((CW: Emotional processing of highly stressful recent events, discussion thereof. See CWs for Judgement.))
- whip, blood, laughter -
You wake with a gasp, and start up from your bed - only to be pushed gently back down by a blanket of tails.
"Kumi," you breathe - and then you realize the tails are golden, not white.
Aya smiles sadly at you from a chair by your bedside. "I'm afraid you're stuck with me, Eli. Kumi's with her elfwife."
You hug her tails anyway. "...thank you. How long have you been-?"
"About half an hour now: Ishaza couldn't delay her clients any longer."
You take a breath: somehow everything seems lighter. Your sisters - they still care about you, even though -
"- how's Liath?"
"She's alright, or as alright as anyone can ever be after one of these things. Tasha's been attending her."
Slowly, you sit up in bed, still hugging the foof of Aya's tails. "- I hurt her, and I - I was going to hurt her more - "
Aya nods. "Yes. But you didn't, and you know you were wrong. Right?"
You take another deep breath. "I - "
"Oh, don't get me wrong, she was fucking wrong too and I'm glad to see her taken down a peg, we all knew this was going to happen sometime and you drew the short straw of something worth confronting her directly over - but you still hurt her. You're in the wrong too. Less than her, but some."
"...yeah." You hug her tail closer. "I should - apologize -" You take another shuddering breath - "don'tmakemeapologizerightnow."
Aya - shifts her hand in, and you nod a little. She pets you gently.
"I wasn't planning on it. Nobody is in any state for you two to try and kiss and make up. You've still got her damn kiss on you, for Goddess' sake - she
kissedyou, what was she
thinking - so. Ishaza's orders are simple: you're not to do anything even mildly stressful until that kiss fades, you're not to leave the temple, and you're not to see Liath at all, nor is she to see you. Wonder of wonders, she actually agreed to that. I think she's rationalizing it as you being unworthy of her time, but Liath Almighty took a damn order from another Sister who knew better. It's a fucking miracle."
Aya lets out a sigh,
heh, and shakes her head. "I think, in the long term, that everyone might be better off from this. Maybe Liath will be less of a prick. I'm just - I'm sad it had to come to this, that she couldn't bend and so she had to shatter. It - happens sometimes, but… It's never fun for anyone." Her fingers tangle in your hair, and she carefully unteases the knot caught between them. "So - how can I help, Elisandra? Just tell me and I'll be at your service."
You - take stock. Fuck, your neck still aches - you're not poking that. The scratches on your chest have faded, but you've bled a little on your bedsheets and your dress is probably beyond saving.
As for your emotions… you take a breath, and don't flinch away. You're a priestess, you can do this. You've got… guilt, for hurting her. Fear... of being thrown out of the order, of Liath hurting you more, of being a bad person, of being a bad priestess. Shame… you really should know how to do the First Quarter rite, Liath had a point, but that's not all… fuck. Fuck, you got off on it, didn't you. It was terrifying and scary and
hot and you're not sure that was all Liath getting into your head. What the fuck, Elisandra.
Your fingers tighten on Aya's tail, and your breath hitches, but you keep going. You - you can't stop halfway. Okay, you got off on it, that's called masochism, there's nothing wrong with that, you already knew that you were a masochist, and to be frank being bossed around by a literal succubus has been the subject of your idle fantasies before. There's nothing weird about that.
… okay, that's. Settled enough for the moment let's just. Keep going. What else… - Anger. It would be stupid if you weren't angry at her, she fucking sexually assaulted you, actually really assaulted you, threatened to
kill you, of course you're angry, your own
Sister -
Okay, okay you're feeling betrayed. That. Makes some sense, yeah. But nothing to be done about that right now, only time will help with that. You rub your face against the floof of Aya's tail: it helps a bit.
Oh, you're crying. You're probably sad. That makes sense too, everything's gone to hell and it's all because you wanted to protect your date with Thistle -
Doesn't Liath perform in Threefold?
Oh
Goddess you've been such a fucking idiot. The performance is going to be cancelled at this rate, your date's going to be ruined because you fucked up Liath so hard and it'll be one hundred percent your fault -
"Breathe," says a soft voice at your shoulder.
You startle, pull away - IT'S AYA you idiot, it's not her - you manage to meet her eyes.
"Breathe for me," she says. "Innnnnnnn…"
You take a deep breath.
"And ouuuuuuuuut."
You exhale.
"Innnnnnnn…"
Another breath.
"And ouuuuuut."
Exhale.
You press your head to your knees, feeling the fluff of Aya's tails, and sigh.
"I've been such a fucking idiot."
"Which many people say is the first step to improvement." Aya's voice carries a smile.
You laugh despite yourself: it comes out a little choked, but your lips curve up. You lay your head back against the headboard, and look at Aya: she's - beautiful.
"Thank you for caring about me," you say.
Aya smiles, and takes your hand. "I'm your Sister," she says. "It's my job to care about you."
You squeeze her hand. "Yeah," you say. "Thanks for not fucking up."
Her smile widens into a smirk. "Yeah, it'd just be embarrassing for three sisters to screw up in one day."
You grin, and - then the laughter pours out of you, all your nervous tension bubbling over, spilling out, and when you finally stop you feel lighter again, tired but - everything could turn out okay, everything could be fine. You run a hand through the mess of your hair, brush away your tears.
"- I," You start, "I need to be with you. All of you. I've only really spent time with Kumi since Choosing Day, I miss you all, but -"
"But you were scared we'd realize how much Thiassa mattered to you."
"Yeah." You - can't lie to her.
"Well, cat's out of the bag on that one now, Eli. You don't get in a screaming argument with Liath over just any old client. You love her, don't you?"
"Yeah." It feels - freeing, admitting it. "I really, really do."
"And you were worried you'd be thrown out of the order for it?"
You nod.
Aya smiles sadly. "That's not how it works, Eli. You need to review your vows. Yes, you can't be a priestess if you've dedicated yourself to the love of another - but
that's because you're supposed to be dedicating all your time to the one you love, that's the most important duty, you silly girl. You'll be released from your vows and given a permanent stipend - did you think we charged such exorbitant fees just to maintain a handful of buildings and keep the shrines looking pretty?"
You blush. "I, uh, I never really thought about it. I considered getting in touch with a retired Sister, but -"
"You had other things on your mind, I understand." Aya smiles. "Don't worry, you'll not be - excommunicated. You'll just retire."
"Will I still be able to come see you all?"
Aya nods. "Like any other visitor, yes. But you'll not take clients or maintain the shrines, you'll be forbidden from performing any other duty in the Goddess' service - ah ah ah, you're about to argue, let me finish - because while the Goddess realizes that
love is infinite and can be shared with many, your
time is not, and the best way to prevent former priestesses from fucking up their work-life balance is by forbidding them to work. You can't put both us and Thiassa first, that's
just not how priorities work in the real world."
You - nod. "That seems - fair, I guess."
Aya squeezes your hand gently. "It'll be okay. Whatever you choose, we're here for you. Yes, there'll be some trouble finding a successor, but I'm told we have a new Marked in our next batch of supplicants..."
You nod. "Rose. - we're looking after her right, right? She seemed - sad, when I met her -"
Aya pats your hand gently. "It'll be okay. The Goddess knows best in these matters. As for
you, Elisandra: you need to get out of bed and
do something, if you just sit here in your bloody dress you'll stew and make things worse for yourself. Get up, take the damn thing off, have a hot shower so you feel half-decent, and we'll talk about what to do next when you return. Alright?"
You nod. "Alright."
Aya stands, still holding your hand tight. She looks down at you expectantly.
You shift, letting your feet fall to the floor, cough and sniffle, then look up at her. Pulling on her arm, you hoist yourself to your feet.
"I trust you know where your own shower is?"
You nod.
"Give me your robes and I'll take them for mending while you're in the shower."
You shrug them off: Aya's seen you naked before, and you're too exhausted to really give a fuck.
"Now go clean yourself up, and we'll see each other again soon."
You nod.
-----
When you return from the shower, Aya's lying on your bed, reading a book. She looks up at you, and smiles. "You look a lot less dead now, girl. Shower helped?"
You nod, absently adjusting your towel toga. "Yeah. Is the dress salvageable?"
She dips her head from side to side. "It'll never be quite the same - some of the more delicate embroidery was lost - but it's mendable. Like your relationship."
You sigh. "Yes, Aya, I got the metaphor, you don't need to use a ten-ton sledgehammer."
She shrugs. "You seem to be missing things lately, so..."
You scowl at her, but - yeah, you deserved that. You grumpily flop down in a nearby chair.
"So," Aya says. "What now?"
[ ] "... could you hug me and reassure me that I'm a good person and that you don't hate me?"
[ ] "... could you carry an apology to Liath for me?"
[ ] "... can I see Tasha?"
[ ] "- who else can I talk to I've been distant for far too long -"
[X] "Her kiss - aches - what does it do, am I going to be okay?"
[X] "I - I need to work through something. Promise you'll listen and not judge?"
[X] "- have I really been falling down on the job as a priestess?"
[X] "- I got off on it when, um. When Liath assaulted me. It was hot and I - I don't know what to do about it."
[X] "- why didn't anybody do anything about Liath sooner? Why me? Why by accident?"
[ ] "- I was going to hurt her and it felt completely justified, it felt right, and I'm scared of being that person -"
[ ] "I still want to hurt her, part of me wants to fuck her up, it's not satisfied -"
[ ] "- Liath will fucking kill me if she can I know she will she has every reason to I was going to abuse her -"
[ ] "- Liath can't really throw me out of the order, can she? Please, please tell me she can't."
[ ] "- I didn't break her, right? Liath is ok? Tell me again that she's ok."
[X] "- I have no idea what I'm going to tell Thistle about all this shit."
[ ] "I - being hurt like that, walked on, it makes me need to have control but I don't trust my own decisions right now -"
[ ] "- what the fuck happened to Liath that made her like that, she's terrifying -"
[ ] "Please, please reassure me that I'm nothing like Liath."
[ ] "If Liath can hurt me this much, and I can hurt her, what sort of place are we making for Rose?"
[ ] "Why isn't Tasha here?"
[ ] "- you're not just helping me because you're afraid I'll hurt Liath more, right, you're not - taking her side -"
[ ] "Do you think the Goddess can forgive me?"
[ ] "- Liath's not going to recover in time for the Sunday performance, is she?"
[ ] "I feel like this is all my fault even though it's not."
[ ] "- I feel like you shouldn't trust me anymore."
[ ] "I - my libido is acting up, I don't want to - have you here, it's bad, I - want to do things -"
[ ] "- could I play my violin for you, I never got a chance to practice yesterday -"
[ ] "Want to play chess?"
[ ] "What are you reading?"
[ ] "Can I call Thistle, she needs to know -"
[X] "I want to - go visit the shrines."
[ ] "Where's the furthest place in the temple from Liath?"
[ ] "Are you going to just - shadow me all day to make sure I don't get into another fight with Liath?"
[ ] "Why can't I leave the temple?"
[ ] "Rose needs to know that this kind of thing happens here, she deserves to -"
[X] "Can we - catch up, a little? I've missed you."
[X] Tell her about your date with Thistle.
[ ] In sexy detail!
[X] Tell her about how Ishaza found fresh sunflowers for you.
[ ] Tell her how Ishaza read you like a damn book with her box of "sex toys."
[ ] Tell her about your date with Spike.
[ ] In sexy detail!
[ ] - or should you say Tori?
[ ] Ask if she knows anything more about Rose.
[ ] Tell her about what you did with Kumi yesterday.
[ ] And invite her to help you get back at Ishaza.
[ ] In sexy detail!
[ ] And how much it helped you.
[ ] And ask her to thank her for you.
[X] Ask about the First Quarter Ritual - what does it involve again? You remember it being long and exhausting and having lots of fucking, but -
[ ] Why does Tasha usually do it?
[ ] Tell her about your plans for Sunday.
[ ] And ask her if she's seen any of Cheri's shows recently.
[ ] Tell her about your sunflower necklace.
[ ] And ask her if she knows where you could find a matching one for Thistle.
[ ] Tell her about how you've been keeping up with your duties around the temple.
[X] "What have you been doing since Choosing? Is Direwolf - good to you?"
[ ] "He's surprisingly hot for, well, a wolf."
[ ] "- do you feel like sharing at all?"
[ ] "Why on earth is he interested in tea?"
[ ] "Have you taken other clients?"
[X] "What's been happening around the temple?"
[X] "I'm not - interrupting you, am I?"
[ ] "... please just go away, I want to be alone."
