A look into what I think Hanabi is going through.
'We must be sure to meet at a later date' he said.
My heart seizes on that, drinking in the words, to quench it's dried out husk. I reply, the smile never leaving from my face.
He...doesn't hate me. That's… about as much as I can expect at this point.
I stare at Wanli. A part of me hates her, hates her for being here, for talking to Hiruma-san. Another part knows that if I can't even call him by his first name, with kun in my own head, well I really have no room to talk.
But it doesn't matter, not really.
Hiruma-san is my salvation.
Salvation from being just Mirumoto Hanabi, from being a stupid samurai-ko with nothing to her name, and even less to her spirit.
I can't blame Wanli for being drawn into him, not when I am too. I can be jealous of her figure though; does Hiruma-san prefer women who look like that?
No don't think like that Hanabi. You… you have a chance, he'll understand.
He has to understand...if he doesn't....if he doesn't, I'll make him understand somehow. I need him. I need him to make me complete, to be more than I am.
I couldn't help that if I tried, and Fortune's know I'm not trying. Why would I?
My mind slides back to a very naughty series of thoughts...and the image that inspired them. It hadn't been intentional to see him like that. Not before the wedding night …er …um...Hanabi you aren't making sense in your own head.
A bath a bath to relax that was all it had been. A bath where I dreamed about the hero, about the Hiruma Sousuke, and then he showed up across from me.
And he was polite, I think, his voice surprised me, it wasn't the rich smooth baritone I expected, more of a bass really, but still somehow mesmerizing.
I'm glad there was no one else to see my instinctive reaction of getting up and bowing, even though he couldn't see me.
And as I bowed, I saw through the smallest of cracks to see him. To see a defined rippling chest, not unscarred no, but one that was perfect all the same. Exuding a protective masculinity...that his arms did nothing to change; I would feel safe in those arms protected.
I had thought...I thought I could control it. That even if I admired him, admired him as a legend, even if he doesn't know it. That my heart would be safe, that I wouldn't dare to dream like I had before, and lost like I had before. But when I saw him I shattered, my defenses meaningless as I took him In.
He could have commanded me to kill myself in that moment, and I would have been happy to just be acknowledged. Then miracle of miracles he talked to me as a normal person. Not as the strange Dragon... he even called me sama.
I know he did that to be polite, but to one who was always...me; it felt precious. As he agreed to go to dinner, my adoration
grew. I don't think it can ever stop growing.
And it nearly cost me him. I know that even if that bitch of Lion got in the way--
Calm down Hanabi.
We hold one of the larger temples to Benten in our lands...and yet she is very cruel.
When I saw him...there could be no other; I needed him. I needed him to look at me with love, to hold me, to be the one person who understood...understood that whatever else happened, I was broken without him, only whole with him.
Seeing him just now only makes it grow, a fire burning me within consuming everything. Will his touch quench this agonizing desire that curls around my chest?
Fortunes...why is this...why is this me? I need him, I love him.
My On holds strong as we escort the Unicorn, at last to the Daimyo, and wait.
Hiruma-san...you'll understand won't you? That this foolish Dragon was never meant to be this way, to be this thing that clings to others like a limpet. (I'm not entirely sure what a limpet is exactly, but its how father described me once)
And so as I bow, I whisper another invocation to the Fortunes...please, please let him understand, let him be my salvation.
My hands flex, almost grabbing my sword.
No he will be my salvation.
He has to.