ii.6
- Location
- USA
Part II.6
> continue: iteration 26, day 5, morning
"Miserable little punks." The bald, skeletal old man glowers down at us from a balcony on the other side of the room. He's wearing a bathrobe -- not a kimono, I'm pretty sure, an actual black terry cloth bathrobe -- and grips a simple wooden cane (which I do not trust) in one hand. "Drian'. Rats running inside my walls. You thought you could rob from me, hm?" On cue, the door slams shut behind us.
We're in a... shit, is this a ballroom? Holy crap. It is. An actual, three-story-tall ballroom, complete with hardwood floor and big crystal chandelier. (Just how big is this frigging house, anyway?) It's clearly seen better days. Dust coats the windows and cobwebs hang all over the chandelier. The floor seems to be rotting in several places. Sakura seems as lost as the rest of us. I wonder if she's ever even seen this place before.
"It's not stealing if I'm taking back what's mine!" Rin steps forward, her arm raised at Matou. "Agreement of exchange, Article II, Section 5.6, Paragraph 3! If the individual in question is to participate as a Master in a Grail War, all restrictions on interactions are to be temporarily lifted! As head of the Tohsaka family, I am therefore reclaiming Sakura Matou as a member of my house for the duration of the conflict... you piece of fucking shit!"
The old man snorts. "If you think word games will let you walk out with my property, girl, you're as much of a fool as your father was. Tell me, how did that little trifle I gave him work out for Tokiomi? Eh?"
Rin's face tightens, but she doesn't seem to have a comeback. Okay, better think strategy while the cutscene lasts. We're on the ground floor. The balcony that Zouken's on stands opposite to us at second-floor height. I don't see any stairs up there, but there is a door behind him... and another one on the wall directly below him.
Worth a shot. I catch Shirou's eye and glance towards the door on our level. He nods and starts to carefully edge away from the group in that direction. Third rule of battling a lich -- get your melee fighters up close to them as soon as possible.
> so what's the first rule
'Don't.' Well, that, or don't talk about Lich Fight Club. Depends on your character level.
> rimshot
Anyway, it occurs to me that I'm feeling fairly weaponless here myself. Aw, fuck. I totally left the umbrella upstairs, didn't I?
> yep
Fucking inventory system. Just one single bag of holding -- is that really too much to ask for?
"Children." Zouken shakes his head. "Always, I am surrounded by idiot children. Ah, and speaking of which -- here comes the toddler brigade."
A door on the wall behind us opens. Illya and the maids walk in. None of them look particularly surprised. I guess all of this is de rigueur when it comes to mage fights.
"Good day, little von Einzbern." Zouken sounds almost cheerful. Crap, he's actually enjoying this, isn't he? I can't tell if he's just doing the standard Bond-villain thing, or if he just likes to hear himself talk. Old man's gotta old man, I guess, even if he is a walking swarm of maggots. "I see your family is still producing inferior knockoffs of their few successes. How is that moldy old relic Jubstacheit? Still plodding along, I trust?"
Fourth rule of lich battles -- spread out to avoid area-of-effect attacks. I glance over at Sakura. She mostly seems to be staring into space, whispering what sounds like "no no no" over and over again under her breath. Reassuring. I take her shoulder. She shudders and immediately tries to pull away.
"Sorry," I mutter. I pull her a few paces away from Rin, back towards the wall, then let go. Next up, the fifth rule -- search for plot hooks. Don't overlook any possible advantage the DM throws your way. "We could use some advice here. He got any weaknesses? Blind spots, stuff like that?"
"Law and Order reruns," Sakura whispers. "He's also been getting into this one drama on TBS recently. He likes the lead actress."
I blink. "I... don't know how to use that."
"Save us, Detective Tutuola." She shudders again. "You're my only hope..."
Well, great.
> you should probably also pay attention to what they're saying right now
I have! I can multitask, thank you! "Why can't I hear Berserker anymore?" Illya just asked. "How did you do that?"
"Ah, so you noticed." Zouken taps his cane against the ground. "I've isolated your Servants elsewhere in the house and disabled your mental connection to them. Don't bother trying to use your Command Seals either. You'll find that path closed to you as well."
Fuck. Okay, mental note: next time, DON'T SPLIT THE PARTY. Underlined, exclamation point, seventy-two-point Impact font. In bold.
"You can do that?!" Rin explodes. "How?!"
"It's really you, isn't it." Illya narrows her eyes. I see some red lines glowing on the side of her neck. I wonder if she just tried invoking one of her Command Seals to see if Zouken was bluffing. If she did, I'm not seeing Berserker anywhere. "Zolgen Makiri, progenitor of the Matou family. One of the original three mages who drew down the Grail. You've somehow clung to life all these years."
The old man smirks. "Tell me, little mages... just what did you expect when you came here to challenge me? I, who came closer to the Third Magic than either of your families combined? Who has seen bloodshed beyond your wildest nightmares, and obtained heights of power beyond your greatest dreams? Who --"
"Oh, for fuck's sake -- you're evil. We get it, all right?!" Rin growls. "Jesus."
Dammit. Just when I think I'm over the whole crush thing, there she goes being awesome again.
> hrmph
Zouken just rolls his eyes. "You Tohsaka women never did know how to hold your tongues. Very well, duraki. If excitement is what your tiny minds crave..."
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Sakura abruptly slump to the side. Fuck, what now?! I grab her in mid-fall. Did... did she just pass out? Her entire body's limp. Her eyes look like they've practically rolled back into her head...
"... then let us at last see which of our families is the superior." Zouken grins. "One final time."
The dusty windows to Zouken's side explode inwards as a huge mass of... something busts its way into the room.
Oh.
That kind of boss fight.
***
> cue battle music
Fuck. So Zouken was stalling for time too. With no other real option, I grab Sakura underneath the armpits and lug her back towards the corner as the thing makes its way into the room. In the process, the lime-green blanket disentangles itself from her and pools up abandoned on the floor. She's wearing her school uniform beneath it, thank God.
> just don't think you can use this as an excuse to cop a feel
Really not helpful right now k thank you bye! Fortunately, Shirou hasn't gotten too far away from us. He leaps back as fragments of window glass get flung in his direction.
So the boss monster: it's completely tar-black and about four meters tall. Kind of... transparent, somehow, in that you can kind of see what's behind it, albeit darkened or tinted. Like a Photoshop filter, or a bad piece of CGI from the nineties that didn't get greenscreened properly. Shape-wise, it looks kinda like a jellyfish, with these long, flat tendrils extending from...
Oh. Oh, fuck.
"Get back!" I yell at the top of my lungs. "I know this thing! Keep away from it!"
"What is it?!" Rin fires off a few blasts from her hand. They vanish into the thing without so much as a ripple. Up above, Illya's bird puppets let loose on it with their own ranged attack, to a similar lack of effect.
"No idea!" I shout back. "I just know it turns Servants into evil robots! Whatever you do, don't let it touch you!"
Shirou rushes back to us and takes his stance beside Rin, pipe held at the ready. The thing lumbers around in place. It doesn't make a sound, but it seems to be -- like -- sniffing the air or something.
Then it charges across the room, faster than anything that big has any right to move. Straight at Illya.
In a flash, Sella and Leysritt are in front of it, blocking its path. Yes! Those fucking halberds! They're perfect for this! Whatever the thing is, it seems to be solid. It stops in place as the weapons sink into it. Seems to rear back a little.
Then it flings its tentacles at the maids.
"Watch --" Before the word can even leave my mouth, it's over. Illya immediately switches the birds into sword mode and flings them down as cover fire. They just melt into the thing and vanish. Leysritt leaps back, dodging and weaving at impossible speeds past the tendrils and the falling blades. Sella -- Sella does the same, but she's not quite fast enough -- a tentacle catches her right arm --
The limb comes right off. As if it was nothing.
Sella screams. Bits of blood and bone fly through the air. What's left of her upper arm... it looks like it's burning somehow. Black veins running up her shoulder and neck and down into her torso. She stumbles forward -- her hat goes flying off. I see a shock of pale white hair fly over her head.
Then three other tendrils descend on her and tear her to pieces in front of us. Like scalpels through butter.
... goddamn it.
> keep moving
Uh. Right. Right! I drag Sakura towards the middle of the room this time as the thing lunges again for Illya. Leysritt grabs her and leaps out of the way. Towards us. The creature slams into the wall, but still sends its tendrils after them. Leysritt dodges. The tentacles ram into the corner I was just in. Shirou backs away. Leysritt bounds towards us, Illya in her arms, the tendrils snapping at her heels --
A fireball explodes out of the thing's main body and inundates that entire side of the room.
"Yeah!" Rin pumps her fist. Which seems to be down one Command Seal. "Suck it, Matou!"
Archer stands in front of her, his bow raised high.
> where was he this whole time
We left him outside to cover our escape. Which didn't wind up happening so much. So... maybe Rin found some way around whatever Zouken did?
> or maybe whatever wards he's got up are one-way
So... as in... he can stop Servants from getting summoned out of the house or through it... but he can't stop them from being summoned in from the outside?
> something like that
Well, regardless... Leysritt lands next to us. Both she and Illya lost their hats in the furor. Man, von Einzberns keep their hair long. Shirou's okay, too, if looking a little singed -- he falls in line next to Archer.
The fireball clears. The thing's still there -- completely intact, of course. Archer fires another arrow at it anyway, already sweating bullets. "We need to get out of here, Rin!" he barks. "Whatever the fuck that thing is, it's bad news!"
"Tell me something I don't know!" Rin snaps.
"I think -- it seems to be going after the greatest concentration of mana in the room." I can see a few tears drifting down Illya's face, but she seems to be keeping it together. Tough kid. "Which in this case is --"
"-- is you, yeah, I got that!" Rin starts digging through her pockets for gems.
"So what do we do?" Shirou asks. "We can't just keep playing keep-away forever!"
"Um..." I turn and stare at the giant hole the thing punched in the wall when it came in. I can see sunlight through it. A little bit of overcast sky, too.
No sooner do I look, though, then the wall abruptly seals itself up. Not with plaster or wood, but with this stone-ish material that looks disturbingly organic.
"Now, now." Zouken sounds like he's enjoying himself. Oh, right. He's still here. "What fun would that be?"
Without turning his head, Archer fires an arrow straight at the old man's neck. Unfortunately, a bunch of glowing wards pop up in front of the balcony. The arrow bounces off and dissolves into the air. The old man sneers and flips us off.
> he's got attitude
> have to give him that much i guess
Right now, the only thing I want to give Zouken is a Caladbolg straight up his maggot-ridden... anyway. So what now? We could try blowing another hole in the wall, but he'd probably just seal that up too. What else can we --
I snap my fingers and look at Archer. "Ooh! Use your shield! That Rose Alias thing!"
Archer blinks. "Uh... all right..."
"You can make a shield?!" Rin glares at him.
"Not now, Rin!" Archer and I say in unison. (Well, kinda. He actually says something like, "Not the time, Rin." Still sounds cool for the first word or two.)
Okay, plain arrows definitely aren't cutting it now. The thing took the last fireball without even flinching. Looks like it's getting to charge --
Archer stretches out his hand. "Rho Aias!"
The transparent flower glyph springs up in front of us. Unfortunately, it doesn't do a whole lot. As soon as the thing runs into the barrier, it starts tearing through the shields like they're cardboard. Each one barely lasts a second, their breakdowns punctuated by surges of lightning and Archer's curses -- "Shit! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck --"
Shirou turns back to me and hisses, "What are you doing? Get Sakura away from here!"
"Oh -- right!" I haul Sakura underneath Zouken's balcony. (Okay, if I have to keep doing this, should I like try to pick her up or put her on my back or something? My arms are telling me that ain't happening, so...) My eyes settle on that door I'd spotted earlier. Well... I'm not much of a tank, but... I grab the door's handle. It's unlocked. I fling it open...
... and find a brick wall on the other side.
Fuck, man. Now that's just cruel.
> like i said
> attitude
I turn back just in time to see Leysritt get torn in half.
Shield's down, obviously. At least it looks quick -- what's left of her inside the two tendrils is already mostly dissolved. Her halberd lies abandoned on the wood floor. Shirou's right up in the thing's face, swinging his pipe wildly. Rin's yelling wordlessly and firing Gandr blasts into the shadowy mass, with no more effect than before. Illya's just standing a short distance away with a dazed look. Archer's up on the fricking chandelier, firing down like crazy. But the thing doesn't fuck around. It reaches up and tears the chandelier, Archer and all, down into itself. He vanishes into its mass, spare bits of crystal and glass bouncing off the floor like rain... I can hear this wheezing sound somewhere above me, which I eventually realize is the sound of Zouken chuckling...
Fuck... fuck! This -- this is all my fault. I should've planned better. Should've done more recon. Not like it would help -- how the fuck was I supposed to figure out the fucker has a fucking pet Cthulhu lying around?! And -- and --
... wait? What's that noise? It almost sounds like a train...
> choo choo motherfucker
The blackened wall on the opposite side of the room -- the one on the other side of the thing -- bursts open. Hercules comes charging out into the ballroom, covered in dust and blood and some other fluids I'd really prefer not to think about. He sprints straight into the thing and tackles it. "Berserker!" Illya sounds overjoyed. God, I never thought I'd be glad to see that gorilla...
... hell. They're coming this way, aren't they.
> and around once more we go
Once more dragging Sakura behind me, I scurry around the pair of colliding monsters to the other side of the room where we started, ducking beneath a flailing tendril as I go. I see Shirou rush back and spirit Illya out of the way. Rin's already waiting for us on the other side -- I turn back to see Berserker and the thing smash into the wall beneath the balcony, hard enough to shake the level above. Zouken, looking annoyed, clings to his cane.
Bad news, though: Berserker's losing.
He now isn't so much fighting as he is flailing, like he's trying to keep his head above water. What bits of his flesh aren't burning away are covered with those black veins. And I don't see any sign of his regeneration or resurrection power or whatever it is. Doesn't look like it's working.
"No," Illya moans as she sinks to her knees. "Don't... don't leave me... please..."
He doesn't have a choice. We watch as Berserker's massive arm sinks into the darkness. Illya lets out a strangled sob and covers her eyes. Without a word, Shirou kneels down and holds her.
Which is sweet and all, but doesn't do anything about the fact that we're totally fucked. The thing pulsates. Moves out from beneath the balcony and looms back up to its full height.
Then its tendrils fly across the room, once again straight at Illya.
Shirou immediately moves to shield the kid with his body. Rin -- to her shock as well as mine, judging from her expression -- steps in front of them, her arms stretched wide. And I'm just frozen, useless as usual, next to Sakura -- though it's not like any of these sacrifices are gonna be worth a damn anyway --
"... stop," Sakura whispers.
The thing collapses to the ground. The tendrils fall to the floor, lifeless.
"Yob tvoyu mat!" Zouken snarls. He slams his fists down on the balcony railing. "Stupid... useless... it's too soon. Not ready yet... not ready..."
"And you're out of time, demon."
Saber steps out of the hole Berserker punched when he came into the room. She's sweaty and bleeding from multiple cuts on her face. Seems to have lost her improvised shield. Her armor's covered with bug guts and purple ichor. She looks beyond pissed.
And she's glowing. With this strange golden light that's oddly comforting to look at.
> get behind her
> now
Yeah. Yeah, I'm getting those about-to-go-Super-Saiyan vibes here. I move myself and Sakura back as Saber stalks past us. Shirou and Rin see me and do the same, bringing Illya along with them.
Zouken stares at Saber, his eyes squinting into the light. "You... I've seen you before..."
Saber goes full blast, her aura expanding into a hurricane of light. Her sword's not invisible anymore. The blade glows gold as she lifts it above her head. I've never seen anything like it before -- outside of Star Wars, I guess -- but it somehow looks... familiar? Like visiting a place you last saw as an infant.
"In the name of all that is holy, I cleanse this place of your sins!" Saber roars. She brings the sword down. "EXCALIBUR!"
A torrent -- no, an entire freaking river -- of light explodes out of the sword and inundates everything before her. The thing vanishes into the flood immediately, like a shadow evaporating into the sunrise. "Pizda rulyu!" I hear Zouken curse. Then his wards fail and he's gone too.
I turn away and shield my eyes. Can't help but fall to my knees. This -- this is...
***
> skip forward
When it's finally over, I hear the whistle of a bird somewhere in the distance. The light seems to be gone. I stand up and open my eyes.
Saber drops to her knees, breathing hard. She props herself up with the sword. In front of her lies nothing but rubble. The thing, Zouken, the balcony, any rooms behind it, the garden wall, the houses next door and down the street (really hope those people had already left for the day... and that they didn't have pets) -- all gone. The remaining windows are shattered to bits. The roof over our heads got blown away. What's left of the ballroom is open to the sky.
Even the part of the house behind Saber has seen better days. I glance through the hole in the wall she and Berserker came through and see wreckage extending back several rooms. I hear what's left of the structure creak as the wind rushes through it. The mansion feels... dead somehow, just wood and brick. Saber clearly does not fuck around when she brings her A game.
"Saber!" Shirou rushes over to her. "Are you --"
"I'm fine," Saber says. "I just... give me a second..."
"Okay... first question..." Rin unsteadily gets to her feet. "Tom, how's Sakura?"
"Oh. Right!" I bend down to check. She's still out cold. I try snapping my fingers in front of her eyes, then patting the side of her face. "Um... she's not waking up. Still breathing, though, so... that's good, I guess?" I awkwardly fumble around, trying to find her pulse. Man, she is gonna have hella friction burns from the floor when she wakes up, I'll tell you that much... also, wow, does that sound bad out of context.
"Okay. Second question... just what the living fuck was that?!" Rin goes over by Shirou and stares at the spot where the thing used to be. "I've never heard of any kind of spell that can just one-shot a Servant. That shouldn't even be possible."
"It -- it looked like..." Illya sniffs and wipes her face, then totters over by Rin. Pretty amazing, considering that my stupid mission just cost her nearly everything she had. "It seemed to be able to absorb raw mana in any form. Servants, spells, people..."
"Something like that... it'd be unstoppable." Rin pushes back her hair. "How the hell did Zouken Matou manage to create the perfect predator?!"
"... some kind of...?" Illya mutters under her breath. She glances back at me and Sakura. "No... more than that. I think... I think that was a karagoze..."
"Wha -- no!" Saber suddenly tries to get to her feet. "Run! Something's --"
All at once, the sky falls down on us.
***
> businessmen they drink my wine
> plowmen dig my earth
When I come to, the first thing I see is Illya's body. She lies on the ground, stabbed straight through the head with a spear twice her height. Her lifeless eyes stare into mine.
I sit up, biting back a scream. I remember -- some kind of explosion? Tossed me back through the hole in the wall. Sakura lies nearby me. At least she still looks intact and alive. But beyond her... I see Saber's hand twitch. She's been stabbed through the chest by three huge lances, at an angle where she's pinned to the ground while half-standing. She's still alive somehow, but I don't think she can move. Shirou and Rin, though... they both lie dead on the ground next to her, run through by a half-dozen axes and swords each.
No. No no no fuck no... not another TPK. Not after everything we just went through...
> keep watching
> learn from this
> make it count
There's... there's this guy standing beyond Saber, around where the balcony used to be. Blond hair. Black-and-white track suit. He's holding something in his hands -- Zouken's bathrobe? How the fuck did that of all things survive? He pulls what looks like some kind of knife or dagger out of it and tosses the rest away.
There's this flash of orange or bronze light and then he's suddenly standing next to Saber. She tries to say something, but nothing comes out -- I think the lances pierced her lungs. Tracksuit Bro examines her face, casually wipes some blood off her cheek with his thumb. I can just barely see her expression. The level of pure, undiluted hatred she has in her eyes...
He smirks and vanishes in another flash of light, reappearing right next to Sakura. I get a better look at his face. Defs a foreigner. Sharp nose. Light olive-brown skin. Looks kinda... Persian, I guess? Or maybe Indian? I don't know. Somewhere in that vicinity, I guess.
He prods Sakura with his foot, then shrugs. "Waste not, I suppose..."
"Wait -- don't --" I try and fail to get up. Before the words even leave my mouth, he reaches into Sakura's chest and pulls out her heart, as nonchalantly as he might pick a flower.
He looks over the organ and plucks something off of it... a grub or a beetle of some kind? What the fuck? He rolls his eyes. "Just die like the worm you are already." With that, he flicks the insect to the ground and crushes it under his designer sneaker.
I finally manage to rise to my feet. "Who..." I swallow and stare at him. "Who the shit are you?"
He doesn't even look at me. "Die wondering, mongrel."
Another flash of bronze, and a metal spike flies straight into my face.
> continue: iteration 26, day 5, morning
"Miserable little punks." The bald, skeletal old man glowers down at us from a balcony on the other side of the room. He's wearing a bathrobe -- not a kimono, I'm pretty sure, an actual black terry cloth bathrobe -- and grips a simple wooden cane (which I do not trust) in one hand. "Drian'. Rats running inside my walls. You thought you could rob from me, hm?" On cue, the door slams shut behind us.
We're in a... shit, is this a ballroom? Holy crap. It is. An actual, three-story-tall ballroom, complete with hardwood floor and big crystal chandelier. (Just how big is this frigging house, anyway?) It's clearly seen better days. Dust coats the windows and cobwebs hang all over the chandelier. The floor seems to be rotting in several places. Sakura seems as lost as the rest of us. I wonder if she's ever even seen this place before.
"It's not stealing if I'm taking back what's mine!" Rin steps forward, her arm raised at Matou. "Agreement of exchange, Article II, Section 5.6, Paragraph 3! If the individual in question is to participate as a Master in a Grail War, all restrictions on interactions are to be temporarily lifted! As head of the Tohsaka family, I am therefore reclaiming Sakura Matou as a member of my house for the duration of the conflict... you piece of fucking shit!"
The old man snorts. "If you think word games will let you walk out with my property, girl, you're as much of a fool as your father was. Tell me, how did that little trifle I gave him work out for Tokiomi? Eh?"
Rin's face tightens, but she doesn't seem to have a comeback. Okay, better think strategy while the cutscene lasts. We're on the ground floor. The balcony that Zouken's on stands opposite to us at second-floor height. I don't see any stairs up there, but there is a door behind him... and another one on the wall directly below him.
Worth a shot. I catch Shirou's eye and glance towards the door on our level. He nods and starts to carefully edge away from the group in that direction. Third rule of battling a lich -- get your melee fighters up close to them as soon as possible.
> so what's the first rule
'Don't.' Well, that, or don't talk about Lich Fight Club. Depends on your character level.
> rimshot
Anyway, it occurs to me that I'm feeling fairly weaponless here myself. Aw, fuck. I totally left the umbrella upstairs, didn't I?
> yep
Fucking inventory system. Just one single bag of holding -- is that really too much to ask for?
"Children." Zouken shakes his head. "Always, I am surrounded by idiot children. Ah, and speaking of which -- here comes the toddler brigade."
A door on the wall behind us opens. Illya and the maids walk in. None of them look particularly surprised. I guess all of this is de rigueur when it comes to mage fights.
"Good day, little von Einzbern." Zouken sounds almost cheerful. Crap, he's actually enjoying this, isn't he? I can't tell if he's just doing the standard Bond-villain thing, or if he just likes to hear himself talk. Old man's gotta old man, I guess, even if he is a walking swarm of maggots. "I see your family is still producing inferior knockoffs of their few successes. How is that moldy old relic Jubstacheit? Still plodding along, I trust?"
Fourth rule of lich battles -- spread out to avoid area-of-effect attacks. I glance over at Sakura. She mostly seems to be staring into space, whispering what sounds like "no no no" over and over again under her breath. Reassuring. I take her shoulder. She shudders and immediately tries to pull away.
"Sorry," I mutter. I pull her a few paces away from Rin, back towards the wall, then let go. Next up, the fifth rule -- search for plot hooks. Don't overlook any possible advantage the DM throws your way. "We could use some advice here. He got any weaknesses? Blind spots, stuff like that?"
"Law and Order reruns," Sakura whispers. "He's also been getting into this one drama on TBS recently. He likes the lead actress."
I blink. "I... don't know how to use that."
"Save us, Detective Tutuola." She shudders again. "You're my only hope..."
Well, great.
> you should probably also pay attention to what they're saying right now
I have! I can multitask, thank you! "Why can't I hear Berserker anymore?" Illya just asked. "How did you do that?"
"Ah, so you noticed." Zouken taps his cane against the ground. "I've isolated your Servants elsewhere in the house and disabled your mental connection to them. Don't bother trying to use your Command Seals either. You'll find that path closed to you as well."
Fuck. Okay, mental note: next time, DON'T SPLIT THE PARTY. Underlined, exclamation point, seventy-two-point Impact font. In bold.
"You can do that?!" Rin explodes. "How?!"
"It's really you, isn't it." Illya narrows her eyes. I see some red lines glowing on the side of her neck. I wonder if she just tried invoking one of her Command Seals to see if Zouken was bluffing. If she did, I'm not seeing Berserker anywhere. "Zolgen Makiri, progenitor of the Matou family. One of the original three mages who drew down the Grail. You've somehow clung to life all these years."
The old man smirks. "Tell me, little mages... just what did you expect when you came here to challenge me? I, who came closer to the Third Magic than either of your families combined? Who has seen bloodshed beyond your wildest nightmares, and obtained heights of power beyond your greatest dreams? Who --"
"Oh, for fuck's sake -- you're evil. We get it, all right?!" Rin growls. "Jesus."
Dammit. Just when I think I'm over the whole crush thing, there she goes being awesome again.
> hrmph
Zouken just rolls his eyes. "You Tohsaka women never did know how to hold your tongues. Very well, duraki. If excitement is what your tiny minds crave..."
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Sakura abruptly slump to the side. Fuck, what now?! I grab her in mid-fall. Did... did she just pass out? Her entire body's limp. Her eyes look like they've practically rolled back into her head...
"... then let us at last see which of our families is the superior." Zouken grins. "One final time."
The dusty windows to Zouken's side explode inwards as a huge mass of... something busts its way into the room.
Oh.
That kind of boss fight.
***
> cue battle music
Fuck. So Zouken was stalling for time too. With no other real option, I grab Sakura underneath the armpits and lug her back towards the corner as the thing makes its way into the room. In the process, the lime-green blanket disentangles itself from her and pools up abandoned on the floor. She's wearing her school uniform beneath it, thank God.
> just don't think you can use this as an excuse to cop a feel
Really not helpful right now k thank you bye! Fortunately, Shirou hasn't gotten too far away from us. He leaps back as fragments of window glass get flung in his direction.
So the boss monster: it's completely tar-black and about four meters tall. Kind of... transparent, somehow, in that you can kind of see what's behind it, albeit darkened or tinted. Like a Photoshop filter, or a bad piece of CGI from the nineties that didn't get greenscreened properly. Shape-wise, it looks kinda like a jellyfish, with these long, flat tendrils extending from...
Oh. Oh, fuck.
"Get back!" I yell at the top of my lungs. "I know this thing! Keep away from it!"
"What is it?!" Rin fires off a few blasts from her hand. They vanish into the thing without so much as a ripple. Up above, Illya's bird puppets let loose on it with their own ranged attack, to a similar lack of effect.
"No idea!" I shout back. "I just know it turns Servants into evil robots! Whatever you do, don't let it touch you!"
Shirou rushes back to us and takes his stance beside Rin, pipe held at the ready. The thing lumbers around in place. It doesn't make a sound, but it seems to be -- like -- sniffing the air or something.
Then it charges across the room, faster than anything that big has any right to move. Straight at Illya.
In a flash, Sella and Leysritt are in front of it, blocking its path. Yes! Those fucking halberds! They're perfect for this! Whatever the thing is, it seems to be solid. It stops in place as the weapons sink into it. Seems to rear back a little.
Then it flings its tentacles at the maids.
"Watch --" Before the word can even leave my mouth, it's over. Illya immediately switches the birds into sword mode and flings them down as cover fire. They just melt into the thing and vanish. Leysritt leaps back, dodging and weaving at impossible speeds past the tendrils and the falling blades. Sella -- Sella does the same, but she's not quite fast enough -- a tentacle catches her right arm --
The limb comes right off. As if it was nothing.
Sella screams. Bits of blood and bone fly through the air. What's left of her upper arm... it looks like it's burning somehow. Black veins running up her shoulder and neck and down into her torso. She stumbles forward -- her hat goes flying off. I see a shock of pale white hair fly over her head.
Then three other tendrils descend on her and tear her to pieces in front of us. Like scalpels through butter.
... goddamn it.
> keep moving
Uh. Right. Right! I drag Sakura towards the middle of the room this time as the thing lunges again for Illya. Leysritt grabs her and leaps out of the way. Towards us. The creature slams into the wall, but still sends its tendrils after them. Leysritt dodges. The tentacles ram into the corner I was just in. Shirou backs away. Leysritt bounds towards us, Illya in her arms, the tendrils snapping at her heels --
A fireball explodes out of the thing's main body and inundates that entire side of the room.
"Yeah!" Rin pumps her fist. Which seems to be down one Command Seal. "Suck it, Matou!"
Archer stands in front of her, his bow raised high.
> where was he this whole time
We left him outside to cover our escape. Which didn't wind up happening so much. So... maybe Rin found some way around whatever Zouken did?
> or maybe whatever wards he's got up are one-way
So... as in... he can stop Servants from getting summoned out of the house or through it... but he can't stop them from being summoned in from the outside?
> something like that
Well, regardless... Leysritt lands next to us. Both she and Illya lost their hats in the furor. Man, von Einzberns keep their hair long. Shirou's okay, too, if looking a little singed -- he falls in line next to Archer.
The fireball clears. The thing's still there -- completely intact, of course. Archer fires another arrow at it anyway, already sweating bullets. "We need to get out of here, Rin!" he barks. "Whatever the fuck that thing is, it's bad news!"
"Tell me something I don't know!" Rin snaps.
"I think -- it seems to be going after the greatest concentration of mana in the room." I can see a few tears drifting down Illya's face, but she seems to be keeping it together. Tough kid. "Which in this case is --"
"-- is you, yeah, I got that!" Rin starts digging through her pockets for gems.
"So what do we do?" Shirou asks. "We can't just keep playing keep-away forever!"
"Um..." I turn and stare at the giant hole the thing punched in the wall when it came in. I can see sunlight through it. A little bit of overcast sky, too.
No sooner do I look, though, then the wall abruptly seals itself up. Not with plaster or wood, but with this stone-ish material that looks disturbingly organic.
"Now, now." Zouken sounds like he's enjoying himself. Oh, right. He's still here. "What fun would that be?"
Without turning his head, Archer fires an arrow straight at the old man's neck. Unfortunately, a bunch of glowing wards pop up in front of the balcony. The arrow bounces off and dissolves into the air. The old man sneers and flips us off.
> he's got attitude
> have to give him that much i guess
Right now, the only thing I want to give Zouken is a Caladbolg straight up his maggot-ridden... anyway. So what now? We could try blowing another hole in the wall, but he'd probably just seal that up too. What else can we --
I snap my fingers and look at Archer. "Ooh! Use your shield! That Rose Alias thing!"
Archer blinks. "Uh... all right..."
"You can make a shield?!" Rin glares at him.
"Not now, Rin!" Archer and I say in unison. (Well, kinda. He actually says something like, "Not the time, Rin." Still sounds cool for the first word or two.)
Okay, plain arrows definitely aren't cutting it now. The thing took the last fireball without even flinching. Looks like it's getting to charge --
Archer stretches out his hand. "Rho Aias!"
The transparent flower glyph springs up in front of us. Unfortunately, it doesn't do a whole lot. As soon as the thing runs into the barrier, it starts tearing through the shields like they're cardboard. Each one barely lasts a second, their breakdowns punctuated by surges of lightning and Archer's curses -- "Shit! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck --"
Shirou turns back to me and hisses, "What are you doing? Get Sakura away from here!"
"Oh -- right!" I haul Sakura underneath Zouken's balcony. (Okay, if I have to keep doing this, should I like try to pick her up or put her on my back or something? My arms are telling me that ain't happening, so...) My eyes settle on that door I'd spotted earlier. Well... I'm not much of a tank, but... I grab the door's handle. It's unlocked. I fling it open...
... and find a brick wall on the other side.
Fuck, man. Now that's just cruel.
> like i said
> attitude
I turn back just in time to see Leysritt get torn in half.
Shield's down, obviously. At least it looks quick -- what's left of her inside the two tendrils is already mostly dissolved. Her halberd lies abandoned on the wood floor. Shirou's right up in the thing's face, swinging his pipe wildly. Rin's yelling wordlessly and firing Gandr blasts into the shadowy mass, with no more effect than before. Illya's just standing a short distance away with a dazed look. Archer's up on the fricking chandelier, firing down like crazy. But the thing doesn't fuck around. It reaches up and tears the chandelier, Archer and all, down into itself. He vanishes into its mass, spare bits of crystal and glass bouncing off the floor like rain... I can hear this wheezing sound somewhere above me, which I eventually realize is the sound of Zouken chuckling...
Fuck... fuck! This -- this is all my fault. I should've planned better. Should've done more recon. Not like it would help -- how the fuck was I supposed to figure out the fucker has a fucking pet Cthulhu lying around?! And -- and --
... wait? What's that noise? It almost sounds like a train...
> choo choo motherfucker
The blackened wall on the opposite side of the room -- the one on the other side of the thing -- bursts open. Hercules comes charging out into the ballroom, covered in dust and blood and some other fluids I'd really prefer not to think about. He sprints straight into the thing and tackles it. "Berserker!" Illya sounds overjoyed. God, I never thought I'd be glad to see that gorilla...
... hell. They're coming this way, aren't they.
> and around once more we go
Once more dragging Sakura behind me, I scurry around the pair of colliding monsters to the other side of the room where we started, ducking beneath a flailing tendril as I go. I see Shirou rush back and spirit Illya out of the way. Rin's already waiting for us on the other side -- I turn back to see Berserker and the thing smash into the wall beneath the balcony, hard enough to shake the level above. Zouken, looking annoyed, clings to his cane.
Bad news, though: Berserker's losing.
He now isn't so much fighting as he is flailing, like he's trying to keep his head above water. What bits of his flesh aren't burning away are covered with those black veins. And I don't see any sign of his regeneration or resurrection power or whatever it is. Doesn't look like it's working.
"No," Illya moans as she sinks to her knees. "Don't... don't leave me... please..."
He doesn't have a choice. We watch as Berserker's massive arm sinks into the darkness. Illya lets out a strangled sob and covers her eyes. Without a word, Shirou kneels down and holds her.
Which is sweet and all, but doesn't do anything about the fact that we're totally fucked. The thing pulsates. Moves out from beneath the balcony and looms back up to its full height.
Then its tendrils fly across the room, once again straight at Illya.
Shirou immediately moves to shield the kid with his body. Rin -- to her shock as well as mine, judging from her expression -- steps in front of them, her arms stretched wide. And I'm just frozen, useless as usual, next to Sakura -- though it's not like any of these sacrifices are gonna be worth a damn anyway --
"... stop," Sakura whispers.
The thing collapses to the ground. The tendrils fall to the floor, lifeless.
"Yob tvoyu mat!" Zouken snarls. He slams his fists down on the balcony railing. "Stupid... useless... it's too soon. Not ready yet... not ready..."
"And you're out of time, demon."
Saber steps out of the hole Berserker punched when he came into the room. She's sweaty and bleeding from multiple cuts on her face. Seems to have lost her improvised shield. Her armor's covered with bug guts and purple ichor. She looks beyond pissed.
And she's glowing. With this strange golden light that's oddly comforting to look at.
> get behind her
> now
Yeah. Yeah, I'm getting those about-to-go-Super-Saiyan vibes here. I move myself and Sakura back as Saber stalks past us. Shirou and Rin see me and do the same, bringing Illya along with them.
Zouken stares at Saber, his eyes squinting into the light. "You... I've seen you before..."
Saber goes full blast, her aura expanding into a hurricane of light. Her sword's not invisible anymore. The blade glows gold as she lifts it above her head. I've never seen anything like it before -- outside of Star Wars, I guess -- but it somehow looks... familiar? Like visiting a place you last saw as an infant.
"In the name of all that is holy, I cleanse this place of your sins!" Saber roars. She brings the sword down. "EXCALIBUR!"
A torrent -- no, an entire freaking river -- of light explodes out of the sword and inundates everything before her. The thing vanishes into the flood immediately, like a shadow evaporating into the sunrise. "Pizda rulyu!" I hear Zouken curse. Then his wards fail and he's gone too.
I turn away and shield my eyes. Can't help but fall to my knees. This -- this is...
***
> skip forward
When it's finally over, I hear the whistle of a bird somewhere in the distance. The light seems to be gone. I stand up and open my eyes.
Saber drops to her knees, breathing hard. She props herself up with the sword. In front of her lies nothing but rubble. The thing, Zouken, the balcony, any rooms behind it, the garden wall, the houses next door and down the street (really hope those people had already left for the day... and that they didn't have pets) -- all gone. The remaining windows are shattered to bits. The roof over our heads got blown away. What's left of the ballroom is open to the sky.
Even the part of the house behind Saber has seen better days. I glance through the hole in the wall she and Berserker came through and see wreckage extending back several rooms. I hear what's left of the structure creak as the wind rushes through it. The mansion feels... dead somehow, just wood and brick. Saber clearly does not fuck around when she brings her A game.
"Saber!" Shirou rushes over to her. "Are you --"
"I'm fine," Saber says. "I just... give me a second..."
"Okay... first question..." Rin unsteadily gets to her feet. "Tom, how's Sakura?"
"Oh. Right!" I bend down to check. She's still out cold. I try snapping my fingers in front of her eyes, then patting the side of her face. "Um... she's not waking up. Still breathing, though, so... that's good, I guess?" I awkwardly fumble around, trying to find her pulse. Man, she is gonna have hella friction burns from the floor when she wakes up, I'll tell you that much... also, wow, does that sound bad out of context.
"Okay. Second question... just what the living fuck was that?!" Rin goes over by Shirou and stares at the spot where the thing used to be. "I've never heard of any kind of spell that can just one-shot a Servant. That shouldn't even be possible."
"It -- it looked like..." Illya sniffs and wipes her face, then totters over by Rin. Pretty amazing, considering that my stupid mission just cost her nearly everything she had. "It seemed to be able to absorb raw mana in any form. Servants, spells, people..."
"Something like that... it'd be unstoppable." Rin pushes back her hair. "How the hell did Zouken Matou manage to create the perfect predator?!"
"... some kind of...?" Illya mutters under her breath. She glances back at me and Sakura. "No... more than that. I think... I think that was a karagoze..."
"Wha -- no!" Saber suddenly tries to get to her feet. "Run! Something's --"
All at once, the sky falls down on us.
***
> businessmen they drink my wine
> plowmen dig my earth
When I come to, the first thing I see is Illya's body. She lies on the ground, stabbed straight through the head with a spear twice her height. Her lifeless eyes stare into mine.
I sit up, biting back a scream. I remember -- some kind of explosion? Tossed me back through the hole in the wall. Sakura lies nearby me. At least she still looks intact and alive. But beyond her... I see Saber's hand twitch. She's been stabbed through the chest by three huge lances, at an angle where she's pinned to the ground while half-standing. She's still alive somehow, but I don't think she can move. Shirou and Rin, though... they both lie dead on the ground next to her, run through by a half-dozen axes and swords each.
No. No no no fuck no... not another TPK. Not after everything we just went through...
> keep watching
> learn from this
> make it count
There's... there's this guy standing beyond Saber, around where the balcony used to be. Blond hair. Black-and-white track suit. He's holding something in his hands -- Zouken's bathrobe? How the fuck did that of all things survive? He pulls what looks like some kind of knife or dagger out of it and tosses the rest away.
There's this flash of orange or bronze light and then he's suddenly standing next to Saber. She tries to say something, but nothing comes out -- I think the lances pierced her lungs. Tracksuit Bro examines her face, casually wipes some blood off her cheek with his thumb. I can just barely see her expression. The level of pure, undiluted hatred she has in her eyes...
He smirks and vanishes in another flash of light, reappearing right next to Sakura. I get a better look at his face. Defs a foreigner. Sharp nose. Light olive-brown skin. Looks kinda... Persian, I guess? Or maybe Indian? I don't know. Somewhere in that vicinity, I guess.
He prods Sakura with his foot, then shrugs. "Waste not, I suppose..."
"Wait -- don't --" I try and fail to get up. Before the words even leave my mouth, he reaches into Sakura's chest and pulls out her heart, as nonchalantly as he might pick a flower.
He looks over the organ and plucks something off of it... a grub or a beetle of some kind? What the fuck? He rolls his eyes. "Just die like the worm you are already." With that, he flicks the insect to the ground and crushes it under his designer sneaker.
I finally manage to rise to my feet. "Who..." I swallow and stare at him. "Who the shit are you?"
He doesn't even look at me. "Die wondering, mongrel."
Another flash of bronze, and a metal spike flies straight into my face.
