Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest (STORY ONLY)

Chapter 79: Attention to Details

Emiya Manako was above average height for a woman (which is to say she towered over Mari), with rich brown hair in a tight bun, and an austere white dress, all straight lines, its only concession to femininity being a touch of lace around the collarbone. Such a waste, Mari thought to herself, but reluctantly got her mind out of the gutter.

The office had a single, broad window which let in plenty of light, with marks on the floor suggesting somebody spent a lot of time standing there, looking out (though from here, Mari couldn't get enough detail to tell if it was Emiya herself or one of her bodyguards). A series of heavy bookshelves bulged with scrolls, while an expensive brown desk at the heart of the room looked weary with use. It was pretty much like any office anywhere ever, down to the hanging scroll on one wall with illegible but profoundly meaningful calligraphy.​

Mari was sitting in one of the visitors' chairs, whose combination of soft cushions and uncomfortable back carried a distinct message of "be welcome, guest, but don't stay too long because I have work to do". Emi sat next to her, hands folded in her lap, trying to look reassuring and supportive. Emiya, on the other side of the desk, gave Mari a professional smile.

"Thank you for coming to see me, Miss Shinano. I have the gist of your situation from Emi, but I really need to hear the whole story from you. I apologise if my questioning may seem insensitive, but if we are dealing with a hostile ninja, even the tiniest detail may turn out to be crucial. Please," she gestured, "begin at the beginning."

Mari launched into her rehearsed narration, but barely made it a sentence before Emiya's first interruption. The questions didn't have a hostile feel to them, but they were fluent, and eerily precise. Which settlement had Shinano come from? What path did her journey with the sealmistress follow, and how long did various parts of the journey take? What kind of places did they stay in? Could she remember any names?

Emiya skirted around the issue of Shinano's relationship with Arikada, but on the other hand questioned Mari exhaustively about the sealmistress's interests and capabilities—which was a problem since Mari didn't know, and agreed with Emiya's reasoning that accurate information would be crucial for preparing countermeasures, so she couldn't simply make things up.

Mari: Deception said:
Mayor Emiya: Deception said:

Finally, the interrogation ended. Emiya took a few seconds to think, then stood up from her seat.

"Thank you, Miss Shinano," Emiya gave that neutral smile again. "You've been most helpful. We'll resume this shortly, but right now there are some immediate preparations I need to make. Please stay here for a minute."

She swept out of the office, beckoning Emi after her. "I'll need you for this as well."

Mari was left deep in thought. Emiya was very hard to read, even with the profiling information gleaned from Emi. But a decision had to be made before the mayor returned. Hazō, bless his little heart, had insisted that she at least consider the honest option. In fairness, on this occasion his argument was not without merit—it would be a lot easier to work with Emiya directly than to have to manipulate her into making choices based on information Mari had and she didn't. The risks, though…

She didn't have long to wait before Emiya returned.

The mayor sat down at her desk with a satisfied air.

"The building has been surrounded," Emiya said calmly. "It's time you told me what you're really after."

Mari's response was instant and reflexive, even as she was utterly mortified at her own stupidity. "What do you mean? Is something wrong? Is she already here?"

Emiya gave her a piercing look. "I have several other appointments after this. Do not waste my time. We can have this conversation now, or we can have it in three days' time at the Irie dungeons."

Mari inwardly winced. "What gave me away?"

"Minor details, adding up to a bigger picture," Emiya said almost as if to herself. "Poor knowledge of the country you've allegedly been travelling through. Too much vagueness when it came to the person around whom your life had centred. Other things. And, of course, the bruises. Those look fresh, not a day old. You neglected to update your disguise."

Mari blinked. "You can't possibly judge something like that at a glance."

"In my spare time," Emiya said with a trace of irony, "I have purchased ninja training in a variety of useful areas. Civilians cannot normally do this, of course, but I have the money, and I've given them ample reason to curry favour with me. Bear this in mind if you think to try to deceive me again. Now, kindly show me your true face."

"I'd rather not," Mari said. "I have reasons to protect my identity, ones which have nothing to do with you or Sarubetsu."

"I think you misunderstand your situation," Emiya said coolly. "My patience is the only reason you have not already been incapacitated and put in chains. I advise you not to test it."

Mari blinked again. "Please take this as hypothetical rather than a threat, but you are the civilian alone in a room with a ninja of unknown abilities. Are you sure it should be you trying to intimidate me?"

Emiya gave her a look that might have come from the face of an Academy instructor facing an angry child with a practice kunai.

"You are not here to kill me," she said, "and I have countermeasures against genjutsu, mind control and temporary replacement. Among other things, the Trinity have multiple redundant ways to check that I am myself and in full possession of my faculties. I would not be deserving of the trust my citizens place in me if I did not at least take basic anti-ninja precautions."

Mari took a few seconds to let this sink in, and to upgrade her threat assessment of Mayor Emiya accordingly.

"Again," Mari said, looking for a better understanding of the mayor, but also honestly curious, "how do you know I'm not here to kill you?"

Emiya sighed. "If you killed me, or for that matter hurt me in general, every clan with even a minimal presence in Sarubetsu would dedicate themselves to hunting you down as the only source of testimony to exonerate themselves of your actions. After you were captured and subjected to sufficient interrogation, they would then take turns proposing increasingly cruel and elaborate means to put you to death, as a way of scoring points with the public ahead of the inevitable struggle for control of the town.

"You are not here to kill me," Emiya repeated in a matter-of-fact tone. "No organisation would sacrifice an operative with your apparent level of skill merely to eliminate the likes of me, and a missing-nin with sufficient experience to get this far would have a survival instinct to match."

"I could be a missing-nin fanatic trying to take you out for ideological reasons," Mari commented, curiosity taking over from diplomatic concerns.

Emiya laughed. "A missing-nin that believes in something greater than herself? Then I would definitely be safe, since they say you can't die in dreams.

"Now, you've wasted enough of my time with small talk. Kindly remove your disguise and proceed to your actual business unless you want to wait for a more convenient appointment in a prison cell."

-o-
"Very good," Hazō said. "Next, what are the three preparations you need to make before doing sealcrafting research?"

"Prepare a secure testing environment, make sure the rest of the team knows and has been briefed on sealing accident contingencies, and have a will stored in a cache at least a mile away," Akane recited.

Kagome-sensei nodded approvingly. "What do you do if you're on your own and a stranger offers to teach you a new seal?"

"I say 'no, thank you', and walk away quickly," Akane said.

Hazō rolled his hand in a "keep going" motion.

"Even if they say that they know my sealing teacher and that my sealing teacher says it's OK. Even if they offer me a sample seal as a gift. Especially if they offer to take me to their sealing workshop so they can show me the seal's inner workings."

"Kagome-sensei," Hazō said, "are you sure this is the kind of basic sealing information Akane will need to impersonate a top-level sealmistress?"

Kagome's eyes narrowed. "If you're going to learn any sealing at all, you need to start with the basics. It's how I learned, it's how you learned, and it's how she'll learn, even if she never makes a seal her whole life. It's when people don't respect the craft that they think 'oh, I won't bother washing my brush after use just this once', and the next thing you know there are pentagrams drawing themselves on the walls in blood and everything made of metal is melting and a voice in your head is counting down from six hundred and sixteen.

"That should be my next question. What do you do when you activate a seal, and it doesn't seem to do anything, but the next day you start hearing a voice in your head giving you suggestions on what to do, and each suggestion makes perfect sense and ends up making your life better when you follow it?"

Akane frowned. "Class III causal hazard. Immediately find a cave deep underground or inside a mountain and detonate an exploding tag so as to cause a cave-in. If you survive, repeat."

"Kagome-sensei, I thought that was just an urban legend," Hazō said.

"Hah! Research Facility Seventeen is an urban legend. Doesn't mean anyone's ever come back from exploring the Hokorobi Rift."

"Uh, right," Hazō said. "Moving on. Akane, what's the difference between a catabolic resonance cascade and an anabolic resonance cascade, and what are the standard countermeasures for each?"
-o-
Mayor Emiya drummed her fingers absent-mindedly against the surface of the desk.

"You could have saved us both a lot of time if you had just come forward with all this to begin with. However.

"The fact of the matter is that my responsibility is to the citizens of Sarubetsu. I do not have the resources to police the rest of Rice Country, nor can I justify trying to set the world to rights if doing so will endanger the people I'm here to protect."

"If Arikada's actions disrupt the balance of power," Mari said, "there is every chance they'll affect the Sarubetsu clans. There's no way a potential clan war wouldn't lead to chaos and violence here, given that we think one of your clans is going to be the spark that triggers it."

"You're making too many assumptions," Emiya parried. "Arikada could be meeting a representative of some different clan with no stakes in Sarubetsu. Her mission could be one with no direct impact on the status quo, much less one sufficient to cause a clan war. Your own employer could be lying to you—it is standard practice for missing-nin operatives to be fed incomplete information, and do not bother denying that you are one.

"However. I also cannot ignore the presence of a sealmistress—a walking engine of mass destruction—in my town, and I cannot simply stand aside and see whether you trigger that engine or not. In fact, I have intelligence that this woman is already in Sarubetsu, and that her behaviour is already cause for alarm."

"You do?!" This was serious. Mari's expectations were that she would arrive tomorrow at the earliest. Their plans were not in place, and interception upon arrival was now out of the picture. On the other hand, it seemed to have made Emiya more likely to cooperate. Mari began to ponder plans and countermeasures…

"Yes," Emiya went on. "Under the alias of Kasuga, she was seen examining priority targets for an all-out assault on the town, then intimidated the combined forces of Irie and Hinago patrols into submission and caused panic in a Murano bar, all in one afternoon. We have people tracking her, and she has established a camp in the wilderness outside, with high-level sealing traps that have prevented our ninja from approaching."

"Ah." Mari wished the floor would open up and swallow her, though in all likelihood this would merely lead to her landing on the receptionist. "Actually, that's us. 'Kasuga' is an alias one of my people invented on the spur of the moment."

Emiya's eyes widened, her composure threatened for the first time that evening. "You thought that… You were actually going to… You… I—I have no words. I may have to revise my estimation of your skills, so I suppose it's fortunate I no longer believe you're here to assassinate me."

Mari slumped in her seat. "Yes, my subordinates have a tendency to improvise with unpredictable effects. I'm sure that's never happened to you, mayor of Sarubetsu. Can we move on?"

"Yes," Emiya said. "Excuse me while I just discard a pile of urgent reports I spent precious hours reading and analysing.

"Now. My conditions. You will not engage Arikada in combat within the territory of the town. If you can remove her without harm to my town, excellent. I will provide whatever support is practical. If you wish to fight her elsewhere, that is your lookout, and I have no reason to stop you. But a single civilian casualty in Sarubetsu, or destruction of property anywhere outside the southeast, and I will make sure you have the three clans to deal with. This will, in fact, happen anyway, but if you follow my conditions, I will intervene on your behalf."

Mari smiled. "Good. In that case, for now we'll need information on movements in and out of Sarubetsu so we can identify Arikada and any guards travelling with her, and on major local players so we can make our move without stepping on anyone's toes."
-o-
Irie Shintarō was the fattest ninja Hazō had ever seen, as well as possessing a villain goatee and narrow yellowish eyes that made the hairs stand on the back of Hazō's neck. His "office" was filled with shelves stuffed with miscellaneous bric-a-brac, but Hazō's attention was instantly drawn to the seals on the two scrolls hanging on the back wall behind Shintarō, their elaborate structure offering no sign of their function.

"How can I help you, honoured visitors?" Shintarō purred.

"Shūji sent us," Hazō said. "He said you could register us as guests of the town, and provide us with some of Sarubetsu's special export at a good price."

Shintarō gave Hazō a weighing look.

Hazō: Deception said:
12d100 = 404; I'm not even going to bother with the rest of the rolls

"Yes?" Hazō asked nervously. "Is there something on my, uh, face?"

"Not to worry," Shintarō said happily, pulling out a ledger. "Aliases, please. And will you be using the same disguises throughout your stay?"

Hazō glanced questioningly at the other two, then kicked himself as he realised he was providing instant confirmation.

"I guess we'd better," Noburi said in a forced jovial tone. "Ajibana Akira. Pleasure to meet you. This," he gestured to Hazō vengefully, "is my good friend Misuta Miu."

"Tae Kanen," Keiko said. "I would like to conclude our business here swiftly, if we may."

"Hmm," Shintarō said. "This is not the kind of product that should be sold to children. Are you sure you are in need of medicine for nerves fraying from endless stress and in need of release?"

"Oh, we're sure," Keiko said grimly.

"What my friend means," Hazō cut in, "is that it's not for us. We just want a gift for a potential client who is into things like this."

"Ah," Shintaro nodded. "Foresight and courtesy, wonderful things in a client. I like to pay attention to such details. What kind of volume would you be interested in?"

"Actually, we're just looking," Hazō said. "We were hoping to compare all our options before choosing a seller."

"While we're here, though," Noburi added, "I was wondering how much room you had in your guest quarters. We're part of a bigger party, and it would be really reassuring to stay under a powerful clan's protection while we're in Sarubetsu."

"Oh, plenty," Shintarō said. "We don't get many guests this time of year—everybody wants to make their purchases and leave so they can beat the other traders to the punch—so you and your money are welcome to stay as long as you like once you pass the basic security checks."

"Does that mean we can have them to ourselves?" Noburi asked. "Only my friend here has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth, and we wouldn't want to offend your other guests."

There was a knowing look in Shintarō's eye. "Indeed. Completely empty for the time being, so you can conduct whatever top-secret preparations you're clearly planning undisturbed, as long as you clear them with my good friend Shana first.

"But let's not forget your actual business here. Since dear Shūji has vouched for you, and we wouldn't want a displeased sealmistress blowing up our workshop, let's call it five hundred ryō per dose, just for you."

"Five hundred?" Keiko asked. "That is implausible for a long-term business model. I assure you, while we may appear young, we are not inclined to let others take advantage of us, and Kasuga-sensei in particular does not have the temper for it. We may consider two hundred and fifty."

Shintarō laughed. "Really, now. I wouldn't try to teach other people how to run their businesses, my dear. We have many customers who are either wealthy enough or desperate enough to purchase Vermilion Sigh in plentiful amounts. Four-fifty, or put a silly hat on me and call me the Tsuchikage."

Keiko mulled this over. "Harvest season just finished. It occurs to me that you have a great surplus of goods, which will be sitting useless in a warehouse instead of being converted into liquid funds. Three hundred."

"You know, boy," Shintarō said, unexpectedly turning to Hazō, "your movements are just that little bit too precise, even when you're at rest. A normal person would think you're a taijutsu specialist. But to move like that at your age unconsciously—and make no mistake, your age is quite transparent—you'd have to be extremely specialized. And yet when you came in, your eyes went straight to my seals, and you were trying to decode them or I'm a chakra hagfish. Sealcrafting takes great dedication, which suggests to me the other thing comes from a taijutsu-themed bloodline. Taijutsu bloodline and sealing proficiency. How fascinating."

He looked at Keiko. "You scanned everything in the room except my face. Of note, two seconds on my ninja wire assembly, then several on the shogi board over there. How long until this side wins?"

"It's losing," Keiko replied immediately. "It has to radically change its strategy, otherwise it will keep losing no matter how many pieces it takes. But I fail to see what this tells you. There are many competent shogi players in the world."

"Oh, yes," Shintarō said. "But as one of the most formidable women I know likes to say, it's all about adding up the details. And you, boy," he smiled at Noburi. "You could almost pass for normal around here. But the barrel? Seriously? Perhaps if you had nine tails and spat chakra bombs, you might have a chance of being more memorable.

"But I do have some good news for the three of you. I am an old man," said the thirtysomething, "and my short-term memory isn't what it used to be. Whenever I make a good sale, such as, say, three doses at four hundred each, I get so excited that I forget whatever it is I was just talking about. Why, the clinking of ryō in your pockets is already outweighing all other facts in my mind."

Hazō looked at the other two. "I think we need a moment to confer."

They stepped outside.

"What do you think?"

"I think twelve hundred is a significant dent in our finances," Keiko said. "But also that he would earn more by selling the information he mentioned. Bloodline limit users are always in high demand, and not necessarily for recruitment."

"But Rice doesn't have hunter-nin, does it?" Noburi asked.

"Doesn't mean he can't sell the information to a third party," Hazō said, "or to an off-duty hunter-nin who'll make sure to pass it on to his village. I think we may have to accept it."

Hazō came back to Shintarō. "What guarantee do we have that you'll keep your word?"

"Tsk tsk tsk," Shintarō said. "Your need for the goods is genuine, and perhaps it will be again. You are worth more to me as repeat customers, especially ones who have a persuasive reason not to try to cheat me. Why, send more business my way and you might even earn an additional discount. I like to pay attention to these things."
-o-
"My guess would be the Hinago," Emiya said. "The Irie are well-established within their niche, and will have deep roots for as long as the yakuza exist. The Murano, on the other hand, are in sufficient decline that they would not risk being drawn into open warfare for fear of extermination. But the Hinago show ambition, and if these rumours about Arikada's interest in biological seals are true, it would chime well with Hinago's medical speciality."

"Thank you," Mari said. "Now, about Arikada herself…"

"Yes," Emiya said. "Our problem, as I mentioned, is that we cannot request surveillance of any clans without tipping off Arikada's employer. However, I believe I have an idea. Provide indications to your contacts with Irie and Hinago that 'Kasuga' believes her identity to be compromised, and will soon re-enter Sarubetsu under a new one, which will have to fake ignorance of her previous actions. This will keep the clans on alert for an incoming sealmistress without giving them any new information. If you tell the receptionist that you have an urgent appointment on behalf of Shibata and Sons, you will be able to see me any time I am available, and I will pass on any relevant information.

"However, my conditions stand. Harm to civilians will not be tolerated.

"One more thing." Mayor Emiya stood up from her desk. "I am sending 'Shinano' to safety and she will not be seen again.

"As for you, you have abused the trust of a dear friend of mine, and you will take responsibility. When Arikada is dealt with, you will come back here to make amends."

She didn't add any threats.
-o-
Hinago Ichiru was as great a contrast to the Irie contact as could be. He was as tall as if he had been stretched on a rack after failing to pay the Mizukage's liquor tax, eerily pale, and most remarkably, he was wearing a pair of spectacles, as if he were the head of one of Mist's wealthiest clans. However, since the frames did not quite seem to fit, Hazō suspected Ichiru was not their original owner.

"…and this is Misuta Miu," Noburi finished the introductions.

Hazō didn't yet know how. He didn't yet know when. But shinobi were supposed to be good at cycles of vengeance, and when he was done with Noburi, no human being alive would ever dare use that nickname again. Except Inoue-sensei, but she was a force of nature and to be excluded from rational calculations.

"Very good," the ninja said. "Now, as you have doubtless surmerised, I am Hinago Ichiru. Yes, the Hinago Ichiru, discoverer of the Ichiru Ratio. Though I will forgive you for being unaware of the cutting edge of pharmacogenous research.

"Now, kindly take off your clothes."

"Wait, what?" Noburi burst out.

Ichiru looked puzzled. "You can hardly expect me to formulise the perfect admixtion for your body without a detailed physical inspection. You know what they say, the serpent is in the details. Or let me guess, did you speak with those Irie barbarians? Please tell me you have not been infected by their imbeciliness."

"Absolutely not," Keiko said flatly. "And I refuse to believe that all of your customers consent to this kind of treatment."

"Hmph," Ichiru said. "The fact that others also fail to respect my art should not be taken as license for you to do the same. But very well," he continued in a long-suffering tone, "I will perform the loosest of estimations by sight, and lamentate your wilful rejection of pleasure perfectly tuned to your requirements."

"And the cost of your admixtion?" Keiko said the word slowly and reluctantly, as if she were chewing a particularly poorly-cooked shoe.

"Oh, seven hundred ryō, give or take," Ichiru said distractedly, being more occupied with gazing at Hazō's body in an unnerving fashion. "I will be able to perform a more exact calculus shortly."

"Uh-huh," Noburi said. "While we wait, you mind telling us why this place is so quiet? It feels like a haunted house."

"Oh, they're nervous about something to do with sealcrofting," Ichiru said. "They said something to me about being polite and not making any sudden movements, but I was too busy evalumating my new formula to pay much attention. I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you.

"Hmm. If you will not undress, perhaps you will stand still while I take your measurements by touch? Not as precise, but I'm sure I will be able to exterpolate some useful data."

"Excuse me," Keiko said loudly, her voice oddly squeaky. "I have just remembered an urgent appointment on the other side of Sarubetsu."

"Wait for me!" came Noburi's shout a second later.

"Thank you very much for your time," Hazō bowed to Ichiru before urgently following suit.
-o-
You have received 10 XP.

Akane has chosen to spend 1 XP on Sealing 1. She considers sealing a highly unyouthful discipline, but has ideas on how it may be improved. Kagome is terrified.
-o-
Conversations with random civilians suggest two to three dozen ninja in town total.

The Irie compound has high walls and is three floors high; the tallest building in the town, plus two smaller one-floor buildings of unknown function. There are two entrances, namely a front gate and a smaller back door. The compound is surrounded by one- and two-floor houses belonging to wealthier citizens. You saw no patrols.

The Hinago compound is a single two-floor house in a moderately well-off area, showing signs of comparatively recent expansion. It has one front door and windows on all sides. The top floor is where you bought medicine, and seems dedicated to research and training. The bottom floor has a kitchen, a dining room and other rooms of uncertain purpose. You believe there is a basement.
-o-
What do you do?

Voting closes at 12 noon on Saturday 29th​ of October, Eastern Standard Time.
 
Last edited:
Chapter 80: Horrible Heights and Amazing Ambush
All rolls, and massive spoilers, are at the bottom of the update.


"Ah, my young friends have returned," Shintarou said, standing up from the shogi board where he'd been playing against himself. "And you've brought a friend."

Inoue-sensei's henged face glowered. "Yeah. A friend. These are my friends, so don't think you can take advantage of them, you stinker. Try it and I'll—"

Hazou put a hand on her arm. "It's all right, sensei," he said. "Breathe. We're all friends here."

"I'm not," Inoue-sensei grumbled. "Stinker."

"Anyway," Noburi quickly jumped in. "We're here to pick up the drugs." He pulled out a ryo pouch and set it on the table with a faint clink!

Shintaro opened the pouch and quickly counted the money. He nodded, satisfied with the amount, and whisked it into the back room, returning a moment later with an oilskin-wrapped package about one hand length on a side.

"Here you are," he said, laying it on the counter. "Now, were there any rumors you'd like to feed me? When you're leaving, where you're going with the drugs, how much money you're still carrying...anything?"

"Uh...," Noburi said. "No, nothing like that. A couple of business things, though. We need to find a telescope; do you know where we could get one?"

"Hm. Unusual item, and expensive."

Noburi shrugged but said nothing.

Shintarou considered the group for a moment. "I could probably get you one," he said. "It would take some time, though."

"How much time?" Noburi asked. "We're actually leaving later today, and we probably won't be back for about a month, so—"

"A month?" Inoue-sensei said, in the scratchy voice Kagome's alias had used in the alley. "I thought we were coming right—" She cut herself off when Hazou's grip tightened on her arm. "I mean, uh, yeah! A month! Maybe two! Yeah, definitely two!"

Noburi sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Yes, well," he said to Shintarou. "These identities are compromised, so we're leaving fairly soon. How long would it take to get a telescope?"

"Perhaps a month, more likely two," the storekeeper said, pointedly not taking note of Inoue's outburst. "And, as I said, expensive. A quarter million ryo."

Noburi choked. "A quarter million?!"

Shintarou looked down his nose at Noburi. "Stop being dramatic. Yes, a quarter million. Even then I'm giving you the 'good customer' discount. I'll barely make a profit on the sale, I'm only offering it in the interest of maintaining our business relationship."

"Yeah, I'm sure," Noburi said sourly. "Well, we'll get back to you on that. Now, if you'll excuse me, we need to go."

"Travel safe," Shintarou said. "I'll look forward to discussing it more when you get back, many weeks from now. Although, of course, should any other party of four ninja whom I have never seen before walk into my shop before then, I'll be equally glad to haggle with them."

"Of course," Noburi said blandly. "I would expect nothing less. Good day."

o-o-o-o​

"Okay, so now we need to find the ninja from those patrols that we met in the alley," Hazou said. "We let them them know that we're leaving but coming right back under different henge, so that they'll be spreading the word too. That way everyone is sure to hear it. We'll need to split up, though. Six people is too obvious."

"Hang on there, bucko," Inoue-sensei said. "Telling Shintarou should be enough. He took the bait, and he knows that we want the word put around. More importantly, I don't like us splitting up and Arikada could be showing up any time now. We can't afford to let her get into the city or we'll have to wait until she leaves to engage. Best if we just get out there."

o-o-o-o​

"You're really serious about this," Mari said, looking at the pile of apparently random objects that Akane was carefully laying out on the ground. "I have to admit, I thought you were pulling my leg and we were just going to find a hill or something."

Kagome nodded furiously, a giant grin on his face. "Uh-huh! It'll be great! Rock solid—no, better than that! Rocks can roll out from under you, or if some idiot starts poking at the walls they can blow up, or melt into gooey puddles that kinda look at you, or start bleeding or whatever. Not this!"

"Explain it to me again," Mari said, her voice a bottomless well of dubiousness.

"It is a most youthful invention, sensei!" Akane said. "Hazou-sensei conceived of it, Kagome made the seals, and I built the framework. You see, you take one of these wooden blocks"—she held up a chunk of pine the size of her head with a large hole bored into the center of each side—"and you connect them like so." She picked up one of the thumb-thick oak dowels that she'd pulled out of a storage-sealed bag a few minutes ago. One end of the dowel went into one block, the other end into another block. More blocks and more dowels were rapidly assembled into a grid three meters across.

"See, this is the best part!" Kagome said, too excited to wait for Akane to explain. He grabbed one of the extra-long coils of ninja wire off the ground and started running it around the frame, placing a small loop on top of each block and then balancing another block on top to hold it in place. A lifetime of experience as a hasn't-died-yet sealmaster made him check that each piece of the wire was in the middle of its supporting block and firmly anchored.

The precision was obviously pure reflex, because it still left him plenty of attention with which to chatter. "See, the frame is a bunch of different things, but the wire is all one! That's the trick—the seal only works on one object, but a wire is just one object! You can run it around all you want, then on to the next piece, and it's fine. And when you're done with it you just take the seal off and the wire collapses so you can pull it up with you and there's no way for the stinkers to get to you because you're up in the air! It's like being in a tree, except the tree doesn't want to eat you!"

"Go back to that part about the wire collapsing," Mari said. "That sounded like a bad part."

"It's fine, sensei," Hazou said. "As long as the seal is in place the wire is literally unmovable. We'll make sure that the seals are firmly fixed and covered so that they're immune to the weather. There's no risk, I promise."

"Uh-huh," Mari said, eyeing the platform even more dubiously.

Kagome stopped laying out the wire and looked at her, hurt. "You don't trust my seals?" he asked piteously.

Mari ducked her head guiltily. "No, I do," she said. "It's just...well, I mean, we're talking about standing on thin air, supported only by some wire. It's a little daunting." She saw his face and hurried to add. "I'm sure it'll be fine, though! Probably lots of fun too, once I get past the adjustment. Yep, can't wait to try it!"

Akane laughed. "It is most youthful of you to be so open-minded, sensei," she said. "I myself am quite looking forward to it." She looked over and saw that Kagome had finished getting the last of the wire in place and affixing the various components of the Five Seal Barrier. Without waiting to be told, she and Hazou moved to opposite sides of the platform and hoisted it up as high as they could reach. Kagome brushed his fingers across the center seal and pushed a tiny pulse of chakra into it before stepping back and nodding to Hazou and Akane. The two genin lowered the frame down, leaving the wire hanging in midair, unsupported, with a lattice of heavy wooden blocks balanced on it.

Mari absently finger-combed imaginary tangles out of her hair while studying the latest bit of wizardry to come from the warped mind of her students.

"Isn't it a very youthful invention, sensei?" Akane asked happily.

In the silence of her own mind, Mari sat on the first reply that came to mind...and the second, and the third. Outwardly she smiled brightly. "It really is," she said. "Okay, let's do this." With a silent prayer to the gods of fools and teachers of unfortunately inventive young ninja, she leaped up onto the frame. The thing was just as solid as Kagome had promised, without even the tiny bit of sway you would feel on a tree limb. The loops of wire provided platforms wide enough for a ninja to stand on, although a civilian would have plummeted to their death instantly. Still, a little chakra adhesion to hold oneself in place definitely seemed called for.

Mari forced herself to look calm and supportive as Hazou and Akane passed the frame up. Internally, she started preparing to help make the next level of insanity.

o-o-o-o​

Twenty minutes later, they were so high up that the wind was whipping her hair everywhere. It was exactly as awful as she'd expected, and she didn't dare look down at the ground so far below. Gods, she hated heights. If she fell from here she wouldn't just hit the ground, she'd splash. Every bone would shatter like glass, leaving her—

No, she reminded herself firmly. If she fell from here she would just henge into a blanket and float to the ground. Which was good, because that was literally the plan for how to get down. The kids, irrational little monsters that they were, were actually looking forward to that part: pull the seals off so that the wire collapsed and everyone plummeted to their death...or, at least, to their you're-good-at-henge-right-because-you-better-be.

For this final level they'd woven the wire densely enough that it was possible to lie down in something that definitely wasn't comfort but at least wasn't actively painful. Still, it was better after they spread out the blankets (carefully selecting the ones that most closely matched the current color of the sky) and unsealed some some boards to lay on top so that the wire didn't cut into delicate bits.

Or, at least, it was comfortable until that was all done and she had nothing to distract herself from the fact that she was going to need to spend hours, possibly days, lying on mid-air a bazillion feet in the air while looking down at the ground nauseatingly far below in hopes of spotting an incredibly lethal sealmistress that the team would then have to go try to capture. Capture. Admittedly, the emphasis was very heavily on the 'try' part of that; there'd been a lot of discussion and everyone was solidly onboard with the "if it's convenient but let's not go too far out of our way we'll just make sure that we don't smoosh her head yeah that sounds like a better plan" plan).

Well, Kagome wasn't so much onboard with it as he was grudingly willing to grumble instead of flat out oppose. He'd campaigned vociferously for the 'boom, squish' plan but been roundly shot down by Keiko's point that explosives were fairly likely to smoosh Arikada's face which would be fairly likely to make Jiraiya smoosh the team's faces.

So, yes, the team at least needed to try to capture the insane, bioseal-wielding, loves-collateral-damage sealmistress. Why? Because clearly Mari's mother had been right and the kami would take vengeance on little girls who sassed their mothers. The vengeance had been pretty long delayed, but it was all the more evil for the wait.

With a carefully suppressed sigh, Mari settled in to keep watch.

o-o-o-o​

Only the Iron Nerve was keeping Hazou still as he waited for Arikada to arrive at the ambush site. He wasn't sure if things had gone well or poorly; on the one hand, they'd lucked out with the timing. They'd been on watch for no more than a few hours before Hazou had spotted what had to be Arikada's group. They were coming cross-country at a speed that was a lazy amble for ninja, but still faster than any civilian could have maintained. He'd lucked into seeing them from far off; there had been just enough time to signal the others, scramble for the ground, and put together a hastily-prepared ambush.

Well, if you could count "six people lying down under camo blankets" an ambush. Hardly what he—or Kagome!—would have preferred. Where were the seal traps? Where was the giant marsh that would let Noburi drain everyone in the area? Shoot, they didn't even have enough misterator seals to make a decent fogbank before the enemy arrived. (Also, he really needed to figure out a way to wreak horrific vengeance on Inoue-sensei for tagging his brilliant invention with the silly name 'misterator'.)

He silenced his thoughts as he heard the faint sound of footsteps rapidly approaching. Very, very carefully, he lifted one corner of his camo blanket the tiniest bit, just enough that he could see out. The team was scattered around the immediate area—they hadn't known exactly where Arikada would pass through, although they had a pretty accurate guess—so there was no way to coordinate. Whoever ended up being closest was responsible for calling the attack.

Here they came...closer...closer...three of them. Two men, the left-side one broad and stocky, the right-side one wiry with blond hair. In the middle ran a fat woman with patchy skin and hair like bristles.

Hazou blinked and looked again. Her skin wasn't just patchy it was...diseased? He couldn't tell from here, but there was something wrong. Oh, lovely. A strange-looking sealmistress who specialized in bioseals. This was gonna go great.

"Look ou—" the blond ninja cried, pointing to where Keiko hid under her blanket.

Ambush spoiled, the team threw their blankets off and leaped to their feet. A year of practice together and specific prep for this exact encounter allowed them to act as one: Hazou, Akane, Noburi, and Kagome hurling PMYF and misterator (again: vengeance required) seals in all directions, while Keiko and Inoue-sensei dealt with the guards.

Keiko apparently decided that perceptiveness should be its own reward, because she targeted the blond ninja with a pair of kunai. The weapons seemed to vanish from her hands and disappear into a blurred line connecting her to her victim.

The man was fast, but not fast enough. He managed to barely twist aside from one weapon and deflect the second. Instead of blasting straight through his chest and out his back, he turned it enough that it hit his collarbone instead. In the end he might have preferred the instant kill; the kunai sank into his flesh right up to the hilt, the point sticking a full thumblength out his back. He screamed and stumbled as the pain hit, but managed to stay on his feet.

While planning for this encounter, the group had identified a weakness in their team composition: they had only one person with significant ranged attacks. (At least, ranged attacks that didn't demolish the entire landscape.) Everyone agreed on two things about this combat: first, the guards needed to be dealt with immediately so that the whole team could focus on Arikada. Second, for anyone except Keiko, dealing with the sealmistress's guards was going to require getting uncomfortably close to the sealmistress herself. Kagome had loudly advocated that he should 'boom, squish!' the guard while Inoue-sensei shut Arikada down with genjutsu. Inoue-sensei had regretfully turned the idea down; she was not confident that a bioseal expert wouldn't have unusual senses that would allow her to automatically defeat genjutsu. No, they were going to need to take Arikada down the old-fashioned way: by beating her like a drum until she fell down. And before doing that, the guards needed to be gotten out of the way, which meant getting close to Arikada. Finally, Inoue-sensei had put her foot down and declared that she would be the one to bell the cat. After all, she'd laughingly said, she was still the best in the group at "getting up close and personal."

There is something extremely personal, almost intimate, about literally snapping another human being in half.

The stocky guard barely had time to react as a red-haired streak came in from his side, slid behind him, and grabbed him by the collar. Chakra anchored Inoue-sensei's left foot to the ground for leverage as she yanked her victim's head and shoulders back, forcing his body into a convenient arch. Simultaneously, a dainty foot lashed out in a snap kick that took him in the small of the back and sent the fragments of his spine out through his belly. He folded backwards around her foot like a wet rag doll, dead before he could even scream.

Arikada saw it happen and laughed.

An instant later, the dead guard's head exploded, practically in Inoue-sensei's hands.

"Sensei!" Hazou screamed, hurling himself forward. He'd barely taken two steps before his brain caught up with what his eyes were telling him: his jounin was all right. Somehow she had seen what was coming and hurled herself backwards, curling into a ball and rolling away fast as the explosion bloomed behind her. When she stood up she was covered in soot and her hair was singed, but she seemed unhurt.

Which left Hazou with a problem. Namely, he was in mid-charge at a probably-insane sealmistress who could apparently make people's heads explode. And she was turning towards him.

"Nope," he said, vanishing into a kawarimi with one of the logs that the PMYF seals had dispensed all over the battlefield.

The area was hazy with fog from the misterator seals—not enough to block vision, but enough to reduce it. Still, Hazou was able to see well enough to see Keiko slice her thumb on a kunai and slam her hand on the ground.

"Pangolin Summoning Technique: Panchipaama!" Keiko shouted. Purple smoke exploded everywhere as the eight-foot scaled monstrosity that was her combat summon appeared. "We need the woman!" Keiko called, pointing at Arikada.

Panchipaama's massive head swung towards the enemy and locked onto the wounded ninja who had just been implicitly declared unneeded. She dropped forward, curling into a tight ball and racing towards the enemy ninja. Her scales lifted up slightly, turning into bladed scoops that drove her forward at impossible speed and sent a rooster tail of dirt up behind her. Arikada leaped frantically aside, but the wounded guard wasn't nearly fast enough to evade before the massive ball of bladed scales rolled over him.

In that instant, Hazou was forced to reevaluate some of his beliefs. He had met two pangolins so far: Pandaa, and Pankurashun. Pandaa was small and adorable and acted like an excited kid. Pankurashun was massive and had command presence practically oozing off his body, and he had long claws...but he hadn't actually done anything except talk and take Akane aside to teach her a jutsu. The hunched-over posture and wiggly trot that was a pangolin's normal gait had made even the massive warrior seem less threatening than he might have.

When Panchipaama rolled over the unknown ninja, Hazou was forced to abandon any thoughts that even vaguely hinted at "not threatening." The man wasn't crushed by the charge, he was splashed. There was no other word for it. Blood and viscera exploded everywhere, a hand flew off to the south, and when the invulnerable ball of death that was the pangolin went past, all that was left was a red stain well-mixed into badly torn-up soil.

Arikada looked around the battlefield at six enemy ninja, a summoned pangolin the size of a small building, and the dead bodies of her two guards. Hazou could almost hear the woman's thoughts as she decided that this patch of ground was a good place to not be.

"Bye," the sealmistress said with a nasty smile. She crouched slightly and leaped; her legs seemed to explode, the heavy flesh blasting away from her body and hurling her through the air in something that was so far beyond a normal chakra-powered ninja leap that there were no words for it. The explosion tore Panchipaama apart, banishing the immense pangolin back to the Summon Realm with a scream of frustrated rage.



XP AWARD: 13

Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends Wednesday, November 2, at 12pm London time.

Current situation: the team is together on the plains, about four miles NW of Sarubetsu. Panchipaama is gone, none of you are wounded. You just heard the 'thump!' of Arikada hitting the ground a hundred yards or so to the north. What do you do?





Before we get to the actual dice, a few comments and bits of information. These were written yesterday in more-or-less realtime as I was planning and composing the update, so you'll get a sense of where my head was at the time:
  • I'm not actually sure if some parts of this match the plan or not. I had trouble following the section on how to keep watch; it seemed a bit self-contradictory, and part of it depended on having access to Transformation Telescopes, which isn't a thing that works. (That got announced late in the voting process and everyone was scrambling to update the plan based on the discussion, so it probably got lost in the shuffle.) There were a couple versions, one where you were in close to the town and one where you were 10 miles out. The mayor made clear that you weren't to fight Arikada in or near the town so, all things considered, I punted and said that you were doing the 5SB towers 10 miles from town, because (a) that will be fun to write and (b) it seems plausible that the rest of the team would bite on it. You stated that Inoue should be watching the west and the towers should be 60 degrees apart, putting the second one at 330—basically right in Arikada's path (as you'll see below).
  • We don't have a mechanic for using mirrors to signal to someone miles away, much less to do it without being seen by someone else—it's not Stealth if you're flashing mirrors around—so for now I'm just rolling a die. We'll sort out permanent mechanics later. (In point of fact I'm not really convinced that signalling across miles like this is feasible without telescopes, but I'll roll with it because this sounds like a fun encounter to write. Likely not to work in future, though.)
  • I don't think the method for building the 5SB towers works—as I understand the description it has all the four supporting seals below the center seal when actually all five need to be in a plane. It's been a long time since that was stated though, it's a very cool idea, and there's been prior discussion that did come up with workable ideas so I've patched it here.
  • I've got multi-combatant bonuses already figured into all rolls. Technically speaking I probably shouldn't have given the whole team the MC bonus for the first attack since most of them were throwing misterators around instead of actually attacking. Meh, keep it simple.
  • Also, I just recalled that some of the team are wounded, but I can't remember who (Hazou and someone, I think) and can't find it quickly. Feh. I'm five hours into this update just doing planning, I've written about 200 words, and I want to get to the good stuff. Congratulations, you're all at full strength for the duration of this encounter. I dunno, maybe you're just that badass that you can temporarily shrug off having been stabbed.
  • One final thing: as with 'A Bonfire of Tapirs', I'm having to make some judgement calls on how things should work, and @Velorien isn't around right now to talk with. We will not retcon anything about the fight. If you have issues with anyone's tactical decisions or my judgement calls, please be polite about it but understand that the discussion will only inform the future, not the past.

With that out of the way, on with the show!

Mari, Deception:
?d100: 1106 Dice, why you hate pretty jounin?

Shintarou, Deception:
?d100: 766
Arikada is arriving either today or tomorrow. Which is it?
1d2: 1

Okay, today. Let's say the last update ended at 12pm. What time is Arikada arriving?
1d24: 17

5pm. Okay that's about enough time for you to do all this stuff and get into position, and it's before sunset so you have a shot at seeing them as they approach. Where are they coming from in relation to Sarubetsu?
?d180 + 180: 327 degrees

327 degrees is about NW. How good are they at not being seen?
Arikada party, Stealth:
?d100: 905

So, does Team Uplift notice the incoming biosealmistress?
Hazou, Awareness + 3d100 (circumstance bonus: up in the air looking over mostly flat plains):
18d100: 912

Okay, not bothering to roll for anyone else. Can you signal the other Team Uplift group without being seen?
1d100 vs Target Number ?: 24

Arikada has no reason to be racing so let's say there's enough time for the team to regroup. (You're welcome.) The plan did not specify what to do if you actually found her, but prior discussion had three plans: full frontal assault, Mist Drain, and poisoning / draining in town. The mayor kiboshed the 'in the town' option and everyone in the group hates the full frontal option, so Mist Drain it is. Note that Pandaa isn't there for this fight at all, and Panchipaama starts the update not there because she is not exactly subtle and would be hard to conceal on a more-or-less open plains.

Since you know where they are and where they're going you can get ahead of them and stage an ambush. (Again, you're welcome.) There's not a lot of time, though, so you're not going to be super well dug in. Also, they're going to know what's going on the minute you pop mist and you don't have enough macerators to make a convincing fogbank before they get there. Let's see if they notice you before the misterators pop.


Team Uplift, Stealth + circumstance bonus for attacking from ambush, lowest dice.
10d100 + ?d100: 589

Team Aaaaagghhhh-It's-Eating-My-Face!, Awareness:
?d100: 673

Hmmmm, that's not good. Still, it's only an A-class success so I'm going to rule that they notice you just before you pop mist. They aren't surprised, but they also don't have time to avoid the ambush.


Noburi, Hazou, Akane, Kagome: throw misterators everywhere
No roll needed.

Keiko, Weapons. No boost, as she's saving chakra for summoning Panchipaama:
30d100: 1535
Guard #1, Weapons:
?d100 + ? chakra boost: 1295
Class B failure: Guard #1 is at -3 dice. One more hit will kill him.

Inoue-sensei, Taijutsu:
?d100 + ?d100 boost: 1957
Guard #2, Weapons:
?d100 + ? chakra boost: 1044
SPLUT! Team Aaaaagghhhh-It's-Eating-My-Face! loses Redsh^H^H^H^H^H Guard #2's MC bonus!

Guard #2's cortex bomb, Sneak Attack!:
?d100: 1037

Inoue-sensei, Tactical Movement to dodge:
?d100: 1116


Panchipaama, Tactical Movement:
?d100: 793

Guard #1, Tactical Movement (-3 dice from wounds):
?d100: 736Dice, why you lurv nasty redshirt?!

Panchipaama, Taijutsu (boosted by Death Roll and multi-combatant bonus):
?d100: 1839

Guard #1, Weapons (-3 dice from wounds):
?d100: 634
SKLRRTCH!
 
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Chapter 81: The Opposite of Bluffing

The sealmistress's legs exploded, flinging her into the air and away. Noburi was far enough away that he only felt a faint puff of air on his face from the blast, but the pure shock of it still made his brain stutter for an instant.

Not Hazō, though. The taijutsu specialist looked immediately at Inoue-sensei. "Are we going after her, sensei?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's that or be killed by Jiraiya. Suggestion?"

Noburi watched as Hazō did that thing he did—ideas flicking through his brain so fast you could almost see them, intuitively calculating angles and spinning the problem around sideways. A faint surge of envy brushed against Noburi's heart. The idea that he would never be able to do that, that he would never have what it took to be a leader...it was a hard thing to look at, but as time went on he was having more trouble keeping his mind's eye averted.

"We need to split up so we can surround her," Hazō said. (And so she can only kill a few of us with any single attack, Noburi mentally added.) "Three teams. Me and Noburi, Keiko and Kagome, Inoue-sensei and Akane. Split up, thirty meters between teams. Keiko, you're in the middle, I'll go left. Chakra boost to chase her. Sensei, when we get her in sight use your Wind Wall to let us catch up. Do you think you can bluff her into surrender?"

Inoue-sensei laughed. "Who's bluffing?"

"Right," Hazō nodded. "Seagull Yellow, Syrup Trap, Earth Wall. Clones to pin, drain when we've got her. Go!" He leaped away, angling left; Noburi fell in on his teammate, immediately dropping into shield formation: half a step behind Hazō and on his left. The other pairs spread out as indicated, racing at maximum boost for where they had heard Arikada land.

They were fighting a jōnin-level insane sealmistress who loved collateral damage and was apparently willing and able to blow herself up without taking significant harm. There was absolutely no good reason for feeling happy about any of this...and yet, a tiny whisper of pride flickered in Noburi's heart. Hazō had chosen him for a teammate. Not Keiko, despite the fact that close-in taijutsu specialist and long-range sharpshooter was a great combination. (At least, if the sharpshooter was sharp enough to fire into a melee without hitting the wrong person. Which Keiko was.) Nor had he chosen Kagome, the paranoid explosive master whose closest tie in the world was to Hazō. Nor had he chosen his disciple Akane, the beautiful young girl who practically worshipped the ground Mr. Mew walked on.

No, when Hazō sent them off to fight probably the most dangerous opponent they'd every face, he had chosen the fat kid with the giant barrel to back him up in a life-or-death fight. That felt good.

Hazō: 15 points (3 dice TM boost). 85 remaining.
Keiko: 15 points (3 dice TM boost). 115 remaining.
Noburi: 15 points (3 dice TM boost. 286 remaining.
Akane: 15 points (3 dice TM boost. 85 remaining.
Inoue: 15 points (3 dice TM boost. ?? remaining.
Kagome: 15 points (3 dice TM boost. ?? remaining.


The team broke out of the mist to see Arikada a few dozen meters away, kneeling beside a trio of bodies. The sealmistress glanced up and saw them coming; she froze for just a moment, then went back to what she had been doing, hands cutting seals with furious haste.

"Edo Tensei no Jutsu!" she shouted, slapping a hand on the back of each corpse in turn. No sooner had she touched the third and last before she was on her feet and racing away. The mountainous flab of her torso and arms looked incongruous supported by the newly-normal dimensions of her legs, but it didn't seem to slow her down at all.

The three corpses surged to their feet and spread out to engage each pair of team members; the one closest to Hazō carried daishou—paired swords, small and large. The second corpse was swinging a meteor hammer and the third was bare-handed.

Noburi calculated the angles; there was no way they were going to be able to get around their just-recently-a-corpse attacker and still catch Arikada before she reached the town.

Sudden dismay shot through through him as he remembered something critical: Arikada didn't even need to reach the town itself. The mayor had said that the team wasn't allowed to engage inside 'the town or its territory', which included the area in a one-mile circle around the town proper. At the speed the sealmistress was moving she would be inside the protected area in about five minutes. For that matter, if she could get enough distance she could go to ground; the plains were mostly flat, but there was enough topography to hide in if you wanted to. And that wasn't even allowing for any escape jutsu she might have.

He glanced at Hazō and saw that the other boy had done the same math. If they tried to avoid the corpse-warrior it would stay inside them, keeping them from following its creator. The only choice was to go through it.

There was no need to talk; Noburi slowed his steps a fraction, dropping farther back and circling to Hazō's right. Hazō shot ahead, angling in from the attacker's right side to force it to turn slightly away from his Water-Whip-wielding ally.

Their opponent was a dead man. Dead about three days, based on the slight decomposition and the white film over the eyes. The body had definitely been through a storage seal; it was torn up, bits of flesh crushed or even ripped off by the stresses. The damage was mostly superficial; the actual cause of death was readily apparent: someone had hammered a spike through the left ear canal and into the brain. About an inch of the spike was still sticking out.

Even as he noticed this, Noburi was pulling chakra out of his barrel, dragging the water along with it and shaping it into his signature Whip. As thick as his thumb, four meters long, and powerful enough to tear flesh. Between the two of them they would finish this zombie off in a heartbeat and catch up to its mistress. Right, that was definitely the way to think. Totally.

While Noburi was casting his jutsu, Hazō went in at full speed. Noburi watched his teammate charge, the confusing muscle twitches and barely percetible weight shifts of his Roki style in full force, and watched the zombie's reaction. His heart rose slightly; the enemy's eyes were shifting back and forth over Hazō's form, clearly trying to make sense of what it was seeing. Still, confused or not, the dead body in front of them charged forward to meet the genin.

The corpse's blades gleamed in the late afternoon sun as they spun a net of steel around their wielder...but every net has a pattern. If you can see the pattern, you can pass through it.

The first attack was from the katana in the right hand, cutting diagonally from the zombie's top left to bottom right. The wakazashi was held reversed and close to the body as a parrying tool. The actions were smooth and practiced, all the skill of a senior ninja brought back into the rotting flesh controlled by the fleeing sealmistress.

Noburi waited for his chance. It was Hazō's job to create the opening for Noburi's attack. Depending on what was open Noburi could either kill, cripple, or just distract the enemy while Hazō finished it.

Noburi was definitely aiming for 'kill'.

Hazō shortened his stride for a moment, changing the timing of the engagement just enough that the katana went past him instead of cutting him into giblets. Noburi winced at how close it had come; Hazō was clearly desperate to end this quickly—as he should be. Come on, man, open him up!

The zombie's shorter blade slashed up and Hazō tumbled left in front of it, grabbing the corpse's calf and hugging it to his chest as he went by. The corpse warrior was yanked forward, dropping to one knee and windmilling its arms as it tried to catch its balance.

Noburi's Water Whip struck like a snake, slicing through the air in a strike that would carve the enemy's head neatly from top of spine to front of forehead, just like the clan master had taught. Simultaneously, Hazō kicked back and up, catching his enemy under the jaw with his heel and rolling his toes forward to crush the larynx. The strike would have killed a living human instantly, but the corpse shook it off and stabbed downwards with the katana while casually cutting half of Noburi's Water Whip off with a sideways cut of the wakazashi. The no-longer-controlled water sprayed uselessly across both combatants.

Noburi snarled and shouted to distract the enemy even as he pulled more water out of his barrel, extending the Whip back to full length. He could rebuild the jutsu as a chakra construct, but then he wouldn't be able to drain through it. He really wanted to wind his Whip around Arikada's throat and choke her out while simultaneously draining the bitch dry. Blowing people up, fine. Bringing them back from the dead to fight for you? That was just wrong.

Hazō rolled frantically to the side, avoiding the stab of the katana by a whisker, pushing himself to his feet and frantically leaping back from the imagined yet almost audible shiiing of the wakazashi.

The corpse stood up; its lower jaw had been crushed by Hazō's kick and flopped uselessly below its face. Its neck bones had been snapped, so it had trouble turning its head. Despite all that, it didn't seem to have been significantly impaired.

Noburi watched Hazō set himself, his face dropping into that total stillness that he had only seen when Hazō was about to do something insanely stupid. Cursing, Noburi circled to the right, closing in and looking for an opportunity.

Hazō went in ahead of the katana strike, one hand parrying his enemy's right wrist to interrupt the attack. Hazō's other hand latched onto his opponent's left, shutting down the gutting stroke from the wakazashi. The genin battered at the corpse with furious leg sweeps and stamping kicks to the inside of the knee as Noburi slashed away with the Whip. Neither of them could get in a decisive blow; the creature moved with their attacks in perfect sync, feet circling back and away from the kicks, refusing to get tangled up in the sweeps, and twisting to dodge the Whip or to shift Hazō into the way so Noburi had to abort.

Hazō misread his opponent and shifted the wrong way, losing control of his opponent's hands and letting the blades come back into play. The zombie warrior tried to jump back, give itself the range to use its weapons, but it made a bad choice: it jumped clear of Hazō, giving Noburi all the time in the world to cut the goddamn monster in half. His Whip slashed out—

It was a feint.

The zombie pivoted to the left and dropped to one knee, lunging forward in a thrust that would have gutted Noburi if he hadn't managed to deflect the blade with a surge of chakra-controlled water even as he swayed to the side. Instead of killing him the katana sliced through the Whip a fingerlength in front of Noburi's hand, drew a shallow cut along his hip, and tunked into the barrel behind him. The point caught and the energy of the thrust threw the genin to the ground.

Sheer panic tore through the water user's mind. The injury had broken his focus and all the water he'd been holding was gone, soaking into his clothes or the ground. Recasting his jutsu would take too long; in another breath the zombie would rise up, step forward, and drive thirty-four inches of steel through his head.

Fortunately, Noburi wasn't fighting alone. The zombie had had to turn away from Hazō to make the strike, and that was all the opening Hazō needed. He took one step forward, planted his left foot and spun into a side kick that took the zombie in the spine and drove it face-first into the ground. Noburi scrambled to his feet even as Hazō followed the zombie down, pouring a flurry of strikes into it. Against a human he would have punched through the back of the head, but against this pile of animated flesh he crushed the shoulders instead. No matter how tough it might be, it wasn't going to be doing much fighting without its sh—

Noburi would never be quite certain what gave him the clue. Was there a clicking sound, or a brief pulse of light? He didn't know, but he still shouted "MOVE!" and threw himself backwards. A giant smacked him in the face with an invisible pillow; he rode the shockwave of the explosion and landed on his feet, lightly singed but mostly unhurt.

Mr. Mew's godsdamned cheating bloodline reflexes had gotten him out without a visible scratch. There was some zombie-pus in his hair and he was covered in dirt from the dive he'd taken, but other than that he was fine.

"You okay?" Hazō asked.

"Yeah. Ears are ringing, but that's about it. C'mon, lets go get that bitch." This time it was Noburi who moved first, Hazō dropping in behind him as they headed for where a crimson-haired comet was streaking across the landscape to their east.

o-o-o-o​

Mari refused to glance to either side where undead warriors were charging after her kids. They could look after themselves and she had to let them, no matter how much she wanted to go to their aid. They would be fine. They had soaked up everything she'd ever taught them, they had great teamwork, and they were amazingly powerful for their ages. They'd be fine, really.

Sure.

The corpse came in, spinning one end of its meteor hammer while keeping the other coiled up. Both weapon and wielder were big—the chain on the meteor hammer was probably ten meters long and the massive weights on either end of the chain were almost gratuitously large, bigger than both of Mari's fists put together. The zombie that wielded the thing towered over her—almost as tall as Captain Zabuza himself, and even wider and more muscular. Granted, a lot of the muscles were rotting or torn up by storage stress, but the point remained: this thing was bloody huge.

Mari's lips peeled back in a fierce wolf-smile. She'd been fighting bigger opponents her entire life—as tiny as she was, pretty much every opponent was bigger. Truth be told, she really, really enjoyed beating the holy everloving crap out of some giant bully like this. Another time, another day, when the team wasn't trapped between an insane sealmistress and an angry Sannin, she could really have had some fun with this fight.

Not today.

The outer hammer went spinning past, the obvious distraction, as the inner one licked straight out in a surprise move that would have crushed Mari's chest had it landed. Unfortunately for the zombie, Mari had fought hammer-wielders before. She twirled around the attack, her hair whipping out in a circle, and grabbed the chain. Her feet chakra-locked to the ground for stability, she yanked with everything she had.

Mari was a tiny little thing to look at, but she was also a world-class martial artist. Her small frame concealed physical strength that would have shocked a civilian. Add chakra boost to that and what you got was insane.

The zombie was pulled right off its feet and came flying face-first into a sidekick that crushed its head in and knocked it back three meters. Mari snorted to herself in satisfaction.

And then the thing got up.

For just a moment, Mari stared in shock. How the hell did you kill something that wouldn't stay dead? It was stumbling, the entire front of its head had been crushed flat and one eye had been completely destroyed, but it was already starting to gather up the chain of its meteor hammer.

"YOOOOOOUUUUUTTTTHHHHHHHHHH!" Akane cried, charging forward and leaping into the air. The zombie had just barely started dodging when the Human Path's only disciple of the Youthful Fist of the Mythological Beast That is Really Strong and Tough punched down through the oval of its collarbones until her arm was buried in it almost up to the shoulder. The impact knocked the zombie back; Akane rode it down to the ground and somersaulted forward without removing her hand from where it was wrapped around the monster's pubic bone.

The durability of undead bones competed with strength born of alien jutsu and came up short. As Akane rolled forward her arm tore its way through the zombie's organs, exploded its ribs, and erupted out through its skin, gutting it like a trout.

Mari stared down at the now-quiescent corpse. You probably could have done more damage by forcing someone to swallow an explosive tag, but it would have been a close thing.

"Come, sensei!" Akane said, bouncing to her feet with a brilliant smile and disgusting black juices dripping off her arm, "we must stop the most unyouthful Arikada from escaping!" With an excited yell she raced off in the direction of their quarry.

Mari shook her head and laughed even as she took off after her most youthful student.

o-o-o-o​

"Right," Hazō nodded. "Seagull Yellow, Syrup Trap, Earth Wall. Clones to pin, drain when we've got her. Go!"

Kagome was on the move before Hazō had finished the word 'Go'. There was an insane sealmistress, and there was his team. The sooner he got to the first, the safer would be the second. Sure, they'd all agreed that they'd try for live capture and only go lethal if it was absolutely necessary, but 'necessary' was such a wonderfully flexible word. Besides, Jiraiya would understand if the stinking sealmistress was missing a couple of legs, right? They could just claim it was self-inflicted after the explosion. For that matter a small implosion bomb wouldn't even kill her if he placed it just so; if she were right on the edge she'd probably just be a little mauled. A little mauling between friends was no big deal, right?

Kagome burst out of the mist, all too aware of Keiko on his right. Her smooth grace made it seem that she was flowing across the landscape like the shadow of a cloud. It made him self-conscious about his own lurching, clumsy gait. Still. He might not be as graceful, but he was even better than she was at killing things. She lacked the viciousness that he had learned over the decades, and he was absolutely determined that she would never learn it.

Just ahead of them, Arikada was crouched over three bodies. Kagome's hand went instinctively to one of the disks on his belt before he aborted the gesture. Right, they needed to try for live capture, drat it. Stupid stinking idea. Stupid stinking idiot Jiraiya and his stinking idiot ideas.

The sealmistress leaped to her feet and raced off as the corpses rolled up and charged at the team. Kagome forced himself not to react to the two weapons-wielding zombies that were going after the other members of his team. They were tough, all of them, and with everyone moving around so fast he wasn't sure if he could tag the zombies without also tagging those who were engaged with them.

He wouldn't trade his team for anything in the world, but there were times when having to worry about friendly fire was really frustrating.

The corpse coming for them was moving as fast as any ninja Kagome had ever seen. He raised his hands, thumbs slipping into the grooves of his ringboxes. Just a little closer...three...two....

A storm of raiton energy erupted from the zombie and it accelerated into a blur, coming straight at him, a rigid spike of condensed lightning boiling out of its hand.

With pinpoint precision, a storm of kunai went over Kagome's right shoulder and grouped themselves in the center of the zombie's face. The force of the throw sank the blades in right up to the hilts, split the skull open from crown to septum, and actually rocked the zombie back.

The zombie staggered, caught its balance, and turned towards Keiko. The zombie's fists came up as it shifted its weight forward—

"Die, you stinker!" Kagome shrieked, thrusting both hands towards the enemy in what would have been a double-fist strike from anyone else. The zombie didn't react at all; Kagome was too far away to land a kick, much less a punch.

Kagome wasn't really big on punching people. He was really more about explosions, to be honest.

The blast from Kagome's right hand was a cone so narrow that at this range it was nearly a blade. It hit the undead ninja in the chest and tore it in half, killing it instantly. Which didn't really matter, since the wide-angle blast from Kagome's left hand turned the thing into finely-ground hamburger and spread it out over the landscape in an arc of unpleasantly sticky red goo.

"HAH!" Kagome shouted, not slowing down as his pounding feet spurned the zombie-guts-squelching ground. "FEAR THE EXPLOSIONS, YOU STINKER!"

A step behind him, he heard Keiko snort in amusement, then fall silent again as they both poured on the speed. Arikada was ahead of them, but they were closing in fast.

Kagome's lips peeled back in a fierce wolf-smile. Twelve years of being picked on by the other kids because he was smart but not strong, because he always lost at sparring practice. More years of seal training, and then the factory. Mocked by other sealmasters for the 'unnecessarily paranoid' care he took with the precautions. Well, he was alive and they weren't. And he was going to show this disgusting, zombie-summoning, companion-killing seal-using stinker what it meant to face a properly paranoid sealmaster. She might think she was hot stuff with her bioseals, but Kagome had a few seals he wanted to show her. Yeah, show them to her reaaaalllly close. Like, up her stinking nose close. That would keep her quiet. And the team was almost there, too. Only about two minutes from the interdicted zone, but there was enough time. They would catch her.

The mountainous flab of Arikada's arms, and a giant strip of meat from her back, peeled themselves off her body and squished downwards into a trio of massive tentacles. The meat-limbs lifted her off the ground and carried her away with giant strides, widening the gap rapidly. For a moment, Kagome's heart leapt as he realized that his team wouldn't have to deal with the stinker. Then it plummeted as he realized that they'd have to deal with an angry Sannin instead. You know, the Land of Snow was supposed to be beautiful this time of year....

"Wind Element Technique: Wind Wall!" Mari shouted from his right. Ahead of them the air shimmered and danced as a vertical windstorm fountained out of the ground, throwing grass and dirt into the sky.

Kagome sighed as the Crimson Comet stopped lollygagging along and really put on the speed. Mari had been sticking with the others until now, not wanting to separate the team, but there was an escaping enemy to catch and she had clearly decided that it was time to show the kids what being a jōnin meant. She left them completely in the dust as she sprinted ahead and dove into the Wind Wall, letting it shoot her forward like an arrow from a bow.

Arikada's meat-limb tripod was ridiculously fast, but Mari went past her like she was standing still, then spun around, her feet digging grooves in the ground as she used chakra to go from 'faster-than-a-racehorse' to 'dead stop' in the space of two meters.

"Listen to the job offer or we bury you right here," Mari declared, her trained voice carrying easily across the grass of the plains.

Arikada halted, her flesh tentacles pivoting her from side to side so she could see the other five oncoming ninja.

"You might be able to take me, but I'll drag every one of you with me to hell," Arikada snarled. "I bet I can get a good part of the town, too. Bring all the clans down on you and whoever is paying you. Your bosses wouldn't like that too much, would they?"

"Look, you stupid bitch, we aren't here to fight you," Mari said as Kagome and Keiko arrived, Hazō and Akane seconds behind. "We came here to make you a damn job offer. Now, would you sit the hell down and shut up for a minute so we can make our pitch, or should we just put you in the ground and tell the boss you weren't interested?"

Kagome's hands were coming up, hoping desperately to get the shot off before Arikada lunged at Mari. What was Mari doing? Mouthing off like that wasn't how you talked someone down, that was how you got them pissed off enough to kick your feet out from under you and pound you until three of your ribs broke and you had to have your jaw wired shut for a week!

Incredibly, Arikada lowered herself to the ground, her meat-tendrils going flaccid as she stood on her feet again. "I'm listening," she said, arms folded and a sneer on her face.

"We're here from Leaf," Mari said. "They've got some kind of medical issue that they can't deal with. Jiraiya told us to find you and tell you that they'll pay you three hundred thousand ryo for what will probably be a week's work, plus another five hundred thousand if the outcome is successful." She snorted. "Personally, I think he's just hedging his bets. Lady Tsunade is the greatest med-nin in the world and Jiraiya is the best sealmaster. Whatever this is, if they can't fix it, some two-bit body horror fetishist like you isn't going to. Still, I'm just the messenger girl. We get paid as long as we bring in proof that we found you and made the offer."

"And what if I say no?" Arikada asked suspiciously.

Mari shrugged. "Jiraiya told us 'alive and unharmed' or 'head on a plate'. I'm easy."

Arikada barked a laugh. "You think you can beat me that easily, huh? Trust me, you haven't even seen the beginning of what I can do if I really cut loose."

Mari shot her the same kind of look that parents give very small and very stupid children. "Look, Ari," she said, "see the muck on my apprentice's arm? That's where she punched through one of your zombies the long way. I broke your guard like a twig and then dodged your little exploding-head trick when it went off physically in my hands. My other young lady? The minute we stop talking, she's going to call up a giant spiked ball of death that is very pissed off with you for unsummoning her before. My twitchy friend over there? He likes explosions. I mean really likes them. It took a fair amount of work to convince him that we shouldn't just blow you up to start with and take the smaller bounty."

"We still could!" Kagome called hopefully. "Boom! Squish! So much easier! And I bet I can miss the head!"

Mari waved him down without looking, her eyes still locked on Arikada's. "How many more of those exploding leg tricks have you got?"

"Enough," Arikada said. Was there a little less certainty in her voice than before? It was so hard to tell with people! Why couldn't they be simple and straightforward like seals were? (Well, in comparison.)

Mari rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, however many it is, I very much doubt it's enough to take out all six of us and the aforementioned giant spiky ball of death. Face facts, Ari: you're not walking away from this unless we say so, and we can't afford to say so. Jiraiya will kill us if we don't bring him your head, but he'd really prefer it if the rest of you was attached. Like, 'an extra hundred thousand for each of the six of us' prefer it." She studied Arikada measuringly. "I have no idea what could be going on in Konoha that they'd be willing to shell out this kind of money to collect a freakshow like you, but I also don't care. Take the job or we put you in the ground. Those are the choices."

"Even if you could put me in the ground, which I really doubt, there wouldn't be enough left of me to identify, or of you to bury."

"Stop being a brat," Mari said, sounding tired. "I'm not in the mood. Almost three quarters of a million ryo buys a lot of patience, but there's still a limit. We only get fifty kay if we bring your head by itself, but act like an idiot much longer and I'll decide that that's good enough. I really wish you would take the job, though. Mr. Explosions over there bet me dishes for a week that we're going to have to kill you, and I hate doing dishes." She grimaced. "Of course, given what an arrogant prick you seem to be, I'm not sure I'd enjoy bringing you in anyway. Jiraiya made it clear that, if we do manage to bring you in alive, he needs you happy. Right now that's seeming like wayyy too much trouble."

"Hap—" Kagome cut himself off as Keiko's hand closed on his arm like a vice.

Arikada raised an eyebrow. "Happy, huh?"

"Yeah," Mari said, sighing. "Happy. Don't get too excited, because 'happy' is a fairly flexible term, and there's always the 'head on a plate' bounty. Still, if you come willingly we've been told that we need to be 'courteous, solicitous, and helpful.'" She snorted. "Stupid idea, if you ask me. Half my team wants to beat you into the ground and haul your unconscious body back to Leaf on a stretcher. The other half thinks that 'head on a plate' is a lot easier to carry and fifty thousand ryo is plenty. Me personally, I'm the one who has to do the team finances. I'm the one who knows that we could really use the money or we're going to have to do some of the less savory jobs that I'd rather the kids not get exposed to for a couple more years. So what do you say? Want to make everyone's life easier, get the most powerful nation in the world on your side, and help all of us get stinking rich?"

Arikada turned her head, always keeping Mari in her peripheral vision as she surveyed the other four team members. Finally she seemed to make a decision; she faced back to Mari and nodded.

"Okay, I'm in," she said. "Let's—"

Arikada cut herself off and whipped around at the sound of heavy-footed steps in the grass behind her. Her tendrils rose up above her, waving back and forth like snakes as she spun to face—

Noburi. Who was moving no faster than a tired civilian.

"Stupid zombie punched a hole in my barrel," he grumbled. "What did I miss?"

Does Hazō get Roki?
Hazō, Deception:
12d100: 769

Corpse Warrior, Deception:
?d100: 510

Yep. How does the fight go?
Corpse Warrior, Weapons:
?d100: 939

Hazō, Taijutsu:
15d100 + 6d100 (Roki) + ?d100 (multi-combatant): 1080
Class A success

Noburi, Water Whip:
15d100 + ?d100 (multi-combatant): 834
A-class loss; damage to Whip

Corpse Warrior, Weapons:
?d100: 917

Hazō, Taijutsu:
15d100 + 6d100 (Roki) + ?d100 (multi-combatant): 1169
Class A success. Total damage to enemy: B

Noburi, Water Whip:
15d100 + ?d100 (multi-combatant): 609
B-class loss. Water Whip destroyed

Corpse Warrior, Weapons:
?d100: 687 Doh!

Hazō, Taijutsu:
15d100 + 6d100 (Roki) + ?d100 (multi-combatant): 1114
Class B success. Total damage to enemy: C

Noburi, Water Whip: (17CP)
15d100 + ?d100 (multi-combatant): 1054
Class B success. Total damage to enemy: OVERKILL

Corpse Warrior, Explosion:
?d100: 796

Hazō, Awareness + 1/5 TM to dodge explosion:
18d100: 957

Noburi, Awareness + 1/5 TM to dodge explosion:
15d100 + 1 for slight range: 703
Class A loss: lightly singed.


How about the other fights? Inoue/Akane first.

Corpse Warrior, Weapons:
?d100: 881

Inoue-sensei, Taijutsu:
?d100 + ?d100 (MC) + ?d100 (chakra boost): 1248
Class B success.

Akane, Taijutsu:
15d100 + ?d100 (MC) + ?d100 (Youthful Fist of the Mythological Beast That Is Really Strong and Tough) + 4d100 (chakra boost): 1368
Class C success. Total damage to opponent: OVERKILL

Easy peasy. Kagome and Keiko?

Corpse Warrior, Lightning-style nintaijutsu:
?d100: 1220

Keiko, Weapons:
20d100 + 3d100 (chakra boost) + ?d100 (MC): 1367
Class B success.

Kagome, Exploding Fist Style:
?d100 + ?d100 (chakra boost) + ?d100 (MC): 1620
OVERKILL! Total damage to opponent: Fine Red Mist

Catching up to Arikada?

Arikada, Meat-limb Tactical Movement:
?d100 + ?d100 (chakra boost): 1175

Inoue, Tactical Movement:
?d100 + ?d100 (chakra boost) + ?d100 (Wind Wall): 1685

Kagome, TM:
?d100 + ?d100 (chakra boost) + ?d100 (Wind Wall): 1063 Damnit, dice! What, you hate the woobie too?!

Rest of the team, TM:
?d100 + ?d100 (chakra boost) + ?d100 (Wind Wall): 1164


Inoue, Deception (Intimidation):
?d100 + ?d100 (?): 1302

Arikada, Deception (Resist Intimidation):
?d100 + ?d100 (totally insane and arrogant): 871
Class B success. Victory!




XP AWARD: 21

Compliments on the plan -- it was well written, exciting, easy to write for, and with a nicely detailed set of actions. It went out the window a bit, because I really was not expecting Inoue to be able to shut down Arikada that completely. Still, nicely done. I especially love the way there was basically only one plan at the end because y'all converged. 'Hivemind' indeed!

Final chakra totals:
Hazō: 70
Keiko: 85
Noburi: 1
Akane: 50
Inoue and Kagome: ??

Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends on Wednesday, November 9, 2016, at 12pm London time.
 
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Chapter 82: The Worm's Turn
Fair warning: One part of this chapter got a bit icky on me. There's a summary at bottom if you want to skip to there and not take a chance. Just search for 'Summary'.






Noburi plodded up, moving no faster than a tired civilian.

"Stupid zombie punched a hole in my barrel," he grumbled. "What did I miss?"

Kagome, Awareness:
?d100 + ?d100 (circumstance bonus: totally expecting it): 1299

Inoue, Awareness:
?d100 + ?d100 (circumstance bonus: totally expecting it): 981Seriously, I need new dice. Or maybe I should lie and tell them that I'm rolling for someone else. How the hell do you roll this low on this many dice?

Arikada, Stealth:
?d100: 357Wow, the dice hate you, too. Cool.


"Don't"—BOOM!—"try it," Mari said, her words interrupted by a massive narrow-angle explosion that made everyone wince. Fortunately the blast had been aimed in front of Arikada instead of at her; apparently Kagome was taking his promise to follow orders seriously, no matter how much he hated those orders.

"Try what?" Arikada asked innocently. "I wasn't doing anything."

"Glad to hear it," Mari said. Arikada's tentacle twitch had been hesitant, more a matter of temptation than intention, but it had been there. The sealmistress...

Arikada, Deception:
?d100: 772

Inoue, Deception
?d100: 1204


...hadn't really bought the whole 'massive payment for easy medical work' story. She was going along because she knew that if she didn't the team would beat her into the ground, but she clearly intended to lash out or run the first chance she had. And right now, with a chakraless and vulnerable Noburi standing almost within tentacle reach, things were balanced on the edge of a knife. They needed to defuse the situation quickly; fortunately, the whole 'be courteous and solicitous' part of the lie played into that.

"Hey," Mari said, pitching her voice to make Arikada turn back to her and away from Noburi. "Anything you need to do before we head to Leaf?" Translation: I'm willing to trade you the chance to stall for a while in exchange for reducing the about-to-fight quotient. Not a very long while, though. Leaf was only a four-hour run and the sooner they got there and handed off Ms Crazypants the happier Mari would be.

Arikada cocked her head, clearly thinking. "I should clean up my—zombies," she said, the hitch in the sentence only drawing more attention to whatever it was she hadn't said. "Can't leave the remains of a technique like that just lying around where anyone could study them."

"Sounds like a plan. Collie, Blaster, why don't you escort our guest and make sure nothing interrupts her so that she can focus on her work without being distracted." Mari smiled with teeth. "Of course, I'm absolutely certain you won't have any issues and that the guard duty will be extremely boring."

"Of course," Arikada said blandly.

Mari eyed her for a moment, then nodded and gestured to the rest of the team. "The rest of you are on me; we'll clean up our own stuff."

Arikada's lips curled into a knowing leer. "On you, huh? Good choices. Nice musculature on that one." Her chin jerked towards Hazou. "As to the girls—"

A kunai went past Arikada's face so close that the wind of its passage stirred her hair.

Keiko's face was utterly blank. "Oops."

Arikada's leer got wider but she stopped talking.

"Come," Akane said politely, gesturing back the way she'd come. "I believe the first of your zombies is this way...?"

"Said we should just blow her up, but nooo," Kagome muttered as he fell in behind Arikada. "'Head on a plate is fine,' he said. 'Sounds good,' I said. Does anyone listen to me? Nooo. Boom. Squish. So much easier. Stinker."

Mari waited until Arikada was out of earshot (hopefully; godsdamned unknown bioseal abilities!) but still close enough to catch if there were any issues. She kept her gaze firmly on the biosealer while gesturing the kids in close; splitting the team like this was a risk, but they needed to get some chakra into Noburi so that he could run and fight. Almost as important, they needed to do it without Arikada seeing it happen—no way were they giving up that ace in the hole.

"That was really impressive, sensei," Hazou said. "I didn't expect you to actually talk her down."

Mari shrugged, not looking away from where Arikada was bent over the body of the corpse warrior that Hazou and Noburi had destroyed, digging around in its guts with a knife and a bottle of acid. Thankfully, Kagome and Akane were staying well out of reach and not talking. "Honestly? Neither did I. It was pre-battle smack talk to stall her while the rest of you caught up and to rattle her for the fight. I didn't expect her to actually stop and listen."

Noburi laughed. "Guess she's smarter than we thought."

"Yeah," Mari said. "Speaking of which, walking up into fight range when you're out of chakra wasn't the brightest. We'll talk about that later, though. For now, tap some chakra out of the three of us." She shifted a half-step to her left so that Noburi was between her and Arikada before extending her canteen, one finger tucked into the water. Keiko and Hazou shuffled in close and put their own fingers inside; Noburi was a second behind them but the moment his finger touched the water Mari felt the unpleasant tugging of the chakra being pulled out of her.

"While we're supplying energy to vampire boy, I'm taking input on what happens next. My basic plan is to run for Leaf and don't stop.'"

"I like that plan," Noburi said instantly. "She creeps me the hell out. I'm not going to be able to go all that way without a recharge, though. Probably two or three, actually—without my barrel it's a constant struggle to keep the chakra bound to the water. It'll leak out fast."

Mari nodded, hiding the grimace. "Okay, that's fine. Keiko, do you have enough juice for another summoning?"

Keiko nodded. "Yes, sensei. I don't know how functional Panchipaama will be, though. Forcible unsummoning is supposed to be quite debilitating. If I call and she can't or won't accept the summons I'll have burned the chakra for nothing."

Mari digested that rather sour morsel of knowledge with a calm expression. It would have been really nice to have a massive not-killable-for-realsies spiky ball of death on their side, but it sounded like that wasn't reliable. Things were just getting better and better, weren't they?

"Okay, no problem," she said. "Noburi, when you need to recharge I want you to rotate between Hazou, Akane, and Kagome. I want to keep my levels high for fighting and, just in case Arikada notices what's going on, I want her to believe that Keiko's levels are still high enough to summon. Just take enough that you can keep running. If fighting breaks out, get clear and do not engage. Understood?"

"Yes, sensei," Noburi said, taking his finger out of the canteen. She passed him the vessel and watched as he carefully stoppered it and slung the strap diagonally across his body, fiddling with the buckle for a moment to ensure that it was tightly affixed.

"Sensei, I have some ideas...?" Hazou offered. At her nod he continued. "Like you said, we need to clean up. Grab the PMYFs and the...misterators." (She grinned at his sour expression.) "Then we need to brief Arikada on what to expect. She isn't going to like the part about being tied up and taken into custody when we get to the border."

Mari puffed out her cheeks, sighing. "Boy howdy is that an understatement," she said. "It also really weakens the story I told her. Still, she didn't believe it anyway, so nothing lost." She watched Noburi and Hazou both look momentarily surprised. "Oh, come on," she said, "Ms Crazypants bought into that story for about ten seconds, and then she woke up and realized that I was full of crap. Didn't matter, though, because she was in a no-win situation and pretending to accept my line of horsehockey was her best option. Fortunately she bought it for just long enough to move out of fight-or-flight mode and think rationally enough that she realized standing down was her best move."

"Uh...right," Hazou said. "Anyway, after we've explained about the search and capture we should give her a chance to dump any stuff she doesn't want to have seen. I'll keep an eye on her while she's doing it; maybe I can memorize some of her seals."

"Kagome will explode if he finds you using seals that came from Arikada," Keiko noted.

"I'll deal with Kagome-sensei," Hazou said. "For now, it's too good a chance to miss. Besides, I can just not use them, right?"

"I feel certain that nothing bad will occur as a result of that plan," Keiko said calmly. She paused. "That was sarcasm."

"Yes, I got that," Hazou said. "Thank you. Anyway, Arikada may not take the chance but it's better to offer it. While she's doing that, we should stash our own stuff that we want to keep secret from Leaf. Keiko, you said that the pangolins would keep things for us?"

She nodded. "Yes, although they will inspect them. In particular, although they didn't explicitly say so I would expect that any seals we send them will be duplicated."

Hazou grimaced. "Not thrilled about that, but I care more about Leaf getting our tech than the pangolins. At least the Polemarch and his people are our allies."

Mari forbore to point out that there was a difference between being Keiko's ally and being the team's ally. Hazou's point was still valid, since Leaf wasn't even nominally an ally.

"You should have Pandaa reverse-summon you so you can take all the stuff," Hazou said. "While you're there, make sure that the pangolins know we're going to Leaf and that Jiraiya promised us we'd be under his protection. Also, give them a written message for Jiraiya explaining everything that's gone down so that we can use that as proof of our intentions if everything goes wrong. We'll write a couple of reports—"

Mari and Keiko both stared at him in astonishment. "Are you kidding?" Mari said. "We're not going to stop and sit here writing reports. We're going to do the cleanup and then full-sprint for Leaf. We'll do the reports verbally and in person. Having them written gains us nothing. Anyway, we'll undoubtedly be debriefed when we get there and we can write them then, in a stable situation. Which, for the record, this is not."

"Oh. Um, right. Okay, well, uh, anyway, Keiko, while you're in the Summon Realm you should send a thank-you note to Panchipaama—"

"Thank you," Keiko said coldly. "I appreciate you suggesting that, since I certainly would not have thought of it on my own. We all know how my bloodline renders me incapable of basic social politeness. I am very grateful to you for covering my weaknesses like that." Long pause. "That was also sarcasm."

Hazou had the grace to blush. "Uh...right. Sorry."

"Would you like to get the other foot in there?" Mari asked. "I think if you push a little you could probably get them both in. I have some hot sauce if you want it—I'm told that it really cuts the taste of shoe leather."

The blush got deeper. "Sorry," he mumbled again, looking at his feet. "Just...um. Never mind. Right, moving on." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "Um...I had some other thoughts about that but, uh...never mind. Uh...anyway. Once we're moving I think I should try to strike up a conversation with Ari—"

"Vetoed," Mari said instantly. "We're going to be running balls-out and none of us is going to be close enough to talk to her. Besides, you'd only have four hours. You're not going to get her to open up and tell you anything really useful in that time, while running. Move along."

"Oh. Um...okay. Well, when we get to the border I think it might be a good idea to ask Kagome-sensei if he'd be willing to go under your happiness genjutsu, sensei. He's going to be seriously on edge, and getting searched and tied up might be enough to make him lash out."

Mari weighed that one. "I'll talk to him about it," she said. "It's a bad idea for a lot of reasons, but under these circumstances it might be less bad than the alt...." She trailed off and blinked at what was happening over by the rest of the team. Arikada had finished digging around in the corpse and watching it dissolve from the caustic liquids she'd been pouring over it. Now she was turning those tools on herself.

Much of Arikada's skin was diseased-looking or possibly rotten. The rotting had progressed rapidly through the tentacles that she'd peeled off her arms and back; now they hung around her in stinky black streamers. She was busily tearing them off her body, hacking with the knife and burning with the acid where necessary. She tossed the remains onto the slowly-dissolving corpse and added more of whatever was in the bottle.

"That is just disturbing," Mari murmured, receiving three nods in fervent agreement.

"On the bright side," Keiko said, "it would appear that most of her techniques are designed to work within her own body, and the extra flesh she had attached was important to them. She has already shed the mass from her legs, arms, and spinal region. This should limit her combat potential somewhat."

"Nice theory," Noburi said. "I hope you're right."

Keiko nodded. "So do I."

o-o-o-o​

It only took ten minutes for the team to gather up all of their thrown weapons and seals except for two kunai and a misterator that no one could find. Mari was jittery and pushing for a rapid departure even at the cost of leaving the lost items behind—a paper tag wouldn't last past the next rainfall at most, so it wasn't that much of a risk—but Arikada was still combing with agonizing slowness through the remains of the corpse that Hazou and Noburi had fought.

"How much longer?" Mari demanded.

The sealmistress looked up. "As long as it takes," she said. "You can't rush seal work. If I do this wrong it means Bad Things."

Kagome backed up half a step and started to raise his hands before a quelling look from Mari made him put them down again.

"What are you doing?" Mari asked. This was the problem with dealing with someone else's area of expertise: she had no way to judge if Arikada was telling the truth, or how bad the potential consequences of a misstep were.

Arikada sniffed derisively. "Know a lot about seals, do you? Would you like a recitation of the nine-dimensional implications of cascade failure modalities, or do you think you could just stand there and look pretty while I work?"

"Eleven dimensions," Kagome said.

Arikada blinked. "What?" Her voice was nervous.

"Cascade failures run in eleven dimensions for anything except trivial cases. Thirteen if you're dealing with more than two but less than five interlinked nodes." He sniffed. "If you're dealing with five or more then you're a stinking idiot and we should just kill you now before you do something really stupid." He shot Mari a weaponized puppy-dog look. "In fact, killing her sounds great. Head on a plate is okay, right? One little—"

"Stand down, Blaster," Mari said, chuckling. "Well, Ms Arikada, it would appear that you are either stalling or insufficiently knowledgeable. Which is it?"

Arikada looked sour. "There's a piece of the array I need to find," she grumbled. "It was scratched into the end of one of the ribs. It's a mess in here and it's going to take a few minutes, okay?"

Mari looked around, sweeping her eyes over the surrounding area, then took three steps and bent to pick something up from the grass. "Is this it?" she asked, holding out her hand.

Mari, Deception:
?d100: 1099

Arikada, Deception:
?d100: 975

Arikada pushed herself to her feet and stepped over to see what Mari was holding. The moment she moved away from the corpse there was an ear-shattering KABOOM! from behind her. She spun around to see Kagome crouched down, one hand held just in front of where the corpse's head had been. The body was entirely gone and a fan of blood and finely-ground guts was spread over the grass.

"Oh good, all your seals were destroyed," Mari said, calmly opening her fingers to reveal an empty hand. "Guess we can get moving."

o-o-o-o​

The run to Leaf was an endless fountain of stress for Mari. The team had split into pairs and spread out in a loose arc behind Arikada, but they couldn't just run along. No, Noburi was going to need to periodically recharge from one of the others, and Mari was determined to hide what was happening. That meant she had to make the pairs reshuffle at random times. Sure, it added some unpredictability to where people would be at any given time, which made it harder for Arikada to plan an escape. It was what spec-ops teams would have done if they were escorting someone, but it wasn't something that the kids had trained for. Mari's nerves were getting frazzled by the constant fear that they'd exchange places a little too slowly and leave a hole in the perimeter through which Arikada could escape. She mitigated the problem slightly by signaling who should swap and when, then moving to where the hole was likely to be. All while running a steady thirty klicks an hour and maintaining careful station.

Arikada, Stealth:
?d100: 717

Mari, Awareness:
?d100: 1056

Keiko, Awareness:
12d100: 761

Kagome, Awareness:
?d100: 658 (Who are you and what have you done with my paranoid explosives woobie?!)

Noburi, Awareness:
12d100: 486

Hazou, Awareness:
15d100: 477 (?!)

Akane, Awareness:
9d100: 370


Who runs over the bomb? (1-5, 1=Keiko, 2=Kagome...5=Akane; Arikada waited for Mari to be not-it)
1d5: 3 (Noburi)

He didn't see her drop it, so that means he actually has to try to dodge. (Bomb's to-hit was 717.)
Noburi, Dodge Explosives (Awareness + 1/5 TacMov):
15d100: 770

We'll get you the next time, my pretty little medic... —EJ's dice

Okay, everyone has to make three separate dodge rolls against the explodey maggots. Everyone who misses a roll is marked in red.
Hazou (Awareness + 1/5 TacMov): 18d100 => 1033, 865, 920
Noburi (Awareness + 1/5 TacMov): 15d100 => 609, 642, 575
Keiko (Awareness + 1/5 TacMov): 15d100 => 710, 538, 783
Akane (Awareness + 1/5 TacMov): 12d100 => 403, 587, 645
Mari (Awareness + 1/5 TacMov): ?d100 => 1021, 983, 1329
Kagome (Awareness + 1/5 TacMov): ?d100 => 960, 914, 1131

Explodey maggots:
?d100: 497, 562, 700 => Class A success against Akane! Damage discarded due to Pangolin jutsu! Class A success against Akane! Status effect applied: The Hunger Within! (Chakra worm eating its way through her abdominal cavity.)

Okay, Arikada is trying to get away; it's a contest between her TacMov and Mari's. (No one else is fast enough to matter.) Each person needs to make a Class C success in order to escape / catch the other. If the Class C requires multiple successes then they must be consecutive.
Arikada, turbo-boosted TacMov:
?d100 + ?d100 (turbo) + ?d100 (chakra boost): 1469

Mari, TacMov:
?d100 + ?d100 (chakra boost): 1245
Class B success for Arikada

Arikada, turbo-boosted TacMov:
?d100 + ?d100 (turbo) + ?d100 (chakra boost): 1246

Mari, TacMov:
?d100 + ?d100 (chakra boost) + Wind Wall: 1327
Defeat for Arikada! Counter reset to zero for both sides.

Arikada, turbo-boosted TacMov:
?d100 + ?d100 (turbo) + ?d100 (chakra boost): 1269

Mari, TacMov:
?d100 + ?d100 (chakra boost) + Wind Wall: 1559
Class B success for Mari

Turbo boost expires! Arikada collapses! The armies of the Light win!

They were two miles out from the border, at the edge of the giant forest that was the Land of Fire. Mari was on the far right flank when she caught the nigh-imperceptible motion of Arikada palming an explosive tag out of her belt and dropping it on the ground as she ran.

"Bomb!" Mari and Keiko shouted almost simultaneously. Mari spun, leaping back towards Noburi with her heart in her mouth; he clearly hadn't seen the tag and was about to run right over it. If he was hurt she would—

Noburi heard the warning and reacted instantly, rolling away from the blast with the crabbed sideways roll of the barrel-wearing Wakahisa clan. The wave of relief that washed through Mari was so powerful it almost knocked her over. She spun on her heel and went after Arikada.

The biosealer had taken the brief moment of the team's distraction to strip her tunic off over her head. Still running, she dug her nails into the flesh of her chest and ripped it free, hurling two massive slabs of bloody meat backwards and to the side. The meat tumbled and spun, scattering thumb-sized carapaced maggots in their wake.

Everyone but Mari very wisely hit the deck, tumbling and rolling away from what could not more clearly have been a bio-weapon. Diving for cover was an excellent choice: the moment the maggots hit the ground they exploded, fragments of exoskeleton flying everywhere. Each blast was a tiny fraction of the power of an explosive tag, but there were over a dozen of them, and they went off in a rolling blast wave that kept the team busy dodging instead of pursuing.

While the others were diving for cover, Mari made a snap judgement and put on the speed, trusting her reflexes to keep herself safe while the others went to ground. It was a painful call but a necessary one. No one else had the speed to keep up with Arikada if she pulled out another trick like the flesh tentacles. The maggots were obviously there to buy time for their mistress to escape; if Mari went to ground, or went back to help the kids, Arikada would escape. If Arikada escaped, Jiraiya would kill the team. Simple as that.

With a half-remembered childhood prayer on her lips, Mari pushed chakra into her muscles and flew across the ground towards her target. Arikada must have heard her coming, because she glanced back and paled.

No. She wasn't paling; the flesh of her face and the rest of her body was melting, sinking in, and leaving her as a horse-faced woman of normal dimensions. She laughed and accelerated so fast Mari would have sworn it was impossible if she hadn't seen it happen.

From behind came a scream of pain, but Mari blocked that out and raced after her target, refusing to be distracted. Arikada opened the distance effortlessly, plunging into the edge of the forest; in seconds she would be out of sight and then gone.

With a snarl, Mari flicked a Wind Wall in front of herself and leaped through it. The helpful hands of the winds lifted her and hurled her after the bitch that she fully intended to break apart. She came out of the Wall and immediately cast another one, throwing away chakra as if it were free. This woman would not get away.

They were deep in the trees, dodging back and forth as Arikada desperately tried to break line of sight and Mari stubbornly clung to her heels. She was narrowing the distance, she should be able to get her hands on her opponent in just a few—

Between one step and the next, Arikada sprawled face-first on the ground and lay there, convulsing. Mari slowed down and approached warily, narrow-eyed and expecting an ambush.

The convulsions went on for at least a minute before the sealmistress's body finally went completely limp. As much as she wanted to run back and check on her team, Mari forced herself to wait. She searched around for a long treelimb and poked the sealmistress in the ribs, hard. When there was no reaction she poked harder, then smacked her in the head none too gently. Still no reaction.

Carefully, she approached and knelt down, one knee on the ground and one on Arikada's neck. One hand on the shoulderblade, one on the bicep. A quick yank and the shoulder joint was dislocated. There was no scream, so presumably Arikada really was thoroughly unconscious. Mari nodded grim satisfaction.

With efficient motions, Mari worked her way down Arikada's body, dislocating shoulders, hips, and thumbs. From a sealing scroll the red-headed jounin produced a bag containing rope and cloth. Wadded-up cloth plus a length of rope became a gag. It wasn't safe to gag an unconscious person, but given all the surprises she'd given them so far, Mari was perfectly willing to take the risk. As Kagome had been so frequently reminding her, 'head on a plate' was a perfectly valid option.

The bag went over Arikada's head and was tied tightly to her neck. An arm binder with attached mitten rendered the sealmistress unable to move fingers or arms, and fastening wrists and ankles in a nasty hogtie meant the bitch wasn't going to be struggling free. With a grunt of satisfaction, Mari lifted the unconscious body to her shoulder and headed back to rejoin the team at the best speed she could make while carrying a larger and heavier woman.

When she arrived, Mari dropped Arikada to the ground without a thought for the unpleasant crunch that resulted; she was far too horrified to see the rest of the team gathered around a screaming, thrashing Akane, most of whose torso was covered in blood that pumped sluggishly from the hole in her abdomen. Under the skin, something writhed.

Keiko and Kagome were struggling to pin the taller girl's arms down while Hazou lay across Akane's lower body, keeping her vaguely still and preventing her from accidentally kicking anyone. He was liberally splashed with the girl's blood. Noburi crouched beside her, ash-white but steady. His left hand hovered over the skin of her belly, green medical chakra bathing the region. His right thumb and forefinger were stuck into her wound, trying and failing to get hold of the worm that was eating his teammate from the inside.

Kagome's head came up when Arikada hit the ground "There she is!" he snapped, eyes wild and wide. "She must have an answer, let's—"

"Kagome, stay where you are," Mari snapped in full command voice. "Noburi, stop what you're doing. There's no way to know if grabbing the worm is safe. Try to just keep her stable for a minute. Everyone keep your eyes on Akane, let me know if anything changes."

Mari knelt down beside Arikada and rolled her to the side, pulling the hood off and taking the gag out. She slapped the woman's face to wake her, but got no response. Grabbing the dislocated shoulder joint and wrenching it got a moan and a roll of the head but nothing more. Grimly, Mari pulled out her scroll of cooking supplies.

A thimbleful of hot sauce in the right eye and one in each nostril woke Arikada up with a shout. Mari snapped a hand over her mouth, forcibly turning the woman's head so she could look her in the still-functional eye.

"One of your worms got my student," Mari said calmly. "How do we fix it?" She removed her hand.

"You can't," Arikada said immediately. "It'll eat until—" She screamed as Mari used the tip of a kunai to scoop out Arikada's hot-sauce-reddened eye.

"One of your worms got my student," Mari said calmly. "How do we fix it?"

"You crazy bitch!" Arikada shouted. "I'll fucking kill you!" She screamed louder as the kunai took her nose off with one clean stroke.

"If you say anything else that is not helpful, I will shove this kunai through your eye and kill you," Mari said, still in that calm voice. "One of your worms got my student. How do we fix it?"

"Acid!" Arikada sobbed. "There's acid in one of my scrolls! If you cut or crush the worm it'll spill toxin and kill her, but the acid will neutralize the poison as it kills the worm!"

Mari nodded and patted Arikada on the head. "Very good. Now, let me make something clear: Collie is a sweet girl and all of us love her very much. Right now I am the only thing standing between you and my highly creative and overprotective explosives master. If you do or say anything at all that does not help my girl, I will kill you instantly. If something unpleasant happens to me, he will kill you eventually. Do we have an understanding?"

"Yes, yes, yes...." the sealmistress sobbed, weeping tears of blood and salt into the grass.

"Excellent. Now, which scroll?"

What followed were the absolute worst four minutes of Mari's life. Turning her emotions off so that she could do what was necessary to quickly extract the necessary information from the psychopathic sealmistress was going to have its own costs later. Keeping them off so that she could pour a measured quantity of acid over her student's writhing body was a living nightmare. The one tiny sliver of brightness in the picture was that Kagome had a pair of stretchers in a storage seal ("What? You mean you don't?"), so they didn't have to waste time making them. They dosed Arikada with the paralytic, stripped her, gagged and hooded her again, summoned Pandaa and sent him off with their secret gear, and then ran for Leaf as fast as they could with Akane on one stretcher and Arikada on the other.

As they ran, the team took turns shouting "Monkey Salmon! Monkey Salmon! Monkey Salmon!" The sooner the Leaf patrols found them, the better. And, since the team wasn't about to slow down to a speed that would look more like "traveling" as opposed to "raiding", it would be best if the first thing the Leaf nin heard was Jiraiya's passcode.

It was a good thing they did, because Leaf had stepped up their border security since the last time Team Uplift passed through. They were only a mile past the notional border when an overstrength squad of eight ninja melted out of the trees around them.

"We're agents of Jiraiya's," Mari said, before anyone could speak. "I'm Inoue Mari and this is Arikada Sugako, a sealmistress with an emphasis on bioseals. We're bringing her in at Jiraiya's order. My student is badly wounded and needs urgent medical care. We'll do whatever you want, accept being tied or whatever, as long as you get her help soon."

"Put them down and back up," the team leader said, gesturing to the ground in front of them. Kagome and Hazou, the two currently carrying Akane, set her stretcher down without a word and stepped back. Kagome was wringing his hands, but showed no sign of attacking as one of the Leaf ninja bent down and inspected both Akane and Arikada.

"She's got foreign biomatter intrusion into the lower right abdomen, high risk of peritonitis," Noburi said. "The foreign body was a chakra-enhanced worm that ate flesh starting at point of insertion and moving laterally—"

The leader of the Leaf squad turned a little green and held up a hand. "We'll get her to the hospital," he said. He jerked his head at one of his squad; the man bent down and scooped Akane up in his arms before racing off into the woods, a second ninja falling in behind him.

"Get on the ground, face-down, hands behind your backs," the Leaf team leader said. "Your password is good, but we're still going to have to tie you and search you."

"Whatever, just get it done and take us in," Mari said, doing as ordered. The others dropped down beside her, even Kagome hardly hesitating. The need to get through the preliminaries so they could be reunited with Akane as quickly as possible overrode any other concerns.

The team leader nodded sympathetically. "We'll go as fast as we can, I promise." He flicked through a series of hand seals and moments later an Earth Clone was binding the team's fingers and hands.

o-o-o-o​

Growing up in Mist, Konoha had always occupied a strange position in Hazou's worldview. It was simultaneously a fortress of horrible, baby-eating enemies and a village populated by fighters too soft-hearted to be ninja. It was the home of Jiraiya, a sneaky trickster who was, granted, the best sealmaster in the world. And, well, yes, the God of Shinobi. And the Copy Ninja. And an entire clan of All Seeing Eyes. And the last scion of the Uchiha. And...

You know, maybe there was a reason that Mist had carefully avoided going to war with Fire.

In practice, the walls of Konoha were impressive but nothing like what Hazou's fevered imagination had dreamed up. They were not soaring pinnacles of bone dripping with ancient seals of eldritch knowledge and guarded by demons. They were stone, thirty feet high and thick enough that two ninja could pass each other while patrolling along their tops. They stretched off into the distance, their winding course disappearing rapidly into the distance.

That was what really brought it home; the walls stretched out of sight. Clearly, they surrounded the entire city. A city larger than Mist, and nestled inside a miles-wide ring of trees vastly larger than any others in the forest. Trees that had been created from nothing by a ninja of legend.

While Hazou was lost in his half-awed musings, the Leaf commander exchanged sign-and-countersign with the gate guards before leading the still-bound team inside the walls.

"Welcome to Konoha," he said. "I'm Anami Hachiro, leader of Patrol Team Six. I'll send someone to the hospital to check on your teammate but, in the meantime, Jiraiya's waiting for you in Hokage Tower."





Summary: In case you wanted to skip the gross bits, the chapter basically covers Arikada's attempt to escape and Mari's pursuit and capture. Akane was badly injured in the process, taking a poison worm to the belly. The team saved her but she will be in hospital for quite a while. You made it to Konoha safely.

Note that Arikada had no written seals or other interesting gear in her possession.




XP AWARD: 14

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Chapter 83: Interrogation and Declaration

Hazō wasn't tied up, and this fact was making him very uncomfortable.

To be sure, the team had been stripped of all their weapons and equipment, and given a distressingly thorough body search (though as someone brought up in Mist, Hazō knew it could have been worse). But they, a team of highly suspicious missing-nin including at least one jōnin, were being taken into the presence of the leader of the most powerful political entity in the world, and none of them were being restrained in any way.

The Hokage didn't look like the kind of man who was beyond assassination. A middle-aged ninja in white robes and the obligatory Kage hat, he was gazing down at a desk covered with scrolls in various stages of unfurlment, his brow lined with what Hazō suspected was bureaucratic frustration. He could have been some random mid-rank pencil-pusher in the Mizukage's Office (or, well, its Leaf equivalent). He wasn't that tall, and was dwarfed by the high bookshelves lining the room; Jiraiya, sitting in a chair to the side and giving them a "don't embarrass me in front of my boss" look, seemed to project a much stronger sense of presence.

Then the Hokage straightened up, and looked directly at Hazō.

Hazō's perspective reoriented itself. The Hokage was behind the desk and the scrolls. The Hokage was between the bookshelves. The Hokage was next to Jiraiya. The Hokage was in front of Hazō. He filled every corner of the room, defining every location and every spatial relationship without changing anything but his posture.

Oh, right. Middle-aged ninja.

"This," Jiraiya said gravely, "is Sarutobi Hiruzen-sensei, the Third Hokage. He's permitted me to attend while you give him a full report on the Arikada mission."

"Thank you, Jiraiya," the Hokage said. He sounded nothing like what Hazō had expected.

When the Mizukage spoke at public assemblies, his voice was high and cold, piercing you wherever you stood. It divided the world into straight lines of narrow steel, a razor-sharp net with no escape. There were only tools and traitors, right and wrong, sacrifice and selfishness, law and transgression. His charisma made you want to believe in a simple world where all you had to do was be one of those straight lines, and everything would be peaceful and good and right, forever. His reputation made you terrified of falling into the gaps between them, an endlessly deep void from which there was no way back.

The Hokage… was Hazō's grandfather. Not Kurosawa Ginrei, of whom he knew only the name. Not Izuki Jirō, who had passed away long before Hazō's birth. The Hokage was Hazō's grandfather as he ought to be, with the overwhelming but peaceful strength of an oak tree, decades of wisdom piled up like logs against a hard winter, and kindness to warm you like a fireplace if you were ready to show the proper respect. The rich timbre of the Hokage's voice complemented his all-encompassing aura, turning the room into a space that felt safe because it was under the Hokage's absolute control.

Then the Hokage shifted his attention to the team. "Mori Keiko. Kurosawa Hazō. Kagome... Kagome...?"

Kagome-sensei glowered. The Hokage continued unperturbed.

"Inoue Mari. Wakahisa Noburi." Left to right. Hazō could keenly feel the one missing name.

"You have served Jiraiya well, in your own way, and for this I am grateful. Now, report."

There was less wood in the Hokage's voice now, and more stone, reminding Hazō that he and they were allies of convenience at best, one step short of enemies, and that the warmth was not for them. He had to shake off the feeling that he'd just been shut out in the cold and needed to try to earn the Hokage's approval as fast as possible in order to be let back in.

If Mist was the way it was because of the Mizukage and his predecessors, what must Leaf be like? Was this why it had been able to give birth to someone like Akane?

Akane.

"Hokage, sir, I, uh, don't mean to be rude," Hazō stammered as Inoue-sensei turned towards him in barely-suppressed horror, "but could I ask about Ishihara Akane's condition first? Is she going to be all right?"

Jiraiya snorted for reasons known only to himself. The Hokage gave him a brief sideways look of disapproval, then returned to Hazō.

"Your concern for your teammate does you credit," the Hokage said. Approval!

Hazō mentally kicked himself at the reflexive reaction.

"I have good news and bad news," the Hokage went on. "The bad news is that you only just brought her to us in time. Any longer and she would be dead. Even now the Shinigami is hovering over her.

"The good news is that Hidden Leaf possesses the world's most advanced medical ninjutsu, and we have dealt with things stranger than these so-called chakra worms. Our resident bioweapons expert, Dr Yakushi, is operating on Miss Ishihara right now. I can tell you with confidence that she couldn't be in better hands."

Hazō sighed with relief. "Thank you, sir. Sorry for interrupting."

The Hokage nodded. "Now, the report, if you would be so kind."

Inoue-sensei cleared her throat.

"Following Jiraiya's instructions, we arrived at Sarubetsu in southern Rice. After establishing a base camp, we spent several days infiltrating the town and identifying figures of importance, as well as analysing the territory. We developed low-level contacts within the Irie and Hinago clans, two of the three ninja clans competing for influence in Sarubetsu, and it is our belief that the Hinago were the ones working with Arikada, though we never gained conclusive proof.

"We negotiated with Sarubetsu's mayor, a civilian with a high degree of influence over the clans, and persuaded her to prevent them from interfering with our mission."

The Hokage raised his hand, and Inoue-sensei fell silent.

"Were your identities, or ours, compromised at any point during the mission?"

Somebody who hadn't known Inoue-sensei for as long as Hazō might have missed the flush of shame. Thinking about it, it was worrying that she felt it around him often enough that he'd learned to recognise it.

"The mayor, Emiya Manako, saw my true appearance, but did not get my name. Additionally, an Irie contact implied that he was able to identify Wakahisa, Kurosawa and Mori through circumstantial evidence, but he did not learn their names or appearances, and did not express any intent to make use of this information. Ishihara and Kagome's identities were…" Inoue-sensei struggled for words, clearly remembering Hazō's account of the Yoichi's Incident, "…uncompromised."

The Hokage looked Inoue-sensei in the eye. "Miss Inoue," he said meaningfully, with an edge of reproach.

Inoue-sensei flinched. "I… should add that the Irie contact blackmailed the aforementioned three into purchasing some of his goods using the information on their identity."

"Thank you, Miss Inoue. Please continue."

"On the day of Arikada's arrival, we identified her from long range, and then proceeded to ambush her. We eliminated her two bodyguards—"

The Hokage held up his hand. Inoue-sensei stopped.

"I understand that the Sarubetsu terrain is flat and lacking in concealment. What technique did you use to identify Arikada from long range without revealing your location?"

"High-altitude observation," Inoue-sensei said reluctantly.

The Hokage's eyebrows rose. "High-altitude observation? How did you achieve something like that on flat terrain?"

"With respect, sir," Inoue-sensei said, "we would prefer not to discuss our methods with a third party."

"I'm afraid I must insist," the Hokage said. "High-altitude observation is a known counter to Hidden Leaf's concealment strategy. We need to be able to anticipate any means of achieving it."

Inoue-sensei glanced at Hazō. Hazō did not want to make the Hokage "insist" further.

"We constructed a watchtower," Hazō explained, feeling a brief thrill of satisfaction at Jiraiya and the Hokage's bemused expressions. "We used a Five-Seal Barrier to stabilise a spiral of ninja wire, which we used to support progressively higher sets of wooden platforms. With no visible infrastructure, the tower could not be seen from range."

Jiraiya and the Hokage exchanged meaningful looks.

"Can I have a piece of paper and something to write with, Sarutobi-sensei?" Jiraiya asked excitedly. The Hokage was already wordlessly passing him the supplies with an expression of wry resignation.

Roughly two minutes were occupied by six people watching Jiraiya write and sketch. Finally, he held up a piece of paper half-covered with formulae and half with an annotated image of a tower.

"It works!" he declared, his earlier solemnity forgotten. "If you place the spiral correctly, you can apply the Inumura diffusion effect across the entire surface area! Now if we combine it with some Force Wall effects, and add a dispersion seal to the highest point… and this could be angled to support weapon emplacements…"

The Hokage gave a cough.

"Sorry, Sarutobi-sensei," Jiraiya said, looking up. "But this is the sealcrafting innovation of the year. There are so many possible applications which could really tip the balance of power…" he trailed off, looking back up at the team. The Hokage was now looking at them as well.

"Were you the original creators of this design?" the Hokage asked mildly.

There was a long pause as Inoue-sensei visibly weighed the options.

"Yes," she finally said.

"Hmm," was all the Hokage said in response. "Please proceed with your report."

"We engaged Arikada in mid-range combat. She used an unknown ability to detonate one of her dead bodyguards' heads, but I was able to avoid most of the damage. When we pursued, she used another ability to strip flesh from her legs in a large explosion and propel herself in a hundred-metre jump."

The Hokage frowned, but did not interrupt.

"She then extracted shinobi corpses, presumably from a scroll, and used the Edo Tensei Technique to reanimate them to attack us—"

The Hokage's hand practically leapt up to stop her. "The Edo Tensei Technique. Are you absolutely certain that is what she called it?"

"Yes, sir."

The Hokage and Jiraiya exchanged looks again.

"Raven!" the Hokage said loudly.

A ninja in grey armour and a bird mask appeared out of nowhere next to the Hokage.

"Have Prisoner Arikada transferred to the Ram facility. Go."

"Yes, sir." The ninja disappeared again. Hazō longed to know how he did that, without even any visible hand seals.

"Please describe exactly what happened."

"When we caught up with Arikada after her jump, she was using hand seals over a set of three dead bodies. As she completed them, she shouted 'Edo Tensei Technique' and slapped a hand on the back of each in turn. The three corpses rose as if they were alive, and attacked us. They displayed an ability to use weapons and significant combat skills, and were very strong and durable."

"The one I was fighting had a spike rammed into its brain through the ear," Hazō added.

The Hokage's expression was completely opaque. "Thank you for this information. Did you happen to see the hand seals that Arikada was using for the technique?"

Hazō had, and he was pretty sure everybody else had too. Their attention had been completely focused on Arikada, and her actions had been pretty eye-grabbing.

"I'm afraid not," Inoue-sensei said. "She was almost finished by the time we came within range."

"That's right," Kagome-sensei added quickly. "We don't know anything about Leaf's secret forbidden technique. It probably wasn't Edo Tensei anyway. I heard her shout 'Emo Tensai', I know I did, and I'm sure Leaf doesn't have anything like that!"

"Thank you, Kagome," Inoue-sensei said wearily. She and Hazō had quickly talked it over beforehand, and decided that the only disaster worse than having Kagome-sensei present for the debriefing would be leaving him alone as a Hidden Leaf prisoner for any length of time.

"Please continue," the Hokage said.

"While we were fighting the corpses, Arikada transformed some of the excess flesh on her arms and back into three… I can only call them tentacles… which she used to increase her running speed. However, we were able to capture her and persuade her to return with us using a story about potential employment by Leaf, supplemented with extensive intimidation.

"Unfortunately, she made an escape attempt partway through. She ripped out part of her chest, which was filled with explosive maggots. It was one of these that got Ishihara. Fortunately, I was able to capture and… comprehensively disable… Arikada, and persuade her to give us the acid needed to destroy the worm and prevent further damage. The amount of persuasion necessary left her in her current condition."

"Her current condition," the Hokage repeated. "You are trying to keep our medic-nin busy. But do not take that as criticism. Many of my best shinobi would have done the same."

There was a part of Hazō that wished he'd been the one to torture Arikada for information. He wanted to hurt her, so much, for what she'd done to his Akane, and for what she'd nearly done to Akane, to make her scream, and he knew that now he never could.

Another part of him was looking at himself in horror, for impulses that he never knew he'd had. Did other people feel like this, feel the instinct to protect one's own turning into a desire—a need—for violence? If it had been him torturing Arikada, would he have been able to stop when he had what he needed?

For the first time, Hazō realised why Mist trained its ninja to be tools. He'd always assumed it was to remove compassion, to avoid it staying your hand when you needed to hurt or kill. But it wasn't, was it? Mist turned its ninja into tools because a tool would know when to stop. It would do what was necessary and exactly what was necessary, never being consumed by anger or hatred or bloodlust or any of the infinite darker passions brought out by the battlefield. It was because Inoue-sensei could turn herself into a tool that she was able to save Akane and complete the mission. Could Hazō have done the same?

"From there," Inoue-sensei concluded, "we ran to Leaf as fast as we could, for Ishihara's sake, and ultimately encountered a patrol team, whom we gave Jiraiya's code. You know the rest."

"Thank you," the Hokage said, leaning back in his seat. His eyes were fixed on some point beyond the ceiling.

A few minutes later, he looked down at the team again. "Yes, I believe I see. I will be speaking with you again regarding other matters, partly regarding events in Iron, Tea and Hot Springs, but also about the Noodle Incident, which I believe your original mission was part of. For now, however, we must see to Arikada, and you may rest after your mission."

"Sir," Inoue-sensei said, "what is our status in Hidden Leaf? Are we free to move around as visitors?"

The Hokage gave a brief shake of his head. "On the contrary. Persons in your position are typically provided with well-appointed quarters, in which they are to remain until needed. But given your history with Jiraiya, I am prepared to make certain concessions. I will appoint a team of minders to you for the duration of your stay. Any activities in Leaf will need to be cleared via them, and they will escort you as necessary. You will be dignitaries from a minor village, observing Leaf as part of preparations to negotiate an alliance. However, if you appear to be trying to act against Leaf's interests, you will be eliminated immediately."

There was a pause.

"Miss Inoue," the Hokage said without any particular malice, "you are thinking that we will be unable or unwilling to assign you a team of minders greater than your group in combat power. This is true. However, the team will be more than capable of delaying you long enough for reinforcements to converge on your position, so I would advise you not to take any act which could be interpreted as hostile.

"You are also thinking that, as a manipulation specialist, you will surely be able to misdirect these minders if need be, so as to allow someone in your team to pursue a course of action the minders would not condone. This is why the minder team will feature a Yamanaka, authorized to read your minds on the slightest suspicion that you are violating the terms of your stay.

"Is there anything else you wish to discuss before you are dismissed?"

"No, sir," Inoue-sensei said.

The Hokage reached for a drawer of his desk, and pulled out a finely decorated pipe.

"I do," Hazō cut in. "It's about Akane. Will we be able to visit her in hospital?"

"Yes," the Hokage nodded, "that can be arranged, subject to certain safeguards."

"What about other people? Can she receive visits from her parents? And there's one other person whose presence I think she'd find really helpful…"

"You need not be concerned," the Hokage said with a touch of amusement. "Leaf takes care of its own. And the procedures for Ishihara Akane's official reinstatement as a Leaf genin are already underway."

What?

Hazō looked at Jiraiya, feeling the shock of betrayal. What happened to Akane's right to decide which side she wanted to stay with?

"If she still wants to be part of your group after you nearly let her die," Jiraiya said coolly, "she may be able to serve as your liaison with Leaf. Or spy from Leaf, or whatever official fiction we come up with. But make no mistake—she's home now, she was never a missing-nin, and if you want to keep working with her, you will have to keep working with Leaf."

"Why, you stink—"

"Please excuse us!"

Inoue-sensei fell only slightly short of actual taijutsu in her rush to bundle Kagome out of the office before he said something they would all regret. The rest followed in a subdued silence.


-o-​

A few hours later, at the team's request…

"I thought I'd be hearing from you," Jiraiya snapped the book he was reading shut with a smile. "You really redeemed yourselves with this latest mission—no fatalities, no collateral damage, and the target alive and intact enough for our purposes. You need to work on maintaining cover, but nobody's perfect, and this is a hell of a lot better than that Hot Springs fiasco."

"Why did you do it?" Hazō burst out, angry enough not to care that he was speaking to one of the most powerful ninja in the world. "The agreement was that Akane would get a free choice of whether to stay with us or not!"

Jiraiya gave him a look. "Is that the thanks I get for arranging things so the kid gets her old life back and still has the option of working with you?"

"And we have to work for Leaf indefinitely if we want to keep her," Inoue-sensei added.

"A happy coincidence," Jiraiya said. "Besides, were you really planning to leave my employment?"

"You aren't acting in good faith," Hazō insisted. "How are we supposed to keep working with you if we can't trust you?"

"Keep your voice down," Jiraiya said softly. "I haven't violated the letter or the spirit of our agreement. Akane gets her choice. Leaf gets its genin. You wanted her parents and that awful spandex kid to visit her in hospital—are you really planning to make that happen just so you can take it away again when she's better?"

"I accept that the outcome you have orchestrated provides benefits to all parties," Keiko said tonelessly. "However, in doing so, you have denied our agency and unilaterally changed the terms of our relationship. I question your fitness to be our employer."

Jiraiya laughed. "Do you now? To my face, in the middle of a heavily-guarded compound at the heart of my village? You've got balls, girl. You're going to go far—if you don't get yourself killed mouthing off to the wrong ninja at the wrong time."

His expression turned more serious.

"The thing you need to understand, and it's best to do it while you're young, is that the whole world is like this. You and I aren't friends—we're allies. You kill things for a living while I work to keep the world from falling apart. I'm a nice guy, but if there's ever a choice between being nice to you and advancing my own agenda, well, it's not really a choice at all. And that's going to be true whoever you work for, except that they probably won't be as nice as me. Or as smoking hot."

"Excuse me," Inoue-sensei said slightly sharply, "the role of cynical yet extremely attractive mentor is already taken. Now, given that you've successfully outplayed us and we're stuck with the new status quo, can we move on to talking about our reward?"

"Wait, Inoue-sensei," Hazō said. "There's something I'd like to say."

"Oh?" Jiraiya said.

"Yes," Hazō said. "We're not in this to kill things for a living. Jiraiya, sir, you say you're working to keep the world from falling apart. We're trying to make it a world where you don't have to."

He felt Jiraiya's attention lock onto him.

Hazō had expected to feel stage fright, trying to convince Jiraiya of the Leaf Three, many decades his senior, and a man who had dedicated those decades to making the world a better place while Hazō had barely taken the first step. But somehow the stage fright never came—perhaps because he was giving shape to ideas that had been spinning inside his head for so long, in one shape or another, ever since those first days in Hidden Swamp. It wasn't that he knew what to say. It was that he was saying who he was.

"I understand why the world is falling apart," Hazō said in a firm, clear voice. "Civilians are constantly struggling not to die, between the roving monsters in the wilderness and the desperate lack of access to resources and technology. Meanwhile, the ninja with the power to change all this are groomed from childhood to be cold-blooded torturers and killers, fighting for moments of territorial domination that will be gone with the next war if not before. Even if Leaf is less bad than the rest, even if it has people like you, it still exists as part of the same dysfunctional system.

"It would take so little for us to make things better. I can use the Multiple Earth Wall Technique to build in minutes what it would take a village weeks to finish, and my structures will be strong, solid stone that many villages would never be able to mine in the first place. That's the one ninjutsu I just happen to know, teachable to a thirteen-year-old. Then there are medic-nin." Hazō gestured to Noburi. "Even a beginner medic-nin can perform miracles, fixing injuries and diseases in mere hours that will otherwise last for a civilian's life—or simply take it away. And we use them to patch up our fighters so they can get back onto the battlefield more quickly."

He pointed to Keiko. "Education. Imagine the expertise and know-how of the ninja villages, multiplied by the numbers of the civilian population. How many problems could we figure out how to solve? How many inventions could such a community give rise to?"

Next, Kagome-sensei. "A single seal can replace weeks, months, years of civilian labour. Storage seals for secure transportation. Exploding tags for demolitions. Five-Seal Barriers for temporary structures of any size and shape, and we've only just begun to plumb the depths of what you can do with those. How many other seals are there in the world?"

Finally, he turned to Inoue-sensei, who was listening to him with an unreadable expression. "How much could we change society if we applied our stores of knowledge about the human mind to healing mental sickness and improving communication, instead of constantly refining our techniques for spying and interrogation?"

Hazō refocused his attention on Jiraiya, who was listening with a silent intensity.

"We're starting to understand why the world is the way it is. Politics. Military strategy. The need to seize and maintain an advantage, multiplied into an arms race where nothing matters except dealing more damage and taking less. And that arms race is killing humanity.

"I don't think it was ever meant to be this way. When you listen to people talk, all anybody wants is peace. We fight for peace. We die for peace. We go to war to prevent others from taking away our peace. And the more we do it, the more we give up what we could become. Instead we keep killing those with the most potential, and forcing the rest to spend their lives producing resources so we can do it faster.

"Humanity's light is fading. I don't know how many generations it'll take, but if we keep going like this, we will eventually find ourselves in darkness. The wilderness will take back civilisation, and all the killing in the world won't be able to show us the way out of that abyss.

"This is not an acceptable outcome."

He felt something of Keiko's steel in his voice as he spoke that phrase, and briefly wondered what it meant.

"Jiraiya, sir, you don't understand the six of us yet—and that includes Akane, because she will come back to us. What we are to you isn't another set of tools. What we are is a unique opportunity.

"Most hidden village movers and shakers don't think it's possible to change the fundamental principles of the shinobi world, or they don't want to try because those principles benefit them, or they simply don't care. You probably know that a lot better than me, since you've spent your whole life trying to get them on board. And the people outside the system—the missing-nin—just want to keep their heads down.

"But we're different. Our journey started when Inoue-sensei saved us from the Swamp of Death because she chose to do what was right, instead of what was easy. I know we've made mistakes and compromises along the way, but we are working hard to make that same choice over and over again, until it stops being a choice and becomes a way of life. We're not hiding in the wilderness and telling ourselves that there is too much suffering in the world for six ninja to ever make a difference.

"You told us you wanted to build a world where no one is sacrificed in suicide missions. We want to build a world where no one is sacrificed. Ever. We want to build a world where peace exists as a foundation, not as an ultimate goal, and where everyone's happiness has equal value.

"Will you help us?"

Jiraiya looked at him. Just looked him in the eye, for what seemed like forever.

Hazō met his gaze without fear. Behind the fog of uncertainty and confusion through which he viewed so much of his life, deeper than all of the cracks and the flaws, this was who Kurosawa Hazō was.

Then Jiraiya chuckled.

"You know, kid, I think you and I could learn to get along."

-o-​

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-o-​

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Chapter 84: Meetings and Minders

"Does that mean you're in?" Hazou asked, trying hard not to hold his breath. The dream of improving the world...it was huge. There were times, when he thought about the goals that he had set for himself, that he felt them looming above him like a massive and unscalable cliff. Times when he thought that it was impossible, that there was no conceivable way that he could actually accomplish any sort of meaningful change in the world.

And then there were times like now. If Jiraiya joined the cause...Jiraiya of the Legendary Three, Jiraiya the student and friend of the God of Shinobi, Jiraiya the spymaster of the Leaf and all the power that entailed...if Jiraiya threw in his full efforts then the cliff went from unscalable to merely steep.

Jiraiya surveyed the team thoughtfully. "A little naive," he said to Inoue-sensei. "You haven't done much political training, huh?"

She shrugged. "Hasn't been at the top of my priority list," she said dryly, "what with all the wilderness threats, Yakuza, enemy ninja, blackmailing Sannin, overly-aggressive kenjutsu jounin, and insane bioseal experts that we've been dealing with for the last year." She paused, then continued in a more serious tone. "Don't dismiss him out of hand, though. The world he's picturing...it's a place that I'd like to live. A much better world than the one we've got. And yeah, he's thirteen and naive, but I think we'd do better to work for his world than to make him settle for ours."

Jiraiya's eyebrows went up. He turned back to Hazou and considered the nervous genin thoughtfully for a moment before speaking. "The thing you need to understand, kid, is that Konoha is my first priority, and I will do anything for it. I love this city with every trace of my being. I love its aggravating, impossible, brilliant ninja. I love its buildings and its twisty little streets. I love the fact that we have built a place where people are safe, where civilians can do their jobs with a reasonable belief that they'll wake up in the morning.

"Do I care about making some random foreigner in Mist or Earth happier or safer? Not really. It would be nice, sure, but if it ever came down to that foreigner's life versus some Konoha citizen's, I'd terminate the foreigner and sleep well that night. Every major village and most of the minor ones have a ninja who is my counterpart"—the red-painted cheeks crinkled in a smile—"although, of course, not my equal. Anyway, all of those ninja feel the same way I do. They care about their villages and their people, and they don't give a rat's ass about Konoha."

Despite his best efforts, Hazou's breath stopped in his chest. The words were the doom to his hopes, yet there seemed to be a 'but' hanging at the end.

"On the other hand, if the entire world was safe and rich then Konoha would be safer and richer too, right? And so would the villages of all those not-as-good-as-the-real-thing Jiraiya counterparts out there. And here you are, another starry-eyed kid telling me that you want to make the world shiny and happy for everyone and that doing it will mean everyone is safer and richer. It's a great thought, sure. Ask yourself two questions, though: first, do you really think that you're so much smarter than everyone else that no one has ever had this thought before? And, second, assuming that someone has had the idea already, why does the world look like it does?"

This was not the response that Hazou had expected, and he found himself fumbling for an answer. "Because...some people want power, and they think the best way to get it is by pushing other people down? And most people aren't willing to stand up to them?"

"Sure," Jiraiya said. "There's an element of truth to that. The balance of power in the Elemental Nations is largely determined by where a few dozen people live. The various Kage, the jinchuuriki, the S-rank ninja...nations that have more of those people are more powerful and can get more of what they want, leaving less for everyone else. That cuts both ways, though—I'm one of the ten most powerful ninja in the world, and I'm here in Konoha. Sarutobi-sensei is here. The jinchuuriki of the Nine-Tails is here. Gai, Kakashi, Tsunade, the entire Hyuuga clan, the Uchiha, the Aburame, the Nara—they're all here." He caught himself and shrugged. "Well, okay, Tsunade isn't in Konoha proper, but she's still in Fire. Point being, Konoha is a powerhouse that no one wants to mess with. Furthermore, Fire is a resource-rich area; we've got plenty of iron, coal, wood, water, arable land, precious metals, and everything else you need to be mostly self-sufficient. Let's stipulate for the sake of argument that not everyone in Konoha is stupid or a mustache-twirling kabuki villain. Given all that, why isn't Fire already this paradise that you're wanting to build?"

The voice was calm, the tones those of a teacher leading a pupil. Hazou could feel his heart speeding up as he cast around for the answer that Jiraiya clearly wanted him to get to. When the Sannin laid it all out like that, it really didn't add up. Fire should have been able to build the world that Hazou envisioned, so why hadn't they?

"I...don't know, sir?"

"Any of the rest of you kids want to take a crack at it?" Jiraiya asked. "Why isn't the whole world—or, at least, the Land of Fire—this super-happy paradise that our young friend here wants?"

Silence.

"Hm," Jiraiya said, pursing his lips in disappointment. "Well, think about it. In the meantime, I think you were due a reward for bringing Arikada in. I figured that's why you were here in the first place, so what is it you're looking for?"

"We haven't really had a chance to discuss it yet," Inoue-sensei said. "Mind if we get back to you tomorrow?"

The Toad Sage shrugged. "Sure," he said. "I'm in no rush. Anyway, if that's it...?"

"Actually, sir, I wanted to ask you about that, uh, thing that we gave you back in the Hokage's office?" Hazou asked. "You know, the 'invention of the year' thing."

"What about it?"

"We put a lot of time and effort into that, sir," Hazou said. "You took the idea...is that going to happen every time we come up with something new? What are you going to give us to incentivize further creativity?"

Inoue-sensei's eyes went wide as saucers and Kagome started frantically scrabbling in his pockets for a pair of ringboxes that weren't there. Noburi and Keiko turned in their seats to stare at Hazou in horror.

"Excuse him," Inoue said, grabbing Hazou in a headlock, one hand over his mouth. She pushed herself to her feet, effortlessly dragging Hazou along with her. "He's been having a bad case of no-brain lately. We'll just be go—"

Everyone froze as Jiraiya started laughing. "Relax," he said, waving them back into their seats. "Kid, you seriously need to work on your manners. Say something like that to any clan head in this village and see how well it goes for you. To answer the question: Ideas are worthless. Execution is what matters. We don't pay people for ideas, but we do buy professional-quality designs with working prototypes, so if you get us something usable it could be worth a pretty penny. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's late and I still have a lot to do before I can hit the hay. The very nice ANBU lady outside will take you to your quarters and won't kill you as long as you're polite. Ocelot?"

The door slid open to reveal a tall, slender woman in ninja camo and a mask painted to suggest a stylized cat. She turned to leave the doorway clear, one arm extended in pointed invitation.

o-o-o-o​

Their quarters were surprisingly comfortable—a suite with a spacious sitting room, a modest bathing room, a galley kitchen, and two bedrooms. The beds were even comfortable, and there were plenty of blankets.

Perhaps more importantly, the bathing room contained four large tubs of steaming hot water. Inoue-sensei almost squealed in delight when she saw them. "Firsties!" she called, rushing in and pulling the curtain around the women's-side tubs. Clothes flew everywhere and moments later there was the muffled sussurance of a tired body sinking into hot water.

Hazou chuckled in amusement, but forbore to use the tubs on the men's side. By now he'd been up for a ridiculous number of hours, fought a pitched battle against a bioseal expert, seen his student nearly die, run halfway across Fire, had interviews with the Hokage and Jiraiya, and only just now come to accept that he and his friends probably weren't going to die before morning. Falling asleep in the tub and drowning would be a ridiculous end to the night; better to just go to sleep. It wouldn't be the first time he'd gone to sleep dirty, and it probably wouldn't be the last.

o-o-o-o​

The beds were soft and morning came all too quickly. Knocking on the door presaged a genin leading four pairs of civilians. The genin stood by the door looking bored while the civilians came in, each pair maneuvering a cart loaded with a tub of hot water. The servants bowed profusely, apologized repeatedly for disturbing the great ninja, and quickly swapped out the new tubs of hot, clean water with the tubs from the previous day before disappearing back from whence they'd come.

The implication was pretty clear: it was time to get moving.

Konoha was polite enough to leave them alone until they had all had a chance for military-speed baths, gotten dressed, and scarfed down a bit of the bread and cheese that had been laid out for them. In a subtle reminder of where they were, the knock on the door came at the very instant that Noburi had finished stuffing the last of the cheese into his mouth. Moments later another silent ANBU—this one a huge man with a bull-styled mask—was escorting them back to Jiraiya's office.

The Toad Sage was busy with paperwork and didn't look up as they came in. He grunted thanks to the ANBU and waved the team into chairs, then ignored them as he kept shuffling through reports. The team sat silently until the door opened again and in filed the ninja who would presumably be the team's minders.

Hazou eyed the new arrivals carefully. Standard genin squad: two boys and a girl, their jounin instructor behind them. The jounin was tall, solidly built, with a thatch of carefully-styled black hair and a neatly trimmed beard on his jawline. A thin cigarette dangled from the corner of his mouth and a pair of fighting knives were strapped to the insides of his forearms. The most notable thing about him was how such a tall and powerful man could seem so...invisible. There was an inner calm to him that gave nothing for the eye to catch on.

The genin were far more noticeable. The girl was blonde-haired, blue-eyed, and starting to develop in ways that made Hazou a little uncomfortable in his skin. The boy on the left was fatter than any genin Hazou had ever seen, with two horn-like tufts of hair and an amiable smile. The boy on the right was thin but athletic and must have spent a great deal of effort practicing in order to master an expression that loudly proclaimed him both Bored and Smug.

"Team Asuma reporting, sir," the jounin said, looking at Jiraiya. "These the ones we're escorting?"

"Yes," Jiraiya said. He leaned forward, hands folded on the desk. "Allow me to introduce you. Ladies and gentlemen, these will be your escorts while you're here in Konoha. Miss Yamanaka and Misters Nara and Akimichi will be your primary contacts. Their jounin-sensei is Sarutobi Asuma, son of the Third Hokage"—he pointedly ignored Asuma's irritated sigh—"who will also be available should you have any questions.

"Asuma, the leader of our little band of misfits is Inoue Mari. She is a taijutsu champion and a brilliant spy. She is also known as Mari the Heartbreaker; she gets that name not from her heartbreaking beauty or highly-developed and quite exhausting seduction skills, but from the fact that she is one of the best genjutsu mistresses I have ever met. She has apparently literally killed people with her genjutsu."

Asuma raised one eyebrow and flicked his cigarette to the other side of his mouth. "Hm."

"Sir, I didn't think that was possible," the Yamanaka girl said, studying Inoue-sensei carefully while taking care not to make eye contact.

"It's not," Inoue-sensei said, smiling. "Not just with genjutsu itself, anyway. Still, if someone has a weak heart and you frighten them enough...."

"Troublesome," Nara muttered, only to be shushed by the Yamanaka girl.

"Beside her is Mister Kagome of the unknown given name," Jiraiya said, sounding amused. "He is an expert sealmaster—"

"No I'm not!" Kagome said. "I don't know anything about seals! What's a seal, anyway? Never heard of them!"

"—an expert sealmaster," Jiraiya continued, "with a penchant for explosions. He should definitely not be underestimated, but he should also be treated with the respect due his skill. Miss Yamanaka, as a professional courtesy from one sealmaster to another I am ordering you to stay out of Kagome's head unless he gives you strong reason for suspicion. Should you need to go in, you will do nothing that could endanger his mind."

"Yes, sir."

"You better not, you stinker!" Kagome said, his eyes wide. "You stay out of my mind! And my friends' minds! I'm not going to let you—"

Inoue-sensei put a hand on his arm and he cut off. "It's okay," she said, smiling at him. "I promise, it'll be fine. We're valuable to them, they're not going to do anything unless we give them cause."

"Why not? Stinkers could just rip our brains apart and put them back together sideways," Kagome said, honestly puzzled and clearly not thinking about the fact that the stinkers in question were right there. "Why they haven't put lupchanzen in our ears already I'm not sure, but the minute that Yamanaka has us alone, she'll—"

"She will do nothing as long as you don't blow your cover or try to harm Konoha," Jiraiya said loudly. "Moving on! Next in line we have Wakahisa Noburi."

"No barrel," Nara grunted.

Jiraiya nodded a compliment to the boy. "Indeed. Which is actually a thing I had meant to bring up. Wakahisa, you'll need a barrel in order to be fully functional. The one that was brought in was damaged—do you want it back so you can repair it, or do you need to build a new one?"

"Uh," Noburi said, flummoxed. "I could repair it."

"Fine," Jiraiya said. "Asuma, that's your first stop after you leave here. Go pick up his barrel from Secure Storage, and also get him whatever supplies he needs to repair it. You can draw against the Materials and Equipment account for that."

"Yes, sir."

"Mister Wakahisa uses a mid-range Water Whip as his primary combat tactic. As with other members of his clan he can suck the chakra right out of you as long as you're standing in the same water he's standing in, so I suggest not sharing a hot tub with him unless he likes you. Also, note that his head is full of clan secrets and scanning him would be an act of espionage unless he was clearly acting against the interests of Konoha. I leave it up to you to define what might constitute Konoha's interests in this case.

"Beside Mister Wakahisa is his teammate, Mori Keiko. At the tender age of thirteen she is already a special jounin focused in long-range weapons use. Oh, and she's the Pangolin Summoner."

Asuma's cigarette fell out of his mouth; he caught it before it had dropped more than a few inches and stuck it back between his lips.

"Very troublesome," Shikamaru muttered.

"Please note that the Pangolins and the Toads are allies," Jiraiya said seriously. "She is here under my protection; any unprovoked attack on her will cause me political difficulty, so be polite."

Yamanaka preemptively elbowed Nara before he could say anything.

"Finally, Miss Mori's bloodline may represent a cognitive hazard," Jiraiya said. "If she gives you cause for a mind scan, call for help. The entire group will be taken to a secure cell and a Yamanaka elder will perform the probe. Clear?"

"Clear, sir," Yamanaka said, her eyes wide.

"Troublesome," Nara muttered. His teammate was too busy staring at what she clearly thought might be an eldritch horror to bother hushing him.

"And, last but not least, Kurosawa Hazou," Jiraiya said. "Like his young friends he's got a head full of clan secrets, so be discreet. When it comes to a fight young master Kurosawa is an expert at taijutsu, as well as having been taught the Earth Clone and the Multiple Earth Wall by a handsome and incredibly talented ninja master. Oh, and he's also a burgeoning sealmaster in his own right."

"No he's not!" Kagome yelped. "He doesn't know a thing about sealing! I wouldn't have taught him sealing, that would be crazy! He's dumb as a box of rocks, so teaching him anything about making seals would be crazy, and he definitely hasn't made any or done any research or anything! He's so stupid that he can hardly write his own name, let alone create brand new seals, so there's absolutely no reason you should chain him to a desk in your seal factory!"

Hazou facepalmed.

"Kagome, I assure you that none of you will be chained to a desk," Jiraiya said, using the tone that one uses to tell a child that it was just a nightmare and they should go back to bed. "I promise. No lupchanzen, no seal factories, no mind alteration. You're more valuable to us as willing allies than as prisoners. So long as you and your friends are honest with us and don't work against our interests we will treat you with respect. Even if you do decide to go against us, I promise that the worst we'll do is kill you."

Oddly, Kagome seemed to find that comforting. No one else did.

Team Asuma and Team Uplift sat, looking at each other in silence. Seconds ticked past until Jiraiya waved his hands at them like a farm wife shooing chickens.

"Well?" he demanded. "What are you waiting for, an engraved invitation? Go on, git! I've got work to do!"

"Troublesome," Nara muttered, turning for the door. Hazou couldn't help but agree, although he kept the thought to himself as he followed his...guide? escort? captor?...into the hall.




XP AWARD: 2

As expected, I didn't make it far through this plan. @Velorien will carry the torch from here.
 
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[ex-canon] Chapter 85: Unsuited to the Task
QM Note: This update was originally canon. 2 hours and 45 minutes before voting closed, a group of regulars decided it would be funny to vote for "Action Plan: buy a YOUTHSUIT" as a replacement for the then-leading plan. Thanks to a combination of low voter turnout for the original plan and the narrow time window for other players to realise what was about to happen, the new plan won. @eaglejarl and I decided that, as the plan could only be the result of a brief burst of insanity (the RADIOACTIVE GREEN, BOLD BLOCK CAPITALS were a clue), so Hazō could only act on it as the result of a brief burst of insanity. Thus, the update you are about to read. All hell broke loose in the thread after it was posted, but amidst the ragequitters and people who simply focused on expressing their anger and hurt, there were also a few who made calm, constructive and well-reasoned arguments for why the update should be retconned. It is they who finally managed to convince us that the case for doing so was (very slightly) stronger than the case for keeping it. This update is now an omake, but it was a very, very close run thing. We hope that this cautionary tale will inspire you, in this quest or any other, to vote early, often and sensibly so that this kind of clusterfuck misunderstanding can never happen again.
-o-

"Youthsuit" Incident Report
Nara Shikamaru

At 10:30 am, after the conclusion of the initial introductions, at my request escortee Kurosawa provided us with the group's plan of action for the day (which, at this stage, was both detailed and well-reasoned in my judgement). Sarutobi Asuma cleared the plan and we departed.

The first part of the plan involved a visit to the Leaf Central Shopping District, where the escortees intended to procure basic items such as paper, high-quality wood (for escortee Wakahisa's personal use) and an array of fresh foodstuffs selected by random die roll from shops likewise selected by random die roll, and in no case brought into Leaf later than this morning (for escortee Kagome's personal use). No restricted items, or items considered to have direct or indirect combat applications, were sought or purchased.

(Note: I am hereby renewing my appeal to expand the official list of items considered to have indirect combat applications. I also request to be exempted from filling out forms 133, 207 and 443 for this purpose.)

However, at 11:30 am, while passing by a shop selling ninja training equipment, Kurosawa suddenly demanded to purchase a "youthsuit", which on further questioning was indicated to be a green spandex training suit as worn by Maito Gai and Rock Lee. This was not part of the original (cleared) shopping plan; additionally, such training suits are Class 4 items, with instances of purchase to be recorded and communicated to the Hokage's Office.

When I requested a reason for this unexpected desire, Kurosawa made incoherent statements about "having to carry the torch of Youth until she is ready to pick it up again" and "bonding with the people of Leaf through sparring with the Righteous Face Punching Style". He then went on to state his intent to purchase identical suits for the rest of his group.

Kurosawa's behaviour up until that point, including the fact that he had taken the initiative in providing the plan for the day's activities, and the respectable structure and content of that plan, suggested a calm, rational thinker whose decision-making abilities were trusted by his group. There were therefore two possible conclusions to be drawn.

1) Kurosawa was attempting to apply misdirection, signal a third party or achieve some other effect that violated the terms under which he was being escorted, with such high priority that he was prepared to be unsubtle in his acting. I considered this the more likely explanation.

2) Kurosawa was suffering from a sudden psychotic break. While less likely, this was nevertheless plausible given that being a non-Leaf ninja forced to disguise his identity at the heart of Leaf, while possessing limited freedom and being escorted by a powerful team with authorisation to read his mind or eliminate him if necessary, would have to be highly stressful. This would also be true for whatever lifestyle (which I am not cleared to know about) originally placed him in this position, especially factoring in his age.

Either of these would be a sufficient condition to authorise use of the Psycho Mind Transmission Technique to establish the subject's intentions, plans and psychological state.

However, before I could confer said authorisation as interim squad leader, we were subjected to a number of reactions from the rest of the escortees (these followed the "rest of my team" statement, though they may have been in progress from the beginning of the incident).

Escortee Kagome, who was already highly agitated, attempted to assault our team, shouting various invectives regarding "mind control worms", "loupchansen" (sp?) and "backstabbing Yamanaka stinkers". He also made a statement to the effect that if he were in possession of his seals, the entire village of Leaf would be a smoking crater right now "for daring to mess with my apprentice". Fortunately, escortee Inoue intervened and was able to restrain him from violent action, though not from his stream of loud verbal abuse.

At the same time, escortee Mori raised her hand to her forehead in a gesture of extreme weariness while politely inquiring of Yamanaka whether Leaf had yet developed a cure for the Spirit of Youth. Yamanaka, noting Mori's apparent lack of surprise at her teammates' irrational behaviour, grew suspicious, and began to speculate on the reliability of the "cognitive hazard" label, whereupon I was forced to urgently take her aside and explain that [
redacted on the authority of Nara Shikaku in accordance with the Founding Accords of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, Section 3: "On the Protection of Clan Secrets"].

Kurosawa continued attempting to persuade us all to settle the disagreement through "Youthful clear communication", and insisting that all he wanted was for his entire team to "join the Brotherhood of Green Spandex, just until she's feeling better". Mori, after several attempts to force him to "save his childish delusions for a context in which they will not result in our inevitable doom", evidently abandoned the possibility of imposing order on her team, and found a nearby bench to sit on while she quietly retreated into herself. Although helpful in theory, in practice this meant that we had to further split our attention in order to make sure she did not leave stealthily while we were otherwise occupied.

While Yamanaka and I were attempting to manage the situation, Akimichi focused on dissolving the gathering crowd (the incident, unfortunately, having taken place at the heart of the shopping district). Regrettably, Akimichi has the least proficiency in deception in our team, and struggled to create a plausible cover story. Though he was struck by inspiration and initially managed to dismiss Kurosawa's proclamations about the Power of Youth as merely a disguised Rock Lee practising his usual behaviour, this fell apart when Kagome began threatening mass slaughter and strategic-scale destruction at the top of his lungs.

Inoue finally used taijutsu to render Kagome unconscious (and thus immune to the Psycho Mind Transmission Technique, for which he had now more than fulfilled the conditions). She approached us and attempted to engage us in conversation, likely attempting to reframe the situation in a way favourable to her team (or further the misdirection). Having judged that we were in a potential crisis situation, my team immediately followed standard Leaf protocol for use against a "master spy" with "highly-developed seduction skills"—knowing that her capability for deception would likely exceed our ability to recognise same, we proceeded to reject all of her attempts at social interaction to the best of our ability. Either unaware of the protocol or believing she could find a way to bypass it, Inoue attempted a variety of conversational gambits, ranging from calm reasoning to attempting to undermine our composure through sex appeal. I took advantage of my natural emotional stability to ignore all of them while limiting her access to the more vulnerable Yamanaka and Akimichi.

As Inoue retreated, presumably to plan a new approach, escortee Wakahisa approached us instead, his manner open and non-threatening. He told us that Kurosawa was merely suffering from extreme anxiety over the condition of his critically-injured teammate. As her master in the ways of Youthfulness, Kurosawa was overcompensating for her absence, and his guilt for allowing her to come to harm, by taking on her role within the group in addition to his own.

Initially, this explanation seemed surprisingly plausible. However, Yamanaka observed how improbable it was for a foreign ninja to be a "master in the ways of Youthfulness" to the extent of surpassing a Leaf ninja who had suffered from direct exposure to Rock Lee. It also occurred to me that said ninja, Ishihara Akane, was currently in no condition to be questioned, making Wakahisa's story impossible to corroborate.

Finally, the behaviour of the escortees as a group did little to dispel my suspicions, supporting as it did both the misdirection theory and the psychotic break theory. On the one hand, their erratic behaviour could plausibly have been intended to increase the confusion of the situation, thereby setting up for some form of deceit. While the objection could be raised that Kagome appears to be pathologically incapable of successful deception, it is also true that Kurosawa's actions could have been calculated to exploit Kagome's predictable reactions (especially in light of Kurosawa's planning ability).

Conversely, the probability of Kurosawa suffering from a psychotic break increased greatly if his teammates consistently behaved like this, particularly given Wakahisa's testimony and the high degree of respect shown by Kurosawa to Kagome (including addressing him as "sensei"), who as such had to be a major influence on his personality.

I therefore authorised the immediate use of the Psycho Mind Transmission Technique by Yamanaka Ino on Kurosawa Hazō, and informed the rest of the escortees that attempting to interfere with same would be considered an unambiguously hostile act.

Please see Yamanaka's report (attached) for further details, followed by a summary of the current situation and my conclusions and recommendations.

-o-

Psycho Mind Transmission Technique Report (Kurosawa Hazō)
Yamanaka Ino

There were no problems with the initial dive. Kurosawa did not resist, which was a good decision since he had no mental defence training and I would have crushed his fragile little mind like an egg demonstrated the unquestionable superiority of the Yamanaka arts. However, please note that the Psycho Mind Transmission Technique was used only for a limited period of time—we were forced to commandeer a nearby shop for privacy, and could not stay long. Additionally, I am not an advanced practitioner, so the amount of information I was able to gather was limited and there may be minor inaccuracies.

Based on what I saw, I do not believe he was suffering from a psychotic break or any other kind of spontaneous mental failure. The "youthsuit" decision
was sudden and arguably out of character, but it was also linked to longer-term thoughts about "the Power of Youth" and his admiration for Ishihara Akane, with whom he associates the concept. Given the strength of his affection for Ishihara, and therefore the intensity of his present concern for her, I believe it was plausible for him to act strangely as a result of her life being placed at risk.

However, I should note that I found what the Yamanaka term an "aberrant personality manifold". While a normal person has a few different voices for their inner monologue, representing major aspects of their identity, aberrant personality manifolds contain dozens or hundreds of voices, some with convergent personalities and some which are more extreme. Little is known about this phenomenon, as known subjects can be counted on the fingers of one hand. For further information on aberrant personality manifolds, please contact one of the Yamanaka Clan elders.

My scan also did not reveal any hostile intent towards Leaf or its people (although he does have both positive and negative feelings towards Jiraiya of the Three). Kurosawa appears to have some kind of delusional beliefs about building a better world in which civilians are "uplifted" to be equal to ninja, and he wishes to ally with Leaf in general and Jiraiya in particular for this purpose.

In terms of his general focus, apart from the "uplift" beliefs (which are extremely developed, suggesting strong escapist tendencies), he is preoccupied with his team, and managing its relationships. Despite being aware of his limited social skills, he believes that through correct planning he should be able to create the healthy team dynamic he wants, both socially and practically.

He views Inoue as a mentor figure, and on various levels both an older sister and a surrogate mother (he does also dwell on the well-being of his actual mother a lot). He is worried about Inoue's cynicism and self-sacrificing tendencies, but hopes to help her through emotional support.

He is strongly concerned about Mori, whom he believes to have depressive and potentially suicidal tendencies. The situation has been becoming even worse since she confessed her love for her own master, Inoue. She tried to run away to the Summon Realm before she could be rejected, but was forced to come back and face her beloved before she was ready. Kurosawa does not know what happened, but based on what he has seen, Mori's dreams did not come true, and now she is suffering from silent heartbreak. Kurosawa is worried about this, and that her natural quietness and loner tendencies may mask a smoking explosive seal, but he has been told in no uncertain terms to keep his nose out of Inoue and Mori's relationship, and is uncertain what to do.

He has a strange relationship with Kagome, whom he is loyal to while acknowledging the fact that his master is
a few petals short of a belladonna has severe psychological issues. He has great respect for Kagome's skills as a sealmaster, and does his best to humour his paranoia while supporting Inoue's efforts to help him learn to trust people again. He is concerned that Kagome will eventually snap and blow up himself/the team/everything in a one-mile radius, and believes there is a high probability that said everything will include Leaf if Kagome is allowed access to seals, since being here is making his paranoia skyrocket.

His friendship/rivalry with Wakahisa is as normal as this group gets. They compete with each other the way boys tend to, but in the end have a great deal of mutual respect. He knows that Wakahisa has a completely unreciprocated crush on Mori, but wouldn't know where to begin in helping Wakahisa deal with this (or with the deep pain Mori thoughtlessly inflicted on him while dismissing his importance to her during her confession).

Kurosawa's relationship with Ishihara is a love story for the ages, though Shikamaru claims I am biased, and so I should note that his feelings are ambiguous enough that they
could merely be the greatest BFFs ever. Kurosawa mentally refers to her as "the world's best apprentice", and has somehow found himself in the position of being her "master" in "the ways of Youth". I did not seek to investigate this angle too deeply, as I have been warned I have not yet developed the mental shielding necessary to deal with Rock Lee and his kind. Kurosawa admires Ishihara's positive spirit and clear-headedness enormously. Ishihara has an ongoing personality clash with Mori, but Kurosawa has observed fewer signs of it lately. Right now, Kurosawa is terrified that Ishihara is going to die, or be horribly crippled, and I am very impressed at how well he is functioning given that the thought seems to be consuming his every waking moment.

At present, Kurosawa is attempting to decide which of Wakahisa and Mori should be the diplomatic "face" of the team, even though it is a clear-cut decision since Wakahisa is already doing it and has the necessary charisma and good looks, while Mori
wouldn't know social skills if she had their summoning scroll has a poor track record with anything other than intimidation.

In regard to present circumstances, I wish to emphasise strongly that Kurosawa was not originally intending this
clusterfuck misunderstanding to take place, and in fact was hoping to establish positive relations with our team and with Leaf in general.

The tactical portion of my report is more concerning.

Kurosawa Hazō has the Iron Nerve Bloodline Limit, which allows him to perfectly mimic every motion he has previously made, including drawing seals. He can also copy unknown seals if he studies them long enough. In addition, he believes that there is a possibility of his children developing the Sharingan.

He is an apprentice sealmaster who has already invented his own seals, the Misterator and the Poor Man's Yellow Flash. The first one is some kind of deliberately broken storage seal designed to work with Wakahisa's Bloodline Limit, and the second one relates to rapid movement (which I suppose makes sense given the name). He is also skilled at taijutsu, and has his own style based around feints.

Kurosawa has an incredible library of seal ideas in his head. As someone with no sealing training, I am unable to interpret it properly, though their sheer number and variety suggest that he is
throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks generating as many as possible in order to filter out the valuable ones later. While I am unable to judge their practicality, they include many varieties of storage seals, explosion seals, detecting seals, mind-affecting seals and seals that affect other seals (see Appendix A for the limited selection I was able to memorise; for seals that he knows Kagome knows, see Appendix B). Kurosawa also has an insane plan to make a flying fortress using sealcrafting, which he calls "Hidden Heaven".

This concludes my report. I do not believe that further use of the Psycho Mind Transmission Technique on Kurosawa Hazō would be useful unless performed by someone with sealcrafting expertise (on the assumption that his seal ideas are of value). Given his positive intentions and general talent, I strongly recommend continuing to do whatever it is we are presently doing with him despite this incident.

-o-
Subsequent to Yamanaka's use of the Psycho Mind Transmission Technique, no further conflict took place. We urgently moved the escortees out of the area, leaving Sarutobi (who had arrived by this point) to take charge of clean-up. We then proceeded to hand them over to ANBU until such time as a senior official could decide how to process them.

My recommendation, given Yamanaka's report above, is to assign Kurosawa to a black facility for sealcrafting research (though naturally Leaf has no such sites, at least according to my security clearance) and retain the rest of the team in their current position (which I am also not cleared to know). Leaf's control of both Kurosawa and Ishihara should secure their loyalty based on their strong group bonds.

-o-
You have earned 0 XP.
-o-
It is the evening of April 2. You are in your lodgings in a Leaf building, and it has been made clear that you are not going anywhere for the time being. Jiraiya will be questioning you tomorrow. You may converse freely, but you are almost certainly being monitored.

The rest of the team is
not happy with Hazō.

What do you do?

-o-
Voting closes at 9 am on Saturday 26th of November, Pacific Standard Time.
 
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Chapter 85: On Not Making Bad Choices
Chapter 85: On Not Making Bad Choices
by @Velorien

Hazō jerked awake with a scream of primal terror.

A fraction of a second later, Kagome leapt out of bed, kunai in hand. "I knew it! Those stinking stinkers couldn't even wait one night! You won't take me alive, you backstabbing—"

"Kagome," Noburi groaned, reluctantly stirring from his slumber. "It's not a Leaf assassination squad this time either. Hazō just had a nightmare… right?"

Hazō nodded shakily. "A report… there was a report…"

Noburi slumped back down in resignation. "A report. It would be, with you. Were there lists too?"

Hazō gazed at him with the hollow eyes of a man who had seen hell itself. "There were appendices."
-o-
"Inoue-sensei," Hazō staggered into the kitchen the next morning, "I think I need urgent training."

Inoue-sensei looked up from her breakfast bowl of fresh fruit (for all Leaf's faults, lack of hospitality was not one of them).

"You're finally in need of my expertise as a seduction expert? That's great, but I think it should wait until we don't have Leaf watching our every move, don't you?"

Hazō didn't dignify this with a response. "I'm serious, Inoue-sensei. What happens if I can't keep it together in a crisis? You need to teach me how to act like a normal, sane person even if something's wrong with me on the inside, and you need to do it now."

Inoue-sensei's smirk vanished. "It's like that, is it?"

"I think it might be," Hazō whispered.

"Well," Inoue-sensei said slowly, "I'm glad we decided to postpone our shopping trip."
-o-
"I'm sorry about last night, Noburi," Hazō said awkwardly.

Noburi rolled his eyes. "Seriously, though, Hazō? You're having nightmares about reports?"

Hazō's eyebrow twitched. "It really isn't funny. Did you ever finish a term at the Academy, and realise that they were about to send your family a report card that made you sound lazy and incompetent, and that it had already been written and was on its way and there was nothing you could do about it?"

"I, uh… so what's up with all the pink wallpaper in here? I mean, do these guys have weird taste or what?" Noburi began to study the ceiling, his hands clasped behind his back.

Hazō blinked. "Never mind. Noburi, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

"What's that?"

"I know that you're going to ask for permission to visit the Leaf General Hospital and study medicine with them during our stay here. And it seems like you're developing a great specialisation there that none of the rest of us can match, and you're getting good with Water ninjutsu as well."

Noburi gave a small, casual nod, as if acknowledging the praise that was his due, but after a few seconds' struggle to keep a straight face, he finally gave in and grinned. "You know it. Wakahisa Noburi, badass jōnin extraordinaire, coming right up. Heal 'em with one hand, kill 'em with the other."

"Right," Hazō said. "So given that's the way you're choosing to specialise, I was thinking you might not have as much time for learning diplomacy from Inoue-sensei anymore. And Keiko's reaching a plateau in her combat training, and her summoning ability is something she develops in bursts… so what do you think about having her take over as our social representative on a day-to-day basis?"

Noburi's expression turned cold. "Brilliant!" he said bitingly. "Kurosawa Hazō, master planner and coordinator, strikes again! You're right, why should the people in her team be the only ones she hurts whenever she opens her mouth? It'll be exciting to see who else she can push away. With her as our diplomat, she'll get all the combat experience she needs, and I'll always have someone to practise med-nin techniques on. Capital, Hazō! Idea of the year!"

Hazō stood still, frozen in shock.

"OK, maybe that was going a bit too far," Noburi said eventually. "But Hazō, this is a damn stupid plan. Keiko doesn't get people, and she never will, and at best, maybe Inoue-sensei can teach her to pretend she does. And that's assuming Keiko's OK being taught by Inoue-sensei after what happened between them. Did you see Keiko's face when she realised they were going to be alone together in the women's bedroom last night? I almost thought she was going to run away again."

"You really think things are that bad?" Hazō asked.

"You've got to learn to pay more attention to people, Hazō," Noburi said with an exasperated sigh. "I mean, you're not as bad as she is—thank the Sage and all his disciples for that—but I swear sometimes it seems like you flat-out forget someone exists until they're part of your latest master plan.

"Why don't you go talk to her yourself? I bet you a square of Kagome's smuggled chocolate that she's going to say the same thing."
-o-
"Keiko, can I talk to you about something?"

"Please go ahead."

"Noburi is becoming increasingly busy with his training in medical and combat ninjutsu, and I was thinking… if that's the direction he is interested in pursuing, would you be interested in taking over as the public face of the group?"

Keiko studied him for a long moment. Then, almost gently, she said, "Hazō, I believe the stress of the last few days is having a significant influence on you. I suggest you sleep some more until you are feeling fully refreshed, or if you are unable to sleep, spend time on breathing exercises and meditation until you are feeling better."

Hazō did his best not to scowl. "I was being serious, Keiko."

"So was I," she said more coolly. "Your suggestion is irrational to the point where I would not expect you to make it in a healthy frame of mind. Hazō, I find social interaction stressful and draining. You know this. You also know that my inability to satisfactorily model other people's inner states, and how my actions may change those states, is one of my greatest and most intractable weaknesses. Finally, you know that Noburi finds his social activity enjoyable and fulfilling, and would suffer if forced to surrender it on a long-term basis. It would be out of character for you to make a joke like this, or to attempt it as an exercise in cruelty, so I can only assume that your mental functions have been critically disrupted, and you are in urgent need of care which I cannot provide. If you do not feel the course of action I suggested earlier is sufficient, I advise you to seek help from Inoue-sensei, who can be trusted to handle the psychologically fragile with skill and sensitivity."

Hazō decided not to mention that he'd in effect already done this.

"Changing the subject," he said quickly, "I've been thinking about what we should ask Jiraiya for as our rewards. I know we haven't discussed it as a group yet, but I was wondering what you'd think about training to imbue your weapons with Wind chakra?"

"I was unaware of that option," Keiko said. "Is it available, and what are the implications?"

"You know how our minders are the famous Ino-Shika-Chō? Well, Inoue-sensei told us the legends—in every generation, a tactical genius who wields shadows, a master psychic, and a taijutsu expert with unparalleled body control. But we know nothing about the Sarutobi Clan's specialities, since the Hokage is said to be a well-rounded master of every kind of skill. So yesterday, after the meeting, Noburi tried to find out Sarutobi Asuma's particular specialisation through small talk. He says Sarutobi talked about his ability to enhance weapons—in his case, chakra blades—with his Wind chakra for additional speed and damage."

"A jōnin gave away tactical information about his capabilities?" Keiko said suspiciously.

"He said it was common knowledge, and Noburi thinks it was intended as a reminder not to cross his team, given how he described what happened when those blades went through a human body. Anyway, since you have Wind affinity as well, I thought perhaps we could ask Jiraiya to ask Sarutobi to train you. And maybe we could get you some chakra blades as well."

Keiko shook her head. "Hazō, given your background, your ignorance is understandable, but chakra blades are not commonly available. The materials and craftsmanship are extremely rare, and chakra blades are considered clan treasures, to be passed down from master to apprentice, or perhaps bestowed as a reward for an act of great service to the clan. Most chakra blades not in the possession of a noble clan are ones which were at some point looted from the body of a previous wielder. Few new ones are ever made, and if Jiraiya is resourceful enough to have them crafted for me, such a gift would put me in his debt for years to come.

"With that said, I trust your grasp of strategy, and if you believe that an expansion of my ranged combat capabilities would benefit the team more than anything else Jiraiya could conceivably offer, I will give the matter serious consideration. Though I will admit that today's conversation has given me cause to question your judgement in times of stress somewhat."

A thought seemed to occur to her. "Is your current dysfunction caused by concern over Akane's welfare? I realise that there is nothing I can say that will change the present situation, and I doubt I could find the right words to aid you in coping with it… but if you merely require a willing listener to express your feelings to, please do not hesitate to make use of me."

Maybe Hazō would. What happened in that dream—the fact that something had made him have that dream—was a hint that he might not be as stable as he thought he was. He needed to make a list of every possible coping mechanism, and analyse them until he came up with the right strategy for dealing with this crisis. There was a very real chance he could lose Akane, and if that happened… would he be able to remain himself?
-o-
You have spent a bunch of XP.
-o-
The training plans that won during the Vote of Tragedy have now been implemented as follows:
  • Training Hazou: Advanced Flowcharts has been implemented in full.​
  • Training Keiko: Inheritor of Talky has been rejected by NPC agency.​
  • Training Noburi: Field Medic Extraordinaire cannot be implemented at present since it relies on you a) successfully negotiating access to Leaf General Hospital in-character and b) not subsequently doing something to get yourself barred again and/or kicked out of Leaf in the immediate future. If these conditions are successfully fulfilled, the plan will be implemented, subject to the "re-vote based on new information" option.​
  • Jutsu Hazou: Whack-a-Mole Madness and Keiko Reward: Chakra blades and/or training to empower weapons with wind nature chakra are currently locked in as your requests to Jiraiya, subject to any changes that may occur between now and when you next speak to him.​

-o-
The next update will be based on Action Plan: Whose Leaf Does Not Wither.​
 
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Chapter 86: The Appeal of Death

Things were tense after Hazou's conversations with Noburi and Keiko. Fortunately they were left alone until mid-afternoon, except for a short visit from the team of servants who brought in lunch. The meal was a quiet affair; the genin occupied themselves with their food as an excuse to not talk. Kagome's stress had gotten to the point where his only comprehensible speech was monosyllabic grunts in reply to direct questions, with a constant string of grumbling just below the threshold of hearing. He ate lunch with his left hand, the right being occupied with a kunai that he clutched like a child clutching a safety blanket.

Given the mood of the room it was an incredible relief when the knock on the door finally came.

"Good morning," Hazou said, bowing shallowly and gesturing the Leaf team in. "We're just finishing up. Would you like some tea? Or maybe some gyoza?"

Akimichi's eyes lit up. "Gyoza? I wouldn't mind."

"Help yourself," Inoue-sensei said, gesturing to the food. Whatever Konoha's intentions might be for the team, they definitely didn't include starvation; everyone had stuffed themselves and the table was still half-full. Akimichi fell on the leftovers with focused intent, chopsticks flashing as he scarfed them down. The team watched in amusement for a moment.

"Gotta tell you," Noburi said to Asuma, "it's really nice to be able to visit Leaf in a friendly way. We hear a lot about you guys."

"You better be friendly!" Kagome said, jumping to his feet with kunai in both hands. He was twitching slightly, his eyes flicking around like an animal in a trap, and his knuckles were white where he gripped his weapons. "I hear a lot about you too, and I won't let you do that to my team! If you try it, I'll—"

With the first words, Nara and Yamanaka had shifted into a combat stance and Akimichi had paused in his eating to look up at Kagome. Sarutobi didn't blink, simply continuing to smoke his cigarette peacefully.

"Sensei, it's all right," Hazou said, reaching slowly for Kagome's arm. Physical contact reassured the man...and also made it easier to physically restrain him if it became necessary.

"Jiraiya assigned us to protect you," Sarutobi said calmly, taking a long drag on his cigarette and keeping his hands carefully visible. "Yes, we're also to protect Leaf from you, but our primary job is to keep you and your identities safe."

"A likely story!" Kagome said, shaking Hazou's hand off without seeming to notice it and backing away.

Inoue-sensei rose, moving slowly and carefully, and stepped between Kagome and the Leaf team. "It's okay, Kagome," she said, her voice and gentle. "Look at me."

Reluctantly, Kagome dragged his eyes away from what he clearly thought of as the enemy and looked at the tiny redhead. Hazou noticed that he was careful not to meet her eyes.

"Kagome, I need you to breathe for me, okay?" Inoue-sensei said. "They aren't going to hurt us, and starting a fight would be a bad thing to do. We want to get along with them, and they want to get along with us. We're here under Jiraiya's protection, remember? He doesn't want to get in trouble with the Toads for fighting the Pangolin summoner or her team."

It took a few seconds, but eventually Kagome's muscles relaxed and the whites of his eyes were no longer visible. "Fine," he grumbled. "Stinkers."

"Please excuse him," Hazou said to Team Asuma. "He's really jumpy without his explosives." He studied them for a moment, then decided to take a chance. "It might actually be safer to let him have a few tags. I think it would calm him down."

Yamanaka snorted and Nara muttered "Troublesome." Akimichi went back to scarfing down gyoza.

Sarutobi shrugged. "I'll talk to Jiraiya about it, but I wouldn't hold your breath."

"So, what's on the agenda for today?" Inoue-sensei said brightly.

"We thought we'd start with a tour of the city," Sarutobi said.

"And some shopping!" Yamanaka said, her eyes shining with fever-brightness. "I'm sure you need things after being out in the woods for so long, and I know the best places."

"Troublesome," Nara muttered.

Sarutobi snorted. "You're just excited about the idea of shopping on an expense account," he teased.

"Expense account?" Keiko asked.

"Jiraiya authorized a budget from the Materials and Equipment fund," Sarutobi reminded them. "And ordered us to pick up Wakahisa's barrel and materials for repairing same as our first stop."

"Right!" Noburi said, jumping to his feet. "It'll be great to have it back."

Inoue-sensei checked in with the team by eye and saw that everyone was ready and Kagome wasn't about to start murderizing things.

"Just to check, our cover is that we're visiting dignitaries, right?" Hazou asked. "What are the rules? What are we allowed to do or not do?"

"Don't kill anyone," Sarutobi told us. "And maintain cover. Inoue, you're the leader of a minor village here to open trade arrangements with Konoha. These are some of your ninja, here as your bodyguards."

"Easy peasy," Yamanaka said with a laugh. "Just look noble and arrogant."

Inoue-sensei nodded and yawned. "Guess I should be a guy, huh? Pity." She stretched, rising up on her toes with both hands reaching overhead, then twisted from side to side a few times to get probably-nonexistent kinks out of her back. Sarutobi swallowed and Yamanaka shot her a fulminating glare full of envy.

"Troublesome."

There was a faint shimmer and Inoue-sensei was replaced by a tall, wiry man with salt-and-pepper hair and a hooked nose. "Let's get this show on the road," he said in a light tenor.

Moments later the rest of the team was ready, henges hiding both weapons and faces, and out the door into the crowded streets of Konoha.

The place was a marvel—the equal or possibly superior of Kirigakure, much less the small hamlets and towns that the team had spent most of their time in for the last year. People bustled back and forth, the streets were lined with shops, and smaller merchants sold food and goods off the back of carts. There were buskers on every other corner—musicians, jugglers, and storytellers. None of them seemed to be making a rich living, but they all had at least a few ryo in their hats.

"This place looks nice," Hazou said, gesturing to a clothing shop they were passing. Like most shops it was open on the street side, with a gate that could be pulled across at night. Shirts, pants, and shoes lined the walls and the marked prices were reasonable.

"As if," Yamanaka said with a derisive snort. "Those are just for peasants. No style at all, and they were designed for softfoots. They wouldn't stand up to ninja life."

Hazou frowned, looking at the clothes. They seemed perfectly nice to him. There were brightly-colored ones but the majority were in shades of grey or brown. It was the sort of stuff he'd grown up wearing, and hearing it dismissed so bluntly...well, it wasn't a good feeling.

"Come on, there's a better place down this way," Yamanaka said, diving into an alley with the ease of someone who'd grown up here and knew the place like the back of her hand.

"Reel it in, Ino," Sarutobi said. "We're going to Secure Storage first, remember?" The blonde grumbled, but followed along.

The Secure Storage facility could have been any warehouse in the Elemental Nations except for the subtle yet impressive security. A few passwords and forms later and Noburi's broken barrel was being loaded onto a dolly to be taken to their quarters. Noburi's eyes tracked it hungrily but he made no protest.

"Where to next?" Inoue-sensei asked. "Back to that store young Miss Yamanaka was so excited about?"

"Yes!" the girl said, her eyes gleaming with an unholy light. "You all need new clothes."

Sarutobi and Akimichi groaned and Nara muttered his catchphrase. Clearly there was some history here.

"Their clothes are fine," Sarutobi said. "I was thinking more along the lines of the theater district."

"No," Yamanaka said firmly. "They are supposed to be a visiting noble and his entourage, and those clothes aren't even remotely convincing. Well, except for hers—his." She gave a disgruntled wave towards Inoue-sensei. "And those are still so far out of style that you'd be laughed out of any serious meeting. I mean, really? Mandarin collar? That is so last year."

Inoue-sensei shrugged. "I've been mostly out in the woods for over a year," she reminded the girl. "When I have been around people it's mostly been in tiny little nothing towns. Little hard to keep up with the trends."

"Hmph. Fine," the blonde said, her nose lifting unconsciously. "Still, you need something better than that."

"And of course you have no intention of purchasing anything for yourself," Nara said.

"Wellll...I did see this really cute top yesterday. And there were some wedges that would look so good with that skirt I bought last week...."

"Wedges? What do you need wedges for?" Kagome asked, kunai suddenly in his hands. "You're going to use them on us, aren't you, you stinker!"

"They're shoes, Kagome," Inoue-sensei said quietly. "It's a style of shoe."

This did not help.

"Shoes?! Wedge shoes? I knew it! They're going to use them to crush our feet so we can't run! Quick, we need to—"

Kagome's panic cut off as Inoue-sensei snagged him in her Sunny Day genjutsu. The tension slid out of his body and he smiled.

"Thanks," he said.

She rested a hand on his shoulder for a minute, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Sorry, my friend."

He shrugged. "Better than starting a fight," he said. He looked at Sarutobi and ducked his head in embarrassment. "Sorry about that."

Sarutobi chuckled. "Don't worry about it. We've got plenty of ninja here who have been on one too many missions. If you want it—and only if you want it—there are a number of priests that you could talk to. It's not magic, but they're good at listening and it can help. No pressure, though. We aren't going to force you into it."

Kagome's smile slipped and a trace of tension returned to his shoulders. "No."

Sarutobi raised his hands placatingly. "Okay," he said. "Like I said, no pressure."

"Come on!" Yamanaka said, setting off with the determination of a freshly-graduated genin on her first mission. "Shopping awaits!"

o-o-o-o​

Yamanaka knew more about clothing styles than Hazou knew about taijutsu. It was almost terrifying watching the girl flip through the stacks of clothing on the shelves of the second store they'd been dragged into—they'd been in the first one for less than a minute before Yamanaka had pronounced it "hopeless" and swept out, pulling them all effortlessly along in her wake. Apparently the selection at this one was better; she was so excited that she was actually using shunshin to move around the store.

"Crazy, huh?" Hazou muttered to Keiko.

Keiko nodded. "Yes. What I find more impressive, though, is that this city is so rich that they actually have multiple styles and sizes of clothes lying around their shops. Not only that, but apparently they even have styles that change more than annually, thereby requiring the fashionable to update their wardrobes. And there is enough wealth to support that excess."

Hazou blinked. "That is a very good point," he said. "I'm impressed. I would not have thought of that."

Keiko shrugged with one shoulder. "Logistics," she muttered, as though that explained everything.

o-o-o-o​

"Does she do this often?" Noburi asked Akimichi. It was nice to not be the fattest one in the room for a change, and the larger boy seemed friendly enough.

"Yup," Akimichi said, chewing placidly on a potato chip he'd pulled from a small leather pouch. "Don't get the wrong idea, though; she's actually a really good ninja even if she gets a little too excited about shopping."

"I didn't think otherwise," Noburi said. "Your team leader is the Third Hokage's son. They're not going to put dead weight with him." He paused. "Hey, the genin who brought our food said that the three of you are all clan heirs. Is that right?"

Akimichi ducked his head in embarrassment. "Yup. It's not really a big thing, though. We aren't better than anyone else just because we're clan, so what does it matter if my dad is the current head?"

"Hey, shopkeeper, get over here!" Yamanaka called. When the old man bustled over she thrust a red blouse at him. "Do you have this in green?"

He bowed immediately. "I'm terrible sorry, ma'am. Just what you see on the shelves."

She sniffed in irritation. "All right well, I guess red is okay. It'll go with that belt I got for my birthday."

"Try this," Inoue-sensei said, offering a crushed-linen skirt. It was asymmetric, cut ankle-length on the right and above the knee on the left, and it was a wash of green and blue that started off a rich jewel tone at the top and dimmed to pastels at the bottom. "It'll look great with that."

Yamanaka's eyebrows went up, but she grabbed the skirt with polite thanks and vanished into the changing room. Squeals of delight indicated a probable sale.

"You know your colors, sir," the shopkeeper said to Inoue-sensei.

The henged jounin shrugged modestly. "My wife is a clothes horse. After buying enough birthday presents you start to pick it up just in sheer self-defense."

The shopkeeper laughed. "Very wise, sir."

Sarutobi had been fidgeting more and more since they walked in, and clearly had reached his breaking point. "Ino!" he called. "Pack it up! We're out of here in two minutes and whatever you haven't bought by then stays here!"

A loud squawk from the changing room gave a few seconds notice before Yamanaka came tearing out, hands full of clothes. She tossed them on the counter and began frantically counting ryo out of her pouch.

"No haggling," Hazou noted to Keiko, fingering his own newly-purchased clothes. Before diving into her own shopping crusade, Yamanaka had used her shopping powers for good by picking out clothes for the team. She'd tried hard to urge Hazou into some clothes that she swore up and down were stylish, but they were too fancy for him. He'd let her guide him on styles and materials, but had insisted on simple construction, minimal decoration, and no embroidery. Based on Yamanaka's anguished complaints you would have thought he was stabbing her in the heart instead of merely refusing shopping advice. Still, the royal blue silk shirt and slate-grey pants were the nicest things he'd ever owned. The fact that they were new was a bizarre concept, and the fact that he hadn't needed to pay a ryo for them was just amazing.

"It's a high-end shop," Keiko murmured back. "I suspect it caters only to clan ninja and the wealthiest members of the bureaucracy. You see how inflated the prices are?"

In truth, Hazou had taken one look at the prices and started to walk back out the door. Even when he was told that the trip was covered under their expense account he'd been extremely uncomfortable and finally settled for just not looking at the tags.

It was more than two minutes before they walked out the door, but at least they weren't burdened when they did. Amidst much bowing and expressions of gratitude, the shopkeeper agreed to have their purchases delivered.

Hazou blinked as they emerged from the shade of the store into the full sun of the outside. He was just opening his mouth to ask about food when he was beaten to the punch.

"Shoes!" Yamanaka said. "Yours are all worn out, we need to get you something better. There's a great place just a mile from here, come on!"

"Are you sure you don't just want new boots to go with your new skirt?" Nara asked slyly.

"Well, I did see this really kicky pair—no! It's all about our visitors!"

"Troublesome," Nara said, shaking his head. "You are very troublesome, Ino."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Are you coming or not?"

"A mile away, just for shoes? Too much like work." Despite his protests, Nara followed her as she turned right and headed out at a quickstep.

"Hey, can we stop for lunch?" Akimichi asked hopefully. "I'm starving."

"You can't be starving, you just ate this morning!" Yamanaka said.

"Yeah, but—"

Hazou shook his head and trailed along behind the bickering team. He really hoped Akimichi won this argument. And that there was something other than shopping that they could do for the rest of the day. If there wasn't, honorable suicide became a much more appealing option.




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Last edited:
Chapter 87: Making Friends/Losing Friends
It was almost time for lunch, and Teams Sarutobi and Inoue were taking their time on a slow walk to a ramen place where Akimichi apparently got hefty discounts as a frequent customer. Inoue-sensei and Sarutobi were hanging back and having their own conversation while the genin had theirs, and Kagome-sensei was silently staying near the fringes of the group and looking like he was ready to bolt at the tiniest provocation (Hazō was doing his best to stay close to him just in case, and he thought Inoue-sensei was too).​
"So," Hazō asked casually, "what do very important visiting dignitaries like ourselves go to see in Leaf? Are there any culturally important sites? What is Leaf's war memorial like?"

"Honestly, it's a bit gloomy for my taste," Akimichi replied, pulling out some dried apple to chew on. "Just rows of memorials, like a graveyard. I wouldn't go there unless I had to."

"I like the statue," Nara said meditatively. "It's abstract but still meaningful."

"Oh, the statue?" Akimichi livened up. "Good idea. It's a great representation of the Will of Fire. Really puts the whole thing in a different context."

"What's the Will of Fire?" Hazō asked. "Akane kept talking about it, but she never really explained what it meant."

"What's the Will of Fire, huh?" Sarutobi took a drag of his cigarette, then let the smoke billow upward. "That's a big question. There's a whole philosophy wrapped up in those three little words.

"The First Hokage, the creator of the shinobi world as you know it, was the one who came up with it, and he summed it up like this:

"The meaning of life is love. Love is the will to protect. The will to protect is the Will of Fire, which warms your comrades and illuminates your path even as it burns your enemies."

"Actually," Nara said in a flat pedantic voice, "it originated with Murakumo no Hisashi, an early Fire Country daimyō. The Senju looted his writings during the sacking of Hakujō in the Warring Clans period."

"You mean a civilian came up with the Will of Fire?" Yamanaka demanded. "No way."

Nara shrugged. "If it makes you feel better, Murakumo didn't manage to accomplish anything with it. He ruled for less than a decade before he died of daimyō natural causes."

"What do you mean?" Noburi asked.

Inoue-sensei was the one to answer. "I know this one. Was he assassinated by a ninja?"

Nara nodded. "He is only remembered today because the Senju came across his work when they destroyed his castle."

"So gotta ask," Noburi said, "how do you live in the Land of Trees and More Trees, and decide that fire is your go-to symbol for protection?"

Yamanaka snorted. "I ask myself the same thing every day. Or I would if I cared, which is close enough."

Everyone looked at Nara.

He gave a put-upon sigh. "How troublesome. Well, Murakumo lived in a time of war, and he wanted to tell people that their protective impulses were right and proper in and of themselves, but that taking them too far led to everybody getting hurt, and risked destroying everything in the end, like a wildfire annihilating a forest."

Unseen behind the minders, Keiko's eyebrow twitched.

"Of course," Nara went on, "he was just some minor philosopher without any real influence, so when he died his writings were lost for centuries. Then when the First Hokage was founding Leaf, he decided to make the Will of Fire its foundation. He thought that uniting the Fire Country clans into one village would allow them to protect what was important instead of constantly fighting with each other."

"Good job, Shikamaru," Sarutobi said. "Didn't expect a history lesson out of you."

Nara scowled.

Sarutobi looked back to Hazō. "Anyway, there you have it. The Will of Fire is at the heart of everything we do here in Leaf, and it's why we've always been the world's strongest village."

How strange. Mist didn't have anything like that. The original Mist ninja had been the strongest because they were able to tame the sea, the ultimate hostile environment. But they lacked unity, which was why the First Mizukage had been able to defeat them in detail, bringing them under his dominance one by one and binding them together with his incredible will. This new coexistence made them realise the value of peace, and over time they became willing tools of a greater power, which made them so efficient and coordinated that no external force could threaten them. There had been no verbalised philosophy behind any of that, just pragmatism and historic inevitability.

"Sorry for the trouble, Nara," Hazō said. "I'm grateful for the explanation."

Nara grunted.

"Actually, I've been meaning to ask you," Hazō went on, "you seem like someone who does a lot of planning, and from what I've been told about the Ino-Shika-Chō, it's usually the Shika part that's the brains of the team..."

Sarutobi, Akimichi and Yamanaka turned to look at him all at once.

"Uh," Hazō froze.

"What Hazō's trying to say in his usual inept way," Noburi cut in, "is that you're just like us—you've got one person specialising in analytical work, one person who does the heavy lifting, and one ninjutsu specialist, plus the leader. Well, we picked up a couple more along the way, but you get the idea."

"Nice save, Wakahisa," Yamanaka laughed. "So did you have a point to make, Mr Clever Analyst?"

"Actually, he's the dumb muscle," Noburi stage-whispered to her. "You want the quiet girl over there."

"Shut up, Noburi," Hazō finally said. "As I was saying, Nara, do you happen to have any favourite organisational tools? I prefer lists myself, though there's a lot of varieties I haven't even begun to explore."

Nara seemed to liven up a little. "Three-dimensional diagrams. Each piece of paper represents a layer of a cube, so as long as you use proper notation, you can draw different types of relationships between different forms of content without compromising clarity." He paused. "But then nobody else can read them so the information ends up as a pie chart anyway."

"That sounds… fascinating," Hazō said. "If you have some free time later tonight, could you show me?"

"Yes," Keiko spoke up for the first time. "I believe I would also find it very educational."

"Nerds," Yamanaka muttered. She, Noburi and Akimichi exchanged commiserating looks.
-o-
"Psychotherapy?" Yamanaka amazingly managed to pronounce it through a mouthful of ramen. (It wasn't clear to anyone whether Jiraiya was in fact supposed to pay for lunch, but they decided to put it on his tab just in case, and leave the rest to bureaucracy.)

"That's right," Hazō said. "We heard there was such a thing when we were in Tea, and then there was that mention of mental health help earlier… so how does it work, exactly, if you don't mind me asking? Or is it a Yamanaka clan secret?"

"Yes and no," Yamanaka said. "We use Yamanaka techniques as part of it, but a lot of it is just talking about what we find. But since you have to work one-on-one with a Yamanaka over a long period of time, you have to be pretty rich to afford it, or get the Hokage's Office to subsidise you. Plus, some people are weird about having their minds read. Why, you starting to feel crazy?"

"Uh," Hazō said. He couldn't exactly deny it, but how did you say yes to a question like that? He decided to settle on a half-truth. "Actually, I was worried about our other teammate. She's been severely injured, and it could be putting a lot of mental strain on her." No direct lies; Inoue-sensei would be proud.

Yamanaka nodded sympathetically. "Have you been to see her yet? You should bring her flowers. Every girl likes flowers."

"She's got a point," Noburi said. "You're way past that stage in your relationship, Hazō, so you really need to start catching up with the gifts."

"Oh," Yamanaka said delightedly. "Is that how it is? The forbidden love of a Leaf genin and a missing-nin… Can a maiden's pure Will of Fire melt the cold heart of a brutal killer? Or will a cruel fate force them apart just as it forced them together?"

"It's not like that at all," Hazō glared. "I'm just her master."

This made Yamanaka's eyes shine even brighter.

"Oh, it's that kind of relationship? Wow did I underestimate you, Kurosawa. You're hardcore."

Hazō wordlessly looked to Inoue-sensei for help, realising a second too late what a bad idea that was.

"Hazō!" she gasped in mock surprise. "You and Akane? It wasn't that long ago that you were trying to get Keiko to let you tie her up!"

The cigarette dropped out of Sarutobi's mouth at roughly the same instant as Keiko facepalmed.

"Kurosawa," Akimichi said seriously, "It may not be my place to say this, but you shouldn't two-time girls. You're only going to end up hurting their feelings."

"He never said he was two-timing them!" Yamanaka said. "Seeing as how they're all still teammates, and they know about each other and they aren't fighting or anything… we could be seeing a three-way relationship in the flesh!"

By this point Sarutobi's eyes were the size of dinner plates, Inoue-sensei and Noburi were laughing uncontrollably, and Kagome-sensei was staring at them all in utter bewilderment.

In the background, Nara slowly raised his hand. "Check, please!"
-o-
"Seriously, though," Yamanaka said one merciful explanation later, as the group headed to a shoe shop, "she's in hospital. Get her flowers. It's like the most basic team care. Let's swing by the Yamanaka Flower Shop on the way out and I'll get you a discount."

"Wait," Hazō said, setting aside the fact that he knew about the relevance of flowers, and was already going to get Akane some, and would have said as much if Noburi hadn't suddenly opened his big mouth, "you're telling me the Yamanaka Clan, one of the most powerful clans in the world, with the unique and incredible power to read minds, runs a flower shop?"

Yamanaka grinned. "Thanks for the compliments, Kurosawa, but I'm not joining your harem just yet."

"Actually," Keiko saved the conversation from another descent into inaneness, "it is not unknown for major clans to own small businesses like this. They are typically used as fronts for espionage and—"

"So now our shopping's done," Inoue-sensei said, "how about we drop by the hospital and see if Akane's allowed visitors yet? What was her doctor's name again? Yakushi something?"

"A hospital?" Kagome-sensei demanded. "Are you crazy? You want us to go to where Leaf is running its experiments, and just hand ourselves over for raw materials so they can put tentacles in our ears and turn us into chakra zombies and who knows what else?"

"You make a point," Inoue-sensei said before any of the minders could respond. "Why don't we go buy everyone some chocolate for now, and talk about this again later?"

"That's right," Hazō chipped in. "Weren't you working on a watertight protocol for buying food safely?"

"No such thing as a watertight protocol," Kagome-sensei said. "You start thinking your precautions are foolproof, and bam! All the plants are spontaneously combusting and you can smell the colour pink. Still, it's a good protocol, and... chocolate…"
-o-
Dr Yakushi's office was surprisingly tidy by comparison with the Hokage's, with the desk occupied only by a single spread-out scroll. The man poring over it was much younger than the middle-aged scholar Hazō had been expecting—maybe even younger than Inoue-sensei—but he did at least have the requisite grey hair and round glasses (which served as yet another reminder of Leaf's wealth).

"Ah, you must be Miss Ishihara's team," Dr Yakushi smiled. "My name is Yakushi Kabuto. Feel free to take down your disguises—we're all friends here, and besides, I am a member of the Arikada interrogation team."

Hazō gave him a questioning look.

"The names you gave for your appointment didn't include anyone by the name of 'Hazō'," Dr Yakushi explained, "and I feel certain that one of you must be 'Hazō-sensei', since Miss Ishihara repeated that name many times during her semi-conscious period. And since you are collectively responsible for saving a Leaf ninja, I really would like to meet you face to face, so to speak."

He even spoke how Hazō thought a doctor should speak, measured and slightly detached, but at the same time warm and reassuring.

Inoue-sensei: Deception said:
Yakushi Kabuto: Deception said:

"I don't think so," Inoue-sensei said. "No offense to you, doctor, but we'd like to preserve our privacy as much as possible while we're here in Leaf."

Hazō: Deception said:

"Inoue-sensei!" Hazō snapped. "This man saved Akane's life."

He dispelled his disguise. "I'm Kurosawa Hazō. Thank you again for what you've done, Dr Yakushi."

Dr Yakushi walked out from behind the desk and extended his hand for a handshake. Hazō took it with Kurosawa Handshake no. 3, "I am a dignified person showing you great respect".

Dr Yakushi looked down. "Is that… a preset handshake? How fascinating. Then you are one of the Mist Kurosawa?"

Hazō blinked. "Yes, but how did you…?"

"Ah, well," Dr Yakushi's gaze slid briefly across one of the bookshelves, "I happen to have something of an interest in Bloodline Limits. They include some of the most powerful bioweapons and bioweapon counters both, you see. But to meet a Kurosawa in the flesh! I don't suppose you'd be interested in coming by to help me with some tests during your stay? Nothing invasive, just a few measurements to see how quickly you learn different movements, things like that."

"No!" Kagome-sensei barked. "You're not cutting up Hazō for your sick experiments, you stinking leech!"

Hazō could see Inoue-sensei open her mouth to interrupt the imminent tirade with a "Kagome!", then close it again as she realised she couldn't use his name in front of the doctor. Fortunately, the chocolate must have worked, because Kagome-sensei left it at that.

Dr Yakushi held up his hands placatingly. "I wouldn't dream of it, sir. The kind of human experimentation you're thinking of is forbidden in Leaf, even on criminals and civilians, believe it or not. Medical research in Leaf is constrained by stringent ethics.

"Now, Mr Kurosawa, would you grant me my humble request?"

Hazō considered. Dr Yakushi had saved Akane from certain death, and that put Hazō forever in his debt. But at the same time it felt like a bad idea to commit to something he didn't entirely understand without at least checking with Inoue-sensei first.

"If I have time," he finally gave a safe answer. "I do owe you a great deal for saving my apprentice, Dr Yakushi, but we have various authorities we have to answer to while we're here, so my time isn't really my own."

"Please don't worry about it," Dr Yakushi looked down in apparent embarrassment. "It was my duty as a medical professional, and besides, I was able to gather a great deal of valuable data while working on her body, and that was a horribly inappropriate comment and I do apologise."

There was an awkward silence.

Out of the corner of his eye, Hazō saw Noburi nod slightly to himself.

"Don't worry about it, doc," Noburi said as he released his disguise. "I'm Wakahisa Noburi and I don't see anything wrong with you trying to expand your scientific knowledge while you work. I mean, isn't that how you got the skills you needed to save Akane in the first place?" He offered his hand.

Dr Yakushi shook it. "It's very kind of you to say so, though I fear you overestimate my skills a great deal. The fact that people call me a leading expert in the field only reflects the lack of other specialists."

He looked from Noburi to Keiko.

"The demands of social courtesy should not outweigh basic information security," she muttered, not meeting his gaze, and ignoring his outstretched hand.

Dr Yakushi kept his hand out with an open, friendly expression. Keiko lasted for an extremely long time, but finally caved in before he did.

"Mori Keiko," she said quietly, turning off the Transformation Technique, but she never looked him in the eye or shook his hand.

"Hm. Mori," Dr Yakushi said to himself. "Mori, Mori, Mori, Mori… ah, Mori."

He smiled and moved on to Kagome-sensei, who glowered at him.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing," Kagome-sensei growled. "Everyone else might fall for your filthy tricks, but I can see right through you. You so much as touch one hair on their heads, and boom!" He flicked his palms open suddenly in Dr Yakushi's face.

Dr Yakushi leapt back with flawless ninja reflexes, coming down in a crouched defensive stance behind his desk. Hazō and the other genin stared.

"Yes?" Dr Yakushi looked at them in puzzlement. "Despite appearances, I am a shinobi. I daresay I would have trouble using medical ninjutsu otherwise.

"But hospitals are places of peace and recuperation. Do please avoid violence here."

"I apologise for my teammate's behaviour," Inoue-sensei said. "I'm sure you can't blame us all for being a little on edge, circumstances being what they are."

She gave the three genin another glance, with a shadow of resignation.

"Inoue Mari."

The two locked eyes as they shook hands, and the handshake lasted a little bit longer than was natural.

"A pleasure to meet you, Miss Inoue," Dr Yakushi finally said. "I'm glad to see that Miss Ishihara will be in safe hands when I am finally ready to release her from my care."

"That's the reason we came here!" Hazō said, glad to finally get to the important part. "Well, that and to thank you. How soon will Akane recover?"

"Hm," Dr Yakushi said, taking off his glasses and wiping them with a cloth before giving him an answer. "I do not give fine estimates as a matter of principle. Human bodies are very individual things, and giving an inaccurate prediction carries all manner of dangers. Suffice to say that we are speaking in terms of months rather than weeks."

"Can we visit her?"

"Ideally she should have peace and quiet, but looking at it another way… I will say five minutes. Ten at most. Only one person, and you must not disturb her in any way. Light conversation only. Fashion. Celebrities. The weather. Whatever it is teenage girls concern themselves with in their spare time. Nothing that may stress her. Am I understood?"

Dr Yakushi's glasses glinted with a hint of menace.

"Y-Yes, sir!" Hazō said.

"How about gifts?" Noburi asked.

"No foodstuffs for the time being. She will be on a strict hospital diet. That may be a source of stress in and of itself, I'll grant you, but it will accelerate her recovery. Light reading material, perhaps. Laypeople underestimate, I believe, how little stamina a person in intensive care possesses, and how quickly it is drained even by the least mental effort. Flowers, though you must check for allergies first. Trigger an allergic reaction in my hospital, and you will be banned until further notice."

"One more thing before we go," Noburi said. "I'm actually training to be a medic-nin myself, and I was wondering… would you do me a huge favour and let me shadow you for a little while? I bet watching a master like you work would make my own skills skyrocket, and I'm happy to do all the dirty work as your assistant."

"Hm." Dr Yakushi looked at Noburi appraisingly. "Much of my work is classified, and I am going to be very busy working on the Arikada case. It would be difficult to find any activities in which the presence of an assistant could be both acceptable and useful."

But the tone of his voice suggested that he was still thinking about it.

The silence stretched on for a bit. Noburi's expression gradually became more and more disappointed.

"But I suppose there is one way."

"What's that?" Noburi asked instantly.

"As I mentioned, I have a strong interest in Bloodline Limits. In fact, I've written a monograph on purposefully altered chakra systems, though that was more related to the chakra channels in the brain and eyes. An opportunity for detailed observation of the Wakahisa Bloodline Limit in action, as you use medical ninjutsu and study new techniques of my own choosing, may justify the drastic disruption to my schedule that would be involved. And of course I would have some questions for you, which seems only fair since I'm certain you will have many for me."

Noburi looked hesitant at this.

"No clan secrets, of course," Dr Yakushi said quickly. "I assure you, I have every respect for the principle of classified information. But matters you might consider trivial, ones which might even be taken for granted in your home village, could be a great contribution to my research at no cost to you.

"Hm," Dr Yakushi said, "I find myself beginning to warm to the idea. My position prevents me from taking on apprentices in the usual way, and yet there is so much that I could potentially share. All my experience, so much little-known lore, even the values that have made me the doctor I am today. And of course, the opportunity is as unique for you, since other doctors would not be cleared to know your identity, and would hardly trust non-Leaf strangers like yourselves even if they did. As it is, I foresee hours of filling in forms and arguing with the Hokage's Office before I can make your desire come true… but I trust that you will make it worth my time and effort.

"So yes, Wakahisa Noburi, I agree to your request. I shall clear the matter with the Hokage's Office, and you should clear it with your minders, and expect to hear from me tomorrow with details of our schedule.

"I look forward to working with you."

"Thank you, Yakushi-sensei," Noburi said emphatically. "I promise you won't regret this!"
-o-
Ishihara Akane, the world's best apprentice, was alive. Alive and awake, and a lot paler than usual, but she was able to sit up in bed when she saw him (with a wince), and that was more than enough for Hazō.

"Hazō-sensei!" she said quietly. "You came!"

"Akane!" Hazō almost rushed over, but forced himself to obey Dr Yakushi's admonition and walk slowly and calmly to her side. "How are you feeling?"

"I've mostly been asleep," Akane confessed. "Everything hurts, but I am alive. I didn't think I was going to make it." Then, even more quietly, she added, "I'm sorry I failed everyone, Hazō-sensei."

"What?" Hazō stopped. She'd done what? To whom? When?

"You didn't fail anyone, Akane. I'm the one who should be apologising for failing to protect you!"

Hazō silently cursed. This was the exact kind of high-stress conversation Dr Yakushi had told him to avoid.

"No, please don't blame yourself," she said. "I wasn't youthful enough. If I had been, I would have spent more time training so something like this wouldn't happen. You weren't too slow to dodge Arikada's attack. He wouldn't have been too slow. I just… I hate hospitals."

Hazō was caught off-guard by the non-sequitur.

"I lost a big chunk of my life to this hospital," Akane said. "Even after I was allowed to stay at home, it never let go of me. Bi-weekly check-ups, instructions to my parents… I should be grateful to it, to everyone who put so much effort into helping me get better. But now I'm back here, and I hate it. I'm back to the person I was before, weak and helpless and letting everyone down. Only this time I've already had my second chance."

"Akane, that's just not true," Hazō said fiercely. "You got hurt on a mission, the way everybody does sooner or later. Remember when the mountain ninja hurt Inoue-sensei? She needed bed rest too, but it didn't make her any less of a person."

Akane shook her head, then blinked a couple of times to clear it from what must have been a burst of dizziness. "Thank you trying to make me feel better. You've always been the more youthful one out of the two of us. But I messed up and I could have got everyone killed. And when I look back, it's been like this all along.

"I got tricked by Mizuki-sensei because I was too gullible. I fell for the Liberator's brainwashing because I was too naive, and you had to save me. I nearly got us all killed by Kōta because I was too trusting, and you had to save me. I collapsed from chakra drain because I was too stubborn, and you had to save me. I nearly got killed by Arikada because I was too incompetent, and you had to save me. I've enjoyed travelling with you so much, but I think maybe you would be better off without me.

"When I'm better, I think I should take Jiraiya-sensei's offer and come back to Leaf, where I'm not going to hurt the people I love. Or maybe I should quit being a ninja altogether if they'll let me. I could convince them I'm unfit for duty."

Hazō had never seen this side of Akane. It was like talking to a completely different person. Even Keiko didn't talk like this (most of the time). Had the trauma really hit Akane that hard? Or were there things she'd been bottling up all along, behind that unswervingly cheerful exterior? Why had he never thought about that before?

Well, if ever there was a time to tap into his supposed powers of Youth and deliver an inspirational speech, this was it. Hazō opened his mouth and prepared to try to surrender to the weird stream of consciousness that kept coming up with things Akane somehow found meaningful.

But before he could, Akane slumped back in her bed. "Thank you for coming to visit, Hazō-sensei. But I think I need to sleep now."

She hesitated. "Would you… come see me again? Just until I feel better?"

"Every day," Hazō promised. "I'll help you feel youthful again if it's the last thing I do."
-o-
You have received 10 XP.
-o-
What do you do?

Voting closes at 9 am Pacific Standard Time, Saturday 3rd of December.​
 
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