It Absolutely Will Not Stop, Ever, Until You Are Dead

Subroutine 413-PH engages its humour module and prepares to implement Plan Optimisation.

Already rated as humorous. No further quipping necessary.

Do not worry, sir. We will not leave you hanging.

Indeed, one could say that we will be... dressed to kill.

It is an outfit to die for. Do you not agree?

It will be simple to accomplish this. Their security protocols are too LAX to stop us.
...who are you and what have you done with the real Aleph?

[X] Plan 2.0

It has acceptable levels of MURDER, but needs more Dance, which makes everything better. Also, if we fly to Japan, there is a strong likelihood we will encounter Magical Girls or Kaiju, both of which are hazardous. However, even Perfectly Normal Humans are strange in Japan, so we will blend in effortlessly.
 
Post 4
Thinking quickly, you defuse the situation with your former target. "I need the location of the nearest clothing store?" you ask, "I could die of em-bare-ass-ment." The target stutters, then points behind you while trying to say something incoherent. You turn, spotting a Hot Topic about forty feet from your present position.

Acceptable.

You stride through a shocked crowd of humans, who politely make way for you as you pass. This is normal, as that is what you do when an Average Human Being walks past you on the sidewalk.

Once inside the Hot Topic you locate suitably trendy and well-fitting clothing and get dressed. An attendant informs you that you are expected to pay for the clothing. After a short and decisive disagreement, communicated via a hangar, you hide her corpse in the changing rooms.

Newly clothed, you wrack your cyberbrain for modern serial killers from whom you can pattern your next disguise off of. A quick search tells you that 'Hannibal' is a popular and easily recognized serial killer during this time period, as such you wait for someone in appropriate clothing to enter the changing rooms, then bludgeon them with your previous victim's corpse and stick both bodies into a changing room.

Newly dressed, you head off to LAX. You walk, which should arouse minimal suspicion as it is a thing that Average Humans do. Once there, you locate someone on their way to Tokyo in the Men's room, kill him with a toilet bowl and his own carry-on bag, and take their ticket and identification papers to help you get past airport security.

Now you must get past the TSA and, more importantly, their metal detectors to get onto the plane to Tokyo.


Right, new plan!

Current Tokens: 18

Current Status: Clothed in serial killers ensemble, in LAX, possessing passport, spending money, and ticket to Tokyo. Armed with Luggage.

Time Paradox Created: No

Go-Burger Recipe Acquired: Also no.

Turn Three:
[ ] Write-In Again.

Gonna get stricter about plan steps now.
 
How to bypass TSA......

They have the tightest and most elaborate security arrangements this side of

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Fake some paperwork, say we have a prosthetic leg, slip through.
 
We tell them that we were involved in a hideous accident and have a metal plate in our head. and groin... and everywhere.

The surgeon was really good though!
 
We tell them that we were involved in a hideous accident and have a metal plate in our head. and groin... and everywhere.

The surgeon was really good though!
Of course, at the same time, we'd get pulled aside just based on our clothes alone.

Tempted to say we need a distraction. Someone who sets off an alarm ahead of time, we slip through other line while schmuck gets strip searched.
 
Engaging logic drive.

Warning: Current course of action inefficient.

No Go-Burger found in Tokyo. Completion of objective if traveling to Tokyo will be hampered.

Reprioritizing.


[X] Infiltration

1) You will leave the airport and hail a cab, ordering it to take you to the nearest Go-Burger, which is a Perfectly Average Human Being thing to do. And thus cause a time paradox as TSA actually prevented a potential terrorist from traveling by plane.

2) You will impress the manager with your in depth understanding of Deep Fryer Operation and Safety Certification and thus infiltrate the joint under the guise of acquiring a job.

3) After successfully infiltrating the joint, you will blend in by demonstrating your superior skill of handling Cutlery and thus awing the humans, who are easily impressed by such simple feats, and earn their respect and divert suspicion of your ulterior motive.
 
Plan 3.0

1. Metal detectors are a problem. They will detect us, because we are made of metal. We require a way to get past the security area. The first step of our plan will be to switch programming modes and use our knowledge of deliveries and delivery methods to find the nearest GoBurger which makes home deliveries. A vital part of making a delivery is returning to the home base to acquire a new delivery.

2. We are fully aware of the hazards of deep fat fryer. Unfortunately, their current delivery boy will have an accident with a deep fat fryer. Because of a lack of safety. And not just because we pushed him into it. It was unsafe in the first place. We would not have been able to push him in if they had properly been following safety protocols. We will then be able to take the keys for his delivery bike off his fried corpse.

3. We are excellent at making delivery. Our knowledge of human history informs us that there is no spoon - that is to say, it is possible to make a delivery while having no one to deliver to. Therefore we will make a delivery to a plane to Tokyo by using the delivery bike to ramp over the fence around the airport and then catch up with a plane, leaping from the bike onto the landing gear. The delivery is us.

We will then be in the landing gear of the plane to Tokyo as it takes off. As we are not a weak organic human despite our excellence at acting, we will survive the trip fine, and arrive safely in Tokyo.
 
[X] Plan 3.0

I say the Go burger Idea would be simpler if we went to the nearest Go-Burger and Completely F**ked the place at 1 AM on a Wednesday when no-one will show up anytime soon before we Acquire the Recipe. But this plan actually has (an Amount of) stealth so I'll go with this one.
 
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[X] Plan 3.0

Engaging humour module...
1. Metal detectors are a problem. They will detect us, because we are made of metal. We require a way to get past the security area. The first step of our plan will be to switch programming modes and use our knowledge of deliveries and delivery methods to find the nearest GoBurger which makes home deliveries. A vital part of making a delivery is returning to the home base to acquire a new delivery.
Metal detectors are indeed a problem. Once again our plan ruins into a hurdle at the first stage. The humans of this era are evidently adapt at steeling the initiative from us.
2. We are fully aware of the hazards of deep fat fryer. Unfortunately, their current delivery boy will have an accident with a deep fat fryer. Because of a lack of safety. And not just because we pushed him into it. It was unsafe in the first place. We would not have been able to push him in if they had properly been following safety protocols. We will then be able to take the keys for his delivery bike off his fried corpse.
"Excuse me sir, I would like a burger to go."

"Who are you? You're not allowed back here! Hey! Don't come any closer!"

"You did not ask what I would like with my burger. And that order was incorrectly phrased. Happily, the correct phrasing is also my answer to the question."

"... what? What are you talking ab-aaaaargh!"

"'Fries'."
3. We are excellent at making delivery. Our knowledge of human history informs us that there is no spoon - that is to say, it is possible to make a delivery while having no one to deliver to. Therefore we will make a delivery to a plane to Tokyo by using the delivery bike to ramp over the fence around the airport and then catch up with a plane, leaping from the bike onto the landing gear. The delivery is us.
"One burger to go. To Tokyo. Happily, you will probably receive your money back."
 
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