3.13
Winged Knight
Still just a crazy man with a wolf on his head
- Location
- Texas
[x] Gman
"Alright?" you ask, tasting the word. Truthfully, you're not sure what it even means any more. "What counts as alright, Shirou-san?" You shake your head, clearing your thoughts. "I will tell you what happened, my friend. As to if I'm alright? I honestly don't know right now. All I can do is push forward and endure."
You take a deep breath, steadying yourself. Even just thinking about what happened is… distressing. It brings a throbbing in your skull, as if someone was stabbing it lightly with a knife. Frowning, you ignore the sensation and carry on.
"As the creature screamed I found myself in a world where the Empire had fallen," you say, restraining a shudder at the memory. You can still imagine it all so clearly, that horrible lie you were so convinced was truth. "The darkness of the south had consumed us all... I was shattered, tortured, pushed past anything a man could endure...and then told to chose between my mother and my father."
"Sosuke-sama," Shirou whispered, his eyes wide with horror. "That is…"
"I chose to die with them, and the illusion shattered as the creature raged," you continue, pressing on while you still have the drive. "Then I burned. I burned with the fire of the sun searing my skin and soul. The white light coursed through me such that I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. All I could do was move and attack the creature with everything I was."
You inhale, and then exhale. You are being far more detailed here than you had been with your superior. You're not entirely certain why. You respect Yasuki Goro deeply, but it is not the same as talking with Shirou. The courtier is your superior, while the monk is your friend. It is simply… easier, to speak with him about this.
Memories, what little remains, assault you. But they are not like true memories, not a recollection of events. You instead have vague images and feelings. Anger… disgust… conviction… All this and more snakes through your thoughts as you try to pull the events of the battle into focus. You have to wrestle with it, lest it overtake you and pull you away from the present.
"I managed to focus a little as Shasa called out to me," you go on. "I could hear her. but I couldn't recognize her. All that mattered was killing that creature, so I did. And as I did, the portal deepened. I had to stop it too, so I poured my fire, my hate, my power into it. I poured it deep, and the doorway closed." You shake your head. "But not enough, not nearly enough."
You turn to the window and look outside. The view isn't particularly spectacular. All you see is a series of rooftops illuminated by the still rising sun. This is simply a village, just like any that can be found in Rokugan. But it is also the representation of what you fought for, what you managed to save. The sight of it helps you push on, continuing to the most painful part of your recollection.
"When the fire died, there was nothing left but pain and exhaustion," you whisper. "I was in no position to stop Shasa as she closed the portal, somehow." You close your eyes, pushing back the memory of her final smile. "And as she died, I collapsed. I don't know what happened to me, I truly don't. I only wonder… if I had been stronger somehow, would we still have our friend?"
"That is an unfair question, Sosuke-sama," Shirou says, stepping forward and placing a hand on your shoulder. "You did all that you could, and even more besides. I doubt there is any Samurai in the Empire who could have done what you did."
"Shirou-san, I don't even know what I did," you exclaim, turning around and knocking Shirou's arm away. "I wasn't even myself when I fought! Something else used my hands, directed that fire. It was everything I could do not to fall apart!"
"If you do not know," Shirou says, uncaring that you struck away his hand. He smiles at you, his expression gentle. "Then perhaps that is the best place to start. The Dragon hold much knowledge, and their neighbors, the Phoenix, hold even more. You might be able to learn what happened from them."
Your friends words make you stop short, your reply dying in your mouth. You hadn't thought of that. The Dragon are very wise in spiritual matters, and the Phoenix are without question the masters of magic and understanding the kami. If you tell some of their scholars what happened, you might be able to get proper answers.
But on the other hand, Yasuki Goro mentioned he wanted to be careful about who learned of these events. It could be very bad if the wrong people learned all the details of what occurred. Whatever you decide to do, you will need to be wary.
[] Write in.
"Alright?" you ask, tasting the word. Truthfully, you're not sure what it even means any more. "What counts as alright, Shirou-san?" You shake your head, clearing your thoughts. "I will tell you what happened, my friend. As to if I'm alright? I honestly don't know right now. All I can do is push forward and endure."
You take a deep breath, steadying yourself. Even just thinking about what happened is… distressing. It brings a throbbing in your skull, as if someone was stabbing it lightly with a knife. Frowning, you ignore the sensation and carry on.
"As the creature screamed I found myself in a world where the Empire had fallen," you say, restraining a shudder at the memory. You can still imagine it all so clearly, that horrible lie you were so convinced was truth. "The darkness of the south had consumed us all... I was shattered, tortured, pushed past anything a man could endure...and then told to chose between my mother and my father."
"Sosuke-sama," Shirou whispered, his eyes wide with horror. "That is…"
"I chose to die with them, and the illusion shattered as the creature raged," you continue, pressing on while you still have the drive. "Then I burned. I burned with the fire of the sun searing my skin and soul. The white light coursed through me such that I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. All I could do was move and attack the creature with everything I was."
You inhale, and then exhale. You are being far more detailed here than you had been with your superior. You're not entirely certain why. You respect Yasuki Goro deeply, but it is not the same as talking with Shirou. The courtier is your superior, while the monk is your friend. It is simply… easier, to speak with him about this.
Memories, what little remains, assault you. But they are not like true memories, not a recollection of events. You instead have vague images and feelings. Anger… disgust… conviction… All this and more snakes through your thoughts as you try to pull the events of the battle into focus. You have to wrestle with it, lest it overtake you and pull you away from the present.
"I managed to focus a little as Shasa called out to me," you go on. "I could hear her. but I couldn't recognize her. All that mattered was killing that creature, so I did. And as I did, the portal deepened. I had to stop it too, so I poured my fire, my hate, my power into it. I poured it deep, and the doorway closed." You shake your head. "But not enough, not nearly enough."
You turn to the window and look outside. The view isn't particularly spectacular. All you see is a series of rooftops illuminated by the still rising sun. This is simply a village, just like any that can be found in Rokugan. But it is also the representation of what you fought for, what you managed to save. The sight of it helps you push on, continuing to the most painful part of your recollection.
"When the fire died, there was nothing left but pain and exhaustion," you whisper. "I was in no position to stop Shasa as she closed the portal, somehow." You close your eyes, pushing back the memory of her final smile. "And as she died, I collapsed. I don't know what happened to me, I truly don't. I only wonder… if I had been stronger somehow, would we still have our friend?"
"That is an unfair question, Sosuke-sama," Shirou says, stepping forward and placing a hand on your shoulder. "You did all that you could, and even more besides. I doubt there is any Samurai in the Empire who could have done what you did."
"Shirou-san, I don't even know what I did," you exclaim, turning around and knocking Shirou's arm away. "I wasn't even myself when I fought! Something else used my hands, directed that fire. It was everything I could do not to fall apart!"
"If you do not know," Shirou says, uncaring that you struck away his hand. He smiles at you, his expression gentle. "Then perhaps that is the best place to start. The Dragon hold much knowledge, and their neighbors, the Phoenix, hold even more. You might be able to learn what happened from them."
Your friends words make you stop short, your reply dying in your mouth. You hadn't thought of that. The Dragon are very wise in spiritual matters, and the Phoenix are without question the masters of magic and understanding the kami. If you tell some of their scholars what happened, you might be able to get proper answers.
But on the other hand, Yasuki Goro mentioned he wanted to be careful about who learned of these events. It could be very bad if the wrong people learned all the details of what occurred. Whatever you decide to do, you will need to be wary.
[] Write in.
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