Interlude Legend
"These are delicious Arthur", I complimented my Husband, who beamed me with a heart-melting smile.
"I try- it's the least I can do, what with your heroics keeping us all safe"
"I wish I can be home more often, honestly, but-"
"It's alright, we understand, don't we Keith?"
"Yeah Dad!", Keith nodded in understanding. Bright boy. Knew we picked out the right kid at the orphanage. Cause if we had picked out an idiot, I would've sent him right back. Or hoist him off to Eidolon, God knows the man needed some human contact.
I turned and looked outside the window showing the glorious New York cityscape.
"Today's a quiet day", I commented.
Arthur jolted.
"Wait, don't-"
I continued, "let's hope it stays that way, and no huge, unexpected emergency happens"
Arthur groaned and palmed his face.
Did I do something wrong?
My PRT issued mobile phone blared with the Endbringer Alert ringtone.
Fuck.
I picked up the phone, "Legend speaking, what's going on?"
It was Alexandria.
"Think Tank indicates that Kaiser had a motherfucking second trigger, and he's now doing a good imitation of Lung ramped way up!"
Double Fuck.
"How bad is it?"
"Half of Brockton Bay is a smoking crater. Kaiser is a blaster now too. Blaster 10."
Triple fuck.
"I am on my way", I shut off the phone and looked apologetically at Arthur and Keith.
"Daddy's got to save the Nazi Capital of the USA."
Arthur just nodded in acceptance, "Go show 'em who's the pimp!"
"I am the Pimp" I declared confidently.
I quickly went to my room, change into my costume and turned myself into glimmering rainbow.
"I am Legend. I am Faster than light", I whispered to myself. Man, I am so cool.
I blasted away at the speed of light, the world disappeared into a blur of colours.
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I landed at the designated emergency headquarter for the combined Anti-Kaiser forces nigh instantaneously, it was less than a second after I left my apartment in New York. FTL for the win, baby!
Armsmaster saluted me, "Sir!"
"Is everyone gathered?"
"Affirmative"
Goddammit Colin, would it kill you to speak like a human being?
I marched right inside and found the room filled up with capes. Protectorate capes, New Wave, The Merchants, The ABB, a couple of rogues and independent villains...and the Empire Eighty Eight. Oh this was going to be awkward.
They parted to let me through as I went up to a podium.
There was a crack of displaced air as Alexandria and Strider suddenly appeared.
She nodded at me.
I turned around and the room quieted down as they waited to hear my address.
"Ladies and Gentleman, and whatever other gender you identify with-"
Everyone groaned at my sudden insertion of gender politics into the situation- hey, I gotta do my part right?
"- the threat we are facing is near to that of an Endbringer level threat. If you didn't already know, Kaiser second triggered and is now on a mad, power fueled rampage through the Bay. I am sure Alexandria has more information on this threat we are now facing."
Rebecca stepped up and spoke, "Indeed I do, Kaiser- we're designating him as NIDHOGG, is now a giant metal worm that can fire blasts of high energy, vaporizing anything with it's intense heat. He's also apparently doubled his size since he began his rampage in the suburbs. We can only assume he will continue to escalate unless we can stop him."
I took over, "And we will stop him. For all of his power, Ka-Nidhogg is not an Endbringer. We have a good chance to put him out of his misery."
The Empire capes look really uncomfortable.
"If anyone has problems fighting Kaiser, you can sit out of this fight. But don't interfere, understand?", that last part was directed at the Empire capes, who growled.
Purity stepped forward, "We'll fight, it's clear to us that Kaiser has lost his mind"
Krieg nodded in understanding.
Alexandria spoke up, "A kill order was approved not ten minutes ago, so don't hesitate, got it?"
There was a rumble of "yes" and "understood" and a solitary "affirmative" (goddamit Colin!) amongst the crowd.
I raised my voice, "Alright! Everyone, divide into-"
An orange inferno bisected the building we were in, killing the capes in our way.
Nidhogg was here! A terrible rumbling could be heard as the Monstrous Cape approached.
A terrifying roar.
"You spent too much time talking you idiot!", yelled one of the Villain Thinkers (Tattletale I think- I was briefed on her file a couple months ago).
I didn't deign to reply, I simply raised my hand and said, "Pew Pew Lasers!"
A kaleidoscope of high powered light bursted from my glorious body like some kind of bullet hell game, it completely destroyed the rest of the building, revealing the blue sky. The lasers curved and homed in on the approaching Nidhogg.
God damn was he ugly.
The lasers blasted into him, puncturing his metallic body.
Guess he wasn't invulnerable afterall, ha!
Wait- what the fuck!
Nidhogg shed his skin- revealing a pristine clean, 100% regenerated body underneath.
Holy shit.
And then he doubled his size.
"KILL HIM, KILL HIM NOW! We can't let him double his size again!", was Alexandria's scream as she rocketed towards the beast, flying capes pouring after her, including a determined looking Purity.
I grimaced and flew after them.
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A/N: I updated the thread title. Yes, I now acknowledge that this is crack. Readers who value literature and their sanity can avoid being harmed by miscommunication.