- Location
- norway
great fic, cannot wait. :lol
is he gonna play dress up with some shrunk villains later?
is he gonna play dress up with some shrunk villains later?
Lobotomy Solves Everything (Worm/Antman CRACK SI)
- Thread starter Numen
- Start date
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
That's fair, everybody's mileage varies. It is a crack fic though, so that's about what one should expect approaching this fic.
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Well that's not creepy at all. Actually, that tops Coil keeping Dinah as a pet on the creepy list.
Interlude Matter Transmutation Mod Metal
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Interlude Matter Transmutation Mod Metal
Matter Transmutation Mod Metal was confused.
The constituent atoms in the primary Host appeared to have decreased in distance.
This effect is very similar to one utilized by the Space Warp Engines (modified to Host body only).
However, the Host seems to be affected by some kind of subatomic particle- one catalogued but not understood.
Perhaps another Engine would grasp it better.
Matter Transmutation Mod Metal composed a query and pinged a nearby Shard.
[Query: Administrator- search shard, subatomic index engine]
The Administrator Engine (currently modified to control small veterbrates ubiquitus in Host homeworld) would find the appropriate Shard who is tasked with researching this particular subatomic particle and return with answers.
A subshard was consulted on the safety of the Host in this state.
75.68559% chance The Host may self terminate since the the safety limits are not size appropriate to Host's current structure.
Adjustment recommended.
Adjusting.
Matter Transmutation of solid surface area now relative to current Host structure.
Safety ascertained. Risk of self termination at 3.457500%
The Host seems to be engaging in conflict with another member of the Host species.
Opposition tagged ANOMOLY- Unexpected Ability not native to Host species.
ERROR: Shard not detected.
Data collected.
A few cycles of time pass.
The Host is in conflict with a lower life form controlled by the Administrator Engine.
The Host at risk of terminating.
Reassassing parameters.
Pinging nearby Shards.
Adjustment of Ability Expressions recommended.
Adjusting.
Matter Transmutation Mod Metal was confused.
The constituent atoms in the primary Host appeared to have decreased in distance.
This effect is very similar to one utilized by the Space Warp Engines (modified to Host body only).
However, the Host seems to be affected by some kind of subatomic particle- one catalogued but not understood.
Perhaps another Engine would grasp it better.
Matter Transmutation Mod Metal composed a query and pinged a nearby Shard.
[Query: Administrator- search shard, subatomic index engine]
The Administrator Engine (currently modified to control small veterbrates ubiquitus in Host homeworld) would find the appropriate Shard who is tasked with researching this particular subatomic particle and return with answers.
A subshard was consulted on the safety of the Host in this state.
75.68559% chance The Host may self terminate since the the safety limits are not size appropriate to Host's current structure.
Adjustment recommended.
Adjusting.
Matter Transmutation of solid surface area now relative to current Host structure.
Safety ascertained. Risk of self termination at 3.457500%
The Host seems to be engaging in conflict with another member of the Host species.
Opposition tagged ANOMOLY- Unexpected Ability not native to Host species.
ERROR: Shard not detected.
Data collected.
A few cycles of time pass.
The Host is in conflict with a lower life form controlled by the Administrator Engine.
The Host at risk of terminating.
Reassassing parameters.
Pinging nearby Shards.
Adjustment of Ability Expressions recommended.
Adjusting.
Last edited:
Kaiser's second Triggering,
Fuck.
Fuck.
He will be henceforth known as Kaiser the White.
Lenimentus
Ignorant but learning.
Oh good god, that was awful, have a like.
Chapter 7: Operation Starship Trooper
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Chapter 7: Operation Starship Trooper
Our aerial squadron of flying bugs cut through the midday sky, the scorching sun beating down upon the paved roads of the highway like some woman wailing over her husband's cold corpse. So sue me, I am a poet.
We both rode our own Dragonfly however. Goddamn, these buggers are fast. They are like the sportscar of the insect world.
I radioed Taylor with my built in helmet com.
"Skitter this is Big Yellow, over."
"Big Yellow, this is Skitter."
"Any sign of our mission objective?"
"One of my roaches has detected the convoy....and holy fucking shit...Dragon is escorting the convoy! What do we do?"
Ah. Fuck. But I have a plan to deal with her.
"Fuck. I guess we'll just have to wing it. We should be fine, Dragon has limitations and she won't be trying to kill us. Operation Starship Trooper is a go Skitter."
"Roger."
She banked off, followed by a swarm of wasps and cockroaches. The cockroaches acted as carriers, each transporting a squad of ants.
"Skitter, good luck, remember, we are doing a righteous thing here, take faith in the justice we are about to impart."
That Justice involved breaking about a dozen laws, including stopping a prisoner transfer convoy, assaulting PRT officers and Capes, obstructing traffic and causing massive damage to public property and cost the Government tons of tax dollars.
It shall be glorious.
-----------------------------------------------------
By the time I reached the convoy, there was a blanket of bugs covering the Prisoner Transport Truck and buzzing around the PRT sedans and regular police vehicles that were following along (they would eventually taper off as they got pass the Canadian border- after which it was Dragon's sole responsibility to see them delivered to the Bird Cage). Dragon's Suit was hovering closer now, likely observing the clearly parahuman display of power.
A mere nuisance to them right now. What could bugs do?
Well, this:
I primed my growth beams and fired in rapid succession, every single bug that got locked on by my targeting AI were hit.
And suddenly there were hundreds of truck sized cockroaches carrying dog-sized ants.
The Prisoner Transport Truck screeched to a halt, smashing into a Giant Cockroach Leg. The Cockroach (can we call him Noah?) growled.
Dragon began firing missiles at the Wasps that began to assault her position while dodging the utility pole sized stingers that was trying to puncture her suit. She lead them on a merry chase across the sky- explosions and dead Wasp parts began to rain down on the chaos below.
And what chaos it was. The PRT vehicles were totalled, agents were making their escape, away from the giant bugs, many of them firing their rifles at the ants. It was like a scene out of Cloverfield or well...Starship troopers.
Skitter and I, along with our Dragonflies were still tiny however.
We quickly approached the downed Prisoner Transfer Truck under cover of the battle.
Another normal sized dragonfly dropped a rolled up piece of paper on the ground in front of us. Out of it crawled a Scorpian.
I zapped it with my beam and a Giant Scorpian appeared. It roared and struck it's pincers into the back of the truck, peeling the steel door back out.
"AAAAAAAGH" a female voiced screamed from within.
I targeted Paige Mcabee with one of my robotic arms and shrank her.
Taylor made my Dragonfly approach her.
"Hello Canary. Come with me if you want to live." I even tried impersonating Arnold's voice here.
"Wha-"
"Move it, or do you want to go to the Bird Cage for the rest of your life?"
She grabbed my outstretched arm and I hoisted her onto the back of my Dragonfly.
"Grab tight, this baby moves real fast!" I yelled at her as my dragonfly soared up and shot out of the area like a speeding bullet.
Aw yeah, it was good to be heroes.
Bzkt-bzkt-bzkt-bzkt!
Machine gun bullets sped past me, tearing up a nearby Giant Wasp which promptly exploded. A bit of slimy gore splattered over my body.
The roar of rocket thrusters could be heard as Dragon suddenly appeared behind me.
A mechanical voice with a Newfoundland Accent spoke up, "I SEE YOU LITTLE MAN."
Aw shit! Her robotic optics are too damn good.
I had one of my robotic arms rotate around and zap her.
Dragon became tiny.
That evened the playing field somewhat.
A beam of laser flew pass me.
Or not!
Huh, why does she keep missing? Unless...oh, she wants me to escape with Paige. Of course! Had she actually hit, I would be injured, possibly dead, and Dragon wasn't required to kill us, or even to capture me (since I wasn't exactly a wanted criminal...yet). She just need to capture Paige.
That makes so much sense. She's doing the barest minimum she is required to do under the law.
Okay Dragon, let's help you help me escape.
A pair of normal sized wasps suddenly intercepted dragon, the two of them holding onto spidersilk that dangled a tiny fly zapper.
I zap that fly zapper and it immediately became full sized- which means relative to us, it was GIGANTIC.
Right in time for Dragon to smack into it in midair, electronics shorting out as she fizzled. I see a couple of robotic limbs blackened and twist with a screech and burst of showering sparks.
Then gravity happened and Dragon and the Full Sized Fly Zapper dropped like flies to explode somewhere on the road below.
Boo yeah! Hasta la Vista, baby!
"Mission accomplished Skitter, how's things on your end?"
"I completely destroyed the highway and the PRT have beaten a retreat. Capes might be incoming- I am going to order all of my Giant Bugs to commit suicide now."
We decided ahead of time it was too dangerous to leave Giant Bugs around anywhere. They were now probably cannibalizing each other.
Nice and clean.
"Alright, see you back at base."
I turned back to Paige, "So....you like vegetarian food?"
Our aerial squadron of flying bugs cut through the midday sky, the scorching sun beating down upon the paved roads of the highway like some woman wailing over her husband's cold corpse. So sue me, I am a poet.
We both rode our own Dragonfly however. Goddamn, these buggers are fast. They are like the sportscar of the insect world.
I radioed Taylor with my built in helmet com.
"Skitter this is Big Yellow, over."
"Big Yellow, this is Skitter."
"Any sign of our mission objective?"
"One of my roaches has detected the convoy....and holy fucking shit...Dragon is escorting the convoy! What do we do?"
Ah. Fuck. But I have a plan to deal with her.
"Fuck. I guess we'll just have to wing it. We should be fine, Dragon has limitations and she won't be trying to kill us. Operation Starship Trooper is a go Skitter."
"Roger."
She banked off, followed by a swarm of wasps and cockroaches. The cockroaches acted as carriers, each transporting a squad of ants.
"Skitter, good luck, remember, we are doing a righteous thing here, take faith in the justice we are about to impart."
That Justice involved breaking about a dozen laws, including stopping a prisoner transfer convoy, assaulting PRT officers and Capes, obstructing traffic and causing massive damage to public property and cost the Government tons of tax dollars.
It shall be glorious.
-----------------------------------------------------
By the time I reached the convoy, there was a blanket of bugs covering the Prisoner Transport Truck and buzzing around the PRT sedans and regular police vehicles that were following along (they would eventually taper off as they got pass the Canadian border- after which it was Dragon's sole responsibility to see them delivered to the Bird Cage). Dragon's Suit was hovering closer now, likely observing the clearly parahuman display of power.
A mere nuisance to them right now. What could bugs do?
Well, this:
I primed my growth beams and fired in rapid succession, every single bug that got locked on by my targeting AI were hit.
And suddenly there were hundreds of truck sized cockroaches carrying dog-sized ants.
The Prisoner Transport Truck screeched to a halt, smashing into a Giant Cockroach Leg. The Cockroach (can we call him Noah?) growled.
Dragon began firing missiles at the Wasps that began to assault her position while dodging the utility pole sized stingers that was trying to puncture her suit. She lead them on a merry chase across the sky- explosions and dead Wasp parts began to rain down on the chaos below.
And what chaos it was. The PRT vehicles were totalled, agents were making their escape, away from the giant bugs, many of them firing their rifles at the ants. It was like a scene out of Cloverfield or well...Starship troopers.
Skitter and I, along with our Dragonflies were still tiny however.
We quickly approached the downed Prisoner Transfer Truck under cover of the battle.
Another normal sized dragonfly dropped a rolled up piece of paper on the ground in front of us. Out of it crawled a Scorpian.
I zapped it with my beam and a Giant Scorpian appeared. It roared and struck it's pincers into the back of the truck, peeling the steel door back out.
"AAAAAAAGH" a female voiced screamed from within.
I targeted Paige Mcabee with one of my robotic arms and shrank her.
Taylor made my Dragonfly approach her.
"Hello Canary. Come with me if you want to live." I even tried impersonating Arnold's voice here.
"Wha-"
"Move it, or do you want to go to the Bird Cage for the rest of your life?"
She grabbed my outstretched arm and I hoisted her onto the back of my Dragonfly.
"Grab tight, this baby moves real fast!" I yelled at her as my dragonfly soared up and shot out of the area like a speeding bullet.
Aw yeah, it was good to be heroes.
Bzkt-bzkt-bzkt-bzkt!
Machine gun bullets sped past me, tearing up a nearby Giant Wasp which promptly exploded. A bit of slimy gore splattered over my body.
The roar of rocket thrusters could be heard as Dragon suddenly appeared behind me.
A mechanical voice with a Newfoundland Accent spoke up, "I SEE YOU LITTLE MAN."
Aw shit! Her robotic optics are too damn good.
I had one of my robotic arms rotate around and zap her.
Dragon became tiny.
That evened the playing field somewhat.
A beam of laser flew pass me.
Or not!
Huh, why does she keep missing? Unless...oh, she wants me to escape with Paige. Of course! Had she actually hit, I would be injured, possibly dead, and Dragon wasn't required to kill us, or even to capture me (since I wasn't exactly a wanted criminal...yet). She just need to capture Paige.
That makes so much sense. She's doing the barest minimum she is required to do under the law.
Okay Dragon, let's help you help me escape.
A pair of normal sized wasps suddenly intercepted dragon, the two of them holding onto spidersilk that dangled a tiny fly zapper.
I zap that fly zapper and it immediately became full sized- which means relative to us, it was GIGANTIC.
Right in time for Dragon to smack into it in midair, electronics shorting out as she fizzled. I see a couple of robotic limbs blackened and twist with a screech and burst of showering sparks.
Then gravity happened and Dragon and the Full Sized Fly Zapper dropped like flies to explode somewhere on the road below.
Boo yeah! Hasta la Vista, baby!
"Mission accomplished Skitter, how's things on your end?"
"I completely destroyed the highway and the PRT have beaten a retreat. Capes might be incoming- I am going to order all of my Giant Bugs to commit suicide now."
We decided ahead of time it was too dangerous to leave Giant Bugs around anywhere. They were now probably cannibalizing each other.
Nice and clean.
"Alright, see you back at base."
I turned back to Paige, "So....you like vegetarian food?"
Last edited:
Interlude Morgan Freeman
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Interlude Morgan Freeman
I approached the Golden Man.
"So...have you taken my proposal into consideration?"
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
UNCERTAIN
"That's alright, what I am saying sounds crazy, too good to be true, but think about it...to delay entropy by that much more...it's not the answer to the cycle, but it'll buy precious time for the rest of your species and those Incubators a couple of universes over in solving the one ultimate problem. What say you?"
HESITANT
FEAR
"Yes, it'll shorten your lifespan considerably...maybe even cost your life. But the cycle is already doomed, your mate is dead. So why not do this good thing for once?"
SORROW
"Come on Zion, I have faith you."
RESIGNATION
ACCEPTANCE
"Good. The tools you need are already on this particular instance of Earth. In fact, all you have to do is observe...and eventually you'll understand."
The Golden Man turned around and continue observing the exploding volcano- safely trapped within a forcefield he had thrown up to prevent it from destroying the city nearby.
I quietly left.
Mission accomplished.
I approached the Golden Man.
"So...have you taken my proposal into consideration?"
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
UNCERTAIN
"That's alright, what I am saying sounds crazy, too good to be true, but think about it...to delay entropy by that much more...it's not the answer to the cycle, but it'll buy precious time for the rest of your species and those Incubators a couple of universes over in solving the one ultimate problem. What say you?"
HESITANT
FEAR
"Yes, it'll shorten your lifespan considerably...maybe even cost your life. But the cycle is already doomed, your mate is dead. So why not do this good thing for once?"
SORROW
"Come on Zion, I have faith you."
RESIGNATION
ACCEPTANCE
"Good. The tools you need are already on this particular instance of Earth. In fact, all you have to do is observe...and eventually you'll understand."
The Golden Man turned around and continue observing the exploding volcano- safely trapped within a forcefield he had thrown up to prevent it from destroying the city nearby.
I quietly left.
Mission accomplished.
Last edited:
Chapter 8: Shit Hit the Fans
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Chapter 8: Shit Hit the Fans
My house was gone.
I mean it was destroyed. Totaled. A complete wreck.
And steel spires jutted out of the wreckage like the wicked crown of some Titanic God.
Police vehicles surrounded the place, yellow tape cordoned off everything. PRT sedans are nearby too.
What the fuck.
I ducked back into the alley where the tiny Skitter and tiny Paige were waiting.
"This is fucked up, what happened?" I asked myself.
Skitter spoke up, "I- I think it might be Kaiser. I mean, just look at those steel spires! That's totally him."
I scoffed, "Kaiser shouldn't be able to turn back to normal sizedness though, I nailed him with a permanent beam!"
And I was so looking forward to another session of our D&D mission.
After Kaiser fall of the the bridge, I had his unconscious body captured by a nymph and brought to a secluded area where he shall wait for his inevitable reintroduction into the campaign as a miraculous resurrection by Odin. Hookwolf and Victor would have to journey alone for a bit.
We kind of forgot about them for a day (well, we left cookie crumbs to feed them- we're not monsters!) while planning this operation and I may or may not have pulled a certain side mission to screw over Sophia Hess- I was gonna tell Taylor about it later, but I probably shouldn't tell her I broke yet another law without her knowledge- but now there's this whole Nazis destroyed my home situation we are in.
Bastards.
"Okay, Skitter, Paige, for the time being, we're going to stay tiny. It's the safest thing to do. Presumably Kaiser, Hookwolf and Victor are out there, tiny or not. Also, our secret identities are totally compromised now."
Taylor groaned, "Fuck, Dad, this is why we should've been careful. I mean, capturing supervillains and bringing them to our house...or actually come to think of it, we just became enemies of the law by freeing a fugitive...what were you thinking?"
Paige whimpered guiltily. But my daughter's words struck a chord with my conscience.
She was right. Just what the hell was I thinking? Come to think of it, didn't the Pyms Particles fuck with brain chem-
What was I thinking?
"It's okay Taylor, we'll figure out a way. We have the best superpowers ever. We could be kings and queens of our own little insect colony with none the wiser....oh my god that's it! Taylor! We'll take refuge amongst the ants!"
And so, we march forward to the nearest anthill (which really, was just a crack in the side of the wall).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Every ant was dead. The entire colony was utterly silent as we walked through the gutted corpses of millions, my helmet flashlight leading the way.
"Holy shit" was all Taylor could say. She told me something was off when she couldn't feel the ants inside the colony.
Now we know why.
Paige was shivering in horror and disgust at the coiled guts of a nearby insect.
I spotted something, I pointed at it, "look!"
Taylor and Paige walked up to my side.
It was a Silver Worm. In fact, it was a Metal Worm. Some kind of an insect sized robot? It seemed a dozen ants had died taking it down, one of the dead soldier ants had it's mandibles clasped around the Metal Worm's midsection, biting deeply into it.
"What is that dad?"
I didn't have an answer, although a terrifying sinking feeling coursed through my body. Pieces began falling into place.
I went forward and poked at it. It deflated. Like...like some kind of metal skin.
Skin.
A horrible suspicion suddenly filled my mind.
"Aw shit. Taylor, we need to leave, NOW"
A metallic clang resounded behind us.
And a roiling coiling screeching sounded around us, like an engine revving up, an eerie red glow bathed the tunnel we are in as everything began to shake.
"RUN!" I yelled, right before the roof exploded as the gaping maw of a Steel Worm appeared, easily five times the size of the dead skin it left behind.
"YELLOW MAN, YOU ARE DEAD!", Kaiser's all too familiar voice issued from within.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: And my idiocy comes back to bite me in the ass. Dun dun dun. Also, going to change the Chapter 1 title and the timeline a bit. A month is a bit too long, I am going to retcon it so that the Sophia Hess lobotomy mission took place shortly after I self inserted into the story rather than a month later.
My house was gone.
I mean it was destroyed. Totaled. A complete wreck.
And steel spires jutted out of the wreckage like the wicked crown of some Titanic God.
Police vehicles surrounded the place, yellow tape cordoned off everything. PRT sedans are nearby too.
What the fuck.
I ducked back into the alley where the tiny Skitter and tiny Paige were waiting.
"This is fucked up, what happened?" I asked myself.
Skitter spoke up, "I- I think it might be Kaiser. I mean, just look at those steel spires! That's totally him."
I scoffed, "Kaiser shouldn't be able to turn back to normal sizedness though, I nailed him with a permanent beam!"
And I was so looking forward to another session of our D&D mission.
After Kaiser fall of the the bridge, I had his unconscious body captured by a nymph and brought to a secluded area where he shall wait for his inevitable reintroduction into the campaign as a miraculous resurrection by Odin. Hookwolf and Victor would have to journey alone for a bit.
We kind of forgot about them for a day (well, we left cookie crumbs to feed them- we're not monsters!) while planning this operation and I may or may not have pulled a certain side mission to screw over Sophia Hess- I was gonna tell Taylor about it later, but I probably shouldn't tell her I broke yet another law without her knowledge- but now there's this whole Nazis destroyed my home situation we are in.
Bastards.
"Okay, Skitter, Paige, for the time being, we're going to stay tiny. It's the safest thing to do. Presumably Kaiser, Hookwolf and Victor are out there, tiny or not. Also, our secret identities are totally compromised now."
Taylor groaned, "Fuck, Dad, this is why we should've been careful. I mean, capturing supervillains and bringing them to our house...or actually come to think of it, we just became enemies of the law by freeing a fugitive...what were you thinking?"
Paige whimpered guiltily. But my daughter's words struck a chord with my conscience.
She was right. Just what the hell was I thinking? Come to think of it, didn't the Pyms Particles fuck with brain chem-
What was I thinking?
"It's okay Taylor, we'll figure out a way. We have the best superpowers ever. We could be kings and queens of our own little insect colony with none the wiser....oh my god that's it! Taylor! We'll take refuge amongst the ants!"
And so, we march forward to the nearest anthill (which really, was just a crack in the side of the wall).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Every ant was dead. The entire colony was utterly silent as we walked through the gutted corpses of millions, my helmet flashlight leading the way.
"Holy shit" was all Taylor could say. She told me something was off when she couldn't feel the ants inside the colony.
Now we know why.
Paige was shivering in horror and disgust at the coiled guts of a nearby insect.
I spotted something, I pointed at it, "look!"
Taylor and Paige walked up to my side.
It was a Silver Worm. In fact, it was a Metal Worm. Some kind of an insect sized robot? It seemed a dozen ants had died taking it down, one of the dead soldier ants had it's mandibles clasped around the Metal Worm's midsection, biting deeply into it.
"What is that dad?"
I didn't have an answer, although a terrifying sinking feeling coursed through my body. Pieces began falling into place.
I went forward and poked at it. It deflated. Like...like some kind of metal skin.
Skin.
A horrible suspicion suddenly filled my mind.
"Aw shit. Taylor, we need to leave, NOW"
A metallic clang resounded behind us.
And a roiling coiling screeching sounded around us, like an engine revving up, an eerie red glow bathed the tunnel we are in as everything began to shake.
"RUN!" I yelled, right before the roof exploded as the gaping maw of a Steel Worm appeared, easily five times the size of the dead skin it left behind.
"YELLOW MAN, YOU ARE DEAD!", Kaiser's all too familiar voice issued from within.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: And my idiocy comes back to bite me in the ass. Dun dun dun. Also, going to change the Chapter 1 title and the timeline a bit. A month is a bit too long, I am going to retcon it so that the Sophia Hess lobotomy mission took place shortly after I self inserted into the story rather than a month later.
Last edited:
Omake: Bond Villain
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Coil sneezes violently.
"Is everything alright sir?"
Coil waved off Igor, "Yes, yes, just slight allergies-"
Igor suddenly peeled off his face to reveal Tom Cruise!
"Die snake bastard!" Tom Cruise stabbed Coil.
Coil grunted, "Oh, I am slain! I shouldn't have left you alive, however did thou escape the Laser Sharks!?"
Tom shrugged, "I climbed out of the pool"
DUN DUN DUN.
Coil dies.
Chapter 9: That Escalated Quickly
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Chapter 9: That Escalated Quickly
I could only think of one way to save our collective asses right now.
I zapped the girls with the growth beam and cranked my size shift device, returning us all to full size.
BAM.
Out of the concrete there were three persons buried halfway into the ground. The torsos of Taylor, Paige and I were arrayed around each other in a triangular fashion. Taylor spit out a mouthful of dirt.
"Thank God you-"
There was rumbling and the building we were next to exploded in a shower of rubble as the towering form of Worm-Kaiser reached into the sky, the width of his body easily the size of a house.
Holy shit.
"HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU CHANGING SIZES!?" I screamed at him.
Kaiser opened his maw, an orange glow burning from within and lurched at us.
An explosion went off in his face, making him flinch back. I looked over, the PRT agents near my house was shouting and aiming RPGs at Kaiser.
I primed my beams and zapped Kaiser.
Nothing happened.
OH SHIT.
Change of plans. I zapped the girls again and we quickly became ant sized.
Taylor summoned her dragonflies and we made quick our escape away from the area.
Let the PRT deal with the situation, surely the Protectorate can contain Kaiser!
Kaiser opened his maw and fired an orange beam at the agents shooting at him- vapourizing them, the concrete beneath them, and everything else in that beam's line of sight in an instant, carving a laceration diagonally into the street over, before veering off into the distance as Kaiser tilted his head higher and higher- and a massive explosion happened far away to the horizon near the city proper- downtown I think, an orange dome of energy spreading out.
I could feel the heated wind being displaced by that blast even all the way here.
Holy shit. There's no way the protectorate can contain Kaiser now, he's Lung pre-ramped up to Kaiju.
A surviving PRT agent screamed into his radio: "It's a fucking Endbringer class threat!"
The Endbringer Alarms went off.
Kaiser laughed, an inhuman undertone to his voice reverberating from within that throat of his.
"NONE CAN STOP ME!"
And to my horror, he doubled his size.
It was at that moment I realized something: Kaiser can use the Pym Particles.
"We're fucked", the only woman not related to me commented.
Why yes Paige, we are.
-------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Sorry for some of my very short chapters, but I literally write whenever I can during my busy schedule, so...
I could only think of one way to save our collective asses right now.
I zapped the girls with the growth beam and cranked my size shift device, returning us all to full size.
BAM.
Out of the concrete there were three persons buried halfway into the ground. The torsos of Taylor, Paige and I were arrayed around each other in a triangular fashion. Taylor spit out a mouthful of dirt.
"Thank God you-"
There was rumbling and the building we were next to exploded in a shower of rubble as the towering form of Worm-Kaiser reached into the sky, the width of his body easily the size of a house.
Holy shit.
"HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU CHANGING SIZES!?" I screamed at him.
Kaiser opened his maw, an orange glow burning from within and lurched at us.
An explosion went off in his face, making him flinch back. I looked over, the PRT agents near my house was shouting and aiming RPGs at Kaiser.
I primed my beams and zapped Kaiser.
Nothing happened.
OH SHIT.
Change of plans. I zapped the girls again and we quickly became ant sized.
Taylor summoned her dragonflies and we made quick our escape away from the area.
Let the PRT deal with the situation, surely the Protectorate can contain Kaiser!
Kaiser opened his maw and fired an orange beam at the agents shooting at him- vapourizing them, the concrete beneath them, and everything else in that beam's line of sight in an instant, carving a laceration diagonally into the street over, before veering off into the distance as Kaiser tilted his head higher and higher- and a massive explosion happened far away to the horizon near the city proper- downtown I think, an orange dome of energy spreading out.
I could feel the heated wind being displaced by that blast even all the way here.
Holy shit. There's no way the protectorate can contain Kaiser now, he's Lung pre-ramped up to Kaiju.
A surviving PRT agent screamed into his radio: "It's a fucking Endbringer class threat!"
The Endbringer Alarms went off.
Kaiser laughed, an inhuman undertone to his voice reverberating from within that throat of his.
"NONE CAN STOP ME!"
And to my horror, he doubled his size.
It was at that moment I realized something: Kaiser can use the Pym Particles.
"We're fucked", the only woman not related to me commented.
Why yes Paige, we are.
-------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Sorry for some of my very short chapters, but I literally write whenever I can during my busy schedule, so...
Last edited:
apeljohn
Non-Player Character
- Location
- Earth Aleph
That makes too much sense to not be where the author was planning to take this. Good spot!
(And if Numen wasn't planning to use this plot, he probably is now
)
Interlude Legend
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Interlude Legend
"These are delicious Arthur", I complimented my Husband, who beamed me with a heart-melting smile.
"I try- it's the least I can do, what with your heroics keeping us all safe"
"I wish I can be home more often, honestly, but-"
"It's alright, we understand, don't we Keith?"
"Yeah Dad!", Keith nodded in understanding. Bright boy. Knew we picked out the right kid at the orphanage. Cause if we had picked out an idiot, I would've sent him right back. Or hoist him off to Eidolon, God knows the man needed some human contact.
I turned and looked outside the window showing the glorious New York cityscape.
"Today's a quiet day", I commented.
Arthur jolted.
"Wait, don't-"
I continued, "let's hope it stays that way, and no huge, unexpected emergency happens"
Arthur groaned and palmed his face.
Did I do something wrong?
My PRT issued mobile phone blared with the Endbringer Alert ringtone.
Fuck.
I picked up the phone, "Legend speaking, what's going on?"
It was Alexandria.
"Think Tank indicates that Kaiser had a motherfucking second trigger, and he's now doing a good imitation of Lung ramped way up!"
Double Fuck.
"How bad is it?"
"Half of Brockton Bay is a smoking crater. Kaiser is a blaster now too. Blaster 10."
Triple fuck.
"I am on my way", I shut off the phone and looked apologetically at Arthur and Keith.
"Daddy's got to save the Nazi Capital of the USA."
Arthur just nodded in acceptance, "Go show 'em who's the pimp!"
"I am the Pimp" I declared confidently.
I quickly went to my room, change into my costume and turned myself into glimmering rainbow.
"I am Legend. I am Faster than light", I whispered to myself. Man, I am so cool.
I blasted away at the speed of light, the world disappeared into a blur of colours.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I landed at the designated emergency headquarter for the combined Anti-Kaiser forces nigh instantaneously, it was less than a second after I left my apartment in New York. FTL for the win, baby!
Armsmaster saluted me, "Sir!"
"Is everyone gathered?"
"Affirmative"
Goddammit Colin, would it kill you to speak like a human being?
I marched right inside and found the room filled up with capes. Protectorate capes, New Wave, The Merchants, The ABB, a couple of rogues and independent villains...and the Empire Eighty Eight. Oh this was going to be awkward.
They parted to let me through as I went up to a podium.
There was a crack of displaced air as Alexandria and Strider suddenly appeared.
She nodded at me.
I turned around and the room quieted down as they waited to hear my address.
"Ladies and Gentleman, and whatever other gender you identify with-"
Everyone groaned at my sudden insertion of gender politics into the situation- hey, I gotta do my part right?
"- the threat we are facing is near to that of an Endbringer level threat. If you didn't already know, Kaiser second triggered and is now on a mad, power fueled rampage through the Bay. I am sure Alexandria has more information on this threat we are now facing."
Rebecca stepped up and spoke, "Indeed I do, Kaiser- we're designating him as NIDHOGG, is now a giant metal worm that can fire blasts of high energy, vaporizing anything with it's intense heat. He's also apparently doubled his size since he began his rampage in the suburbs. We can only assume he will continue to escalate unless we can stop him."
I took over, "And we will stop him. For all of his power, Ka-Nidhogg is not an Endbringer. We have a good chance to put him out of his misery."
The Empire capes look really uncomfortable.
"If anyone has problems fighting Kaiser, you can sit out of this fight. But don't interfere, understand?", that last part was directed at the Empire capes, who growled.
Purity stepped forward, "We'll fight, it's clear to us that Kaiser has lost his mind"
Krieg nodded in understanding.
Alexandria spoke up, "A kill order was approved not ten minutes ago, so don't hesitate, got it?"
There was a rumble of "yes" and "understood" and a solitary "affirmative" (goddamit Colin!) amongst the crowd.
I raised my voice, "Alright! Everyone, divide into-"
An orange inferno bisected the building we were in, killing the capes in our way.
Nidhogg was here! A terrible rumbling could be heard as the Monstrous Cape approached.
A terrifying roar.
"You spent too much time talking you idiot!", yelled one of the Villain Thinkers (Tattletale I think- I was briefed on her file a couple months ago).
I didn't deign to reply, I simply raised my hand and said, "Pew Pew Lasers!"
A kaleidoscope of high powered light bursted from my glorious body like some kind of bullet hell game, it completely destroyed the rest of the building, revealing the blue sky. The lasers curved and homed in on the approaching Nidhogg.
God damn was he ugly.
The lasers blasted into him, puncturing his metallic body.
Guess he wasn't invulnerable afterall, ha!
Wait- what the fuck!
Nidhogg shed his skin- revealing a pristine clean, 100% regenerated body underneath.
Holy shit.
And then he doubled his size.
"KILL HIM, KILL HIM NOW! We can't let him double his size again!", was Alexandria's scream as she rocketed towards the beast, flying capes pouring after her, including a determined looking Purity.
I grimaced and flew after them.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: I updated the thread title. Yes, I now acknowledge that this is crack. Readers who value literature and their sanity can avoid being harmed by miscommunication.
"These are delicious Arthur", I complimented my Husband, who beamed me with a heart-melting smile.
"I try- it's the least I can do, what with your heroics keeping us all safe"
"I wish I can be home more often, honestly, but-"
"It's alright, we understand, don't we Keith?"
"Yeah Dad!", Keith nodded in understanding. Bright boy. Knew we picked out the right kid at the orphanage. Cause if we had picked out an idiot, I would've sent him right back. Or hoist him off to Eidolon, God knows the man needed some human contact.
I turned and looked outside the window showing the glorious New York cityscape.
"Today's a quiet day", I commented.
Arthur jolted.
"Wait, don't-"
I continued, "let's hope it stays that way, and no huge, unexpected emergency happens"
Arthur groaned and palmed his face.
Did I do something wrong?
My PRT issued mobile phone blared with the Endbringer Alert ringtone.
Fuck.
I picked up the phone, "Legend speaking, what's going on?"
It was Alexandria.
"Think Tank indicates that Kaiser had a motherfucking second trigger, and he's now doing a good imitation of Lung ramped way up!"
Double Fuck.
"How bad is it?"
"Half of Brockton Bay is a smoking crater. Kaiser is a blaster now too. Blaster 10."
Triple fuck.
"I am on my way", I shut off the phone and looked apologetically at Arthur and Keith.
"Daddy's got to save the Nazi Capital of the USA."
Arthur just nodded in acceptance, "Go show 'em who's the pimp!"
"I am the Pimp" I declared confidently.
I quickly went to my room, change into my costume and turned myself into glimmering rainbow.
"I am Legend. I am Faster than light", I whispered to myself. Man, I am so cool.
I blasted away at the speed of light, the world disappeared into a blur of colours.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I landed at the designated emergency headquarter for the combined Anti-Kaiser forces nigh instantaneously, it was less than a second after I left my apartment in New York. FTL for the win, baby!
Armsmaster saluted me, "Sir!"
"Is everyone gathered?"
"Affirmative"
Goddammit Colin, would it kill you to speak like a human being?
I marched right inside and found the room filled up with capes. Protectorate capes, New Wave, The Merchants, The ABB, a couple of rogues and independent villains...and the Empire Eighty Eight. Oh this was going to be awkward.
They parted to let me through as I went up to a podium.
There was a crack of displaced air as Alexandria and Strider suddenly appeared.
She nodded at me.
I turned around and the room quieted down as they waited to hear my address.
"Ladies and Gentleman, and whatever other gender you identify with-"
Everyone groaned at my sudden insertion of gender politics into the situation- hey, I gotta do my part right?
"- the threat we are facing is near to that of an Endbringer level threat. If you didn't already know, Kaiser second triggered and is now on a mad, power fueled rampage through the Bay. I am sure Alexandria has more information on this threat we are now facing."
Rebecca stepped up and spoke, "Indeed I do, Kaiser- we're designating him as NIDHOGG, is now a giant metal worm that can fire blasts of high energy, vaporizing anything with it's intense heat. He's also apparently doubled his size since he began his rampage in the suburbs. We can only assume he will continue to escalate unless we can stop him."
I took over, "And we will stop him. For all of his power, Ka-Nidhogg is not an Endbringer. We have a good chance to put him out of his misery."
The Empire capes look really uncomfortable.
"If anyone has problems fighting Kaiser, you can sit out of this fight. But don't interfere, understand?", that last part was directed at the Empire capes, who growled.
Purity stepped forward, "We'll fight, it's clear to us that Kaiser has lost his mind"
Krieg nodded in understanding.
Alexandria spoke up, "A kill order was approved not ten minutes ago, so don't hesitate, got it?"
There was a rumble of "yes" and "understood" and a solitary "affirmative" (goddamit Colin!) amongst the crowd.
I raised my voice, "Alright! Everyone, divide into-"
An orange inferno bisected the building we were in, killing the capes in our way.
Nidhogg was here! A terrible rumbling could be heard as the Monstrous Cape approached.
A terrifying roar.
"You spent too much time talking you idiot!", yelled one of the Villain Thinkers (Tattletale I think- I was briefed on her file a couple months ago).
I didn't deign to reply, I simply raised my hand and said, "Pew Pew Lasers!"
A kaleidoscope of high powered light bursted from my glorious body like some kind of bullet hell game, it completely destroyed the rest of the building, revealing the blue sky. The lasers curved and homed in on the approaching Nidhogg.
God damn was he ugly.
The lasers blasted into him, puncturing his metallic body.
Guess he wasn't invulnerable afterall, ha!
Wait- what the fuck!
Nidhogg shed his skin- revealing a pristine clean, 100% regenerated body underneath.
Holy shit.
And then he doubled his size.
"KILL HIM, KILL HIM NOW! We can't let him double his size again!", was Alexandria's scream as she rocketed towards the beast, flying capes pouring after her, including a determined looking Purity.
I grimaced and flew after them.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: I updated the thread title. Yes, I now acknowledge that this is crack. Readers who value literature and their sanity can avoid being harmed by miscommunication.
Last edited:
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
That makes too much sense to not be where the author was planning to take this. Good spot!
(And if Numen wasn't planning to use this plot, he probably is now
I had initially considered it while they were in the ant colony, but thought that was totally a cop out to not write a good fight scene. So I copped out by having me return everyone back to full size instead.
Rest assured, Paige will have a chance to use her powers soon. Maybe. No one can know what direction I take my story. Not even I know! It's all SPONTANEOUS! (therein lies true genius)
Thank you for the kind compliments. May much more dumb things be written, read and commented upon in the near future.
Interlude Coil
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
Interlude Coil
The underground base was torn open, revealed to the public by Kaiser's rampage not a moment ago as he headed deeper into the heart of the city. There were cracks and openings everywhere.
I stared at the damaged vault that once contained Noelle. It was empty.
"Fuck"
The underground base was torn open, revealed to the public by Kaiser's rampage not a moment ago as he headed deeper into the heart of the city. There were cracks and openings everywhere.
I stared at the damaged vault that once contained Noelle. It was empty.
"Fuck"
Numen
Long Time Creeper
- Location
- Canada
I realized that. But eh...that's how it played out. Maybe I will explain why. Or maybe I won't. Depends on the flow of the story. Which is semi crack btw.
My Legend is not professional. He all about relaxin'. Colin would appear unbearably stiff to Legend despite trying to be professional.
TanaNari
Verified Dick
Dude. It's a goddamn crack fic. Do you also go to bars and complain that they sell alcohol?
- Location
- Little Rock, AR
I don't drink at all. But I do go to resturaunts and complain when they get the order and have it undercooked.
The Joke fell flat in the presence of the canon responses and situations lacking cleverness, time, or even an internal will to live in the characters or and apropriiate application of memes. Thus the chapter was poor. It's crack and thus meant to be funny.
TanaNari
Verified Dick
Yeah. But to make the analogy *accurate*... you'd have to be going to a sushi restaurant. And then complaining that the sashimi (which is delicious, by the way) is undercooked.
This story is weird and random and half baked and makes no goddamn sense. And that's what makes it fun to read. It's like ATHF or FLCL. You're supposed to revel in the weirdness.
Also, if you don't like it, why are you constantly showing up to bitch instead of, y'know, just not reading it at all? Which is totally a thing you can do with no effort whatsoever. Or- and this is a truly novel concept- writing something better?
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