Let's Play Every Final Fantasy Game In Order Of Release [Now Playing: Final Fantasy IX]

THE GRAND PRIZE IS AN ASSAULT RIFLE!?

It's a fucking Pastel Colored AK-47. What the hell. What is the item description for this goddamned thing?

Enchanted Machinegun: "Guns of this type are said to have been used aboard airships in the days of yore. Their bullets could be used for different purposes, depending on the magick with which they were infused."

I've completely forgotten the mechanics of these Errands, so I have a potentially silly question: is this an actual piece of equipment, or is it just a symbolic reward game-mechanically? Can Mustadio use this AK-47?

Also pedantically I'm a little curious what the Japanese term for "machinegun" is here, because that's clearly an assault rifle that may or may not be select-fire, but if it's actually fully automatic it would use up that magazine in like five seconds. It also looks noticeably smaller than actual machine guns. Chances are it's just 機関銃, "kikanjuu", which is literally "mechanical gun", and could plausibly be used to describe any modern firearm.

Swordsman: "Do not play the fool with me, Mustadio! Do you forget that we hold your father? It's simple. Give us the auracite, and your father lives." [There is no response.] "Right, then. Seize him!"
[Mustadio clambers up the wall.]
Mustadio: "I have a message for your keeper, Ludovich! Tell him that if he lays so much as a finger on my father, he'll never see the auracite again!"

"Auracite" is probably one of the terms standardized from the current Square Enix translation/style guide, applied across games. The Japanese term is 聖石, "seiseki", which translates as "holy stone". For another possibly connected example, "magicite" (as seen in FFVI) is 魔石, "maseki", which means "magic stone", with the additional context of 魔 also being used for "demon". ("Magic" in Japanese, "魔法", is literally "demon method".)

So I'm not sure if this is just the original writers going "let's put 'holy' and 'stone' together as a name", or if there is an actual reference and counterpart to magicite, if only in the easter egg meta-reference sense.

Also the dialogue just before this in Japanese doesn't have the Swordsman mention auracite. He just goes "give it to us!" and Mustadio goes "It? What is it? What are you talking about?" Since the dialogue immediately names "Auracite" (emphasized via punctuation in Japanese), it's probably just a minor Dramatic Reveal of the term that doesn't need to be drawn out in the English translation.

First Strike is an ability that advertises itself as a kind of preemptive Counter - you hit before the enemy's attack. The benefit seems marginal, but the potential of killing an opponent before they complete their attack seems nice enough that I decide to go for it anyway.

I admit defeat on trying to figure out the literal translation from the Japanese. The ability name is ハメドる, "hamedo-ru", and I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. It's also a little risky to Google it up, because the first two katakana is a common term for, er, the act of copulation.

This is not as surprising as it would be if we hadn't just completed that errant and landed the ancient magical AR-15. But it is pretty surprising. I think this is the first appearance of the Machinist class in FF history, which would go on to become one of FFXIV's many jobs.

I think it is, although the "Machinist" Job would get backported as Edgar's Job class in newer remasters of FFVI. Which matches with many of FFXIV MCH's abilities being from Edgar's Tools.

The Japanese name for the Job is 機工士, which is "machine work user". (The first kanji is the same as the first kanji for "machine gun" above.)

Mustadio: "Street dogs running for the Baert Trading Company."
Agrias: "*The* Baert Trading Company?"

The Japanese name for "Baert" is simply バート. Which is commonly the transliteration for "Bart". Possibly "Baert" is the fancy version and short for "Baertholaemeau".

The company is referred to as バート商会, "Baert Company", and their business is 貿易商, which is usually translated as "trader" but intended to mean "trade in foreign goods". The translation seems to combine that into "Baert Trading Company", possibly because going "The Baert Company, the company that trades" is redundant.

Mustadio thanks the princess profusely, Agrias tells him to mind his manners and he hurriedly kneels, and Ovelia tells him there's no need, and for everyone to rise.

You know, I wonder. To what exchange has Ovelia ever actually seen her privilege in action? She's nobility by birth, royalty by adoption, but she has (as we'll soon see) been raised in a monastery shut off from the world. Is she actually used to that level of deference and to people treating her orders with such obedience? She might not even fully understand the power she's been endowed with, even though she can't escape its consequences.

It's interesting to ponder, because while Ovelia acts quite humble and kind, she also clearly knows how to say the proper words for the occasions when she is being shown deference. The WotL translation's high style suits her well, and she speaks with a sort of learned formality. Ovelia talks like she had etiquette drilled into her, but specifically the etiquette of a noble lady, with retainers and servants, rather than the etiquette of a servant (or a lay sister in a convent, for that matter).

Just from her speech style, Ovelia sounds like the character archetype of a kind and empathetic noble lady who is used to her privileged station, but never abuses it, and indeed tries to make everyone else feel at ease while never dropping her polite formality. When considered in the context of her history of being shut inside a monastery/convent for most of her life, I begin to speculate Ovelia might not have personal experience with being shown deference, but she might have been prepared for that position through lessons and strict practice.

This interpretation might also be influenced by how Ovelia sounds a bit more casual, and certainly less formal (albeit still using a moderately high level of politeness), when talking to Agrias, and only to Agrias so far. Ovelia is clearly more comfortable with Agrias, while she still treats everyone else as basically strangers.

So Agrias is part of the Lionsguard. The Lionsguard are protector of the royal family. She always mentions loyalty to the Crown, casting it as opposed to loyalty to Duke Larg and Duke Goltanna.

But we know Duke Larg is a creature of Queen Louveria, and that 'removing' Ovelia from the line of succession is meant to secure Prince Orinus's claim to the throne.

So… what's going to happen when the Queen asks Agrias to kill the Princess in the name of the Prince? What happens when the Church does it? How far does Agrias's personal loyalty to Ovelia, as opposed to the Crown and the gods, go?

I suppose we'll find out eventually.

Yeah, it is probably deliberately vague what the "Crown" means when it comes to giving orders to the Lionsguard. Which probably matches RL history.

The term used is 王家, which is literally "king's house", and usually translated as "royal family". And as we've seen (in both English and Japanese), the term "family" is highly nebulous and elastic, so the Lionsguard and Agrias being loyal to "the royal family" is full of loopholes for what "loyal" and "royal family" might mean.

My read is Agrias considers "the Crown" as some sort of high Platonic ideal, more a concept than the actual royal family as currently exists. So she (at least in her mind) pledges her loyalty to what the royal family is supposed to be, rather than the messy reality of what it is. Just as she follows her own idea of what a "proper Knight" is, rather than what knights have actually been through the 50 Years War and the current civil war.

This runs into potential issues when Agrias extends this faith in the Crown as a given for other people, like Cardinal Delacroix. It sounds like she thinks Delacroix is just as loyal to the Ideal Crown as she is, when Delacroix might have other, more tarnished versions of the Crown he is loyal to.

I get the feeling Agrias is using her role as the Lionsguard protecting Ovelia, who is currently part of the "royal family", as a way to follow her own desire to protect Ovelia based on her personal admiration and closeness to Ovelia. So when Agrias talks about "loyalty to the Crown", she is likely subconsciously meaning "loyalty to the one specific portion of the Crown that is Princess Ovelia".

Long story short, they want us to hand over Mustadio, Agrias tells them to fuck off, engage battle.

This is especially amusing, because it is entirely accurate to what Agrias says.

The Sellsword (named as "Ludovich's Mercenary" in Japanese) goes "hand over Mustadio obediently and we won't have to get violent, how about that", and Agrias shoots back with "in that case, you will withdraw obediently, how about that".

And she does this still talking in the high Shakespearean style, while using the same phrasing as the rougher speech of the Sellsword. It's fun to read.

See, figuring out when exactly Alma was at Orbonne has always confused me.
In the first chapter Alma talks about how they are going to some school for noble girls, so why would she say she's also cloistered away her whole life at a monastery if she's put there after Ziekden?

I have the same question, honestly. Alma is friends with Ovelia during her time at Orbonne Monastery, and friends with Tietra in Chapter 1, and I can't really see Tietra being also at a monastery (Orbonne or otherwise) while experiencing the "commoner girl at a noble girl's school" stuff like being bullied.

And Alma and Tietra could take time off to visit home, possibly during school vacation, which put them in place for Tietra to be kidnapped at the end of Chapter 1. So Alma's claiming that she has always been in a monastery is immediately false.

The Japanese text is of no help; Ovelia's recounting of Alma also says Alma has been in monasteries her whole life (literally "since she was born"), so the translation is accurate.

Jokes aside, yes Tailwind is frankly a good reason to almost always have the Squire skillset equipped to Ramza, because speed boosting is always useful in a game like this with timers. I've had fights where Ramza just runs around Yelling (it was called Yell in the original translation and that sounds more hilarious for the joke) until he's getting 3-4 turns for every enemy turn and blitzing them to death.

On the one hand, the Japanese name for the ability is indeed a katakana transliteration of "yell".

On the other hand, katakana "yell" (エール) is interpreted more like cheer, as in "cheerleader".

So the mental image is not Ramza running around screaming like a drill sergeant, but rather Ramza bouncing around with pom-poms doing cheer routines.

Shiva: "Wind, fade to silence and light, give us power! Shiva!"

Shiva: "Wind, as it vanishes into the silence of the waves of light. Become our strength..." Very close. "Waves" here is 波動, which does directly translate to "wave movement", and is the same kanji as the famous "Wave Motion Cannon" or "Wave Motion Fist"/"Hadouken".
 
I never know what to do with Dragoons. Jump is great, and Dragonheart is pretty sick too, but it doesn't seem to combo particularly well with other skillsets.
Jump is very much a "boring but practical" skillset that's basically just an alternate attack command, kinda like how Aim is just "charge times for heavier hitting attacks". Both of them are (in theory, in practice Aim is trash) decent secondary skillsets to slap on whatever physical class just to open up slightly more combat options without getting too complicated or specific. There's probably better options depending on what you're going for, like Monk's versatility, but you can't really go wrong with giving Jump to someone.
I can't find a good joke which would justify the next video about the fact they put A GUN in the game in a full medieval game, so I am just posting the video dryly, already accepting my failure :


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w72gfLeJ7wg

Pictured: Mustadio VS Enemy Summoner, Colorized October 21 2024
 
Also pedantically I'm a little curious what the Japanese term for "machinegun" is here, because that's clearly an assault rifle that may or may not be select-fire, but if it's actually fully automatic it would use up that magazine in like five seconds. It also looks noticeably smaller than actual machine guns. Chances are it's just 機関銃, "kikanjuu", which is literally "mechanical gun", and could plausibly be used to describe any modern firearm.
It's called 魔シンガン.

Yes, my eyes have rolled out of my head from the wordplay.
 
I can't find a good joke which would justify the next video about the fact they put A GUN in the game in a full medieval game, so I am just posting the video dryly, already accepting my failure :


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w72gfLeJ7wg


Despite being knights lawfully serving the local lord, Ramza and Co had to buy their own supplies, including weapons and armor, from some merchants.

The game is clearly not medieval, just sparking early modern at best. Thus, guns are fine.
 
That first character is 'ma' as in 'mahou' as in 'magic/sorcery', but the remaining characters look like katakana, which is used for sounding out words phonetically, often used when a word isn't meant to be Japanese in the first place.

So it's 'ma-shin-gun' as in 'magic-shin-gan' as in 'magic machine gun'.
 
One of my FFT challenge runs was "Orator Ramza and his Chocobo herd", with Ramza only being able to use whatever the best weapon an Orator could equip at that part of the story was, the Persuade ability, and continually keeping the Squire Monster Skill ablity equipped. Because I'm not masochistic, I did allow Ramza to keep Item equipped but only learn Phoenix Down, and Auto-Potion as the reaction ability.

Some fights are tricky but it's surprisingly doable; Chocobos of various colors have decent healing and good attack 'spells', and you can save a low-health unit by jumping on and riding it so Ramza 'tanks' for it. It's just kind of boring, so I converted it to a Pokemon run of "any monster" halfway through.

How in the **** did you survive

Riovanes

?
 
I admit defeat on trying to figure out the literal translation from the Japanese. The ability name is ハメドる, "hamedo-ru", and I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. It's also a little risky to Google it up, because the first two katakana is a common term for, er, the act of copulation.

Google says it quite literally translates to "money dollar", although I find it somewhat doubtful. It also suggested "Fit dollar"

This character in particular ド Google tells me is most commonly used like we use "de" in old noble names, like "Adrian DE Carton Wiart" for example, although, again, could just be a Google fart. I personally barely know normal Japanese kanji, let alone katakana.

Edit: disregard it. I think I found it. It can also be written as ハメ撮り and as はめ撮り and according the Japan Dictionary, it means

"point-of-view pornography, gonzo pornography, pornography filmed by the actors themselves"
Or
"secret filming of sex"

DO NOT ask how the fuck that translates to a skill in FFT that pre-counters your enemies' melee attacks if successful, but it's probably some sort of in-joke.
 
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I personally suspect it's a mis-translation. The original Japanese term used here is セクタ, which is the translation for "sector". Which means the correct phrase might be "Sector 16 of Obell/Ovell Bay".

I've never heard of a body of water being divided into sectors, but hey, I'm not a mapmaker or naval officer, so it might even be true...
The (Imperial) German Navy did, at least prior to and during WWI. IIRC, they actually grid-squared the *entire ocean*, so you could radio, "Hey, I'm in Square ABC-#," and someone could cross-check and figure out where you were to within, like, fifty miles. Anywhere in the world.

I can't find a good joke which would justify the next video about the fact they put A GUN in the game in a full medieval game, so I am just posting the video dryly, already accepting my failure :
Having seen that once, at night, on TV, many years ago, I would like to thank you for the proof that my memories of 'dwarf wizard shoots his brother Hitler wizard' were not completely unfounded.
 


Once back in Zaland, we reunite with the team. They were once again successful and earned a new artifact, the…

Chocobo cannon..?

Ah, I see now how the ancients dealt with their chocobo infestation problems without needing to look them in their sad, soulful eyes every time they sent one away. Truly we have much to learn from their example.

Ovelia: "There was another girl at Orbonne. She told me she, too, had lived her entire life within monastery walls. We joked that we two should share so strange a fate. *sigh* A funny thing to laugh at, don't you think?"
Agrias: "You speak of Lady Alma, of House Beoulve."
Ovelia: "My only true friend. What if Cardinal Delacroix makes to use me, like all the rest?"

Dun dun duuuuuun, Ovelia was Alma's best friend all along!

God, okay, so Dycedarg and Zalbaag just foisted Alma off to a monastery after Ramza went AWOL. That's not the worst thing they could have done, and by the standards of their historical inspirations 'put inconvenient heir in a monastery' is like, pretty standard, but as brothers this is kind of a dick move.

I will be honest, the timeline here confused me a bit. It's mentioned that she was schooled with Tietra before The Incident, which I guess makes sense that tutoring would be done by the clergy, but it's odd phrasing that she's seen only monastery walls her whole life. I figured that she's been mostly free, until recently being shipped off to an out of the way monastery, but I guess it might've felt more stifling? Maybe I'm overthinking this one, or maybe it's on the translation a bit, it just took me a couple tries to fully parse this bit.

There's a very funny beat where Mustadio comes asking like 'yo Ramza what's up' and Ramza panics and tries to shut him, with some once again excellent sprite work:

Thankfully Agrias makes no comment as to Ramza's eavesdropping. Mustadio informs us that the Northern Sky hasn't reached Zaland, so we should be safe (ah! As if) on the road to Lionel, And Ramza notices Ovelia is doing something with these leaves she keeps picking from the tree.

God but the spritework continues to be endlessly amusing and fantastically done. Ramza even has a little shushing animation!

And I do love Agrias just standing there. You can feel the disappointment radiating off of her. For being a tactics game stuck in a mostly isometric perspective it has so much character to it, there was so much care that went into this game.


These two far-perspective pictures should hopefully give you an idea of the issue. The terrain is composed of one rocky spine with a valley on each side. In each valley is a summoner; they don't care about range upwards so being below us does not affect them. However, two Archers are parked on the peak of the spine, so if we go down to greet the Summoners, they will rain arrows down on us. Meanwhile, two Knights stand on each side, ready to fluidly intercept us - if we try to go after the Summoners they'll block us there, if we try to go after the Archers they'll meet in the middle.

I really admire how carefully crafted FFT's little combat scenarios are. For a game that only allows six units on each side and very short maps, there's a ton of care put into how these units cover for each other and interact with the terrain. That makes it a little more frustrating that these tools are denied the players by enforcing blind deployment in dogshit positions, but it is what it is.

The mechanical parity between your own units and enemies is part of why I love this game - just by fighting different encounters, you are able to learn more about your class choices and ways in which they can be used, as well as how they can be countered. Like summoners there, against an organized battle line keeping close they can unleash the fury of the heavens and rend them apart, but if that same group of enemies scatter across the map their large aoes quickly lose their effectiveness. All the while their long charge times leave them even more susceptible than most spellcasters to a shiv in the kidney, or indeed a gun to the face.

It really is a shame that you aren't given the ability to see maps in advance, and how your deployment areas are usually so small, because I'd love more options to set up intentional formations like this.

One is that he is so cold-blooded that he will simply enjoy a glass of wine while ordering fratricide, a classic supervillain move, showing his absolute ruthlessness and lack of moral qualms.

The other is that he needs to actually down a whole glass of liquor to steel his nerves after he's given the baleful order, because even he understands the enormity of what he's doing and he can't face it without some liquid courage.


What a piece of shit either way.

It's great as well because we know so little of him, really - as of now we're at about the same level of knowledge as Ramza. In act 1 we were of course more willing to look critically at his brothers' actions for hidden meaning, while Ramza was blinded by love and familial devotion. But now that he's seen what they're capable of, he doesn't know anything of their motivations, and neither do we.

For what it's worth, on the measure I'm more inclined towards the second reading of his actions here - a truly uncaring brother wouldn't spare much of a thought for Ramza learning of the "harsh truths" of the world and, presumably, then coming back to his side. Ramza's obviously a skilled fighter and commander, but there's no real indication that he's good enough to rate a softer hand just to get access to his strength. So I think there is a bit of Dycedarg hoping that Ramza would come back, and that none of this would be necessary, but that he's resolved to see his plans, whatever they are, through to the end.

You are right though in that he's still a piece of shit either way.

(Also, funny little beat that his table has two wine glasses, but he just pours for himself while Gaffgarion stands there. Par for the course for nobility, but still a nice little beat)

Also using Dragoon to implode people from eight tiles away is like, really fun. That is also an important takeaway from all this.

nods now you understand the power of Jump.

I really love Dragoon, and I wish their unlock tree was less nonsensical, because you're encouraged to use Dragoon in its weakest, least-jumpy form for as long as possible so you don't waste JP before you can big the big jumpies, because once it comes online it becomes a fantastically fun fighter and a great backline assassin
 
Google says it quite literally translates to "money dollar", although I find it somewhat doubtful. It also suggested "Fit dollar"

This character in particular ド Google tells me is most commonly used like we use "de" in old noble names, like "Adrian DE Carton Wiart" for example, although, again, could just be a Google fart. I personally barely know normal Japanese kanji, let alone katakana.

Edit: disregard it. I think I found it. It can also be written as ハメ撮り and as はめ撮り and according the Japan Dictionary, it means

"point-of-view pornography, gonzo pornography, pornography filmed by the actors themselves"
Or
"secret filming of sex"

DO NOT ask how the fuck that translates to a skill in FFT that pre-counters your enemies' melee attacks if successful, but it's probably some sort of in-joke.

In fairness, I did warn that Googling ハメ might be dangerous.

Picking apart ハメドる from what I know, the ending る in hiragana is one of those "to do (the action)" grammar endings for words. For example, 食べる for "to eat", or 逃げる for "to escape". And in the examples you found, 撮る means "to record (photos or videos)".

So ハメドる would work out to be "to Hamedo". And now we have to try to guess what the heck "Hamedo" is supposed to be as an action. It might not even be the full word; it could be an abbreviation or shortening of something else, like "Heartful Mental DonJuan" or something.

(We've already seen the alleged meaning of "SeeD" contain "elegant man" and "Danger zone", so Square Enix has prior offences.)

Hence translation programs not really helping much, as due to the nature of the Internet, if someone searches "ha me" in katakana, the more common assumption is they're looking for pornography or depictions thereof. As you've discovered, searching "ha me do ru" would have translation search engines go "ah, you mean ハメ撮り" ("ha me do ri", where り is the grammar ending for "is doing"), because that's what people search for when they want voyeur porn.

It's one of the pitfalls of an overall limited number of syllable sounds in a given language. "Hame" in general could be lots of other stuff, like 羽目, which is usually more fully 羽目板 ("hameita") and means "panelling"/"wainscotting" with long wooden boards set in parallel. Presumably more people are searching online for pornography than for interior decoration.
 
The Fandom Final Fantasy wiki provides the literal translation of Hamedoru as Panel Counter, fwiw. I have no idea how accurate that is, why Panel Counter of all possibilities, or how they got there.
 
I admit defeat on trying to figure out the literal ation from the Japanese. The ability name is , "hamedo-ru", and I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. It's also a little risky to Google it up, because the first two katakana is a common term for, er, the act of copulation.
beware Ramza's Premature Fist martial arts
The Japanese name for "Baert" is simply バート. Which is commonly the transliteration for "Bart". Possibly "Baert" is the fancy version and short for "Baertholaemeau".
I do kinda miss PSX's Bart Company.
I can't really see Tietra at a monastery (Orbonne or otherwise) while experiencing the "commoner girl at a noble girl's school" stuff like being bullied.
Speaking as someone who went to catholic school, those kids were meaner than any public school kids I ever met
 
The Fandom Final Fantasy wiki provides the literal translation of Hamedoru as Panel Counter, fwiw. I have no idea how accurate that is, why Panel Counter of all possibilities, or how they got there.
If we take what @Adloquium said about it also meaning "wooden panels", then the literal meaning of that skill would be something like "To Counter (an attack) with wooden panels", which is, uh, a choice, I suppose.
 
If we take what @Adloquium said about it also meaning "wooden panels", then the literal meaning of that skill would be something like "To Counter (an attack) with wooden panels", which is, uh, a choice, I suppose.

I admit if I were to initiate an attack on someone and they suddenly interrupted with "woe, tasteful oak boiserie be upon ye", I too would be so befuddled my attack would be negated, leaving me open for their counter.
 
This is made up for, however, by Mustadio finally feeling he's in a safe position and can retaliate instead of running away using potions…

…and so he starts blasting.
"As the founding fathers intended! GUN!"

(Trouble is not finding some quote to make into a chant ; it's choosing which one)
. Once again, the class themes - Mustadio is member of an important order that will likely shape the future with their new technology, but in the present he is just another commoner and even a man as wise and respected as (we are told) Cardinal Delacroix is would not grant him audience.
Samuel Colt's rolling in his grave.
 
Ok, i got an hypothesis.

If you search google for ハメド, just Hamedo without the last character, you will get a boatload of results of this guy:



This guy being Nassem Hamed, featherweight world champion from 1995 to 2000, apparently specially famous for his one-punch knockouts.

So yeah i am like 90% sure than ハメドる literally means "To do a Hamed"
 
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III. Chocobo Sadness
[…]




Will you dismiss me.... Really ?

....

There is the same thing in Tactic Ogre. And I fucking hate it. Specially when you are obliged to kick out a unit you have kept for a long time, like the "I miss everything but it's okay because I am fun and cute" Bob.
Hell is not enough as a punishment for the gamedev who has thought it was a good idea. Or give more space for my units ffs, I want to have an army, even if three quarters of my army is just partying at the camp when the rest does all the work.
 


Will you dismiss me.... Really ?

....

There is the same thing in Tactic Ogre. And I fucking hate it. Specially when you are obliged to kick out a unit you have kept for a long time, like the "I miss everything but it's okay because I am fun and cute" Bob.
Hell is not enough as a punishment for the gamedev who has thought it was a good idea. Or give more space for my units ffs, I want to have an army, even if three quarters of my army is just partying at the camp when the rest does all the work.
At least in FFT, there's no option to send monster party members to the butcher.
 
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