- Location
- Australia, mate
Maybe just make the bit in the first post that mentions FE stand out a bit. That way less people might get confused about it being a true crossover.
-
Going forward, links to content from Twitter (now X) will no longer be embedded. Pre-existing links should not be affected.
Legacy of the Forgotten (Fantasy NGE AU)
- Thread starter Gryphon
- Start date
- Location
- Spain
Good idea. I have done some editing on the first post that will hopefully help with that.
I've also decided to make a slight change in the thread title in order to emphasize that this isn't a canon NGE setting. It's kinda obvious from the very beginning of the story anyway, but it makes it clearer and doesn't muck the thread title much.
- Location
- Australia, mate
Yep, that looks perfect.
Reach and Flexibility - 2
- Location
- Spain
Shorter update today, since I think the second part of this scene is going to take a while. Overall, I like how this one turned out, particularly the first half, but let me know what you guys think.
And I'm going to be writing my very first fight scene (in English at least) in the next snippet! It's probably going to kick my ass, though.
Any advice on that front?
___
Chapter 2.2
The afternoon saw Asuka roaming around Akuro castle, the place that would unfortunately be her new home for the foreseeable future. Her initial walks took her through the interior of the castle, to try and familiarize herself with the placement of all the important rooms. The canteen, the baths, the meeting room (she kept a respectful distance from this one), and more importantly, the library. She really wanted to keep the placement of that one room in mind.
The interiors to all the other more general-usage rooms Asuka entered were mostly repetitive in both style and size, with little variation from the kind of decoration she had already seen with the exception of colour and quality of the work. Same kind of paintings, same kind of furniture, same kind of structure to the rooms, same kind of flooring,... it got boring really fast. So the redhead took the first door that allowed her access to the outside.
And Asuka was actually happy that her walks in the interior had gotten boring so quickly, because the outside was, on the other hand, simply fascinating.
"Whoa...!"
The area between what Asuka guessed was the inner wall and the main building of the castle was filled with all kinds of colourful gardens and ponds in a huge contrast to the incredibly bland interior. A myriad of different flowers, decorated bushes and perfectly tended to trees, many of which Asuka had never before seen in her life, formed amazing patterns and pictures in many shades of red, blue and white. Fish of all sizes and colours swam along with various frogs inside of the pond without a care in the world, occasionally jumping out of the water to catch an errant fly or impress their peers. A small walkway made its way over the pond and into an area with many wooden and glass cages filled with exotic birds and insects, mostly butterflies and moths that, once again, Asuka had never before seen in her life.
And that was only the beginning.
Walking around the perimeter of the inner wall revealed elaborate and gigantic patterns drawn into a massive pit of sand, finely detailed sculptures made of different kinds of stone and even a freaking amphitheatre! Granted, it was a really small one that would barely be able to seat sixty people and would have the actors somewhat cramped on stage, but still!
As Asuka kept a leisurely walk and took in everything that she could while on her way to the outer wall, she quickly found herself forgetting about the day's crappy events in the face of the wonders she was seeing. Her annoyance with Toji? Out of her mind. The ridicule in the meeting room? Smashed into irrelevance. Hikari's anger? Unimportant after what she had seen in the last hour.
Maybe staying in this place for a while wouldn't be such a bad thing, after all.
It was with a genuine smile that Asuka approached the gates connecting the two parts of the castle, wondering if the other side would hold even more surprises; She was a bit disappointed when that wasn't the case and was instead faced with farmland, workshops and a training ground and barracks, but she quickly reminded herself that, being a fortress, this was the normal side of it and not what she had just seen.
'It speaks volumes of these people's confidence in repelling attackers that they are willing to turn half of their fortress into a cultural showcase, though.' thought the redhead.
Asuka thought for a moment about turning around and going back to the inner section of the castle in search of something she might have missed, but decided instead to continue on and head towards the training grounds in search of something to do. It would also be good to explore every nook and cranny of this place while she could, she had all day to check and analyze those birds after all.
Mere moments later, she wished she had turned around when she had the chance.
"Hey there! If it isn't our dearest concubine!" shouted a female voice from Asuka's destination.
Asuka felt all of the annoyances and concerns she had managed to forget slam back into her with the force of a wyvern. It had to be Katsuragi, of course. And she had to shout that with enough force for all of the not-so-few people in this part of the castle to hear.
Of course.
She was quickly starting to hate that woman.
Asuka made sure to keep her meanest glare fixed on Katsuragi and not look at absolutely anyone else as she walked up to meet her. Not that the latter gave a damn, all smiles and sunshine.
"Oh, come on! Turn that frown upside down, girl! It was funny!" said Misato, still clad in her light armor but with a practice sword instead of her real blade. She put her index and thumb to her chin and made a thoughtful pose. "But... I still think the one about our female prisoners and the tentacle monsters was better!"
Once again, with enough force for at least the surrounding farmers and craftsmen to hear, and Asuka wished she could hide under the ground from the weird stares she was getting. That was not to be though, so she did the second best thing she could:
"It's not my fault that sailors have active imaginations!" she exploded. "And I wasn't thinking straight, dammit!"
Asuka realized too late when she saw Katsuragi's grin that she had made a terrible mistake.
"Oh? And why was that? Did our dashing Shinji-kun take your breath away?" she questioned in a teasing voice.
The redhead slammed hard on the honest little voice that responded in the affirmative and bit her tongue, but she was unable to stop her body from shaking in rage; If only she had her axe or her spear there would be two halves to Katsuragi right now.
Misato, for her part, smelled blood in the water and went for the killing blow.
"Just be sure not to hurt Sakura-chan's feelings, okay? She's been crushing sooo hard on Shinji-kun for a while now, and I fear that you taking him away will make her sad and..."
"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT IDIOT SHINJI, DU PERVERSE ALTE HEXE!" 1.
...
Asuka found that she was getting very used to uncomfortable silences lately. They always seemed to flow the same way, too: someone would say something outrageous (it was mostly her today, it seemed), the ensuing quiet would let the sound of distant cicadas be heard and then-
"PffHAHAHAHA!"
Misato Katsuragi would start laughing her ass off, right on cue.
...
She was really starting to hate this woman.
It took a solid minute for Katsuragi to calm down, time that Asuka put to use glaring at their audience until they got the message that staying there gawking at them would be a bad idea. They understood quickly enough, and by the time Misato had finished laughing they were back toiling in whatever work they did, leaving the two of them mostly alone.
"Phew! That was a good laugh," Misato let out. She then noticed the killer glare being thrown her way by the irate redhead and tried for a disarming smile. "come on, don't be like that. It's all in good fun, laughing keeps you healthy after all!"
"If I had my weapons on me you can be sure that laughing would keep you dead, Hexe." the venom in her voice would have made most sane people at least nervous, but it was completely useless on the woman known as Misato Katsuragi.
Said woman let out a deep theatrical sigh. "So much hostility! You really have to learn to relax, girl!" Misato made a show of being deep in thought once again, thumb and index fingers on her chin. "But that does give me an idea. Come with me!" She then turned around and started to walk down the path heading to the training grounds.
"And why should I do whatever it is you want to do?" questioned Asuka.
Misato threw a small smile her way before answering and continuing down the path. "Because I'm pretty sure that you will enjoy it."
Against her better judgment Asuka decided to follow the older woman onto the training grounds, muttering about annoying old hags getting on her nerves all the way until she arrived. Once there, Misato threw a blunted practice spear at Asuka's feet, eliciting a raised eyebrow from the redhead, and drew the practice sword strapped to her side. Once she saw the redhead's questioning stare she smirked.
"You said you were a soldier, didn't you? I'm curious to see how your Imperial training faces off against mine." Misato shifted her feet, arms and body into a ready stance with her practice weapon in a two-handed grip before her. "You have a weapon now, so show me what you can do, kiddo."
The redhead had picked up the spear from the floor and switched into a ready stance herself even before Misato had finished talking. Asuka was seething, her face set on a furious snarl, and the only thing she saw was the chance to get some well deserved payback. "Don't come back crying when I kick your ass!"
1. (You perverted old hag!)
And I'm going to be writing my very first fight scene (in English at least) in the next snippet! It's probably going to kick my ass, though.
Any advice on that front?
___
Chapter 2.2
The afternoon saw Asuka roaming around Akuro castle, the place that would unfortunately be her new home for the foreseeable future. Her initial walks took her through the interior of the castle, to try and familiarize herself with the placement of all the important rooms. The canteen, the baths, the meeting room (she kept a respectful distance from this one), and more importantly, the library. She really wanted to keep the placement of that one room in mind.
The interiors to all the other more general-usage rooms Asuka entered were mostly repetitive in both style and size, with little variation from the kind of decoration she had already seen with the exception of colour and quality of the work. Same kind of paintings, same kind of furniture, same kind of structure to the rooms, same kind of flooring,... it got boring really fast. So the redhead took the first door that allowed her access to the outside.
And Asuka was actually happy that her walks in the interior had gotten boring so quickly, because the outside was, on the other hand, simply fascinating.
"Whoa...!"
The area between what Asuka guessed was the inner wall and the main building of the castle was filled with all kinds of colourful gardens and ponds in a huge contrast to the incredibly bland interior. A myriad of different flowers, decorated bushes and perfectly tended to trees, many of which Asuka had never before seen in her life, formed amazing patterns and pictures in many shades of red, blue and white. Fish of all sizes and colours swam along with various frogs inside of the pond without a care in the world, occasionally jumping out of the water to catch an errant fly or impress their peers. A small walkway made its way over the pond and into an area with many wooden and glass cages filled with exotic birds and insects, mostly butterflies and moths that, once again, Asuka had never before seen in her life.
And that was only the beginning.
Walking around the perimeter of the inner wall revealed elaborate and gigantic patterns drawn into a massive pit of sand, finely detailed sculptures made of different kinds of stone and even a freaking amphitheatre! Granted, it was a really small one that would barely be able to seat sixty people and would have the actors somewhat cramped on stage, but still!
As Asuka kept a leisurely walk and took in everything that she could while on her way to the outer wall, she quickly found herself forgetting about the day's crappy events in the face of the wonders she was seeing. Her annoyance with Toji? Out of her mind. The ridicule in the meeting room? Smashed into irrelevance. Hikari's anger? Unimportant after what she had seen in the last hour.
Maybe staying in this place for a while wouldn't be such a bad thing, after all.
It was with a genuine smile that Asuka approached the gates connecting the two parts of the castle, wondering if the other side would hold even more surprises; She was a bit disappointed when that wasn't the case and was instead faced with farmland, workshops and a training ground and barracks, but she quickly reminded herself that, being a fortress, this was the normal side of it and not what she had just seen.
'It speaks volumes of these people's confidence in repelling attackers that they are willing to turn half of their fortress into a cultural showcase, though.' thought the redhead.
Asuka thought for a moment about turning around and going back to the inner section of the castle in search of something she might have missed, but decided instead to continue on and head towards the training grounds in search of something to do. It would also be good to explore every nook and cranny of this place while she could, she had all day to check and analyze those birds after all.
Mere moments later, she wished she had turned around when she had the chance.
"Hey there! If it isn't our dearest concubine!" shouted a female voice from Asuka's destination.
Asuka felt all of the annoyances and concerns she had managed to forget slam back into her with the force of a wyvern. It had to be Katsuragi, of course. And she had to shout that with enough force for all of the not-so-few people in this part of the castle to hear.
Of course.
She was quickly starting to hate that woman.
Asuka made sure to keep her meanest glare fixed on Katsuragi and not look at absolutely anyone else as she walked up to meet her. Not that the latter gave a damn, all smiles and sunshine.
"Oh, come on! Turn that frown upside down, girl! It was funny!" said Misato, still clad in her light armor but with a practice sword instead of her real blade. She put her index and thumb to her chin and made a thoughtful pose. "But... I still think the one about our female prisoners and the tentacle monsters was better!"
Once again, with enough force for at least the surrounding farmers and craftsmen to hear, and Asuka wished she could hide under the ground from the weird stares she was getting. That was not to be though, so she did the second best thing she could:
"It's not my fault that sailors have active imaginations!" she exploded. "And I wasn't thinking straight, dammit!"
Asuka realized too late when she saw Katsuragi's grin that she had made a terrible mistake.
"Oh? And why was that? Did our dashing Shinji-kun take your breath away?" she questioned in a teasing voice.
The redhead slammed hard on the honest little voice that responded in the affirmative and bit her tongue, but she was unable to stop her body from shaking in rage; If only she had her axe or her spear there would be two halves to Katsuragi right now.
Misato, for her part, smelled blood in the water and went for the killing blow.
"Just be sure not to hurt Sakura-chan's feelings, okay? She's been crushing sooo hard on Shinji-kun for a while now, and I fear that you taking him away will make her sad and..."
"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT IDIOT SHINJI, DU PERVERSE ALTE HEXE!" 1.
...
Asuka found that she was getting very used to uncomfortable silences lately. They always seemed to flow the same way, too: someone would say something outrageous (it was mostly her today, it seemed), the ensuing quiet would let the sound of distant cicadas be heard and then-
"PffHAHAHAHA!"
Misato Katsuragi would start laughing her ass off, right on cue.
...
She was really starting to hate this woman.
It took a solid minute for Katsuragi to calm down, time that Asuka put to use glaring at their audience until they got the message that staying there gawking at them would be a bad idea. They understood quickly enough, and by the time Misato had finished laughing they were back toiling in whatever work they did, leaving the two of them mostly alone.
"Phew! That was a good laugh," Misato let out. She then noticed the killer glare being thrown her way by the irate redhead and tried for a disarming smile. "come on, don't be like that. It's all in good fun, laughing keeps you healthy after all!"
"If I had my weapons on me you can be sure that laughing would keep you dead, Hexe." the venom in her voice would have made most sane people at least nervous, but it was completely useless on the woman known as Misato Katsuragi.
Said woman let out a deep theatrical sigh. "So much hostility! You really have to learn to relax, girl!" Misato made a show of being deep in thought once again, thumb and index fingers on her chin. "But that does give me an idea. Come with me!" She then turned around and started to walk down the path heading to the training grounds.
"And why should I do whatever it is you want to do?" questioned Asuka.
Misato threw a small smile her way before answering and continuing down the path. "Because I'm pretty sure that you will enjoy it."
Against her better judgment Asuka decided to follow the older woman onto the training grounds, muttering about annoying old hags getting on her nerves all the way until she arrived. Once there, Misato threw a blunted practice spear at Asuka's feet, eliciting a raised eyebrow from the redhead, and drew the practice sword strapped to her side. Once she saw the redhead's questioning stare she smirked.
"You said you were a soldier, didn't you? I'm curious to see how your Imperial training faces off against mine." Misato shifted her feet, arms and body into a ready stance with her practice weapon in a two-handed grip before her. "You have a weapon now, so show me what you can do, kiddo."
The redhead had picked up the spear from the floor and switched into a ready stance herself even before Misato had finished talking. Asuka was seething, her face set on a furious snarl, and the only thing she saw was the chance to get some well deserved payback. "Don't come back crying when I kick your ass!"
1. (You perverted old hag!)
Last edited:
Ranma-sensei
Sorcerer
- Location
- Citrix Receiver
- Pronouns
- Weatherdependent
seat
'of' sounds way better, in my opinion
It would be better to put the translation either in square brackets or assign a translation number and have it explain after the snippet/chapter. Keeps it from being too confusing.
One space too many.
by (though it isn't really necessary at all, IMO) and their
That doesn't really work (well) grammatically. Try "Phew! That was a good laugh," Misato let out.
Hexe is a noun and therefore needs to have an upper case first letter, by German grammatics.
Not really necessary, but IMO 'of being in deep thought' sounds better.
She
Against | onto
You got enough of us around that someone will be able to give you pointers. Contrary to what some (mostly male, though my wife is the same) individuals try to tell you, asking is the easiest way to get help.And I'm going to be writing my very first fight scene (in English at least) in the next snippet! It's probably going to kick my ass, though.
Any advice on that front?
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- Location
- Spain
She had the best of sparring partners to practice with! But since Rits is with Gendo now, well... she feels the need to mess with everyone else.
- Location
- Australia, mate
Yeah, Misato's totally gonna win.
- Location
- Spain
Still quite a bit left to this fight, but I want to share how it's coming so far:
Is it clear enough? Are the descriptions enough to get a good image of what's going on or should I deepen them a bit?
___
Contrary to the defensive stance many spear users would adopt when facing melee opponents, Asuka started the contest with a series of lightning-fast thrusting attacks meant to keep Misato on the defensive. The redhead expertly balanced the spear on her hands as she alternated attacks at Misato's torso, legs, arms and face and tried to stay unpredictable in the hopes of getting through the defensive iron wall that Katsuragi had built with her blade. The tip of the spear would fail to strike true time and time again, the older woman deflecting some of the thrusts and twisting her body in ways she wouldn't have thought her capable of out of others, but Asuka could see that Misato was also being steadily pushed back to the edge of the training arena.
'If I can get her out of bounds I'll win. A quick and efficient victory, as it should always be.' she thought.
Taking heart in that fact, Asuka redoubled her efforts and made full use of her reach to put Misato in a situation where her flexibility wouldn't matter, always making sure to not leave her a moment's respite. She then started mixing up short horizontal and vertical slashes after some of her thrusts to make it even more difficult for Misato to defend without giving ground.
The mix-ups worked wonders, and Misato soon found herself a back step away from losing the spar. Confident in her inevitable victory, Asuka snapped a quick look at the face she was momentarily going to be rubbing a defeat on, expecting to see her opponent tense and desperate.
Instead, what she saw was Misato's confident expression and that damn smile on her face. Even more astonishingly, Misato caught her gaze and winked at her!
'Wha...?'
It was nothing more than a short moment, less than a heartbeat. For that single moment, Asuka faltered in her until then relentless offensive, gawking at the sheer absurdity of what she was seeing.
It was all the time Misato needed.
Twisting her body around the tip of the immobile lance in a move that she barely saw, Misato dashed into Asuka's defensive perimeter, sword held to the lower left part of her body and preparing to deliver an upwards strike that would catch the redhead straight in the chest.
'Scheibe!
Caught off-balance and unable to retreat backwards, Asuka thought quickly and jumped as hard as she could towards her right and Misato's left, hoping that with the woman holding the blade in the manner she was she wouldn't be able to follow her dodge.
Misato's sword slashed empty air by mere centimeters, and when she tried to press her advantage and follow on her attack, Asuka used her own momentum to bring her spear in a wide circular motion and deny Katsuragi the chance; Asuka hurried to get her spear in a guarding stance, her right hand low and her left hand keeping the tip pointing at Misato's face, but with both combatants back in the middle of the ring the fight had now reset.
___
Also, Legacy of he Forgotten has broken 1000 views!
... and a grand total of six (awesome) people have been kind enough to leave a comment.
Come on guys, throw me a bone here!
Is it clear enough? Are the descriptions enough to get a good image of what's going on or should I deepen them a bit?
___
Contrary to the defensive stance many spear users would adopt when facing melee opponents, Asuka started the contest with a series of lightning-fast thrusting attacks meant to keep Misato on the defensive. The redhead expertly balanced the spear on her hands as she alternated attacks at Misato's torso, legs, arms and face and tried to stay unpredictable in the hopes of getting through the defensive iron wall that Katsuragi had built with her blade. The tip of the spear would fail to strike true time and time again, the older woman deflecting some of the thrusts and twisting her body in ways she wouldn't have thought her capable of out of others, but Asuka could see that Misato was also being steadily pushed back to the edge of the training arena.
'If I can get her out of bounds I'll win. A quick and efficient victory, as it should always be.' she thought.
Taking heart in that fact, Asuka redoubled her efforts and made full use of her reach to put Misato in a situation where her flexibility wouldn't matter, always making sure to not leave her a moment's respite. She then started mixing up short horizontal and vertical slashes after some of her thrusts to make it even more difficult for Misato to defend without giving ground.
The mix-ups worked wonders, and Misato soon found herself a back step away from losing the spar. Confident in her inevitable victory, Asuka snapped a quick look at the face she was momentarily going to be rubbing a defeat on, expecting to see her opponent tense and desperate.
Instead, what she saw was Misato's confident expression and that damn smile on her face. Even more astonishingly, Misato caught her gaze and winked at her!
'Wha...?'
It was nothing more than a short moment, less than a heartbeat. For that single moment, Asuka faltered in her until then relentless offensive, gawking at the sheer absurdity of what she was seeing.
It was all the time Misato needed.
Twisting her body around the tip of the immobile lance in a move that she barely saw, Misato dashed into Asuka's defensive perimeter, sword held to the lower left part of her body and preparing to deliver an upwards strike that would catch the redhead straight in the chest.
'Scheibe!
Caught off-balance and unable to retreat backwards, Asuka thought quickly and jumped as hard as she could towards her right and Misato's left, hoping that with the woman holding the blade in the manner she was she wouldn't be able to follow her dodge.
Misato's sword slashed empty air by mere centimeters, and when she tried to press her advantage and follow on her attack, Asuka used her own momentum to bring her spear in a wide circular motion and deny Katsuragi the chance; Asuka hurried to get her spear in a guarding stance, her right hand low and her left hand keeping the tip pointing at Misato's face, but with both combatants back in the middle of the ring the fight had now reset.
___
Also, Legacy of he Forgotten has broken 1000 views!
... and a grand total of six (awesome) people have been kind enough to leave a comment.
Come on guys, throw me a bone here!
- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
Your action is just fine here. Feels fast flowing and reads nice and tense.
- Location
- Spain
Great! I'll wait for some more feedback and keep at it, then.
It's well described. Keep on in this vein.
However, if I may submit some suggestions:
I'd drop 'iron'--not necessary, and it puts the rhythm off.
Delete 'would' (wrong tense): "spear failed to strike". Also, 'fail' makes it sound like Asuka is really trying to hit rather than just working to control the flow of the fight. It that your intention?
Last part is awkward. Perhaps something like: "and dodging others by twisting her body in ways Asuka would have thought impossible for the older woman."
'that thought': not a fact, as Misato presently proves. Should be a comma after 'be'; or just drop 'she thought', since it's obviously Askuka's thoughts
Again, awkward phrasing.
Needs a hyphen in 'until-then'
'Immobile' means not capable of motion, which isn't true of the lance; I'd just delete 'immobile'. Also, the 'she' reads as referring to Misato: "that Asuka barely saw".
The 'b' should be a double 'ss'. Also needs a close quote.
'backwards' is redundant.
Thanks for letting me comment. I retired from editing a few years ago, but seems it hasn't worn off yet.
- Location
- Spain
Thank you for your time and advice. I realise a lot of my wording and phrasing can be improved upon, and hopefully will be improved upon. I'm pretty good at English, but I'm no native.
That's the idea, pretty much. She's trying her hardest to score a hit on Misato, but due to how spear combat works failing at that also happens to keep Misato on the defensive, since she cannot turn the tables unless Asuka screws up. Asuka wasn't initially planning on taking Misato out of the ring, but she capitalized on that opportunity when she saw it.
That's the idea, pretty much. She's trying her hardest to score a hit on Misato, but due to how spear combat works failing at that also happens to keep Misato on the defensive, since she cannot turn the tables unless Asuka screws up. Asuka wasn't initially planning on taking Misato out of the ring, but she capitalized on that opportunity when she saw it.
- Location
- Australia, mate
Well... your fight scene sounds far more intense than the two I've done, and this is just sparring. I'd like to see what happens when you get to a real fight.
Ranma-sensei
Sorcerer
- Location
- Citrix Receiver
- Pronouns
- Weatherdependent
Since everybody else practically commented on your glorious sparring scene, I'll improve on gs49's corrections:
in
Little correction here: According to the Duden (official German dictionary) it is written 'Scheiße' with a so-called 'sharp s'. Also, you're missing the closing apostrophe, here.
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- Location
- Spain
Yeah, that's what Wordreference was telling me, but I'll be damned if I know how to write that funny-looking B.
What's the keyboard command for that one?
Ranma-sensei
Sorcerer
- Location
- Citrix Receiver
- Pronouns
- Weatherdependent
Sorry, I don't know that as it's paired with the '?' on a German keyboard; but your operating system's character map can help you with that info.
- Location
- Spain
Okay, I'll take a look and see if I can find it.
Edit: Alt+225 (on the numeric keypad) seems to do the trick. Let's see if I can remember it in the future. ß
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Ranma-sensei
Sorcerer
- Location
- Citrix Receiver
- Pronouns
- Weatherdependent
I'm sure you'll do but it's not a 'b'. It's an artifact of old German calligraphy, where 'sz' looks kinda like this. After half a century and some stilisation, this was the result. Basically, 'ss' and 'sz'/'ß' are spoken slightly differently.
I'll shut up now.
I'll shut up now.
Reach and Flexibility - 3
- Location
- Spain
Update on the rest of the fight. I have to admit, it was a bit easier than I expected. Definitely easier than the meeting.
I'm also adding a bit of the previous snippet, since I have done a few modifications to it. Turns out I was silly enough to have Asuka sparring dressed in her kimono.
_________
Chapter 2.3
"And why should I do whatever it is you want to do?" questioned Asuka.
Misato threw a small smile her way before answering and continuing down the path. "Because I'm pretty sure that you will enjoy it."
Against her better judgment Asuka decided to follow the older woman into the white painted circle that probably served as a training arena, muttering about annoying old hags getting on her nerves all the way until she arrived. Once there, Misato threw a blunted practice spear at Asuka's feet, eliciting a raised eyebrow from the redhead, and drew the practice sword strapped to her side. Once she saw the redhead's questioning stare she smirked.
"You said you were a soldier, didn't you? I'm curious to see how your Imperial training faces off against mine." She pointed her weapon at a small building to the side of the field. "You might want to change out of those clothes, though; Hikari would kill me if you dirtied them. There should be some clean training clothes in there, change into them and come back here. I'll wait!"
Asuka narrowed her eyes at the other woman.
"Seriously, why should I do whatever it is you want to do again?"
Misato shifted her smirk into a teasing half-smile.
"Because I don't think you are one to back from a challenge. Or are you going to prove me wrong?"
Asuka kept on staring at Misato for a second before letting out an annoyed sigh and walking into the building without another word. A few minutes later, she came out wearing clothing more fitting for combat, in the same vein of Misato's protection. Simple pieces of leather armor for the chest, arms and legs, all of it, of course, in a vivid red color.
Misato shifted her feet, arms and body into a ready stance with her practice weapon in a two-handed grip before her. "You have a weapon now, so show me what you can do, kiddo."
The redhead had picked up the spear from the floor and switched into a ready stance herself even before Misato had finished talking. Asuka was seething, her face set in a furious snarl, and the only thing she saw was the chance to get some well deserved payback. "Don't come crying when I kick your ass!"
Contrary to the defensive stance many spear users would adopt when facing melee opponents, Asuka started the contest with a series of lightning-fast thrusting attacks meant to keep Misato on the defensive. The redhead expertly balanced the spear in her hands as she alternated attacks at Misato's torso, legs, arms and face and tried to stay unpredictable in the hopes of getting through the defensive wall that Katsuragi had built with her blade. The tip of the spear failed to strike true time and time again, the older woman deflecting some of the thrusts and dodging others by twisting her body in impossible ways, but Asuka could see that Misato was also being steadily pushed back to the edge of the training arena.
'If I can get her out of bounds I'll win. A quick and efficient victory, as it should always be.'
Taking heart in that thought, Asuka redoubled her efforts and made full use of her reach to put Misato in a situation where her flexibility wouldn't matter, always making sure to not leave her a moment's respite. She then started mixing up short horizontal and vertical slashes after some of her thrusts to make it even more difficult for Misato to defend without giving ground.
The mix-ups worked wonders, and Misato soon found herself a back step away from losing the spar. Confident in her inevitable victory, Asuka snapped a quick look at her opponent's face, expecting to see her tense and desperate.
Instead, what she saw was Misato's confident expression and that damn smile on her face. Even more astonishingly, Misato caught her gaze and winked at her!
'Wha...?'
It was nothing more than a short moment, less than a heartbeat. For that single moment, Asuka faltered in her until-then relentless offensive, gawking at the sheer absurdity of what she was seeing.
It was all the time Misato needed.
Twisting her body around the tip of the lance in a move that Asuka barely saw, Misato dashed into her shocked opponent's defensive perimeter, sword held to the lower left part of her body and preparing to deliver an upwards strike that would catch the redhead straight in the chest.
'Scheiße!'
Caught off-balance and unable to retreat, Asuka thought quickly and jumped as hard as she could towards her right and Misato's left, hoping that with the woman holding the blade in the manner she was she wouldn't be able to follow her dodge.
Misato's sword slashed empty air by mere centimeters, and when she tried to press her advantage and follow on her attack, Asuka used her own momentum to bring her spear in a wide circular motion and deny Katsuragi the chance.
"Tsk. Almost had you."
Her attack interrupted, Misato decided to reset the fight and get back into a ready stance near the center of the ring instead of diving headlong into a potentially disadvantageous situation. Seeing that her opponent wasn't going to press the attack, Asuka balanced her spear into a low defensive position, tip downwards and back end upwards so as to protect as much of her body as possible, and joined Misato while keeping a respectful distance.
The two combatants started to circle each other.
"You are pretty aggressive for someone using a spear." Claimed Katsuragi in an amused voice.
"I just don't like waiting for things to come to me. What? You have something against that?"
"Not really, it's a nice change of pace from usual. Too many trainees don't know how to think outside the box."
A quick sword strike was easily deflected by Asuka's spear.
"Trainees? What are you, an instructor?"
Asuka tried a low sweeping strike at Misato's feet, but she easily back stepped it.
"That I am, and a pretty good one at that!"
Asuka sent another set of thrusts and slashes Misato's way but they were met with as little success as the first, all of the hits that were not deflected missing by a hair's breadth. This time however, Misato circled around slightly in her retreat to avoid the edge of the ring. She didn't seem to have much trouble doing it too, which cemented the fact in Asuka's mind that the way in which she had cornered Misato the first time had been a set-up all along.
Realizing that she was going to get nowhere with this, Asuka paused her offensive and got back into her guard stance. Misato mimicked, and threw her a cocky smirk.
"And as the great instructor I am," she declared. "I can tell already that you are not going to win this fight."
Asuka was not impressed.
"Is that so? Last time I checked I was holding all of the advantages here. You are resorting to empty threats to scrape off a win now?"
"Advantages? Don't throw the weapon triangle at me." Scoffed Katsuragi. "If you have gotten as far as you have by anything other than sheer luck, you must know that that theory is not absolute. Swords can beat lances, lances can beat axes, and axes can beat swords. There are way more factors than the type of weaponry at work during battle."
The weapons sang again as they clashed in another short composition of wooden smacks. After a few hits, the two returned once again to their guard stances, unable to get through the other's defenses.
"Of course I know that! And it's because of all of those other factors being on my side that you are trying to bullshit your way to victory, Hexe!"
"Oh really?" answered Katsuragi, her tone laced with confidence. "Then tell me, Asuka-chan, how are your arms holding up?"
Tired, was the answer. Asuka was working quite a sweat with this match (she was definitely going to need another bath), and both of her arms and her back were starting to burn with the effort. Nothing unusual, considering how long they had been at it.
'Well, of course they are a bit heavy! We have been fighting for some time now, so it's only normal that I get tired! Just… like… her?'
Asuka's face slacked in confusion.
Not a single sweat drop could be seen on Katsuragi's face. A bit of her forehead was glistening, sure, but she looked almost as fresh now as she had before they had started sparring.
'What the hell?! That's impossible! She has been twisting and turning all this time!'
Misato smiled when she saw the redhead's change in expression.
"I see that you get what I'm talking about now. Too bad that it's way too late." Asuka could see Misato tense every muscle in her body. "Time to end this!"
And then she lunged.
To her credit, Asuka managed to block the entirety of the furious flurry of blows that rained on her from practically every angle, despite her aching muscles. Some of them she could barely see coming, and others were blocked by sheer dumb luck. Nevertheless, and in spite of the redhead's best efforts, the match ended when Katsuragi performed a lightning-fast sweep at Asuka's legs that cleanly dropped her to the ground, and Misato followed that motion by thrusting the tip of her blade right on top of her opponent's neck.
Her head still spinning, Asuka could only stare in muted shock at the wooden sword just centimeters away from her face. She barely even registered Misato's words as she put her sword back into its rightful place.
"My win."
'W-what? How? T-there is no way someone can move that fast.'
Asuka had momentarily thought the same thing back when Misato had first gotten inside of her defensive circle, but had dismissed it as a freak occurrence, her senses playing tricks on her. This time however, she had clearly seen another person perform something that should have been impossible, no one could move that fast.
She was awoken from her stupor when Misato offered her a hand up.
"By the way kiddo, it's really rude to call your elders names."
From her position, and for the shortest of moments, Asuka briefly saw a green symbol shine on Misato's collarbone.
I'm also adding a bit of the previous snippet, since I have done a few modifications to it. Turns out I was silly enough to have Asuka sparring dressed in her kimono.
_________
Chapter 2.3
"And why should I do whatever it is you want to do?" questioned Asuka.
Misato threw a small smile her way before answering and continuing down the path. "Because I'm pretty sure that you will enjoy it."
Against her better judgment Asuka decided to follow the older woman into the white painted circle that probably served as a training arena, muttering about annoying old hags getting on her nerves all the way until she arrived. Once there, Misato threw a blunted practice spear at Asuka's feet, eliciting a raised eyebrow from the redhead, and drew the practice sword strapped to her side. Once she saw the redhead's questioning stare she smirked.
"You said you were a soldier, didn't you? I'm curious to see how your Imperial training faces off against mine." She pointed her weapon at a small building to the side of the field. "You might want to change out of those clothes, though; Hikari would kill me if you dirtied them. There should be some clean training clothes in there, change into them and come back here. I'll wait!"
Asuka narrowed her eyes at the other woman.
"Seriously, why should I do whatever it is you want to do again?"
Misato shifted her smirk into a teasing half-smile.
"Because I don't think you are one to back from a challenge. Or are you going to prove me wrong?"
Asuka kept on staring at Misato for a second before letting out an annoyed sigh and walking into the building without another word. A few minutes later, she came out wearing clothing more fitting for combat, in the same vein of Misato's protection. Simple pieces of leather armor for the chest, arms and legs, all of it, of course, in a vivid red color.
Misato shifted her feet, arms and body into a ready stance with her practice weapon in a two-handed grip before her. "You have a weapon now, so show me what you can do, kiddo."
The redhead had picked up the spear from the floor and switched into a ready stance herself even before Misato had finished talking. Asuka was seething, her face set in a furious snarl, and the only thing she saw was the chance to get some well deserved payback. "Don't come crying when I kick your ass!"
Contrary to the defensive stance many spear users would adopt when facing melee opponents, Asuka started the contest with a series of lightning-fast thrusting attacks meant to keep Misato on the defensive. The redhead expertly balanced the spear in her hands as she alternated attacks at Misato's torso, legs, arms and face and tried to stay unpredictable in the hopes of getting through the defensive wall that Katsuragi had built with her blade. The tip of the spear failed to strike true time and time again, the older woman deflecting some of the thrusts and dodging others by twisting her body in impossible ways, but Asuka could see that Misato was also being steadily pushed back to the edge of the training arena.
'If I can get her out of bounds I'll win. A quick and efficient victory, as it should always be.'
Taking heart in that thought, Asuka redoubled her efforts and made full use of her reach to put Misato in a situation where her flexibility wouldn't matter, always making sure to not leave her a moment's respite. She then started mixing up short horizontal and vertical slashes after some of her thrusts to make it even more difficult for Misato to defend without giving ground.
The mix-ups worked wonders, and Misato soon found herself a back step away from losing the spar. Confident in her inevitable victory, Asuka snapped a quick look at her opponent's face, expecting to see her tense and desperate.
Instead, what she saw was Misato's confident expression and that damn smile on her face. Even more astonishingly, Misato caught her gaze and winked at her!
'Wha...?'
It was nothing more than a short moment, less than a heartbeat. For that single moment, Asuka faltered in her until-then relentless offensive, gawking at the sheer absurdity of what she was seeing.
It was all the time Misato needed.
Twisting her body around the tip of the lance in a move that Asuka barely saw, Misato dashed into her shocked opponent's defensive perimeter, sword held to the lower left part of her body and preparing to deliver an upwards strike that would catch the redhead straight in the chest.
'Scheiße!'
Caught off-balance and unable to retreat, Asuka thought quickly and jumped as hard as she could towards her right and Misato's left, hoping that with the woman holding the blade in the manner she was she wouldn't be able to follow her dodge.
Misato's sword slashed empty air by mere centimeters, and when she tried to press her advantage and follow on her attack, Asuka used her own momentum to bring her spear in a wide circular motion and deny Katsuragi the chance.
"Tsk. Almost had you."
Her attack interrupted, Misato decided to reset the fight and get back into a ready stance near the center of the ring instead of diving headlong into a potentially disadvantageous situation. Seeing that her opponent wasn't going to press the attack, Asuka balanced her spear into a low defensive position, tip downwards and back end upwards so as to protect as much of her body as possible, and joined Misato while keeping a respectful distance.
The two combatants started to circle each other.
"You are pretty aggressive for someone using a spear." Claimed Katsuragi in an amused voice.
"I just don't like waiting for things to come to me. What? You have something against that?"
"Not really, it's a nice change of pace from usual. Too many trainees don't know how to think outside the box."
A quick sword strike was easily deflected by Asuka's spear.
"Trainees? What are you, an instructor?"
Asuka tried a low sweeping strike at Misato's feet, but she easily back stepped it.
"That I am, and a pretty good one at that!"
Asuka sent another set of thrusts and slashes Misato's way but they were met with as little success as the first, all of the hits that were not deflected missing by a hair's breadth. This time however, Misato circled around slightly in her retreat to avoid the edge of the ring. She didn't seem to have much trouble doing it too, which cemented the fact in Asuka's mind that the way in which she had cornered Misato the first time had been a set-up all along.
Realizing that she was going to get nowhere with this, Asuka paused her offensive and got back into her guard stance. Misato mimicked, and threw her a cocky smirk.
"And as the great instructor I am," she declared. "I can tell already that you are not going to win this fight."
Asuka was not impressed.
"Is that so? Last time I checked I was holding all of the advantages here. You are resorting to empty threats to scrape off a win now?"
"Advantages? Don't throw the weapon triangle at me." Scoffed Katsuragi. "If you have gotten as far as you have by anything other than sheer luck, you must know that that theory is not absolute. Swords can beat lances, lances can beat axes, and axes can beat swords. There are way more factors than the type of weaponry at work during battle."
The weapons sang again as they clashed in another short composition of wooden smacks. After a few hits, the two returned once again to their guard stances, unable to get through the other's defenses.
"Of course I know that! And it's because of all of those other factors being on my side that you are trying to bullshit your way to victory, Hexe!"
"Oh really?" answered Katsuragi, her tone laced with confidence. "Then tell me, Asuka-chan, how are your arms holding up?"
Tired, was the answer. Asuka was working quite a sweat with this match (she was definitely going to need another bath), and both of her arms and her back were starting to burn with the effort. Nothing unusual, considering how long they had been at it.
'Well, of course they are a bit heavy! We have been fighting for some time now, so it's only normal that I get tired! Just… like… her?'
Asuka's face slacked in confusion.
Not a single sweat drop could be seen on Katsuragi's face. A bit of her forehead was glistening, sure, but she looked almost as fresh now as she had before they had started sparring.
'What the hell?! That's impossible! She has been twisting and turning all this time!'
Misato smiled when she saw the redhead's change in expression.
"I see that you get what I'm talking about now. Too bad that it's way too late." Asuka could see Misato tense every muscle in her body. "Time to end this!"
And then she lunged.
To her credit, Asuka managed to block the entirety of the furious flurry of blows that rained on her from practically every angle, despite her aching muscles. Some of them she could barely see coming, and others were blocked by sheer dumb luck. Nevertheless, and in spite of the redhead's best efforts, the match ended when Katsuragi performed a lightning-fast sweep at Asuka's legs that cleanly dropped her to the ground, and Misato followed that motion by thrusting the tip of her blade right on top of her opponent's neck.
Her head still spinning, Asuka could only stare in muted shock at the wooden sword just centimeters away from her face. She barely even registered Misato's words as she put her sword back into its rightful place.
"My win."
'W-what? How? T-there is no way someone can move that fast.'
Asuka had momentarily thought the same thing back when Misato had first gotten inside of her defensive circle, but had dismissed it as a freak occurrence, her senses playing tricks on her. This time however, she had clearly seen another person perform something that should have been impossible, no one could move that fast.
She was awoken from her stupor when Misato offered her a hand up.
"By the way kiddo, it's really rude to call your elders names."
From her position, and for the shortest of moments, Asuka briefly saw a green symbol shine on Misato's collarbone.
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- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
On the collarbone, not the collar. Mysteeeerious...
Ranma-sensei
Sorcerer
- Location
- Citrix Receiver
- Pronouns
- Weatherdependent
Okay, who read whose schedule?
Grammar Police! Hands away from the keyboard and to where I can see them while I proof-read:
Grammar Police! Hands away from the keyboard and to where I can see them while I proof-read:
Against
Better make that another; they've been prattling away the whole way.
Pretty sure it's fit, but I'd ask a native speaker on that one.
in
In this case 'back' is redundant.
Not wrong per se, but I'd leave the 'of' out. Sounds better.
at; also, you'll possibly want to Change 'she' into a description of Misato, or it could get confusing.
guard stances sounds way better.
at; and again, you should maybe specify the persons in the scond half of the sentence.
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- Location
- Spain
As always, thanks for the look-over. I am guilty as charged.
I think both are correct. I, for one, am sure that I have seen 'fitting' used the way I did.
I honestly don't see how that one could get confusing. I mean, Asuka is the attacker so she obviously isn't going to be back stepping.
I think both are correct. I, for one, am sure that I have seen 'fitting' used the way I did.
I honestly don't see how that one could get confusing. I mean, Asuka is the attacker so she obviously isn't going to be back stepping.
- Location
- Australia, mate
As a native english speaker, 'fitting' sounds correct to me in that line. 'Fit for combat' sounds more like it's referring to a person being physically capable.
Also, I lol'd a little when the weapon triangle thing came up.
- Location
- Spain
That's one of two FE concepts in this snippet, the other one should also shed a bit of light into what Misato's role would be if this was a classic FE game.
I might start doing character class cards at the end of each chapter, just for the fun of it.
Also, the recent mentionings of Kaworu over at A&T got me thinking about his rule in this story. I had his role pretty much set in stone, but another idea came to mind that could give him more interaction with the main group, so I'll have to see how I can apply it without screwing up any other major plot points. That's still a long ways off, though.