My point in the 'you should maybe take a rest too' is that it doesn't even correctly feel like an afterthought, which is what I assume you were intending. Instead it feels....completely out of the blue. Not like Carol's voice in what we feel/see of her, at least in her interlude, though our insight into the Dallon family home life outside of immediate conflict is admittedly limited. Meant it more in comparison to 'fawning' over Vicky as much as occurs here, when I don't remember that, specifically.
Citation for any canon instance where they do interact and it's
specifically not like that? No? Okay then.
As for the narrative device, the thing that gets me is that...it falls on the 'wrong' side of plausible, if that makes sense? Not in a 'it could never happen' way, but rather, it (the idea of the a dying member of the Marque checking up on Amy) feels like a could-have-been that feels more dissonant as it didn't happen...dunno if I'm explaining it well.
Okay, wait, just checking something.
Huh. It looks like I
did put the "AU" designation on the title. So it
is an Alternate Universe. Just wanted to make sure before I kept going.
So, what I'm trying to work out here is this: you have issue with an
alternate universe fanfic original character coming in and giving a canon character a much-needed incentive to change her ways. Not that she changes her ways, or how she changes them, but the
actual plot device involved.
And yet, you don't give me any feedback on what sort of plot device you'd
prefer to see in Fred's place. Just that you object to said plot device.
In my other fanfics, I've had the following plot devices happen:
An angel comes to Brockton Bay and proceeds to fix everything.
Taylor dies in the locker, but she gets better.
Taylor beats up Madison in the toilets. They both get detention.
Taylor joins the Wards and becomes battle buddies with Shadow Stalker.
Mike Allen ends up in Scion's head. Mayhem ensues.
Taylor triggers with the ability to tell the future by throwing dice.
Emma dies in the alley. Taylor is devastated.
Taylor and Sophia, on therapy mandated together time, meet a brother and sister by the name of Brian and Aisha. Sophia is attracted to Brian.
After the bank robbery, Amy finds that she has a middle-aged man in her head.
A sixteen year old high school student triggers with teleport-themed Tinker abilities.
There is a world where the Wormverse is mirror-imaged.
A cranky git wakes up in an alley with electrical powers.
Emma gets powers in the alley. She remains Taylor's best friend.
New Dehli goes badly; Taylor is sent back in time by Phir Se.
A fanfic-writing security guard ends up in the Wormverse.
Taylor is befriended by none other than the Empire Eighty-Eight.
Taylor triggers with the power to copy anyone else's powers.
Taylor turns into a dragon. Glory Girl is thrilled.
A sentient starship and his bounty hunter companion show up to the Leviathan battle.
Taylor and Danny trigger with linked powers. They are OP.
Taylor is in the alley and triggers with powers. She is OP.
Brian, as a Stranger, goes to Winslow for ... relief.
Panacea and Vista form a conspiracy to get what they want.
And you pick
this one to call implausible?
I mean....yes, but either PIggot capitulates (not immediately likely), or Amy continues with her refusal/escalates to everyone not getting where she's coming from, and I don't know if a several-week-long meetings with Fred would be able to give her such a backbone that she struggled with her entire life to proceed with things as they are, especially with her own misgivings about her whole identity, both in power-application and in her lack of self-confidence via neglect/lack-of-love.
The 'rationalization' in that she'll 'never be' Carol's daughter gives context, as does the never getting Victoria, but I don't know if it necessarily places the pieces together well enough to make the puzzle really fit at the moment, at least in such a manner to go marching up to the PRT director.
3 weeks from a nice, dying old acquaintance 'can' make such a radical difference in a person's life, but here, the dot-connecting, to me, didn't feel all there.
So what was missing?
In canon, she wasn't exactly a nervous wreck after the bank, but in a much more 'depressed' space than what she's currently showing. Fred accounts for that, yes, but she's entirely opposed to villainy because she's scared of how devastating she could be.
You seem to be assuming that I'm going to make her into a villain.
Eh...I dunno. From what we see of him, he's civil, but he's pretty set on the ole' conflict path. He has rules, which may allow him to 'bend' to Amy's need for a lawful father figure, but I specifically recall mention of him having a savage side.
So does Armsmaster. So do a lot of the so-called heroes. And
Marquis wouldn't have set Taylor up to be killed.
