Goblin's Gab
The Season of Still Stone
As Gorok leads the three of you down wider and more familiar paths towards Cauldron, Cob is more than happy to talk about himself, at least when he isn't bouncing ahead with his musical misadventures bouncing all over the narrow tunnels.
"Cob was born in the Big Forest that the Bigs call Barrowood. The Stone Munchers were the tribe of Cob's father and Cob's mother that rode around in boar carts thrice greased. Made war with the worgs of the woods, they wore worg-fur caps, and sometimes they would even take worg cubs to raise with the pigs, called them fur-pigs, and those were the fiercest allies of the Stone Munchers. But then the worgs got scared of the mighty Stone Munchers and they ran ran all the way south so what were the Stone Munchers to do? They turned to raiding the oomans of Dekarium and making pickles out of their ears. Things were good and the pickled ears were tasty and every warrior had a dog fur rug, but then the spiky ones came. Ooman knights they were, wore caltrops on their heads and their boss-fire-maker had a big bat with ash-sprinkle wings that turned the fire of the goblins against them. Big killy fires they were..."
"I think," Mina speaks up shyly. "The spiky fellows sound like Chelixian hell-knights, servants of the Thrice Damned House of Thrune and cruel law-makers. Not that most people would think it unreasonable to send them against a tribe of goblins that are... er, making rugs from people's dogs and pickling their ears."
You nod along for a while, head swimming with the names of strange gods and stranger places. It sounds like the Burnlands, with their vast fields of crops under the sun, can afford to have enormous empires that march armies of tens of thousands against each other for power, prestige, and the glory of their gods. To be honest, you are not sure if the wars and revolutions of the likes of Cheliax and Andoran are not madder to your ears than the goblin raids Cob talks about. At least they go to war because they are looking for new hunting and scrounging grounds.
"When Mama Cob was under Lamashtu with Cob the Stone Munchers, the Bone Burners, the Blue Faces, and the Rust Tinkers all came together in a Gob-Moot. That is where we see who has the biggest mouth and the smartest noggin to lead the tribes to make knew tribe, but it did not go so well. Urg the Unclean drank all the mushroom beer and then he took a bath in the Bloodwine that the Blue Faces had traded with the wolfmen of the woods, and then the brother of the old Stone Mucher chief set fire to the bang-tent of the shaman of the Rust Tinkers and he made a really loud BANG that killed six hands of goblins."
Perhaps you might have done without that bang being rendered at full volume in the tale, but it does have the gift of keeping you very interested as your goblin companion counts out the six hands on his dexterous fingers before stuffing a piece of duergar bread in his mouth that momentarily pauses the story in a shower of crumbs.
"Then just when we thought that the Gob-Moot would break up into a fight a ooman called Jurdan Terzain came and killed the chief's brother and he made Urg the Unclean's head blow up like pig bladder and into tasty brain meats, and then he said
he'd be the chief of the goblins. Now there hadn't been a ooman chief of goblins before so a lot of lads and lasses tried to shank him good, but he had stone skin and the stick that would make heads blow up like balloons so lots of them died and lots more of them ran away. Jurdan looked around and he called them dumb 'cause he had lots of food and would share with any goblins who would volunteer to help him'. Now Cob Mama asked to volunteer with what and he said help make stronger goblins... That seemed a fine enough idea to her 'cause once the goblins were strong enough they'd be able to beat up the boom-man and have a proper goblin chief again."
One cannot really fault the logic, though something tells you at least some of the goblins announced their plans for treachery out loud.
"So some of the tribe volunteered to listen to Jurdan and he gave them all sorts of things to munch and to drink; Red Cackle Water and Boil on Tongue Grease, Blue Mole Milk and Holey Cheese. Some got sick, some got maybe sick. but some got strong and with big gifts like Cob once he was born..." He slaps his hand on the stone for emphasis... and for a long moment nothing happens, but then you notice the color of the stone starting to leech into him like ocher on raglichen. Makes it easier to hide, for sure.
"What makes you think this Jurdan will allow you to take his gifts and use them against his or his people?" Gorok growls from up ahead.
In answer Cob just shrugs. "Him lie to us we lie to him. See who lies better. Better than starve like old tribes.
Anywho, when Cob got big and out of cage I thought to bring back some of the really strong juices that Jurdan was keeping for himself to tribe so we can drink in secret. Sneaked right in through the window cause he had big stupid glass windows, but then I saw there were all kinds of numbering and lettering things, steal the thoughts right out of your head the elders said, but I thought to myself since Jurdan has plenty of thoughts in his head, maybe too many so that can't be it. So I took one of the books with the fancy red tower on the cover and I stole it away all to myself to look at, took some potions of course too, became heap-good sneak of Jurdan's Volunteers. All went good until..." the goblin gives a long wet sniff and wipes his nose with his hand.
"Until?" you probe gently, not something you had a lot of practice in.
"Went in to grab more books, but thing came up from under troll skull and started screeching. Cob tripped into cabinet with many many jars, blew up like old bomb tent. Next thing I know Cob back in cage like baby goblin with other goblins. Outside they talk dwarf. Took a while to learn what-say, but I'm smart-learned-good. Dwarfs say Cob slave now, sell to derro for experiments. What derro?"
A bloody nightmare in the flesh, you think back to all the stories you had heard about the mad experiences of the flesh-smiths. "Something you won't have to worry about Cob, not while you're with us."
What does Akorian think of Cob's story?
[] The goblins were foolish to take a leader from among their human foes
[] Jurdan is sure to come to a bad end if he keeps using his tribe like this
[] The Stone Munchers and other tribes would have been better off trading and crafting than continuing to raid and thus tempting the wrath of their neighbors
[] Write in
OOC: Meet Cob the absurdly sneaky. If you guys would like to tweak the sheet do not hesitate to say so. 
