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Flames (Worm AU)

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Fencer said:
That glint I was loving more and more sparked in his eyes,
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This line needs clarification.

Is it her hinting at romantic feelings for her new minion? Because if so, that's coming out of nowhere, and seems forced. I mean... you haven't even given this guy much of a character yet. Even if he's supposed to be a crossover character from KHR or something, as this is primarily posted for a Worm fanbase he still needs more than just a cursory "this is his name and appearance" description, he needs actual character traits, likes, proclivities, quirks, all that sort of thing.

Is it about her loving the glint of... what, defiance? Whatever the glint in his eyes is?

Perhaps change "loving" to "enjoying." This would both clarify the point and allow any romantic decisions to be put off until his character is fleshed out enough for people to actually care whether he lives or dies. As it stands his existence has more impact as "future source of infinite clean water" than anything else, which... obviously is not ideal.

Even after he gets fleshed out, however, I'm not sure the Taylor you've written for this story would actually start a relationship with him. I mean, a big part of the story is an emphasis on how Taylor is planning ahead for the apocalypse rationally, intelligently, and methodically -- any actions she takes that would obviously have a high chance of hindering her goals, such as risking her working relationship with a person who could be utterly pivotal to the success of her future colony plans, don't really fit in this context, even if she is a teenager and therefore inherently prone to short-sightedness.
 
MaskedCritic said:
This line needs clarification.

Is it her hinting at romantic feelings for her new minion? Because if so, that's coming out of nowhere, and seems forced. I mean... you haven't even given this guy much of a character yet. Even if he's supposed to be a crossover character from KHR or something, as this is primarily posted for a Worm fanbase he still needs more than just a cursory "this is his name and appearance" description, he needs actual character traits, likes, proclivities, quirks, all that sort of thing.

Is it about her loving the glint of... what, defiance? Whatever the glint in his eyes is?

Perhaps change "loving" to "enjoying." This would both clarify the point and allow any romantic decisions to be put off until his character is fleshed out enough for people to actually care whether he lives or dies. As it stands his existence has more impact as "future source of infinite clean water" than anything else, which... obviously is not ideal.

Even after he gets fleshed out, however, I'm not sure the Taylor you've written for this story would actually start a relationship with him. I mean, a big part of the story is an emphasis on how Taylor is planning ahead for the apocalypse rationally, intelligently, and methodically -- any actions she takes that would obviously have a high chance of hindering her goals, such as risking her working relationship with a person who could be utterly pivotal to the success of her future colony plans, don't really fit in this context, even if she is a teenager and therefore inherently prone to short-sightedness.
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The glint in his eye is what reborn would call the look of a natural hitman. To be more verbose, it's something cold and clinical and merciless. The willingness to apply exactly as much violence as the situation requires and not regret that action in the aftermath.

taylor loves that look and what it means to have it under her command. It does not mean that she's romantically interested in him.

I've got vague idea for a pairing which does not include rain and I'll almost have to make the character whole cloth even if I do draw some inspiration from KHR. Because KHR characterization is minimal at best for most characters. And that'll be a far more involved dance than Taylor feeling attracted.
 
I noticed a lot of homophones wrong in text. Things like steel for steal, site for sight. There were more but I was invested in the story. Pretty brutal but sets the story to go in interesting ways.
 
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Shadowcub said:
No you don't make deals with blackmailers and certainly not kidnappers. Yeah its time to go to the mattresses with these goofs, get your eyes fixed Tay, and get some tinker tech facial protection. This is what happens when you have someone who doesn't make threats they fulfill promises.

Well Max?
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Can we just take a moment to appreciate that this meme has a black man telling this line to a neo nazi?
 
When you kidnap someone's loved ones you have pushed the nuclear option. They will never trust you again.
All Max did was buy time for his organization, because how has he kept a secret identity for this long? He probably takes the twins everywhere with him. And that first name?

He's outted, the hero's just can't act on it......yet. Yeah sometimes you take make a mistake like that purse snatcher who mugged a mafia don mother. The look on his face was so damn funny when he realized how much trouble he was in. 😹
 
Shadowcub said:
He's outted, the hero's just can't act on it......yet.
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What makes you think that? The Empire is much weaker than it had been in years and there isn't any other strong cape gang the Protectorate needs to watch for, on the other hand the E88 just thoroughly shat on the unwritten rules, that means that the only way to avoid a massive gang war is if the E88 is shut down quickly. The PRT very much can act to take out the E88.
 
The PRT isn't going to do anything, the gangs are gone and someone else did all of the heavy lifting. The PRT probably already has a list with everyone's name on it, that's how their government works. Without the E88, the Teeth, Accord and entire bunch of crazies would be ready to pile into Brockton Bay.

If anything, Max is going to law low for awhile, trying to get more Nazi help before all hell breaks loose. The PRT is incompetent as hell, if they can't keep Uber and Leet in jail, I'm not holding them to be able to keep the peace, take credit for it yes. But they've been remarkably ineffectual in their actions so far.

Max only got so bold because Taylor took everyone else out. Most people would have folded knowing the Nazis had their parent, Taylor just played hardball. Escalation at its best. When I see people moaning about Taylor being a unreliable narrator or escalating for the sake of escalation you have to remember she's living in a semi Mad Max world.

Mad Max escalated because that was the only thing that people respected. In that movie about the FBI, "they put one of yours in the hospital you put theirs in the ground." The PRT are as dependable as the police where I live, and that's as useless as the tits on a boar.

They barely managed to catch a teenage vigilante (Sophia) and that's probably because she screwed up more than any special actions on their part.
 
Oh my God, this is fucking great. More conflict for the God of conflict. Escalation for the throne of Escalation. An eye for an eye and the world will go blind. (I wonder if I would be a good shard? This is an idea for a new fanfic... hmm)
:thonk:
 
Fencer said:
Good analysis but I'd remind everyone that the ABB is effectively dead. Lung's been caged Bakuda and Lee are dead. All that's left are the rank and file trying not to be crushed as the Empire expands and tries to crush the Merchants.

also Tay's civ ID was an open secret already. Between her new injury really giving it away, just being generally fed up, and being able to put her time to better use not in school... well she's had it and is ready to put her all into her chosen profession.
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My bad, I'd forgotten Lung hadn't escaped this time.
As for Taylor's civ ID, there's everyone knowing, but at least paying lip service to the unwritten rules, and then there's Taylor just flipping the table, and shouting out what everyone else would not whisper if they were in public.
 
You know... there is an obvious name for what Taylor is trying to do. A perfect safe place to survive the end. Where humanity can hold out and survive. It even fits with her theme...

...Taylor is trying to make an Avalon.

A hope for tomorrow.
A place where humanity can survive the coming storm.

...and little does she know the power the Flames of the Sky are going to give her when the time comes.

Leviathan is going to die. And I'm going to LOVE IT!
 
PrinceOfDoom said:
Leviathan is going to die.
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Teiwaz said:
Leviathan is not alive tho?
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Ever heard of a dead battery?
While you are semantically right that Leviathan would be considered an "inanimate object" and thus incapable of both "life" and "death" it is often considered to be the death of an inanimate object when it ceases to function and or is destroyed. Like killing a process on a computer, or killing the lights in a room or indeed a dead battery. Neither of which have ever been "alive" and thus neither can technically be "killed" or "die".

PrinceOfDoom said:
Giant kraken. With tentacles it can shove through Leviathan's body coated in red fire.
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Tzardok said:
No one who has ever seen Levi would ever call him a lifeless thing. :p
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As our Lord and "Saviour" Google says;
"All living organisms share several key characteristics or functions: order, sensitivity or response to the environment, reproduction, adaptation, growth and development, homeostasis, energy processing, and evolution. When viewed together, these characteristics serve to define life."
As the Leviathan does not reproduce (thank God), adapt grow or develop by this definition it is not alive thus meaning it is inanimate.

P.S. inanimate comes from Latin in which "in", means "not," and animatus, translates to "alive."
Inanimate translates literally to "not alive"
 
captain_belgica said:
P.S. inanimate comes from Latin in which "in", means "not," and animatus, translates to "alive."
Inanimate translates literally to "not alive"
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Sure, but the origin of a word does not need to match its modern meaning. To give an example: the German word "Mädchen" is derived from "Maid", meaning maiden, and "-chen", a diminutive suffix, in other word, it means little. Today, the word simply means girl.
Inanimate, in the sense it is used today, means roughly "able to move under its own volition". A robot is animate, a computer is inanimate. A zombie is animate, a corpse is inanimate. Neither of those are alive.
By declaring the Endbringers inanimate, you put them into the same category as a rock on the ground. Earth Bet wishes it were that way.
 
Tzardok said:
Sure, but the origin of a word does not need to match its modern meaning. To give an example: the German word "Mädchen" is derived from "Maid", meaning maiden, and "-chen", a diminutive suffix, in other word, it means little. Today, the word simply means girl.
Inanimate, in the sense it is used today, means roughly "able to move under its own volition". A robot is animate, a computer is inanimate. A zombie is animate, a corpse is inanimate. Neither of those are alive.
By declaring the Endbringers inanimate, you put them into the same category as a rock on the ground. Earth Bet wishes it were that way.
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While your general point (the origin of words often has very little to do with their modern meanings) is well made, the specific case for "Inanimate" isn't as clear cut as you make it out to be.
The word has a number of definitions, while one of them is the one you're using "showing no characteristics/signs of being alive", and you're right that doesn't fit the Endbringers, other definitions of the term include:
1)spiritless; sluggish; dull. (which does fit the Endbringers most of the time, although people in Worm wish it applied more)
2)Belonging to a syntactic category or having a semantic feature that is characteristic of words denoting objects, concepts, and beings regarded as lacking perception and volition :) Obviously doesn't apply to anything physical.
3)Not alive (in the biological sense) i.e Viruses are inanimate.
 
I love this characterization of Taylor. The drive she has due to the need to ride out the end of the world has given her Presence, its a nice change from cannon where she my have an indomitable will but it never really carried over to her mannerisms all that much. Here I see Taylor like Maleficent , she is entirely sure of herself and her goals and she carries herself with all the poise, power, and drive that she derives from that.
 
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