is another one of those segments that's just blandly terrible, it's not particularly stand out, but it's just soul sucking in the monotony of it's low quality. Ugh, pass. Next scene please!



"The cholera". Cholera is something you get from what you eat miss, it's not passed around like the rhinovirus.

And really, I cannot take your story seriously if you keep on using your ridiculous god damn username in its *entirety* in every reference to your self insert. I mean, your story is already ridiculous and stupid but this just pushes it to a whole new level.

And can I please learn more about who the hell Helen, Mandy and your other supporting characters are? I still don't know the slightest thing about them other than that they're Samus' friends. If you're expecting me to get invested in them at all then you had better start giving me some insight into them.





The melodrama is real.

And what the blue monkey hell is "distruseted" supposed to mean?





I'm sorry, there's just really nothing I can add to the gloriousness of this moment. It's absolutely perfect in it's complete ineptitude and stupidity. This is the "Tommy Wiseau rants and throws a water bottle before saying "O hai mark" of fanfiction, the nirvana of terrible writing. Good for you, advance to the next station of the cycle of reincarnation and continue on your path to enlightenment as you progress on the dharma wheel.

Good gods.




Okay you want my review then? This chapter is just ungodly stupid from start to finish. From it's terrible portrayal of relationships to its melodramatics that Chilean soap operas would laugh at to your complete and utter inability to proofread or make use of the spellcheck function in microsoft word to your seeming inability to fix any of the numerous complaints the three hundred reviews lobbed at you raised. And no, it's way too late to apologize for your typos. These are not hard and complicated words to spell, and you most certainly don't have any excuse to get Samus' name constantly fucking wrong.

I'd be less harsh if you ever actually improved but glancing at your other "gems", no, you never get better. In all your time on FF.net you manage to be consistently terrible, either making you a truly dedicated troll or just someone who flat out isn't cut out for writing. And you know what? That's okay, not everyone can be an artist and not everyone can be a writer. If you can't manage any sort of commitment to quality in your works, it's probably for the best that you don't keep forcing it onto the internet.
 
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"Yes Ridley?" Samus question answered
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"Dude, I have a life, you know," 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006 controversially declared."
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Then he heard Samus say four words that would change her life. "Ridley... I'm pragenent.
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Truly the work of a genius artist. :V But that username is aggravating and seeing it in a story each and every time without contractions or abbreviations or whatever-tions is even worse. :mad:
 

Guys, why do you keep on feeding terrible writers with troll reviews to see how bad it can get? You're enabling a bad habit and I think ya'll need to stop. If you don't give her honest criticism she is never going to get better, though to be fair the really terrible fanfic writers tend to be the kinds of people who never seem to get better, and looking at her portfolio of work...I'm very pessimistic she ever shows signs of improvement. Except you hunter001, you're a fucking hero to the human race.



May the Gods bless you and your deeds you legend.





You may think this is premature, but as you read through her work, you really do get the impression that miss Samusridley4evachan hasn't the slightest clue what half the words she's using actually mean. Conspiracy is just one of them. A conspiracy would mean that somebody had tried planning out the...painfully stupid events revealed below. Given that this is a metroid AU that strips out everything that makes metroid metroid (i.e, brings it down to a modern day high school setting), I really don't think that definition should be brought within a ten kilometer radius of this story. The only conspiracy here is the author's railroading of events.



Sweet blue monkey twelfth dimensional atomic laser viking Jesus on a pogostick, what the fuck kind of Doctor is Bannus? Those are not the words of a respected practitioner of medicine, that's what some nutty faith healer tells you. I'm sorry, I know that I really need to suspend my disbelief to just accept that nothing shown here has anything to do with Metroid, but no, I can't get over that. That is simply not what a Doctor should be saying, I mean fucking Doctor Cox and House have more tact and their characters are all about being assholes.

But let's see what she caught from her sexual escapades.






You know, Doctor Bannus being a nutcase faith healer perfectly explains his apparent complete ignorance about which diseases are STDs and which ones aren't. Because nobody who has a medical Doctorate has any right to make a whoopseedoo of that magnitude. It's like an army general pointing at a jeep and saying "Leclerc main battle tank". They're both vehicles but otherwise you're pretty much wrong in every way there is to be wrong.

Also, am I alone in absolutely loving how dramatically they namedrop Cholera? It's not even cholera, it's "The Cholera". I mean, you can almost hear the cheesy scare chord and the thunder cracking in the distance. It's just so perfect of a farce as to transcend understanding and enter the realms of the surreal in how nonsensically melodramatic it is. This is like, the Dada of high school AUs, if Dada were an objectively shitty painter trying to ram a nonsensical coupling down his audience's throats.




Miss, you're almost certainly in America where your chances of dying from Cholera are in the same ballpark as your chances of death by lightning strike.

And the only way you and Ridley could have contracted it is if you had literally eaten shit. There is quite simply pretty much no other way to get the disease. So that means the both of you, are in fact, literal shit eaters.



Okay, firstly, if this is what 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006 considers to be "grilling" someone then I'm flabberghasted at the idea of what she would consider to be "casual inquiry" because that is seriously the weakest fucking grilling I've ever seen anyone get. Gordon Ramsay and Detective Stabler are looking at you with utter disgust.

Also "Helen... I have... THE CHOLERA!" she declared with a vengeance" has got to be one of the silliest lines I have ever read. No really, there's just no way people are going to be able to unironically partake in the gravitas you think you're giving that sentence because all that's coming off of that is us imagining dramatic readings in our heads and having a giggle.

And oh boy, the Author Avatar also has cholera. Do you know what that means? The story's author literally eats shit. Dear lord this is a god damn gold mine of unintentional comedy. Like, this is what sells me on this not being a troll job, it is really hard to intentionally be reach this level of "so bad it's good".



Also the Author is quite fond of the Dragon D.

You know, I get the feeling that if the story focused on miss 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006 some more and this story were rather longer, we'd basically have a mary sue self insert to rival if not cast down Ebony/Enoby/Evony Dark'ness Dimentia Raven/TARA Way's place on her throne of terrible fucking self inserts. Like, it's things like this that poison the whole concept of the SI in fanfiction to me.



How the hell was that scorning her? And what's with that sudden transfer to the first person? I'm presuming the author forgot an "t" at "I was too much to handle" but this work has left me wondering about a lot of things as of late. Finally "delivered with dark passion", is generally the prelude to the bumping of uglies in lemon fics, I really don't think you're getting your intended meanings across by slapping random words in.



Or you could, I dunno, take the effort to name some random people without outsourcing it to the internet? It's not exactly very hard. And I'm absolutely sure that 100% of the requests to be in the story were all trolljobs.
 
Mental Omega said:
This is like, the Dada of high school AUs, if Dada were an objectively shitty painter trying to ram a nonsensical coupling down his audience's throats.
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I thought that was covered under the 'high school AU' part?

Or are you figuring that the Dada part needs to cover it too because just once isn't enough to truly grasp the meaning?
 
Pale Wolf said:
I thought that was covered under the 'high school AU' part?

Or are you figuring that the Dada part needs to cover it too because just once isn't enough to truly grasp the meaning?
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Even by high school AUs this is a particularly nonsensical and awful work. From what I gather, it basically nosedives in sanity in the most spectacular manner with each chapter you go into it. So in other words; it actually still gets worse.
 
Do they... do they mean chlamydia? They mean chlamydia, right? Because that's- I- no. It still doesn't make any fucking sense that way!

Also, I get a laugh out of reading 111SamusRidley4EVAR2006's name in its entirety. Like, read it aloud each time it appears to get a true idea of how stupid it is.
 
Also I found on her profile that her excuse for putting down her username is because



I shit you not.
 
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