It seems like in the Retranslated mod, they went with the choice of having her use French loan words - 'au contraire' and 'c'est la vie,' phrases an English speaker might use but which I think convey something of the same idea.
A couple decades back when Spanish trucks with oranges were getting thrown out from France, there was a joke about those trashing the oranges also being the ladies in cologne ads; they could be saying something like "And stick the oranges up your asses! ... Paris ~" and still sound refined.
More on topic. How exactly is following the trace of the key supposed to work? What if anything tells you to search for the blacksmith or the sleeping dude? Because I see nothing about it and it's already pinching my "guide dang it" nerve.
A couple decades back when Spanish trucks with oranges were getting thrown out from France, there was a joke about those trashing the oranges also being the ladies in cologne ads; they could be saying something like "And stick the oranges up your asses! ... Paris ~" and still sound refined.
More on topic. How exactly does following the trace of the key supposed to work? What if anything tells you to search for the blacksmith or the sleeping dude? Because I see nothing about it and it's already pinching my "guide dang it" nerve.
The blacksmith is in a fairly open area, and I had already come across him in the past; when you do, he loudly complains about how if he had mythril he could make something cool.
So you are given an easy starting point for 'you should find mythril,' at least. But I have no idea how a player is meant to then follow that up to the conclusion of finding the dude in the cave and entering with the right number of encounters aside from pure chance.
If we're talking about language, I'm expecting a full writeup on how WW3 is currently starting online over the proper pronunciation of "Cait Sith" in Remake.
If we're talking about language, I'm expecting a full writeup on how WW3 is currently starting online over the proper pronunciation of "Cait Sith" in Remake.
If we're talking about language, I'm expecting a full writeup on how WW3 is currently starting online over the proper pronunciation of "Cait Sith" in Remake.
If we're talking about language, I'm expecting a full writeup on how WW3 is currently starting online over the proper pronunciation of "Cait Sith" in Remake.
You know, if I had a penny for every time final fantasy 7 cause an intense internet debate about a character's name, I'd have two pennies. Which isn't a lot, but it's strange that it happened twice.
The blacksmith is in a fairly open area, and I had already come across him in the past; when you do, he loudly complains about how if he had mythril he could make something cool.
So you are given an easy starting point for 'you should find mythril,' at least. But I have no idea how a player is meant to then follow that up to the conclusion of finding the dude in the cave and entering with the right number of encounters aside from pure chance.
Chocobuckle, which is a right pain to get. You need to get a Chocobo down to 1/32 of its max health without killing it or having it run away after eating a Mimett or Sylkis green. Realistically you need to use another Enemy Skill to get it, and it only deals 1 damage per escape so it's not really worth it.
Welcome back to Final Fantasy VII, the game where, for no particular reason, I feel like I should inform you that Cait Sith is pronounced "Ket Shee."
SO. BATTLE SQUARE.
Battle Square works in rounds. Each round, Cloud is confronted with a new encounter out of a set meant for that particular round. This is not strictly speaking single combat; in fact, it's more frequent for the game to throw multiple opponents at us.
This is typically manageable, because these opponents are fairly weak, but it can be tricky - for instance, here we rolled a kelpie-style monster and a frog, and the frog inflicts Toad on Cloud every time he gets hit, so we have to time killing it with its attack (because getting hit a second time reverses Toad) because if we somehow win the fight while Toadified we will get immediately obliterated on the next turn.
At the end of every turn, we get a choice: retire with our Battle Points, or continue. If we elect to continue, we have to go through… The slot machine.
At the end of every match, we spin a reel. The reel has three options on it (the reels are not the same from run to run, so you won't be getting the same options even on Round 1 from multiple battle square runs), we press OK to stop it, and then that option inflicts a handicap.
In the screenshot above, for instance, I've just beaten the 5th (out of a maximum of 8) round, so I've rolled for handicap a 5th time before the 6th round. The handicaps I rolled were, in order:
-HP: Cloud's HP is cut in half: This is my maximum HP reduced by half. While this is not much of an issue in the easier early rounds, rolling this once makes winning the final round extremely difficult, and rolling it twice essentially means we're doomed. I don't know that at the time, but I already lost the Battle Square on round 1.
-The boot: Cloud's speed is cut in half. This is mechanically similar to Slow, but is a separate effect from it; Slow is cumulative with it, and Haste does not cancel it but merely brings us back to normal speed for its duration. This is extremely painful.
-Lucky 7: No Handicap this round!
-Sword: Cloud's weapon is broken. His Attack damage sharply decreases (this doesn't disable Materias equipped into the weapon).
-0 MP: Cloud loses all his MP. Because this can be fixed with a single Turbo Ether at the start of the fight, it's not too much of a problem… Provided you can survive one round with your current handicaps.
Each handicap has a point value. I'm not exactly clear on how it works out math-wise, but early rounds give absolutely pathetic rewards (two-digit point counts in a system where prizes cost thousands), whereas late rounds give hundreds to thousands of points, and the worse the penalty, the more points you get - so for instance while Lucky 7 did spare us a handicap, it also doesn't give us any points for the final reward, making it a wash.
With Cloud at half max HP, his ATB gauge crippled, and his attacks laughably weak, I end up resorting to the simple strategy of spamming Leviathan at the start of every encounter, instantly killing all opponents. Easy!
Thanks, Yuffie's dad!
And then we hit Round 7, and my last two handicaps rolled are "Down 10 levels" (Cloud loses 10 levels' worth of damage to enemies) and Mini.
Then the final opponent appears in the form of a dragon, and Cloud dies instantly.
There's not really a 'fight' as such. I enter the battle with only half of Cloud's HP which is already low and I have my speed cut in half, so the dragon gets to go first and kills Cloud immediately before I get to do anything.
The correct choice here would have been to retire at the end of Round 7, but my reward for all that would have been 646 BP, which isn't enough to get anything valuable.
Dio actually expresses his disappointment that we couldn't do better, then reluctantly gives us the Keystone because he promised to do so, and then we're free to leave.
But, screw that. We're reloading and doing this again.
Our second run fares even worse. Let me walk you through the handicaps I've rolled:
Ring: Our accessory is broken. So, if we had, say, an item that protects against status effects, it would be disabled.
Clock: We suffer damage equal to 30 times the number of hours we've been playing the game. This is one of the easiest things to deal with, it's just a one-time damage effect, provided we can pop a X-Potion before the enemy kills us we're gold.
LV Arrow Down: We suffer a penalty of 5 levels. Again, this mostly just reduce the damage we inflict, so it's tolerable as long as we're not pushed below the "kill everything in one hit threshold."
MP: Maximum MP is cut in half. Not as much of a "get fucked this run is now unwinnable" effect as halved HP, but you can also roll it multiple times, it's also cumulative, and considering our only path to victory is Leviathan Spam, this can still bring us into "unwinnable" range.
Frog: We suffer the Toad effect at the start of the next battle.
Toad can be cured by a Maiden's Kiss item or a Remedy, or otherwise by casting Toad on self, and disables all our commands except Attack, Item, and casting Toad if we have it. I forgot to buy Maiden's Kisses. This means rolling Toad in the reel effectively means an instant loss. I can do nothing to my next opponent and they take turn hitting me for multiple hundreds of damage. The run is now unwinnable.
Of course, there are status protection items which can protect me from Toad… Except that I rolled the "Accessory Broken" result on the slots, meaning I didn't have that anymore.
So that's a crushing loss.
It's fine, we'll try again…
Killed by mushrooms.
What happened this time is that I rolled Slow as my first Handicap, then MP right before the mushroom fight. Because I rolled six opponents, even though each one is individually trivial, and because my speed was halved, they started hitting me for 300 damage ago while I spent my first action on a Turbo Ether, and then they hit me for six times 350+ damage, killing me before I could do anything.
There's a paradox here in that while Cloud is capable of tackling enemies appropriate to a full party while alone, a simple random encounter of six opponents that would be trivial for the group to solve can kill him in one turn simply because they each get one action and all attacks are directed against him alone instead of spread over three characters. Leviathan would solve this, but, well, if you roll 0 MP before the encounter starts…
This is an extremely funny run. Cloud lost 25 levels. Of course, these aren't "actual" level, he doesn't lose all his stats or his HP and MP, he 'merely' loses 25 levels' worth of attack growth, oh and also that yellow materia slot means my Command Materia is disabled, which means no more Enemy Skill, and this still might almost have been winnable but I rolled Half HP before the Dragon fight and it one-shot me before I could do anything.
Hell. I am in Hell.
Okay, so what's becoming clear is that the handicaps decide the run. They're not just a gimmick as I had initially expected, they define whether victory is at all possible. Several of them are run-enders, others are trivial, others merely complicate the picture. But because you get seven of them and they are random, victory feels much less dependent on my own skills or strategy than it does just… Rolling the right handicaps.
Like, there's nothing I can do if I roll Slow and two Half HP reels. I just die, that's it. If I had a Ribbon, some of the options might be more manageable, but even so I would be at the mercy of an Accessory Broken result, and I don't have a Ribbon in any event;
If only there was a way to control the outcome of the slots.
…
TURNS OUT, THERE IS.
This has to be a bug that hasn't been fixed in over twenty years, or something, but there is a way of controlling the slots. Specifically, if you press the [SWITCH] button, the reel freezes and disappears; you no longer see it on the screen, but it still 'exists' in a frozen state. This means that by rapidly tapping [SWITCH] you can 'slow down' the rhythm of the reel, and by pressing and holding [SWITCH] and then following with [OK] at the right time, you can, sorta, kinda, control the outcome.
As mentioned before, though, each reel has only three results. You can control the outcome of a given reel, but not which reel you are given. Oftentimes, this means you get your pick out of three bad choices. But this is still a considerable improvement over our prior situation, because it means we can strategize our handicaps!
Fun fact: It's possible to roll Half HP more than twice! Needless to say, this is another loss.
And after ten thousand hours… There it is.
My final roll going into the final fight is: Accessory broken (I don't care, the last opponent doesn't have status effects), Time-based damage (no problem), Cure (this is one of the rare beneficial 'handicaps,' which casts Cure on Cloud), 0 MP twice in a row (Turbo Ethers are there for that), Poison (sucks but I'll stomach it), and Broken Magic Materia. These are all excellent options in terms of winning the run; their Battle Point bonuses suck ass, but who cares, that's not why I'm here.
…
Actually, hold on. The wiki is kinda bad at explaining how the points total work, and I'm only now sorta figuring it out. And I need to walk you all through it, so those of you unfamiliar with FFVII grasp how insane the design is.
So: Before rolling the Broken Materia slot result, the game asked me if I wanted to continue to the final round, and told me I had 349 Battle Points. How did we get that specific number?
Well, each possible result has a BP value for the round on which you roll it.
That is to say, let's take that Ring slot, "Accessory Broken": It is worth 10 BP on the first round, and 953 BP on the seventh round. Now, you might think, "oh so if you quit the run at turn one it will only bring ten points, but if you quit at the seventh round it'll all add up together to over a thousand BP!"
No.
Here's how it works:
I rolled Accessory Broken, Round 1. That is worth 10 BP.
I rolled Time Damage, Round 2. That is worth 15 BP.
I rolled Cure, Round 3. That is worth 1 BP.
I rolled 0 MP, Round 4. That is worth 70 BP.
I rolled 0 MP, Round 5. That is worth 171 BP.
I rolled Poison, Round 6. That is worth 82 BP.
The total for all these results is: 349 BP.
Different slots have different results depending on which turn you roll them at, and the earlier you roll them, the worse the BP is. Every slot result on Turn 1 is equally worthless, only some of them will absolutely cripple your run. The slot you roll the latest are the only ones that actually matter! To take one example, if I had rolled Poison Round 5 and 0 MP Round 6 instead of the reverse, my final score would have been hundreds of points higher. I could roll nothing but Lucky 7s and Cures, which are non-handicaps which are supposed to be balanced out by having no BP value, for six round straight, then roll Broken Weapon on the final round, win with Leviathan + Beta spam, and walk away with 8246 BP.
This whole thing is an ubuesque nightmare and I should never have given it any respect.
It's fine, though. We're not into this for the BP, at least not yet. We're here to win. And our final opponent. Which is…
…
The Zuu bird.
You know what? Fine. Whatever. The game clearly thinks this thing is on the same tier as the Dragon, so fine by me!
We obliterate it with extreme prejudice.
Zuu just doesn't hit as hard as the Dragon and at this point I have a Big Guard + Regen strategy going into Odin/Leviathan for maximum obliterating power, the birdy doesn't stand a chance. Victory is ours.
Dio is pleased (AS HE FUCKING WELL SHOULD), and awards us not only the Keystone, but also a Protect Vest (Accessory that increases Vitality by +10) and a Choco Feather (Accessory that increases Dexterity by +10). Great! But that wasn't what I was here for. Let's go spend all our hard earned Battle Points!
…
I'm going to set the Gold Saucer on fire.
Yeah so when the game says your Battle Points disappear after you leave the Battle Square, THAT INCLUDES DIO'S MUSEUM ROOM, SO YOU HAVE NO BP LEFT BY THE TIME YOU EXIT IT AND REACH THE BP VENDING MACHINE.
I'm fine though. I had… anticipated… that this might happen. I'm okay.
I won all 8 rounds and that's all that matters.
Let's leave this shithole.
OH COME THE FUCK ON.
As this nice and definitely not lying staff member tells us he's very sorry but the Ropeway is out of order and we'll have to wait until it's repaired to leave, as if I would believe that the Gold Saucer would just allow all its clients to be trapped inside for a full night without an alternate way in or out, who would pop in behind us to ask what's wrong and innocently suggest we just not worry and stay at the hotel for the night?
Cait Sith.
I'm onto you, cat.
You know - we just got the Keystone. We obtained the key item to the next part of the plot. The part of the plot that Shinra and Sephiroth both want to get to first. In a game series that has historically had a thing with being allergic to protagonists getting places before the villains can show up.
Something is bound to happen, because there is no way we get to the Temple of the Ancients first, before both Shinra and Sephiroth.
My reservations about… All of this… Aside, it is nice. It's nice that we have the whole group gathered together to spend the evening! Cait Sith asks for Cloud to take this opportunity to sum up the plot so far, especially since he wasn't there for the beginning, and Cid and Vincent, both latecomers, concur.
God, we really explained Cid and Vincent basically nothing, did we? Well, Vincent comes with his own baggage, but Cid literally just tagged along and probably doesn't even know what a 'Jenova' is.
Cloud does a basic recap, with other characters prompting him for specifics, including some baffling writing choices (Barret asks us what the 'Cetra' are, Barret, who has been here from literally the first minute of the game).
Seriously.
One new factor is Aerith, who tells us more about what she now thinks/understands of the Promised Land - you don't "know" where the Promised Land is, you just search and travel, feeling for it; you will only know where it is once you've actually found it. And now, Aerith says, she thinks she can start to feel it.
There's also a very interesting exchange:
Aerith: "[Sephiroth] is searching for [the Promised Land], and one other thing." Cloud: "The Black Materia?" Cait Sith: "I heard from Dio that a man in a black cape was lookin' for the Black Materia." Tifa: "I've never heard of Black Materia…" Tifa: "How many men with black capes and tattoos are there?" Red XIII: "...You know, of course, my tattoo is number 13." Cloud: "How did you get that tattoo?" Red XIII: "...Hojo put it on me. The rest was just scars, but the number was done by Hojo." Tifa: "So there are at least 13!?" Aerith: "You know… I think Hojo did something to those men in the black capes. But I don't know what it has to do with Sephiroth though…"
Can you believe not once, this entire time, did I draw any connection between Red XIII's identification number and the Black Capes' tattoos?
Hmmm.
The highest-numbered tattoo in Nibelheim was 12. So Red being a new experiment in the same line, I can buy. But he wasn't created that way, he was experimented upon. If my theory on what 'Clones/Copies' are is correct, would that make Red an attempt at a non-human Sephiroth clone/copy? If he'd been that severely modified, we'd know, right?
Well, maybe not. Nanaki seems to have enough anxiety about his own state and what Hojo has done to him that, in a moment of uncharacteristic vulnerability that reflects that he's changed since Cosmo Canyon, he asks - is he going to go mad too, like these strange raving hooded men?
Tifa comforts him and, when he still shows uncertainty, chides him and tells him to be strong now.
Hmmm. Maybe Red is worried over nothing. Or maybe he is a latent Copy risking awakening at any time. Between his numbered tattoo, and the two small hooded figure in Nibelheim that coincidentally occupy the same attic as was once home to two children living in that house… I think it's much more likely that the Clones/Copies are based on ordinary people (Nibelheim survivors, for the most part) being experimented upon and implanted with Jenova/Sephiroth cells, rather than new, fresh-grown clones.
Grim.
Aerith is about to say something to Cloud, hands folded behind her back and looking bashful, when she suddenly changes her mind, says she needs to go to bed and storms out upstairs. Everyone else thinks that's weird, but that it is late, and they scatter to their rooms.
Cloud retires alone to a room with three beds (I guess he just really likes his privacy at night; relatable) where he is, of all things, broodily staring out the window into the night. Cloud, there's nobody here. You don't have to try to look cool.
Wait. Who's this..?
Aerith comes in unannounced.
Cloud: "What's wrong?" Aerith: "Let's go on a date!" Cloud: "What?" Aerith: "A D-A-T-E! Or haven't you ever gone on one?" Cloud: Don't take me for a fool // [Well, not a real one…] Aerith: "No, just a mixed-up kid… Oh well. Come on, let's go!" Cloud: "Hey!"
[Aerith slips behind him and bodily shoves him the entire way out of the room.]
Oh my.
How forward.
A date.
And there are no minced words or weir euphemisms or anything like that, Aerith is extremely clear about what this is supposed to be to the point of literally spelling it out.
This is… cute. I love that for them even though I'm really a Tifa shipper at heart. I believe that this scene actually can have one of several characters, depending on an arcane romance tracking point system? I made a deliberate point of not looking it up and just playing it by ear, and it looks like this resulted in a date with Aerith. I like that.
So let's see what that date is like!
The staff member tells us that there is going to be a show at the 'Event Square,' which is a theatre we've been to before but which was never showing anything at the time. Tonight is different, though.
Just as we walk in, the greeter announces that, as the 100th couple today, we have been elected for a special privilege: to play the leads in tonight's show.
Yeah, Cloud, you and me both.
God, if this happened to me in real life I would combust on the spot.
The greeter insists that it's not hard and to just 'play it however you want, and the rest of the cast will cover for you.' Which sounds like a recipe for disaster, but sure, why not! Cloud valiantly tries to resist being pulled towards the stage, but unfortunately Aerith is really sold on the whole idea, and so…
…what is this, a middle school production?
Narration: "Long, long ago… An evil shadow appeared over the peaceful kingdom of Galdia… Princess Rosa was kidnapped by the Evil Dragon King, Valvados. What will become of her?" Narration: "Just then, the legendary hero, Alfred, appears!"
Oh my god. Poor Cloud.
Cloud is of course terrible at this, standing petrified and engaging SociallyAwkward.ex when told it's his line, but the cast is probably used to these situations and guides him along, with the knight asking him to please save Princess Rosa and guiding him to talk to the King.
King: "On the peak of a dangerous mountain… dwells the Evil Dragon King, Valvados… Who's kidnapped Princess Rosa… But… You can't beat the Evil Dragon King now! Talk to one who can help you…"
Then a wizard appears, and we get a choice to talk to either the wizard or the knight for help.
Man, this is making me feel kinda nostalgic for Final Fantasy I. It operated at about this level of plot complexity. How far we've come!
I choose to speak to the Wizard, to whom we can ask one of two things: The Evil Dragon King's weakness… Or Princess Rosa's measurements???
I did not pick the Funny Option this time. Really I played the whole thing just straightforwardly. The wizard tells us that Valvados's weakness is "true love," which alone can withstand the fangs of the Dragon King, and then in comes Valvados himself, holding the Princess! Who is played, of course, by none other than Aerith.
The EDK declares he's been expecting Alfred, and Aerith asks Cloud to please save her before turning around to the EDK to ask how she's doing. YOU'RE BREAKING KAYFABE IS WHAT YOU'RE DOING, AERITH! STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!
The EDK loudly announces he's coming at Cloud, the wizard tells him to quickly use the power of true love, and we can choose to kiss either Aerith, the Dragon, or the King.
It's a chaste kiss, Cloud going down on one knee to kiss Aerith's hand, but it's enough to make her waver in her performance - it's clearly reaching her on some level.
Then Valvados screams, cursing the power of true love while hiding his face as if it were physically burning him, then exists stage left as the King declares love has triumphed and it's time to celebrate. At which point everyone rises on one foot ballerina style and pirouettes out of the stage.
And I do mean everyone.
This is so out of the blue I can't help but laugh out loud.
The narration closes by telling us about Alfred and Rosa's happily ever after, and back at Station Square, Aerith says that was fun, then pulls Cloud towards their next activity - the Gondola.
If you'll recall, we already rode the Gondola on our first visit through the Gold Saucer - though that time, it did not have any romantic undertones. Once again, we get cool FMV shots of the Gondola swooping around the Gold Saucer - new ones, even!
We ride through a display of fireworks, it's all rather cool-looking. As the gondola reaches its apex and slowly rides far above the rest of the Saucer (not sure how that works, like, mechanically) and the fireworks light up the cabin, Aerith speaks up - saying things that have been implied before, but never truly raised.
Aerith: "...First off, it bothered me how you looked exactly alike. Two completely different people, but look exactly the same[sic]." Aerith: "The way you walk, gesture…" Aerith: "I think I must have seen him again, in you…" Aerith: "But you're different. Things are different…"
[She closes her eyes.]
Aerith: "I'm searching for you." Cloud: "...?" Aerith: "I want to meet you." Cloud: "But I'm right here." Aerith: "I know, I know… What I mean is…" Aerith: "I want to meet… you."
Aerith: "I had fun tonight. Let's do it again." Aerith: "Don't you like being with me?" Cloud: "No, I don't" // "That's not it" (we pick the latter, obviously) Aerith: "I'm glad. Newt time we come, let's take our time and go on more rides."
The theatre production was just goofy fun (and not that goofy given that I didn't pick the Funny Options), but this is… actually a really nice earnest moment?
It's Aerith admitting to herself that she's been projecting someone else, someone she used to know, onto the person that Cloud is (something greatly facilitated by his social awkwardness resulting in a degree of closedness and rare emoting), and that she wants to learn to know the person that Cloud really is. The person he won't show, doesn't know how to show, bundle of trauma and repressed memory running an emulation of the coolest guy he knew who once tried to kill him that he is. And yeah, he needs to actually emotionally open himself to her if it's going to happen - but it does take two, and on her part, acknowledging that Cloud isn't her old boyfriend is an important step.
It's sweet. And it's great as a 'first date' kind of story beat. I do love these two. I think they're great together.
Aerith then realizes that it's way late, says they should get going, and the two lovebirds head back to the inn, through the central nexus of Station Square… Where they run into someone unexpected.
Wow, what could TOTALLY TRUSTWORTHY TEAM MEMBER CAIT SITH POSSIBLY DOING AT THIS HOUR OF THE NIGHT ALONE IN THE GOLD SAUCER?
What's this, Cloud? Cait Sith just took out the Keystone to examine it? Oh, and you called out to Cait Sith and he immediately ran away with no explanation?
I wonder what this could possibly mean!
We engage in a Scooby-Doo-style chase all around the Gold Saucer but, ultimately, Cloud and Aerith fail to catch up to Cait Sith before he can reach the edge of Chocobo Square just as Tseng's helicopter hovers off the edge, and tosses the Keystone up at him.
I fucking called it.
Tseng congratulates Cait Sith on a job well done, then flies away, leaving the cat to turn around and face Cloud and Aerith's wrath.
I mean.
It has to be that, right. We're shooting the goddamned feline where he stands?
Cait Sith: "W, wait a second. I won't run or hide." Cait Sith: "Yes, I was a spy. I was hired by the Shinra." Aerith: "...I trusted you. I can't believe you!" Cait Sith: "I couldn't help it. How 'bout we go on like nothing ever happened?" Cloud: "No way, cat! You gotta lot of guts acting like a friend but being a spy!" Cait Sith: "Then, what are you goin' to do? Kill me? You'd just be wasting your time if you tried. This body's just a toy anyway." Cait Sith: "My real body's at Shinra Headquarters in Midgar. I'm controlin' this toy cat from there." Aerith: "So you're from Shinra. Who? Who are you! Tell me!" Cait Sith: "Whoa, I can't tell you my name." Cloud: "We're not gettin' anywhere." Cait Sith: "See? I told you! Talking won't do any good, so can't we just continue on our journey?"
I…
Okay so the answer to 'what the fuck is this weird talking cat riding a giant Moogle plushie' being that Cait Sith is a remote-controlled drone piloted by a Shinra employee is, fucking, wild. What the hell.
I mean, we should absolutely still blow it up here and there, especially because it won't kill anyone, because fuck this guy, but - god.
The gall to throw the Keystone at Tseng and then turn around and say "too late to do anything about it, how we just PRETEND NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED?" Like what? That's not how people work! That's not how cooperation or trust works or-
I mean why did you trust this cat in the first place is my real question. He has no ties to any member of the party, no personal investment in our fight, and we found him as a Gold Saucer employee when we know that Gold Saucer is connected to Shinra. Why was anyone trusting him?
No matter. At least now his true colors have shown, so…
Cait Sith: "...Alright, yes, I am a Shinra employee. But we're not entirely enemies." Cait Sith: "...Something bothers me. I think it's your way of life." Cait Sith: "You don't get paid. You don't get praised. Yet, you still risk your lives and continue on your journey. Seeing that makes me…" Cait Sith: "It just makes me think about my life. I don't think I'd feel too good if things ended the way they are now."
…
This could almost be a compelling motivation. No, I mean, it is compelling, in a way, if for some reason we treat it as being true; 'Cait Sith' being, in truth, some middle-aged Shinra salaryman drone pilot whose soul is slowly withering in his Shinra HQ office from total lack of meaning or purpose or human connection, and trying to understand why these absolute weirdos are relentlessly pursuing a cause for which they are getting no thanks, living on the road as little more than murder hobos with a greater purpose, and trying to understand how they can somehow find fulfillment out of it… I can see something strong there.
But of course we have no reason to trust a single word out of that cat's mouth, right? He just betrayed us. He just admitted that he doesn't have any motivation beyond his job and his pay. He isn't even pretending to apologize for his betrayal! He literally just betrayed us, shrugged, said "what's done is done," and wants to tag along! Even though he's obviously going to betray us again next time Tseng calls him!
At this point I'm a little baffled because it's not like Cait Sith was framed as a temporary party member or anything, he's in character line-ups and shows up in sequels and stuff, but at this point there is no earthly reason for him to be allowed to stick around.
The game could work with it, though. 'Cait Sith betrays the gang, is kicked out of the party, obsesses over the connection and purpose New Avalanche share, eventually betrays Shinra and does something stupid and risky for us, and we let him back in' is like… It could work. It could be a genuinely compelling little arc for this relatively minor party member to go on. Sort of a Zuko vibe. I can dig it. What wouldn't make any sense, of course, would be for Cloud and Aerith to just agree to let him back in based on the terrible case he's made for it so far.
So, what happens now?
Well.
First off, Cloud and Aerith blow him off. Aerith says "And so on, and so on," which I'm pretty sure is an awkward rendition of her essentially going "Blah blah blah" at Cait Sith's nonsense. Cloud tells him that obviously they can't just go on like this and he needs to get real, we can never trust him again.
So Cait Sith pulls the ace up his sleeve.
Cait Sith: "...just as I thought. Talking won't make a bit of difference. But I prepared something in case this happened." Cait Sith: "Why don't you listen to this?"
[Here it's implied he pulls out a phone.] Voice: "Papa! Tifa!" Aerith: "Hey! That's Marlene!" Marlene: "Hey! It's the flower lady! Flower lady…" Cait Sith: "...So, you have to do as I say." Cloud: "You're the lowest…" Cait Sith: "I didn't want to do this… using dirty tricks and taking hostages…" Cait Sith: "But this is how it is… no compromises. So why don't we go on as we did?"
[He climbs up the stairs, then turns back around.] Cait Sith: "Tomorrow is the Temple of the Ancients, right? I know where it is so I'll tell you later. Of course, we'll get there after the Shinra, but you'll have to deal with that."
[Cait Sith leaves.] Cloud: ..Well, we're stuck… We'll have to do as he says." Aerith: "I wonder if Marlene is all right… I wonder what happened to Mom?"
[Fade to morning.]
In the morning, Cloud comes down from his room, Cait Sith makes fun of him for being a late riser, gives us directions to the Temple, Aerith says she's definitely coming, and we pick a third member to go along with her and Cloud, then head out.
…
…
Holy shit.
I mean, I want to be clear - writing-wise, this is great work. Cait Sith's bland attempts at shrugging off his betrayal and pretending nothing happened which are obviously dead letter, leading into his half-hearted attempt at giving a character motivation for wanting to stick around, all without any kind of self-awareness or contrition or apology or even regret for betraying people who (inexplicably) thought of him as a friend, all makes sense when he just pulls up a phone and reveals he has Marlene held hostage and we just have to do what he wants anyway or Bad Things will happen to Barret's kid is just… It's incredibly cold-blooded in a way that makes his behavior make sense. All the initial half-assed attempts at placating Cloud and Aerith are cast into better light when Cait Sith essentially shrugs and says "alright, I'm a spy, I'm going to keep spying on you, and you're going to let me do it and tell not a soul or the kid gets it."
It's just that what it is very effective at doing is selling a total villain, an absolute blackguard. I definitely understand why, at this stage, Cloud and Aerith make the choice to go along with Cait Sith's demands, the risks are too great, but - this is obviously set-up for saving Marlene and then shooting the cat in the goddamned face, right?
I genuinely have no idea how the game is planning to resolve this arc, because it's done a really great job of selling me on someone I now want to see meet a terrible fate even more than I do Rufus or Tseng, but Cait Sith still has an icon in the party selection and a character sheet and a starring role in the sequels?
I have no idea where this is going from here and, honestly, a little afraid as to where the plot takes it, because this could easily end with a completely unsatisfactory resolution to the Cait Sith subplot that leaves me hating a recruited party member in a way I haven't since freaking' Setzer. The game's only played lightly with the concept of 'unreliable party members' in IV with Kain, but even that was straight-up mind-control, not "there is a traitor on the team and the main character can't tell anyone." It could be a really, really good subplot... Or it could very much not.
But talk about giving the new maybe-couple something to bond over, jeez.
Well. I think that's a good enough stopping point for today. Incredible plot developments here, to the point that this ending has kind of overshadowed the much-anticipated Date Scene, which was… Sweet. It made me feel things, even if it was, all in all, a relatively short, light sequence. But it really drew on what makes FF7 work best, that being character dynamics and character depths, people with real psychological texture that can be explored and evolve over time.
Still gonna come back to kill that dragon, though.
There are four options for who Cloud can go on a date with, based on an internal counter of points, which increase or decrease based on various actions. Aerith is the most likely, since she starts at 50 points; Tifa is the next one down, starting at 30; Yuffie's the next one down, starting at 10; and then, finally, Barret is the least likely, starting with 0 points.
There's practically no way you're getting the last one without a guide.